Kicked in church for not clapping

[MIch elle]

Yes, a fellow choir member kicked me in the ankle because she thought I should be clapping during a song. I have been a member of the choir for 5 yrs and she's in her 2nd yr.; often I DO clap but only when I feel so moved. She's always trying to boss people around but this is just unbelievable! :angry:

[Laurie4b]

What did she say when you talked to her about it?

[mommybee]

Honestly I probably would have kicked her back.....but people don't usually mess with me like that.

 

Just rude!

[Julie in MO]

by chance??? :lol: Just kidding!

Blessings,

Julie

[rookie]

:lol:

this is cracking me up .... unbelievable!

i'm sure she was "told" or "moved" to kick you. it was done "in love." :tongue_smilie:

it's a whole new way to fellowship.

[chiguirre]

Do you have to sit next to her? I'd move FAR, FAR away.

[elegantlion]

Well I thought worship time was supposed to be about time worshipping and praising the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind, NOT worrying about how your neighbor might be physically showing that praise. :001_huh: (4 yrs on a worship team, we clapped when we felt so moved)

 

Tell her she needs to spend more effort concentrating on the Lord during your worship since she seems to have been distracted from His presence. :tongue_smilie:Maybe offer to pray for her about that, she'll never kick you again. :tongue_smilie::D

[Sahamamama]

I probably would mention this calmly to the choir director, not in an "I am so offended" kind of way, but just to make him/her aware of it, and perhaps ask to be re-positioned.

 

I think the choir director also should be responsible for the spiritual direction and growth of the choir members. It's sort of like being a pastor, you can't really make people grow, but you sure can encourage kindness. KWIM?

 

Don't quit choir because of this, but definitely make the CD aware of why you might not want to be next to this person -- you don't want to get kicked again.

 

I will also say that if it were me, and if it happened once, I'd probably give that person a "Knock it OFF!" kind of look. I would probably also say, after service, but loud enough for others to hear, "Why did you kick me?" Would that person even be embarrassed? You could have acted shocked, and that might have embarrassed the kicker.

 

But if it happened again, I would certainly go to the choir director, and if that didn't end it, to the pastor, and if that didn't end it, to the board, and if that didn't end it, out the door. You do NOT need to put up with being kicked in a church choir, or any choir. HTH.

[KidsHappen]

I sorry, Lord or no Lord, I would tell the woman that she better not kick me again unless she wants to lose that foot.

[MIch elle]

What did she say when you talked to her about it?

 

 

 

No, I don't usually stand next to her but there were only 3 female singers this past Sunday where there are usually 7-8 women (men in rear row).

Edited February 14, 2010 by MIch elle

[PollyOR]

 

I would yell out ...OUCH!

:smilielol5:

[Daisy]

I sorry, Lord or no Lord, I would tell the woman that she better not kick me again unless she wants to lose that foot.

 

Agreed. That is ridiculous.

[RoughCollie]

I sorry, Lord or no Lord, I would tell the woman that she better not kick me again unless she wants to lose that foot.

 

Me too. Only I'd tell her straight out that if she kicked me again, I'd break her ankle. I'd say it in a mean voice, too. She would believe me!

[AnitaMcC]

Yes, a fellow choir member kicked me in the ankle because she thought I should be clapping during a song. I have been a member of the choir for 5 yrs and she's in her 2nd yr.; often I DO clap but only when I feel so moved. She's always trying to boss people around but this is just unbelievable! :angry:

 

Did you kick her back??:001_huh:

[SproutMamaK]

She said, " I don't think it looks good." (meaning me NOT clapping)

 

Honestly, taking this into account - rather than being angry with her, it sounds like she needs could use some prayer. And you've been put in a perfect position to address this with her. She's so concerned about how things LOOK that she thinks it matters more than sincerely singing praises to God and being supportive and loving towards her church family. That's pretty sad, if you think about it. Rather than being angry, think about what this says about where she is in her heart & mind right now - it's not angering, it's concerning. Not that there's necessarily anything you could or even should do about it. I just thought it might be good for you to see it from a different prespective.

[MIch elle]

Honestly, taking this into account - rather than being angry with her, it sounds like she needs could use some prayer. And you've been put in a perfect position to address this with her. She's so concerned about how things LOOK that she thinks it matters more than sincerely singing praises to God and being supportive and loving towards her church family. That's pretty sad, if you think about it. Rather than being angry, think about what this says about where she is in her heart & mind right now - it's not angering, it's concerning. Not that there's necessarily anything you could or even should do about it. I just thought it might be good for you to see it from a different prespective.

 

 

So I don't know what she's talking about! We have nice blue choir robes that fall mid-calf and she wears grubby sneakers. Now I think that looks bad.

 

Yes, she does need prayers, and I AM praying for her. Yes, it's SAD.

[abbeyej]

Does she have significant trouble gaging other social situations? Are her conversational skill stilted and awkward? Or has she experienced some recent trauma or major personality change?

 

As for the kicking, I would suggest you do what we would tell our children to do in the same situation. Next time she kicks (or does something else inappropriate) you look her in the eye and say firmly and loudly enough for her to hear, "Please do NOT kick me". The second time, you drop the please, and say even more firmly with a lowered voice while looking into her eyes, "Do NOT kick me again." If it happens again, you turn and walk away (yes, even in the midst of church, if absolutely necessary). Her behavior sounds like that of a very young child, so I think responding in the same manner makes sense.

 

But I also think it sounds like either she already has a significant inability to process and comprehend social situations (perhaps autism-spectrum type stuff), or something has changed (whether some emotional trauma or something physical like an injury or disease) that has altered her ability to cope in social situations in a way that might look similar to some sort of autism-spectrum inability to judge social situations and cues.

 

In which case, I think your frustration is completely understandable, but your anger is perhaps inappropriate.

 

I really *do* feel sympathy for you! How very, very frustrating and upsetting to have to deal with that during choir. But perhaps if you can tell yourself that she simply doesn't grasp what is and is not appropriate behavior, you can be more understanding?

 

And really, I would not be subtle in my response to her. I doubt she'll even understand. Speak to her just as you would if she were four years old. Not angrily, but firmly and very directly.

[Harriet Vane]

As for the kicking, I would suggest you do what we would tell our children to do in the same situation. Next time she kicks (or does something else inappropriate) you look her in the eye and say firmly and loudly enough for her to hear, "Please do NOT kick me". The second time, you drop the please, and say even more firmly with a lowered voice while looking into her eyes, "Do NOT kick me again." If it happens again, you turn and walk away (yes, even in the midst of church, if absolutely necessary). Her behavior sounds like that of a very young child, so I think responding in the same manner makes sense.

 

And really, I would not be subtle in my response to her. I doubt she'll even understand. Speak to her just as you would if she were four years old. Not angrily, but firmly and very directly.

 

:iagree:

[AuntieM]

Well I thought worship time was supposed to be about time worshipping and praising the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind, NOT worrying about how your neighbor might be physically showing that praise. :001_huh: (4 yrs on a worship team, we clapped when we felt so moved)...

 

Yeah, it's like when my 5yodd tells us at the dinner table, in a shocked and disappointed tone, "XX older sibling didn't close his eyes when we prayed!"

 

I just smile and say, "And how do *you* know that his eyes weren't closed?"

 

In your shoes, I might kick back. Or, I might just start clapping. Big, enthusiastic claps. Claps so full of joyfulness that I have to fling my elbows waaaaaay back to get 'em revved up enough....

 

Nah, I really wouldn't hit her back, but I would be surely tempted to! I would have a talk with her, though. On the other hand, maybe it's a well-planned strategy.... maybe if no one wants to stand next to her she'll end up with a solo....

 

Anyway, sorry about your joy-killer. I am not a big clapper myself, so I understand your position.

[Grace Academy]

Well Michelle, you obviously aren't very spiritual. If you were, you would have been clapping. :D:D

[Night Elf]

My dd11 and I were reading through this, giggling at some of the responses. But she threw me when she suggested if the woman kicks you again, you should pull a Cesar Milan (dog whisperer) on her. Hit her neck with 2 fingers while saying pst! :lol:

[Whereneverever]

My dd11 and I were reading through this, giggling at some of the responses. But she threw me when she suggested if the woman kicks you again, you should pull a Cesar Milan (dog whisperer) on her. Hit her neck with 2 fingers while saying pst! :lol:

LOL, I bet that'd really shock her!

[stripe]

I don't understand why kick = you need to clap.

 

Why not "you're off-key!" or "you're too loud!" or "you're too quiet!" or "That man in the front row just winked at me again!" or "Hey! Your husband isn't clapping!" or .... whatever else.

[Sahamamama]

She said, " I don't think it looks good." (meaning me NOT clapping).

 

Yeah, because kicking you looks so much better. :glare:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Yes, a fellow choir member kicked me in the ankle because she thought I should be clapping during a song. I have been a member of the choir for 5 yrs and she's in her 2nd yr.; often I DO clap but only when I feel so moved. She's always trying to boss people around but this is just unbelievable! :angry:

 

:grouphug:

[OhM]

Yes, a fellow choir member kicked me in the ankle because she thought I should be clapping during a song. I have been a member of the choir for 5 yrs and she's in her 2nd yr.; often I DO clap but only when I feel so moved. She's always trying to boss people around but this is just unbelievable! :angry:

 

That is unbelievable! Is she "off" in any other ways? I can't imagine anyone (and I know some pretty bossy people!) kicking me in order to have their own way!

 

I'm with others- if it happens again, kick her back!

[Hedgehogs4]

Me too. Only I'd tell her straight out that if she kicked me again, I'd break her ankle. I'd say it in a mean voice, too. She would believe me!

 

this is from rough collie. i'm sure she would say it that way, and maybe even follow through. :lol:

 

i think you're on the right track. as they would say in our church "she needs inner healing." :001_huh:

[creekland]

I'm not in the choir, but I never clap during a song in church even when we are instructed to do so by the leader. I long ago came to terms with the fact that I might look bad to some.

 

I have one big reason for this. IF I take the time to be certain I'm on beat with the clapping, I totally miss the words, meaning, and worship of the song, because I am not musically talented. My parents were both band teachers and even they let me quit piano lessons in first grade... my talents lie elsewhere.

 

So, if/when people come up and mention or allude to anything about clapping I ask them if they can tell me the second derivative of a formula and what it signifies. They tend to look clueless. I then mention that derivatives come easily to me, music doesn't. THEN they understand. Up till that point many people feel that "everyone can do it" so those that don't are just being rebellious. It takes a long time for people to truly realize that we are all different.

 

Since you are in choir, you obviously have more musical talent than I do, but you might be able to come up with something similar relating clapping to feeling the worship vs missing it in various songs. Then she might understand instead of just feeling angry trying to tolerate it.

[MIch elle]

and told me she spoke to her (kicker) and an apology will be coming on Thursday night (choir practice). :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes, she (kicker) is off in many ways. She is a troubled person based on her mood swings and her tendency to try to boss people. YES, she is musically talented! But that doesn't mean she has the right to tell other people how to worship or sing. :glare:

[OHGrandma]

I'm not in the choir, but I never clap during a song in church even when we are instructed to do so by the leader. I long ago came to terms with the fact that I might look bad to some.

 

I have one big reason for this. IF I take the time to be certain I'm on beat with the clapping, I totally miss the words, meaning, and worship of the song, because I am not musically talented. My parents were both band teachers and even they let me quit piano lessons in first grade... my talents lie elsewhere.

 

So, if/when people come up and mention or allude to anything about clapping I ask them if they can tell me the second derivative of a formula and what it signifies. They tend to look clueless. I then mention that derivatives come easily to me, music doesn't. THEN they understand. Up till that point many people feel that "everyone can do it" so those that don't are just being rebellious. It takes a long time for people to truly realize that we are all different.

 

Since you are in choir, you obviously have more musical talent than I do, but you might be able to come up with something similar relating clapping to feeling the worship vs missing it in various songs. Then she might understand instead of just feeling angry trying to tolerate it.

 

Hahahaha, that is me! I can sing, or I can clap; I cannot do both at the same time. Some people may prefer I clap, though!

 

I admit to having kicked someone in church :blushing: . I can ignore my husband nodding off; but if he starts snoring he's going to get a nudge or a kick! :lol:

[Pippen]

Honestly I probably would have kicked her back.....but people don't usually mess with me like that.

 

 

 

Not me. I would have clapped...but my hand that was on her side would have clapped really wide, a little high, and really hard. ;)

 

I'm sorry for you because I would have been upset too, but the thought of a choir member kicking another member because they weren't clapping gives me the giggles. Like something you'd see on America's Funniest Videos (or whatever that show is called these days.)

[michelle l]

Oh my goodness!!!!:001_huh:

 

We are to worship "in spirit and in truth". It is a thing of the heart, NOT an outward thing. If it were, the Pharisees would have been in great shape, right?

 

I'm glad you mentioned it to the choir director. Hopefully you can stand somewhere else!

[MamaT]

I think I would have reacted right then and told her not to do that again. She sounds like she has control issues. :001_smile: It is a little comical though.

 

It reminds me of when my dh and I were dating. We went to church with his mother (who hated me) and I got tickled. The kind of laughing that the more I tried to stop, the more impossible it was. I was trying to stifle it, but the whole pew was shaking. She PINCHED me HARD. That made it worse and I had to get up and leave. I should have had a clue at that point what kind of mil she was going to be. She hasn't changed her mind about me after 30 years.

[creekland]

Hahahaha, that is me! I can sing, or I can clap; I cannot do both at the same time. Some people may prefer I clap, though!

 

I admit to having kicked someone in church :blushing: . I can ignore my husband nodding off; but if he starts snoring he's going to get a nudge or a kick! :lol:

 

Ah, it's nice knowing someone else is from a similar mold! Hubby gets an elbow from me... maybe a kick would be less obvious? :) Fortunately, neither is needed that often.

[Pippen]

Oh my goodness!!!!:001_huh:

 

We are to worship "in spirit and in truth"!

 

Evidentally her version reads "in spirit and in boots"

[Mommyfaithe]

Evidentally her version reads "in spirit and in boots"

 

:lol:

[TXMomof4]

Ah, it's nice knowing someone else is from a similar mold! Hubby gets an elbow from me... maybe a kick would be less obvious? :) Fortunately, neither is needed that often.

 

Sweetly put your hand on his neck and pull those little baby hairs. That gets him sitting up straight! And you look like an affectionate loving wife.:D

[Mynyel]

Honestly? It is because of people like that I don't go to church nor ever intend to :) I can walk with the Lord just as good at home. :)

:grouphug:

 

:grouphug: