Why are some homeschoolers so anti-social?

[Laura Corin]

We only have one monthly homeschool activity and the people are friendly. Most of the boys' friends are in our village or we know them through scouts. I've never particularly sought out home ed. friends.

 

Laura

[Parrothead]

We seem to be moving into friendlier territory now that summer is here and we can get out and meet people. I've met a few people, have some numbers to call if I would actually pick up the phone and dd has some friends.

 

In the place we lived prior to this things were simply awful. I never had to try so hard to find friends. The town was divided into locals and non-locals. The locals socialized with each other and the non-locals socialized with each other. Then there was the subcategory of homeschoolers. You'd think we would have fit there, but, no, not there. We were non-local Catholic homeschoolers. The local homeschoolers would not speak to us for no other reason than we were Catholic. Within the last 5-6 months of us being in that town one lady left this group of homeschoolers (or was kicked out) because she reverted. Her family was Catholic, changed churches (started homeschooling/joined the group), and then considered going back to the Church. I spoke to her during the considering period and that was when she told me she was not, and why we were not acceptable to these other families.

 

So the locals wouldn't socialize, the homeschoolers were odd and the non-locals all were much younger than me and had much younger kids. They all public schooled and got together for coffee when the kids were in school. Every once in a while they would invite us to a birthday party or something, but a 10-year old gers a bit bored at a birthday party for a 5-year old.

 

During this time we spent 2.5 years quite isolated. The chruch was small and only open for mass. There were no other groups. There were no neighborhood kids and things were difficult for social interaction. This was the little tiny town that I had to drive 150-miles round trip to get to a decent market.

[Laura Corin]

After reading these boards, I've been interested to hear from those introverts that really aren't interested in pursing new friendships. That was a revelation to me that some people really don't need or want friends.

 

I'm polite and do reciprocate when asked to things. But really I'd rather read a book, do the weeding, go for a walk...

 

Laura

[Carrie12345]

I haven't read all of the replies yet, but...

 

I tried to get involved with the PTA/O in both of the schools ds attended. Talk about weird, cliquey, stuck up people! I didn't stick around.

 

I honestly force myself into "socialization" for my kids. If it were just me, I'd live my life out in my little bubble. I'm fortunate to have found a handful of homeschool parents that I can not only tolerate, but nearly *enjoy* (:D) once a week, but not for the entire 5 hours that they meet. We tend to hang in there for 3 hours, on a good day. They're good people. I'm just not a people person.

It took me nearly 3 years to find them. Well, no. It took me 3 years to introduce myself to them!

 

I much prefer play dates or typical after school activities. With playdates, I don't have to deal with another adult. With after school activities, it's an hour or two with legitimate distractions (watching the participants and herding the rest of my kids).

[TammyinTN]

I don't think I'm anti-social at all. I'm just so darn busy. Dad's deployed or working 13 hour days, older kids to talk with and add education and a pet. Whew...I'm to pooped to talk to anyone.;)

[Jenny in Atl]

But is it only homeschoolers who are this way? I've found folks outside the hs world that are just as introverted and non-social. More and more people are limiting themselves to just those they find comfortable (agree with 100%) or they seem to only socialize via the computer or texting. It's really rather sad.

[Merry]

I live in a neighborhood where neighbors almost never have any company over. They are friendly and like to chat but in the eight years we've lived here, we've seen maybe only a couple of visitors next door, and none across the street. Even the public school families are not very social, I find.

[Dana]

 

Introverts aren't wierd simply because they are not like you. ;) Seriously, when I read some of the schedules posted here, I'm exhausted. For some introverts, going on a "play date" or event, especially where there are multiple families, is an all day project for us that mentally and physically completely drains our battery.

 

...

 

Aside from preferring to be with my own family, the boys have major food allergies (those who deal with this can relate to the time this takes each week),

 

I work a couple of evenings, so on those nights it can be really tough to get out during the day because I have to keep my energy reserves to be "on" in the evening.

 

The food allergies also really make getting out tough because so many of the play-dates are set up around food. "Let's meet at the park at lunch." We can't hang out after soccer games because of the group snacks.

