Haiku Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 My kids (9 and 8) have been begging for more freedom around the neighborhood. I let them walk to where I work, about 4 blocks away, because it is all back streets. They have to stay together. There's really not a whole lot of other places to go. Tonight they get to stay up "as late as they want" watching movies. We let them do this about twice a year. They wanted some snacks to go with their movie watching, and they asked whether they could walk to the drugstore that is across the street from where I work. You have to cross a main, busy, four-lane street. After consulting with dh and speaking to a friend of mine, I gave them permission to do so. We went over all the safety rules, and I reminded them that they had to cross the busy street at the light when they had the walk signal. They assured me they would. Unbeknownst to them, one of my bestest friends, who lives right by where they were going, went down the street to covertly keep an eye on them. He called to report that rather than walking down the block to the light, they chose to run across the main street from the end of the neighborhood street they came from. He immediately went over the drugstore and "happened" to run into them, waylaying them until I could get there. I told the kids that someone where I work called and told me they saw my children run across the street and that they would not be taking walks around the neighborhood unsupervised for a long time. I know that some will be appalled that I would have let my children do this in the first place, and others will be appalled that I lied to my kids about how I found out about it. My friend did not want to be the bad guy, so the unspecified person I work with took the fall, hence no one for them to be mad at. I'm not sure at this point whether it was my epic fail to allow them to do this or their epic fail to deliberately disobey me. I'm very disappointed. I'm just glad nothing happened to them. :( Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 :grouphug: So hard to know when they are responsible enough to do these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 The only way to know if they are old enough to have the freedom is to give them some and see what they do with it. Obviously, they are not ready and you have all learned something from it. No one's fault. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 It's not an epic fail at all! The entire point if loosening the leash a bit is so they and you can learn from experience. You learned it pays to check up on kids. They learned mom always finds out. Everyone learned to wait a bit longer to try that experience again. ETA: Really. I'm not appalled at all. *shrug* Kids did that all the time growing up and most survived. And nearly all learned a lot along the way. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I would have let my kids do it and I would have been shocked, as you were, that they broke the rules. I can definately see how you are disappointed. But I don't think you did anything wrong. You tested them and they did fail. Now you know. Sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 It's not an epic fail at all! The entire point if loosening the leash a bit is so they and you can learn from experience. You learned it pays to check up on kids. They learned mom always finds out. Everyone learned to wait a bit longer to try that experience again. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I don't think it is your epic failure. I do think it was a 'generous' freedom that you granted them. (But only you know the situation/safety level so only you can say if it was too much freedom) I do think the kids made a bag choice. I do think that 8 and 9yos often make bad choices. I do think that an 8 and 9yo, who have been recently reminded of 'rules', should have consequences if they deliberately break the rules. I do think that if my 8 and 9yo made such a poor decision, it would make me question their maturity in following directions, and they would not be allowed this generous freedom again for a Very Long Time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 whether you are of a religious bent or not, praise something. Isn't it every mother's greatest hope that her children will just get caught? Kids doing bad stuff and getting caught is GOOD. This was a great day. It's an important, formative experience. Yeah for the village raising the child. It's a total bummer that kids can't always get caught when they do stupid things. But today, it all worked in your favor and you win:) Obviously we all prefer that our children would just never do anything wrong. But if they are going to do something wrong, caught is good. You gave some freedom and they abused it. That's second best to having perfect kids who never disappoint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Nope. You did nothing wrong. And, I totally wish I had a neighbor like yours who would look out for my kids like that! What is your kids' reaction to you finding out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 9 and 8yo should have known better. What I've done in the past was to make sure they knew I no longer trust them. So I hold their hand when we walk on the street. Stuff they were allowed to do on their own, they can no longer do unless I'm there, etc. But in your specific case, I would definitely go over safety instructions. I might consider a trip to the local police station (if they're friendly) for a talk with a policeman on how to cross a street and why. Obviously your kids are clueless as to why it's dangerous to run across. The police station might have some videos to show them. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Sounds like you handled it very well, as did your friend who called you and then stalled them until you got there. It would be nice to have a P.I. I could send to check up on my kids now and then!