Let me tell ya about my morning.....

[Parabola]

It all started out just fine. I checked my email and looked at the WW pics that had been posted. We made the beds, and then ate breakfast. The kids were still eating theirs (they are the slowest eaters EVER) and I was walking around the house doing a pick up, and THAT’S when it began to go bad.

 

I can pinpoint the moment.

 

It was the moment I realized the dog had crapped in the house.

A side note: I don’t know what the etiquette is on doo doo euphemisms around here, so I guess I should call it poo. Crap, however, is a more accurate representation of my mentality upon seeing the poo.

 

So I exiled the dog to his crate. I should’ve also taken note that this wasn’t the dog’s usual MO.

 

I cleaned up the mess via the toilet. Flushed and all was fine for a short sweet moment. Then DS3 used the potty. He’s in the middle of potty training, this should’ve been a joyous moment but it wasn’t because that’s when the neverending flush began.

 

The toilet overflowed, and all I can say is thank peaches it was clean water to fill the bowl that was overflowing, and not used water. That’s the only silver lining I found, but yay verily it was a good one.

 

So I carpet the bathroom in old towels and rags, and commence to plunging. The water was up to the rim of the bowl, so of course every plunge contributed further to the soaking of the bathroom. Then every few minutes, the toilet would start running again and spill even more water out of the bowl into the ocean that my bathroom now is.

 

I called DH. The conversation went something like this:

 

Me: panicked noises of which “toilet†and “g*d ****†are the only discernable words.

 

DH: What?

 

Me: The toilet, its flooding, all over, I can’t get it to stop, the usual tricks aren’t working (its an old toilet)

 

DH: Do you have the tank off?

 

Me: yes.

 

DH: Hows the flap?

 

Me: What flap?

 

DH: The pink flap.

 

Me: You mean the orange flap?

(details are apparently quite important to me at all times)

 

 

DH: (wisely choosing not to argue with his deranged toilet-harassed wife): Ok, the orange flap. Is it doing what its supposed to do?

 

I peer into the toilet tank.

 

Me: I don’t really have a basis for comparison.

 

At this point the toilet begins running again, water begins spilling all over the floor, so I am forced to retreat.

 

Me: I can’t get close, I can’t get see, I have to get out of the way.

 

DH: Its ok. Its OKAY.

 

The toilet subsides. I cautiously approach the beast.

 

Dh: Did you check the rhinosynclastic comboniculator on the left side of the tank, the one that aferregulates the blabbittyblahblitty blah?

 

Me: You mean the thing with the sticky up things?

 

So DH decided to come home. After hanging up from him, I walk into the living room to hear my 5 year old say “Mommy look what the dog is doing.†(Is there ever anything good that happens after that request?)

 

Here's what the dog is doing, he’s pooing and puking all over the blankets in his crate.

 

I let him out of the crate to somehow tackle THIS problem. Which wasn’t so wise an idea because he immediately pukes again, on the carpet. I throw a rag over it. I unlock and open all doors between me and the washing machine, start it going, and carefully oh so carefully figure out how to fold the blanket so I don’t have to see or (so help me) touch anything grody. It took me three tries, because puking myself suddenly became a serious problem.

 

I generally do just fine cleaning up kid puke but I guess dog mess is beyond my limits. I’m gagging. And I don’t have anywhere to puke. The toilet is literally full to THE BRIM with water, no room for puke. And I can’t imagine then flushing it, that would just be flushing puke all over the bathroom. So I puked in the sink (please forgive me).

 

I did this twice before I managed to get that nasty blanket into the wash. There was *no way* I was rinsing it first. Now, to deal with the dog puke. He had puked twice more, so there went two more rags. I’m starting to run low. I put him back in the crate. He immediately poos in the crate.

 

At this point I do what I should’ve done with the dog from the beginning. No, I didn’t shoot him. I put him outside.

 

So I deal with all the mess, every bit of it. And DH gets home and is working in the bathroom and he’s not even cussing. He’s almost got it working right again, the house is not disgusting anymore, the pace of the morning has slowed to a manageable rate. I think its going to be okay afterall.

