Would you feel badly if your sister wrote this to you on FB?.........................

[MariannNOVA]

Tell the twins they will be tied to the dock if they are wild. We also have child sized crabtraps....

 

 

 

:confused:

 

We are visiting my sister, her family and my mom at their vacation home this coming Saturday. We will go in the a.m. and come home that night - We will have to drive about 3 hours each way. If we don't make this trip, we won't see any of them (i really want to see two of my nieces b4 they head back to college and my kids want to see everyone, and dh and I want to see my sister's husband who IS just the greatest person and ds 9 wants to play guitar with his uncle). Did you get all that?:001_huh:

 

My sister is FORMIDABLE! Six years younger than me, incredibly successful (I am not over-stating this)......and she is a very strong personality. I DO tend to keep my distance b/c if I want to get shredded, I'll just jump into a food processor or something.

 

My kids are great - truly! If they were awful, I would say so......and I probably wouldn't bring them anywhere. But, they can sit in the truck for 3+ hours and I know they will be incredibly well behaved, appropriate and a pleasure to be around - and I am not just saying that.

 

ETA:

It's like she craves manic scenes from 'Cheaper By The Dozen' - and wishes that stuff would happen......and really, her dd will play barbies with my dds for almost the entire time. The older cousins will take the younger ones fishing or crabbing, her dh will play the guitar with my ds for HOURS - my ds lives for that. My mom and I will visit and my sister will be banging spoons on a frying pan trying to get everyone riled up.

 

 

My sister's 9 year old (on the other hand), well, let's say that my sister has probably spent all of 6 minutes with her since they adopted her 8 years ago. My kids LOVE their cousin - my dd9.5 and she get along famously. THAT being said, I know from a visit (they stayed with us for a week) two years ago that my niece needs ALOT of, hmmmmm, someone keeping an eye on her to make sure things are the way they should be. She tends to get into stuff that she shouldn't get into.........my kids, thankfully (and I am not saying they are angels) but they know where they should stick their noses and where they should not.

 

And my niece will love having her cousins b/c she is typically sitting in front of the television or she is in the company of adults.

 

There is part of me that knows my sister's sense of humor (warped sometimes) but I would NEVER EVER say that about her child or anyone else's child.......even in jest, and I feel put off that she has put this out there.

 

Be kind...........Am I over-reacting? TIA ETA: (AGAIN)she makes me feel unbelievably inadequate and she does make pointed statements that I threw away (her words) a very successful career to stay home and raise my children. BTW, when I gave up the bright lights and the big city I also began taking care of her 2 year old dd and then her newborn dd (my nieces whom I adore). I loved doing it. and it never occured to me that it might grate on her -- I thought it was just so good that her kids could be taken care of my a family member who wanted to do it.

Edited August 19, 2010 by MariannNOVA

[amy g.]

I'd just laugh, and promise to warn them.

[Dobela]

I'd just laugh, and promise to warn them.

:iagree:

[Paisley Hedgehog]

I think she was trying to be funny. Not knowing any history, that's the way I took it. Basically the message is "Please warn the kids in advance that we expect everyone to behave." Honestly, for families that have very calm children, it can be quite daunting to have a more "lively" bunch on the way ... (I speak from experience ;))

[Liz CA]

I get the impression that your sister thinks she is just being funny. However, to post this on such a public forum as FB seems inappropriate (even though she may think she is just giving others a good laugh) since who knows how many people will read it and may form an unflattering picture of your dc.

 

Some people are incredibly smart but this does not mean they are incredibly tactful or kind.

I was always a very sarcastic person in my younger days. It took a lot of years to make me softer.

 

[starwarsmomma]

I make jokes like that all the time. Usually to my own kids. LOL

 

I THINK it was being funny, but because of ya'lls history, I can see how you are not positive about humor or what.

[coffeefreak]

yes :leaving:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously though, my SIL/Sister and I joke like that all the time. The only difference is, it would be me saying, "If my kids don't behave tie them to the dock," and she would reply, "Oh, we have child-sized crab traps too!" Then again, I know it's all in good fun. Does your sister judge you or your kids? Is that why you feel uncomfortable about the joke?

 

:grouphug:

Dorinda

[The Girls' Mom]

I'd probably laugh and ask her to make sure she had extra strong traps.

 

But we have a saying in our family: "If we don't pick on you, then you aren't loved"

[Remudamom]

I'm reminded of something my identical boys said. Their piano teacher said "If you don't practice I'll make you cry." And my boys replied "We'll see who makes who cry."

 

Maybe your kids can hold their own too?

 

Your sister sounds like a good candidate for the "crab" trap herself.

[MariannNOVA]

I make jokes like that all the time. Usually to my own kids. LOL

 

I THINK it was being funny, but because of ya'lls history, I can see how you are not positive about humor or what.

 

 

Well, not positive about what she said. I'm all for humor. I probably would not have minded if she had emailed it to me - I would have laughed - and she and I have been emailing as far as what foods we will bring, belated birthday presents, etc.

 

But, this went out to everyone -- I am not a big FB person, and I would have preferred (and I guess that this is the long and short of it) that she shared it with me and no one else.

 

I guess I am just being hyper-sensitive, and I will just let this go.

 

Thank you all for perspective.:001_smile:

[WiseOwlKnits]

I would reply back, "I'll tell mine if you'll tell yours!"

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I'm reminded of something my identical boys said. Their piano teacher said "If you don't practice I'll make you cry." And my boys replied "We'll see who makes who cry."

 

Maybe your kids can hold their own too?

 

Your sister sounds like a good candidate for the "crab" trap herself.

 

:lol:

[Miss Marple]

and she is a very strong personality. I DO tend to keep my distance b/c if I want to get shredded, I'll just jump into a food processor or something.

 

LOL! You won't believe the images this sentence conjured up for me!

 

But to the topic: I would guess that your sister is assuming that your 9 year old twins are similar to her 9 year old. And she's thinking that 3 of them might just be...well...crazy! And she's probably trying to make it a lighthearted joke (albeit one in poor taste) based on that assumption. And, yes, I would feel badly about a comment of that type coming from a person of her type in a relatively public venue. But blow it off - you get to see your brother in law and your kids are going to have a grand time!

[AuntieM]

She might need a gentle reminder that humor doesn't always come across as intended in cyberspace.

 

If she wrote it on my wall, I'd delete it. If she wonders why, there's your chance to tell her you did not think it funny.

 

I find myself wondering if, after previous visits, her dd may have pointed to yours as the culprits for a mess she made? Just a thought.

 

But I wouldn't let it make me feel bad. Just consider the source.

[MariannNOVA]

I'd probably laugh and ask her to make sure she had extra strong traps.

 

But we have a saying in our family: "If we don't pick on you, then you aren't loved"

 

OMG!!!!! We have the SAME family!;)

[Mejane]

I think many people couch their true feelings in humor so if someone becomes offended they can turn it around and say, "Gee, I was only kidding." It would annoy me, but then I'm easily annoyed these days (or so I've been told. :glare:)

[MariannNOVA]

I would reply back, "I'll tell mine if you'll tell yours!"

 

Did I mention that food processsor in my original post?:001_huh:

 

IF I wrote that back to her (and I do think that what you wrote is funny) she would FREAK out! We would likely be uninvited.:001_huh:

[Catwoman]

I would assume that she was joking and let it go, unless you have a good-natured, snappy comeback for her.

 

Only you know if your sister was kidding around, or if she meant it in an insulting way, but my first instinct was that she didn't mean anything at all by it; she was just trying to be funny.

 

Cat

[Catwoman]

I'm reminded of something my identical boys said. Their piano teacher said "If you don't practice I'll make you cry." And my boys replied "We'll see who makes who cry."

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

Your kids ROCK!!!!!!

 

Guess they take after their mom, though... ;)

 

Cat

[Kathleen in VA]

Maybe you could reply, "LOL. Make sure you've got enough rope and a crabtrap for your daughter too!"

 

That way she may see that even though she may have been trying to be funny, it doesn't always translate well on the internet. She may just laugh but then again, she may realize how sharp her comment was and not ever do that again.

[Samiam]

I would just delete it. If she asked why, I would say something. Most people would probably "get" why it was deleted, though. That kind of makes a point without you having to.

[MariannNOVA]

yes :leaving:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously though, my SIL/Sister and I joke like that all the time. The only difference is, it would be me saying, "If my kids don't behave tie them to the dock," and she would reply, "Oh, we have child-sized crab traps too!" Then again, I know it's all in good fun. Does your sister judge you or your kids? YES Is that why you feel uncomfortable about the joke? YES

 

:grouphug:

Dorinda

 

Thank you for isolating those two issues - yes, she judges and equates everything on the yardstick of 'you have stayed home 31 years raising kids and I have pursued a fabulously successful career.'

