Thank you notes-- do you find this acceptable?

[Ms. Riding Hood]

We've gotten several grad thank you's that consist of a photo of the lovely grad with a printed "Thanks!" (or more elaborate sentiment) across the photo. If we're lucky, the photo is autographed. We've even gotten a couple of these after weddings--just a printed card, possibly with signature. It annoys me to get a Christmas card that isn't signed, much less a thank you. I think these are totally impersonal, lazy and rude--and this is from one whose dysgraphic/dyslexic ds will graduate next year. Handwriting and spelling are terrible for him, but he WILL hand write a thank you to everyone--and it won't just say "thank you" either.

 

Am I just being old fashioned here? Please tell me that isn't the case!

[ScoutTN]

Old-fashioned or not, I agree with you. We write real TY notes here! :)

[arghmatey]

I care, so we write formal thank you notes.

 

Most people don't care, and I accept that. I make a mental note and forget about it until next time. Generally, though, we aren't big on "required giving", meaning we give gifts only when we actually care for the person and know them. Most people I know who fall into this category are also formal about thank you letters.

 

Perhaps if they do not have time for you, then you do not have time to look for such a wonderful gift next time the occasion arises.

[calandalsmom]

I dont have a problem with it at all.

 

I have better things to worry about than grousing about the level of handwritten-ness of a thank you card for a token.

[arghmatey]

I dont have a problem with it at all.

 

I have better things to worry about than grousing about the level of handwritten-ness of a thank you card for a token.

 

But plenty of time to seek out this thread, formulate an opinion, and type a condescending response. How darling!

[MrsMe]

Impersonal in an impersonal world. Easy to receive, but I guess it's too much work to actually write one. It's all about getting. Sadly, the way of the world. Unacceptable in my opinion. If they are generous enough to find, buy and give a gift, then anything less than handwriting a nice note is lazy. When in this world, did people get so much stuff that they can't take the time out to write a nice thank you note?

 

 

We hand write thank you notes.

Edited June 16, 2011 by alilac

[LauraGB]

I dont have a problem with it at all.

 

I have better things to worry about than grousing about the level of handwritten-ness of a thank you card for a token.

 

But without a proper "thank you", I might have better things to do than shop for and buy and wrap and deliver your gift. ;)

 

 

No, OP, I don't think it's acceptable. I think it's tacky. But it would seem you should just feel blessed that they remembered you at all. :glare:

[Perry]

I'd prefer a handwritten note, but any "Thank You" card is better than none, for me.

[trailofsparks]

I think it's very classy when someone writes a thank you note - identifying the gift and appreciation of it and our attendance to their grad party, for example. Very classy. If someone sent me what they sent you - a mere thank you across their photo. . . well, at least they've acknowledged your gift, which is better than no acknowledgement. I don't like wondering whether they've rec'd my gift.

 

I include delivery confirmations when I send gifts to my nephew and neice :glare: Now, that's a pet peeve of mine.

[LaxMom]

But plenty of time to seek out this thread, formulate an opinion, and type a condescending response. How darling!

 

:smilielol5: you must be southern!

 

Yes, when one is thought of and acknowledged with a gift, one writes a thank you note. If I send your gift to your printer, then I will be delighted to have your printer send the note.

[Farrar]

I dont have a problem with it at all.

 

I have better things to worry about than grousing about the level of handwritten-ness of a thank you card for a token.

:iagree:

 

I couldn't care less about thank you notes. Or the flaming I'll get for having agreed that they don't really matter.

[Aquinas Academy]

 

Yes, when one is thought of and acknowledged with a gift, one writes a thank you note. If I send your gift to your printer, then I will be delighted to have your printer send the note.

:thumbup1:

A printed thank you note is better than no acknowledgement at all, but it is still not acceptable.

ETA: I'm fine with people talking to me and saying, "Thank you for [name of gift]...", I'm even alright with printed or emailed thank yous as long as they say what the gift was and include a signature/name.

