seeking a cure for eye-rolling from teenage boys

[Hoggirl]

Any suggestions? *Sigh*

[WTMCassandra]

Superglue?

 

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Sorry. Couldn't resist.

 

No ideas, but (((Cynthia))) and :bigear:

[Melissa in Australia]

Roll your eyes right back. Really exaggerate it, so it looks ridiculous. do it every time they roll their eyes.

[tampamommy]

Um...a dose of hot sauce in the mouth. In our house rolling eyes = blatant disrespect. Only needed to do it once.

[Ailaena]

:smilielol5::smilielol5:

 

I'm sorry, but for some reason the topic just made me LAUGH:lol::lol:

[delaney]

Firm wooden spoon to the thigh. Gets the point across!

[Sunkirst]

I tell all of mine (this is not just limited to teenage boys in my family;)) exactly what message they are sending with an eye roll; "Mom, you are the most stupid human that has ever existed, and I have zero respect for you or your authority." I then let them know that I will react as though these words were spoken (usually just a warning for the youngers who are simply imitating).

 

We've had a couple of punishments, and at least this isn't becoming a habit.

 

Good Luck!

[Lisa in Jax]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

When I read this, I could just picture my husband saying, "Time to get out the beating stick!", which he says whenever our boys do anything naughty or disrespectful. Of course, there is no beating stick, and I keep telling him not to say that or one of these days someone is going to think he's serious, but the point is that behavior is not acceptable or permissible. There should be a consequence, but I don't have any suggestions for you.

[myfunnybunch]

About 5-8 years.

 

:D

 

Burst out laughing and say, "Did you just roll your eyes at me?" (Ooo, then roll them back, like melissaL suggested.) I just laughed when my older dd rolled her eyes at me for the first time. I acted like she must have been joking (not like I was laughing at her) because there's no way she could have been serious. She never did it again, unless she needed a silly way to say she thought I was crazy.

 

Good luck.

 

Cat

[3littlekeets]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

 

Since I deeply object to any corporal punishment, I adore your solution!

[rwjx2khsmj]

We have what we call a rewind for any kind of misbehavior that needs to be undone. For an eyeroll, I'd say something like, "Cut! Rewind that please and leave out the eyeroll this time." It's a way to stop and let my children have a second chance without me using a lot of useless words about what I don't like and why. They know, I know, we move on.

[gpsings]

I don't have a teenage boy, but I have two daughters who like the eyeroll...I ask them to do it, before I say something that's going to elicit one. It takes all the sting out of it, and give you something to point and laugh about.

Say..."I'm going to ask you to do something for me, and I want you to whine or groan, and PLEASE roll your eyes...it's just not the same when you don't!" Then when they do...you say "thank you!" just as cheerfully as you can, so they know that they obeyed and you are happy about it. :D

[fhjmom]

I agree with the poster that said that eye-rolling is equal to blatant disrespect and it is handled on our house as such. Even before I was a mother and I taught public high school, eye-rolling was one of the thing I did not tolerate in my class. Not acceptable! I also do not allow sighing, huffing or any other disrespectful response when something is asked of my children.

[Danestress]

and I don't think it's necessary to receive it that way.

 

I just tell him that I don't appreciate the eye rolling. A minor penalty doesn't hurt. But I don't think it helps to be overly emotional and to decide that it means he thinks you are especially stupid. To me what it means is, "You just said something annoying." I let mine know that they can be annoyed without showing it, and that we are going to practice that so they will be able to tolerate their future annoying bosses without displaying their true feelings on the matter.

 

 

 

I tell all of mine (this is not just limited to teenage boys in my family;)) exactly what message they are sending with an eye roll; "Mom, you are the most stupid human that has ever existed, and I have zero respect for you or your authority." I then let them know that I will react as though these words were spoken (usually just a warning for the youngers who are simply imitating).

 

We've had a couple of punishments, and at least this isn't becoming a habit.

 

Good Luck!

[Parrothead]

The Leroy Jethro Gibbs head slap comes to mind.

[LauraGB]

Oh, you guys are funny! We have the "eye roll" issue here, too, and I'm subscribing to this thread to remind myself to respond with humor. Because, I have to tell you, when it happens, I'm. Not. Laughing.

 

At. All.

 

So, now, hopefully, I will be able to handle it with enough grace that my kids are offended, not me :).

