s/o VBS- How to stop the invites- permanently...

[Soror]

I have a newer friend that keeps inviting us to her kid's church activities. I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics. I have not and will not ever let my kids attend activities at other churches. I don't care what it is, how it is to branded, fun or what have you. How do you get this across and completely stop it, once and for all? I feel quite certain if someone feels that they cannot stop the evangelizing then we just won't be friends anymore, period, it doesn't matter how long we have been friends. Of course I don't want to say that but that is depth of my feelings on it. I just got the invite to VBS, you know with all that glowing info that posters were talking about, but I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

[mommaduck]

I would have a serious heart-to-heart with her. Let her know that you appreciate that they think about you when their outreach events come up, but that you have different beliefs and would appreciate it if they would take you off their invitation list. You're faith is personal to you and you aren't interested. If that doesn't stop it, then I would just not attend and start sending her invitations to every special Mass and event that comes up at your church ;)

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

I would invite her to my church:)

[AK_Mom4]

We're Episcopal, but I have had the same experience with a well-meaning friend. I finally had to straight out tell her - "We have our own church. Stop inviting us to yours. Putting pressure on us to join you all the time is ruining the friendship". Putting her off with "no thanks" or "sorry we're busy" or even just plain "no" didn't work. Her particular faith led her to believe that she was dooming my children to H*ll if she didn't get them converted to her church. Things were a bit less friendly after I confronted her about it and eventually they moved (to my relief).

[Entropymama]

I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

 

As a fundamentalist, I can say that we all have different beliefs about Catholics. I've got no problem with them, for one. :001_smile:

 

She might be inviting your kids because she thinks they'd have fun with her kids, not because she's trying to convert them. In our area we all send our kids to different VBSs but that doesn't mean we're trying to try out a new church.

 

On the other hand, if you have a policy of not letting your kids go to another church, just tell her that. "Thank you for the invitation, but we feel strongly that our kids shouldn't be under the teaching of another church. It isn't personal, but it is our conviction, so please don't invite them again."

[sbgrace]

I'd think you tell her the truth about your decisions about exposure to other churches and that you don't want any more invites.

 

I don't see a way to stop the invitations without being straight with her. Your position is completely reasonable. Hopefully she'll see that. If she drops the relationship because you're no longer an evangelism project then that's all you were in the first place. It may in fact be just that she thinks kids would like this or that and she's clueless as to how it comes across or why you're declining. She may not hold the beliefs you are assuming.

Edited July 2, 2011 by sbgrace

[twoforjoy]

Maybe you're saying "no" too politely? I know I do that all the time. I don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, so I give kind of an evasive no: "I think we're busy that week," "Hmm, thanks so much, but I don't think we'll be able to make it," etc. And when I do that, while I'd interpret that kind of thing to mean "We're not interested, don't ask again," I think the other person is entitled to assume that it's not a matter of my not wanting to go, but of it not being convenient, and so inviting me to something similar again.

 

One thing I've learned the last few years is that some people do NOT know how to take a hint. There's no ulterior motive, there's no secret agenda, they just need to have things explicitly spelled out for them before they get it.

 

So I'd just say something, if you haven't, like, "I appreciate the invitation, but the kids only attend activities at our own church."

[historically accurate]

I have a newer friend that keeps inviting us to her kid's church activities. I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics. I have not and will not ever let my kids attend activities at other churches. I don't care what it is, how it is to branded, fun or what have you. How do you get this across and completely stop it, once and for all? I feel quite certain if someone feels that they cannot stop the evangelizing then we just won't be friends anymore, period, it doesn't matter how long we have been friends. Of course I don't want to say that but that is depth of my feelings on it. I just got the invite to VBS, you know with all that glowing info that posters were talking about, but I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

 

You may be putting your own biases into your theory behind her invites; I wouldn't assume that my friends were trying to convert my kids if they were invited to another church. Maybe her church is her main social outlet and she would like to get the kids together, so a church activity is the logical place (to her, anyway). I would just say when next she asks "I'm sorry, but my kids only attend activities at our home church." If she is trying to "sell" you on her church, she will continue to invite and you can get firm; if she just wants the kids to hang out, you can find a park to meet up at.

