Quiver0f10 Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 DH shocked me today by telling me he planned a few nights for me at a spa for my Mother's Day gift. He showed me a few places online and told me to pick when I wanted to go and where. This is a huge thing for Dh to do for me and I am so touched. I have been feeling very stressed and burnt out lately and I can't imagine 2 days to myself and a spa treatment too! But I am feeling sooo guilty! We don't have any extra money and we have a good amount of debt( yes, we were stupid) and are following Dave Ramsey's plan to get debt free. We would use some of our Stimulus check to pay for this, but we really really should be paying down debt instead. Should I just go for the day and enjoy some of the shops, maybe get a massage and then come home( It's a 40 minute drive) or should I go for it and enjoy 2 nights away. It would have been so much easier if he had just booked it and told me to GO lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomofSeven Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 with the move and all, I say go for it. Apparently your DH thinks you need it. Think of it as an investment into your mental and physical health...you can't put a price tag on that. GO FOR IT! (yes, I'm shouting in my loudest, cheerleader voice). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 I would love two days away by myself, and camping would be just fine. There are retreat centers around here for less than $100 a night, that serve meals. One I would really love to go to is a silent retreat center. My own room. Three meals. No conversation. I would do *that* in a heart beat. I probably wouldn't want to stay somewhere nice and do spa treatments, though, if we were paying down debt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Should I just go for the day and enjoy some of the shops, maybe get a massage and then come home( It's a 40 minute drive) or should I go for it and enjoy 2 nights away. If you would really enjoy two nights away, then I think that's the choice you should make (it's what your dh wants to give you). But I don't think I'd want two nights away all by myself, so, for myself, I'd choose the one-day thing. And maybe I'd do it twice (on different occasions). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Bless your dee-aitch and your fam and go! You totally deserve it, Quiver. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Just an inexpensive place away alone would do it for me. But, you really have to make the call since it is your finances, you know? We too are paying down debt, and I can say for me, anyway, I wouldn't want to spend the money on something like that right now. I have decided to forego the homeschool convention this year for that very reason. But, I would probably consider something a little less expensive. One time, I met a friend in Richmond (it was halfway between the two of us) and shared dinner and a room together. This was such a great time, and the cost of the room was split. It was just such great carefree time. Oh, and I could spend a week alone. LOL I am a person who craves alone time, though. Of course, this didn't stop me from crying when my husband drove off with the boys for camping last night. Of course, it didn't take me long to bask in the solitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted April 20, 2008 Author Share Posted April 20, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I am leaning towards going for the day and spend some time walking the shops etc and then coming home. I think I would feel too guilty spending money to relax and enjoy myself. It's going to be just as fun and relaxing to spend the day by myself having fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Only to go to LLL conferences (more like work that a vacation). I would not mine a day at a spa! You only live once, so enjoy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 I think I would feel too guilty spending money to relax and enjoy myself. Please don't think of it in terms of feeling guilty. Just do what you think is best. I was only giving you options of having the alone time to de-stress that might fit the budget you mentioned better, that's all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxxxxxxx Posted April 20, 2008 Share Posted April 20, 2008 Oh you should at least have a massage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I think a compromise of accepting a day away to spa, hide in the local bookstore, whatever relaxes YOU but not spending the night anywhere might be good - hubby could still feel he was giving you a treat and you would not have to spend you time away fretting over the cost. Unless he is trying to get rid of you for a couple days while he paints the bedroom or retiles a bathroom or???;) to surprise you. Forgot to add - I have not been away by myself except for 1. five days in hospital with pneumonia 14 years ago and 2. my brother's wedding in San Diego about 8 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Should I just go for the day and enjoy some of the shops, maybe get a massage and then come home( It's a 40 minute drive) or should I go for it and enjoy 2 nights away. It would have been so much easier if he had just booked it and told me to GO lol. When I read your title, my reaction was "IN A HEART BEAT!!!" Do not go for just the day and come home. If you do that, you might as well not go at all. Since you are not putting