[Mynyel]

The Leroy Jethro Gibbs head slap comes to mind.

 

 

OMG YES!!! Love it!

 

Must teach them to call you boss too!

[Peela]

I must be the only one but I pick my battles and I don't try to control that sort of thing. I might laugh at it, get annoyed at it, express my own feelings in return....but to me it is a form of self expression that is fairly harmless.

I also wouldn't "make" a teenager stand in front of a mirror and roll his eyes 50 times. I guess I find that more disrespectful than the original thing.

 

I don't expect to have perfectly "obedient" teenagers on all levels. I expect that they do their chores, or receive consequences. I expect that they speak to me (and everyone) reasonably respectfully. I expect that they follow society's normal rules for courteous behaviour. But I myself roll my eyes sometimes (at dh or them, with humour), I myself speak sometimes less than respectfully when asking them to do something....I do not expect them to always behave better than me at my worst.

 

I guess we allow a certain range of emotional expression around here, including towards us parents, that is perhaps unusual. Everyone gets to feel what they feel and say what they think, basically, even if we dont like it. If I ask my kids to do something and they roll their eyes, but still do it, I will note their response, try and see where they are coming from, and generally move on.

[Delighted3]

Don't look. :D

[Heather in Neverland]

I agree with the poster that said that eye-rolling is equal to blatant disrespect and it is handled on our house as such. Even before I was a mother and I taught public high school, eye-rolling was one of the thing I did not tolerate in my class. Not acceptable! I also do not allow sighing, huffing or any other disrespectful response when something is asked of my children.

 

:iagree:

 

I am 39 years old and I would still NEVER roll my eyes at my mother. It is VERY disrespectful. My children are free to express whatever range of emotion they have with respectful words. I teach them they can't just outwardly express every single feeling they are having every moment they are having it. They have to learn some self-control and they have to learn how to RESPECTFULLY express themselves. Imagine if my BOSS told me to do something I didn't like and I ROLLED MY EYES at him? I think this is a life lesson.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Heather that children need to learn to express themselves appropriately, not just anyhow (or even any time or any place) they please.

 

I am EXTREMELY upset, beyond upset, with hubby right this second and have chosen to get hold of myself before having *that* discussion with him. And then I will do it respectfully because *I* am a respectful person (and by that time, I'll probably again decide he deserves respect).

 

I have had one child try eye rolling twice. However, I don't want them desensitized to the real world consequences of their choices. And I'm certainly not going to be disrespectful, even unrespectable, in my response! Children can easily recognize hypocrisy. But I definitely think it's worth correction because I do believe that inappropriate expressions of frustration, anger, disappointment, hurt, etc should be curtailed. We've taught them better and they need to put these life skills into practice because one day it will be a spouse, boss, whoever they are dealing with and they don't want the real world consequences of a bad choice of expression.

[Hoggirl]

There have been some terrific suggestions in this thread. I am too "stupid" to know how to multi-quote (you can know roll your eyes at me for my techno-idiocy :D), but I am taking notes. I like these creative ideas that I would never come up with.

[angela in ohio]

:iagree:

 

I am 39 years old and I would still NEVER roll my eyes at my mother. It is VERY disrespectful. My children are free to express whatever range of emotion they have with respectful words. I teach them they can't just outwardly express every single feeling they are having every moment they are having it. They have to learn some self-control and they have to learn how to RESPECTFULLY express themselves. Imagine if my BOSS told me to do something I didn't like and I ROLLED MY EYES at him? I think this is a life lesson.

 

:iagree: We don't speak or act disrespectfully to anyone in this house (or out of it,) including parents.

 

My middle dd tried it once after she'd seen a friend do it to her mother. A hearty laugh and a, "Are you new here? What makes you think that is going to be allowed in this house?" took care of it. They know that is the warning, and if it happens again, swift punishment is sure to follow. :D At this point in their lives, I never have to get to the punishment part, because they know what is right and wrong and ony need a loving reminder every once in a while.

Edited June 23, 2010 by angela in ohio

[Heather in the Kootenays]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

 

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

I like this idea.

[bookfiend]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

I have heard this solution for other types of misbehavior such as unwilling/doing chores poorly. The suggested response is "you must need more practice, go and do it x number more times." While I understand how this tactic can take the anger out of the Mother's voice, the whole approach seems disinguenous to me. The child and the parent both know the behavior was inappropriate, and the "extra practice" is a punishment. Why isn't it discussed directly using terms that name the offense for what it is? I guess my whole concern is that instead of directly and respectfully resolving conflict, this practice teaches children to subliminate and rename a disagreement.