 

So not only do I have to get past the introvert part for myself, I have to be on full alert due to the allergies when we're out. When we get home, I just need to crash and have time alone.

[mrbmom77]

Waving. From a distance. And behind the bushes.

 

:lol::lol:

 

Me, too! But not the same bushes!

 

I didn't realize I was really an introvert until a few years ago. I tried and tried to be outgoing, but it just drains me. Any large group drains me. I enjoy a small group that I know well, but get over about 10 people and I just shut down. Most people at my church don't even know my name or anything about me. We did find a small homeschool group nearby, a small Girl Scout troop, and for other activities, I just force myself to do it because my very social daughter needs the interaction.

 

It's not that I'm stuck up or hate everyone. Too much interaction just exhausts me.

[mom2jjka]

Also - a lot of homeschool moms are really, really busy - esp. if they have a number of children. I only socialize with one or two other homeschool families. When I add in neighbors (including the kids who play regularly with my kids), family, church family, sports, friends who we've sort of gathered over the years, I'm pretty full socially. I am friendly to others but sometimes when I'm invited to "one more thing" my heart sinks - because sometime, somewhere we have to find time for our studies and for the housework!

:iagree:

 

I love getting together with friends - but I often have to DRAG myself there, because after running to ballet, piano, violin, swimming, etc. I'm wiped. I just want to stay home and work on the house or spend time with my family while NOT rushing around.

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

I always try to find time to just have the kids play. Trust me I'm as busy as the next person. My girls do swimming , karate, gymnastics, soccer, Missoula Theater... etc.. We even found time to go to our cyberschool's co-op too when the weather was good.

I have four to homeschool and somehow, someway I'm willing to stop for just one day to go to a park, sit at the Y and talk with someone. I even find time to go to a special needs meeting held by a mom of 2 austisic boys ( she and I are the whole group!)

We've done the millions of doctors appointments, we even have to travel to Cincinnati for medical care for my daughter in a couple of weeks.

 

 

 

You sound busier than I would want to be! For you, sitting and talking with someone sounds relaxing. It isn't necessarily for me, even though I do like to visit with people. For me, there is a stress that I know the laundry is sitting and breeding in the hamper, that dishes are multiplying and dust bunnies are having conventions while I'm not attending to them. . . And if it is at my house, then I feel stressed because of having to get the house ready for guests. And then many kid guests trash the house and get into "private" places like closets, which stresses me no end.

 

I often keep up with people on the phone or e-mail. When we do get together it is often a multi-tasked visit - a field trip together to the zoo, shopping together at the farmer's market. And I like to space out get togethers to no more than 2 a month - that's what I can handle without getting stressed. So if I had you at my house and you invited me to your house for a few days or even a week later, I would not want to do it. If you invited me a month or two later, I would be happy to go.

Edited May 31, 2010 by Jean in Newcastle

[Guest janainaz]

I really wanted to find a homeschool group when I started 4 years ago. I tried a few, invested some time, and I gave up. I don't fit in AT all. There are a lot of things about me that don't fit the mold and I'm ok with that.

 

My boys have friends and they are happy. We don't know a single homeschooling family, and I've learned to just relax and know that maybe we're not meant to. We are open to friendships from all walks of life, we love getting to know people, and are ok with others who don't think or believe as we do. So, as far as I'm concerned, our open hearts will attract who they are meant to. We don't need to make it a focus to only know homeschoolers, or feel cheated that we don't have a single homeschooling family in our life. If I want to take my kids on a field trip, doing it in a group is not really what it's all cracked up to be. My kids go to the park every day (when it's nice) and play with other kids, they're in sports from time-to-time, we have people in our life, and it happens naturally.

 

If you feel that your kids would be happier in public school, go for it. Good moms feel what their kids need, and homeschooling is not the only path. Yes, kids are exposed to a lot more in public school, but it's the family that matters most. Do your thing and be happy!

[Wheres Toto]

I have a few of the problems mentioned here:

 

-I'm an introvert and get antsy in groups. The very idea of having to get the kids together and out the door at a specific time is exhausting to me. My son loves other kids so I do make the effort for him.