[silliness7]

"Thank you for the invitation, but we feel strongly that our kids shouldn't be under the teaching of another church. It isn't personal, but it is our conviction, so please don't invite them again."

 

:iagree: I would think this would get your message across without any hurt feelings. And if her feelings are hurt or she doesn't stop then I might have to end the friendship.

[Soror]

Lots of good ideas here. I think I am going to C and P them to an email.

 

I find it interesting to read about others saying that they don't think it is evangelization. That has not been my experience in the slightest, not in our area. Catholics are most universally regarded as heathen freaks. This one lady in particular has talked a lot about saving people. Another friend that used to invite us a lot mentioned several times about a free MDO they were offering was a way to evangelize. Maybe the people that don't have these thoughts and beliefs aren't as vocal about it around here. But I didn't invent the idea out of thin air we are a huge minority here.

Edited July 2, 2011 by soror

[Orthodox6]

 

On the other hand, if you have a policy of not letting your kids go to another church, just tell her that. "Thank you for the invitation, but we feel strongly that our kids shouldn't be under the teaching of another church. It isn't personal, but it is our conviction, so please don't invite them again."

 

:iagree: I also would keep my tactful response as brief as possible. You don't want to leave "hooks" for additional questioning.

[JFSinIL]

Invite her kids to YOUR church stuff. ;) That is how we got our neighbors to stop ("Sonny needs a friend to bring to AWANA" etc. We are Catholic. i don't think so!)

[cin]

Invite her kids to YOUR church stuff. ;) That is how we got our neighbors to stop ("Sonny needs a friend to bring to AWANA" etc. We are Catholic. i don't think so!)

 

our church doesn't require that bring a friend thing for AWANA. IF you bring a friend, you get a candy bar, but you don't lose your 'I finished my book award' if you DON'T bring a friend. prolly because, as is my daughter's case, her friends all attend. I'm not against them having friends from other churches; our church is huge and has a HUGE homeschool population.

[TheAutumnOak]

I have a newer friend that keeps inviting us to her kid's church activities. I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics. I have not and will not ever let my kids attend activities at other churches. I don't care what it is, how it is to branded, fun or what have you. How do you get this across and completely stop it, once and for all? I feel quite certain if someone feels that they cannot stop the evangelizing then we just won't be friends anymore, period, it doesn't matter how long we have been friends. Of course I don't want to say that but that is depth of my feelings on it. I just got the invite to VBS, you know with all that glowing info that posters were talking about, but I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

 

The only way to stop the invites permanently is to tell your friend where you stand...Tell her the truth, that you don't allow your children to go to church events at other churches...You are happy at your church and don't want to go elsewhere, even just for an event...If you are not yelling or sounding mean, that explanation should be fine...

[justamouse]

Maybe you're saying "no" too politely? I know I do that all the time. I don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, so I give kind of an evasive no: "I think we're busy that week," "Hmm, thanks so much, but I don't think we'll be able to make it," etc. And when I do that, while I'd interpret that kind of thing to mean "We're not interested, don't ask again," I think the other person is entitled to assume that it's not a matter of my not wanting to go, but of it not being convenient, and so inviting me to something similar again.

 

One thing I've learned the last few years is that some people do NOT know how to take a hint. There's no ulterior motive, there's no secret agenda, they just need to have things explicitly spelled out for them before they get it.

 

So I'd just say something, if you haven't, like, "I appreciate the invitation, but the kids only attend activities at our own church."

:iagree:

 

That's my problem, too.