 

I do think, though, that she really pushed my buttons and I have to let it go.:)

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

I wouldn't like it, either. I'd probably delete the comment but say nothing.

[Kathleen in VA]

Thank you for isolating those two issues - yes, she judges and equates everything on the yardstick of 'you have stayed home 31 years raising kids and I have pursued a fabulously successful career.'

 

I do think, though, that she really pushed my buttons and I have to let it go.:)

 

She's probably jealous of you.

[Teachin'Mine]

I'd feel badly too, but being me, I'd take the opportunity to zing one back ... in an equally humorous way of course. :D

 

How about something like I can only imagine how many times you've had to rescue your own from the crabtrap, so mine will come forewarned. :D I know - I'm bad. :tongue_smilie: You could also ask her for more details on getting tied to the dock - you want to clarify if that's the top side or the underside so you can pass the info along to the twins. :lol:

 

Sounds like she's more adult oriented and is probably just stressing over having so many kids at her house and imagining the worst. And it's probably just her sense of humor too. :)

 

Go and have an awesome visit with everyone!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Without knowing your sister, I'd say she was trying to be funny. Go and have a good time. In the meantime, :grouphug: - I'm smarting a bit on a "funny e-mail" that my sister sent me that hit a sensitive spot for me, so I understand!

 

BTW - I jokingly asked a friend once how her "little hoodlums" were doing. I didn't know that two had just been booked at juvie hall. That went over like a lead balloon and I did a lot of apologizing.

[Denisemomof4]

Well, not positive about what she said. I'm all for humor. I probably would not have minded if she had emailed it to me - I would have laughed - and she and I have been emailing as far as what foods we will bring, belated birthday presents, etc.

 

But, this went out to everyone -- I am not a big FB person, and I would have preferred (and I guess that this is the long and short of it) that she shared it with me and no one else.

 

I guess I am just being hyper-sensitive, and I will just let this go.

 

Thank you all for perspective.:001_smile:

 

well, I would laugh something like that off because I have a wicked sense of humor. BUT, if I had read that on someone's FB page I would assume the kids were unruly.

 

I hope you have fun. We will be checking into our hotel on Saturday. Crystal City! After reading the description of CC and the underground mall, I'm thinking I need to go back and have a girlie time. :001_smile: You can chauffer me around in the hummer, ok? ;)

[MariannNOVA]

well, I would laugh something like that off because I have a wicked sense of humor. BUT, if I had read that on someone's FB page I would assume the kids were unruly.

 

I hope you have fun. We will be checking into our hotel on Saturday. Crystal City! After reading the description of CC and the underground mall, I'm thinking I need to go back and have a girlie time. :001_smile: You can chauffer me around in the hummer, ok? ;)

 

The 'concrete jungle' is looking awfully good to me right now.;)

[Denisemomof4]

Thank you for isolating those two issues - yes, she judges and equates everything on the yardstick of 'you have stayed home 31 years raising kids and I have pursued a fabulously successful career.'

 

I do think, though, that she really pushed my buttons and I have to let it go.:)

 

I agree you need to let it go, but it makes me sad that this adopted child has no time with her mother. I can't even imagine. Adopted children need more time with their family than bio kids, IMO.

 

Your sister probably judges you, or looks down on you, because you've spent your life raising kids. How sad. I'd be willing to also bet that she's jealous because of what you've done for and have with your kids. KWIM?

[Paintedlady]

*Gently* You're overreacting.

[justamouse]

Well, I just teased in another thread about toddlers being tossed to sharks. But my family has a long and wide history of strange humor. If I said that to my Aunt, she would ask something like, "Did you put Paprika on them? The sharks hate Paprika." Stuff so OTT, you know?

 

Ask her what she baited her traps with so you know what to get your niece. :D

 

Go love on your niece, and sister. Have a great time and be the duck.

[MariannNOVA]

I'd feel badly too' date=' but being me, I'd take the opportunity to zing one back ... in an equally humorous way of course. :D

 

How about something like I can only imagine how many times you've had to rescue your own from the crabtrap, so mine will come forewarned. :D I know - I'm bad. :tongue_smilie: You could also ask her for more details on getting tied to the dock - you want to clarify if that's the top side or the underside so you can pass the info along to the twins. :lol:

 

Sounds like she's more adult oriented and is probably just stressing over having so many kids at her house and imagining the worst. And it's probably just her sense of humor too. :)

 

Go and have an awesome visit with everyone!

 

Nope - couldn't be further from the truth (I highlighted in red). She is the rowdiest, biggest kid of them all. Her older daughters and I used to hide from her when she brought out her cruise director agenda when the older dds were younger and we would all vacation together.

 

It's like she craves manic scenes from 'Cheaper By The Dozen' - and wishes that stuff would happen......and really, her dd will play barbies with my dds for almost the entire time. The older cousins will take the younger ones fishing or crabbing, her dh will play the guitar with my ds for HOURS - my ds lives for that. My mom and I will visit and my sister will be banging spoons on a frying pan trying to get everyone riled up.

[Melissa in FL]

Tell the twins they will be tied to the dock if they are wild. We also have child sized crabtraps....

 

 

 

:

 

OK, lets all come up with something funny to post in reply!

I would put:

 

After three hours in the car to come see you, I might be the wild one that needs to be tied up! lol

 

or

 

Do you have adult sized crabtraps too (in case any of us adults gets too wild)?

 

Let's see what the hive can come up with!

Melissa

[MariannNOVA]

Well, I just teased in another thread about toddlers being tossed to sharks. But my family has a long and wide history of strange humor. If I said that to my Aunt, she would ask something like, "Did you put Paprika on them? The sharks hate Paprika." Stuff so OTT, you know?

 

Ask her what she baited her traps with so you know what to get your niece. :D

 

Go love on your niece, and sister. Have a great time and be the duck.

 

You are right -- you are all right.:)

 

QUACK!

[HRAAB]

*Gently* You're overreacting.

 

This depends on the personality of the sister. If my sister wrote that, it would have much deeper meanings, and yes, I would be greatly offended. That is because there is a long and very unpleasant history between us. In other families, it might be read as friendly teasing. It really depends on the family dynamics, and only the OP knows what her sister is truly saying. If the OP is feeling somewhat offended, she might have valid reasons for those feelings because of past behavior. Then again, maybe this is just sisterly teasing.

[Dawn in OH]

I would have assumed she meant it to be funny. Just like my Mom tells my kids that they will be chained in the dungeon if they misbehave when they are going to visit her. So unless I knew her to not be a joke making kind of person, I wouldn't be bothered.

[MariannNOVA]

OK, lets all come up with something funny to post in reply!

I would put:

 

After three hours in the car to come see you, I might be the wild one that needs to be tied up! lol

 

or

 

Do you have adult sized crabtraps too (in case any of us adults gets too wild)?

 

Let's see what the hive can come up with!

Melissa

 

Excellent! That's what I need: snappy comebacks!:D

[justamouse]

(after reading your posts)

 

you know, I know this is the pat answer to all things sibling, but I'm seeing some jealousy there on her part. She loves it so much, she loves riling them all up, and she has this wildy successful career, LOOK how successful she is! Bask in her success! But she might want to be spending more time home banging pot lids together and listening to her hubby play guitar with her own kids.

 

That space between SAHM and Career Mom is both wide and a breath away. It has moments of uphoria and vast guilt. I'm sure her emoptions are pendulous at times. And your contentness may abrade very roughly, the same way a content career woman abrades my content SAHM self. It just is.

[hornblower]

Honestly, I'd probably say something like

 

"oh don't worry. We have them trained on an electric collar now. SO helpful. I'm bringing an extra one for you." & let the chips fall.

 

I don't understand why you said in a pp that she'd uninvite you if you make a funny/snarky comment back. She can't tease & not expect to get teased back. :confused:

[simka2]

No and Yes. I would laugh at the image of my twins tied to the dock!!!! and think they totally deserved it :)

 

After reading the rest of the post though...I could see this as being more passive agressive than funny.

[MariannNOVA]

(after reading your posts)

 

you know, I know this is the pat answer to all things sibling, but I'm seeing some jealousy there on her part. She loves it so much, she loves riling them all up, and she has this wildy successful career, LOOK how successful she is! Bask in her success! But she might want to be spending more time home banging pot lids together and listening to her hubby play guitar with her own kids.

 

That space between SAHM and Career Mom is both wide and a breath away. It has moments of uphoria and vast guilt. I'm sure her emoptions are pendulous at times. And your contentness may abrade very roughly, the same way a content career woman abrades my content SAHM self. It just is.

 

Thank you -- she makes me feel unbelievably unaccomplished (is that a word?) and she does make pointed statements that I threw away a very successful to stay home and raise my children. BTW, when I gave up the bright lights and the big city (18 years ago) I also began taking care of her 2 year old dd and then her newborn dd (my nieces whom I adore). I loved doing it. and it never occured to me that it might grate on her -- I thought it was just so good that her kids could be taken care of my a family member who wanted to do it.

 

Thanks again - I don't feel as unaccomplished as I did earlier.

[Renee in NC]

I'd just laugh, and promise to warn them.

 

:iagree:

[Miss Marple]

Shoot! I had a great pic of a Ninja penguin! I can't get it to post. But I think Big Penguin needs to put on the Ninja costume for some protection from overbearing penguin sister.

 

http://fans.askaninja.com/photo/ninjapenguinbysideways8studios-1?context=album&albumId=1181368%3AAlbum%3A1045468

Edited August 19, 2010 by CynthiaOK

[justamouse]

Thank you -- she makes me feel unbelievably unaccomplished (is that a word?) and she does make pointed statements that I threw away a very successful to stay home and raise my children. BTW, when I gave up the bright lights and the big city (18 years ago) I also began taking care of her 2 year old dd and then her newborn dd (my nieces whom I adore). I loved doing it. and it never occured to me that it might grate on her -- I thought it was just so good that her kids could be taken care of my a family member who wanted to do it.

 

Thanks again - I don't feel as unaccomplished as I did earlier.

 

You're ****ed if you do, and ****ed if you don't. If you say your children were worth the sacrifice of leaving your career, she may hear that she was not willing to make the sacrifice. And I'm not going to touch the possible resentment of you raising her babies those years ago.

 

The only way to solve it is to get her totally wasted and tell her how much you love her. :D She just may be carrying around such a vast amount of guilt it leaks out in barbs. You love her, you love her kids, there's no competition and your proud of her success. And have another lemondrop.

[MariannNOVA]

Honestly, I'd probably say something like

 

"oh don't worry. We have them trained on an electric collar now. SO helpful. I'm bringing an extra one for you." & let the chips fall.

 

I don't understand why you said in a pp that she'd uninvite you if you make a funny/snarky comment back. She can't tease & not expect to get teased back. :confused:

 

IF my remark was the slightest NOT to her liking, oh, yes, I would be uninvited. And, oh, yes, she definitely expects that she can say anything she wants...and if the teasing back is not to her liking, look out.

I do like the electric collar remark. My bil would think THAT was funny.

[MariannNOVA]

You're ****ed if you do, and ****ed if you don't. If you say your children were worth the sacrifice of leaving your career, she may hear that she was not willing to make the sacrifice. And I'm not going to touch the possible resentment of you raising her babies those years ago.

 

The only way to solve it is to get her totally wasted and tell her how much you love her. :D She just may be carrying around such a vast amount of guilt it leaks out in barbs. You love her, you love her kids, there's no competition and your proud of her success. And have another lemondrop.

 

 

Well, there, you have just cut to the chase. I'll bring the potent potables. You are right - THAT is all she probably wants. Thank you again. I will raise my first glass to 'justamouse.' :cheers2:

[MariannNOVA]

Without knowing your sister, I'd say she was trying to be funny. Go and have a good time. In the meantime, :grouphug: - I'm smarting a bit on a "funny e-mail" that my sister sent me that hit a sensitive spot for me, so I understand!

 

BTW - I jokingly asked a friend once how her "little hoodlums" were doing. I didn't know that two had just been booked at juvie hall. That went over like a lead balloon and I did a lot of apologizing.

 

 

Thank you, Jean, and as for your BTw, OOPS!:blushing:

[MariannNOVA]

Shoot! I had a great pic of a Ninja penguin! I can't get it to post. But I think Big Penguin needs to put on the Ninja costume for some protection from overbearing penguin sister.

 

http://fans.askaninja.com/photo/ninjapenguinbysideways8studios-1?context=album&albumId=1181368%3AAlbum%3A1045468

 

 

 

I was able to find it through the link. :lol::lol::lol:

[LibraryLover]

As an outsider reading that, it seems light -hearted and funny.

 

If my sister said that, I would laugh. She and I get each other.

 

If a particular SIL said that, I'd probably feel bad, as nothing about that particlar SIL is light-hearted.

[EarleneW]

I'd laugh- sounds like she is trying to be funny!