I am so FURIOUS right now!

[5LittleMonkeys]

UPDATE TO THIS DRAMA ON PAGE 5!

 

So, Dh went down to FL on Mon. to get his mom and bring her back here to live with us. (FIL passed last Fri.) The oldest sister lives in NC but took FML in order to be with her dad and mom while he was dying. The youngest sister is the one who has said over and over again that she doesn't want her mom living with her.

 

Since dh got down there the youngest sister has been trying to talk their mom into staying there. (Ofcoarse she waited until dh flew down there to start all this cr**) She keeps saying that she doesn't want her to live with her but that she'll make the sacrifice because she doesn't think living with us is a good idea because she thinks we will make her babysit all the time and expect her to help with our bills. I know you all don't know me personally but I will just tell you that I would NEVER do either of those things to my MIL. We had already told her that we didn't want her paying for anything other than her own personal items. As for babysitting, I have two teenage daughters who are more than capable and experienced in taking care of things when dh and I aren't here. Youngest sister has been telling her mom that we won't take care of her, won't take her to the doctor when she needs to go, won't drive her to places she wants to go...I can't believe that she is doing this to her mom right after she just lost her husband!

 

Dh was supposed to leave this morning to drive back with MIL in her car. Youngest sister was supposed to have called Goodwill to come to MIL's apartment and clear everything out. Oldest sister asked her days ago if she did and she confirmed that she had. She didn't. The lease is up tomorrow. Last night at midnight she called dh and told him that he couldn't leave today because they were going to have to clear out the apartment themselves and transport everything to Goodwill. He told her that was her problem and that he was leaving on schedule but she started whining and crying about how her husband needed dh's help to carry all the big furniture and heavy boxes because she has back problems and couldn't move anything. (Her back problems only manifest when its convenient.) So dh being the type of person he is said he would stay and help. So now he has been out in the 95 degree heat moving furniture and boxes. They only have 1 pickup truck so they have already made 6 trips and aren't done yet. He is exhausted, upset, hurt, frustrated, angry, sad, grieving...and keeping his mouth shut and not telling his sister what he really thinks of her. The oldest sister is furious with her too for this and for other things that have been going on during this whole ordeal.

 

I am so mad I'm shaking. I wish I could go down there and knock her head off!!!! I'd add an emoticon but there isn't one that accurately depicts my level of fury.

 

Thanks for listening.

Edited May 12, 2011 by 5LittleMonkeys
Updating

[DawnM]

:grouphug: Sorry

 

I hate family cr**. DH's family provides enough of it.

Edited May 11, 2011 by DawnM

[BigMamaBird]

Wow. Her behavior is wretched.:001_huh: I guess knocking her head off is putting it lightly.

 

It sounds like you've got a terrific dh there. :grouphug:

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I would be furious too.

 

Cat

[MariannNOVA]

I'm so sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I guess it doesn't help to say that I were your dh, I would put mil in the car and head to you and home.

 

His younger sister is able to pull this nonsense because others get sucked in -- if he leaves, she will have to deal.

 

I hope it all works out.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: And you are a doing a very kind thing.:grouphug:

[arghmatey]

What a brat!

[cindergretta]

Good grief!! Why on earth is she acting like such a crazy spolied brat?! I sincerely have to wonder what her motive is. :glare:

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug: (I wish the crazies in my life were in - laws, but sadly, no, they are my blood relatives. :001_huh: )

[Carpe]

My goodness that is absolutely ridiculous. Is his younger sister ordinarily this disrespectful of other people? I ask because knowing how badly my sister fell apart when our father died, I could almost blame grief for that kind of behaviour. My sister spent probably 3 years in therapy after he passed away (it was unexpected). The first few months she was virtually nonfunctioning and she said things, that in better times, she knew were untrue.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

:grouphug:

I'm sorry.

:grouphug:

 

Does younger sister live near where MIL & FIL live(d)?

 

Not only did she just lose her daddy, but now mom is leaving, also?

 

Even if she is being an idiot, I'd cut her a bit of slack.

:grouphug:

Again, I'm sorry y'all are having to deal with all of this at such a rough time.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

I guess it doesn't help to say that I were your dh, I would put mil in the car and head to you and home. Well, I would have done that too, but dh is trying to keep things civil and calm for his mom's sake.

