Sororities? Are you an alumna? Would you let your dd do this?

[TravelingChris]

It looks like dd will only be applying to schools in the south and Texas. THat may change but right now that is what it looks like. Many of the schools have a significant Greek scene. If you were in a sorority, what did you consider the advantages? If you had the funds, would you recommend, stay neutral, or not recommend sororities and why? I went to a school with no sororities so I am not very familiar with them.

[scubamama]

:lurk5: Bumping this one up.

 

I wasn't in a sorority unless you count to Nursing Honor Society...no parties there! I got a pin and a plaque at a tea party with the elderly nursing instructors as hosts. Then I had to go back to work!

But, I did go to a state school that way 60-70% Greek. It was amazing to see so many letters. I feel like I have a head start in teaching that to my kids in the future ;) My DH taught at Lehigh University - serious money and lots of fraternities/sororities. There are fabulously beautiful old mansions on campus that are Greek houses. His dad was an alum there and has fun memories of his time in the frat....he's 70 now, so it's been a while!

I'm also curious to see who was in a sorority and/or general mom thoughts on our kids joining.

I will have to see how my kids turn out as they mature!

 

Michele

[Amy loves Bud]

It looks like dd will only be applying to schools in the south and Texas. THat may change but right now that is what it looks like. Many of the schools have a significant Greek scene. If you were in a sorority, what did you consider the advantages? If you had the funds, would you recommend, stay neutral, or not recommend sororities and why? I went to a school with no sororities so I am not very familiar with them.

 

No, I wasn't in a sorority. The idea did not appeal to me at all. Then my freshman roommate (potluck) was in a sorority and it didn't seem all bad. She encouraged me to rush as a sophomore, but by then I had a busy enough social life that I lost interest again.

 

Then at the beginning of our sophomore year I got to hear from her what was going on behind the scenes at rush and I was disgusted. The competition for these girls and things like ripping girls' photos apart when they had the nerve to cut the sorority before the sorority cut them. No thank you.

 

Also, I went to Texas A&M which wasn't heavily Greek at the time, so only about 5% of girls who rushed didn't get chosen by a sorority, maybe not even that many. That was such a blow to those poor girls to be in the 5% that was unwanted. Truly awful.

 

So no, I wouldn't encourage my child to do it. If they wanted to I wouldn't try to stop them, being adults and all, but they would have to fund it themselves, and it ain't cheap.

[amy g.]

If I had a child who wanted to, I would truly believe she had been switched at birth.....or maybe that aliens had stolen her brain.

[Harriet Vane]

I was not in a sorority, but dh was in a fraternity and his sister was in a sorority. One of my dearest friends was also in a fraternity

 

I don't remember what your beliefs are (forgive me). Dh and the others I have mentioned above were/are Christians whose faith is central to how they live.

 

There were Christians who felt/feel that it is wrong to go to that heavy-drinking, heavy-partying environment.

 

Our years of experience, and that of various Christian friends in the Greek system, was that some houses are really rowdy, and some are not. Our experience was also that dh's (and our friends in various houses) Christian beliefs were absolutely respected.

 

Dh grew very close to his fraternity brothers and still keeps in touch with some of them.

 

The houses vary quite a bit in style. Some houses are known as party houses--there are some houses that I would not want my kids to join, as I think the drinking and partying would be very hard on them. Other houses are not so focused on that aspect. However, unfortunately, every fraternity/sorority I interacted with through friends did have partying/drinking as an aspect of that life. BUT so did the dorms, quite frankly. A sorority that is supportive and friendly may just be a better, more supportive environment than some dorms in terms of respecting a person's boundaries.

 

If my own children wanted to rush a Greek house, I would ask them to consider a few things:

 

--The expense. It really, really adds up. The house fees are pretty high, and there are always events and things that require more fees. Members are required to attend a certain number of events. There are also clothes to be considered--the standards are pretty high. And there are tons of miscellaneous expenses, like buying silly little gifts for your Pledge Mom or buying sweatshirts or jewelry, etc.

 

--The atmosphere. I would ask them to please, please consider carefully which house they rush, to choose a more laid back, friendly, supportive house rather than a known "party house."

 

--Their faith. What is their plan for remaining true to what they believe? With a plan in place, it's very, very doable. Some houses have members who participate in prayer or Bible study groups, so they can support each other that way. My dh was one of two active Christians in his house for a couple years. At times he felt like the odd man out, but most of the time his beliefs were respected and even supported. (He had a great house--we both treasure his friends from that time.) By the time he was a senior his house had a Bible study, and he really appreciated the support and added dimension to the fraternity friendships there. Along with considering faith and a plan, I would think it important to investigate what more formal faith support options there are on campus, such as a Greek InterVarsity Christian Fellowship chapter.

 

--Their personality: introvert or extrovert? Without question, this is a system for extroverts. There is a LOT of expectation for socializing. I have known a few introverts who liked the Greek system for the built-in friendships and event structure, but found that the people who really LOVE the Greek system are primarily extroverted. In our family, I doubt my dd would enjoy a sorority as she is more introverted and has a strong preference for small groups rather than crowds. My ds, though, might really enjoy a fraternity as he is more extroverted and also athletic, so it might be a good fit for him someday.