the trip on a credit card and you are not taking money from other budgeted items, take the gift from your dh and say thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I have taken trips alone three times during my fourteen year marriage and it has been so good for me. It was also good for my family. When I came home each time, I was so touched to know that I had been missed so much. It also opened their eyes to all that I do when I'm home. Wives and mothers give and give, sacrificing for and nurturing everyone in the family. That is why we feel guilty when something comes up for ourselves. I think it was wonderful of your dh to do this for you! The debts will be there when you return. This isn't such a splurge that it will reverse your entire financial situation. The investment in your mental health is priceless! Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Well, I just got back from spending the last two days visiting my mom (halfway between our home cities) and going to see "Wicked" for my birthday present from Mom. I think the only other time I've gone away and left dh and the kids was for my grandmother's funeral last fall... Anyway, it was lovely, and the kids and dh seemed to have some special bonding time without me. I mean, they're close anyway, but having me not there just changed the dynamic a little and seemed positive for them too. I totally understand your concerns over debt / guilt... But I also think there's a big difference in just getting a day off (which is lovely that once-in-a-blue-moon when it comes!) and being able to spend the day, go to bed when you like without any responsibilities, sleeping in a bit, having a relaxing breakfast, and heading back whenever you wish... For me, the spa thing might not really appeal, but the alone-ness and the fact that I wouldn't be "on call" for a whole day and night would make a huge difference... For me, I think I'd look for a less expensive option that still got me a night away. And the fact is, lol, I'd probably spend much of the time thinking and planning for school, etc, when I get back home. ;) But the freedom to do that (and read a trashy novel too, or whatever) would make me happier and more productive... It sounds like it would be meaningful to your dh if you accepted this gift from him. He has really tried to think about what you need and desire and how he can give you what you truly want. I think your accepting his gift would make him feel wonderful -- that he "got it right" (regardless of whether he did or not, lol) -- and that in itself might be reason enough to do it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I have taken trips alone three times during my fourteen year marriage and it has been so good for me. It was also good for my family. When I came home each time, I was so touched to know that I had been missed so much. It also opened their eyes to all that I do when I'm home. Wives and mothers give and give, sacrificing for and nurturing everyone in the family. That is why we feel guilty when something comes up for ourselves. I think it was wonderful of your dh to do this for you! The debts will be there when you return. This isn't such a splurge that it will reverse your entire financial situation. The investment in your mental health is priceless! Blessings, Lucinda :iagree: Really, you do deserve this and your dh can handle the kids while you are away!!! Please go and enjoy yourself!!! (And, can I hide in your suitcase????) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Go! It sounds like an awesome idea that your lovely dh wants you to do. Umm, can I come too? It sounds so amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane in CO Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Jean, We are on the DR plan as well and if my husband suggested that to me, I would do it in a heart beat!!!! As other posters have mentioned, you are not taking on new debt, you have not had a break in a while, and it would be good to help rejuvenate and relax you. I say GO ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkgumby Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 If it sounds good to you, ditch the guilt (as much as possible) and DO IT!!! Me, I'd try to talk a girlfriend into coming along, or I'd make one when I got there as soon as possible. I actually don't do the "alone" thing very well. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I would go in a hot minute. Every year in June, my best friend and I go to a scrapbook retreat for THREE nights! We shop, have lunch, sleep in, and scrapbook with no kids and no husbands and I look forward to it every year! Dh loves it because I come back in a great mood. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I just recently did this. I took school stuff and planned out our year, but I also did some other stuff. :D I went to a retreat center that did NOT serve meals, but had a fully functioning kitchen. It was $40/night. I brought some granola bars, tea and protein drinks. I left Friday around noon and came home Sunday evening. I took my laptop and ipod and got a ton of work done, as well as reading, sleeping and worship. I also had a few too many blizzards, and hit 2 local goodwill stores. It was fun. I came home feeling GREAT. Alot of work done, well-rested, and a few great bargins:D What more could a mom ask for?!?!? GO!