Edited June 17, 2011 by Aquinas Academy

[bettyandbob]

I think it's lame. I do have a son who does not write more than his name. He types. He had years of OT. He qualified for and used accommodations on the SAT and AP exams so he could type. So, actually, for this dc I could see myself getting preprinted thank you cards for him to scrawl the few letter of his nickname on next for his high school graduation. Or maybe we will just do what we do at Christmas. He types a letter for each present. No fancy handwritten cards, but he does do a thoughtful typewritten letter, with his name typed at the end. My MIL was so impressed with his Christmas thank you a couple of years ago she shared it with her retired English teacher sister. So, he can do a good thank you, just typed.

[mcconnellboys]

We just got a thank you from an obviously dysgraphic young man. He obviously wrote his notes torturously and they were short. They came quickly upon the heels of the gift, however, and we have yet to get a thank you card from another young man who also lives in our neighborhood, was given the same gift at the same time, and who is not dysgraphic. Nor have we received even a verbal thank you....

 

I don't necessarily need a written thank you for doing something for someone else; but a verbal thank you, at least, would be nice.... I'm not quite sure what it is about saying a simple 'thanks' these days. People seem to begrudge it....

[UnsinkableKristen]

I think that Thank You notes are nice, but I also enjoy Thank You calls & emails & texts & facebook messages/wall posts, etc.

 

It's the gratitude that is nice, not the medium.

[LaxMom]

I think that Thank You notes are nice, but I also enjoy Thank You calls & emails & texts & facebook messages/wall posts, etc.

 

It's the gratitude that is nice, not the medium.

 

Yes, I agree. It's the personal gesture of gratitude.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I think that Thank You notes are nice, but I also enjoy Thank You calls & emails & texts & facebook messages/wall posts, etc.

 

It's the gratitude that is nice, not the medium.

 

 

:iagree: We do handwritten thank you notes in this family, because I'm "Crazy Mom" like that, but I don't begrudge anyone their preferred method of "thanks."

 

I especially love it when my niece calls me and tells me how much she enjoys a gift I've given her. I love the authentic gratitude, so I don't mind if it's a phone call rather than a handwritten note. It wouldn't be fair to hold her to my particular standards, she didn't grow up in my house.

[whitestavern]

Impersonal in an impersonal world. Easy to receive, but I guess it's too much work to actually write one. It's all about getting. Sadly, the way of the world. Unacceptable in my opinion. If they are generous enough to find, buy and give a gift, then anything less than handwriting a nice note is lazy. When in this world, did people get so much stuff that they can't take the time out to write a nice thank you note?

 

 

We hand write thank you notes.

 

:iagree:

[Lady Florida.]

I dont have a problem with it at all.

 

I have better things to worry about than grousing about the level of handwritten-ness of a thank you card for a token.

 

:iagree: A thank you is a thank you. Getting bothered over how someone says thank you isn't worth my time.

[Kim in Appalachia]

:iagree:

 

I couldn't care less about thank you notes. Or the flaming I'll get for having agreed that they don't really matter.

 

 

 

I'm not that big on them either. I'm not big on cards in general. I'm fine with a plain thank-you, even a verbal or email one.

[gardening momma]

I'm fine with a plain thank-you, even a verbal or email one.

I am so grateful for people like you. I have a very hard time getting thank you notes out to people. I don't know why, except that probably the only time I was prompted to do it before I moved out of my parents' house was for my high school graduation gifts. I do give verbal thank yous.

[kewb]

My personal preference would be a hand written note. It is important to me so I have taught my children to write thank you cards. However, the fact that they took the time to send any kind of acknowledgement of your gift should be appreciated. So many people today don't even say thank you let alone send some kind of card.

[LauraGB]

I agree that it's not really the medium, but the idea of taking the time to just say, "Hey, thanks!" It's not hard. Personally, I prefer to make a phone call. But if I have to do several, I would write them, not send a generic picture of my smilin' face.

[Ginevra]

I'm not a fan of anything that is like this. I require my children to write specific, personal thank yous. I have gotten a few "Thank you for your lovely gift," which just gives the general vibe that they couldn't be bothered to know YOU actually gave them the blender or the steak knives.