 

Please don't read my comments as harshly critical, I would honestly like to hear the reasoning that I clearly don't understand about this approach.

 

I am reading this thread with interest as we have just entered the 11 yr sulks, and I foresee that eyerolling isn't far behind, sigh.

[ereks mom]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

:thumbup:

[myfatherslily]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

I love this, too! It made me LOL :lol:

[ConnieB]

About 5-8 years.

 

:D

 

Burst out laughing and say, "Did you just roll your eyes at me?" (Ooo, then roll them back, like melissaL suggested.) I just laughed when my older dd rolled her eyes at me for the first time. I acted like she must have been joking (not like I was laughing at her) because there's no way she could have been serious. She never did it again, unless she needed a silly way to say she thought I was crazy.

 

Good luck.

 

Cat

 

And don't forget to say "Whatevvver"

[angela in ohio]

I have heard this solution for other types of misbehavior such as unwilling/doing chores poorly. The suggested response is "you must need more practice, go and do it x number more times." While I understand how this tactic can take the anger out of the Mother's voice, the whole approach seems disinguenous to me. The child and the parent both know the behavior was inappropriate, and the "extra practice" is a punishment. Why isn't it discussed directly using terms that name the offense for what it is? I guess my whole concern is that instead of directly and respectfully resolving conflict, this practice teaches children to subliminate and rename a disagreement.

 

Please don't read my comments as harshly critical, I would honestly like to hear the reasoning that I clearly don't understand about this approach.

 

I am reading this thread with interest as we have just entered the 11 yr sulks, and I foresee that eyerolling isn't far behind, sigh.

 

There's a huge difference between requiring a child to do something that is wrong multiple times for punishment (think of the dads who forced their sons to smoke a whole pack when they caught them smoking :D) and requiring a child to do something correctly multiple times. I'm not saying one or the other is right or wrong, I'm just saying that they are not comparable.

 

Dh used the method of repeating correct behaviors in his classroom when he taught. If you can't walk down the hallway quietly, we will do it ten times quietly. It is an effective way to teach the correct behavior. Having a child do a chore over several times the correct way is in the same class.

[Ellie]

and I don't think it's necessary to receive it that way.

But that is exactly how most people will perceive it, and I think it's important for our dc to know that.

 

 

A minor penalty doesn't hurt. But I don't think it helps to be overly emotional and to decide that it means he thinks you are especially stupid. To me what it means is, "You just said something annoying." I let mine know that they can be annoyed without showing it, and that we are going to practice that so they will be able to tolerate their future annoying bosses without displaying their true feelings on the matter.

I don't think it's being overly emotional to say that others perceive eye-rolling as saying that the recipient is stupid and so on. If that were not so, there wouldn't be so many people right here who are reacting so strongly.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I agree with Angela. I like the idea of practicing when it is to do it correctly. I don't like when it's used to do something wrong. For example, my son went through a brief period of stomping across the house. I would have him come back and "not stomp." Sometimes it took a time or two. It worked. I have had kids practice boundaries, practice touching their friend gently, etc. I have seen kids practice walking nicely in the hall and practice shutting doors approrpiately.

 

I really haven't thought about it, but I'm not too keen on the practicing spitting (into a cup instead of at your friend) or practicing eye rolling. I think it's creative and gets the point across. It is MUCH better, imo, than being disrespectful or unrespectable (hitting, having them submit to weird things, etc). But I think it is lacking as good discipline. It's inbetween, I guess. And I think sometimes that is okay too. But just something to think about.

 

Generally, we practice things we want to continue doing, not things we don't want to do.

[gingersmom]

Firm wooden spoon to the thigh. Gets the point across!

 

Isn't that a bit harsh?:confused:

[hornblower]

Isn't that a bit harsh?:confused:

 

Um yeah.

 

Though tabasco in the mouth is I think right up there.

 

And so is the Gibbs head slap. As someone who was slapped on the head as a child, I've never found that one funny at all either.

 

What's there to say except :001_rolleyes: and maybe

[bookfiend]

There's a huge difference between requiring a child to do something that is wrong multiple times for punishment (think of the dads who forced their sons to smoke a whole pack when they caught them smoking :D) and requiring a child to do something correctly multiple times. I'm not saying one or the other is right or wrong, I'm just saying that they are not comparable.

