cseitter Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Some of you read my recent post about my son being picked on at PS and things people were doing/saying to him. He wants to keep trying for a little while longer. But just a minute ago I told him that if he needed to talk I was here for him and he turns around and says "Mom, do I look like a rat to you?" I said of course not honey why? And he says that was what they were calling him in class this week. Now that makes me want to cry.... He is a very handsome young man and very well liked and out going. For these kids to do this to him is killing me. I did get my DH to agree that if they lay hands on Tanner again he was coming home with no question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I feel your pain, and his too. My DS#2 was picked on horribly, to the point I could not pick him up from school with my windows open because of the vulgar things other children were saying. He wants to go back to ps next year because we are having trouble finding hs children his age around here. I have brought up the bullying and he says at least if he went back there would be kids his age there. This makes it tough to keep him home...loneliness is hard for kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xuzi Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Bullying sucks, doesn't it. :( I got a bad perm in 3rd grade and was called "Medusa" from then on until I finally switched schools in 6th grade. Kids can be so cruel. I think the best thing you can do for him though is let him know you've got his back. Seeing the adults in my life not do anything to try and help better my situation is what hurt the most (there was more than just name calling going on). If he knows you won't stand for the behavior it'll make it easier for him to endure and stand up for himself when/if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iona Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 he won't let me talk to the guidance counsleor who is a friend of ours because he is afraid of retribution. I want to go up there and beat the kids up myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I feel your pain, and his too. My DS#2 was picked on horribly, to the point I could not pick him up from school with my windows open because of the vulgar things other children were saying. He wants to go back to ps next year because we are having trouble finding hs children his age around here. I have brought up the bullying and he says at least if he went back there would be kids his age there. This makes it tough to keep him home...loneliness is hard for kids. Not being snarky, but which kid are you doing SOTW with? Is this the one being bullied or is this another? If you have two kids at home homeschooling how would either of them be lonely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) When I was in school I had about three separate people that would speak hurtful words like that. One was a teacher, yippee. Anyway regardless of whatever decision you make about school, please head off the effects of those comments when he is home. I am almost 44 years old. When I was 40 one day I had a realization. I was standing in front of the mirror when I realized I had deeply internalized all of those hurtful comments and made them a part of my self-image, a bad one at that. It wasn't a conscious thing until that moment when I looked in the mirror and heard those words, those voices as I looked at myself. It took me a while to grieve all the years I had lost believing those horrid things about myself. And like I said it wasn't a conscious thought really, it was so deep I just believed them to be true. I never told my parents, they would have blown it off, at least that was what I thought. Words do hurt. Make sure when he is home he hears to great stuff about himself to arm himself with if he continues in public school. Edited February 14, 2011 by elegantlion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Some of you read my recent post about my son being picked on at PS and things people were doing/saying to him. He wants to keep trying for a little while longer. But just a minute ago I told him that if he needed to talk I was here for him and he turns around and says "Mom, do I look like a rat to you?" I said of course not honey why? And he says that was what they were calling him in class this week. Now that makes me want to cry.... He is a very handsome young man and very well liked and out going. For these kids to do this to him is killing me. I did get my DH to agree that if they lay hands on Tanner again he was coming home with no question. Can you homeschool your son? There is nothing psychologically healthy about that kind of environment! It is absolutely disgusting that this is what our schools have become. Some of these schools are like miniature prisons. I know, I went to one for 11 years. They're horrible. And I think the kids are getting worse than they were 15 years ago. The social/friends argument is a giant crock. Our society has a dysfunctional view of what is healthy in that department. Your son needs you and your husband, not a bunch of bratty kids at school. I'm sorry I'm so opinionated about this subject. I hope your son is OK. If you decide to homeschool, there is a ton of help/support on these forums. Also, there's homeschool groups, co-ops, etc - especially if you live near a city. I think you'll run into a lot of parents who have been in the same situation as you and were just fed up. Does your husband support the homeschooling idea? What grade is your son in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 first.. I'm sorry. :grouphug: Second.. you're the mom, he's the kid. There is no "he won't let me." For his safety I still think you ought to talk to the guidance counselor yourself and just explain to him that you have to, it is your responsibility as a parent to do whatever you can to ensure his safety there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 first.. I'm sorry. :grouphug: Second.. you're the mom, he's the kid. There is no "he won't let me." For his safety I still think you ought to talk to the guidance counselor yourself and just explain to him that you have to, it is your responsibility as a parent to do whatever you can to ensure his safety there. As always with NanceXToo, :iagree:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 He wants to stay hoping that they will accept him. I'm so sorry. I've found to survive through bullying takes much love, prayer and counseling. Choosing not be treated poorly (leaving school) is not quitting. Be strong with your decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 That is so sad. I am so sorry for you and your little guy. If you guys lived around me he could be buddies with my sons. You tell him it takes alot to stand up for that everyday. I kinda hope you'll bring him home that could really start to hurt after a while though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I should have said he doesn't want me to talk to the counsleor and my husband agreed that I shouldn't. I don't want to force him to come home because I really think it should be his decision or homeschool just won't work. My husband is kind of indeferent to the idea of HS. I love it and would/want to HS them all (we have 5 with Tanner being the oldest 3 are below 5). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CarolineUK Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 DS11 has been treated very similarly at school to the way you describe your DS being treated. He would never want to be homeschooled though. Although he has experienced some very similar treatment to your DS, the situation is probably very different. DS was eventually actually driven to hit back at his main tormenter, splitting his lip - and even though their sports teacher walked in just after this happened DS faced no consequences from the school, he is usually a quiet, hardworking boy and I think they knew he had been driven to extremes. However, when the bully and an accomplice cornered DS and repeatedly bashed his head between a door and a wall this was reported by one of DS's friends and the school has dealt with it, although for how long he'll be left alone I don't know. DS feels stronger because, although he chooses not to, he knows he can hit back very effectively if need be. Also, he does know that I would homeschool him in a heartbeat if things got too bad. He does have choices. The verbal abuse continues, but although I could get upset by it I usually turn it into something to laugh at - his Dad and brothers join in the fun too and in no time being called something like "snot nosed retard" gets diminished in potency to the point of being almost meaningless. It's not meant to diminish his hurt or frustration, but to put the words in context, they are only words, uttered by a pretty pathetic person. His school is academically very good and homeschooling would be crazy really, but sometimes I see the effect the bullying has on DS, his anger and bitterness, and I wish I could take him away, to allow him to grow into the happy, caring, fun-loving boy I know he should be. In your situation I would be very tempted to just insist he comes home. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Not being snarky, but which kid are you doing SOTW with? Is this the one being bullied or is this another? If you have two kids at home homeschooling how would either of them be lonely? It's the one I'm doing SOTW with. I don't think you are being snarky, I didn't think this would happen either.And truthfully who could be lonely in a household of 4 children even when 2 are in ps. It's just 12yo boys are too "cool" to play with 4yo girls, IYKWIM. He misses being with boys his age and is horrified at the idea of playing tea party or baby dolls. So yes I have 2 at home but my 12yo won't get with the program and just enjoy his sister's company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom28kds Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I feel your pain, and his too. My DS#2 was picked on horribly, to the point I could not pick him up from school with my windows open because of the vulgar things other children were saying. He wants to go back to ps next year because we are having trouble finding hs children his age around here. I have brought up the bullying and he says at least if he went back there would be kids his age there. This makes it tough to keep him home...loneliness is hard for kids. IMO lonliness at home with a loving family is better than having kids around that are bullies and doing harm to his self esteem. I hope it all works out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 So sorry. I have two sons who would probably survive no matter where I threw them, but I have one who does get picked on and made fun of. Some days, as much as I would love to send them all to school, I just can't knowing that it would be like throwing him to the lions. I don't think I could continue to let him go to school. It would be too hard knowing what is going on there for him. I am a school counselor and those students can be BRUTAL! A counselor could only do so much anyway, unfortunately. There are so many times when the adults just aren't able to pay attention to everything going on. The playground, the lunchroom, etc...are all breeding grounds for cruelty. Many times, unless something physical is happening, the adults are not within earshot. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'm so sorry for your son.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I did get my DH to agree that if they lay hands on Tanner again he was coming home with no question. They're laying hands on his heart--isn't that enough? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Some of you read my recent post about my son being picked on at PS and things people were doing/saying to him. He wants to keep trying for a little while longer. But just a minute ago I told him that if he needed to talk I was here for him and he turns around and says "Mom, do I look like a rat to you?" I said of course not honey why? And he says that was what they were calling him in class this week. Now that makes me want to cry.... He is a very handsome young man and very well liked and out going. For these kids to do this to him is killing me. I did get my DH to agree that if they lay hands on Tanner again he was coming home with no question. I am so sorry. I can't believe the stuff that comes out of kids mouths. :grouphug: My DS went thru a horrid time last year when he started high school. We homeschooled him thru 8th grade and his plan had always been that he'd go to this all boys high school. My DS absolutely refused to even consider coming home. In his mind, that would make him a quitter, dropout, loser, etc. And it would mean (to him) that the other boys won/got to him. He was determined to not let that happen. The funny thing is that 2 of the 3 boys who ganged up on him have since left the school. So, for DS, it almost confirmed to him to stick out bad stuff (which is not really an appropriate option in some situations.) I hope you find a way to work things out! You'll be in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zusjames Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 (edited) he won't let me talk to the guidance counsleor who is a friend of ours because he is afraid of retribution. Sorry, but I'd do it anyway. Your son doesn't see the big picture here, how this may shape his self-esteem in the future and cloud his whole educational process in the present. I agree psychic bullying is no different than physical bullying. If they were beating him up, you'd do something. Talk to your friend. Edited February 14, 2011 by Mejane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I am so sorry you are going through this. My daughter (and I) are going through the same thing. I'm sorry I don't remember how old your son is. I'm not entirely sure why the girls are treating my daugther like this (at school and at work) but I believe and both she and I have been told it's because these people are jealous of her. I believe that. She is a smart, funny, pretty girl who has no desire to be popular and the popular ones are the ones that are bullying her. THEY are jealous of her because she is her own confident, strong person. That's how THEY want to be but they aren't. I have stuck by my daughter every single step of the way (and I know you are too, except that....I wouldn't care if she told me not to talk to the guidance counselor. I would. I have. Someone in that school needs to know what is going on with your son. You need to tell someone, whether it's a teacher, principal or guidance counselor. Don't do it behind his back. Tell him, that as his mother, you need to do everything you can to protect him. The kids don't have to find out, tell the counselor that this is to be kept in strict confidence but that you EXPECT something to be done. You have to do this. I wouldn't bring him home to homeschool him especially if he doesnt' want it. Homeschooling is not the fix for all problems, and sometimes it can be the cause when a child starts going to public school. Just know that, sadly, you are not alone. I know how it feels, I know how it hurts, I know how it feels to feel completely and utterly helpless, but what I can't imagine is how it makes our children feel. I, like you, literally want to go and beat the #()U*%$#)(*#)(*$#_%()($*%$ out of these kids, but obvioulsy I can't. My daughter knows there is NOTHING I won't do for her and she trusts that I will always have her back. I know your son feels the same about you. Now, go call that guidance couselor, and if you ever want to talk with someone who is going through the same thing, I am here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 They're laying hands on his heart--isn't that enough? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I have to talk to Tanner before I talk to the counselor. I want Tanner to trust me and know that he can come to me if i go behind his back and call the counselor then he can't trust me to do what I say. No I don't think that HS is the answer to all things but he didn't have to deal with any of that when he was home AND he had friends to hang out with that didn't treat him that way. It makes me furious that these deliquents are treating him this way and the teachers are doing nothing about it. Truly I want him to come home and I didn't want him to go to PS. But he has to make that choice not me. The only time I WILL make that choice is if they lay hands on him. Yes they are affecting his heart and his self-esteem but to him that is NOT enough and he has dealt with that before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I didn't say to go behind his back to tell the counselor. I said in my response that I think you need to talk to the counselor but to tell Tanner you are going to do it. Of course, of COURSE we want to protect our children every step they take, but I think he's really being a man in wanting to stick this out. He has to live the rest of his life in this world and maybe now, at his age, is the best time to learn to stick up for himself and to bear the brunt of this crap he is going through. What a strong boy you have. My daughter is the same way. She actually wanted to go back to work where she was being bullied. It broke my heart, and I admit, I would NEVER go back if it were me, but she's not me and she handled it and still has her job. We are not raising cowards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 They're laying hands on his heart--isn't that enough? Absolutely. Both of you need to stand up for your kid. The school counselor would hear from me once and then from the police and my lawyer. And if that didn't work I'd finish it myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Remuda...I think I want to marry you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Remuda...I think I want to marry you! Look at my avatar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 It's the one I'm doing SOTW with. I don't think you are being snarky, I didn't think this would happen either.And truthfully who could be lonely in a household of 4 children even when 2 are in ps. It's just 12yo boys are too "cool" to play with 4yo girls, IYKWIM. He misses being with boys his age and is horrified at the idea of playing tea party or baby dolls. So yes I have 2 at home but my 12yo won't get with the program and just enjoy his sister's company. I think that is totally normal. I think it is different with a mother homeschooling a boy on the cusp of puberty than a mom homeschooling a girl the same age. Boys that age need men and other boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I would talk with your dh and consider doing it anyway. It will not be the first time bullying happens in school and I would talk with your friend about how it is handled. I would think there could be ways of handling it that would minimize the chance that ds experiences retribution. Even if other kids are not being currently bullied, if they know about it, they are also being affected. It creates an unsafe feeling for everyone, sometimes including the bullies. Bullying is a normal (iin the sense of widespread , not acceptable) phenomena at that age and those kids, too, need to be reined in. They may not be hardcore bad kids and may be capable of repentance and reform. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 What that you're already married? I knew that but a girl can hope right??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally kidding I hope you KNOW that??!?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 What that you're already married? I knew that but a girl can hope right??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally kidding I hope you KNOW that??!?!?!?! Yes I know that. Goof ball. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Bring him home. Take all that energy that makes you want to go spank those mean kids and use it to find some great outside opportunities for your son. START a group yourself if you have to. And guess what? The other kids do not all have to be exactly his age. That is another socialization myth propagated by the institutional school. Of course I understand that your son would like a friend his age, but you don't have to wrangle up a whole crowd of them. One of two good friends are worth much more than a passel of acquaintances. Sorry for your hurts, but I can't see it getting better if he stays at that school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Some of you read my recent post about my son being picked on at PS and things people were doing/saying to him. He wants to keep trying for a little while longer. But just a minute ago I told him that if he needed to talk I was here for him and he turns around and says "Mom, do I look like a rat to you?" I said of course not honey why? And he says that was what they were calling him in class this week. Now that makes me want to cry.... He is a very handsome young man and very well liked and out going. For these kids to do this to him is killing me. I did get my DH to agree that if they lay hands on Tanner again he was coming home with no question. Sometimes the "laying on of hands" is less hurtful than the awful comments. Why is he still in this abusive situation? Do we need someone to drop a piano on his head before we decide this might bad for his mental health? Okay, that was just my first reaction. I realize there's more to it. Please just take my comment as responding from the gut, I understand you as parents have to factor a lot things into this. I'll pray for your situation and your boy! I hate when kids have to endure HATRED. I just hate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I am laughing so hard right now Remuda! I really and truly thought "oh my gosh, I wonder if she really thinks I really want to marry her". I almost didn't post again! I mean, just because I think you are hilarious and have a really cute little stud colt, what more could a girl ask for!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Don't look now, but I think I'm going to cut that little Ayrab. I just don't want to deal with what it means to keep one separate from the mares. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I would talk to the counselor, the principal, and any other administrative personnel who might have jurisdiction over such problems. I'd also talk to teachers in whose classrooms bullying is occurring.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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