[Tutor]

I think that Thank You notes are nice, but I also enjoy Thank You calls & emails & texts & facebook messages/wall posts, etc.

 

It's the gratitude that is nice, not the medium.

 

:iagree:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I'm waiting to hear from my cousin. :toetap05: I don't care if he even texts me that he got the cash, I'd just like some sort of response!

[msk]

I like to get some sort of acknowledgment that my gift arrived, but anything (pre-printed note, email, phone call, verbal thank-you upon opening it, whatever) is fine with me.

 

I grew up HATING thank-you notes. My grandmother in particular seemed to constantly grouse about them-- people (myself, and others she complained about in front of me) never sent them soon enough for her taste, or made them long enough, or personal enough. (She expected elaborate notes IN ADDITION to a phone call, which I was always prompt about.) I hated that the established way of complaining about such notes appeared (and still appears) to be a passive-aggressive dig at the gift-receiver via remarks to his/her mother, never a direct, polite enquiry to the person in question. And, I hated that adults never seemed to feel obliged to send a note to children, just children to adults. These things have pretty much soured me on thank-you notes for life, and have made me feel like people who see receiving proper notes as incredibly, vitally important may be giving gifts with strings attached or as part of some elaborate game of manners rather than giving them because they really *want* to give something. I'm sure that's not always true, but unfortunately it tends to be my gut reaction to this issue.

 

If it's clear that someone has spent time and effort making/choosing something special for me, I will send them a special note. If they've given me a scented candle or something else that says "I have no idea what you like, but I care enough about you to try" I feel no guilt over either saying "thank you" when I open it, or sending them a "token" thank-you.

[BatmansWife]

I haven't read all the responses. I never heard of such a thing. But...yes, I don't find that acceptable and it's not very thoughtful. My daughter is a graduate this year and we found some lovely blank thank you cards and she handwrites all her thank yous; this includes mentioning what the item was....so it's not just a generic note that was spit out to every person the same. Yesterday she said she forgot to send a thank you to someone who gave her a gift about 3 weeks ago. She said, "well, it's probably too late now". I said, "It's never too late....write the card and send it today". I also don't like never getting a thank you. It makes you wish you didn't even do anything.

[Parrothead]

I think it's lame. I do have a son who does not write more than his name. He types. He had years of OT. He qualified for and used accommodations on the SAT and AP exams so he could type. So, actually, for this dc I could see myself getting preprinted thank you cards for him to scrawl the few letter of his nickname on next for his high school graduation. Or maybe we will just do what we do at Christmas. He types a letter for each present. No fancy handwritten cards, but he does do a thoughtful typewritten letter, with his name typed at the end. My MIL was so impressed with his Christmas thank you a couple of years ago she shared it with her retired English teacher sister. So, he can do a good thank you, just typed.

I think what your young man does is lovely.

 

My handwriting is hideous. I dislike foisting it upon people. But I do when I am given a gift. Do I expect a thank you note from someone I've given a gift? No, not particularly. I is nice to receive a thoughtful note though.

[keptwoman]

and have made me feel like people who see receiving proper notes as incredibly, vitally important may be giving gifts with strings attached or as part of some elaborate game of manners rather than giving them because they really *want* to give something.

Yes, this exactly! What happened to giving for the joy of giving?

I like to hear that they have got them, but my nieces Facebook IM saying that she LOVED her bag I made her and thank you so much was worth more than any fancily written by compulsion note or card.

[Hannah C.]

I think sending a thank you photo with the word "thanks" is kind of weird...I've never heard of someone doing that.

 

I send handwritten thank you notes, but I often struggle to find something to say besides "Thank you so much for [the gift]! I really appreciate it." My thank you notes are usually very formulaic...but they're handwritten, in cursive no less. ;)

 

If you're someone I'm fairly close to, or closer to my age, you're more likely to get a thank you email/Facebook message. But I'll probably have more to say than just "thank you" too...I don't send those unless I know the receiver won't be insulted by the medium. ;)

Edited June 17, 2011 by Hannah C.