 

-My younger kids are "too young" for some of the groups since they are not official school age yet.

 

-I have one that's in public school so don't get along with the "public school is the root of all evil" groups.

 

-I'm politically liberal, live and let live, somewhat questioning Christian, divorced but no longer single, spent time as a working mom, not really conservative in any sense of the word when it comes to raising my kids (from another thread some would have problems with how I let my kids dress - not sexy, just more relaxed), let my kids watch television but definitely not unschooling....

 

-I'm older than a LOT of the moms with kids the same ages as mine - I'll be 41 soon and sometimes find I have very little in common with a 22 year old.

 

-When I do find a mom that I have a lot in common with often our kids ages don't align well for playgroups, etc.

 

In the fall I'm going to be signing my son up for soccer with our town rec league and both little ones for a homeschool gymnastics class. I'm hoping these will give them the chance to be social without me having to make too much effort. :tongue_smilie:

[littlebug42]

You sound busier than I would want to be! For you, sitting and talking with someone sounds relaxing. It isn't necessarily for me, even though I do like to visit with people. For me, there is a stress that I know the laundry is sitting and breeding in the hamper, that dishes are multiplying and dust bunnies are having conventions while I'm not attending to them. . . And if it is at my house, then I feel stressed because of having to get the house ready for guests. And then many kid guests trash the house and get into "private" places like closets, which stresses me no end.

 

 

I think that actually may be the biggest difference. For me, the social gatherings, groups etc feel like work to me. I do not enjoy them. I have one really good friend here and it is hard for me to put in what is necessary to maintain that friendship. I talk to other moms at Brownies etc but I don't have much in common with most of them and we would never make very good friends anyway. I guess I am in the category that I just don't feel like we need any more friends.

[cassiemc]

Some appreciate an invitation, but never get around to reciprocating. "I've wanted to have you over, but we're just so busy." There are some families that appreciate an invitation and make an effort to return the friendship. These are in the minority, but they are out there. Over the years I've finally figured out that I will invest my time and effort into those families that appreciate and return the effort. I don't expect that each invitation will be met with a similar invitation back. However, I'm done with one-sided friendships.

 

I encourage you to avoid those who say they just don't have time. Fine. Find someone who does and don't waste efforts on those who aren't truly interested or motivated into forming new friendships.

 

After reading these boards, I've been interested to hear from those introverts that really aren't interested in pursing new friendships. That was a revelation to me that some people really don't need or want friends. Really, it's nothing personal towards you (or me). Certain people truly value and prioritize socializing more than others.

 

(If you invited me over, I'd invite you back...even if I had to drive awhile to get there.)

 

I agree with this. We open our home up to other homeschoolers once a month or so. We are never invited to their homes. We just returned from a pool party where 50+ families were invited, 3 came. We had a blast. I will invite the pool party family over to play at our home soon. I like having friends and so do my kids. Many people just seem to not care about having friends. It's sad really.

[Food4Thought]

I just want to thank all the introverts that responded to this thread. I don't feel so alone liking to be alone. :D

 

I do have friends, and I do want to have friends. However, I need low-maintenance friends who understand that I'm a low-maintenance friend too. People wear me out. I have an Aspie son - somedays he's just "off" and I can't commit him to being "on" to join structured groups. We may make it, we may not.

 

The close friends I *do* have are near and dear to my heart, even if I only see them once a month. My kids also have friends who they enjoy immensely, but even once a week can be too much on top of the miscellany of other events we do each week.

 

I'm sure there's some group of extroverted homeschoolers out there - they probably formed up without even making a group out of it. I always hear about these groups of homeschoolers in my area who all know each other and get together even though nothing comes through on the loops. Hopefully you'll find a group like that (or form one yourself) and have fun with them.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

We value socialization and play. I just don't think that it has to be with other homeschoolers. My kids are in sports and scouting. In fact, my oldest had a long stretch this spring where he only had one weekday afternoon free and he was often leaving one activity to go directly to another.

 

For me, just being homeschoolers isn't enough of a connection. I've met several homeschoolers that I just don't want to spend my free time with. Sometimes their kids frustrate me. Sometimes I just don't click with the parent. Sometimes the mere fact that we both homeschool can't bridge the gap in our other philosophies or interests.

 

There are homeschoolers (some like us and some who are unlike us) that I love to be around. But just because someone homeschools doesn't mean that I'm going to want to be in their company.

 

We do go to our support group's bowling day about once a month. But I consider it to be drop in fun, not an obligation.

[mlbuchina]

:iagree:

I was antisocial before I started homeschooling. Always have been. Homeschooling has nothing to do with it. :)

 

ETA: I'm not stuck up. Weird, maybe.

 

:iagree: That's me!

[HeidiKC]

I think there may be a case of the grass is greener, to say that private/public school moms are more social. It's more that you are seeing them only in a social situation, and of course, their best foot is forward. Okay, so they were nice to you while you sat in the school lobby waiting for children, or at the PTA meeting, or whatever, but in the end they are still PEOPLE, and you will find some that are social and some that walk by you without a second look.

 

I don't know. My experience (so far!) is a bit similar. My kids attend a Catholic school and my favorite thing about it is that everyone is SO welcoming and friendly, supportive, not cliquish, etc. It really is remarkable. We have a Buddy Family program where we pair up incoming families with current families to have them get together (if they'd like) and to sort of introduce them around throughout the year, be available for questions, etc. If people notice or hear of someone having a hard time socially, that person is bombarded with invitations for playdates, etc. It is wonderful and I guess I'm really lucky.

 

I am planning on homeschooling my oldest next fall and have frankly been shocked at how closed-feeling and unfriendly one of the homeschool groups feels. I went to one playday in the park and I'm a pretty outgoing person. I was very friendly and the people I spoke with (it was me reaching out to them) were friendly enough, but the majority of people didn't even come over to introduce themselves or anything. I felt really uncomfortable and sad by the time I left. It isn't that big of a group and they obviously all knew each other and realized I didn't. It also didn't have anything to do with the fact that I wasn't YET homeschooling (and I don't think it should have anyway) because they didn't know that. There was another new mom there that day and they sort of ignored her as well.

 

Then several months later I went to a mom's night with moms that I think are from that same group, although it was all different moms that night. It was CRAZY how unfriendly they were with the exception of one. It was a group of about 10 people at a restaurant and they knew each other very well. They barely said "hello" to me when I sat down, and then no one asked my name, etc. Because I didn't want to interrupt conversation, it was about 5 minutes before I could introduce myself. No one seemed terribly interested or friendly towards me and they thought about telling me their names but said I probably wouldn't remember them anyway. No one asked ages of my kids or anything. I thought it was so strange and definitely will not go back. I felt like I was intruding on their special group.

 

Both this get-together and the park get-together are monthly events open to anyone and are listed on a webpage, which made it even stranger. Bummer, is all I can say.

 

My point is - everyone at our school has commented on how friendly and welcoming it is, so I don't think it's a case of the grass is always greener! I'm just hoping it isn't ALL homeschoolers that seem so unfriendly and unwelcoming because it rather got me down, especially just starting out and hoping to meet people. I guess it's just this particular group. I also kind of got a vibe of them putting down other homeschoolers they knew, but I didn't quite catch what the issues were.

[TandLMommy28]

I am not a social person in any way but my kids are very social creatures... While I plan to do everything possible to help them foster good friendships with both HS and PS kids, I honestly can tell you that I am not seeking friendships for myself with the mothers. If it happens, it happens. I'm not completely closed off to the idea of new friends but a social life outside of my own family is just not something I want or need. I do have a few friends that I try to see once a month or so (and they live in my neighborhood!). This past Christmas break, the mother of my daughter's best friend had get togethers planned almost EVERY SINGLE DAY of the two week break for all the kids in their preschool class. It was exhausting for ME and all I had to do was show up!

 

I think in the end, I consider myself really weird, even among people who share my religious beliefs and my views on education. Not socializing is just easier than having to try to explain or justify my reasons for what I do or why I do it!

