Ways to connect with my daughter?

[Daisy]

My daughter is almost eleven years old. She is just like me! We are introverts with a tendency towards irritability. Makes for a couple of prickly pears.

 

Too often my interactions with her lately have boiled down to barking orders and reproofs. Not surprisingly, I'm constantly getting on to her for talking the exact same way to her little brother. Gah! Nothing like having your kids' behaviors remind you of what a lousy parent you can be.

 

So what to do? I've got to break out of this grumpy mommy mode (which I've struggled with for months). I also desperately need to reconnect with my daughter. I don't really know how to do it? I'm horrible at relationships. I'm a have a list, do the list, check off the list kind of gal. I want to have one of those close mother/daughter relationships and seriously, I have no idea how to make that happen.

 

Any suggestions?

[Liz CA]

I am like you in regards to list. But I watched my dear friend build a wonderful relationship with her dd (I only have a son) by finding something they like to do together. In their case, it was cooking & baking. It need not be a money or time consuming hobby.

Perhaps you can brainstorm with her what things you both like: Hey, you make a LIST and she makes a LIST, then you compare and see if by chance you have similar items on it or if someone came up with something that sounds good to both of you!

Making memories together is connecting.

 

I, on the other hand, crawled around trees and in chicken coops to follow my ds on his adventures. Thank God he is 19 now and I can wear clean clothes again. :lol:

[Mynyel]

I went through this with my daughter for a while. Not months on end but for a few months.

 

She is a lot like her mama too :)

 

I started out by taking only her with me to the store and point things out on the way to try and engage in talk. Then while we were at the store I would go to the "girlie" sections and see what she likes and doesn't like and talk about it.

 

Then after doing that a few times we would have mom/daughter time. We would paint toes (and I would praise her for her for my messed up painted toes :)) paint fingers. I would braid her hair (she likes it braided) and things like that.

 

I started out small. Then worked my way up. Things are fine now...except for the occasional tude when I ask her to do chores:tongue_smilie:

[simka2]

Sometimes I'm an introvert and sometimes I'm an extrovert :) Here are some of the things we do...We have a common hobby (horses), we do mommy/dd dates to the movies, a book store, a clothing store, hairstylist, library, you name it! Mainly, I carve out time for her and I!!! Whether, it's cooking a special meal (she picks out), or picking out a new decor for her room (google girls rooms hit the image button and viola!.)

 

I also go on a walk every evening...the first half by myself, and then I circle back to the house and pick up 1 of my kids (it's on a rotation.)

 

Hope that helps a little!

[Miss Peregrine]

I have a separate journal with each of my daughters. We write back and forth to each other and put it under the recipient's pillow when we are done. We have had some great conversations this way.

[Jilly]

:bigear:

 

I am going through the same thing right now with my daughter who seems to be going through a rough patch, and I am desperately trying to connect with her. I did tell her that this summer I want her to be my shadow, so she is spending a great deal of time with me. Sometimes I get a little grumpy because I would like some alone time, but she really seems to be enjoying it. We are cooking, talking, dancing (she really likes it if I put on 80s music and dance with her), and watching movies together. Anything she wants to do we do, and through all the activities she talks to me. It seems to be helping her, and we are growing much closer, which is wonderful.

[simka2]

Just today she asked if we could go into Justice (a girls clothing store) I said "not today, but on our next mmommy.daughter date!"

[texasmama]

At least once a week, go and do something with just her that you both enjoy. No talking about anything unpleasant. You must BOTH enjoy the activity. This will build your relationship and your positive feelings over time.

[LibraryLover]

My 11 yr old yr old and I play Banangrams frequently. ;) It's fast, fun, and makes us chuckle. We also do read alouds for fun, not just for 'school'. We like to watch movies together and talk about them. She especially likes to complain to me about how books are better, that movies made into books are almost always awful. lol

[Mom0012]

Find something you both like to do and put it on your list. I do crafts and art projects with my daughter. I try to take the time to sit down next to her when she is practicing the piano and tell her how much I enjoyed the piece she just played. Whenever my husband and son go on a camping trip, she and I always go out to eat (which is a real treat since my son has allergies) and hit the mall or some other store, which is also a special thing for us to do.

 

I make sure to go in to her room at bedtime each night and give her a kiss and tuck her in and tell her how special she is to me and how much I love her and how I could not have asked for a better daughter.