[Harriet Vane]

Old-fashioned or not, I agree with you. We write real TY notes here! :)

 

:iagree:

[Lady Florida.]

 

I grew up HATING thank-you notes. My grandmother in particular seemed to constantly grouse about them-- people (myself, and others she complained about in front of me) never sent them soon enough for her taste, or made them long enough, or personal enough. (She expected elaborate notes IN ADDITION to a phone call, which I was always prompt about.) I hated that the established way of complaining about such notes appeared (and still appears) to be a passive-aggressive dig at the gift-receiver via remarks to his/her mother, never a direct, polite enquiry to the person in question. And, I hated that adults never seemed to feel obliged to send a note to children, just children to adults. These things have pretty much soured me on thank-you notes for life, and have made me feel like people who see receiving proper notes as incredibly, vitally important may be giving gifts with strings attached or as part of some elaborate game of manners rather than giving them because they really *want* to give something. I'm sure that's not always true, but unfortunately it tends to be my gut reaction to this issue.

 

 

 

Oh. My. Word. Replace "my grandmother" with "my aunt" and I could have written this word for word. Maybe that's why I don't get bothered about thank you notes. I'm perfectly fine with whatever type of thank you the recipient offers.

[TXBeth]

I hate thank you notes. Writing them, receving them, whatever. Waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, waste of natural resources. If someone mails a gift, I'd rather call and thank them personally. Likewise, if I mail a gift, I'd like to know that it arrived safely. A call or e-mail is fine. If the gift is given in person and the giver is thanked in person, THERE IS NO REASON TO SEND A NOTE!! Can you tell this ridiculous expectation is a pet peeve of mine? :tongue_smilie:

 

We have baby showers often at our church and usually the mom-to-be will hand out thank-you notes at church a week or two later. I always get excited thinking "oh, an invitation or a card.....nope, just a boring thank you note." :glare:

[ktgrok]

I think it is tacky. And I HATE writing thank you notes. I really think they are dumb for the most part. I do them, because other people like them, but I hate getting them. If you told me thank you in person, or on the phone, or in an email, I don't need a piece of stationary. But...if you DO send me a piece of stationary and waste the paper and stamp it should be a real thank you. I think even formal thank you notes border on wasting paper but what you are describing is beyond pointless.

[readinmom]

My parents, who were born and raised in the South, were horrified to receive one of these types of thank you notes in response to their wedding gift. The note said "Thanks for the gift. It was great!" No signature, no nothing...

[abacus2]

I hate thank you notes. Writing them, receving them, whatever. Waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, waste of natural resources. If someone mails a gift, I'd rather call and thank them personally. Likewise, if I mail a gift, I'd like to know that it arrived safely. A call or e-mail is fine. If the gift is given in person and the giver is thanked in person, THERE IS NO REASON TO SEND A NOTE!! Can you tell this ridiculous expectation is a pet peeve of mine? :tongue_smilie:

 

We have baby showers often at our church and usually the mom-to-be will hand out thank-you notes at church a week or two later. I always get excited thinking "oh, an invitation or a card.....nope, just a boring thank you note." :glare:

 

Where is the like button?

[Farrar]

Honestly, thank you notes touch a bit of a nerve for me. I sent really nice, handwritten ones for all the baby gifts I got before my twins were born, but none after. It was all I could do to get sustenance in me and them for months. One of the small gifts (it was just a onesie) I got after from a cousin didn't get a thank you note. But the giver festered about it for months without telling me then used it to cause this huge fight between my part of the family and hers. We're all still estranged. I mean... yeah, I should have sent a note. But... the overreaction of using that as an excuse to start a big fight that caused two siblings to not speak again... So every time I hear the words "thank you note" I sincerely feel like crying. And it makes me, stubborn me, really loathe and resent writing them. I'd much rather send a note another way or call or something now. It's just too... too weird to me now.

[Aggie]

I always have the dc write thank you notes. I think it's a valuable lesson for them to learn as a young person.

 

However, I can't stand getting them! Let me know it got there via text or email and we're good. I think it's especially rude (as a society) to expect them from new mothers and grieving families.