[Cheryl in NM]

I have a newer friend that keeps inviting us to her kid's church activities. I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics. I have not and will not ever let my kids attend activities at other churches. I don't care what it is, how it is to branded, fun or what have you. How do you get this across and completely stop it, once and for all? I feel quite certain if someone feels that they cannot stop the evangelizing then we just won't be friends anymore, period, it doesn't matter how long we have been friends. Of course I don't want to say that but that is depth of my feelings on it. I just got the invite to VBS, you know with all that glowing info that posters were talking about, but I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

 

I haven't read the other posts.

 

I would talk to your friend and explain that while you respect her views you no longer wish to receive invites to church functions. If she doesn't know that you don't wish to participate then she will keep inviting you. I seriously doubt she's a mind reader. :tongue_smilie:

 

If you are honest and forthright and she doesn't respect your wishes then, yes, I would back off from that relationship. If she asked why, I'd tell her.

[SonshineLearner]

You know, don't you believe that you "have been saved, are being saved, and will be saved"? There are MANY different opinions about Christianity.... but for a Protestant who is concerned as a friend, about your soul, if you can talk in their (our :)) language and explain that though you have a different way... you do believe that Jesus saved you...from your sin...and that you believe in eternal life with him...this helps to dispel the thought that you are believing in only works for salvation. (among all the other beliefs that some have about Catholics) Funny, though some Protestants believe in works, and some believe the part about "Body and Blood of Christ" almost like Catholics... Catholics are the only ones picked on... that I know about!! If you understand what <some> Protestants believe, you can explain what you believe. There are Catholics that believe that taking the Eucharist each Sunday makes it so they're saved. While we have a different slant on the exact way communion works, you can explain what you believe... explain that you are a Christian who is a Catholic...and just explain that you aren't going to agree with a Protestant slant... and aren't interested in converting. My MIL is Catholic, my husband was raised Catholic... and I have friends who if asked.. "Are you a Christian" by someone will answer "Yes" versus "I'm a Catholic"... (They might say "Yes, I'm a Catholic":)) I'm sure there are some in every denomination who would answer "Yes" when they aren't. Christian just means "Christ Follower"... and that's what I want to keep my eye on.

[Impish]

I would have a serious heart-to-heart with her. Let her know that you appreciate that they think about you when their outreach events come up, but that you have different beliefs and would appreciate it if they would take you off their invitation list. You're faith is personal to you and you aren't interested. If that doesn't stop it, then I would just not attend and start sending her invitations to every special Mass and event that comes up at your church ;)

:iagree:

[WishboneDawn]

We're Episcopal, but I have had the same experience with a well-meaning friend. I finally had to straight out tell her - "We have our own church. Stop inviting us to yours. Putting pressure on us to join you all the time is ruining the friendship". Putting her off with "no thanks" or "sorry we're busy" or even just plain "no" didn't work. Her particular faith led her to believe that she was dooming my children to H*ll if she didn't get them converted to her church. Things were a bit less friendly after I confronted her about it and eventually they moved (to my relief).

 

I'm Anglican. Being a fellow Protestant gains you nothing with some Christians, eh? I have a Baptist friend who's a wonderful woman who often invites me to her church. She quite clearly believes I am not saved or not really a Christian.

 

It gets tiresome.

[Daisy]

I'd just tell her that you prefer your children attend only Catholic events.

 

I pretty much put the invite out to anyone and everyone in our neighborhood. Many parents are happy to have a place for their kids to go for a week. My neighbor is Catholic (I consider her "saved" by the way) and she lets her kids go to our VBS and Awana club. Sometimes it is hard to know if you are going to offend someone by asking or offend them by NOT asking. LOL.