 

(Now maybe someone can give me some tips on how to remain close to my son? I do tell him I love him and that he is precious to me, but there is nothing that he and I both enjoy doing at this point. He is 10, almost 11.)

 

Lisa

[Daisy]

I'm going to take her out for a walk by the river and breakfast tomorrow morning. I talked with hubby this afternoon about how homeschooling and being with the kids 24/7 doesn't automatically translate into close relationships or one-on-one time. By the time we finish school, I'm ready to HIDE. That makes me feel so guilty because I know I need to interact with my children as a loving mom and not just teacher and slave driver.

[sheryl]

My daughter is almost eleven years old. She is just like me! We are introverts with a tendency towards irritability. Makes for a couple of prickly pears.

 

Too often my interactions with her lately have boiled down to barking orders and reproofs. Not surprisingly, I'm constantly getting on to her for talking the exact same way to her little brother. Gah! Nothing like having your kids' behaviors remind you of what a lousy parent you can be.

 

So what to do? I've got to break out of this grumpy mommy mode (which I've struggled with for months). I also desperately need to reconnect with my daughter. I don't really know how to do it? I'm horrible at relationships. I'm a have a list, do the list, check off the list kind of gal. I want to have one of those close mother/daughter relationships and seriously, I have no idea how to make that happen.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Daisy, Well, it's the day to day building of memories big and small. It's your actions over words sometimes b/c we've all heard that "actions speak louder than words" in many instances. It's "girl talking"....talking about her likes and dislikes. How does she see herself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. What are her strengths? Her passions? Her secret interests. It's being an example of so much you already provide her, but may not realize it....teaching domestic skills, social graces, etc.

 

You could start by going on a mother/daughter weekend somewhere. Don't know your budget, but if it's tight I'd start saving now every coin I could and at least go somewhere just the two of you for a day and night. Paint nails, play music, etc.

 

This might not be what your looking for, but it's the day to day "patterning" or "example" that she will see. Add from there.

[Daisy]

Daisy, Well, it's the day to day building of memories big and small. It's your actions over words sometimes b/c we've all heard that "actions speak louder than words" in many instances. It's "girl talking"....talking about her likes and dislikes. How does she see herself in 5 years, 10 years, etc. What are her strengths? Her passions? Her secret interests. It's being an example of so much you already provide her, but may not realize it....teaching domestic skills, social graces, etc.

 

You could start by going on a mother/daughter weekend somewhere. Don't know your budget, but if it's tight I'd start saving now every coin I could and at least go somewhere just the two of you for a day and night. Paint nails, play music, etc.

 

This might not be what your looking for, but it's the day to day "patterning" or "example" that she will see. Add from there.

 

OMWord. See this is what I'm not good at. I'm girl-talk challenged. I'm a nerd. I can talk about the Bondage of the Will by Luther but oh, god, don't ask me to talk about nail polish. I don't know the first thing. LOL.

 

Okay, I'm really going to try though. She loves to write (can easily write 10 pages a day of her current story) so I'm going to try and find something we can both talk about in that vein. We had fun when we did the mini book club together. We both read Three Cups of Tea (she read the Junior version) and then we went to Starbucks and discussed it.

[fairfarmhand]

OMWord. See this is what I'm not good at. I'm girl-talk challenged. I'm a nerd. I can talk about the Bondage of the Will by Luther but oh, god, don't ask me to talk about nail polish. I don't know the first thing. LOL.

 

 

 

ME TOO! This is so hard. I'm not a hair braiding, pedicure going mom. I'd just as soon have someone wipe my backside as get a pedicure!!!

[Daisy]

ME TOO! This is so hard. I'm not a hair braiding, pedicure going mom. I'd just as soon have someone wipe my backside as get a pedicure!!!

 

Bwhaaaa! Me too!!

[Jilly]

OMWord. See this is what I'm not good at. I'm girl-talk challenged. I'm a nerd. I can talk about the Bondage of the Will by Luther but oh, god, don't ask me to talk about nail polish. I don't know the first thing. LOL.

 

:iagree:

 

I grew up with four brothers and no sisters. Even though I am a girl, I find myself really struggling when it comes to connecting with my daughter. I don't struggle in the same way with my sons.

[Peela]

I have a separate journal with each of my daughters. We write back and forth to each other and put it under the recipient's pillow when we are done. We have had some great conversations this way.