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I recently went to an out of state conference all by myself, although I met friends there and roomed with them part of my stay. I made a point to stay an extra day all by myself and it was sooooooo good for me! I had a wonderful quiet time of relaxation doing what I wanted to do, slept in the next morning and had a very sweet time of prayer and devotions all by myself. I even loved traveling on the plane by myself because I don't have much alone time at home. Getting away by yourself can be an excellent way to hear God's voice when there isn't anything going on to interrupt. Hope you go, dear friend. You are so blessed. Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Thanks for all the replies! I am going to do something, just need to figure out where and when. I am looking forward to this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in the NH Woods Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 My dh blesses me a couple times a year with time alone (usually at a hotel) to regroup, re-evaluate, lesson plan, pray, swim, eat, take photos, whatever.... He knows my constitution (we dubbed me with the "Indian name" Hiding Cloud :o), and that occasionally I need time to crawl off alone and regroup. Just one day doesn't do it, I need at least two nights in a stretch. I return incredibly refreshed with renewed vision for my vocation in life. To be honest, the money would probably be spent on something else anyway, and I think investing in your physical, emotional, and spiritual health are worth it. I think your family would be blessed too~ my crew usually has a blast when I go out of town, and my dh enjoys the time with them. .:party: My two cents! Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claussenpc Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I would encourage you to go. Four years ago my parents started going to Florida for a few months during the winter. My mother was having a difficult time being away from her lifetime town and home. My dh suggested flying down to spend 3 days with her. It was a lot of work finding care arrangements for my dc, but worth it. I have returned 1 week each year since. I go alone and this functions as my "winter blues" sanity week. It is a budget strain but worth every penny. I must also say that we are not trying to pay down debt. We were blessed to have done that before starting a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Jean, that is awesome!! It really sounds like your dh knows what you need and is sweet enough to offer. I would do it and I would enjoy every minute of it!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 When I read your title, my reaction was "IN A HEART BEAT!!!" Do not go for just the day and come home. If you do that, you might as well not go at all. Since you are not putting the trip on a credit card and you are not taking money from other budgeted items, take the gift from your dh and say thank you. :iagree: Go. And enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
my2kidsmom Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Go!GO!GOOOOOOOO! (I my best cheerleader voice):D I would love to be able to do something like this. I wish dh would think of somethink like this for mother's day.....anyone want to call him and drop the hint? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 your dh planned it, even knowing your finances. He thinks it's important for you. Do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I say go for it. You deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I come back so refreshed. It's really worthwhile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battlemaiden Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I am leaning towards going for the day and spend some time walking the shops etc and then coming home. I think I would feel too guilty spending money to relax and enjoy myself. It's going to be just as fun and relaxing to spend the day by myself having fun! It has been my personal experience that I don't really start to unwind AND get the Hitch in my giddayup until I've spent two nights away. It *has* to be at least two nights. When I went away alone recently my mom sent birthday money for me to go get a massage but I decided I really didn't want that and put the money towards the hotel. I didn't miss it a bit. I finished/read seven books in my time away and not only did I feel rested but I was able to take a mental step back and allow my mind to release. I journaled wonderful "big picture" ideas and I came home to have some deep and meaningful conversation with my dh about life. He was blessed because of this time too. I posted before going on this time away about how guilty I felt. Everyone encouraged me to go, and they were right. Go sweetie. You won't regret it. Jo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Go. And without guilt. We do no one in our family a favor when we deny opportunities that nurture ourselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 There are times to be practical. This is not one of them. Go and have a wonderful time, come back refreshed and ready to face the world anew. Your refreshed outlook will be worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJN Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 one night away and come home after supper the second day. You kids will love the time with dad and you'll be appreciated so much more. I know it's hard to treat yourself to something when finances are tight and debt needs to be paid. Trust your dh and