 

I always prefer the direct approach and you wouldn't lose my friendship over it. I'd just say, "Okie dokie." ;)

[smillard00]

If you're feeling in the minority, you need to come on down to Louisiana where being Roman Catholic is quite mainstream! I'm a very "Anglo-Catholic" Episcopalian who identifies more with the Catholics than Protestants, but when I was looking for a homeschool group to join the Catholics didn't want to have anything to do with us because they thought we were too protestant and the protestant group didn't think we were Christians. Talk about being stuck in the middle! :lol: We did invite anyone and everyone to our VBS this year simply because we thought our kids would have more fun the more kids that were there but we definitely weren't trying to "steal sheep" from other churches. I know that isn't always the case with all churches, though. I hope you're able to let her know how you feel and that she will respect your feelings on the matter. Just remember, if you ever want to feel in the majority, come a little further south! :D

[ma23peas]

I have a newer friend that keeps inviting us to her kid's church activities. I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics. I have not and will not ever let my kids attend activities at other churches. I don't care what it is, how it is to branded, fun or what have you. How do you get this across and completely stop it, once and for all? I feel quite certain if someone feels that they cannot stop the evangelizing then we just won't be friends anymore, period, it doesn't matter how long we have been friends. Of course I don't want to say that but that is depth of my feelings on it. I just got the invite to VBS, you know with all that glowing info that posters were talking about, but I also know that they are a fundamentalist church and I'm sure of their beliefs about us.

 

I am picking up on quite a bit of frustration in your post...the statement "I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics" has a bit of sarcasm and attitude with it. As a Protestant, raised Baptist and have attended pretty much all protestant denominations in the states we've lived in (Baptist in the South is not the same Baptist elsewhere..so we just find bible teaching churches and leave the labels out of it), I have never believed that Catholics were not saved nor was I taught that in any of the 12 churches I have been a member of during my life. Just because you 'believe' you know what her beliefs are about you does not make it certain...ask her. I cherish my friendships with all my friends (Christian or not) and I try earnestly to remove 'labels' and seek the heart of a person.

 

Tell her you cherish her friendship but that you honestly do get offended because it is your perception that she is putting her faith above yours...and when it comes to your children..YOU are the only one who makes that decision not others...if it's simply a benign invitation because they are asked by their church to 'spread the word' about their VBS program..then apologize for being so sensitive...and politely ask her that it would make you feel better if she leave you off the distribution list when inviting others to church functions. I love for my kids to go to other services...the worship of each are unique and touch us all in special ways...

 

Hope this works out and a friendship can be nurtured!

[Coffeemama]

Lots of good ideas here. I think I am going to C and P them to an email.

 

I find it interesting to read about others saying that they don't think it is evangelization. That has not been my experience in the slightest, not in our area. Catholics are most universally regarded as heathen freaks. This one lady in particular has talked a lot about saving people. Another friend that used to invite us a lot mentioned several times about a free MDO they were offering was a way to evangelize. Maybe the people that don't have these thoughts and beliefs aren't as vocal about it around here. But I didn't invent the idea out of thin air we are a huge minority here.

 

:grouphug:

I can't imagine living in an area in the US where I would be looked down on for my religion. I am surrounded by Catholics and always have been growing up. I only knew a handful of non-Catholic Christians up until I began homeschooling...maybe that's where they were all hiding:001_huh:...that being said, I am developing wonderful friendships with women from many different churches and non-religious people in a welcoming co-op...look me up if you decide to move...:D

[Wendi]

On the other hand, if you have a policy of not letting your kids go to another church, just tell her that. "Thank you for the invitation, but we feel strongly that our kids shouldn't be under the teaching of another church. It isn't personal, but it is our conviction, so please don't invite them again."

 

:iagree:

 

That's what I would say.

 

Wendi

[MinivanMom]

On the other hand, if you have a policy of not letting your kids go to another church, just tell her that. "Thank you for the invitation, but we feel strongly that our kids shouldn't be under the teaching of another church. It isn't personal, but it is our conviction, so please don't invite them again."

 

:iagree: I know it's hard, but you just have to tell her directly.

 

Lots of good ideas here. I think I am going to C and P them to an email.

