have you ever seen anyone die?

[Denisemomof4]

I don't mean being by someone's side as they succomb to an illness or something like that. I mean tragedies, accidents, etc.

 

I feel bad for my 14 yos. Yesterday we were driving half an hour away so I could go to Pier One to get a glass dragonfly. The Pier 1 we were at was out. He wasn't happy about having to do this as he was starving. I got him some food and got on the freeway. After about 10 minutes, traffic came to a sudden halt. We came upon a horrible accident. There were people getting out of their cars to help direct traffic. Unfortunately, I've been one of those people before and I know that too many people get in the way so I didn't pull over. I also knew that I had to get my girls out of there. It was bad. They were just pulling someone out of the car, which was on the side of the road in a ditch. All the windows had been blown out as it looked like the car had rolled. The tires were blown. There were marks all over the road. I was watching them pull someone out of the car, and another person was in the car, and yet another was laying on the side of the road. Then, we saw something horrifying. A young girl, likely a teen, had been thrown from the car and was laying right in the middle of the freeway. I panicked and told the girls to look away as this poor girl was right there in front of us. I had to get off the road to pass, and older dd looked terrified. I didn't see the girl, who was laying face down in a pile of blood an unconscious, but ds did. He was obviously troubled. I pray for this girl, who was taken by helicopter and no news on her condition has been released yet.

 

And I ask - why us again? I was first on the scene a few years back where I came upon a young girl, 21, laying in the middle of the highway with her motorcycle on the ground. I pulled up far enough so that the kids couldn't see her and ran to her side. I pulled down her shirt, cried for her, prayed for her, and held her hand. Although there were no visible injuries, I was certain she was going to die, and she did. I stayed with her until help came, and then I left because again, I had to get my kids out of there.

 

Yesterday's accident shook me to the core now that I have a teenage driver. And it's making me reflect on all I've witnessed in life and I can't help but wonder why I've had to witness so much.

 

When I lived in CA, I watched someone jump from a cliff to their death. I've also been on the scene of an accident before help came two other times; once with a car teetering over a cliff on the coast, and if it went off, the people would definitely NOT have made it. The look of fear on their faces was horrifying. And I remember an rv rolling and people and belongings strewn all over the place.

 

I'm just feeling a little sick about it all today. Why, in my young son's 14 years of life has he been exposed to this? Why have I been exposed to this sometimes? IS there some greater purpose in this all???

 

It's so hard to erase these images. Please pray for this girl.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Oh my... I have seen a couple of accidents and have often wondered about the victims. I say a prayer for the people involved.

 

I agree...the images are hard to erase. And asking why? Well, you were obviously meant to be the motorcyclist's last connection to Earth and God's hand in her time of need.

Sometimes bad things happen and are witnessed by innocents. Unfortunately we cannot protect our kids from all of the bad things that occur in life.

 

I would feel bad, too, though, so I understand what you are feeling.

:grouphug:

Edited April 21, 2010 by The Dragon Academy

[Love2Smile]

I think this post should have "triggers" posted on the title...

Edited April 21, 2010 by Love2Smile

[Desert Rat]

I'm so sorry you experienced those endings. My mom and I stopped for a single car accident. We preformed CPR but she died anyway. She was hurrying because she was late to work. That's the last time I hurried anywhere. I was 24. So was she. So sad. We watched her life ebb away.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Not as horrific as that. :grouphug:

 

The closest I've come is watching my grandma die. She didn't pick me up from school one day so I called my mom. We raced over there and my grandma appeared to be asleep, but we couldn't wake her. We called 911 and watched as they repeatedly worked on her. She threw up and died. Apparently she had a brain clot that burst.

 

I was on the phone with a guy I was dating when he was shot and killed. His best friend pointed a gun at him and pulled the trigger. He thought the gun was unloaded. We lived in the South and in the country so having guns was not a really a big deal to many. Many people went hunting frequently. It sounds really ghetto-ish, but it was more of a case of teenage boys not exercising responsibility. (I'm not debating whether they should have had guns, just stating the facts.) That was pretty tramatic. I didn't have to see it, though. He lived at my neighbors' house. The parents were so tramatized I had to clean it up for them, and had to be the main witness during the court case. That was hard.

 

I'll be praying for you and your children. It's awful you had to witness that. It is good such a compassionate person found that girl. She was fortunate to have you find her.

[scubamama]

Oh Denise! Oh your poor kids...and you. How awful, how awful! Lots of prayers here for you and the accident victims and your innocent kids.

