s/o How rules around food in childhood impact us as adults

[MelanieM]

I'm wondering how parental control over our food as children transfers to our relationship with food as adults. Please vote in the poll and jump in with your thoughts on the subject.

[SonshineLearner]

I wasn't made to eat anything... except for liver a few times. Really... I can't remember anything negative about eating... Yum to butter on Nabisco crackers... and other such yummies... along with other yummy homemade meals... Chx and dumplings, hamburger pot pie... ( I hate hamburger now, but still this is an incredible yummy memory) Chx pot pie, spaghetti.... tacos to die for. (My mom's version... hamburger, sour cream, olives, tomatoes...., cheese.... on and on.. yum!!)

;)

[LauraGB]

I voted other. I was forced to clean my plate, even if it took several hours of sitting there. Even though meat was my main objection and I'm a vegetarian now, I'm still not certain that it was the reason. I think the food thing growing up, for me, was about control, and I'm stubborn. So, I think on my end of things it was more psychological combat.

 

I eat a lot :). I love food. But in a good way.

 

I did try the "make them sit there and eat it" thing with my dc. It didn't feel right, but some days it felt better than feeling like they were going to starve. Thank goodness they are now old enough to make the decision for themselves. However, it turns out they'll eat it if the alternative is expending the effort to make their own dinner.

[patchfire]

I was not made to eat anything, which was good - I am one of those super-tasters and that could have gotten ugly! I am good about trying new things now, as an adult, and I don't think I would be if I had been forced to eat things as a child.

 

My mom, however, was always concerned about weight. I was a skinny child but she was worried that I'd end up with a weight problem sometime after puberty. So most sweets were rationed out. The result is that I now feel like I need to gorge on sweets when they are available. I don't think it's just because I was restricted to only two oreos per day or whatever, but I do think it set me up with the attitude of 'eat as much as you can while no one is looking.' Surprise, surprise, that kind of eating did lead to weight issues, as soon as I left home.

[calandalsmom]

My parents were fairly gentle but the "clean plate club" was an ongoing theme and I cant leave food on my plate to this day. If Im full I stuff it down. Im only slightly overweight but its enough.

[Parrothead]

I have to go with other because I simply do not know if our issues are valid issues. I remember being told not to leave the table until the tomato soup or the beef liver and onions was gone. I got good at giving it to the dog under the table. Eventually mom realized we (db and I) were never going to eat these two things.

 

Everything else that was put in front of us was eaten. We don't grow picky eaters in my family. There were the inevitable bombs that my mom tried which none of us ate. On nights that brussel sprout and sardine casserole showed up the entire family ate sandwiches, wondered where the experiment went wrong and vowed to never mix those ingredients again. But all this happened in my teen years since Daddy did not learn to eat veggie until that late in my life.

 

For the most part there were no eating issues in childhood and no issues with food now. We eat what we like and are not members of the clean plate club. Dh hates brussel sprouts, I still won't eat tomato soup or liver, and dd is still learning to eat eggs. Other than those, food is good.

[LisaKinVA]

We were forced to eat whatever it was, whatever amount was handed us. If you didn't like Mayo, but Mayo was used on the sandwiches... tough.

 

Food burned? Oh well -- it's what we're having.

 

Moldy? It's not bad... just cut off the moldy part.

 

No such thing as a "bad" banana, or freezer burn.

 

And the worst memory from my childhood? My baby brother somehow got a jar of apple butter and "spooned" it into a jug of milk. We (my older brothers and I) had to drink the Apple Butter Milk, use it on our cereal, etc. until it was gone, even if it went "sour" first.

 

To this day I will not touch Apple Butter. :tongue_smilie:

 

There are worse examples. But yes, I have HUGE issues with food, left-overs and what to do with "old" food.

 

My dad? Yeah, he's the guy who went dumpster diving in MY trash can for the slimy broccoli and proceeded to cook it AND then eat it.:001_huh:

[gandpsmommy]

For the most part, I was given freedom to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I mean, I was expected to eat the meal that we were having at dinner, but I was never forced to eat anything that I didn't want to, or to clean my plate. I wasn't a picky eater, so I can't really ever remember being served a meal that I refused to eat, but I also remember my mom always saying that if we didn't want what she had cooked, we could just have a peanut butter sandwich.

 

We were never restricted as to what kind or how many snacks we were allowed to have in between meals.

 

I think all of this could have set me up to be a very healthy eater and to have a very healthy attitude toward food, if my parents had stocked our house with healthy foods. Unfortunately they did not. Instead I had unlimited access to all manner of junk food: candy, snack cakes, sugary cereals, pop, pastries, ice cream, etc.

 

So, I became addicted to sugar. In fact, I still am. I struggle every day of my life with the urge to overeat, eat sugary foods, use food to soothe emotions or quell boredom or diminish stress.

[Crimson Wife]

My family had this weird unspoken rule that it was rude to take the last portion of anything. If you wanted the last portion, you had to offer it to everyone else first. That's normal, but it went further in my family than I've seen in any other. Even if nobody said they wanted some, you would always only take half and leave the other half sitting there.

 

Somehow this rule got twisted in my brain and results in my feeling "full" with one bite left on my plate. I know it's purely psychological but I seriously cannot make myself eat that last bite. :tongue_smilie:

[joannqn]

I still remember a very specific meal in which I was given a large (3"x3"?) piece of cornbread, which I hated, and forced to eat it. I gagged on cornbread then, and I continued to gag on cornbread into adulthood. I can now manage a few small bites of cornbread before gagging on it.

 

I can picture the cabinets we had in high school. They always had processed treats in them...ding dongs, twinkies, zingers, cookies, etc...that I could eat whenever I wanted. And yes, I have a sweet tooth and a weight problem to this day. I try to be somewhere in the middle with my kids. We have treats or dessert nearly every day but not unlimited amounts all the time.

[gingersmom]

I was forced to eat meat 5 days a week. I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years.

 

The smell of lambchops makes me physically ill.

 

I still hate hotdogs and baked beans. I have not eaten flounder or filet of sole in over 25 years.

 

Carrots out of a jar and then heated are still disgusting. So are canned peas and most canned vegetables.

 

My children have no food hangups! Then again I have been known to make 3 different dinners (most nights).

[ChristusG]

DH was made to clean his plate at mealtime. He still feels the need to do that now, even if he is full, and he has weight problems.

[HRAAB]

I had freedom to eat or not eat. Since my parents did the shopping, this was based on what they bought, so it's not accurate to say there weren't any controls. If mom put something on the table I didn't want or like, I didn't have to eat it. Also, the kitchen was open and I could snacks or such as I wanted. Today I don't have any food issues whatsoever. I eat healthy. I have a good relationship with food. Now, are the two (how I was raised and how I am today) related? Perhaps. There's no way for me to know.

Edited March 11, 2010 by Ishki
typo

[Lucy in Australia]

This is an interesting thread. I grew up as a "missionary kid". We spent a lot of time in each others houses, and had lots of meals together. Each family came from a different country & culture. The food was wildly varied. We were all expected to eat what was offered to us without a fuss. For some reason, this worked. I don't remember one single child with food issues, and I don't remember any parent making a big fuss or forcing anyone to eat. We just did - maybe because we were with our friends, and because that was normal food for them, we accepted it. To this day I have no food issues and I am the most adventurous when it comes to trying new foods in our circle of friends.

[Lawana]

As a child, we had to eat whatever was served. "No, thank you," was not an option, even if we had preferred to go hungry. Fortunately, I was able to choke down whatever was served, but I still remember db sitting for hours at the table, until he could consume his scrambled eggs, which made him gag. I still have memories of the dinner my mother served when she was short on everything: white rice, a canned vegetable, and rubber cheese sticks as the protein. Yuck! Yuck!! I still can't believe she considered that an adequate dinner.

Once I had freedom to choose as an adult, I found myself limiting my diet considerably. I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch, every day. Fortunately, they are healthy meals: Oatmeal with flax seed, cinnamon, walnuts and a Granny Smith apple for breakfast. 8 oz. of Romaine lettuce with a whole green pepper, two Roma tomatoes, 3/4 c of beans, walnuts and an orange for lunch.

[chaik76]

I voted other. I"m not really sure how to answer. I guess I don't really have food issues (unless you count the fact that I drink way too much diet coke).

 

I think one of the main issues was that while my Nana never made us clear our plates, Pop did. BUT, Nana would never listen to how much food we wanted, and would put extra on even when we said no. So we often ended up eating more than we wanted to. We were allowed to not eat something we totally hated, but things we just disliked we had to eat. So I was exempt from liver, onions, green peppers, and brussels sprouts.

 

I can overeat. Especially certain junk...like chips. But mostly that is because I am almost always voraciously hungry and I absolutely detest cooking...I like things to be already ready...I don't even like having to put things in the toaster!

 

So if there is healthy food, I will snack on that instead.

 

Hmm...I'm sure I could come up with a couple of food issues. I do know that we do food very differently than my family did. You don't have to clean your plate and we put out very small portions...you can ask for more if you're still hungry. I like if everyone tries a bite of a food they've never had or a bite of food they've previously disliked...but I don't make them finish the rest. If you don't finish your dinner it goes into the fridge and you eat it for your snack (the stuff you didn't like doesn't qualify...you still don't have to eat it...and if you're still hungry after finishing it, you can have a regular snack). I have one picky kid, and one non-picky kid. The picky kid has sensory problems...most foods he dislikes have more to do with texture than anything else. I'm intensely picky, and that played into what I was required to eat when I was young, but no one was horrible about it.

 

I really think that the way we were raised with food was relatively healthy.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I was extremely picky as a child. I remember that once in a while I was forced to taste something. If I didn't like the main food,it didn't matter. We always had chocolate something for dessert.

 

Now I have no issue whatsoever. I don't even need dessert. I'm quite adventurous and willing to try almost anything. I did develop a food allergy in my 20's, and that's my only limitation. (oh and green peppers, uncooked ones still make me gag. It's the smell)

Edited March 11, 2010 by CleoQc

[JoyfulMama]

My mom grew up with the clean plate club, but didn't get us membership cards. She tried hard to tailor meals to our tastes and occasionally offer us new things. Snacks were regular, but we didn't have a cabinet full, so it was a small selection of cookies, chips, pretzels.

When I was in high school I traded teams and became a vegetarian. Although my mom didn't understand, she was very supportive, and sat down with me to figure out what changes I needed to make in order to maintain a balanced diet. She encouraged me to be in charge of the food I eat.

This is one area that I think my mom did wonderfully in. I know food was a struggle for her, and still is. She tried hard not to put any of that on us, and I think she did a great job.

[Melinda in VT]

I remember the pot of stew used to last for days. And elk meat is tough for a little kid to chew. But I don't really have any bad memories of food from when I was growing up.

 

Now, my parents didn't keep junk in the house. And that led to a bit of over-indulging when I was first married. We went a bit crazy with the sugared cereal.:D But my mom has quite a sweet tooth, and I inherited it and improved upon it, so I think I'd be like this regardless. I don't think having more access to sweets as a child would have diminished my attraction to them.

[sassenach]

My parents were fairly gentle but the "clean plate club" was an ongoing theme and I cant leave food on my plate to this day. If Im full I stuff it down. Im only slightly overweight but its enough.

 

That's me exactly. My husband was also raised in a house where he always had to finish what was on his plate. It probably wouldn't have been a horrible thing if we grew up in healthy eating households, but we didn't. I grew up on purely processed foods, and his mom is a fantastic mexican cook.

 

We do NOT have the clean plate club in our home.

[Crissy]

There was so little food in our house when I was growing up that I don't recall much complaint about what was served. We were HUNGRY, so we ate whatever Mom cooked, for the most part.

I do happen to hate beets, so on the rare occasion she served them, I didn't have to eat any. My brother despised canned spinach, so he was excused from that particular vegetable when it was on the table.

 

I don't recall my brother having had any food issues in his young adult life, and I am not aware of any in my sisters, either.

I certainly don't have any problem eating. ;)

[Laurie4b]

I was forced to eat everything and we were very regimented with desserts: 3 cookies only or 4 cookies only. I had a hard time self-regulating once I got to college and was free of the "4 cookies only police." I often tell my kids to take a reasonable amount of dessert so they can practice themselves.

 

At my grandmother's, we were praised for stuffing ourselves, and there was disapproval for not doing so. (My grandmother equated love/respect for her with the amount of her cooking you ate.) I do think that set the stage for me overeating. I got used to the feeling of a distended stomach, it became not only normal, but a "good thing", and though as an adult i obviously got other cognitive messages, I do think that that has affected me. (I'm overweight as my metabolism did not keep up with the overeating once I hit my 30's. I was thin despite overeating until then.)

[MelanieM]

Thanks for the feedback, folks! I find the responses fascinating. From the poll, so far it appears that of those that were forced to eat a particular way, the majority have some issue with food as adults; for those that were raised with freedom around food, the majority have no issue. Interesting.

 

Growing up we really didn't have a lot and I remember many meals that were scanty fare, and the only food available in the house. So, we usually ate what was there because it truly was that or nothing. But we were never forced to consume something we didn't like, or to eat more than we wanted. My very picky brother had an extremely limited diet until he was a pre-teen, and I think he pretty much lived on meat, potatoes (often of the french fry variety) and kraft dinner.

 

I don't really have any issues with food, but I am conscious of the lasting impression my childhood experience has on my food choices today. When we were kids, restaurants (the cheap fast-food variety) and 'treats' where a big deal because we had no money. When we did eat out it was usually a happy occasion, because that meant there was money, which meant a happier, less stressed Mama. So the biggest carry-over for me is that my idea of comfort food is often junky take-out, and I really, really love restaurants. But it's not the food -- which I never enjoy as much as a healthy home-cooked meal -- but rather the deep connections that those experiences made for me as a kid. I have to be conscious of that and work on rewiring things a little. Otherwise I end up feeding a cold with potato chips and soda!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks for the feedback, folks! I find the responses fascinating. From the poll, so far it appears that of those that were forced to eat a particular way, the majority have some issue with food as adults; for those that were raised with freedom around food, the majority have no issue. Interesting.

 

 

 

Since at the time you posted, the poll showed that those forced to eat were 28 with food issues vs. 26 without food issues, I think your conclusion is a bit hasty. Of course it may indeed show that there are more issues for those forced to eat in a particular way but I think it is too soon to tell.

[MelanieM]

Since at the time you posted, the poll showed that those forced to eat were 28 with food issues vs. 26 without food issues, I think your conclusion is a bit hasty. Of course it may indeed show that there are more issues for those forced to eat in a particular way but I think it is too soon to tell.

 

I'm not drawing a conclusion (though I have my guesses, which I would have with or without a poll). I realize it's a small sample, and in no way a controlled study; I was just commenting on what it looked like when I had last read the numbers.

[Pretty in Pink]

Interesting question...

 

My parents strictly enforced the 'clean plate' rule, and we were never allowed to serve ourselves at the dinner table, so we had to eat however much of whatever mom or dad decided to serve us that night.

 

We also had cupboards literally stuffed with Little Debbies and all sorts of potato chips and other junk foods and sodas, and we were allowed unlimited access to these foods.

 

On the other hand, the only fresh produce I ever recall my parents serving was salad on steak night (iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and ranch dressing). Real milk was severely rationed, as in the only person allowed to drink it was my dad. Mom used it sparingly for cooking. Kids were served powdered milk.

 

And it wasn't a matter of economics, but more so one of priorities on their part.

 

As an adult I have shunned pretty much all but fresh produce, I rarely to never buy 'junk' foods, and I cannot rest if we start to run low on milk. I'm very picky about what foods I purchase and serve to my children, and pretty much cook in every way the polar opposite of what my mother cooked back then.

 

I also never tell my kids to clean their plates! I do have a hard time leaving food on my own plate, or even scraping uneaten food from their plates into the trash. I usually feed it to the dog instead. After all, "There are starving people in China!"

[specialmama]

I'm wondering how parental control over our food as children transfers to our relationship with food as adults. Please vote in the poll and jump in with your thoughts on the subject.

 

 

I wasn't forced, per se, but food was frequently used as a reward. I now have a hard time finding a suitable reward for myself that does not involve food or Tim Horton's coffee. It really is stinky because I end up emotionally eating. Although I have no qualms about using small treats as rewards for other peoples kids :lol: I don't for my own kids because it would become a daily thing. Spoiling friends' kids or nieces and nephews is entirely different. :tongue_smilie:

[Joker]

I voted that I was told to eat a certain way and I still have issues. I was also a part of the "clean your plate" club. I swore I would never make my kids do the same. The thing that did the most damage though was that my mom had issues with girls and weight. Her family was overweight and she seemed overly concerned with my sisters' and my weight. I remember one time ~ my gma had been in the hospital for several weeks and we had eaten mostly hospital food. One day my dad told us we were going to go to our favorite burger and tot place. We all scarfed down our food and my mom asked who wanted more. My brothers and my dad all said they wanted another burger. That was ok. I said I wanted another burger and my mom informed me that I did not and I did not need it. I couldn't eat my last two tater tots or I would have burst into tears. I was not overweight. I was slender and very active ( a cheerleader ). It sent the message that I, or girls, were never supposed to eat as much as boys. I still to this day am uncomfortable eating in front of most people, especially men. I've seen other moms do this and I have vowed never to do it to my dd's.

[caitlinsmom]

My parents made us eat everything on our plates, now its somewhat liberating to leave food on my plate when I am full! No food issues here though.

 

Dh on the other hand was forced to eat all his food (slop???) every night or there were punishments of the physical variety. He eats everything on his plate every night regardless if he is full or not.

[keptwoman]

I was made to clear my plate every time, even food I hated.

I don't have any food issues, I'm a healthy weight and eat anything that is put in front of me. There are a few things I still dislike but I can shove them down if I need to be polite. I guess the only slightly weird thing is that I eat heaps for dinner at home, but if we go to a restaurant I can never finish, no matter what the portion size.

[Lucy in Australia]

I guess the only slightly weird thing is that I eat heaps for dinner at home, but if we go to a restaurant I can never finish, no matter what the portion size.

 

Hey! I thought I was the only one who did this! I also have never been able to explain this. Maybe our own cooking is just that much better than restaurant cooking ...;)

[duckens]

I voted "other".

 

I have always had food issues. They have ranged the gamut of anorexia/bulimia during the last year of my marriage to currently being over 100 pounds overweight. I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and I don't know how to fix this for my daughter. I'm trying.:sad:

 

I was of a normal weight as a child and teen.

 

My parents never pushed food one way or another.

 

Other details:

My mother never met a processed food she didn't like. Even though she was a sahm, she always prepared food out of a box rather than from scratch.

 

I come from a long line of short, round, German women.

 

I went for years (3rd grade to 11th grade, when I dropped out of school) without eating lunch. I'm also not a morning person, so would usually miss breakfast before school, too. And I went to school in the era before the concept of allowing kids to have a mid-morning snack.

 

I didn't like the school lunch because of the food quality and the lunchroom stress (noise, unregulated harassment and rejection), and my mom wasn't interested in helping her 8yo resolve peer issues or to have a healthy lunch each day. At the time, I thought it was my fault, and that I was the one failing because I was hungry. As an adult, I realize that my mom was too apathetic about the situation to make the effort.

 

Just one more reason to homeschool.

[Peela]

Lol, I voted "Other" because I had complete freedom over food as a child- complete access to the pantry any time, complete acess to copioous amounts of sugar. I used to put 3 TBS of sugar on my cereal in the mornigs and eat whole packets of jelly crystals.

 

I DID have food ssues- I had major hypoglycaemia/blood sugar issues for years. Food cravings, energy fluctations, depression...a lot related to food. I think a lot related to too much sugar as a child.

 

NOW however, which is what the poll asked, I dont feel I have food isses that stem from my childhod, except perhaps a predisposition to low blood sugar if I ont eat regularly or well. BUT I have had a healing approach to food for the last 10 years at least- I really listen to my body, I have experiemened wit diffrent diets tosee what works fo me.

 

MY KIDS however.. have NOT had free access to the pantry their whole childhood- although now that they are teens they have much more free access- we dont have biscuts or cake or soda available anyway. We have always restricted their sugar intake. Dd15 has a senstivityto sugar and restricts herself and eats fairly healthy. Ds14...well, he binges on sugar whenever he can. Both eat copious amounts of fruit.

 

ETA- about weight. The kids and I are all a healthy weight. Dh on the other hand is overweight (not obese) and definitely has food issues- he is a binger and although he has sensitivities, he will eat foods he knows he will react to. He eats way too much sugar- he is addicted and shows no signs of actually caring to change that. I imagine his mother was quite controlling around food, just from knowing her.

Edited March 11, 2010 by Peela

[gaillardia]

Freedom of eating, I didn't have to eat what was served if I didn't want to, I'd pick the tomato pieces, onion and beans out of my chili and eat only the meat. I didn't just eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. My parents were definitely not vegetarians, didn't eat much seafood, but I am leaning towards vegetarian and eat more seafood.

I think if you were allowed to help out in the kitchen, or had practical, kind teaching in the preparation of food, that has a bit to do with how we eat or how we feel about what we eat.

I wasn't forced to eat vegetables or anything!:lurk5:

[myfunnybunch]

My parents were fairly gentle but the "clean plate club" was an ongoing theme and I cant leave food on my plate to this day.

 

This is how I grew up as well.

 

My dad told me once I was grown that he wished that he could go back and teach us to eat take smaller portions and eat only until we were full. He felt that his own upbringing with the same rule made it very difficult for him to lose weight.

 

Cat

[Tap]

My family had this weird unspoken rule that it was rude to take the last portion of anything. If you wanted the last portion, you had to offer it to everyone else first. That's normal, but it went further in my family than I've seen in any other. Even if nobody said they wanted some, you would always only take half and leave the other half sitting there.

 

Somehow this rule got twisted in my brain and results in my feeling "full" with one bite left on my plate. I know it's purely psychological but I seriously cannot make myself eat that last bite. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

We must have been raised in the same family LOL. I am the same way today. In fact I am looking at my plate with exactly one bite of pie left on it, and wondering If I Could eat it, if I tried Really Hard.....the thought actually makes me nauseous. :lol: Dh always teases me about leaving my one bite on my plate. For about the first 5-10 years dh and I were together, I also had a habit of offering him my dinner if he finished before I did. He grew up hungry, so his food issue is that he used to overeat when he had the chance. He would usually accept my offer and eat until he was stuffed. It was a very long time before I figured out that I needed to eat my own dinner, and he was fine with his. :cheers2:

[Heidi7Sue]

My mom's rule was that we had to try whatever she made, but we didn't have to eat a lot of something we didn't like. I always thought that was reasonable, even as a kid. And now the only food issues I have are with foods that cause me problems. Unfortunately, they are generally my favorites!:sad:

[IsabelC]

I wasn't forced to eat things things I didn't want, but I was restricted. There were a lot of things I wasn't allowed to have (generally junk, to be fair on them). Portion sizes and number of helpings were decided by my parents. Also things like chocolate were given as presents or special treats. I now find it very difficult to control how much I eat and have an ongoing battle against the tendency to binge on chocolate or other formerly forbidden/limited foods. I have to remind myself that food is for when I'm hungry, not for when I'm upset, bored, angry, procrastinating, etc.

[Ester Maria]

My mother was, and still is, the "lady" type of woman, big on aesthetics and manners. Food was not there simply to be eaten - more than that, it was to be enjoyed, not only by mouth but also by eyes (everything had to be nicely arranged), and meals were there to serve as an opportunity to gather, talk, socialize. Even though she was an excellent cook, we ate out a LOT because of such approach to food, in which the atmosphere mattered more than the food itself, we often had guests at our home (usually family, but sometimes also family friends, or even my father's colleagues and their families) and were often guests at other people's homes. As I grew up, naturally, I separated myself little by little from their food "rituals", and started to eat more with other people, but some of family habits remained.

 

Growing up, we ate ONLY in the dining room, and ONLY at the table. Even when I ate alone or was alone at home, it never really occurred me to take food into my room, or to eat somewhere else.

The plates were big, but the servings were never big (it was preferred to take a little and then take a little again, that to automatically take a normal size portion). Technically you could eat as much as you could, but it went without saying that you would not eat quickly or considerably more than the other people you eat with. I was never made to clean my plate, anzi, if we were eating out, I was taught not to clean my plate and to always leave some food on it. Because it "looked better" (and the portions were usually big enough for that). Because when eating out you weren't supposed to give out the impression of somebody who's so hungry that they have to eat all the serving (restaurant servings were usually bigger than our typical servings at home). I guess it was a sort of "class thing" not to show how hungry you are, and even if you were hungry, to eat slowly, playing with food, and talking more than eating. The rule of eating slowly was good though, because if you eat slowly you will naturally eat less and even if you have limited food to eat, if you drag it over 30 minutes rather than eat it all in 5, you are going to feel more full (at least from my experience).

 

Regarding being picky, generally I was allowed to choose what I want to eat, even at home (usually there were a few options, since my mother rarely "combined" the food, but rather cooked everything separately and put everything on the table separated, and then you combined how much X you want with how much Y). Pretty much everything was eaten, but I was not forced to eat the things I hated, even though I was sometimes made to try something new. Our diet was largely a Mediterranean kind of diet, with lots of fish, sea products, vegetables, pasta with this and pasta with that, but there was also meat, and there was some unspoken balance. The access to food was unlimited, but to what food? We didn't have sweets or processed food; there was lots of fruits and vegetables though, and dairy which I didn't eat.

Desserts existed, but did not follow every single meal. They were often chocolate or cookies, but few pieces, or fruit salads, a pancake or two and such stuff. My parents also drank a glass of wine rather often with or after meal, instead of a dessert, and I could get it too if I wanted (though I was not especially fond of wine as a teen).

 

I could eat candies on the daily basis if I wanted, but I had to buy them off my own money. Soon I learned to prefer money over candies, and to have other plans with my money, so sugar was never really an issue. When I was very small I craved it often, and it's not that my mother would not allow it, but she used to tell me to exercise my will, and to learn to postpone the pleasure for the next day (if I had enough today, for example). Because of that, and because of the continuous "exercise your will" in my mind, I never in my life had problems with overeating and I always retained a healthy habit of never eating till I'm full, but stopping a little before.

 

I did have issues with food as a teen and in my 20s, but they were on the other end of the spectre... because food was such a "ritual" thing, I often just didn't have patience or time to eat, or preferred to do other things, so I would skip meals quite often. I was borderline anorexic in some periods of my life, but it was never with the psychological "I have to be thin" background (and I was never drilled that kind of thinking into me, my parents considered balance to be important, and were upset in those periods because I had lost the balance), even though it was a sort of reaction on some problems. Thankfully it never went completely out of control, and I fixed it.

 

I'd say I'm a healthy eater, with a healthy relationship to food. My older kid has the same kind of "predisposition" to anorexic periods as I had, but we're dealing with that. The younger kid has no issues with not eating whatsoever, her diet is balanced, she knows when to stop, and she knows when to eat what (she's very in touch with her body). My husband is also on okay terms with food (he grew up in a lot stricter household regarding food, they were traditionally observant Jews so eating involved lots of intricacies, today he got rid of most of those), likes to eat the most in the house, but it doesn't go out of control.

 

The kids have unlimited access to fruits and vegetables; they don't have to clean the plate and I also advise taking little by little than filling your plate right away, but I don't teach them to "appear classy" in restaurants by leaving some food and such nonsense; the aesthetics is important but I won't freak out if things that are going to be eaten anyway are not perfectly arranged; we have to eat at the dining room table, but I won't freak out if somebody occasionally breaks this rule with a snack as long as they clean after themselves; sweets are limited but they exist, and if they want special treats, they have to buy them off their own money. Luckily we're all Jews in this family so we prefer having money over having sweets. :D

Basically, we love food, but we don't make a big fuss out of it.