 

I find it interesting to read about others saying that they don't think it is evangelization. That has not been my experience in the slightest, not in our area. Catholics are most universally regarded as heathen freaks. This one lady in particular has talked a lot about saving people. Another friend that used to invite us a lot mentioned several times about a free MDO they were offering was a way to evangelize. Maybe the people that don't have these thoughts and beliefs aren't as vocal about it around here. But I didn't invent the idea out of thin air we are a huge minority here.

 

:grouphug: I was the biggest defender of evangelicals until I moved to a certain area of the deep South. The seven years we spent there left deep scars. People who haven't encountered that kind of "evangelizing" can't even begin to imagine. You are the only one who knows this woman in real life. Trust your instincts. If your vibe is that she wants to "save" your children, then you need to stand firm. Sometimes the only way to get through to a pushy person is to be blunt.

[Moxie]

Lots of good ideas here. I think I am going to C and P them to an email.

 

I find it interesting to read about others saying that they don't think it is evangelization. That has not been my experience in the slightest, not in our area. Catholics are most universally regarded as heathen freaks. This one lady in particular has talked a lot about saving people. Another friend that used to invite us a lot mentioned several times about a free MDO they were offering was a way to evangelize. Maybe the people that don't have these thoughts and beliefs aren't as vocal about it around here. But I didn't invent the idea out of thin air we are a huge minority here.

 

I grew up in Southern Missouri and you are totally right; I had lots of friends parents who tried to "save" me. My friends never cared that I was Catholic but it sure bugged their parents! That is one of the reasons I moved and will never go back.

[littlebug42]

I am picking up on quite a bit of frustration in your post...the statement "I'm sure trying to save us poor Catholics" has a bit of sarcasm and attitude with it. As a Protestant, raised Baptist and have attended pretty much all protestant denominations in the states we've lived in (Baptist in the South is not the same Baptist elsewhere..so we just find bible teaching churches and leave the labels out of it), I have never believed that Catholics were not saved nor was I taught that in any of the 12 churches I have been a member of during my life. Just because you 'believe' you know what her beliefs are about you does not make it certain...ask her. I cherish my friendships with all my friends (Christian or not) and I try earnestly to remove 'labels' and seek the heart of a person.

 

Tell her you cherish her friendship but that you honestly do get offended because it is your perception that she is putting her faith above yours...and when it comes to your children..YOU are the only one who makes that decision not others...if it's simply a benign invitation because they are asked by their church to 'spread the word' about their VBS program..then apologize for being so sensitive...and politely ask her that it would make you feel better if she leave you off the distribution list when inviting others to church functions. I love for my kids to go to other services...the worship of each are unique and touch us all in special ways...

 

Hope this works out and a friendship can be nurtured!

 

I am glad that you feel this way. However, as someone who is now Catholic, looking back on my Southern Baptist upbringing, we would have whole sermons on Sundays about how evil Catholics were and how they were in the right by not following the same path. Coming from a background like that, I would not ever, in good faith, be able to allow my children to go to events such as VBS etc at a protestant church.

 

I think the OP has gotten great advice. Hopefully she can respect your boundaries.

[mommaduck]

I am glad that you feel this way. However, as someone who is now Catholic, looking back on my Southern Baptist upbringing, we would have whole sermons on Sundays about how evil Catholics were and how they were in the right by not following the same path. Coming from a background like that, I would not ever, in good faith, be able to allow my children to go to events such as VBS etc at a protestant church.

 

I think the OP has gotten great advice. Hopefully she can respect your boundaries.

 

Ditto!

[WishboneDawn]

I am glad that you feel this way. However, as someone who is now Catholic, looking back on my Southern Baptist upbringing, we would have whole sermons on Sundays about how evil Catholics were and how they were in the right by not following the same path. Coming from a background like that, I would not ever, in good faith, be able to allow my children to go to events such as VBS etc at a protestant church.

 

I think the OP has gotten great advice. Hopefully she can respect your boundaries.

