Anyone else experience *envy* from others, not criticism?

[Catherine]

So many of you have had negative experiences with family and friend disapproval I'm reluctant to say this, but I'm curious! This has happened often enough that I've had friends, whose children openly expressed envy of mine for being homeschooled, actually avoid the topic when kids are present, or quickly change the subject if it comes up. Everyone from kindergarteners to high schoolers. And my homeschool is NOT "the fun kind" that I know my boys wish it was-we don't do nearly enough field trips, delight-driven rabbit trails, or days off as I'd like, in my ideal homeschool.

 

Last summer my 8 yo's little friend, a girl, asked me if I would homeschool her so she wouldn't have to go to school (mom quickly changed the subject). It's happened just like that 3 or 4 times-so I avoid the topic when children are around. Anyone else?

[Rebecca VA]

Yes! I've had very little disapproval from other people about homeschooling. It's so mainstream nowadays. Most public school kids would give anything to be homeschooled -- they want that extra attention from parents and the chance to be in their own homes all day. I do think some of the neighbor girls are a little envious of our homeschooling situation, but they aren't hateful about it, just wistful.

[lionfamily1999]

I've had other adults ask me if I would hs their children. I told them it was illegal, but I'd be glad to help them do it :p We school year round (and do LOTS that the local ps doesn't do at all), so the kids tend to fell sorry for my ds, but the adults can get a little envious.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

kids and adults are envious here too, but I also get criticisms.

 

At least not from the same persons ;-)

[Perry]

Yes, many of my kids' friends have said they wished they could homeschool. Several of the parents have told me they wished they could do it, but they just didn't feel capable.

 

Criticism has been very rare, but I've had a few comments...

[Amber in AUS]

Hehehe, my niece and nephew told their Mum they should homeschool too. She is very disapproving and works but they are 14 and 16 and can see how unreal the education my kids are getting is, compared to their own. They are so jealous!

[JEJE]

I actually have started to get a lot of positive and envious comments :) My oldest dd wasn't too keen on homeschooling until she started to get the "You're *so* lucky" comments from her friends!

[Desert Rat]

I've gotten a mixed bag. Recently, a lady I had been chatting with at taekwondo mentioned she'd love to hs but didn't think she could. I asked her why. After explaining to me that she butts heads with her son, I asked if I could give her a printout with information I'd compiled about hsing. She agreed. She now successfully homeschools her son and is loving it! It made me feel good that her envy for my situation turned into a positive for her own.

I do still get criticisms but that one lady has out weighed all the Nasty Nellies.

BTW, I think the reason my SIL doesn't speak to us is mostly envy. I'm sure it's not the only reason but it's the biggie.

[littlebug42]

I actually find that I get more positive than negative comments. I was shocked at my Dad's funeral when my 85 year old aunt said to me, "You homeschool them, don't ya honey"? I was bracing myself for what would come next but she said, "Good for you. They are beautiful!". I was floored. I just did not expect it from her.

 

I really thought in the beginning that my in-laws would not approve but my MIL has been great (my FIL passed away before we really got started). My MIL now tells me that I should homeschool her nieces because I do a great job with my girls. I am very blessed.

 

ETA: I was recently asked by the 11 year old daughter of a friend of mine if I would homeschool her. Her mother is against homeschooling (never says anything negative to me but she has no interest in it for herself). I had to smile and nod and keep my mouth shut because I think it would be the really good for the child but I know the parents have no interest.

Edited March 24, 2010 by littlebug42
More to say

[FO4UR]

I have.

 

I had a conversation just a few days ago, and a fully capable, college graduate of a FANTASTIC Mommy told me she couldn't teach like I can. I did my best to communicate that YES SHE CAN - if she wants to. There isn't anything extra-special about it...aside from the sheer determination to make it work on the bad days.

[Crimson Wife]

Yes, I run into this a fair amount. Mostly it's stemming from moms who are employed full-time out of financial necessity but wish they didn't have to be. I can really sympathize because I was in a similar situation when my oldest was a toddler.

[MamaMamaMama!!]

I get a lot of hero comments. Like "I couldnt do that" or "Im not pateint enough" type things. I dont know if that is envy or not. One of my friends has older children and she says she wishes she had thought of hsing way back when and that she is envious of the time I get with my children.. But she likes MY children. Especially the younger ones. :D

[MamaMamaMama!!]

I forgot to say that the funny thing is.. I dont find hsing all that difficult. Of course there are learning curves and times when it gets difficult but not horrible hard to do (at this age) and Im not a fun mom either! We are a scheduled learn your stuff type hs. I guess MFW is sorta fun but that's not why we do it. Anyway we arent laid back or relaxed and I still dont find it hard!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've found that envy can turn into a criticism of sorts. I've actually had people say to me, "You make me sick" because they were envious of my kids' good behavior and love of learning. It's really hard to know how to respond to that comment. . .

[MariannNOVA]

I've found that envy can turn into a criticism of sorts. I've actually had people say to me, "You make me sick" because they were envious of my kids' good behavior and love of learning. It's really hard to know how to respond to that comment. . .

 

Yes, I've experienced that. Mostly, here, truthfully, the moms I bump into think I have lost my mind --when the word got out that we would be continuing into the next school year, the general reaction was one of disbelief -- as in 'why would you do that when you could just send them to school?'

[orangearrow]

Yes, and it's altered several old friendships in a negative way & it makes me crazy uncomfortable.

 

But, most of the comments (shoot - in the past year, I would say ALL) we receive are extremely positive and complementary. The older my kids get, the more common the positive comments happen. When they were younger, I guess maybe people thought I needed to be "set right" and felt the need to interject their unasked opinion into the conversation. Now that we've been homeschooling over 5 years and I no longer have toddlers ... people seem to be impressed that we've been homeschooling for "so long" and have no intentions to stop ... and impressed that my kids aren't the Social Misfits they always hear homeschooled kids are supposed to be. ;)

[cathmom]

I had someone at my high school reunion tell me she was going to send her dc to me to homeschool (we live several states apart) and then she told me her horror story about getting services for her special needs child through the public school.