 

 

I LOVE this idea. I think I will try it with BOTH my kids. They will think its really silly- all the better ! :lol:

 

I'm going to take her out for a walk by the river and breakfast tomorrow morning. I talked with hubby this afternoon about how homeschooling and being with the kids 24/7 doesn't automatically translate into close relationships or one-on-one time. By the time we finish school, I'm ready to HIDE. That makes me feel so guilty because I know I need to interact with my children as a loving mom and not just teacher and slave driver.

 

I can so relate to this. I did think that homeschooling my kids would mean we could go to the beach and the park and the movies while all the other kids were at school, and instead I turned into this classical homeschooling nut who stays home being the drill sergeant week in week out!

 

Overall though, we have done a lot of driving to and fro activities and that is where we have had a lot of bonding time. One thing I do is listen to their music in the car and let them tell me about it. They even like picking songs on their ipod they think I will like- and I often do.

 

I am not a girly girl, and my hair takes 2 minutes of my time daily...but my dd16 has golden ringlets. I borrowed the Curly Girl book from the library and we read it together and I helped her learn how to take care of her hair. She has a great fashion sense- in her own quirky way- so I dont buy her clothes anymore without her around- but I do take her shopping for them sometimes. We also go op shopping together, which she loves.

 

I tell the kids stories from my past either in the car or when we do our daily together work and they just come up. Generally when they are a captive audience :)

 

My dd and I are similar in some ways but quite different in others. She is a social extrovert and I am an introvert. So I have had to make a lot of allowances to accomodate her need to socialise.

 

We all spend a fair amount of time on our computers around here, especially in the evening. Before I go to bed I make sure I give the kids a hug (well, my son wont let me at the moment, but dd loves it) and a kiss, to connect, because computer world, even if we are sitting in the same room, can be rather isolating. And when they wake up in the morning, I welcome them warmly and ask how they slept, ask if they had any dreams they remember, and basically connect with them.

 

I think connecting can be by finding a common interest, but it can also be physical- just touching, giving a hug...it can be sitting at the table a bit longer than normal to ask them how they are doing in some area of their lives...or to finish a conversation...it can be looking them in the eyes for a few seconds, consciously, to connect.

 

No matter how clumsily I sometimes make efforts to connect with my kids (for me it is more my son than my daughter because we are "easy" together) I feel that keeping my sense of humour and laughing at myself a lot, and even making fun of my own desire to connect, helps me "just do it" instead of being so self conscious that I dont. My son knows I love to give him a big hug- he is now taller than me- and he loves the power of not letting me hug him anymore (he was very affectionate when younger)- but sometimes he does let me and I tell him how lucky I am that my great big grown up son still lets me hug him sometimes. I try to muck around and play and tease. I find they are generally gracious, and if not, well, I try again later.

 

I am not the sort of mum who will do pedicures either, but I will ooh and ah over my dd16's new bright red painted nails or new outfit. I try to just be myself with her, without trying to be something I am not, and find ways to connect that are natural for us both.

[RanchGirl]

In addition to trying to get into the things my kids enjoy (aaagh - sports!!), my game plan for a good relationship has been avoiding nagging as much as possible, joking together regularly, and finding things to do together that we both enjoy. Board games, bike riding, etc.

 

What about scrapbooking? It's kind of girly (though one of my sons will occasionally create a page or two with me) and I've had many good conversations while scrapbooking with my friends. I wish I had a daughter to do it with too! Even if you are a pragmatic sort of gal, you can make a nice simple scrapbook without being super creative/decorative/frou frou... just get an album, adhesive, beige cardstock pages, and a black pen. Glue the photos in and add writing/journaling about the events or trips in the photos. Start small, like one small album from a certain trip. Lots of teen girls like scrapbooking and if she's a writer, she might really get into the journaling aspect of it.

 

Another good thing about scrapbooking is that as I am writing things done about events and photos, I am also recording little things I love about the kids. They read that time and time again and it helps reinforce to them how special they are to me. It captures little moments but it also shows patterns -- family events, happy moments, and a reminder of the bigger picture... here's me and mom when I was a baby and she loved me, here's me at ten and she loved me... maybe she's not lying when she says she loves me now even if we had a bad day yesterday and that's all my teen drama brain can think about right now.

[OrganicAnn]

Have you asked her what she wants to do?

 

I did this with my DD when we needed to reconnect. She said she wanted to do yoyos. I was so surprised it was the last thing I would have thought of.

 

I find that I can play any game, do any activity if it is for a short time. So even if it isn't you are comfortable with, give it a try for a short time and then say you'll do more of the activity another day.