 

His younger sister is able to pull this nonsense because others get sucked in -- if he leaves, she will have to deal. This has always been the dynamic with their family. Everyone gets furious with her but always gives in to "keep the peace". She and I don't get along at all because I think the price for peace is too steep sometimes and I will call her on her behavior and expect her to be accountable for her actions. Dh asked me not to call her about this or I would be on the phone with her right now.

 

 

 

Thank you for the hugs...I really, really need them right now.

[mmasmommy]

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry you and DH are dealing with this. I hope he is able to get on the road with your MIL soon and things settle down.

[cindergretta]

:grouphug:

Not only did she just lose her daddy, but now mom is leaving, also?

 

 

 

Hmm, maybe that is her motive. Good point!

 

How old is she?

[5LittleMonkeys]

:grouphug:

I'm sorry.

:grouphug:

 

Does younger sister live near where MIL & FIL live(d)?

 

Not only did she just lose her daddy, but now mom is leaving, also?

 

Even if she is being an idiot, I'd cut her a bit of slack.

:grouphug:

Again, I'm sorry y'all are having to deal with all of this at such a rough time.

 

Yes, younger sister lives in the same town. Her mom wanted to move in with her but she told her she couldn't because she didn't want her life disrupted (her words). I'd love to be able to say that this was all grief and would gladly overlook it if it were but unfortunately this is typical behavior for her. In the 20 years I've known this family she has continuously tried to pit family members against each other, taken advantage, and generally been unpleasant to deal with. I really shouldn't be surprised about all this. It really is just her standard mode of operation.

 

As for cutting her slack. She's getting it. That's why dh is down there moving furniture and boxes instead of driving back to me, and why I'm on here typing out my frustration instead of laying into her over the phone.:D

[cindergretta]

As for cutting her slack. She's getting it. That's why dh is down there moving furniture and boxes instead of driving back to me, and why I'm on here typing out my frustration instead of laying into her over the phone.:D

 

:grouphug: Good for you!!! :grouphug: (I think I would be having a HARD time NOT being a pill if I were in your shoes. Well done!!)

[mazakaal]

:grouphug:

 

I'm sorry you and your dh are going through this. I hope it's all resolved soon.

[MariannNOVA]

Thank you for the hugs...I really, really need them right now.

 

 

I think you a model of restraint and grace. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: So sorry for your loss. Hope your dh is home soon and the drama ends.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[OLG]

Dang. Would get my back up too. Deep breaths. This too shall pass.:grouphug:

[AuntieM]

"His younger sister is able to pull this nonsense because others get sucked in -- if he leaves, she will have to deal. This has always been the dynamic with their family. Everyone gets furious with her but always gives in to "keep the peace". She and I don't get along at all because I think the price for peace is too steep sometimes and I will call her on her behavior and expect her to be accountable for her actions. Dh asked me not to call her about this or I would be on the phone with her right now."

 

 

 

FWIW, there is a similar dynamic in our extended family. I am the only one willing to call our dramatic person on her illogical behavior, and therefore am the one who ends up in some wordless "time out" after any challenge to the one who truly makes things harder than they have to be.

 

Just wanted you to know that I consider myself in good company if that is where you find yourself. You are a doll for taking in your MIL and your dh is a real gentleman for giving his little sister room to grieve in her own (albeit inappropriate) way.

 

May God speed your beloved home to you and may your MIL feel welcome and loved during the transition. I know the adjustment will be a challenge to your family but I sense you and your husband are the type of people who will handle it with grace.

[Mary in VA]

:grouphug: :grouphug: How is MIL doing with all of this? It must be so stressful for her to have her dd acting like this. Is she still onboard with moving in with you?

 

Mary

[5LittleMonkeys]

How old is she?

 

She is 43.

 

I think you a model of restraint and grace.

 

Thank you so much. I'm trying very hard for the sake of my own family. The dc are very excited about MIL coming to stay and I don't want to taint that in any way. I'm so glad I can come here and vent and get it all off my chest. Your all such a blessing!

[BeckyFL]

The sorry thing is... even if MIL went to live with her as she is trying to convince her to do, it sounds like it would only be a matter of time before her life would be "disrupted". Then MIL would be uprooted and sent off to where she should have been in the first place. The older people get, the harder that is.

Secondly, she is telling MIL that you will not be faithful in caring for her and yet SHE is the one who dropped the ball on the furniture clean-out. It kind of shows us who would follow through and who wouldn't.

What does MIL think of all of this? Has she expressed her desires to SIL or is she being swayed by all of this?

[cindergretta]

She is 43.

 

 

Oookay... so by no means a "young" adult. :glare:

 

:grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

I'm sorry.