 

Dh used the method of repeating correct behaviors in his classroom when he taught. If you can't walk down the hallway quietly, we will do it ten times quietly. It is an effective way to teach the correct behavior. Having a child do a chore over several times the correct way is in the same class.

 

Yes, I understand this. We, too, have our boys practice what "correct" looks and feel like. Where I have seen this "you must need more practice" line most often is in regards to attitude. The child empties the dishwasher, does it correctly but with horrible attitude. The reply is "you are having a hard time emptying the dishwasher, you must need more practice." And the child then is required to empty the dishwasher for all meals for the remainder of the week.

 

I just think this technique is not an effective tool for resolving conflict. It is not even an honest statement. The child doesn't need more practice; they need a change of heart. Why does it appeal?

 

Maybe for the eye-rolling scenerio, it is just the sheer foolishness of watching yourself rolling-eyes in the mirror that makes a point and gives humor to difuse the attitude. I like the replies which envoke humor as a first line response. They remind me not to be so reactionary or overly harsh.

Edited June 23, 2010 by bookfiend
clarification

[angela in ohio]

Yes, I understand this. We, too, have our boys practice what "correct" looks and feel like. Where I have seen this "you must need more practice" line most often is in regards to attitude. The child empties the dishwasher, does it correctly but with horrible attitude. The reply is "you are having a hard time emptying the dishwasher, you must need more practice." And the child then is required to empty the dishwasher for all meals for the remainder of the week.

 

In our house something done with a bad attitude isn't done correctly, though. :001_smile: So it will depend on your standards as to whether this is a negative or positive correction.

[Danestress]

Just kidding, Ellie:)

 

I don't think an eye roll is acceptable. I think it's disrespectful and worth addressing. But "most stupid person who ever existed" seems like exactly the kind of over reaction that elicits argument instead of acknowledgment. I want to train my children to control their emotions and keep their eye rolling internal, because people do say and do annoying things all the time - even smart, nice people who we like. I just want my children to understand that even if the other person is annoying, you don't get to be disrespectful.

 

 

But that is exactly how most people will perceive it, and I think it's important for our dc to know that.

 

 

 

I don't think it's being overly emotional to say that others perceive eye-rolling as saying that the recipient is stupid and so on. If that were not so, there wouldn't be so many people right here who are reacting so strongly.

[myfunnybunch]

:iagree: We don't speak or act disrespectfully to anyone in this house (or out of it,) including parents.

 

My middle dd tried it once after she'd seen a friend do it to her mother. A hearty laugh and a, "Are you new here? What makes you think that is going to be allowed in this house?" took care of it. They know that is the warning, and if it happens again, swift punishment is sure to follow. :D At this point in their lives, I never have to get to the punishment part, because they know what is right and wrong and ony need a loving reminder every once in a while.

 

Yes, this. Sometimes a sense of humor is all I need to nip a new behavior in the bud especially if I'm also able to gently use humor to let them know a) yes, I did notice and am not willing to let it pass unremarked, and b)remind them...we just don't treat one another that way.

 

In my house it's become a silly behavior that means we think someone is being silly, rather than a disrespectful one that means "You're annoying".

 

Cat

[Peela]

Don't look. :D

 

Well, exactly!

 

I am amazed everyone who has responded would take such a thing so seriously.

[mereminerals]

This worked at our house:

 

As his parent, you need to let him know that he's not eye-rolling *correctly.* ;-)

 

Tell him that you love him dearly, and because of your deep care for his well-being, it bothers you when he doesn't do things well. He'll have to practice eye rolling to get better at it. Have him practice rolling his eyes 50 times in front of a mirror. Every time he rolls his eyes when you haven't asked him to practice, send him to a mirror and tell him to do it 50 more times. Say this with a sweet tone and a loving expression on your face. Don't you want him to do his best at EVERYTHING he does? ;-)

 

Don't comment in any other way -- after the first time, just say, "Oops, you're not doing it right! Better go practice!" and send him to practice.

 

It cured my teen dd of eye rolling with only one "practice" session. The next time she started to roll her eyes, I said, "Do you need more practice?" and she caught herself. ;-)

 

Lisa

devious, impish, creative mom. :)

 

I love this!

[glennis_b]

I thought that was just a girl thing.:)