[Alphabetika]

I have a separate journal with each of my daughters. We write back and forth to each other and put it under the recipient's pillow when we are done. We have had some great conversations this way.

 

:iagree:I was going to say this exact thing (except in our house the journals go on top of the pillows ;) ) My oldest dd has been very private all her life and a journal is the only way sometimes to have a conversation with her. If you do this, make sure you keep your side of it positive. That is, never use it as a tool for scolding or disciplining, but only for encouragement and positive expression, no matter what she writes.

[Rosie_0801]

What about op shopping or garage sale-ing? Other people's junk provides fodder for conversation, which will prevent you having to try and grasp small talk out of the sky. Stuff like "Hey, what do you think we could do with those twelve balls of fluro green wool?"

 

Priceless, I tell you.

 

And of course getting a bargain is something to talk about!

 

Rosie

[jld]

How about saying something like, "Honey, I feel bad about the way I've been treating you lately. I hear you talking to your brother unkindly and I think you're doing that because I've been talking unkindly to you. That's not the kind of mom I want to be. What do you think we could do so that we could feel good together?"

 

And then really listen to what she has to say, and act on it.

 

I hope things get better soon, whatever you decide to do.:)

[fairfarmhand]

Now that I think about it, my dd and I like to do crafty things together....and I got a booklist from someplace. I'll read a book and hand it to her and she'll read it. Then we talk about what we both liked about it. We both cried this summer reading Where The Red Fern Grows.

 

I ordered myself some new clothes (off the Kmart website since I'd rather have my toenails pulled out than go shopping) and I asked her what she thought and which things she liked.

[Carol in Cal.]

Hey, tell her about "The Bondage of the Will!" If she is like you, she will probably like it! Seriously, broach subjects cheerfully that reflect what you are thinking about and doing, without lecturing--more like sharing.

 

Also, look her in the eye, hug her a lot, and smile, too.

 

Make sure that every time you say something negative, you say 9 things that are positive (I miss that one a lot, but I know it's the right thing to do, and things go better if I do it.)

[rwjx2khsmj]

Daisy,

It looks like you've got a really great list of things to try here. I'll only add that you can go a bit easier on yourself. Moms can have bad days and showing our dc how to apologize and change is a great way to model mature behavior for your dc.

[i.love.lucy]

I have a separate journal with each of my daughters. We write back and forth to each other and put it under the recipient's pillow when we are done. We have had some great conversations this way.

My dd is very private and I think I'm going to try this!!! It's hard for me to get time with her alone without little brother. I am going to suggest to dh that maybe once each week we take an evening and I head out with her and he spends time with ds. It will do us all a world of good!!!

 

Thanks for the thread!

[Daisy]

Thanks everyone! This has given me some great ideas.

 

We had fun yesterday in our morning out. Once the two of us get alone, I don't have to think much about what we do because she just talks my ear off. LOL. :lol:

 

I think I heard every dream and story plot she has thought of for the last 10 years.

 

We went to Barnes and Noble and combed through the discount bins, had breakfast at Mimis Cafe, and went to the school supply store.

 

I need to just "be" with her more often even when I'm just at home. I don't know if that makes sense. I need to stop and listen to the poem, laugh at the joke, give the quick hug, praise the effort. It has been difficult for me lately to engage with my children.

 

And yes, I probably need to cut myself a break. We've been dealing with my husband's illness for six months now (psoriatic arthritis, major neck surgery) and I'm just flat-out tired, but I'm also worried about the negative impact I've see on my kiddos. Feel a bit like I can't keep spinning all the plates.

[KJsMom]

I need to just "be" with her more often even when I'm just at home. I don't know if that makes sense. I need to stop and listen to the poem, laugh at the joke, give the quick hug, praise the effort. It has been difficult for me lately to engage with my children.

 

 

Don't we all! I'm happy to hear that you two had such a good time together. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that we do have some pretty great kids.

[ereks mom]

I'm a have a list, do the list, check off the list kind of gal.

 

Me too! Dh tells me I'm task-oriented, and it's true. I see things that need to be done, and I just have to do them, even if it means putting family time on hold in the meantime. Since I've become aware of that, I've been working on that. I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter if things don't get done; what matters is the people I love.