:grouphug:

 

Does younger sister live near where MIL & FIL live(d)?

 

Not only did she just lose her daddy, but now mom is leaving, also?

 

Even if she is being an idiot, I'd cut her a bit of slack.

:grouphug:

Again, I'm sorry y'all are having to deal with all of this at such a rough time.

 

I'm betting this appalling behavior is directly related to grief. People can be irrational in times of high emotion.

 

I'm sorry it's so hard.

 

:grouphug:

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

My sister came to visit my parents for Christmas. She told them she was glad we (my dh and I) moved back close, otherwise if something happened to them she would just as soon burn down their house than deal with it. :glare: I asked my parents if we were raised by the same parents.

 

Hopefully MIL and dh will have a nice ride back together. :grouphug:

[flobee76]

:grouphug: I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this, on top of LOSING YOUR FIL. Ugh... families can be so difficult in the midst of trials.

 

I hope that your DH and MIL have a good drive back and can remember the good times with FIL.

[5LittleMonkeys]

:grouphug: :grouphug: How is MIL doing with all of this? It must be so stressful for her to have her dd acting like this. Is she still onboard with moving in with you?

 

Mary

 

What does MIL think of all of this? Has she expressed her desires to SIL or is she being swayed by all of this?

 

Dh says that she seems to be in somewhat of a daze and is either disregarding all of her youngest's dramatics or is truly just not able to cope so is turning herself off.

 

She still wants to come to our home now but asked dh if he thought she could go back and forth between homes...6 months here and 6 months there. (There is a 1 year old grand baby there that she adores.) Dh said that he didn't think that would work because the youngest sister isn't willing to keep a room for her if she were to only live with her part-time. It is all or nothing as far as the youngest sister is concerned. He did tell her that we would make arrangements for her to go back and visit for a week every couple of months as long as her health allowed it and as long as the sister would be willing to provide her with appropriate accommodations (no sleeping on the couch for a week).

 

I have the feeling that sister is going to constantly be calling MIL and trying to talk her into going back to FL. Then once she is there....someone mentioned it already...she will figure out that she doesn't really want the prize she won.

[Little Nyssa]

My grandma used to say that breaking up a household after a death in the family brings out the worst in everybody. After she died, and my uncle started his bad behavior and I tried to reason with him, my aunt said, "you've got to realize... he's only about 5 years old right now." So I think I would also cut her a bit of slack.

That said, I don't see why it would be unreasonable for MIL to contribute a little to household expenses, if she were able, so that accusation would not bother me.

Seems like your SIL is just feeling really guilty that she does not want MIL herself, and is taking it out on your family. :grouphug:

[Audrey]

I understand your frustration. It is hard watching your spouse have to battle with his irrational siblings. :grouphug:

 

But... the best thing you can do is let him battle it with them himself. It really will be better for his relationship with them, and for your relationship with them.

 

I am speaking from experience. I have some tough family members, too, but I wouldn't want my dh to jump in the fray. I have my own way of handling family. I've been doing it my whole life and I know how they work. It drives my dh nuts to be witness to some of their shenanigans, but one of the nicest things he ever said to me was "I admire the way you always love your family, even when they are so d*mn hard to love." So, let your dh "love" them the way he needs to. They will work it out eventually.

[simka2]

If it helps I will tell you what we have going on in our family right now. My grandfather died this Fall. We would have loved for my Grandmother (a quiet alcoholic) to move near my mother who has been sober for around 10 years. My mother is the stable responsible one of her 2 sisters. Grandma chose to stay near her other 2 daughters who are extreme alcoholics and mooch thousands of dollars off her!!!! (I mean well into $50,000+ range each, not includeing bad real estate deals) :glare:

 

One daughter just had her license revoked, this is after her 7th stint in rehab, and now she and Grandma have runaway to Las Vegas and are spending all of Grandpa's money in a hurry! :tongue_smilie:All we can do is sit and watch, hoping this binge ends with them both in one piece.

 

:grouphug: Aren't families fun?!!!! :banghead:

[kalanamak]

S

 

I am so mad I'm shaking. I wish I could go down there and knock her head off!!!! I'd add an emoticon but there isn't one that accurately depicts my level of fury.

 

 

Yeek. Hope he has a pleasant drive back, and GM is doing okay. I hate to mention this, but sometimes when really old folks have such an uprooting, they arrive with UTI or pneumonia. I've seen this happen before.:(

 

Dingbattedness comes out under stress. Your SIL sounds like a dingbat. Luckily, she lives far away. :grouphug::grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

So, let your dh "love" them the way he needs to. They will work it out eventually.

