A philosopy of decluttering

[Brilliant]

I have read the minimalist threads with interest. Please help me continue decluttering. The problem (blessing - but problem in a way!) is that my house is pretty big and I have room for everything. I have no problems saying to myself, "I will get rid of this unused item next time we move." But if it is unused, shouldn't I get rid of it now? Ugh. I am at an impasse. I need a new inspiration, philosophy, or kick in the pants. Do you have anything for me?

 

(here's an example - a waffle iron we haven't used in at least 5 years. Another - some fabric with which I made a baby quilt for my 17yo dd - apparently I bought WAY too much - why do I still have several yards?)

[kalanamak]

I have read the minimalist threads with interest. Please help me continue decluttering. The problem (blessing - but problem in a way!) is that my house is pretty big and I have room for everything.

 

While I threw some things away, and gave some to goodwill, I also took A LOT of nice cooking things from my old days and gave them item by item to people I knew would appreciate them. A woman at work who loves all kinds of teas got my Brown Betty English teapot with a cozy. I knew she'd love it. The roaster woman who does from scratch got my meat cleaver. Etc.

 

Do you know some person who'd love waffle iron? We love waffles, and I didn't part with mine, but....something along those lines. I thought of it partly as a charity fling.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I am with you, I do have a big house too, and could keep a lot of stuff. Here's some things to remember:

 

1) Empty space does not take your time nearly as much as stuff does.

 

2) Sometimes you can minister with a big house in unique ways (hospitality to large crowds, temporary housing for various people, etc.) Having stuff in your way, even just mentally, can keep you from enjoying those opportunities.

 

3) When you have too much stuff in a large space, you can't remember where everything is. So, even when you need said item, you can't find it. :tongue_smilie: Ask me how I know....

 

 

And.....I almost responded to your college thread earlier.

Don't you know that parents who have kids at a Christian college and are reasonably close become home away from home for missionary kids? You need to get ready. ;) This summer I stored the dorm stuff for two girls whose parents live overseas. I'm glad I had things cleared out enough to help them.

[Peela]

I have a similar issue - I live in a large house too. However dh is a pack rat and i have a strong urge to make the parts of the house that under my control, empty and peaceful...since so much is full of his stuff, and he keeps bringing more in. It doesn't sound like you have that issue.

 

Last night I started reading It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. That got me off my butt and packing boxes!

He has a list of excuses we use to hold on to stuff ...and he shoots them all down.

The book seems to be about our relationship to stuff...so its not about making it all look pretty and buying more containers to organise it...but challenges the reader to really examine the cost in their lives of hanging on to things.

 

I find reading minimalist or decluttering books and websites usually inspires me to get in there and declutter.

 

http://mnmlist.com/

http://unclutterer.com/about

http://www.paxchristipnw.org/Voluntary%20Simplicity%20Websites.htm

http://zenhabits.net/

[Evergreen State Sue]

Do you really want to leave all that stuff for your kids to clean out? We had to do that twice when each set of our parents passed away. Big houses and 50 years of junk. How's that for an incentive?

[HollyB]

I just finished reading From Clutter to Clarity by Nancy Twigg. It is very different from the usual advice of throw-out-what-you-haven't-used-in-6-months. She addresses clutter from a spiritual (Christian) standpoint. It's not just about all your stuff, but everything that wastes your time and energy. Reading it gave me a new perspective about some of my clutter.

[Audrey]

I hear you. It is hard to get rid of things, especially if you can justify keeping it by telling yourself that you have plenty of room for it. I do that all the time, but I have learned to check myself better over the years. I live in a 100+ year old farmhouse that was built for a family of 18. Sure, they shared some beds, but still... this is waaaaaayyyy too much house for a family of 3, and I know it! But, the fact is... this is the farmhouse. This is our house and that's it. I have to remind myself that all the extra room doesn't mean I have to fill it up with stuff. I have to fill it up with love, but not stuff.

