Blueridge Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 ...but seemed happy in all other ways except their body image, would you take that dc to a medical doctor? Counselor? Or keep them from being exposed to possible scrutiny (and potential consequences) by those professionals? What would be a turning point to help you make that decision? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) How thin? What sort of behaviors? What body image issues? Edited April 25, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 How old? Why too thin? Too thin to be healthy? Got thin through extreme diet and exercise? Illness? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 :bigear: I am facing this with my dd. Just listening in :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 If they were dropping significantly on the growth charts for whatever reason (either losing weight or not gaining appropriately while growing), then yes, I'd take them to a doctor, as that's an indication that serious problems need to be ruled out. If they were physically and mentally healthy, but naturally on the thin side and wanting to gain, we'd look into ways to bulk up in a healthy manner (eating healthy fats, increasing muscle mass through reasonable exercise, and so forth). If I felt they had an unhealthy body image issue that needed to be addressed, I'd consider therapy if it seemed like a big deal to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 ...but seemed happy in all other ways except their body image, would you take that dc to a medical doctor? Counselor? Or keep them from being exposed to possible scrutiny (and potential consequences) by those professionals? What would be a turning point to help you make that decision? The bolded would be worrisome to me. I would probably start by going to a medical doctor and follow up with the doctor's suggestions. I was considered thin and often "too" thin during my teen years, but it was just due to a naturally high metabolism. I never even thought about my weight. If your child is struggling with body image, I would be worried despite the appearance of being happy otherwise. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 It's easy to fake happy on the outside. If one of my children suddenly was losing weight and became too thin, and I recognized an unhappy or unhealthy body image, I would definitely involve a doctor. I would probably start with a medical doctor, depending on relationship with child, so as to not immediately put the child on the defensive. Well, that's not true. Assuming I maintain the kinds of relationships I have right now with my boys, I'd start with asking what's up and see if we can't have a decent conversation about it. Not an accusing kind of conversation, just a chit chat (or three) over a cup of coffee or whatever to see if he'd talk to me. If not, or if what I learned in that conversation raised more alarms, I'd head to the pediatrician or family doctor first, just to rule out any medical issue. Then we'd go from there. If I didn't have the kind of relationship where I could talk to my kid, I'd maybe just approach this as "time for everyone to get a check-up at the doctor's..." and ask the doctor ahead of time to pay special attention to weight loss since last visit. If an eating disorder is suspected, or drug use, I'd still start with the doctor as my first step. It is definitely not something I would ignore. I've seen the effects of both, in people pretty close to me, and I would absolutely take it seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeegal Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 ...but seemed happy in all other ways except their body image, would you take that dc to a medical doctor? Counselor? Or keep them from being exposed to possible scrutiny (and potential consequences) by those professionals? What would be a turning point to help you make that decision? How thin, are they height/weight proportional or close to it? Do they see themselves on the thin-side or do they consider themselves fat? Can you get the child focused on being active and healthy eating, or are they obsessed with dieting and getting thinner? Does your child have enough energy to enjoy everyday life? Or is your child easily exhausted? It really varies situation to situation. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kdeno Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I was six feet tall and 110 pounds. I hated it. I didn't have any type of eating disorder. The doctor told me to have a McD shake daily. I was picked on terribly. :grouphug::grouphug: Hopefully she will have an easier time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. Child needs to be seen by both a MD and a psychiatrist. These are all signs of anorexia, especially eating in secret. My niece is anorexic and her dangerous low was 87 lbs (she's 5'7). I pray that this child is a lot shorter.... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. That sounds like anorexia to me. A college roommate had the same behaviors and finally had to be admitted into a special hospital that focused on eating disorders. Years later she is fine, but it was scary for a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Its not normal for a child to lose 30 pounds in one year. I think its obvious the child needs to be seen by a professional. Why are they hesitating? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Those are screaming warning signs for anorexia. :( What is the reason for not doing something? This poor girl needs some help. Children, even overweight children, don't generally lose 30lbs in one year. That is a lot for a growing, developing human being to lose. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Definitely sounds like an eating disorder. The child needs to be seen by a professional. Why the concern over "possible scrutiny"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Your OP was unclear. The follow-up listed clear signs of anorexia-type behaviors. Given that, I would look for a counselor that specializes in eating disorders *immediately*. The longer these go on, the deeper ingrained they become, the harder it is to return to a healthy (physically and mentally) lifestyle. I would also immediately insist that my child start taking a good multivitamin with iron *and* additional zinc supplementation (for a total of 50-100mg per day) every day. The zinc would be very important. But if the child is *intentionally* losing weight, has lost more than 10-15% of her body weight, is limiting even healthy foods to an unhealthy extent, is expressing irrational concern for body image, and is eating in secret? Look for professional help NOW. A fear of "being judged" will only prevent this family from getting the help they need in a timely manner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I had a very young child who lost a lot of weight, and I did take the child to a doctor. It scared me. I then had to try to convince that child to eat and feed lots of high calorie food. In that sense it was easier to have a young child. If you suspect an eating disorder, I definitely think it warrants medical attention. I had a friend (weighing about 105 lbs) who got sick and lost 10 lbs and it was shocking. I had a friend in college who took Ensure. So I do think keeping one's weight up can be an issue, and should be investigated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. I would be googling local resources. In my neck of the woods, there is an eating disorder clinic at a local hospital, among the best of the best. There might be such a clinic at a local hospital, and if I were the mom, I'd waste no time getting seen there. Google and check out the websites of local hospitals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would absolutely seek expert professional help. I would not delay or try changing things around at home. Anorexia has the highest fatality rate of any mental illness, and permanent physical damage is common among survivors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would absolutely seek expert professional help. I would not delay or try changing things around at home. Anorexia has the highest fatality rate of any mental illness, and permanent physical damage is common among survivors. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 Thanks everyone. The child is my dd's distant friend, and a fellow co-op member. This mom is extremely afraid/paranoid (I'm not trying to sound critical) about the 'state' getting involved with homeschooling families. She is extremely private about personal things like this, so it was amazing when she talked to me about it. She is afraid that, if she takes her child to a doctor or professional counselor looking like this, they might contact social services or something because they expect abuse. Not likely, but honestly it is in the realm of possibility I guess. I think the doctor would appreciate her deep concern (maybe I am naive). She just doesn't want to sit and do nothing, but she is afraid to proceed and do the wrong thing. I just feel so sorry for her because she seems to be such a sweet, gentle person who is heartbroken about it all. So you think she should approach it from a medical perspective first? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I can totally appreciate her fear, but this is a medical and psychiatric issue that needs addressing. Anorexia is a common :( disorder and no dr worth his or her salt would ever involve "authorities" when a family is seeking help for a mental health issue, kwim? Poor girl, poor mama. :( I will pray for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 She needs to approah a doctor. Immediately. I understand the concern, well, not really but I do know other parents who think like her. I know a family though that in the attempt to not involve 'the government', because the believed that doctors were akin to governmental spies, actually had a child die from a treatable disease. At the point the child died, social services absolutely dd become involved and removed the rest of the children. To me it seems that the mother has 2 choices - seek help or let her child possibly die. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Better to risk authorities involvement than her child's life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Agreeing with everyone who said intervention now! One of my cousin's bridesmaids (I was the maid of honor) died of anorexia. Everyone thought she was doing so well until the day of the wedding and we were all getting into our gowns. Seeing her shoulder blades, backbone, ribs, etc. made it abundantly clear that she wasn't okay. She tried to act like everything was fine. Ate a piece of cake at the reception, snacked on some veggies and fruit. The bride caught her in the bathroom throwing up. She was dead within a year. Please, please.....30 lbs. secret eating, baggy clothes in order to cover it, etc. Red Flags, Red Flags, Red Flags. She needs a hospital, a program, a psychiatrist who specializes in this, nutritional therapy, and that mamma needs a massive amount of support because even with help, the success rate isn't all that great if there is already permanent damage to kidneys, liver, esophogus, etc. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. In that situation, I would definitely see a doctor and a nutritionist, and if they couldn't get through to her, a psychologist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 Thank you all so much. I am planning a visit with this lady later this week, and will advise her to seek a doctor's help now, and not feel ashamed or afraid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 From experience, I would locate a place that specializes in Eating Disorders alone and contact them. I don't know if your friend is near a city but if she is, there probably should be one. And if there are options, choose the one that specifically is for teens. Eating disorders are sooo complicated that even a doctor/hospital aren't the "best" answer. Try to find a place that specializes in Eating disorders only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Thank you all so much. I am planning a visit with this lady later this week, and will advise her to seek a doctor's help now, and not feel ashamed or afraid. The mama feels ashamed? :( She has nothing to be ashamed of. :grouphug: Prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Better to risk authorities involvement than her child's life. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbmom Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 I think she runs a much higher risk of having authorities involved in some sort of investigation if she does nothing than if she seeks out help from a medical professional. If she contacts her doctor/pediatrician and tells them she is worried her dd has an eating disorder there would be no reason for anyone else to become involved but if she does nothing and the child gets sick and mom needs to take her to a doctor but has done nothing to address the situation they might feel like there is reason to involve the authorities. Add to that that I am sure any mom would rather deal with authorities of some sort than the death of their child it seems like a no-brainer. I hope you are able to give her the guidance and encouragement she needs to get her dd the help she needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. I'd run, not walk, to the nearest psychologist or eating disorder clinic they can find and get help! I thought you mean just a thin child. I was 100 lbs. in high school and 5'7". My mom thought I was anorexic, but I was not. She drove me nuts. I found out years later that she went to a counselor about it and the counselor told her not to make an issue out of it and I finally understood why my mom only cooked for herself and my dad in my high school years. I had to fend for myself. Anyway... I was malnourished and had a high metabolism. Once I found out I have Celiac Disease, I went gluten free and gained weight like crazy. I was simply malnourished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 She needs to approah a doctor. Immediately. I understand the concern, well, not really but I do know other parents who think like her. I know a family though that in the attempt to not involve 'the government', because the believed that doctors were akin to governmental spies, actually had a child die from a treatable disease. At the point the child died, social services absolutely dd become involved and removed the rest of the children. To me it seems that the mother has 2 choices - seek help or let her child possibly die. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 This child is 14, and the mom is beside herself because dc currently weighs 90 pounds, and lost around 30 pounds over the last year. I can attest to the fact that the child is pale and 'bony', very frail and unhealthy looking. Not sure if it's rigid portion control, exercise, or both. The child is also said to be obsessed with 'healthy' eating ideas (no salad dressing, little meat), but is exhibiting some unhealthy habits like eating in secret for some meals and wearing baggy clothes. It's heartbreaking, all the worrying that is being done. She needs to know where to turn for help without being judged. She is a homeschooler. She needs proper medical intervention NOW, please. I lost a niece to anorexia last year. Please get help now. Please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted April 26, 2011 Share Posted April 26, 2011 Thanks everyone. The child is my dd's distant friend, and a fellow co-op member. This mom is extremely afraid/paranoid (I'm not trying to sound critical) about the 'state' getting involved with homeschooling families. She is extremely private about personal things like this, so it was amazing when she talked to me about it. She is afraid that, if she takes her child to a doctor or professional counselor looking like this, they might contact social services or something because they expect abuse. Not likely, but honestly it is in the realm of possibility I guess. I think the doctor would appreciate her deep concern (maybe I am naive). She just doesn't want to sit and do nothing, but she is afraid to proceed and do the wrong thing. I just feel so sorry for her because she seems to be such a sweet, gentle person who is heartbroken about it all. So you think she should approach it from a medical perspective first? Actually, if the mother expresses her deep concern and speaks with the Dr about it, there's less of a chance of authorities being involved as much as a stranger seeing the child and presuming the parents aren't feeding her and then calling CPS on her. jmho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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