Staying home would be looking REAL good as an option if I'd seen that many tragic things.

I have been present at many deaths, many of the horrifying kind. Some of the long illness kind b/c I am a nurse who's worked in the ER and ICU.When I recall all that I've been a witness to it makes my hair curl. It never gets easier. I always kept extra contacts in my locker b/c I would cry out a pair after something would break my heart again.

Praying that the Lord will give extra tenderness to your family today.

 

Michele

8yo ds 5 yo dd 2.5yo dd

[ChristusG]

I hate seeing horrible car accidents. One day I was driving down the road and saw some cars pulled to the side in an obvious accident. Nothing was flipped over or anything but a few people were standing around, obviously shaken and crying. Then I saw it......feet protruding through the front windshield. That image has been burned in my mind for years. I had to pull over, my heart began racing and I felt sick to my stomach. I hate seeing stuff like that.

[BikeBookBread]

When I was in 1st grade, I saw a small plane crash. I can see it as plain as day in my mind: it was falling from the south towards the north with flames coming out of the back (I assume its engine was on fire); it crossed over I-90 at Eastgate in Bellevue, Washington, apparently trying to head for the small airport that used to be in Eastgate, as we were driving eastbound on I-90, just at the interchange with I-405 going past Factoria (when the mall was still a drive-in movie theater). I remember hearing the on the news that everyone on board died. I didn't see the crash, but that memory is seared into my brain. Strangely, my parents don't remember it at all.

 

I also remember seeing a horrible fiery car crash on I-405 at the S-curves (before they were "fixed" :glare:) in Renton. We could see the flames from a way back while the traffic was stuck. By the time we got to the accident, the flames were out, but I remember seeing a body covered with a blanket on the roadway. I was 6 or 7 that time, too.

 

Last summer, we saw a car accident here in The Desert at the intersection of two major roads in-town, and there is NO WAY anyone could have survived. No airbag in the older car, and, well.... traffic was stopped, and we could see the stretcher being loaded into the ambulance covered from head to toe.

[TravelingChris]

My family went on a long vacation (and for my dh, start of a school) in late Aug to Sept. 2001. WHile we were driving from NM to DC, in Louisiana, a car veered off the elevated highway and fortunately, went to one off the few stretches that actually had land on it. His car stopped at the trees. I used the binoculars to see the mile marker and called in rescue. We had stopped and dh and ds went to the scene. The man was badly hurt. Several paramedics who just happened to be driving by stopped and wanted to render aid but had no large bandages. My ds had recently prepared a large first aid box as part of a BSA requirement and we gave them a large bandage.

 

THen in September, we dropped off my dh at the Fort and got on I95 to go to the Mall and visit the museums. We didn't get there. We had the radio on, heard about NY, saw the plane, and then saw the black smoke. We weren't at a point where we could see what was hit and it took a minute or two for the radio to announce it but we all knew that plane was gone and people on the ground were dead. We got back to the Fort before it closed and watched the towers fall down.

THen my kids had plenty of other experiences with terrorism. Going to Madrid about a month after their bombings. Getting our weekend trip to London cancelled because of its bombings. Having a Turkish port have a tourist bus bombed a week before our cruise went there.

 

I am so sorry for your son. I will pray for him.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[FaithManor]

My mom and I both held a young lady's hands that was dying despite our best efforts at first aid. We came on the accident seconds after it happened. Paramedics arrived very, very shortly thereafter but there was nothing that could be done. We live in a rural area and it took 15 minutes for the helicopter to arrive and find a place to land. She bled out from massive internal injuries. The efforts of the paramedics were literally heroic but there just wasn't anything that could be done. She had crush syndrome which is generally untreatable.

 

Mom and I had a hard time sleeping for several days. It took a while but we did come around.

 

DD is learning that this is something that she has to steel herself against and get used to i.e. "desensitize". I know that sounds harsh but she has to get that emotional element under control so that she will be able to routinely face this stuff and get her job done. We do a lot of praying.

 

I am so sorry you had to see this. I'll be praying for your family and particularly ds. Just let him know that it does get better but it does take time.

 

Faith

[Nakia]

I am so sorry, Denise. I hate that your child had to see that. I know your heart hurts for him.

 

 

Warning: sensitive subject matter below

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I saw an accident several weeks ago that will forever be in my mind. A gentleman on a motorcycle, who was thought to be going around 80-90mph hit the cement median, and his body was thrown into a metal sign and then into the road. His motorcycle kept going for about a mile, but that poor man's body was, literally, in pieces all over the road. And I saw that. I pulled over, threw up and then had a full blown panic attack. It was awful. I am still recovering from it. And I have thanked God so many times that my children were not with me.