go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Are you going to Hot Springs? Because if you are, I will meet you there! But wherever you're going, GO. You may not have the money and sticking to Dave Ramsey...but this is a worthy cause! How sweet of your dh to want to do this for you. You certainly can't disappoint him, now can you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DIY-DY Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 It sounds like it would be meaningful to your dh if you accepted this gift from him. He has really tried to think about what you need and desire and how he can give you what you truly want. I think your accepting his gift would make him feel wonderful -- that he "got it right" (regardless of whether he did or not, lol) -- and that in itself might be reason enough to do it... So often, we daydream about our DHs knowing what we would love, or in some way acknowledging our value and wanting to cherish us. Then, when it comes, we have a hard time accepting those gifts. (Not just from our DHs, but accepting blessings from others, in general, I suspect.) My DH just said this weekend that I need to go away for a few days. After I finished ribbing him about trying to get rid of me, we talked, and he shared how much his perspective is improved by just a couple of days away with work, and how much easier it is for him to handle all the activity that is our home when he gets back. He said as much as he hates going away for work, he really loves how he feels, and how he can see past all the noise and chaos and "stuff" and just enjoy us on a whole new level when he comes home. Then he said he wants me to have that experience, too. Anyway, I have a feeling that your DH would benefit just as much from being able to do this *for* you, as you would, yourself, from going. Dy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Quiv, Go, Dear. Go to tell your hubby he "done good." Go to tell your children that Dad's The Man. Go to show how to graciously accept a kind and thoughtful gift. Go to show your family, your friends, and even your WTM buddies that nurturing yourself is important. Go to spend time with your Lord without distractions. Go to get filled from the Source, so you can give later. Go to have fun! Go to feel blessed and pretty and taken care of. Go to rest. Go to relax and release and recharge. Go so that they all will miss you and appreciate you that much more. Go to give Dh some bonding time with dc. Go so we can hear what you did and celebrate with you. Go to listen to the Voice of God that may need the silence of alone time in order for you to hear it. Go to see what God has for you in his Word. Go, Dear. Love, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 LOL you guys are great! You have talked me into going! I think I am going to skip the spa, but I am going to plan for 2 nights somewhere and just relax and enjoy myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 chiming in very late here, but I actually heard Dave Ramsey talk about something like this just last week. He said to consider it an investment in your marriage and go. Don't incur new debt, but if you are diligent about paying, these are the kind of things that reap rewards far beyond being debt free. Go somewhere and enjoy it. No guilt allowed - Dave Ramsey said so! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted April 21, 2008 Author Share Posted April 21, 2008 Go somewhere and enjoy it. No guilt allowed - Dave Ramsey said so! LOL well now it's a done deal if Dave says so! :D That does make me feel better though, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I do this every year. I usually go to a silent retreat for a week. Where I am fed. Twice though I have been to India for 3 weeks. I feel no guilt about taking care of myself in this way...we are not in debt apart from mortages on investment properties, but we rent, and we are not wealthy by any means. But you know, if people wait till they retire to really do what they want to do, what is good for them....they may be dead or incapacitated. Its not selfish in a bad way, it is taking care of yourself. You have a good dh who want sot take care of you...let him. Dont ruin his present with your guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkgumby Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 If you're skipping the spa, do you have any hobbies/creative outlets that you could tie into this two nights away? Several people have mentioned scrapbook retreats (which is the only two nights away *I* get a year), but there are also quilting retreats, and I imagine various other ones. You might look into that, if you're so inclined. (: Have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 LOL you guys are great! You have talked me into going! I think I am going to skip the spa, but I am going to plan for 2 nights somewhere and just relax and enjoy myself. :thumbup: Your WTM forum friends are all so proud of you! You'll have to share all about the trip when you return. ENJOY! Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaMere Academy Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Never have, but YES I would love to and want to do it soon. I also am burned out and need to be alone for a bit to THINK with no one bothering me. Go and enjoy yourself!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Consider it an investment in your marriage and your mental health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.