 

I hate thank you notes. Writing them, receving them, whatever. Waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, waste of natural resources. If someone mails a gift, I'd rather call and thank them personally. Likewise, if I mail a gift, I'd like to know that it arrived safely. A call or e-mail is fine. If the gift is given in person and the giver is thanked in person, THERE IS NO REASON TO SEND A NOTE!! Can you tell this ridiculous expectation is a pet peeve of mine? :tongue_smilie:

 

We have baby showers often at our church and usually the mom-to-be will hand out thank-you notes at church a week or two later. I always get excited thinking "oh, an invitation or a card.....nope, just a boring thank you note." :glare:

 

Exactly.

:iagree:

 

 

Honestly, thank you notes touch a bit of a nerve for me. I sent really nice, handwritten ones for all the baby gifts I got before my twins were born, but none after. It was all I could do to get sustenance in me and them for months. One of the small gifts (it was just a onesie) I got after from a cousin didn't get a thank you note. But the giver festered about it for months without telling me then used it to cause this huge fight between my part of the family and hers. We're all still estranged. I mean... yeah, I should have sent a note. But... the overreaction of using that as an excuse to start a big fight that caused two siblings to not speak again... So every time I hear the words "thank you note" I sincerely feel like crying. And it makes me, stubborn me, really loathe and resent writing them. I'd much rather send a note another way or call or something now. It's just too... too weird to me now.

 

Just a thought....do you think she might have sent something else that you never got? If not, the fight sounds more like a symptom of something else in her life, not a thank you not.:grouphug:

[specialmama]

When it comes to a wedding, I do believe a handwritten note is the only way to go. The note should include a warm salutation, expressed appreciation for the gift, yes ~ actually naming the gift, and another little fact about the gift (where it will be displayed, the colour compliments this and this, it will come in handy on cold winter nights, etc.), and of course a sincere closing.

 

For any other gift at any other time: meh. A smile, a thanks in person/email/voice mail/yelled over the fence, whatever. It's all good. :D

[caitlinsmom]

Generally all gift giving I do is through the mail. I appreciate a thank you through whatever means just so I know that the gift was received. I don't like the new trend the OP is talking about but being a person who has the hardest time writing thank you notes, I know why they do it. However, I would much prefer a FB message that actually says "Hey Kim, got it, thanks." to a generic card.

[Ms. Riding Hood]

I think that Thank You notes are nice, but I also enjoy Thank You calls & emails & texts & facebook messages/wall posts, etc.

 

It's the gratitude that is nice, not the medium.

 

Oh absolutely! I don't mind getting a call or email. But if all I get is your generic note, which only involved you (or even your mom) putting a stamp and address on the envelope, then I think that's pretty lame. It isn't the handwritten note that's important to me, I guess, as much as some kind of *personal* acknowledgment. I guess it's about the attitude of the recipient.

[JadeOrchidSong]

I gave a check with a card to encourage a friend whose husband was seriously ill. She never said anything. Another time I gave a check of a couple hundred $$ to a young woman from my church who lost her baby to encourage and comfort her. She never said a word about it.

What I cared was that they did find the checks inside the envelop.

I only want them to acknowledge that they received the gifts, either by words, or by email. They just left me wondering if they saw the checks. Of course I could check my bank account to see if they cashed the checks. But any form of acknowledge would have been good, at least not leaving me dangle in wonder.

 

The fact that I give the gifts and would like acknowledgment that they have received them doesn't mean I give with strings attached. It is natural just as when you say "hi" to someone with a smile, you would expect that person to say "hi" to you.

[Abigail4476]

A "thank you" of just about any sort makes me fairly happy, but I DO prefer a hand-written note, and those are the ones that end up in my little memory box in the closet.

[Forget-Me-Not]

They kind of bug me because they are so impersonal. But on the other hand, it shows they thought ahead of time about thank-you notes and they took the trouble to stick it in an envelope, address it, stamp it, and mail it, so that counts for something. It's certainly better than no thank-you note at all.