 

I will pray for your sweet family Denise. :grouphug:

[mysticamethyst]

I gave cpr to a 2 yo that had drown in her home pool. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. When I was younger I saw a teen fall from the top of some highschool bleachers, he was a mess, not sure if he died though. I hope that you and your son can talk to each other about it and work through the feelings together, it will help you both.:grouphug::grouphug:

[helena]

I'm just feeling a little sick about it all today. Why, in my young son's 14 years of life has he been exposed to this? Why have I been exposed to this sometimes? IS there some greater purpose in this all???

It's so hard to erase these images. Please pray for this girl.

:grouphug:

I think I understand where you're coming from. There have been times in life where I felt like a death magnet. I've seen things that my brain still can't comprehend. I've also asked "Why have I been exposed to these things?", it's something I don't expect to get an answer for..

The damage is done.

A lot of what I saw was gang or drug related, so in that way I can make sense of it. But even with that, like you said, it's hard to erase those images. I've had to make peace with the fact that violent and dangerous events have turned me into someone who operates on survival mode. I have an exit strategy for any place I enter, and I always try to avoid putting my children in a position where things could "go wrong".

 

I tell myself how lucky we are that we live somewhere that our children live where people aren't dead on the streets. In my traveling I've seen death just casually out and about.. for a lot of people seeing a dead body waiting to get picked up is not all that uncommon.

 

I'm always a little surprised when someone has lived their whole life never experiencing death in any other way than old age or illness/hospital deaths.

I don't think most people have that luxury though. I think a lot of people have seen something like this, which they wish they could forget.

I've found life to be a dizzying combination of gentle and brutal. It is what it is, whether it's random or if we were supposed to learn something from it.

 

I just keep telling myself that death is not a punishment, and yes some will go much more violently than others. But it's never because life, or God, or the earth is hateful.

 

I'm not sure if I've made any sense here, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. There are a lot of people asking themselves these same question everyday all over the world.

:grouphug:

[KristenS]

Not witnessed what some of you have seen, but was present when my father succumbed to an unexpected heart attack, while home recovering from open heart surgery that was supposed to cure him. So mom and I were trying CPR, waiting on the ambulance, etc. That was traumatic enough.

 

I do have a friend who witnessed a car accident involving a driver and a pedestrian ... causes her problems to this day, especially as she was hassled by lawyers from both sides as a witness. (It was an accident but of course no one wants to accept that when they've lost someone.)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think I was about 14 (perhaps a year older) when I saw a dead body. I was swimming in the ocean when I saw a turtle- I thought. But it was a fuzzy turtle and it took me a moment before I realized that it was a person's head. I swam in and told the life guard. They brought the person up but they were obviously long gone. Later we heard that a local man had gone missing the night before after a night at the local bar. They figured he fell off the cliff path in the dark while trying to go home drunk.

 

Give him some time to process stuff on his own, but also be there for him if he wants to talk about it. Sometimes it really does help to talk.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have friends who are EMTs and they say there are some scenes that never ever leave your head.

 

I have never seen a person pass at all.

 

If I were you, I would seriously consider attaining my EMT. That would be like the universe telling me that I was meant to help in some way. Or an ER nurse--something along those lines.

[Heather in Neverland]

When I was in college I worked in a hospital in the cardiology department mostly doing EKGs all day long all over the hospital. Late one a 45yo man was brought in having chest pains. He was in full blown cardiac arrest. I hooked my EKG machine to his chest while the doctors did thier thing and I watched his heartbeat stop on my screen.

 

I was frozen in place staring at it.

 

A little bit later I walked by the room where the doctor was telling the man's wife and young children that the father was dead. I watched them scream.cry. fall to their knees.

 

I quit the next day.

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[farmmom4him]

There are post traumatic stress debriefing groups for this issue. Typically it is emergency workers who attend, but I would contact your local EMS and see if they have any information or recommendations. I have attended PTSD sessions after accidents, and they are extremely helpful. I would bet there will be one for that accident. Praying for all involved. :grouphug:

[babysparkler]

When I was 8 I answered the front door... running in was my dad's friend who had just slit both of his wrists... I'll spare the details. I stood in horror and my mom quickly came to the door and helped. I was truly stunned, so I don't really remember much between the initial event and my mom cleaning up the blood after the event, but I know that an ambulance came for him. He survived this, but then about 2 years later I watched as he successfully took his life by climbing up an electrical tower, being electrocuted and falling over 50 feet to the ground. This man was pretty messed up, and I am shocked to this day that my parents allowed me to be around him.

[MariannNOVA]

There are post traumatic stress debriefing groups for this issue. Typically it is emergency workers who attend, but I would contact your local EMS and see if they have any information or recommendations. I have attended PTSD sessions after accidents, and they are extremely helpful. I would bet there will be one for that accident. Praying for all involved. :grouphug:

 

Praying for you and your family, and yes, your children may want to speak with someone about what they saw.

 

When my DD31 was 11, she was visiting with my mom and dad, and she and my dad were going out to meet my mom for lunch. dd came out of the bathroom from brushing her hair, etc, and my dad had collapsed and was lying on the floor. She had the presence of mind to call 911, give them the details, and stay on the line. She also began CPR as she had learned it at camp (but was to small to compress my dad's chest). Help arrived, my dad was in a coma for four days, and then he passed away.

 

DD did attend sessions that were recommended to us by the EMTs who responded that day.

[Laurie4b]

This sounds really weird, but I just read last night a study that said playing Tetris within like 6 or 8 hours of a traumatic event kept the emotional memories from being laid down as strongly as they otherwise would be. Something about it activating the same part of the brain and kind of redirecting the brain's attention.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7813637.stm

 

 

Writing about a traumatic incident every day for several days will also significantly lower the traumatic impact.

[Denisemomof4]

I also had to run through the house MANY times looking for dad's nitroglycerine tablets as he clutched his chest and gasped for air. He had his first heart attack at age 27 and I remember him waving to me from the hospital window.

 

I also remember hearing a noise outside as a teen, went to the front of the house, opened the front door and saw nothing but blood and two eyes peeking out. I screamed bloody murder and apparently the kid kept inquiring about me in the ER all night. He broke his neck but the large gash in his head is what caused me to see so much blood. That was the least of his worries! But all night long he kept asking, "Why did that girl scream like that?" while in traction. This was over 30 years ago. When he was strong enough to walk, he came to see me to see if I was ok. He was only 2 years older than me but crashed his motorcycle right in front of my house. He broke his neck but was concerned about me.

 

I dated his GORGEOUS friend for 1.5 years after that. :tongue_smilie:

[MariannNOVA]

I also had to run through the house MANY times looking for dad's nitroglycerine tablets as he clutched his chest and gasped for air. He had his first heart attack at age 27 and I remember him waving to me from the hospital window.

 

I also remember hearing a noise outside as a teen, went to the front of the house, opened the front door and saw nothing but blood and two eyes peeking out. I screamed bloody murder and apparently the kid kept inquiring about me in the ER all night. He broke his neck but the large gash in his head is what caused me to see so much blood. That was the least of his worries! But all night long he kept asking, "Why did that girl scream like that?" while in traction. This was over 30 years ago. When he was strong enough to walk, he came to see me to see if I was ok. He was only 2 years older than me but crashed his motorcycle right in front of my house. He broke his neck but was concerned about me.

 

I dated his GORGEOUS friend for 1.5 years after that. :tongue_smilie:

 

The things that stay with us are so interesting, aren't they?

[kalanamak]

My mom and I both held a young lady's hands that was dying despite our best efforts at first aid.

 

 

I held the hand of a man who'd been hit by a car. I told a slight fib and said "you look like my father" and from that point on he did nothing by look right in my eyes as a purple lump grew huge on his chest, and then he died. It was chaos around him, and it was pretty obviously hopeless, so I said that and just looked him right in the eye back.

[cjbeach]

I've seen many, many different deaths but for me the worst deaths were those where the person was in pain. I'm a hospice nurse and quite honestly, not all hospice deaths are peaceful. Some of the hospice deaths I've attended have been quite nasty, but hands down the worst were the ones where you could do nothing to alleviate physical pain in those last few moments.

Even in an expected passing with a whole lot of love in the room as the person passes from this life, some people present at the death still leave that moment with PTSD-y issues. It's not uncommon to hear families talk about not being able to close their eyes before going to sleep because they see the face of their loved one in pain or hooked up to a machine, etc....

For me personally the night my mom passed was horrible. She was home on hospice and I sat with her all night praying for God to please take her. As I suctioned her trach for the last time of pure frank blood I cried and begged God to take her home. I was a walking PTSD case for months after.

I'm sorry you had to witness what you did. Many hugs from me. :grouphug:

[Tree House Academy]

Praise God, I have not. I have come upon accidents where the people in the cars died...but I did not witness their deaths or see their bodies.