 

Your advice is very sound. I do let him deal with his sister in his own way, I've only ever gotten involved when she brings me into it or has done something directly to me. As for him loving this sister....there is no love there. She made sure of that years ago. He has always maintained civility toward her for the sake of his parents. Once his mom is gone I doubt he will ever have any contact with her again.

[BlessedMom]

:grouphug:

[OK Family]

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

If it helps I will tell you what we have going on in our family right now. My grandfather died this Fall. We would have loved for my Grandmother (a quiet alcoholic) to move near my mother who has been sober for around 10 years. My mother is the stable responsible one of her 2 sisters. Grandma chose to stay near her other 2 daughters who are extreme alcoholics and mooch thousands of dollars off her!!!! (I mean well into $50,000+ range each, not includeing bad real estate deals) :glare:

 

One daughter just had her license revoked, this is after her 7th stint in rehab, and now she and Grandma have runaway to Las Vegas and are spending all of Grandpa's money in a hurry! :tongue_smilie:All we can do is sit and watch, hoping this binge ends with them both in one piece.

 

:grouphug: Aren't families fun?!!!! :banghead:

 

Uugh, how awful! I'm sorry you have to go through that.

 

This sister has taken thousands and thousands of dollars off of her parents too. I would estimate between 60 and 70 thousand over the last 20 years. They've taken out several lines of credit for her when she was trying to remodel a house. One week after the house was completed she decided to walk away from it and let the bank foreclose on it. (She decided that she didn't want the payments.) She then refused to help them pay back the money saying that they owed it to her anyway because they never helped her pay for college. See, I'm typing that out and thinking to myself that no one would believe anyone could be that horrid to their own parents but she is...and they always defended her. I don't get their dynamic....and don't really want to either. Gosh it makes me glad my family is so boring and mundane.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I hate to mention this, but sometimes when really old folks have such an uprooting, they arrive with UTI or pneumonia. I've seen this happen before.:(

 

 

 

This does worry me. I don't know if anyone has been making sure shes taking her medicine or if she is eating properly. I also don't know if she really even has had time to grieve. I just want to get her home and get her settled.

 

Oh and dingbat is probably to mild a word for her...I think she eats dingbats for breakfast.:D

[5LittleMonkeys]

Dh just called and said that his oldest sister (the good one) sprung for a suite at a resort down there for them to spend the night at. His oldest sister is flying back home tomorrow. They were going to crash on the couches at the youngest sister's for the night but they are both so fed up with her that they couldn't stand the thought of being around her anymore. Oldest sister is getting a facial and dh is getting a Swedish massage. :D He is so sweet. I was telling him to enjoy his dinner at the 4 star restaurant they are going to go to and he said he'd rather have grilled cheese and soup with me and the kids. I love that man. He will pick up his mom in the morning and will be home tomorrow evening.

 

Thanks to all of you for getting me through this day. I'm not nearly as furious as I was earlier. MIL's room is ready. Her bed is made. There is a rocking chair, nightstand, lamp, and dresser ready for her. There is a vase of flowers and a big sign the dc made that says "Welcome Home MamMam!" I also found a bottle of Rum Island Iced Tea in the pantry that I will get acquainted with after the dc are in bed tonight. To tell you how often I feel like I need something to help me relax...I bought it last summer and it is still half full. :D

[kalanamak]

Dh just called and said that his oldest sister (the good one) sprung for a suite at a resort down there for them to spend the night at. His oldest sister is flying back home tomorrow. They were going to crash on the couches at the youngest sister's for the night but they are both so fed up with her that they couldn't stand the thought of being around her anymore. Oldest sister is getting a facial and dh is getting a Swedish massage. :D He is so sweet. I was telling him to enjoy his dinner at the 4 star restaurant they are going to go to and he said he'd rather have grilled cheese and soup with me and the kids. I love that man. He will pick up his mom in the morning and will be home tomorrow evening.

 

Thanks to all of you for getting me through this day. I'm not nearly as furious as I was earlier. MIL's room is ready. Her bed is made. There is a rocking chair, nightstand, lamp, and dresser ready for her. There is a vase of flowers and a big sign the dc made that says "Welcome Home MamMam!" I also found a bottle of Rum Island Iced Tea in the pantry that I will get acquainted with after the dc are in bed tonight. To tell you how often I feel like I need something to help me relax...I bought it last summer and it is still half full. :D

 

Ahhhh, the first paragraph of the happy ending!

[meggie]

Dh just called and said that his oldest sister (the good one) sprung for a suite at a resort down there for them to spend the night at. His oldest sister is flying back home tomorrow. They were going to crash on the couches at the youngest sister's for the night but they are both so fed up with her that they couldn't stand the thought of being around her anymore. Oldest sister is getting a facial and dh is getting a Swedish massage. :D He is so sweet. I was telling him to enjoy his dinner at the 4 star restaurant they are going to go to and he said he'd rather have grilled cheese and soup with me and the kids. I love that man. He will pick up his mom in the morning and will be home tomorrow evening.

 

Thanks to all of you for getting me through this day. I'm not nearly as furious as I was earlier. MIL's room is ready. Her bed is made. There is a rocking chair, nightstand, lamp, and dresser ready for her. There is a vase of flowers and a big sign the dc made that says "Welcome Home MamMam!" I also found a bottle of Rum Island Iced Tea in the pantry that I will get acquainted with after the dc are in bed tonight. To tell you how often I feel like I need something to help me relax...I bought it last summer and it is still half full. :D

If I could, I would sent that SIL of yours a thank you card. But I'm sure she'd be creeped out since she doesn't even know me :001_huh:. But how awesome of her.

 

And families......*sigh* I'm so sorry that sister is like that. I can not even begin to imagine:svengo:

[Jen+4dc]

I understand your frustration. It is hard watching your spouse have to battle with his irrational siblings. :grouphug:

 

But... the best thing you can do is let him battle it with them himself. It really will be better for his relationship with them, and for your relationship with them.

 

I am speaking from experience. I have some tough family members, too, but I wouldn't want my dh to jump in the fray. I have my own way of handling family. I've been doing it my whole life and I know how they work. It drives my dh nuts to be witness to some of their shenanigans, but one of the nicest things he ever said to me was "I admire the way you always love your family, even when they are so d*mn hard to love." So, let your dh "love" them the way he needs to. They will work it out eventually.

:iagree:Well said.

 

:grouphug: to the OP. I hope things settle down well when they get back home to you!

[lisamarie]

I think your story about the home equity loan says it all. She's realizing that her gravy train is leaving and most likely her built in babysitter of said 1 year old. Knowing that your DH is probably the "strong one" out of the bunch, she's probably scared that he'll refuse to let his mom help pay for her crap any longer.

[Harriet Vane]

Having read the continuing saga, I'm feeling less sympathetic towards your sil.

 

Is your dh prepared for some morning drama when he picks up his mother? For a last-minute decision for her to stay with dh's sister after all? He may well need to coax her to come along, perhaps with phrases such as, "Let's not make last minute changes. You know you can always come back."

 

:grouphug:

[5LittleMonkeys]

Having read the continuing saga, I'm feeling less sympathetic towards your sil.

 

Is your dh prepared for some morning drama when he picks up his mother? For a last-minute decision for her to stay with dh's sister after all? He may well need to coax her to come along, perhaps with phrases such as, "Let's not make last minute changes. You know you can always come back."

 

:grouphug:

 

Yes, he and I fully expect that she will not be ready to go in the morning. His sister is supposed to make sure she has all of her belongings packed and ready to go but as of 30 minutes ago she hadn't even started. Dh's plan for the morning is to put enough clothes for a week into a suitcase and grab all of her medicine and medical supplies for taking care of her trach and tell his sister that she will have to ship the rest to us or bring it all with her when they all come to our house for a memorial service for FIL at the end of the month. IF his mom tells him that she has changed her mind he said he will try to get her to come telling her what you said about always being able to come back if she chooses. If it turns into a big kerfluffle he said he will just accept it and tell her that under the circumstances she needs to pay for him to fly back home. He knows she is under a lot of stress and that she probably isn't thinking clearly. He doesn't want her to feel like she is being forced to leave.

 

We want her to come live with us. We know that it is what is best for her but it isn't a hill dh is willing to die on.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Knowing that your DH is probably the "strong one" out of the bunch, she's probably scared that he'll refuse to let his mom help pay for her crap any longer.

 

This is probably a big part of it. Dh found out Mon. that she had her name put on her mom's checking account and told her mom to leave a book of checks with her so she could take care of any financial "loose ends" that might come up. :confused:

 

Dh said he isn't going to do anything right now about it but that in a couple weeks he is going to have his mom put him on the checking account too and if he sees any misuse going on he will have her close the account.