 

I have gotten comments like others have mentioned (I couldn't do it, I don't have enough patience, etc) through the years too.

[LibraryLover]

I am not sure I am envied, but i never get criticized. We just try to live our regular lives, and I think people understand us. My kids are bright and decent and people let us live our lives.

Edited March 25, 2010 by LibraryLover

[OnTheBrink]

I've found that envy can turn into a criticism of sorts. I've actually had people say to me, "You make me sick" because they were envious of my kids' good behavior and love of learning. It's really hard to know how to respond to that comment. . .

 

You should hand them a barf bag. :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:lol: Hmm. Should I stock some in my purse? Fortunately most people aren't like that.

 

Like others have said, I've had a few wistful comments from children while the moms try to shush them quickly. The moms just aren't interested, which is fine. But I wish they would listen to their kids if they are so unhappy.

[JWSJ]

The vast majority of comments have been very positive and supportive.

 

I once received, "Why do you want to be around your kids so much?"

 

Twice I've received, "So... they're going back to school next year?"

 

A few times we've receive no comment at all, but their opinion was obvious.

 

My kids love telling people they're homeschooled. They receive the majority of the envy from kids and parents.

[tex-mex]

I've had other adults ask me if I would hs their children. I told them it was illegal, but I'd be glad to help them do it :p

 

I've had this happen to me a few times by close friends -- and in each situation -- I (inwardly) cringed to think of homeschooling their out of control children and quickly changed the subject. ;) I even had one young married couple declare out loud to everyone I would be homeschooling their (future) children. I didn't say anything right then... but inside I was like, "say w-h-a-t??" :lol:

 

Homeschooling other people's kids just doesn't sound appealing... and if they are that interested... heck, homeschool your own kid. It is a fantastic experience and worth the sacrifice. I'd be delighted to cheer you on and give advice. But that's about it. LOL

Edited March 25, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

I've found that envy can turn into a criticism of sorts. I've actually had people say to me, "You make me sick" because they were envious of my kids' good behavior and love of learning. It's really hard to know how to respond to that comment. . .

:iagree:

[delaney]

My neighbor who hates me will add this to her list of things that she envies about me I'm sure. She hates the fact that I am here for my kids, we are very active in their lives, that I have all the friends in the neighborhood who don't want to be friends with her, and now I am giving my kids a better education. Her kids are both LD with other issues, home alone for hours every afternoon and all summer, and they do very little with them. It is so sad. Those kids need homework help more than most and just don't get it when no one is home until at least 6:30-7 most nights.

[plansrme]

I have always worked part-time outside the home and had a series of wonderful, long-term nannies who, as they passed into regular jobs, marriage and motherhood, have morphed into family friends. The two who have children are both going to homeschool their own children because of their experience with my kids.

 

Being around my kids day in and day out, and around other kids day in and day out, is what convinced them, and I take it as the highest compliment that they saw that my children are different (not perfect, just different!) and want that for their own families.

 

Terri

[Catherine]

Thanks for posting this. It really is inspiring to hear your story!

[Halftime Hope]

Yes, I have gotten envious remarks. I have come to realize just how privileged I am to have been able to stay home and make this journey with my kids. While there are many folks who choose not to stay home when they really could if they were willing to make the sacrifices in lifestyle, there are just as many who couldn't stay home. They have to work. They still might be able to find a way to homeschool if very highly motivated, but it would be pretty difficult, and I'm not sure most students can homeschool well without a responsbile parent present--jmho.

 

Because of the envy factor, one of the IRL groups that I should be closest to has no idea, no clue what is going on with my daughter who goes to college next year. I don't think I dare share with them the level of success and monetary rewards that are coming her way because of 1) God's blessing (*all* good things come from the Father), 2) our investment in her education (time and money; no plush retirement for us!), and 3) because of her unusually persistent diligence. It's really sad that she can't "woo-hoo" on her face book with these friends because the repeated causes for cheering would be perceived as unseemly or even bragadocious. Sigh!

Edited March 25, 2010 by Valerie(TX)

[johnandtinagilbert]

Moreso in the last 5 years or so. Home schooling is at least a recognizable option to today's parents, so many people, who actually get to know my children do express envy...which is usually followed by their own lack of confidence in personal ability.

 

What still confounds me, "My dc's school is terrible. They _________. I could never home school, though."

 

I don't get that. If you know their school is So Terrible, then why not get them out?!?!?!?!

 

Don't get it!

 

I get a TON of askers and I end up mentoring a great many first time home schoolers :)

[Peela]

Oh yes, I get a lot of envy. Some mothers are envious at my lifestyle and my relationship with my kids. But most people just dont consider it a viable option for their lives. It's not as common in Australia as the U.S.

[applesing]

Several of my children's friends have asked their parents to be homeschooled. When the mom says "no," our little friends say "Well, _____ (my kids) get to do it!" :)

 

I know several people who admire our journey and all that we are accomplishing, but they do not feel confident enough to take that leap of faith and try it for themselves. It makes me sad, really, when I hear the stories of all of the bad things that their kids are experiencing at the public schools.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Homeschooling other people's kids just doesn't sound appealing... and if they are that interested... heck, homeschool your own kid. It is a fantastic experience and worth the sacrifice. I'd be delighted to cheer you on and give advice. But that's about it. LOL

 

Homeschooling kids that I don't get to fully parent sounds too much like some spin off of Wife Swap. I think it is hard enough for folks like step parents and foster parents to handle (when they have that option).