 

But wait, I still have an encore: It’s a lovely day and foolish me wants to open a window to enjoy the breeze. Not to mention the house could probably use it. I should’ve known better. You would think I would’ve learned not to tempt fate on this particular morning. But no, looks like I don’t learn particularly quickly. And I have the broken window and cut wrist to prove it.

 

After all that, the rest of the day was almost boring. Tomorrow better be boring too.

[jacqui in mo]

Here's to a calm, uneventful tomorrow! Thanks for sharing your morning though. We can all so relate to those days gone bad.

[BeachGirl]

Oh. My. Word. Your morning was very eventful. I am hoping you and your children experience a much more boring morning tomorrow. How is the dog feeling now?

 

Good luck!!!:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Brigitte]

You know what I love about this board. Just when I feel like I have had a really bad day, I can come on here an see that I didn't have it so bad afterall.

 

I think I would have crawled back in bed after what you went through. I hope tomorrow gets off to a smoother start.

[Amy in Orlando]

Wishing you a calm day tomorrow. I love that your dh didn't argue over the color of the flap. That would not have been the case here.

[jail warden]

Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry, that is a terrible day!:grouphug: Here's to an uneventful and boring day tomorrow!:cheers2:

[Cheryl in NM]

I'm sorry! I couldn't help :lol:.:glare:

 

Now, I really do hope you have a great, boring day tomorrow.

 

:grouphug:

[Parabola]

No, please laugh. Its the way I dealt with it. After it was over, of course.....

:D

[Karen sn]

That was so funny from here!

Sometimes I look back on the days from hell myself and laugh out loud.

oh......life!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Some days are so bad that you just have to laugh. I hope that your dog is better and that your plumbing is too!

[Quiver0f10]

Wow, sorry you went through that. Hope tomorrow ( today) is better!

[shell in SC]

Wishing you a calm day tomorrow. I love that your dh didn't argue over the color of the flap. That would not have been the case here.

 

I love that your dh said "It's okay, it's okay". Mine would have joined me in the cussing (not at me, but at the toilet) and yelling adding to the chaos. Such is my life. . .no one is calm when we have drama.

[JudoMom]

It all started out just fine. I checked my email and looked at the WW pics that had been posted. We made the beds, and then ate breakfast. The kids were still eating theirs (they are the slowest eaters EVER) and I was walking around the house doing a pick up, and THAT’S when it began to go bad.

 

I can pinpoint the moment.

 

It was the moment I realized the dog had crapped in the house.

A side note: I don’t know what the etiquette is on doo doo euphemisms around here, so I guess I should call it poo. Crap, however, is a more accurate representation of my mentality upon seeing the poo.

 

So I exiled the dog to his crate. I should’ve also taken note that this wasn’t the dog’s usual MO.

 

I cleaned up the mess via the toilet. Flushed and all was fine for a short sweet moment. Then DS3 used the potty. He’s in the middle of potty training, this should’ve been a joyous moment but it wasn’t because that’s when the neverending flush began.

 

The toilet overflowed, and all I can say is thank peaches it was clean water to fill the bowl that was overflowing, and not used water. That’s the only silver lining I found, but yay verily it was a good one.

 

So I carpet the bathroom in old towels and rags, and commence to plunging. The water was up to the rim of the bowl, so of course every plunge contributed further to the soaking of the bathroom. Then every few minutes, the toilet would start running again and spill even more water out of the bowl into the ocean that my bathroom now is.

 

I called DH. The conversation went something like this:

 

Me: panicked noises of which “toilet†and “g*d ****†are the only discernable words.

 

DH: What?

 

Me: The toilet, its flooding, all over, I can’t get it to stop, the usual tricks aren’t working (its an old toilet)

 

DH: Do you have the tank off?

 

Me: yes.

 

DH: Hows the flap?

 

Me: What flap?

 

DH: The pink flap.

 

Me: You mean the orange flap?