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I would have let my kids do it and I would have been shocked, as you were, that they broke the rules. I can definately see how you are disappointed. But I don't think you did anything wrong. You tested them and they did fail. Now you know. Sorry. :grouphug: Oh come on. Shocked?:001_huh: Let's not be too hard here. Kids occasionally disobey. Especially boys on an adventure. I would be disappointed and there would be consequences, but shocked? No. Not really. Seems a typical kid in the heat of the moment thing to me. Like climbing trees, wading into creeks, and jousting on bikes and many other things that wouldn't get parental approval but are par for the course. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 whether you are of a religious bent or not, praise something. Isn't it every mother's greatest hope that her children will just get caught? Kids doing bad stuff and getting caught is GOOD. This was a great day. It's an important, formative experience. Yeah for the village raising the child. It's a total bummer that kids can't always get caught when they do stupid things. But today, it all worked in your favor and you win:) Obviously we all prefer that our children would just never do anything wrong. But if they are going to do something wrong, caught is good. You gave some freedom and they abused it. That's second best to having perfect kids who never disappoint. :iagree: So well-put. Tara, you absolutely did everything right. I was walking all over the neighborhood alone when I was 10. They definitely weren't too young to try this out. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I think you did EVERYTHING right. You gave them just enough rope to hang themselves, LOL. This was a teaching moment. And honestly, one of the best lessons is "you never know who is watching." That alone will keep them out of trouble later on. It will be ok. They will learn. You did good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 The only way to know if they are old enough to have the freedom is to give them some and see what they do with it. Obviously, they are not ready and you have all learned something from it. No one's fault. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Kids disobey. You did nothing wrong. I think it's great that you gave them an opportunity, and unfortunate that they abused the privilege. I'm thankful that your friend caught them. We just discovered that our eldest has been viewing some unsavory things online. We just allowed him his first computer in his own bedroom. We told him to ask permission before using the internet, set up minimal filters, and trusted him. He's had the computer for just two weeks. Thankfully the material was just Youtube clips from various PG-13 films. It could have been worse. Sometimes kids disappoint. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I bet the 9yo would have gone to the corner had she been alone. Somehow when you got two of them together it decreases the amount of brain power available. Well, it's been my experience anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 The only problem is that now they can't go shopping for you. :D Don't be hard on yourself. They are okay and will think twice once you let them do this again. Many children cross streets at lights at that age. It just depends on the situation. Mine were clueless in a parking lot so they terrified me at street corners but I walked to the store at that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 The only way to know if they are old enough to have the freedom is to give them some and see what they do with it. Obviously, they are not ready and you have all learned something from it. No one's fault. :iagree::iagree: 110% I think you handled it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 A fail but not an epic one. You gave them an opportunity to demonstrate that they could follow through on what you've taught them. They demonstrated that they are not ready for that yet. Tighten the reins a bit and then let them try again - maybe when one of them is 10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 I don't think you did anything wrong. Now the kids will have to pay the piper. It happens - often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Tara~ Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Just chiming in to agree with the others. You handled it well. You gave them freedom, a chance. They....didn't do so well with it. Thankfully no harm came, but now they must pay consequences. That's life, on both counts ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I agree it was not an epic fail. You are giving your children greater responsibility and if they had passed then it would have been great. For now you realize that they are unable to handle that big of a responsibility so you will reign it back in. I also would let my 8 and 9 years do that but I am also the parent that let my 5 year old ride his bike on the path that runs behind our house to the park and back and thus could not see him for a whole minute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 23, 2011 Author Share Posted March 23, 2011 Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. I was trying to figure out whether I was completely insane to have even let the kids attempt this. We went out for a friend's birthday dinner (in fact, it was the friend who busted my kids!) last night and we told the other dinner guests what happened, and they all pretty much agreed that we'd handled it well. Of course, none of them actually have kids ... To answer a few questions ... How did the kids feel about getting busted? They were rather subdued about it. They didn't even try to defend themselves. Dh discussed it with them when he came home, too, and they definitely had what my father would call "that hangdog look." Whose idea was it to run across the street? Unfortunately, it was the nine year old's, not the eight year old's. The nine year old is Miss I-Know-Better-Than-You, so even though I'm angry that she disobeyed me, somehow I am not surprised. *sigh* Thanks again. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 It's not an epic fail at all! The entire point if loosening the leash a bit is so they and you can learn from experience. You learned it pays to check up on kids. They learned mom always finds out. Everyone learned to wait a bit longer to try that experience again. ETA: Really. I'm not appalled at all. *shrug* Kids did that all the time growing up and most survived. And nearly all learned a lot along the way. :) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 The only way to know if they are old enough to have the freedom is to give them some and see what they do with it. Obviously, they are not ready and you have all learned something from it. No one's fault. I agree. And I think you have done the right thing on all counts....by letting them do it, and by keeping an eye on them while doing it, and by now restricting them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaAkins Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) My kids (9 and 8) have been begging for more freedom around the neighborhood. I let them walk to where I work, about 4 blocks away, because it is all back streets. They have to stay together. There's really not a whole lot of other places to go. Tonight they get to stay up "as late as they want" watching movies. We let them do this about twice a year. They wanted some snacks to go with their movie watching, and they asked whether they could walk to the drugstore that is across the street from where I work. You have to cross a main, busy, four-lane street. After consulting with dh and speaking to a friend of mine, I gave them permission to do so. We went over all the safety rules, and I reminded them that they had to cross the busy street at the light when they had the walk signal. They assured me they would. Unbeknownst to them, one of my bestest friends, who lives right by where they were going, went down the street to covertly keep an eye on them. He called to report that rather than walking down the block to the light, they chose to run across the main street from the end of the neighborhood street they came from. He immediately went over the drugstore and "happened" to run into them, waylaying them until I could get there. I told the kids that someone where I work called and told me they saw my children run across the street and that they would not be taking walks around the neighborhood unsupervised for a long time. I know that some will be appalled that I would have let my children do this in the first place, and others will be appalled that I lied to my kids about how I found out about it. My friend did not want to be the bad guy, so the unspecified person I work with took the fall, hence no one for them to be mad at. I'm not sure at this point whether it was my epic fail to allow them to do this or their epic fail to deliberately disobey me. I'm very disappointed. I'm just glad nothing happened to them. :( Tara In my honest opinion, I think your expectations for them were skewed. I think that 8 and 9 are too young for that amount of freedom. It's just too dangerous of a situation (crossing a 4 lane road) for them to "learn" responsibility. If they fail the "test" of being responsible, they could very well end up dead or injured. I think you need to start with smaller, more realistic opportunities for them to experience freedom and responsibility. ETA: I'm glad your children are safe. It was very wise of you to have a friend look out for them. Edited March 23, 2011 by MamaAkins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Sounds like you handled it *great* to me, and this is a lesson they will remember for a long time. And a far, far better lesson to learn (that their safety *matters* even when it's inconvenient, that shirking the rules makes things harder, not easier, that Mama *knows*, that disobedience will cause a loss of trust and freedom...) at 8 or 9 than at 15 or 16... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 The only way to know if they are old enough to have the freedom is to give them some and see what they do with it. Obviously, they are not ready and you have all learned something from it. No one's fault. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I don't really have time to read all the comments to see if everyone else is appalled or not. I can remember doing a lot of stupid stuff as a kid. We lived next to a major road and were forbidden to cross it. We definitely crossed it. I can remember running across a train track bridge while hearing train whistles in the distance. Kids disobey. We disobey. There are consequences. Hopefully catching them in the act this time will discourage it for awhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 others will be appalled that I lied to my kids about how I found out about it. I generally don't tell my kids how I learn about their mistakes. I tend to approach them with vague statements such as, "I understand you did such-and-such," or "Someone saw you..." Also, I remind them often that with the number of security cameras and people with photo and video capability on the phones, they should always assume there is not only someone witnessing their behavior, but quite possibly recording it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorganClassicalPrep Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 I don't see this as a fail at all. In fact, I see it as something of a win. The children learned that you WILL find out, and you learned that they aren't ready for that particular responsibility yet. My friends and I often crossed a highway to get to the Dash-In across from our neighborhood. I don't see 8 and 9 as being too young to do that, unless they prove that they aren't, which your children have just done. Maybe next time they will follow your directions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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