 

You'd probably be okay with an Episcopal or Anglican church. On the spectrum we're almost Catholic anyway. :D

Edited July 3, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[mom4him]

I would have a serious heart-to-heart with her. Let her know that you appreciate that they think about you when their outreach events come up, but that you have different beliefs and would appreciate it if they would take you off their invitation list. You're faith is personal to you and you aren't interested. If that doesn't stop it, then I would just not attend and start sending her invitations to every special Mass and event that comes up at your church ;)

:iagree: Be open, honest, kind;), but firm. You have your believe, you are faithful to those convictions, you do not wish to offend her but her continued invitations are offensive to you.:001_smile:

[T'smom]

I am glad that you feel this way. However, as someone who is now Catholic, looking back on my Southern Baptist upbringing, we would have whole sermons on Sundays about how evil Catholics were and how they were in the right by not following the same path. Coming from a background like that, I would not ever, in good faith, be able to allow my children to go to events such as VBS etc at a protestant church.

 

I think the OP has gotten great advice. Hopefully she can respect your boundaries.

 

This shocks me. Whole sermons about Catholics?!?!? I'm the daughter of a Baptist preacher (although not Southern Baptist) and I can't remember him ever even mentioning Catholics. I was very involved with regional/state/national Baptist youth groups and I do not recall anyone ever talking about Catholics.

I don't doubt that you are telling the truth- I just can't imagine and I would hate for someone to think that all Baptists are like that.

[WishboneDawn]

This shocks me. Whole sermons about Catholics?!?!? I'm the daughter of a Baptist preacher (although not Southern Baptist) and I can't remember him ever even mentioning Catholics. I was very involved with regional/state/national Baptist youth groups and I do not recall anyone ever talking about Catholics.

I don't doubt that you are telling the truth- I just can't imagine and I would hate for someone to think that all Baptists are like that.

 

I don't think anyone does. There are some shocking examples of Baptists and some absolutely wonderful examples. Same with most denominations.

 

I'm a Canuck. We owe our system of healthcare to the wonderfully compassionate Baptist minister Tommy Douglas.

[littlebug42]

I don't think anyone does. There are some shocking examples of Baptists and some absolutely wonderful examples. Same with most denominations.

 

I'm a Canuck. We owe our system of healthcare to the wonderfully compassionate Baptist minister Tommy Douglas.

 

I totally agree with this statement. I know that there are churches where they would not encounter that and I am fortunate enough to know wonderful people from all faiths. I am speaking from my own experience and know that, at this age, I would not want them to have religious instruction from someone in another faith until they are more comfortable in their own. For instance, my daughters love Mary and speak of her often in their daily lives. Many protestants, well meaning or not, misunderstand the Catholic relationship with Mary and may, inadvertently or not, say something negative to my children about that. I prefer not to place them in those situations.

 

To T'sMom, yep, whole sermons. I remember one in particular that basically likened Catholics that attend church festivals (and that drink and/or gamble at said festivals) basically to devil worshippers. We were definitely taught that our "mission" should be to save them.

[laundrycrisis]

Next time she asks, say, "listen, I am never going to agree...so there is no point for you to keep inviting us/them...I appreciate it, but there will never be a different answer." If that doesn't stop the invites then this lady has serious boundary issues and I would not want to continue the friendship.

[Soror]

Wow, great advice, I just need to be more firm.

 

I think it is great for those who grow up in churches and areas which don't have an anti-Catholic attitude but please believe that it is alive and real for many more. As you can see by others who have also posted the same problem(Jack Chick's Death Cookie, anyone?). Obviously there are bad examples of every denomination, we as Catholics sure have our share as well. It is my job as a Catholic parent though to pass down our faith though.

[G5052]

FWIW...I say no to every VBS unless I'm involved, doctrine or not. I have a thing about not putting mine into situations where there are a lot of barely supervised kids under people I really don't know.