(details are apparently quite important to me at all times)

 

 

DH: (wisely choosing not to argue with his deranged toilet-harassed wife): Ok, the orange flap. Is it doing what its supposed to do?

 

I peer into the toilet tank.

 

Me: I don’t really have a basis for comparison.

 

At this point the toilet begins running again, water begins spilling all over the floor, so I am forced to retreat.

 

Me: I can’t get close, I can’t get see, I have to get out of the way.

 

DH: Its ok. Its OKAY.

 

The toilet subsides. I cautiously approach the beast.

 

Dh: Did you check the rhinosynclastic comboniculator on the left side of the tank, the one that aferregulates the blabbittyblahblitty blah?

 

Me: You mean the thing with the sticky up things?

 

So DH decided to come home. After hanging up from him, I walk into the living room to hear my 5 year old say “Mommy look what the dog is doing.†(Is there ever anything good that happens after that request?)

 

Here's what the dog is doing, he’s pooing and puking all over the blankets in his crate.

 

I let him out of the crate to somehow tackle THIS problem. Which wasn’t so wise an idea because he immediately pukes again, on the carpet. I throw a rag over it. I unlock and open all doors between me and the washing machine, start it going, and carefully oh so carefully figure out how to fold the blanket so I don’t have to see or (so help me) touch anything grody. It took me three tries, because puking myself suddenly became a serious problem.

 

I generally do just fine cleaning up kid puke but I guess dog mess is beyond my limits. I’m gagging. And I don’t have anywhere to puke. The toilet is literally full to THE BRIM with water, no room for puke. And I can’t imagine then flushing it, that would just be flushing puke all over the bathroom. So I puked in the sink (please forgive me).

 

I did this twice before I managed to get that nasty blanket into the wash. There was *no way* I was rinsing it first. Now, to deal with the dog puke. He had puked twice more, so there went two more rags. I’m starting to run low. I put him back in the crate. He immediately poos in the crate.

 

At this point I do what I should’ve done with the dog from the beginning. No, I didn’t shoot him. I put him outside.

 

So I deal with all the mess, every bit of it. And DH gets home and is working in the bathroom and he’s not even cussing. He’s almost got it working right again, the house is not disgusting anymore, the pace of the morning has slowed to a manageable rate. I think its going to be okay afterall.

 

But wait, I still have an encore: It’s a lovely day and foolish me wants to open a window to enjoy the breeze. Not to mention the house could probably use it. I should’ve known better. You would think I would’ve learned not to tempt fate on this particular morning. But no, looks like I don’t learn particularly quickly. And I have the broken window and cut wrist to prove it.

 

After all that, the rest of the day was almost boring. Tomorrow better be boring too.

 

you've gotten my morning off to a great start :smilielol5:. I'm so sorry your day started out this way, but this had me laughing!

[Kim in Appalachia]

but it did make me laugh, I'm so sorry.

 

I think I would have declared it movie day, let the kids watch their favorites while I took at hot bath, in a clean bathroom.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day. (I quess it has to be. :tongue_smilie:)

[Night Elf]

Egads! What a morning! That's the kind of day I just want to jump back into bed and pull the covers over my head. Yay you for persevering! (and don't stress about the puking, I would have done the same thing!)

[Harriet Vane]

I'm so sorry you had such nastiness!!!

 

And I'm so glad you shared it with us--that conversation with your dh made me laugh out loud. Thank you!

 

:grouphug:

[JFSinIL]

At which point I would have said "Dear - stay home!" and gone back to bed.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

and submit your post. You are VERY talented. Too bad you have to suffer for your art.

 

:001_smile:

[Call Me Cordelia]

Too Funny! Thanks for sharing!

[Rhonda in TX]

That's all I could say while reading your post. "Oh, NO!"

 

It did make me laugh, but I am so, so sorry your day started out this way. I think I'd be calling school off after that particular experience. Blech!

[PinkInTheBlue]

Oh my...Oh my.... I can't think of a thing to say! I hate to tell you this but although I am really, really sorry for your morning I am SO glad it was your's and not mine! LOL Oh my...that's quite a morning. SOOOO glad the rest of the day was more boring. Oh my...;)

[mo2]

Wow. As I am laughing, I am also sincerely hoping that your wrist is okay. And that your dog is okay. And that your sanity is okay. I totally would have cancelled all plans for the day and let the kids watch movies.

[CookieMonster]

DH: How's the flap?

 

Me: What flap?

 

DH: The pink flap.

 

Me: You mean the orange flap?

(details are apparently quite important to me at all times)

 

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

 

The toilet subsides. I cautiously approach the beast.

 

and

 

I walk into the living room to hear my 5 year old say “Mommy look what the dog is doing.†(Is there ever anything good that happens after that request?)

 

 

:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

Thanks for the laugh!

 

Here's to a boring tomorrow!

[Leta]

Thank you for posting this. It is almost 4 p.m., and this is the first I've laughed today. Thank you.

[Joanne]

Please copy, paste and print a copy of this post.

 

It's a great example of telling a story in a humorous, engaging way to capture your audience.

[Jennifer in MI]

Okay - I'm sorry - but I'm laughing too!! You really do write well! Please do copy and print this! And, if you ever decide to write a book, I'll be first in line!!

 

Oh - and how is your dog??

[pixelroper]

and submit your post. You are VERY talented. Too bad you have to suffer for your art.

 

:001_smile:

 

 

Ditto this & on the Erma..:lol:

 

Many would say we have art because of suffering...."Three Cheers" for making us lemonade out of your lemons!!!:hurray:

[Marie in Oh]

the part on the phone with dh where he is asking you if the x y and z is working I had tears rolling down my face and my oldest dd thought I had lost my ever loving mind. Oh my. Sorry to laugh but :lol:

[Tarheel Heather]

That was so funny from here!

Sometimes I look back on the days from hell myself and laugh out loud.

oh......life!

 

 

That was too funny! It will tomorrow for you!

[I talk to the trees]

I must agree with the others- you must send a copy of this to a HS magazine for publication! I read this out loud to DD, and by the end, we were both laughing hysterically! Not at you, of course, but with you!;):lol: I hope you have a very boring- read: relaxing- day tomorrow!

 

-Robin

[PineFarmMom]

So I'm reading and gagging down a bite of taco soup. I should have skimmed it before taking that bite. lol

 

That was a rough morning for you. Hope tomorrow is better!! :)

 

Teresa

[mcconnellboys]

ROFL - and spitting!

[Angela in TN]

Oh I am sorry! What is it about animal puke and poop that is sooo disgusting?!! I can hardly contain from throwing up in my mouth when I clean out the cat box. I feel your pain sister, here's hoping tomorrow is the dullest of days!!

[KellyBelly]

OH my gosh --- what a day. I feel for you - that is awful! I won't complain about mine... it didn't involve any poo or vomit, so it must have been a good one! :grouphug:

[runningirl71]

I was just about to log out when your post caught my eye! I had a busy day, far from a bad day, but I was moody all night (it happens when dh has to go back to work after dinner-works at a univ. and has certain events he has to attend) and just not feeling myself. I'm so sorry, but I was really, truly, laughing out loud at your post! My son even said: "What's so funny?" Sorry I laughed at your expense, it must have been the way you wrote it, I could just picture it all happening-sorry it was reality for you!

 

In fact, I got such a laugh, I'm going to give you a rep point! Enjoy, it's the least I could do!:D

[Parabola]

Wow. Thanks all. What a bunch of sadists you must be. :001_huh:

haha just kidding. ;) Glad you enjoyed it.

 

As for the dog, he's doing fine now. He spent a good portion of yesterday outside, which isn't something he usually does because he's a lilttle 6 pound dog and I don't trust that our fencing will contain him. AND we're surrounded on both sides by big dogs, some of whom aren't very friendly and I doubt my dog would notice that, he thinks everyone is his friend.

He came back in the house last night, so far so good.

 

Have a good day all.