 

EK (my dd) is 15yo, and when she was about 11yo, I decided I needed to connect with her more. I began teaching her to cook and sew. It was a great time for us to share together. Nowadays, one of the ways we connect is when we are working together in the kitchen. Even when we are just doing dishes, we chat. She talks about her friends and who said what, and I listen and learn a LOT about her and how she thinks. She opens up to me and tells me EVERYTHING. Another thing we do is go to the thrift store together. We both love looking at the "treasures" there. I find that when it's just her and me in the car, we often do a lot of talking.

[katemary63]

I have a separate journal with each of my daughters. We write back and forth to each other and put it under the recipient's pillow when we are done. We have had some great conversations this way.

 

Oh....this is so sweet! I wish I had thought about that! I guess it's not too late for my DD9. Thank you!

[lionfamily1999]

Daisy, are your issues things she may face? I've found that dd and I connect on our shared womanness (if that's even a word). Showing that we're the same in certain aspects, especially those things that just come with being a woman, and how we're different from all the boys has brought us very close.

 

:grouphug:

 

Sometimes it's as easy as pouring a cuppa and chatting with her like a girl friend.

[lionfamily1999]

Thanks everyone! This has given me some great ideas.

 

We had fun yesterday in our morning out. Once the two of us get alone, I don't have to think much about what we do because she just talks my ear off. LOL. :lol:

 

I think I heard every dream and story plot she has thought of for the last 10 years.

 

We went to Barnes and Noble and combed through the discount bins, had breakfast at Mimis Cafe, and went to the school supply store.

 

I need to just "be" with her more often even when I'm just at home. I don't know if that makes sense. I need to stop and listen to the poem, laugh at the joke, give the quick hug, praise the effort. It has been difficult for me lately to engage with my children.

 

And yes, I probably need to cut myself a break. We've been dealing with my husband's illness for six months now (psoriatic arthritis, major neck surgery) and I'm just flat-out tired, but I'm also worried about the negative impact I've see on my kiddos. Feel a bit like I can't keep spinning all the plates.

Okay, I'm laughing out loud at my other post now. Daisy, it sounds like you definitely have this handled.

[OnTheBrink]

I LOVE the journal idea! I'm going to try that with my 12 yodd.

 

I never had a good relationship with my mother. We never did mommy/daughter things together, so it doesn't come naturally to do those kinds of things with mine.

 

We do play board games together occasionally and watch movies. She likes to go thrift store shopping, so we do that sometimes, too.

 

Like with any relationship, it takes effort and time and of course, the inclination to make the effort, which I often forget!

[Daisy]

Okay, I'm laughing out loud at my other post now. Daisy, it sounds like you definitely have this handled.

 

No, I appreciate your earlier comment. I guess I just feel better about life today. She and I are a lot alike and it worries me sometimes that she is so much like me. Wish I could save her from that, kwim? But the problem is that I'm not much of a talker about my emotions and neither is she, but boy, do we both have them (Think flash in the pans that don't want to talk about it later). LOL.

[Miss Peregrine]

Oh....this is so sweet! I wish I had thought about that! I guess it's not too late for my DD9. Thank you!

 

I start the journal on my DD's 10th birthday. My DD 7 feels left out, though, and she is requesting one now :)

 

 

We always do something fun at the end our our entries. You have to ask a question: Chocolate chip cookies or chocolate chip cooke dough? Flannel or cotton? etc. You answer the question and then ask a new one.

DD14 started it and it is really cute.

[Daisy]

What do you all write about in the journals?

[lionfamily1999]

No, I appreciate your earlier comment. I guess I just feel better about life today. She and I are a lot alike and it worries me sometimes that she is so much like me. Wish I could save her from that, kwim? But the problem is that I'm not much of a talker about my emotions and neither is she, but boy, do we both have them (Think flash in the pans that don't want to talk about it later). LOL.

Oh Daisy, I totally know what you mean. I look at dd and it's like a mirror to my past. That terrifies me (gramma at 32 :( let's hope not!). Talking to dd has helped me start to handle my own underground emotions. For some reason the people in my family can boohoo at movies (or commercials), but have issues with expressing real emotions. Dd and I have promised to be straight with each other. It's amazing how many times my "anger" has actually been "fear." Dd was surprised to find out how much of her "anger" was "embarassment."

 

In all, my relationship with dd has been super beneficial for me, now I just hope it turns out the same with her.

[Daisy]

It's amazing how many times my "anger" has actually been "fear." Dd was surprised to find out how much of her "anger" was "embarassment."