 

My mom, when she was about my age, was driving over the mountain in the area where I was raised. They were doing some sort of construction work on the sholder of the road. As she passed, she saw a man sitting on the ground, crying. There were people surrounding him. As she crept slowly on, she saw a steam roller parked and blood on the ground. Behind the steam roller was a man, dead, with his legs crushed beneath the machine. When the story broke, the driver of the steamroller had been best friends with the man who died. He was behind him, not paying attention and the man killed him. It happened in an instant and is something that I am sure the driver would have given his life to change. :( My mom will never forget the image, and I will never forget the story.

 

My cousin, a teenager, was the driver of a car last year that crashed and killed her best friend. Her best friend was not wearing a seat belt and she was thrown from the car. It was so tragic.

 

My grandfather died in his bathroom - 6 days after my grandmother died. He had a massive heart attack and fell into a heater as he was getting into the shower. Two days later, my dad climbed through a window and found him. He was dead and badly burned on one side.

 

My husband lost his dad when he was only 21. He and his dad were closer than two people could ever be...the best of friends. His dad had a heart attack a year before he died and was having heart symptoms that evening that sent him to the hospital. They did an EKG and saw nothing, but wanted to keep him given his history. He signed himself out AMA and went him. My dh was watching A Very Brady Christmas on TV when he heard his mom scream. He ran to the bedroom and did CPR on his dad, but it was too late. The ambulance came and my dh had to ride in the back while his mother stayed behind and found someone to care for her mother (who lived with them due to alzheimers). When the doctor came and told my dh that his dad was gone, he was alone in the room...alone at the hospital, and his dad, literally, died in his arms. I was only 11 the (dh and I are 10 years apart), but hearing him tell me the story has stuck with me so vividly all these years. I can't.even.imagine.

Edited April 22, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Denisemomof4]

I held the hand of a man who'd been hit by a car. I told a slight fib and said "you look like my father" and from that point on he did nothing by look right in my eyes as a purple lump grew huge on his chest, and then he died. It was chaos around him, and it was pretty obviously hopeless, so I said that and just looked him right in the eye back.

 

what a blessing you were to him.

:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I've seen many, many different deaths but for me the worst deaths were those where the person was in pain. I'm a hospice nurse and quite honestly, not all hospice deaths are peaceful. Some of the hospice deaths I've attended have been quite nasty, but hands down the worst were the ones where you could do nothing to alleviate physical pain in those last few moments.

Even in an expected passing with a whole lot of love in the room as the person passes from this life, some people present at the death still leave that moment with PTSD-y issues. It's not uncommon to hear families talk about not being able to close their eyes before going to sleep because they see the face of their loved one in pain or hooked up to a machine, etc....

For me personally the night my mom passed was horrible. She was home on hospice and I sat with her all night praying for God to please take her. As I suctioned her trach for the last time of pure frank blood I cried and begged God to take her home. I was a walking PTSD case for months after.

I'm sorry you had to witness what you did. Many hugs from me. :grouphug:

 

watching my mother suffer in her final days had me suffering from PTSD for many months, too. I just went off my anxiety medication in the past couple of months. (she died in July) the WORST thing about that was when she almost choked to death in front of me and my kids. She was too weak to swallow her own saliva and choked on it. I did give her the drops the Hospice kit gave me to dry them, but she still choked. She barely had the strength to choke, too! She turned blue and I was in TOTAL hysterics. I cried uncontrollably for days because I made a promise to her that I would take care of her and when this happened, I felt like I had failed her. I couldn't shake this for months.

 

I have peace about everything now, but still question why she had to linger so long.

[Cindy in C-ville]

Oh, Denise, all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I agree with the poster who said to look into getting a safe place to process it all.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Why did I read this thread? Why?? I'm facing a sleepless night now. But I couldnt stop.

I'm a survivor of a school massacre. I've seen enough, yet remain fascinated. Post traumatic stress syndrome kicked in again. I've learned to recognise it, but I can't control it. It's been 20 years, and still... it keeps on hurting.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why did I read this thread? Why?? I'm facing a sleepless night now. But I couldnt stop.

I'm a survivor of a school massacre. I've seen enough, yet remain fascinated. Post traumatic stress syndrome kicked in again. I've learned to recognise it, but I can't control it. It's been 20 years, and still... it keeps on hurting.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry, Cleo. My PTSD kicks in with other things (like watching Law and Order, SVU) but I know how hard it is.