[Dandelion]

I can honestly say we have given it the very best try that we can with making homeschooled friends. We aren't bad people, actually we are a pretty fun family. We enjoy going out and doing activities like bowling or even to the beach. We like to go to the park or just visit with others.

Am I a dinosaur thinking there are people that like to go out and do things anymore? Are my expectations to high? :confused:

 

I'm sorry you've had such a frustrating experience...

 

To answer your last question, my experience has been that there are lots of fun, friendly homeschooling families who welcome the opportunity to get together on a regular basis.

 

However, to meet those families in my area, I had to start up my own homeschool support group. ;) Before I started up my group, I had trouble finding like-minded people within the established groups I joined. After I started up the group, they all started coming out of the woodwork and saying "thank goodness you started up this group - this town needed something like this!!" :D And don't get me wrong - our town has TONS of homeschool support groups, co-ops, etc. But apparently many of them are cliquish, rigid and/or just not very welcoming.

 

Our group is now a little over a year old, has 148 member families, and we have get-togethers (primarily social) 3-4 times per week. Yes, it can be a lot of work... But in our case it was worth it, as our family has made some wonderful friends through this group.

 

I realize you've decided to send your kids back to school for now. But should you decide to give homeschooling another shot, I just wanted to encourage you to consider starting up your own support group. I was a total "homeschooling newbie" when I started up mine (we'd only been homeschooling for about 4 months) - I hadn't even been a member of another support group, so I had zero experience to draw from. In retrospect, maybe that helped... ;)

 

I hope the return to school goes well and that it's a good experience for you and your DC!

[Vida Winter]

Quite simply, we're busy. I value my time at home and often turn down invites. But, if we say we are going somewhere, barring illness, we go.

[rafiki]

.

[Sweetpeach]

For me, just being homeschoolers isn't enough of a connection. I've met several homeschoolers that I just don't want to spend my free time with. Sometimes their kids frustrate me. Sometimes I just don't click with the parent. Sometimes the mere fact that we both homeschool can't bridge the gap in our other philosophies or interests.

 

There are homeschoolers (some like us and some who are unlike us) that I love to be around. But just because someone homeschools doesn't mean that I'm going to want to be in their company.

 

 

 

This post resonated with me; homeschooling is how we've chosen to educate our kids in the formal land of academics but I've always said that academics is but a slice of a child's development. The social, spiritual, mental, athletic sharpening happens "out there" . . . outside our four walls . . . I value the tribe of people who are pulling our kids into the next season of growing up. We don't surround ourselves with homeschoolers but like a poster above mentionned, we try to keep an open heart and see who we're attracted to and who's attracted to us. Who we play with as a family is not at all dependant on their educational choices.

[laundrycrisis]

Homeschoolers appear to be an opinionated group, and this can be a problem. I have become reluctant to try to meet new people at park days, picnics etc. because these events feel like minefields of conversations that are, at best, awkward and uncomfortable, and at their worst, offensive and hurtful. The topics of religion and homeschooling style always seem to come up one way or another, and they rarely come up in a tolerant or open-minded way. What usually seems to happen is that either someone I don't know begins talking to me with the assumption that I share their viewpoints, saying things that are opinionated about one of these areas that make it awkward for me to correct her assumptions about me; or a group discussion spontaneously crops up that is of the same type, and I am sitting there feeling very uncomfortable about it all because of the negative comments about different perspectives, and knowing that it is not worthwhile for me to try to make friends within that group. I also do not want our kids to get their hopes up about having made a new friend, only to be disappointed that we will not get together with them because their mom is not comfortable with us about one of these areas. When our kids are in activities outside of the homeschooling community, these issues never come up, and it feels easier and more comfortable.