 

 

Wow, so true. It is tough to get her to recognize that though. So we just gripe at each other. Me, afraid I'm losing her. She, upset with herself for whatever she originally did. Sigh. I love her so much it kills me to see her be so hard on herself. Dang, if I'm not the same way though.

[Jean in Newcastle]

What do you all write about in the journals?

 

I don't do a journal but it's the same idea. Dd8 has a mailbox she made out of an old tissue box in front of her door. I put little notes (I recycle "pretty" junk mail this way) that say things like "Have a wonderful day today!" or "Good luck on your spelling test" or "I love you". She sends me ones back that say things like "Mom, you are a boo-boo!":D I'm sure if she was older our notes might have more content to them but this works for us.

[lionfamily1999]

Wow, so true. It is tough to get her to recognize that though. So we just gripe at each other. Me, afraid I'm losing her. She, upset with herself for whatever she originally did. Sigh. I love her so much it kills me to see her be so hard on herself. Dang, if I'm not the same way though.

We started dissecting our feelings. It starts with, "I'm so mad!" and then builds into, "I'm angry and sad and scared.... I'm scared, because...." Having it work both ways has made us both more open. I've found that if I start off while I'm driving (neither of us can make eye contact and that makes it easier) by the time we get to town the conversation is flowing easily.

[Miss Peregrine]

What do you all write about in the journals?

 

I will tell her I appreciate the way I saw her handle something. She will write to me when she's been snappy and wants to apologize(though we do that in person, too). Asking about wearing make-up. Something that has been bothering her.

 

Anything, really. And we don't write every day. Sometimes it is daily for a few days. Sometimes we go weeks in between.

[Alphabetika]

I will tell her I appreciate the way I saw her handle something. She will write to me when she's been snappy and wants to apologize(though we do that in person, too). Asking about wearing make-up. Something that has been bothering her.

 

Anything, really. And we don't write every day. Sometimes it is daily for a few days. Sometimes we go weeks in between.

 

It's similar for us. We definitely don't write every day. Neither of us do "small talk" well in real life, and we don't small talk in the journal, either. Often she'll go for weeks without writing, then she'll unload an issue that's been on her mind. She does this IRL, too, but sometimes that's harder with dd#2 around, so the journal is more private.

 

I often choose things to write that encourage her, such as scripture or a quote or poem that speak to a particular situation in her life or a way I know she's been feeling. This is my way of noticing her, if that makes sense, or of conveying to her that I really am paying attention, since I'm rather poor at showing that in our day-to-day life - again, the introvert tendencies, the internal processing, etc., all of which she understands, but every 16-year-old, deep down, wants to be noticed. So I use writing as a way to do that. She doesn't like to have a bunch of attention focused on her out loud, so I do it in the journal. I gush a lot. ;)

 

My journal with my #11yo dd is different. She is not interested in discussing big issues yet. Well, that's not totally true. We do discuss lots of issues, but out loud, and she is much more no-nonsense. So, between that and just her youth, she doesn't need a journal for big topics yet. She expresses a lot of affection in writing, so I do the same. She asks me questions and I answer them. She uses it to "check in," in a sense. We started hers before she could write, because she saw dd#1's journal and wanted one. So she'd give me the journal with that scratchy, up-and-down zig zag writing that pre-writers do, then she'd tell me what her note said and I'd write the translation above it. She still loves to go back and look at old journals and read all the goofy things she wrote. :tongue_smilie:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I did not read all the posts, but do you and your dd go on mother/daughter dates? I have done this with my girls since they were young and it is just such a regular and fun time! Don't start by talking about serious stuff! Just have fun. Go to dinner, shopping and a movie. The conversations will start and you and your dd will be closer in no time!! As you do this more and more, the conversations will naturally become more and more deep and meaningful! :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

One more thing that I write in notes to my small (8 year old) dd is knock-knock jokes! The importance of the notes at this younger age is that she's noticed and that I'm connecting with her.

[myfunnybunch]

Haven't read the other suggestions....

 

My dd with autism and I enjoy going to the bookstore witha coffee shop. We order a drink and a pastry to share. We visit while we eat, then wander the shelves. Sometimes we'll share a cool book with one another, sometimes we wander alone. Then we reconnect and go home. She's very concrete, so if I've got a little extra $ in the budget I'll buy her a small book or a bookmark or something.

 

For her a long chat would be excrucuating. This is a way to spend time together that suits her style.

 

Cat