ds11 refusing to get his blood drawn

[ktgrok]

His ped ordered labwork over a week ago. I gave him a week to settle down after the regular doctor appt. I brought it up again yesterday, and today I'm making him get it done. He's refusing. He locked the door on his room, which I got him to open without having to take the door off the hinges, which is good. I have had to physically stop him from eating twice and sent him back to his room, as it has to be fasted labwork. I THINK he is getting dressed, but he is still saying he won't go.

 

I'm at a loss. this has been an hour now.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: I hope he cooperates for you.

[NanceXToo]

:grouphug: Bribe him!

[ktgrok]

i just had to pull food out of his mouth and he is sitting in the bathtub. sigh.

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug:

[FaithManor]

Wow! I'm sorry about that...eleven is big...so it's not like picking up the five year old and strapping them into the booster seat.

 

Could you call your doctor and explain just how afraid ds is? If he is compassionate, he'll call the lab and make sure that a. A tech is on call that has a lot of experience with peds. B. order a lidocaine patch...he can order say three of these two numb potential sites. You have to wait for a little bit in the waiting room but maybe knowing that he isn't going to feel the prick, will make him settle down. C. If worse comes to worse, he can order a very mild sedative that will make ds sleepy but not too hard for you to get in and out of the car. Ds will likely not remember much about the event.

 

The key is, how will your doctor take it? Some are really compassionate, just want the test done, and understand that trying to manhandle your eleven year old is a real relationship killer. Others, laugh and think "Wow, what a bad parent or what a rotten kid" and then treat you differently after it's over with.

 

We went through this with ds when he was six....regularly having his cardiac enzymes checked...but he was young enough that daddy would have just picked him up and hauled him in there if necessary. Thankfully, ds was pretty brave about it.

 

((((HUGS))))

 

Faith

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

sorry : (.

 

is it a fear thing or a power thing or ???

[Perry]

:grouphug: Bribe him!

:iagree:

 

For some reason, ice cream is a big motivator here.

[jplain]

At that age I'd probably haul him back in to see the doctor, and have the doctor explain to him why this is necessary. If they have the ability to do the blood draw in office, immediately after the doctor explains the reasoning, perhaps that would make it easier for everyone.

 

If my kids were told that they wouldn't be able to go to summer day camp because their doc couldn't sign the camp health form without the bloodwork, they'd comply in an instant. And I'm not above bribery for blood draws. My kids get ice cream. :D

[Veritaserum]

That's tough. :( I would probably go with bribery for cooperation...maybe stopping for some lunch afterward?

[gingersmom]

I take my kids to Friendlys for breakfast as a bribe. Ask them to use a baby needle (I think that's what it's called) They are really tiny. He should not feel anything.

[5wolfcubs]

My oldest hated having eye drops (she had to see eye doc/surgeon multiple times a year) -- when she was little I'd bribe her but when she was about your ds's age she flat out refused. No amount of cajoling from me or doc worked.

 

I took her aside and whispered to her about a character from a book -- one who's arm had been cut off (accident), and instead of wallowing in self-pity, she returned to training. It was not what she had chosen but she moved forward. Even when it was hard. Even when it hurt. Even when she didn't want to. My dd sat down and never, ever complained again.

 

:grouphug:

[jplain]

Ask them to use a baby needle (I think that's what it's called) They are really tiny. He should not feel anything.

Butterfly needles are gentle. :thumbup1: When I lived in Boston, those were the only needles used at the lab where I got blood draws, and the phlebotomists seemed surprised when I told them that they weren't standard everywhere.

 

Butterfly needles are small, with a butterfly-shaped rubber piece that is grasped while inserting the needle. They have tubing attached to them, and the vial is attached to the end of the tubing. If multiple vials are needed, they won't accidentally bump the needle while changing the vial.

[Tree House Academy]

My son has never done this to me. He gets nervous and such, but he doesn't refuse like that.

 

Does your ds know how important the bloodwork is? Is he sick? Does he know that the bloodwork will help the doctor figure out what is wrong and make him feel better? If that doesn't work, in our house it would be, "life sucks sometimes, but you ARE going."

[Tammyla]

Poor kid, he sounds so scared. I hope his experience is gentle and over before he knows it. I'd go with the bribe and reassure him as much as possible. Do let them know he is frightened.

[Carpe Diem]

Someone mentioned the lidocaine patch. I second this except I would recommend just getting a tube of lidocaine. It really will make it so that there will be NO PAIN with the skin prick. I am so glad that I have my tube! :D

I used it like crazy with all the testing I've had especially for my breast biopsy.

I'm a real wimp.

 

Good luck

[unsinkable]

Is he reacting to a bad previous experience or fear of the unknown. :confused:

 

Bribe -- yes.

 

Or ask him to pretty please cooperate with you, his mom, b/c you gave birth to his Big Giant Head and it hurt like h#ll. I've used this. :lol:

 

DD has had regular blood draws since she was 6. When they'd call her name, she stand up and yell, "She's not here!" She wasn't yet in the logic stage. :D

[Laurie4b]

Wow! I'm sorry about that...eleven is big...so it's not like picking up the five year old and strapping them into the booster seat.

 

Could you call your doctor and explain just how afraid ds is? If he is compassionate, he'll call the lab and make sure that a. A tech is on call that has a lot of experience with peds. B. order a lidocaine patch...he can order say three of these two numb potential sites. You have to wait for a little bit in the waiting room but maybe knowing that he isn't going to feel the prick, will make him settle down. C. If worse comes to worse, he can order a very mild sedative that will make ds sleepy but not too hard for you to get in and out of the car. Ds will likely not remember much about the event.

 

The key is, how will your doctor take it? Some are really compassionate, just want the test done, and understand that trying to manhandle your eleven year old is a real relationship killer. Others, laugh and think "Wow, what a bad parent or what a rotten kid" and then treat you differently after it's over with.

 

We went through this with ds when he was six....regularly having his cardiac enzymes checked...but he was young enough that daddy would have just picked him up and hauled him in there if necessary. Thankfully, ds was pretty brave about it.

 

((((HUGS))))

 

Faith

 

I would definitely smooth things with the doctor's office first. I have had ped's nurses in the ER be absolute witches and others who surprise surprise could actually work with scared kids. They are going to tend to be more gruff with him because of his age. All too many will give him the "don't be a big baby" message. Sad. Anyway, definitely smooth the road.

 

Also, I would consider a lollipop for him to suck on while they draw the blood. It's distracting and there is some research that it actually reduces the pain. You want a lollipop so he doesn't swallow it and choke on it in a fit (as could happen with hard candy)

[SailorMom]

I was also wonderring if this is the first time for him (fear of the unknown) or not - that makes a big difference.....

Fear of the unknown is far easier to conquer than the other alternative.

I'm all about bribery - but at his age, I think he is old enough to be grounded if he doesn't comply.

[unsinkable]

I was also wonderring if this is the first time for him (fear of the unknown) or not - that makes a big difference.....

Fear of the unknown is far easier to conquer than the other alternative.

I'm all about bribery - but at his age, I think he is old enough to be grounded if he doesn't comply.

 

I don't know what you mean by this? :confused: I'd hate to punish over a health care issue. I have 2 kids who need regular blood draws and I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I punished them b/c they were scared or uncertain or just plain sick of being poked???

 

Right now, it sounds like Katie's son can't eat until this is done. That might be motivating enough.

[Nakia]

Poor guy. Would his dad have more luck talking to him about it? I also agree that bribery is a great idea. Good luck and :grouphug:

[SailorMom]

Well - I guess we treat grounding a bit different here. Yes - it is a punishment, but it isn't a screaming at the kids type of thing. It is a rational conversation about expectations and respect. Yes - her son is afraid and it is a valid fear. Trust me - I know. My DS has had to have two heart procedures done - and the first one was at 10 yo. But DS had to understand that we knew what was best and he needed to trust us and respect our authority - what if there was a true emergency and this happened??? When they are that big - you're right - you can't physically force them into anything - so it comes down to trust and respect for authority.

I know it sounds harsh - and it does depend on the child of course - but I don't think it is out of line for his age.

[Haiku]

Were it me I would tell my kid he can go out to eat anywhere he chooses after he gets the blood drawn. And that he has to sit on a chair in the dining room until he is ready to go.

 

Tara

[chickenpatty]

:grouphug: That's a tough one. Will peer pressure work? One of my dd12's friend's mom invited dd along when her daughter was having blood drawn. She knew that her dd would be "stronger" if a friend was with her. Or less likely to have a melt down. :grouphug:

[Starr]

Is this lab work that is necessary?

[Jyniffrec]

Bribery works great here, but with younger kids. Lidocaine doesn't work a lick on my kids (we are genetically weird...).

 

:grouphug: This is emotionally difficult because we aren't supposed to want to hurt our kids but sometimes it is what has to be done. I go through this monthly (or more) and it never gets easier. I don't show my emotions and I basically tell them to suck it up but I hate it and I think I always will. I hope he comes around.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is the kind of situation where I would want dad to help.

[ktgrok]

It's DONE!!!

 

thanks everyone. I should clarify that this is for a workup to rule out physical causes for his behavior problems. So he already HAS behavior issues, add in fasted and probably low blood sugar, and a fear of the unknown and a lack of control and you get what we had here this morning. It involved him attempting to climb out a window, throwing and breaking a mug, and other fun stuff. Sigh. I did call his dad and have him talk to his dad, who thankfully backed me up. Us being on the same page helped. I also told him that this is needed for his health, and if I can't get him to do what is needed for his health I'm not really taking care of him at all, and he needs to go live at his Dad's until he can listen to me and do what I say. I hated saying that, but after he threw the mug it was time to get serious.

 

He went, he shook while they did it but it was fast. He says it hurt really bad...even with the butterfly needle they used. He knows a 3 year old that has lab work all the time and now I think respects him a bit more. As for bribery, trust me, I tried that. I offered anywhere he wanted to eat and a field trip to the Science Museaum. Nothing. I did end up getting him a donut on the way home, at his request. Oh, and when we got home he was practicing with a new slingshot/pen gun/thing that he built, and the rubber ripped and the pen shot into his finger. Hard. The blunt ball point tip pierced his fingernail. So he ended up on the floor crying with his finger bleeding. Sigh...I've canceled school for the day. He's watching tv, then going to clean up the glass he broke. I need a margarita or something, but as my period is late I can't even do that!!!

 

I REALLY hope the nueropsych can give us a reason he is like this.

 

katie

[Tap]

DS16 HATES having any blood work done. He is a great, sweet, smart kid. He knows that I wouldn't have him do something like that unless it was absolutely necessary. BUT, he really can't help it. It isn't a voluntary fear. He doesn't choose to say "I am too afraid to do this". He wants it to not bother him. He wants it to not be a big deal. But, it is an involuntary response from his body....completely out of his control. He will start shaking violently and will go totally white/blue until he lays down.

 

He has nearly blacked out from simple vaccines, several times (saw the room go dark-but once he got flat he came out of it). He says he knows it won't really hurt. He knows it is quick and easy. It is a totally involuntary response from his body.

 

For ds, I just tell him some version of 'your getting it done. I am not giving you a choice. It is not negotiable. We are not going to debate it. PERIOD. " This helps ds to kind of 'suck it up' and to go. I also tell him "I know you are not in control of how you feel. I know you don't want to do this. I know you are fighting yourself to do it...I respect that. I appreciate that you are trying to overcome a fear. I appreciate that you are trying to cooperate. BUT, I also know that what I am asking you to do, is something that you CAN handle. I know you will be fine a few minutes after it is done. Getting the shot/draw isn't the hard part, it is the time before that is hard. It is the anticipation that causes the problem. By delaying the shot, you are making the worst part.....last longer. Once it is over, it is over. You will be done.

 

 

 

For ds, this works. Ds can use 'logic' to overpower his 'emotion' but only for a short time. We have to get up and go quickly when he has his moments of logic in control.

 

I usually call and let the person who is drawing his blood, about his fear. If they know ahead of time, they are really good about making sure that they are super quick and gentle. They don't dawdle and make sure they already know what they are drawing before they get him to the room.

 

When ds had to have A LOT of blood taken at one time, I did ask for a Valium. He said it didn't really help him, but I do think it did. He was shaking less afterward.

[delaney]

nm

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that it is done. I hope that the Drs. can give you some answers soon.

[ktgrok]

thanks. And I did tell him that I know it scares him. I know he doesn't want it done. It is ok to be scared. it's ok to cry even. that he still has to have it done, even though he is scared. That I will be there the whole time etc. sigh.

[KidsHappen]

There are lots of options. First, call your dr. Find out if it is absolutely necessary or just rountine. I have had dr. offer to let the child look at their blood in the micro scope or help in some other way. That was enough incentive for some of my kidss. If not they can numb the area. They can use a pediatric needle, if it won't terribly affect the results they can give him a mild anti-anxiety (much like a dentist gives before taking the child back for major work). If it is absolutely necessary and they can find another way to do it they can use nitrous if it won't effect the results. I guarantee your child is not the first or last that has had this problem. You can also try asking your son what his suggestions are. What does he think will help or making easier or more acceptable?

[ktgrok]

There are lots of options. First, call your dr. Find out if it is absolutely necessary or just rountine. I have had dr. offer to let the child look at their blood in the micro scope or help in some other way. That was enough incentive for some of my kidss. If not they can numb the area. They can use a pediatric needle, if it won't terribly affect the results they can give him a mild anti-anxiety (much like a dentist gives before taking the child back for major work). If it is absolutely necessary and they can find another way to do it they can use nitrous if it won't effect the results. I guarantee your child is not the first or last that has had this problem. You can also try asking your son what his suggestions are. What does he think will help or making easier or more acceptable?

 

It is necessary. We did use a pediatric needle, he still said it hurt really badly. He does NOT want to take any medication to reduce anxiety as the worse part for him is being out of control, and that would make him feel less in control. And nitrous doesn't help him at all...it actually just makes him jittery and twitchy. Which sucks as he isn't much fun at the dentist either. The only thing that helped a bit was letting him "prove" to me that he COULD get food if he wanted too, but was "choosing" not to. Of course, when I realized that was the new issue I let him walk over to the box of cereal without stopping him, so he could "prove" how in control of the situation he was. At the same time he couldn't choose to go, as he was too scared. I had to make it clear there was no option, and his dad had to back me up...it was a delicate line to walk.

[SailorMom]

It is necessary. We did use a pediatric needle, he still said it hurt really badly. He does NOT want to take any medication to reduce anxiety as the worse part for him is being out of control, and that would make him feel less in control. And nitrous doesn't help him at all...it actually just makes him jittery and twitchy. Which sucks as he isn't much fun at the dentist either. The only thing that helped a bit was letting him "prove" to me that he COULD get food if he wanted too, but was "choosing" not to. Of course, when I realized that was the new issue I let him walk over to the box of cereal without stopping him, so he could "prove" how in control of the situation he was. At the same time he couldn't choose to go, as he was too scared. I had to make it clear there was no option, and his dad had to back me up...it was a delicate line to walk.

 

I agree - it's a tough one. I know I sounded harsh - but sometimes it's our job. Sounds like you did great :)

[mum]

Talk to doctor. Having had 2 kids who have had a lot of blood draws, here are some things I've done (not all at once). There is a numbing cream they can use that numbs the area, see if they offer that. I always ask the ped or nurse specifically to recommend a lab and a tech. I will tell my kids that it's not a choice, they will loose privileges if they do not comply. Also we go and do something nice afterwards, like we as adults would do for ourselves after getting through something unpleasant. That's not bribery, it's self care. I also have not been above not having the blood work done if I feel it's repetitive, or if it won't tell us anything we don't already know.

 

Good luck

[Jennifer in MI]

DS16 HATES having any blood work done. He is a great, sweet, smart kid. He knows that I wouldn't have him do something like that unless it was absolutely necessary. BUT, he really can't help it. It isn't a voluntary fear. He doesn't choose to say "I am too afraid to do this". He wants it to not bother him. He wants it to not be a big deal. But, it is an involuntary response from his body....completely out of his control. He will start shaking violently and will go totally white/blue until he lays down.

 

He has nearly blacked out from simple vaccines, several times (saw the room go dark-but once he got flat he came out of it). He says he knows it won't really hurt. He knows it is quick and easy. It is a totally involuntary response from his body.

 

For ds, I just tell him some version of 'your getting it done. I am not giving you a choice. It is not negotiable. We are not going to debate it. PERIOD. " This helps ds to kind of 'suck it up' and to go. I also tell him "I know you are not in control of how you feel. I know you don't want to do this. I know you are fighting yourself to do it...I respect that. I appreciate that you are trying to overcome a fear. I appreciate that you are trying to cooperate. BUT, I also know that what I am asking you to do, is something that you CAN handle. I know you will be fine a few minutes after it is done. Getting the shot/draw isn't the hard part, it is the time before that is hard. It is the anticipation that causes the problem. By delaying the shot, you are making the worst part.....last longer. Once it is over, it is over. You will be done.

 

 

 

For ds, this works. Ds can use 'logic' to overpower his 'emotion' but only for a short time. We have to get up and go quickly when he has his moments of logic in control.

 

I usually call and let the person who is drawing his blood, about his fear. If they know ahead of time, they are really good about making sure that they are super quick and gentle. They don't dawdle and make sure they already know what they are drawing before they get him to the room.

 

When ds had to have A LOT of blood taken at one time, I did ask for a Valium. He said it didn't really help him, but I do think it did. He was shaking less afterward.

 

I SO wish my parents had done this with me. They let me talk them out of bloodwork and other medical procedures. To this day I am VERY afraid of going to the doctor. I mean to the point of a panic attack. I'm already making myself sick about my dentist appointment and it's not for two more weeks!!! ACK!

 

I think that if I'd been forced to face up to the fear as a child, I'd have an easier time now.