 

I came back to add - I would not sit in a park or other public place and have an audible conversation that might cause someone who overhears it or is on the edge of it to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. I would not make assumptions about the viewpoints (religion, politics, educational philosophy) of someone I don't know, based only on the fact that they showed up to an event for homeschoolers. In fact, I do not even want to be overheard saying critical things about public schools in a way that might be uncomfortable to anyone nearby...even someone who is there for a homeschool gathering. I cannot make assumptions about who might have another child who is enrolled in public school, or who is choosing to homeschool as only a temporary solution, and I don't want to sound critical or insulting about other people's choices. Every time I attend a homeschool event in a public place, and witness the types of conversations that come across as very negative toward a religious persuasion or educational choice, I cringe. I go home sad about feeling this way about the homeschooling community. Having this experience over and over again has left me very reluctant to try to befriend other homeschoolers.

 

The other reason for me is time. I have had difficulty with being out of the house too much during the week days, and I feel like I barely get school done, that our home is not well taken care of, and that there is no downtime at home at all. I would like to know more homeschoolers, but I really do not want to get together on a regular basis during the week days. I would not mind a gathering once every two weeks for half of a day. But when we have two or three families of friends who all want to get together privately, at different times, during the week days, the time this takes becomes a problem for me. It feels much easier for us to have friends who are not expecting us to be available to socialize during the middle of weekdays.

 

Came back to add again: While I don't feel comfortable with trying to meet others at big park days/picnics with people I don't know, if I happened to find out that someone near me was lonely or sad and wanting company, I would offer my friendship :001_smile:

Edited June 1, 2010 by Laundrycrisis2

[KathyBC]

I came back to add - I would not sit in a park or other public place and have an audible conversation that might cause someone who overhears it or is on the edge of it to feel uncomfortable or unwelcome. I would not make assumptions about the viewpoints (religion, politics, educational philosophy) of someone I don't know, based only on the fact that they showed up to an event for homeschoolers. In fact, I do not even want to be overheard saying critical things about public schools in a way that might be uncomfortable to anyone nearby...even someone who is there for a homeschool gathering. I cannot make assumptions about who might have another child who is enrolled in public school, or who is choosing to homeschool as only a temporary solution, and I don't want to sound critical or insulting about other people's choices. Every time I attend a homeschool event in a public place, and witness the types of conversations that come across as very negative toward a religious persuasion or educational choice, I cringe. I go home sad about feeling this way about the homeschooling community. Having this experience over and over again has left me very reluctant to try to befriend other homeschoolers.

 

 

I go back and forth on this one. Ideally, I'd like to be sensitive to others and keep public conversations somewhat shallow. But let's face it - for some of us getting out of the house and visiting with other moms, especially with ones who might be like-minded, doesn't happen every day. And how are you ever supposed to get to know people if you never open up and say what you *really* think?

 

So yeah, it would be nice not to offend those who might overhear; but conversation would get pretty dull if we couldn't talk about subjects about which we feel deeply. Maybe it's more the way those opinions are shared than the opinions themselves that could be improved?

[laundrycrisis]

So yeah, it would be nice not to offend those who might overhear; but conversation would get pretty dull if we couldn't talk about subjects about which we feel deeply. Maybe it's more the way those opinions are shared than the opinions themselves that could be improved?

 

Everyone is welcome to their opinions and ideas, and I certainly have my own. What I have overheard is ideas being shared in language that is completely insulting to anyone who doesn't exactly match up to the person speaking. I do think it's a good practice in general to avoid speaking that way. Also some conversations are better to have when there is a little privacy, when people are off by themselves, or when a small private group has chosen a quiet park for a more intimate get-together; and not so appropriate for a really crowded park being used by a diverse group of people, or at a homeschool park day or picnic that was set up as an inclusive event, to attract a large number of people, not specific to a particular religious persuasion or homeschooling style, and be a meet-and-greet sort of thing. Those are the experiences that have turned me off.

 

Now, if I show up at a park day for a religious group, when I know that there philosophy is not a fit for me, then overhear negative comments about those outside the religion, or have others assume I must share those beliefs, I walked into that (not that I would go but just an example) and wouldn't be bothered by it. If I show up at an unschooling picnic and overhear people making fun of those who "still do school at home", again, I knew it was an unschooling group. It's when these conversations and assumptions happen at events that are set up to be specifically inclusive that I am bothered by it.

 

Some examples of things I have overheard are "evolution is so stupid !", "religious nut jobs", and "some people are so uptight...just leave them alone and let them learn when they are ready !" IMO these are all things I wouldn't care about hearing at a philosophy-specific gathering, but when they are loudly spoken at an event that is supposed to be for homeschoolers of all types, or said to me directly by someone who doesn't know me or "what" I am, the whole situation is uncomfortable.

 

I also think that while it's fine to express our opinions about school, especially in a public place, it's best not to say things that are insulting in a general way about kids who go to school or parents who choose school for their kids. It can hurt feelings or give others a very negative impression of homeschoolers. We don't know who is at the park with their preschooler while their older child is at school, or which child is at the park for the afternoon but is in morning kindergarten, or even which homeschooling parent may have two homeschooling and two in public school, etc. I think we are better ambassadors for homeschooling when we do not come across as judgmental and insulting people.

 

Also, what I was trying to get at in my earlier post is that where someone stands with regards to religion and educational philosophy takes on so much importance with other homeschoolers....when we are at our son's Little League games, or at a park district activity, etc, nobody asks, nobody makes assumptions, and nobody cares. 99.99% of those families send their kids to school, and whatever their religion is, it's private. We are there to meet on the common ground of our interest in baseball or insects or whatever. I wish that more activities with other homeschoolers could have that same feeling of everyone being truly welcome and accepted for the activity.

Edited June 2, 2010 by Laundrycrisis2

[Jean in Wisc]

Many years ago my children were begging for friends, so I invited 7 families on 7 different occasions to our home to go sledding, play, have a light lunch...lots of variety. Not one family came. NOT ONE. None of them called ahead of time either--they just called to let me know that they would not be there, often a few minutes before(or after) they were to arrive. One family did not call at all, and I finally called them to be sure they were O.K. The mom said her car had been in the shop and since she didn't take hubby to work that day she couldn't come. :001_huh:

 

??????

 

That was the year I quit inviting people over. I could not clean, cook, and plan for people who were that rude. We, instead, started doing family activities. I went sledding and set up activities for the kids and me to do alone. The energy and disappointment put into "socializing" cost way too much.

[laundrycrisis]

None of them called ahead of time either--they just called to let me know that they would not be there, often a few minutes before(or after) they were to arrive. One family did not call at all, and I finally called them to be sure they were O.K. The mom said her car had been in the shop and since she didn't take hubby to work that day she couldn't come. :001_huh:

 

That is horribly rude. If I commit to doing something with someone, I am ironclad. We will be there. If I'm not sure about it, I don't commit.

[Hikin' Mama]

we did many of the social homeschool activities--roller skating, swimming, play group, etc. All of these took place at 1ish in the afternoon, and we were able to get everything done before noon.

 

As my kids got older, we only participated in one afternoon activity, which was a co-op. It was more academic and less social. By the time my oldest was middle school age, I was formally schooling the other two. I needed the entire day to teach everyone in the manner I desired. That means we weren't done until about 2. It seems that homeschoolers always want to get together in the morning or early afternoon. Well, it didn't work for us at that point. We needed to get our work done before we left the house, or I was too tired to get back to it later. That meant it was waiting for us the next day.

 

So we simply did things that were either after school hours (which were usually not "homeschool" functions), or Friday afternoons. I was accused of being unsocial, but I needed to do what I think is best for my kids.

 

I'm only homeschooling one now, but she is dyslexic and requires much one-on-one time, so we don't do anything during the day, except homeschool PE, which doesn't start until 2.

[Karen in CO]

:iagree:

I was antisocial before I started homeschooling. Always have been. Homeschooling has nothing to do with it. :)

 

ETA: I'm not stuck up. Weird, maybe.

Me too. And in my "spare time" I'd probably rather read, work in my garden or go for a walk than hang out with homeschoolers. I have one or two homeschool mom friends who meet once a month. It is nice to chat and our kids get along. It is really hard to find people that I can tolerate, that tolerate me, that have kids the age of mine, that get along with my kids, and that aren't weird.

 

I work 40 hours a week, homeschool, and I don't have much spare time.

[lisabees]

Well, I am definitely a public school, active, social Mom, with most of my kids in ps. I am too busy, with kids in travel sports, to do much entertaining. Many times I turn down a friend, because I am plain tired.

 

It has been interesting for me this year, my first year of hs. I have been on some field trips with a local, Christian (I am not) co-op. Yes, many of the parents and kids are, well, different than mine.

 

I have tried to put my finger on it. It's not unsocial. It's more...sheltered. By choice, of course. And it works for them. And it is safe for them to be among their own. And, as long as they stay that way - involved with only their church, or family, with people who think like they do - they won't be considered unsocial. It's just when they come out and hang with the rest of us that they are considered different. And, of course, we're all different in our own ways. There's nothing inherently wrong with that! And, there are plenty of hs who are social.

 

I have a different vision for my kids. I want them to be exposed to all kinds, within reason, of course. I want them to learn that there is good in everyone. And that everyone has a lesson to teach us. And that it is important to learn tolerance.

 

A friend who is part of that co-op was talking to me about college the other day. She wants her kids to take as many dual enrollment credits, so her kids won't be in college long - not because of the money, but because she and her dh didn't really like college. They went to a bible college and "there was too much partying" and stuff. Her school wasn't inspiring in the least, she said.

 

On the other hand, I loved college. I chose a big city university for the sole purpose of being exposed to people of all kinds. I learned about humanity and the importance of tolerance. I learned that without tolerance, there can be no change in this world. Sure - I gained a lot of knowledge, but college made me a better human being. There was a lot of partying, I guess, but I never went to one. In a big, diverse school, you can find your niche. My friend might have been inspired at my school, rather than her small, bible college.

 

So, I think worldviews are different. Personalities are different. Thank goodness we have choices to be true to ourselves.

 

Just some rambling thoughts from someone mainly on the outside. But not! ;)

Edited June 2, 2010 by lisabees

[Guest ambak]

Let me start by saying that I was a scientist for 15 years before I had children and opted to stay home as a supportive parent. So with this being said..... I have had plenty of experience with antisocial personalities in my professional field but never before have I met so many strange and antisocial people until I started exposing myself to the "home school community". I strongly believe that our children learn social skills by mimicking their parents. I believe this is why home school kids get a bad rap. Strange parents make strange kids. It's not necessarily the kids but the delightfully odd parents that pass down their un-social graces to their kids. Perhaps this is why you are having a difficult time within this realm. Find activities after traditional school hours to mingle with parents that are similar to yourself. All the parents that I know that do not home school are way more reliable than those who do. Don't emphasize the home schooling aspect of your life. It turns most parents off!

[LisaKinVA]

We are trying to plan two Friday nights (or Saturday afternoons) to have some friends over. In order to plan, I have to send the invitation about a month ahead of time. We have other activities for the children (swimming, scouts, church choir/bells/drama), but making time to have just one or two families over a month really makes a HUGE difference in reducing how isolated I feel.

 

If we tried to do more than a couple of times a month, it would get too busy around here... and I need some quiet time, too :D

[stripe]

Okay don't shoot the messenger but is it that some homeschoolers are weird or that weird people homeschool?

 

My husband was chatting with a man at the mall who said he's heard homeschooled kids are a bit weird but he's thinking of hsing his kids. He's apparently a ps teacher.

 

Anyway I've found many times that someone with a shared interest is not necessarily enough to sustain a relationship. I once had a lady come running up to me when I had a baby in a cloth wrap to tell me how many wraps and carriers she has; it was more like an online conversation than a real life one. I found her show offy.

Edited February 28, 2012 by stripe

[Mama Geek]

Resurrected thread by a person with 1 post.

[stripe]

Why did I miss that!?

[elegantlion]

Resurrected thread by a person with 1 post.

 

Yee-haw! I've read three resurrected threads today. One was bumped on purpose, the others I don't know, feeling a little twilight zone. :lurk5: have some popcorn, enjoy the show.