 

I make myself declutter one room every month. When the room comes back around for decluttering, I still have to declutter something. It keeps me from becoming a pack rat (both dh and I had pack rat moms and we have the pack rat gene for sure). It is not easy, but I ask myself these questions:

 

1) Is it broken and not repairable? If the answer is yes, it goes in the garbage. If it is broken but can be repaired it goes in the repair box. If the answer is no, I go to question #2.

2) Have I used it since I last decluttered this room? If the answer is yes, it stays. If the answer is no, then question #3...

3) Do I foresee a REAL need to use it in the next 6 months? If yes, it can stay for another round. If the answer is no, it goes.

4) Is this a duplicate of something I already own that does the same job better? If yes, then I need to decide which of the things stays. The rest have to go.

5) Is it of REAL sentimental value? If yes, I will keep it, but it has to be stored properly as befitting a real momento. If I can't take the time to treat it properly, then I probably don't really have much sentiment for it. So, if no, then it's fair game to toss.

 

I throw very, very few things in the garbage. I donate most things, but I will not donate broken, soiled or incomplete things. Those are garbage. I figure that if I could use it, but I just don't, then it is an acceptable donation. It makes me feel better about getting rid of stuff if I donate, so that makes it easier to declutter.

Edited January 21, 2011 by Audrey

[AuntieM]

Do you really want to leave all that stuff for your kids to clean out? We had to do that twice when each set of our parents passed away. Big houses and 50 years of junk. How's that for an incentive?

 

THIS is a huge motivator!!!

 

Thanks to others for the book recs. OP, I have appx 4000 sq ft, so I also have a fair amount of room. But the areas I've been thorough in decluttering... These rooms are honestly just so much more relaxing to live in! Easier on the eye, easier to rest in, easier to think in... I wish I could explain it better, but there ya go.

 

Having the space, you can hold on to things longer while you think of truly satisfying ways to part with them, as an earlier poster suggested.

[Sherry in OH]

Fabric deteriorates even in storage. Why not donate it to someone who could use it? If you don't know an individual, many children's programs are happy to take useful craft items off your hands.

[angela in ohio]

I am with you, I do have a big house too, and could keep a lot of stuff. Here's some things to remember:

 

1) Empty space does not take your time nearly as much as stuff does.

 

2) Sometimes you can minister with a big house in unique ways (hospitality to large crowds, temporary housing for various people, etc.) Having stuff in your way, even just mentally, can keep you from enjoying those opportunities.

 

3) When you have too much stuff in a large space, you can't remember where everything is. So, even when you need said item, you can't find it. :tongue_smilie: Ask me how I know....

 

 

I agree. We tripled our home size, but I work very hard to not have any more stuff than I did before. By having large open spaces, we can host large meals and events and Cub Scout meetings in our home and have long-term guests comfortably. That makes it worth it.

 

The time is the biggest issue, though. Even if you have space for many things, you don't have time!

 

I would get rid of the waffle iron. If you ever just have, have, have to eat a waffle, breakfast is inexpensive out and makes a nice treat for dc. If not, you can make pancakes. :001_smile: Either get busy and make something with the fabric or donate it. I'd set yourself a time limit.

[Gratia271]

I have a similar issue - I live in a large house too. However dh is a pack rat and i have a strong urge to make the parts of the house that under my control, empty and peaceful...since so much is full of his stuff, and he keeps bringing more in. It doesn't sound like you have that issue.

 

Last night I started reading It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. That got me off my butt and packing boxes!

He has a list of excuses we use to hold on to stuff ...and he shoots them all down.

The book seems to be about our relationship to stuff...so its not about making it all look pretty and buying more containers to organise it...but challenges the reader to really examine the cost in their lives of hanging on to things.

 

I find reading minimalist or decluttering books and websites usually inspires me to get in there and declutter.

 

http://mnmlist.com/

http://unclutterer.com/about

http://www.paxchristipnw.org/Voluntary%20Simplicity%20Websites.htm

http://zenhabits.net/

 

Thank you for posting these, Peela. I generally don't struggle with clutter in our large home, but my children and husband don't want to part with anything. That has been my biggest challenge, being a minimalist living with pack rats.

[Chris in VA]

This may sound kinda silly, but I say to myself--

You may have room in your house for this, but do you have room in your brain?

:D

 

I need all the mental energy I can get--and sometimes my "stuff" (old teaching stuff for me) takes up some sort of mental/emotional energy that I notice becomes more available to me for the present day, when I let go of it.

 

I'm not being very clear here, b/c it's hard to articulate for me! What I think I mean is, the stuff I don't use anymore becomes part of my "What IF" list, like things I may mean to get to "someday" but probably won't. Keeping it around means keeping that list around; it's not living in reality for me, not honoring TODAY, but keeping me tied to a dissatisfaction--a frustration, if you will.

 

I will never again teach K math, so why am I holding on to that Saxon manual? Well, because it represents a desire to go back to that sweet time--and I never will. I can't. There is a part of me that needs to let go the manual b/c doing so will represent letting go of that dissatisfaction that I can never be there again. I need to be satisfied with TODAY, and where I am NOW.

 

It's the important feelings, desires, etc that we attach to our "things" that makes them hard to let go of--Once we discern what the feelings are, we can more easily decide what the object represents, and then decide what to do with it.

 

Now--off to clean up the books littering my bedroom floor, which represent my anxious thoughts towards the future! Gotta get rid of them!:D

[AuntieM]

Oh Chris, I *get* you! Thanks for putting this into words so well. I have some things to list on a sale board today...

 

This may sound kinda silly, but I say to myself--

You may have room in your house for this, but do you have room in your brain?

:D

 

I need all the mental energy I can get--and sometimes my "stuff" (old teaching stuff for me) takes up some sort of mental/emotional energy that I notice becomes more available to me for the present day, when I let go of it.

 

I'm not being very clear here, b/c it's hard to articulate for me! What I think I mean is, the stuff I don't use anymore becomes part of my "What IF" list, like things I may mean to get to "someday" but probably won't. Keeping it around means keeping that list around; it's not living in reality for me, not honoring TODAY, but keeping me tied to a dissatisfaction--a frustration, if you will.

 

I will never again teach K math, so why am I holding on to that Saxon manual? Well, because it represents a desire to go back to that sweet time--and I never will. I can't. There is a part of me that needs to let go the manual b/c doing so will represent letting go of that dissatisfaction that I can never be there again. I need to be satisfied with TODAY, and where I am NOW.

 

It's the important feelings, desires, etc that we attach to our "things" that makes them hard to let go of--Once we discern what the feelings are, we can more easily decide what the object represents, and then decide what to do with it.

 

Now--off to clean up the books littering my bedroom floor, which represent my anxious thoughts towards the future! Gotta get rid of them!:D

[Carol in Cal.]

Bless someone else--that's one organizing principle around letting things go.

 

And there is no shame in holding onto something for sentimental value, at least for a while.

[Brilliant]

Thank you for all the encouragement. So the waffle iron and fabric are definitely leaving; can I post a list of 100 or so other items for you to decide? :tongue_smilie:

 

I honestly think of myself as being pretty good about decluttering (I love to chime in on a thread to brag about my vanloads of stuff going to goodwill). But I am "stuck" on some hard decisions - decisions which SHOULD be easy based on the "Have I used this in 6 months" test.

 

I want to print this thread out, along with the recent minimalist threads, and stick it in a binder. But that might be clutter. :D

[Brilliant]

And.....I almost responded to your college thread earlier.

Don't you know that parents who have kids at a Christian college and are reasonably close become home away from home for missionary kids? You need to get ready. ;) This summer I stored the dorm stuff for two girls whose parents live overseas. I'm glad I had things cleared out enough to help them.

 

I have thought about that! Not necessarily MKs, but I wondered if dd would bring home girls who'd enjoy a homecooked meal, playing with the family dog, etc. :)

[Carol in Cal.]

I honestly think of myself as being pretty good about decluttering (I love to chime in on a thread to brag about my vanloads of stuff going to goodwill). But I am "stuck" on some hard decisions - decisions which SHOULD be easy based on the "Have I used this in 6 months" test.

 

 

 

I don't necessarily agree with the 6 months or 1 year rules. There are things whose value transcends those rules. Seasonal stuff comes to mind. Things that make you smile every time you see them, even if you're not actively using them, are fine to keep as long as they have a home. For example, years ago I bought myself a beautiful, handmade rice bowl from an artisan. It is REALLY gorgeous. But I don't use it right now. I would feel hoggy using it for just me, and I have no way to get any more of them. I have it on a high shelf in a kitchen cabinet. Every time I see it, I still admire it. Even though I don't use it, it makes me feel good. One day I will use it again, and I'm still glad to have it.

 

One thing I do more of now than I used to, though, is try to use that kind of thing so that I can enjoy it more. After all, what is it for, if not to be used? So, for instance, we have fine china that we used to save only for very special occasions. I really, really love it, so finally I got 4 dinner plates out of the rather large stash, and started using them them frequently and putting them in the dishwasher. Now, they are certainly wearing out compared to the others, but we have gotten so much pleasure from this. Every once in a while I stop and think about whether there is something that I'm not using that I should really try to use, and I'm always glad when I do.

 

Probably I should float camellias in that rice bowl, or something like that...

[Stacia]

For example, years ago I bought myself a beautiful, handmade rice bowl from an artisan. It is REALLY gorgeous. But I don't use it right now.

 

Sounds like you already use the philosophy of enjoy your stuff (as you mentioned w/ your china).

 

We have some little, unique bowls (including a couple of rice bowls) that I love. They don't match anything & we don't have enough for place settings. But, we regularly use them for things like: putting small berries or nuts in them on the table (esp. for brunch), candy, dipping sauces, etc.... You could also use it in the bathroom as a jewelry holder, on your desk to hold rubber bands or paper clips, etc.... Maybe you could go ahead & use/enjoy your rice bowl by giving it a new function?

[jenL]

This may sound kinda silly, but I say to myself--

You may have room in your house for this, but do you have room in your brain?

:D

 

I need all the mental energy I can get--and sometimes my "stuff" (old teaching stuff for me) takes up some sort of mental/emotional energy that I notice becomes more available to me for the present day, when I let go of it.

 

I'm not being very clear here, b/c it's hard to articulate for me! What I think I mean is, the stuff I don't use anymore becomes part of my "What IF" list, like things I may mean to get to "someday" but probably won't. Keeping it around means keeping that list around; it's not living in reality for me, not honoring TODAY, but keeping me tied to a dissatisfaction--a frustration, if you will.

 

I will never again teach K math, so why am I holding on to that Saxon manual? Well, because it represents a desire to go back to that sweet time--and I never will. I can't. There is a part of me that needs to let go the manual b/c doing so will represent letting go of that dissatisfaction that I can never be there again. I need to be satisfied with TODAY, and where I am NOW.

 

It's the important feelings, desires, etc that we attach to our "things" that makes them hard to let go of--Once we discern what the feelings are, we can more easily decide what the object represents, and then decide what to do with it.

 

Now--off to clean up the books littering my bedroom floor, which represent my anxious thoughts towards the future! Gotta get rid of them!:D

 

I am in the process of decluttering our house, one room at a time, and this post speaks volumes to me! Thank you for sharing it. I am going to remember it as I continue this quest.

[Mejane]

I hear you. It is hard to get rid of things, especially if you can justify keeping it by telling yourself that you have plenty of room for it. I do that all the time, but I have learned to check myself better over the years. I live in a 100+ year old farmhouse that was built for a family of 18. Sure, they shared some beds, but still... this is waaaaaayyyy too much house for a family of 3, and I know it! But, the fact is... this is the farmhouse. This is our house and that's it. I have to remind myself that all the extra room doesn't mean I have to fill it up with stuff. I have to fill it up with love, but not stuff.

 

I make myself declutter one room every month. When the room comes back around for decluttering, I still have to declutter something. It keeps me from becoming a pack rat (both dh and I had pack rat moms and we have the pack rat gene for sure). It is not easy, but I ask myself these questions:

 

1) Is it broken and not repairable? If the answer is yes, it goes in the garbage. If it is broken but can be repaired it goes in the repair box. If the answer is no, I go to question #2.

2) Have I used it since I last decluttered this room? If the answer is yes, it stays. If the answer is no, then question #3...

3) Do I foresee a REAL need to use it in the next 6 months? If yes, it can stay for another round. If the answer is no, it goes.

4) Is this a duplicate of something I already own that does the same job better? If yes, then I need to decide which of the things stays. The rest have to go.

5) Is it of REAL sentimental value? If yes, I will keep it, but it has to be stored properly as befitting a real momento. If I can't take the time to treat it properly, then I probably don't really have much sentiment for it. So, if no, then it's fair game to toss.

 

I throw very, very few things in the garbage. I donate most things, but I will not donate broken, soiled or incomplete things. Those are garbage. I figure that if I could use it, but I just don't, then it is an acceptable donation. It makes me feel better about getting rid of stuff if I donate, so that makes it easier to declutter.

 

Excellent advice, Audrey.

[sheryl]

I have read the minimalist threads with interest. Please help me continue decluttering. The problem (blessing - but problem in a way!) is that my house is pretty big and I have room for everything. I have no problems saying to myself, "I will get rid of this unused item next time we move." But if it is unused, shouldn't I get rid of it now? Ugh. I am at an impasse. I need a new inspiration, philosophy, or kick in the pants. Do you have anything for me?

 

(here's an example - a waffle iron we haven't used in at least 5 years. Another - some fabric with which I made a baby quilt for my 17yo dd - apparently I bought WAY too much - why do I still have several yards?)

 

Ah, yes decluttering. That's what we're doing too...:001_smile:

 

Well, I'm right there with you. I do believe, and I say this to myself too, that if it hasn't been used for whatever reason (you were unsure if you wanted it, liked it, could use it, etc) and it's been several years...toss it. As you look declutter, make groups: 1)sale 2)donate 3)trash 4)give to family, friend, neighbor.

 

Someone's trash is another person's treasure. It may be that eventhough you no longer want/can use that old curling iron, give it away. Someone DOES want it. ;)

 

You do need to truly decide what you want to keep, pass down to dc, etc and what NEEDS to be moved out of the house. If you want that fabric, then make a pillow out of it to hand down to your dd so she'll be able to take it with her. There is no right or wrong on what you keep or don't keep. With that said, there may be more logical choices though, but only you can decide.

 

This is exactly what we're doing and what I'm going through. It can be difficult for pack racks like my dh. I'm a pack rack for sentimental reasons....keeping some of my dd's 0-24 month old clothes still. NOT all, but a few select pieces which I thought were too cute. But really, why would I even be saving those? When she grows up, she may not have a dd to dress in girl clothes. If she did, the styles would change (even though I bought classic clothes and some whimsical) so it's not like she would even like her childhood clothes by the time she's a mother dressing her dd. There is much I'm having to process and work through on this too. I see another thread coming. LOL! Sheryl <><

[gardening momma]

The time is the biggest issue, though. Even if you have space for many things, you don't have time!

As far as time...I have found that if I set the timer on the stove for 15 minutes, and start decluttering, I can get a lot done. Often I will have been working for a while and glance at the timer because it seems like I've used up the 15 minutes. But I still have several minutes left. I'm amazed at how long 15 minutes is when I'm doing something like this (decluttering). But overall, it's a very short time in the whole day, and not hard to commit yourself to decluttering 15 minutes a day. (I'm starting to use FlyLady again, and I think she has 15 minutes of decluttering every day--it might be a specific area, but so far I just do a little here, a little there, wherever I see something I can work on.)

[LazyDazy]

Thank you for all the encouragement. So the waffle iron and fabric are definitely leaving; can I post a list of 100 or so other items for you to decide? :tongue_smilie:

 

 

I believe that if these items made it to your list, then they need to go. The question I ask is not "should I get rid of this?", it is "why should it stay?". If it is not immediately useful to you or not truly loved then it has to go. I don't keep "maybe" or "someday" stuff, life is just way too short for these distractions. ;)

 

My mother spent years worrying about what to keep and what to part with. It took up many hours and days of her life. Then she died of cancer and none of it mattered any more. This is not a "pass time" I will allow to take up time that could be spent with my family. Please don't take this as a doom and gloom comment, it is so freeing to let go of this idea of needing to ponder everything that comes in and out of my house. When the stuff isn't there to ponder you can focus on something else. :)

[angela in ohio]

I believe that if these items made it to your list, then they need to go. The question I ask is not "should I get rid of this?", it is "why should it stay?". If it is not immediately useful to you or not truly loved then it has to go. I don't keep "maybe" or "someday" stuff, life is just way too short for these distractions. ;)

 

:iagree:

[BlsdMama]

I have read the minimalist threads with interest. Please help me continue decluttering. The problem (blessing - but problem in a way!) is that my house is pretty big and I have room for everything. I have no problems saying to myself, "I will get rid of this unused item next time we move." But if it is unused, shouldn't I get rid of it now? Ugh. I am at an impasse. I need a new inspiration, philosophy, or kick in the pants. Do you have anything for me?

 

(here's an example - a waffle iron we haven't used in at least 5 years. Another - some fabric with which I made a baby quilt for my 17yo dd - apparently I bought WAY too much - why do I still have several yards?)

 

Frankly, my take is theological.

 

If I'm keeping something I won't use I'm being greedy.

If I'm keeping something someone else could better use than myself, I'm being selfish.

If I'm keeping something I don't have the time or energy or whatnot to maintain, then it's poor stewardship. (This would involve fabric & yarn stash keeping beyond that which you can and/or will ever use.)

[HS Mom in NC]

I go with the 1 year rule too. If I haven't used it in the last year-it's gone. If I won't use it in the next year-it's gone. I have a cedar chest for sentimental items. That's it. If it can't close it then items have to go until I can close the lid. (I have 3 kids.)

 

Don't look for a good reason to keep something-look for a good reason to get rid of it. Don't connect your emotions to symbolic objects (like that item that reminds you of your parent/grandparent/sibling/child) connect your emotions to people.

 

I suggest to people that have "memory" clutter to take a digital photo of each object and upload it to one of those online companies that prints out books for under $50 and write a caption/paragraph for each photo about your cherished memories. Your kids want the memory in a nice small, easily stored form like a book. They don't want the stuff they have to clean out when you die.

 

I have cleaned out a Grandparents' home in the last couple of years. Thankfully, they weren't packrats, but there was stuff in there that should have gone years ago. Someone has to throw it away (and the dumpster in the alley won't be big enough) or donate it (that means loading it, transporting it, and unloading it again) or selling it (yard sales are a big time/energy suck for the very small percentage of things that will actually be purchased by other people at a tiny fraction of what they originally cost.)

*Note to Mothers* Your daughter doesn't want your wedding dress. Did you want your mother's wedding dress or did you want to go with your close friends and close family to pick out your own dress? Your daughter doesn't want her baby clothes. She wants to go pick out her own baby's clothes. (She may like having one or two items, but don't save boxes of outfits and send them to her. A friend of mine had that happen and she just didn't want clothes from the 70s.)

 

My MIL wanted to know if I wanted my husband's BABY TEETH that she saved for 30 years. What was I going to do with those bloody nubs? Of course I didn't want them because I'm not crazy.

[gardening momma]

*Note to Mothers*[/b] Your daughter doesn't want your wedding dress. Did you want your mother's wedding dress ... She wants to go pick out her own baby's clothes. (She may like having one or two items, but don't save boxes of outfits and send them to her. A friend of mine had that happen and she just didn't want clothes from the 70s.)

I definitely didn't want mom's wedding dress. My older sister did wear it, but it was partly because mom wanted her to, and partly because of lack of money.

 

MIL loaned me 2 infant sleepers she had saved from when her boys were babies. I thought they were ugly and rough. Maybe they had been soft at one time, but not anymore. She also gave me a baby sweater she had saved. It was homemade, and the yarn was rough. She doesn't notice any of that kind of thing.

[Chris in VA]

My MIL wanted to know if I wanted my husband's BABY TEETH that she saved for 30 years. What was I going to do with those bloody nubs? Of course I didn't want them because I'm not crazy.

 

:lol::lol:

[Audrey]

*Note to Mothers* Your daughter doesn't want your wedding dress. Did you want your mother's wedding dress or did you want to go with your close friends and close family to pick out your own dress? Your daughter doesn't want her baby clothes. She wants to go pick out her own baby's clothes. (She may like having one or two items, but don't save boxes of outfits and send them to her. A friend of mine had that happen and she just didn't want clothes from the 70s.)

 

My MIL wanted to know if I wanted my husband's BABY TEETH that she saved for 30 years. What was I going to do with those bloody nubs? Of course I didn't want them because I'm not crazy.

 

 

That is not true and not fair.

 

There are many of us who are glad their mothers saved certain mementos like that because we've since lost our dear mothers and have deep sentimental attachments to these lovingly preserved mementos. I cherish my mother's wedding dress and there will always be a little space for it. I cherish the few outfits and blankets that she had knitted herself for me when I was a baby, and which I then used when my son was a baby. That is all he has ever touched or felt of his grandmother, who I know would have loved him something fierce if she'd lived to see him.

 

I'm all for decluttering (see my previous post), but I would not make a blanket statement about such items.

 

And for the record, my therapist confirms I am definitely not "crazy" -- not in the clinical sense, at least. ;)

[Peela]

There are many of us who are glad their mothers saved certain mementos like that because we've since lost our dear mothers and have deep sentimental attachments to these lovingly preserved mementos. I cherish my mother's wedding dress and there will always be a little space for it. I cherish the few outfits and blankets that she had knitted herself for me when I was a baby, and which I then used when my son was a baby. That is all he has ever touched or felt of his grandmother, who I know would have loved him something fierce if she'd lived to see him.

 

I'm all for decluttering (see my previous post), but I would not make a blanket statement about such items.

 

And for the record, my therapist confirms I am definitely not "crazy" -- not in the clinical sense, at least. ;)

 

I agree. I have kept a very few mementos. I have lost many things my mother sent me from my childhood, over the years, and I can let them go but I am also a little sad she sent them to me when I was travelling and unstable. I have kept however my own Christening dress (that mum knitted), and my dd wore it a couple of times, and I just want to keep it. also have the baby blankets my mother and grandmother knitted my daughter, and the patchwork blanket I sewed for my son.

I have a small box with a few things like my report cards from school and a few photos...they don't fill the box. They dont take up much space.

I kept a lock of my ds's hair- it was very blond and shoulder length when he had it cut when he was maybe 11 or so. I think I have since thrown it out. I kept his baby teeth for a while too..then threw them out on a decluttering urge.

Decluttering is about letting go of what we dont LOVE or use. If there is strong sentimental attachment to something, and space for it, its worth keeping. THe only issue is when we put strong sentimental attachment to a lot of things, and have a problem with letting go in general.

I do know a woman, a friend, who has terrible trouble letting go of things. Her home is full of clutter, although she tries. She kept all her mother's clothes after she died- in her own wardrobe. Her sentimental attachment to her parents was such that I have never seen- but not healthy, IMO either, because it was taking up too much space in her life. SO much space that her house was "full" and cluttered and overwhelming.

But its for each of us to decide where that line is, and it changes, too.

[HS Mom in NC]

@Audrey

 

Did you notice the wedding dress comment was in reference to wearing it on her wedding day? Did you wear your mother's wedding dress when you got married? I've never met anyone who was ever interested in her mother's wedding gown for her wedding day. I know one person who felt obligated, but not enthusiastic.

 

Did you notice the comment about a few baby items from mom in contrast to a box of things? I also mentioned a limited size space (my cedar chest) for sentimental items (I did not specify which items were in there.) My statements were not as blanket as you seem to think they are.

 

My post is generally about proportion.

 

@gardening momma

 

That's the other problem with keeping your wedding dress for your daughter. You can pressure her into even when you say, "No pressure. You don't HAVE to wear it, but I did save it for 20+ years just in case you DO want to wear it." I have never even suggested to my daughters that any of them wear my wedding dress (which is one of the few items in my cedar chest.) I want them to have their own day with their own style and all the joy of planning and choosing for themselves.

[Audrey]

@Audrey

 

Did you notice the wedding dress comment was in reference to wearing it on her wedding day? Did you wear your mother's wedding dress when you got married? I've never met anyone who was ever interested in her mother's wedding gown for her wedding day. I know one person who felt obligated, but not enthusiastic.

 

Did you notice the comment about a few baby items from mom in contrast to a box of things? I also mentioned a limited size space (my cedar chest) for sentimental items (I did not specify which items were in there.) My statements were not as blanket as you seem to think they are.

 

My post is generally about proportion.

 

 

 

I didn't read it that way. And yes, I did wear her dress. We eloped, but that was the one thing I wanted. She'd been dead 4 years already, but the dress was timeless and gorgeous. It still smelled like her. I'm very glad she didn't declutter it because she assumed I wouldn't want it.

 

YMMV, obviously, and that's fine.

[Heather in Neverland]

Easy peasy...if you have not used it in the last year you aren't going to use it...get rid of it. Give it away. That's my philosophy!

[Ginevra]

There are many of us who are glad their mothers saved certain mementos like that because we've since lost our dear mothers and have deep sentimental attachments to these lovingly preserved mementos. I cherish my mother's wedding dress and there will always be a little space for it. I cherish the few outfits and blankets that she had knitted herself for me when I was a baby, and which I then used when my son was a baby. That is all he has ever touched or felt of his grandmother, who I know would have loved him something fierce if she'd lived to see him.

 

:iagree: I am also all for decluttering and I do think people can get hung up too much on sentimental items, but I would not say there is nothing that one may want for sentimental reasons. I have my wedding dress and my mother's wedding dress; I plan to keep them both. Chances are good that my dd will not wish to wear either, but....she might. There is no harm in keeping it, as I have the room. Same with the Christening outfit I and my sibs all wore.

 

My sister died unexpectedly in 2008. I was surprised how much I cherished things that she gave me, while I sometimes rolled my eyes at her strange gifts when she was alive. I did not even think I possessed an attachment to some of these things, until there was the sudden reality that she could never again write me a Christmas card or give my kids a goofy stuffed animal. So, these things are keepers for some indefinite amount of time, assuming I continue to have the space.

[MrsMe]

I have read the minimalist threads with interest. Please help me continue decluttering. The problem (blessing - but problem in a way!) is that my house is pretty big and I have room for everything. I have no problems saying to myself, "I will get rid of this unused item next time we move." But if it is unused, shouldn't I get rid of it now? Ugh. I am at an impasse. I need a new inspiration, philosophy, or kick in the pants. Do you have anything for me?

 

(here's an example - a waffle iron we haven't used in at least 5 years. Another - some fabric with which I made a baby quilt for my 17yo dd - apparently I bought WAY too much - why do I still have several yards?)

 

I sat today and actually cleaned...dusted and windexed all my junk one room at a time. I'm finding that's good inspiration to dejunk. You find things you didn't know you had and kids grew out of or you just never used it.

 

So have a seat, grab some pledge and windex and see what else goes!:tongue_smilie: I think the more you declutter and get inspiration to do more, the better you feel and you toss more and more. I don't want to know that there's junk in the backs of cabinets I can't see or know I have. But I can relate. I have a convection oven that is handy, but I have to wonder if it's worth the space it takes up...complete with it's own rolling cabinet. I use it every 3 months INSTEAD of an oven. Do I really need this?

Edited January 23, 2011 by alilac

[KristinaBreece]

Do you really want to leave all that stuff for your kids to clean out? We had to do that twice when each set of our parents passed away. Big houses and 50 years of junk. How's that for an incentive?

 

:iagree: Such a great point! We live in what was my grandmother's house, and her parents' house before that. 100+ years of "family treasures" to sort through when we moved in when my gma died this spring. We had to rent a dumpster because there was just SO much, and so much of it meant nothing to any generation beyond my grandmother.