 

I'm telling you guys...this woman is a real piece of....work.

[Danestress]

I know it's too late now, because your husband is there.

 

But I remember when my Dad died. He had been sick a long time and the caregiving was exhausting, even though my mom was the one giving primary care. Death and grief are exhausting. After my father died, I think I was in a coma. There is NO WAY I could have packed up a house. There is no way I could do what your DH is trying to do - or what his sister is trying to do. I can't even imagine. I could hardly boil pasta.

 

Some people go into "efficiency overdrive" as a response to stress and grief. Other's experience the opposite. I was heavy as lead.

 

If anyone asked me, I would certainly have recommended that they wait a few months for these changes - even if it meant hiring full time care for MIL in her home. I would not want to move her so quickly on the heels of being widowed. I would not want to put that pressure on younger sister. I would not want that pressure on DH.

 

I think the only way to handle this, at this point, is with a boat load of grace, patience and prayer. No one should expect a grieving son to do what your DH is doing, and no one should expect a grieving daughter to pack up a whole house so quickly. It's ridiculous. Even if they weren't close to their Dad, we grieve differently for parents who were estranged, but we still grieve.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I know it's too late now, because your husband is there.

 

But I remember when my Dad died. He had been sick a long time and the caregiving was exhausting, even though my mom was the one giving primary care. Death and grief are exhausting. After my father died, I think I was in a coma. There is NO WAY I could have packed up a house. There is no way I could do what your DH is trying to do - or what his sister is trying to do. I can't even imagine. I could hardly boil pasta.

 

Some people go into "efficiency overdrive" as a response to stress and grief. Other's experience the opposite. I was heavy as lead.

 

If anyone asked me, I would certainly have recommended that they wait a few months for these changes - even if it meant hiring full time care for MIL in her home. I would not want to move her so quickly on the heels of being widowed. I would not want to put that pressure on younger sister. I would not want that pressure on DH.

 

I think the only way to handle this, at this point, is with a boat load of grace, patience and prayer. No one should expect a grieving son to do what your DH is doing, and no one should expect a grieving daughter to pack up a whole house so quickly. It's ridiculous. Even if they weren't close to their Dad, we grieve differently for parents who were estranged, but we still grieve.

 

I agree with you completely. We asked MIL and youngest SIL to wait. The lease was up on MIL's apartment today but we asked weeks ago if they would talk to the apartment manager about the situation and try to extend the lease. They (MIL and SIL) didn't want to do that. At the time the doctors had told everyone that they thought FIL would last much longer than he did, at one time saying a year with chemo and radiation. The plan was to move her into an assisted living facility adjacent to the rehab center he was going to be in. About a week later they revised his time to 3 months. Just days after that they gave him a week and two days later he was gone. It all happened so fast. She has been in SIL's house for the last three weeks while the my oldest SIL has been packing it all up (she started packing right after FIL was diagnosed because they knew he was terminal and wouldn't be able to go back to the apartment). After FIL passed we asked youngest SIL to let MIL stay with her for atleast a couple more weeks but she and MIL both said they wanted to make the move immediately. It was only when dh arrived down there on Mon. that SIL started trying to talk MIL into staying.

 

You are right that it isn't a good situation for anyone. Dh could have put his foot down and refused to go get his mom but at the time youngest SIL was adamant about getting her out of her house and we were concerned that she wasn't giving MIL the support or care that she needs right now. There is no doubt that it should have all been dealt with better and I wish for all involved that it had been. Dh is strong and always goes into crises control in situations like this but I know when he gets home its going to hit him. I think the same is true for his youngest sister. I think when all this drama is over with she will regret many of her actions during this whole ordeal and will grieve not only for her dad but for her mom too. I can't change the past but I can pray that hearts will heal and that once we get MIL here we can begin to fold her into our home and family with little interference. Right now, she is our main concern.

[kolamum]

:grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

Just checking in to see if your dh and mil are on the way or not . . . praying for all of you.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Just checking in to see if your dh and mil are on the way or not . . . praying for all of you.

 

Yes, and wonder of wonders...she was all packed and waiting to go! I asked dh if there were any dramatics from his sister or mom and he said there weren't. They said their goodbyes and that was that. I'm so relieved that he didn't have to deal with any drama this morning. They should be home about 9 tonight.

 

I just want to say again ... thank you to all of you for listening and offering hugs and prayers! I'll update in a few days to let everyone know how things are going.:001_smile: