Have you been conditioned NOT to talk about your gifted child?

[LauraGB]

All the recent threads about gifted/non-gifted on the general board reminded me that years ago I learned to just not talk about my dc, their academia, their strengths (weaknesses everyone seems to want to hear about, though), or any of the little "proud" moments. I'll be honest - I've been so conditioned, I don't think I've ever actually posted on this particular board. After having received so much...negativity, admonishment, misinformed judgement, etc., I just keep my mouth shut. No questions, no statements, nothing.

 

Is this the same for you? If not, how do you choose who to share with and how are you received?

 

(possibly this should go to the general board, but I really would like to know from just those of you who frequent this particular board.)

 

Thanks,

Edited March 10, 2010 by LauraGB

[patchfire]

Yep. TBH, I didn't post here for a long time because whenever I lurked, it seemed liked posters were hung up on numbers, testings, etc. - we have no plans to spend the $$ to test to tell us what we essentially already know. ;) But I hated the competitive cattiness in my oldest's first playgroup, and I guess I've been pretty 'underground' about it ever since.

 

I also grew up in a very high-achieving environment, with the result that I was taught in ways both subtle and overt that mentioning specifics was just gauche.

 

Generally, I talk to dh, my mom, and one RL friend. Most other people, I just pass the bean dip.

[melmichigan]

I do not discuss my DC IRL for the most part. I love the GT board that I visit for support. I am just beginning to discuss it here, but so many people know where we stand from the EPGY program that I am a little more open than before. I still tend to avoid specifics or ages. :D

[StartingOver]

I look for hints of others, and try to post to new people on the boards. Those who don't know how it is here, trying to show them support. But most of us learn very fast to keep quiet. I love it when I connect with other parents of advanced children, it really is lonely IRL.

 

I have been homeschooling for 20+ years, and watching what I post for 15 of those. It is easier this second time around, but no less lonely. Luckily I just don't give a $&^$ what others think LOL.

[EKS]

I don't talk about what my children are doing academically except in very general terms. Of course, I talk about them here and I will talk about things with other parents who also have gifted kids. But *never* to anyone else IRL.

Edited March 8, 2010 by EKS

[JenneinCA]

Absolutely.

 

Being called a liar does that to a person.

[zaichiki]

I learned to just not talk about my dc, their academia, their strengths (weaknesses everyone seems to want to hear about, though), or any of the little "proud" moments.

 

I just keep my mouth shut. No questions, no statements, nothing.

 

Is this the same for you?

 

Yep.

That's why I *love* meeting other moms who have gifted kids! (and then I frequently talk too much)

 

Interesting experience:

We recently moved from a vibrant homeschooling community with a large percentage of gifted kids (lots of parents who had certain types of professions). Anyway, we moved away. I didn't realize it was such a unique situation and I didn't appreciate it enough when I was there. I SO miss those ladies!

 

I met another mom where I now live who professed to have advanced kids. She said she was excited to meet someone with similar experiences. She's very proud of how advanced her kids are and I've heard her telling strangers what level they're working at... (I coach my kids not to do that. It makes me very uncomfortable.) But I couldn't talk to her. She didn't react to my kids the way the moms did in my previous homeschooling community. It was odd. Could it be that our kids are not as similar as I had at first thought? I think she feels threatened by us. The relationship disolved relatively quickly. It's okay: we have different morals and values anyway.

[StephanieZ]

Abso-freaking-lutely.

 

IRL, I am very, very cautious about mentioning anything that might bring attention to my dc's acceleration/giftedness. I feel bad about it sometimes . . . like I don't brag on them enough. . . Normally, I love to brag all the time about everyone I love, and even acquaintances. . . I am a big believer in pats on the back!

 

But, giftedness seems to really irk a lot of people, online, here, and IRL. . . Here, it doesn't matter so much if people are annoyed by me or think I am full of nonsense. . . so, while I don't make a point of "bragging", I don't work too hard to hide their levels, either.

 

But, IRL, I have to live with these people for pretty much ever. . . Soooo, I am cautious. My best friends end up knowing the levels my kids are working at, over time, through incidental conversations. . . But, acquaintances and casual friends are generally kept in the dark as long as possible.

 

I find that only my friends with kids much younger than mine (or no kids) are totally unthreatened/blase about my kids' levels. But, with anyone with kids close to mine in age (or older, for that matter), I am super careful. Very good friends are very good friends. . . and love us in spite of our oddities (including dc's giftedness).

 

It is a competitive world. I get that. Who knows how I'd feel if I were on the other side. I am thankful for my kids' gifts, proud of them, and also am completely overwhelmed and awed by the unique duty I have to educate them properly.

 

(THAT is the flip side that noone w/o a highly gifted kid can get. . . That the gift also burdens you with this incredible duty to achieve greatness in your hs'ing! I can't let them down!! ARGH!!

 

Now, I know that plenty of people who will read this will think I am just full of brown goo saying that. . . but I also know that some of you will relate to this and have experienced Dark Nights of Terror like I have. . . Like the night after the first homeschool evaluation where my evaluator looked me in the eye and said, very kindly, "well, you know. . . you can never send her to school now. . ." <b/c she was/is so advanced>. . . That is really, really, heavy stuff! It sucks that you can't really get empathy or support for those issues, b/c you just can't share them b/c you just sound like a braggart!)

 

Anyway, yes, I do edit myself constantly. Constantly.

[2smartones]

Abso-freaking-lutely.

 

I do edit myself constantly. Constantly.

 

Yeah... that. :iagree: I've learned which circles welcome me and which circles crucify me.

[Tracy]

I find that my dd4 is verbal and vocal enough that it only takes a person a few minutes with her before they figure out that she is gifted. She told me that she offered to help her older friend read a book when she sees her tomorrow. I am concerned how that is going to go over since her mother has been negative about my dd being in kindergarten while her older daughter was still in pre-school. But what can I do? I can't tell my dd not to help her friend read!

 

It is interesting that people who do not have young children are very curious and want to talk about her. But those with kids the same age as dd and a few years older completely avoid the topic and will not acknowledge her giftedness.

 

Tracy

[StartingOver]

I find that my dd4 is verbal and vocal enough that it only takes a person a few minutes with her before they figure out that she is gifted. She told me that she offered to help her older friend read a book when she sees her tomorrow. I am concerned how that is going to go over since her mother has been negative about my dd being in kindergarten while her older daughter was still in pre-school. But what can I do? I can't tell my dd not to help her friend read!

 

It is interesting that people who do not have young children are very curious and want to talk about her. But those with kids the same age as dd and a few years older completely avoid the topic and will not acknowledge her giftedness.

 

Tracy

 

 

This goes back to... most parents think their child is the cutest, most well behaved, smartest, etc. When some see a child more well behaved, smarter, or cuter it can make them feel uncomfortable.

 

I personally never understood this. I know my children act up, I know they aren't the smartest, and I had one infant that was down right ugly till he was about 9 months old LOL. ( He is cute now !! )

 

There is way to much competition in the world.

[rootsnwings]

Same. Here.

 

Even with family, its like a pissing contest!!!!!!!!!!!!! :glare: I just don't even talk about it at all anymore. He's old enough now that it just spews from him, so nothing really needs to be said, yk?

[LittleIzumi]

I pretty much only talk about it on this sub-forum. And I took my dd's ages out of my siggy to avoid more issues on the regular boards. A lot of the stuff we're doing I wouldn't dream of mentioning on a normal board. I can't imagine the looks/comments (or rather, I can and would prefer to avoid them).:glare: And not IRL either. I might tell my parents a little because they understand (being the parents of gifted kids) but that's it.

[patchfire]

And I took my dd's ages out of my siggy to avoid more issues on the regular boards.

 

This. I resisted for a long time, but I'm starting to need to ask ?s that will be best answered on the HS board, and I saw way too many responses of "don't worry about x, your child is only y age" on there... so off the ages came.

[melmichigan]

This. I resisted for a long time, but I'm starting to need to ask ?s that will be best answered on the HS board, and I saw way too many responses of "don't worry about x, your child is only y age" on there... so off the ages came.

 

The first time I was lectured for 10+ pages about how my DD wasn't ready for X material I took of the ages of my DC and try really hard not to mention it. All the negativity lately prompted my recent polls, the responses were enlightening. :)

[Dmmetler]

I find that my dd4 is verbal and vocal enough that it only takes a person a few minutes with her before they figure out that she is gifted. She told me that she offered to help her older friend read a book when she sees her tomorrow. I am concerned how that is going to go over since her mother has been negative about my dd being in kindergarten while her older daughter was still in pre-school. But what can I do? I can't tell my dd not to help her friend read!

 

It is interesting that people who do not have young children are very curious and want to talk about her. But those with kids the same age as dd and a few years older completely avoid the topic and will not acknowledge her giftedness.

 

Tracy

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

This is my experience as well. DD seems to have a gift for being adorably precocious, which adults without children her age gravitate towards (as do children), but parents of children her age are disconcerted by. And some of the worst responses are from parents of children who are gifted, but in different ways or maybe not to the same degree.

[Jen in PA]

Ironically enough, I have considered removing my dc's ages but figured leaving them in my signature was helpful to all of you when I ask questions or chime in on this board -- on the other boards I don't tend to engage in the same sorts of discussions. But since we are planning to make the grade acceleration "official" for dd in the future, I may have to reconsider so that I feel comfortable chiming in on all of those "What is you x grader using..." threads.

 

I rarely bring up what the dc are doing but dd is always quick to broadcast what she is reading to anyone and everyone around.... so that does leave me getting questions.

[LisaKinVA]

Yup, pretty much don't talk about it to anyone... my mom sees how different they are, and so does my dad, but most anyone. Some people have seen enough differences to "know" my kids are different from the norm, but I coach my kids not to talk about what level they are doing, etc.

 

The differences between MG/HG/PG are also so huge -- that when your kids are bubble MG/HG or HG, they almost look "average" compared to a PG child, so even on the GT boards I can be quiet.

 

I have one who "seems" pretty normal, until you really start talking to her, then the vocabulary and deep thinking kick in and you get the :blink: "look."

[LittleIzumi]

The differences between MG/HG/PG are also so huge -- that when your kids are bubble MG/HG or HG, they almost look "average" compared to a PG child, so even on the GT boards I can be quiet.

 

I have one who "seems" pretty normal, until you really start talking to her, then the vocabulary and deep thinking kick in and you get the :blink: "look."

 

Yup. Dd is way overshadowed by a lot of kids on this board. And it's easy for her to play normal when she's running around in just butterfly wings and her underwear :001_huh:, singing like a normal 4-year-old. (Not in public, of course, LOL, but plenty of my friends have seen that. She doesn't seem to appreciate the use of clothing much.)

[Elisa]

And some of the worst responses are from parents of children who are gifted, but in different ways or maybe not to the same degree.

 

I've found this to be true as well IRL. Maybe we're just not an easy group to impress. To the moms with advanced preschoolers it's all new and exciting, but as a mom with three gifted kids I'm used to all that. It's normal for our family.

[Dmmetler]

I wish there were ways to have multiple .sig files. I've softened mine several times after getting the "Do you want to burn out your child" type responses, but on this board, it would be helpful.

[2smartones]

I usually take age out of the equation completely when on regular boards. I say, "My x-grader is doing x. Can you recommend something to help?" It's nobody's business if a child's age and grade are the same number. LOL!

[LauraGB]

. But those with kids the same age as dd and a few years older completely avoid the topic and will not acknowledge her giftedness.

 

 

This, unfortunately, is how it is with family members whose children are a little older than ours. I find conversations about how jr is doing (or not doing) in school becoming very hush-hush when we arrive in the room. No one ever asks how school is going for us. Ever. The kids feel it too, and I think that's what makes me the most sad about it. The interesting thing is that neither dh nor I have ever offered school oriented info about our dc to these people - at least not since we started homeschooling. I also think that that is, in part, the reason we choose to take the "deeper and wider" route with the academics - so we can keep them about where other kids are. Technically, they would be considered 5th grade, so I don't think we are that far off, but its because we veer off and delve in so much more than we would if I just let the dc work at thier own pace. Gosh, I feel a little ashamed saying that out loud. :blush5:

Edited March 8, 2010 by LauraGB

[Quad Shot Academy]

IRL, I only have one person that has expressed any weird attitudes towards my accelerated one. I do know a bunch of unschoolers that have attitudes about our schooling in general, but not acceleration. As usual, being on this forum has made much more aware of the attitudes that people might have toward me, so I keep it very general and fairly private now except among good friends. ;) I have gone from using the term gifted, to accelerated and now geeky. :lol:

[TracyP]

I am just realizing how awkward this can be. I get raised eyebrows from family (not all) and acquaintances when I have a proud mama moment. I feel uncomfortable when other hs moms say what are you doing for ______. And my kids are not near as accelerated as some of yours!

 

I really like this board though. I am mostly a lurker here but it feels good to know these ladies would believe me, not look at me dirty or think I must be psycho mom if I share what is going on in my house.:001_smile:

[2smartones]

I feel uncomfortable when other hs moms say what are you doing for ______.

 

I've felt that way at times, but usually, the ones who ask me that only ask because they know I've BTDT even if our kids are the same ages. They're sincerely asking for help knowing I'll know the answer. When I join a local group, I'm always upfront about what we're doing, because I don't want the awkward moments. If anyone has a problem with it, I don't join the group. People see first-hand how different a gifted child is, and they don't question it. Actually, they seem relieved to have normal children. Online is where I usually have issues...!

 

I also have issues with family. Good grief! The people you'd think would support you the most?! My oldest is on the same level as his 3 years older cousin, and he's surpassed the reading level of his 6 years older cousin. My sister doesn't speak to us. Oh, well. (She doesn't allow her youngest to participate in gifted programs at school because he doesn't behave as well as her oldest... it's a punishment in her mind, but an abuse in mine! I'd act out in his situation, too. But that's another story.) My oldest also has a cousin on the other side of the family who is exactly the same age (days apart), and she's way, way, way behind him academically. They speak to us, but they look down on us. Or... they'll point out things she does well (like serving tea to friends or playing soccer), but tell us there's something wrong with us, because our child(ren) will probably enter college 4-5 years early (maybe not the youngest, but the oldest definitely will).

[Old Dominion Heather]

Yes, I don't EVER volunteer information except to grandparents who are pleased with the accomplishment. I am very careful how I answer even when I am asked about what my kids are doing. I tend to talk about the areas in which they are more average.

 

I don't think it is a bad thing to do this really. If my son is talking about an accomplishment, he'll tend to talk about something more mainstream that he does rather than the more obscure. He knows his audience.

[RanchGirl]

Definitely IRL, I avoid it unless absolutely necessary because it just makes people uncomfortable somehow. My Mom never tires of hearing all the good stuff so I share with her. But even my in-laws are weird about it, I think they feel my kids' successes automatically reflect poorly on their other grandchildren. Which makes me a little sad, because to me it's not a competition; I think they should be able to be cheerleaders for *all* their grandchildren. Or maybe it's something to do with the way they raised their own kids compared to what dh and I are doing? Sadly, it's a mystery that will never be solved because they are too passive-aggressive to have an honest conversation with them about anything.

 

Here on the boards, I have removed the kids' ages and curricula from my signature because I've had people question me unnecessarily (ironically even someone who also posted in this thread that she has to censor herself for the same reason).

 

On the flip side, I was in contact with another parent of a gifted child locally via telephone and she just kept going on and on about how advanced her son was and how people just didn't get it and after 3 conversations like this, it really did make me uncomfortable. Not the fact that her son is advanced which of course doesn't bother me a bit, but that it was ALL she could talk about and we hadn't even met in person yet. I am glad that my kids have things happening in their lives that I can talk about (good and bad!) other than just their math accomplishments. And guess what, I can actually talk about things other than my kids. So while I don't judge her for whatever she is doing with her son academically, I didn't click with her.

[LauraGB]

On the flip side, I was in contact with another parent of a gifted child locally via telephone and she just kept going on and on about how advanced her son was and how people just didn't get it and after 3 conversations like this, it really did make me uncomfortable. Not the fact that her son is advanced which of course doesn't bother me a bit, but that it was ALL she could talk about and we hadn't even met in person yet. I am glad that my kids have things happening in their lives that I can talk about (good and bad!) other than just their math accomplishments. And guess what, I can actually talk about things other than my kids. So while I don't judge her for whatever she is doing with her son academically, I didn't click with her.

 

I have a friend like that. We can sit through an entire dinner out and I won't get a word in edgewise. And sadly, it's all about one child, not any of her others. In that particular case, I think there are deeper, personal reasons for her to talk on and on about that child - reasons that have nothing to do with the child at all. But, I digress. Apparently she didn't get the memo about keeping quiet. ;)

Edited March 9, 2010 by LauraGB

[Guest]

I have a child who is gifted but also has perceptual and processing deficits along with social difficulties due to Asperger's. So certain things she does or needs resonate with this board, certain others with the special needs board. When people who work with her realize her gifts I find myself compelled to mention her challenges... whether to tone down the idea that I am elitist or pushing her, or whether to make sure they don't expect too much that she can't deliver, I don't really know. It's a difficult place to be, neither one thing or the other entirely.

[Joyful]

Like many who have posted, I try very hard not to talk about how my kids are doing academically IRL for some of the same reasons. But I often have a nagging question as to whether this might have adverse effects on my kids. Will they think that I'm not "proud" of them (in a good way) because I don't talk about them the same way that other parents talk about their kids?

 

I wonder because my SIL has said that while growing up, she always thought that her father didn't appreciate her because he never praised her in front of other people...

[Desert Rat]

I keep mum too. I certainly have learned who I can talk to about my boys. Even some family has dished out negative reactions. I kick myself every time I let the cat out of the bag. I try to let my oldest be himself. I don't want him to be a grade or a number. He blends in easier now, besides. But every once in awhile I mention a math subject we're covering or what he's currently reading and it's a dead give away. The wall goes up in their eyes and conversation has ended.

I enjoy bragging to my dh. :o I can talk to my mom and a few friends. Otherwise, most things school related are best left unsaid. Unfortunately.

[KAR120C]

I am intentionally vague about DS and his work for a lot of reasons.

 

First because of privacy -- he has become google-able... moreso in the last few years with a few public kudos. It's not that I'm not proud of him, but one too many details and he's remarkably easy to track down.

 

Second... When I'm posting on a non-GT-specific messageboard, I'm really looking for what I have in common with the people there, which is probably not acceleration/GT issues. So I don't bring it up. That's no big deal - I wouldn't go to a cooking messageboard to talk about how I'm different because I homeschool, and I don't go to a general homeschooling board to talk about how I'm different because DS is working x number of grades ahead. It's just not what I'm there for. If someone asks an honest question, I'll generally answer to be helpful, but I probably won't bring it up otherwise. And if I have a question I'm more likely to phrase it in such a way that the most pertinent information (grade level, interests) is included and the less important (his age...) is not. I won't lie, but I won't go out of my way to complicate the question with unnecessary details.

 

Third... and this is the cynical part... when you throw your own example into an argument, you're kind of offering it up to be picked apart and scrutinized. And really... what we do is not up for picking apart. I don't care what anyone else thinks about what grade he's in and whether we're doing the right thing. It's not up for discussion. If I trusted people in general to be well-informed and open-minded I might be interested. There are people whose opinions I value, who could certainly question what we're doing and I'd be happy to listen and give a thoughtful response. But a public messageboard? No. It only takes a quick skim through those 30-odd pages of the recent thread on the general board to see a good dozen blanket statements -- kids need this and gifted kids are like this and parents think this. Unless you've actually met my kid, I can't really take your opinion on what he's like and what he needs without a great big grain of salt. He's not just like whatever kid someone knew who was gifted and weird, or the one who was gifted and an obnoxious snot, or the one who was gifted in one thing but had no common sense. I've met plenty of people who do fit those stereotypes, but I've met plenty that don't. None of that tells you a thing about my one child.

 

It all comes down to this for me: I know DS really well. I might not have twenty years of homeschooling experience, but I've got more DS experience than anyone. I'm happy to read about other people's experiences with their children, and frequently I get ideas from that which can be tweaked to fit our situation. But in the end I know this kid, and I don't need random strangers telling me I don't.

[Old Dominion Heather]

But in the end I know this kid, and I don't need random strangers telling me I don't.

 

We have a winner!

 

:party:

 

I think you have pretty much summed up everything I would have ever wanted to say about this.

[joannqn]

I haven't had a problem that I've really noticed. And, if someone had a problem with it, it wouldn't really bother me. I've learned to let other people own their issues.

 

It's always been impossible to hide anyway. My daughter talked early, with a high vocabulary, and a lot. When she was four, she kept a landscape contractor at our house for an extra 30 minutes just talking to her. :lol: She hides better now because she is an underachiever who likes to write. It's not unusual to find 10 year olds who like to write stories.

 

My son, on the other hand, sticks out like a sore thumb. He lives and breathes math. Nearly anyone who spends more than a few minutes in his presence knows that he recently learned about the Pythagorean Theorem and is learning beginning algebra. And to prove it, he'll make up a problem and teach you how to solve it. It's just what he thinks about all. the. time. If it isn't math, taekwondo, or webkinz it doesn't exist.

[LauraGB]

We have a winner!

 

 

 

I think you have pretty much summed up everything I would have ever wanted to say about this.

 

:iagree: Very well stated, KAR120C!

Edited March 10, 2010 by LauraGB

[Shelly in the Country]

It all comes down to this for me: I know DS really well. I might not have twenty years of homeschooling experience, but I've got more DS experience than anyone. I'm happy to read about other people's experiences with their children, and frequently I get ideas from that which can be tweaked to fit our situation. But in the end I know this kid, and I don't need random strangers telling me I don't.

 

Excellent post :001_smile:

[Guest Rosieapple]

This is an excellent thread.

 

I suppose you go through stages as your child is growing up to how you handle the outside worlds perceptions. Initially, you are excited about having a gifted child and want to mix with other parents in the same boat. Unfortunately, it is sometimes usually the other parents that feel they need to brag about IQ levels, achievements etc. This side of things really annoyed me. I never felt the need to discuss my daughter's achievements, it was just a chest beating exercise on behalf of the parents. This is how we ended up homeschooling. I hated the competitive edge at school and the potential long term damage the parents were doing with the children, pushing and competing. By homeschooling we extract ourselves from that negativity. In the wider community it is blatantly obvious when adults and children speak to a gifted kid that they have a sharp intellect. They are usually capable of talking to adults with ease and interest. If somebody says your daughter is very bright, I say yes thank you she is a smart cookie.(Just like Mummy! only joking...) However, I never volunteer information and never ever compete about her achievements. I feel this is the best way to be. It works for us. The beauty of homeschooling a gifted child is that you can quietly pursue the correct path for your child. You are the one that know's them best.

[mchel210]

Yes.

[MaMa2005]

IRL we are pretty mum about things. It's when DS does things that point out his giftedness that things get a little hairy :tongue_smilie:.

 

In just the past week, we had two incidents. The first, at the pediatrician (who is very pro-homeschool), was a great interaction. DS was reading some of the medical jargon and asking questions about some of the machines and the ped said we had done a great job with letting DS explore and move along at his pace, etc. Made me feel good as a mom (and sometimes we just need one of those days!)

 

I just wrote and deleted about the second incident because putting it down on paper just made it seem even more horrendous. Suffice it to say, education is not on the list of topics that I talk about with my best friend. :001_huh:

[asta]

I just wrote and deleted about the second incident because putting it down on paper just made it seem even more horrendous. Suffice it to say, education is not on the list of topics that I talk about with my best friend. :001_huh:

 

Mine is a science teacher. She treats me like an absolute idiot. eg: incapable of even finding the resources to teach him, much less actually instructing. It has, unfortunately, changed the dynamics of our relationship.

 

 

a

[SunshineMom]

I avoid talking to friends and a family about my children's educational achievements unless it is in general homeschooling terms. I don't want to alienate anyone like my SIL does. She brags about her oldest in a way that is so not right, over the top. She says things like "he's the smartest kid in his school" (she held him back a year so he started 1st at 7yrs) in front of family who are also parents. She is not considering that this kid may find himself not #1, too much ego and pressure. I found it's best to keep my excitement about their learning/interests to those who don't have kids. I have also found that just mentioning that I homeschool seems to open the door for some folks to question my kids. Not fun, they periodically get these "pop quizzes" from relatives and/or stangers.

[LisaDSB]

I've finally learned to keep my mouth shut too. I told our neighbour (who has a son near the age of mine) the real reason we were starting homeschooling a couple of years ago (to give the kids an ability to accelerate) and she's barely talked to me since.

 

My sister has a son six weeks younger than my youngest, and she's happy to go on about what a wonderful athlete he is and how his teacher loves him and he's so popular, etc., etc., but I get the hairy eyeball if I say something about what my kids are working on. I've just stopped talking about them to her, and simply let her brag about her own kids. Or, I find myself dwelling on my kids' flaws in order to make her "feel better".

 

I love those occasions when the kids are talking with other adults about their interests, for example, other members of the naturalists group with my youngest, or the Royal Astronomical Society with my eldest. I love to see the looks on the adults' faces when my kids start chatting with them on a very adult level about their passions (shared by the adults too). The adults usually get right into the conversation, happy to have a child to mentor a bit, and they generally come over to tell me later that I'm "doing a great job" when they find out that I homeschool. Not that I've ever taught them anything about their passions -- it's all self-learned. I don't have to mention "gifted" in those situations, as the kids let that show all by themselves.

 

I've noticed that parents think it's okay to brag endlessly about their child's hockey skills (we're Canadian, so every parent thinks their kid is going to be the next Sidney Crosby), but mention that your child wants to be a theoretical physicist and that he enjoys studying alegebra, and, well, you can all picture "the look".

 

Sigh. It can be very isolating sometimes to parent gifted children.

[Marie463]

I so understand this as my oldest began reading at 3 and now at 4.5 is reading on at least a 3rd to 4th grade level. Actually, I think that I posted a question similar to yours on these boards a year or so ago. It is very frustrating to keep quiet about the cool things that your little ones are doing, however, it is equally important to know your audience! You will quickly learn who is safe to discuss your dc with and who is not.

 

Another angle to this that I've wrestled with is asking myself: Why is it important that I share what ds is doing? I am merely trying to play the game of one up-manship like the other parent? Sometimes, unfortunately, the answer was yes. I've since learned that it is important just to listen when others brag about their 5 year old who knows all of his letters, smile, nod and gush a bit. As Dale Carnegie emphasizes in "How to Win Friends and Influence People," everyone's favorite topic is themselves! Let the other person brag a bit about their kiddos. They may then ask you about your kid and that's your opportunity to share cautiously. If they don't ask about your kid, well then you will quickly learn what type of person that they are.

 

Oh, and you can always share your kids' accomplishments here...it's a safe place! :grouphug:

[kmacnchs]

I tell my parents and my MIL. There is only one friend IRL I can tell and now you all have me thinking...is she just being nice? Maybe I should stop telling her stuff...hmm...

 

I LOVE listening to my children read to me and I hate that I can't share that!

 

But I don't want mothers of kids my kids' ages to feel inadequate and I don't want other friends' looks :glare:...at this point the unbelievers in my family (there were MANY) have been squelched b/c one of the biggest unbelievers quizzed my dd1 and got schooled!:lol::lol:

[musicianmom]

Yeah, I know I shouldn't talk about what dd is doing, but I have a hard time keeping quiet. Thankfully I can talk to my parents, who understand completely because they went through it all with me.

[TKDmom]

Yeah, I know I shouldn't talk about what dd is doing, but I have a hard time keeping quiet.

 

Me too! Unfortunately, I can't talk to my parents. I think I'm giving my bff a complex by discussing all the things I'm learning about gifted kids with her. :glare: I need to zip my lips.

[Dmmetler]

I guess I'm lucky-my BFF IS highly gifted herself, and went through years of frustration in a K-12 Christian school with absolutely NO support (her grandfather was the principal, so there was no consideration that she might do better in another school, and it was just expected that she be smart). And she's been around DD her entire life, so she's seen DD grow into her giftedness. She's very supportive-and relieved that her own DD, while certainly bright hasn't, yet, sprung into the really advanced academics, although given the child's topics of conversation (and that she is literally the only child within a year of my DD's age that my DD enjoys spending large amounts of time with) makes me think that her turn is coming, sooner or later.

 

My parents also are understanding. They not only raised two gifted kids themselves, but are in charge of the regional ISEF and JSHS programs, as well as programs to place advanced science students with mentors and give them access to the University's facilities-so they've known a lot of extremely gifted kids.

 

I do have a lot of cringeworthy moments with other moms, because at age 5, DD has not yet learned to blend in-as my BFF puts it, it would take someone pretty stupid to spend 10 minutes with the kid and NOT realize that she's gifted! But I guess I've had it a lot easier than those who don't have any people around them who understand that giftedness brings its own sets of challenges.

[kelouis75]

This is my first time posting in this section. I'm a regular lurker. :001_smile: I'd say I'm pretty low key, and I try to emphasize the importance of hard work over natural abillity...

[Kuovonne]

In DD's dance class, there is another girl, E, who is the same age as DD and also homeschooled. Several times, I have heard other moms (not E's mom) comment on how bright and smart E is, especially how well E reads.

 

When I hear these comments, I think to myself that DD is smart too, and also a really good reader. As far as I can tell, both E and DD read chapter books and were both reading before kindergarten, which isn't typically for most kids their age. Now, E might very well be smarter and a better reader than DD. However, I feel sad because these moms are really gushing about E, but no-one gushes about DD.