 

One warning I have--dh and I and our friends have been soooo saddened over the years by the judgments placed on the Greek system. It's all too easy to perceive the entire system as one morass of drunken sleeping around. It is part of the reality in the system just as it is at colleges in general, but we have found that most Greek students are normal people and have been good friends. As I said above, the houses vary quite a bit in personality, so the key is to find one that supports your boundaries with good, respectful friendships.

[FairProspects]

Alright, well I was in a sorority, and yes, I would let my daughter rush (not that I have one :D) and would highly recommend it.

 

Pros -

1. Great way to make a large university smaller. Nearly everyone who is Greek has formal or informal events with all the other houses. It is perfect for freshman to want to meet people and have scheduled events.

 

2. Accountability for grades - all Greeks have to do a certain amount of study tables per semester and depending on GPA that amount increases or decreases, you can even be put on academic probation and fined if you don't bring up your grades and study enough.

 

3. Instant roomates & friends, plus people looking out for you. You are assigned a big sister to help you with your roomate situation, help you find your classes, check on how you are learning university policy and in general help you adjust to the college life.

 

4. Sororities are dry!! No alcohol allowed in the house.

 

5. All female!! Some sororities do have boy visiting hours (mine did not), mine allowed males only on the bottom floor, never on the upper floors (other than moving day), which I loved. No finding some guy in your room after coming out of the shower! This is definitely not the same experience I would have had in my university's co-ed dorms.

 

Cons-

1. There is a significant party scene in the fraternities. You can make some great friends who also would rather study & have fun without alcohol, but it is there and you should be aware it will be there.

 

2. There are many rules attached to a sorority, curfews, chapter meetings, etc. Your presence & compliance is required or you can be fined. The more independent students may find these rules stifling.

 

3. Rush - rush is hard, there is no way around it, but it is no worse than how girls treat each other outside the Greek system. Much of Rush has to do with grades, how many credits a girl has, as well as her extra-curricular activities and nothing to do with looks. It is just a hard process, because it is a sorting process and houses can't bid everyone. Because it is a cross-matching selection system it does work out in the end for all parties and I knew very few people (probably less than 1% who were unhappy with their house bid).

 

I had a fantastic time in the Greek system and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I knew many more people who were unhappy and had a hard time in the dorms than in our sorority (although there were 1 or 2 in my pledge class for whom it didn't work out). I'd be happy to answer any more questions and I hope your dd finds whatever living situation works best for her!

[Mad Jenny Flint]

The chapter at my university is now defunct. It was never one of the more popular chapters on campus, and the girls were not known for being partiers or for being especially good-looking. It was a great, down-to-earth group of girls, though. And we had our share of parties of all kinds. There was underage drinking at the parties. There was a little bit of other adolescent shenanigans, and some drama. There were fraternity boys. 'Nuff said.

 

Some of the sorority rush stories of negativity happen, for sure, but mostly at our chapter it was a kind process. Most girls cut us before we cut them, though. So, we were kinder than other chapters who had girls crawling over each other to join, I am certain. Some of the ritual at meetings and special occasions (initiation, pledge activities, etc.) seemed a little stupid to me, but there are many groups in the adult world that have similar rituals that I find a little- well, unecessary.

 

There is a lot of good to Greek life. I was Membership chairman for two years, and Panhellenic secretary (over all sororities on campus) for my senior year. These opportunities helped me to learn cooperation and responsibility above and beyond the classroom. We also did a lot of volunteering/philanthropy. It was a great way to meet people who weren't in my classes, or who were not my class year. Some of my best girl friends were in my chapter, and I have a lot of good memories of my involvement there.

 

So, all in all, I think it is a good experience. However, I think it takes a mature young person to enter in and get the good experiences without opting for any of the (potentially) bad ones. I am really on the fence when I think about it for my own daughter. I would want to weigh it carefully, and I would probably want her to contribute to the expense. I would want to keep her close and hear about her experiences. I would want her to make good choices- but that stands whether she were involved in the Greek system or not.

 

I WOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT RECOMMEND IT FOR MY SON. NOT A CHANCE IN H***. I saw too many of my friends and classmates getting hazed in fraternities. I think it is very common with young men to engage in that when they become part of those groups, and the drinking can become more than a little problematic. These issues far outweigh the positive experiences that might be had for young men in fraternities.

[Starr]

Living in a college town I can assure you that not all sororities are dry!

[angela in ohio]

I was in Delta Delta Delta. :D I was not really the sorority type, but I had a prestigious scholarship and could get what I wanted. ;)

 

For me, it would depend a lot on the child, and a lot on the sorority. Having been inside the Greek system at a state school, I can tell you that some of the fraternities and sororities were gross and wild, and some were just nice groups of kids getting together.

 

The advantage was the companionship. There was a sister in whatever organization you wanted to join on campus, in whatever major you were in, etc. There was always someone you knew, which was nice, as you could get inside information or get ahead. I think for men a serious advantage is making contacts for later in life.

 

The downside was the time commitment. For some of the sororities, the downside was the wild side.

[chaik76]

Alright, well I was in a sorority, and yes, I would let my daughter rush (not that I have one :D) and would highly recommend it.

 

Pros -

1. Great way to make a large university smaller. Nearly everyone who is Greek has formal or informal events with all the other houses. It is perfect for freshman to want to meet people and have scheduled events.

 

2. Accountability for grades - all Greeks have to do a certain amount of study tables per semester and depending on GPA that amount increases or decreases, you can even be put on academic probation and fined if you don't bring up your grades and study enough.

 

3. Instant roomates & friends, plus people looking out for you. You are assigned a big sister to help you with your roomate situation, help you find your classes, check on how you are learning university policy and in general help you adjust to the college life.

 

4. Sororities are dry!! No alcohol allowed in the house.

 

5. All female!! Some sororities do have boy visiting hours (mine did not), mine allowed males only on the bottom floor, never on the upper floors (other than moving day), which I loved. No finding some guy in your room after coming out of the shower! This is definitely not the same experience I would have had in my university's co-ed dorms.

 

Cons-

1. There is a significant party scene in the fraternities. You can make some great friends who also would rather study & have fun without alcohol, but it is there and you should be aware it will be there.

 

2. There are many rules attached to a sorority, curfews, chapter meetings, etc. Your presence & compliance is required or you can be fined. The more independent students may find these rules stifling.

 

3. Rush - rush is hard, there is no way around it, but it is no worse than how girls treat each other outside the Greek system. Much of Rush has to do with grades, how many credits a girl has, as well as her extra-curricular activities and nothing to do with looks. It is just a hard process, because it is a sorting process and houses can't bid everyone. Because it is a cross-matching selection system it does work out in the end for all parties and I knew very few people (probably less than 1% who were unhappy with their house bid).

 

I had a fantastic time in the Greek system and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I knew many more people who were unhappy and had a hard time in the dorms than in our sorority (although there were 1 or 2 in my pledge class for whom it didn't work out). I'd be happy to answer any more questions and I hope your dd finds whatever living situation works best for her!

The sororities at our college were not dry. And none had "no boy" rules (for that matter, the dorms weren't dry and didn't have no boy rules either).

[hillfarm]

I was in a sorority at a small, private college. It was kind of nice to have an automatic social life. I also learned quite a lot about working in committees and with people who were very different from me, with very different ideas. I did make some good friends and I received a lot of valuable support.

 

OTOH, yes, there was a lot of drinking and unwise relationships. We weren't forced to participate, but there was a lot of expectation to do so. And our sorority was definitely NOT dry.

 

I would be a little surprised if my dd wanted to join one. But I don't think I would try to stop her. I would defnitely go over all the stuff about drinking, dating, etc. But we would have covered all that multiple times (probably ad nauseum) before she started college anyway. I would also encourage her to check out several of the various special interest clubs available at most colleges and universities. I can imagine that my dd would probably enjoy the hiking club, paddling club, international dance group, etc. more than a sorority. IMO, she would like a club based more on activities she loves than one based primarily on socialization and activities that she knows are questionable at best.

Edited January 13, 2010 by hillfarm

[elizabeth]

 

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/28767/book_review_secret_life_of_sororities.html Read this tell all and then you will not need to ask. FWIW I was in a professional fraternity for philosophy students and another for academics. I attended a private Jesuit university. While some of the members of sororities were perfectly decent, most, if not all were completely insipid at best and drunken floozies every weekend. The cream will always rise to the top and there is no advantage to sorority life that cannot be accomplished another way with far less discrimination , class warfare and frankly keeping oneself a perpetual teenager with zero emotional development as your gang is always there . I was rushed, begged and cajoled by the dominant house as I was thin, wealthy and attractive . That is all they cared about. Flame away.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Greeks systems vary greatly by campus. My experience was very similar to FairProspects. It was a very positive experience for me. I did choose a sorority with an emphasis on academics and getting involved on campus over partying (not to say that it didn't happen, but for most of my "sisters" that wasn't nearly as important.)

 

Some people say that it is only for extroverts. I have to quibble with that. If you are the kind of introvert who does not want to be around people at all, then perhaps I would agree that it would not have been a good fit. I am an introvert. I enjoy being with people, but do need my "cave" to go home to. Being in a sorority helped me branch out and try things I would never have had to confidence to do without their encouragement. It really did help me meet people and make the university a much smaller place.

 

The cost issue was a problem. I really do think that they needed to be much more up-front with the real costs. The regular expenses were not much more than dorm living. However, it was the extras that started to get it.

 

If my daughter wanted to do this, I would encourage her to keep her eyes open - to look for people with similar values and to be sure that she could afford it.

[Laurel]

I also recommend the book Pledged that elizabeth recommended. It's a fascinating read.

 

That being said, my sister is in a sorority and loves it. She's made some great friends, she is in a leadership position, she's won the award for highest GPA in a semester several times. Her sorority is dry (and they do actually follow that rule), but practically that just means that they go to the frats to party. She does drink/party but not any more than she would have if she were not in a sorority.

[FairProspects]

All 26 National Panhellenic Conference sororities are by definition "dry" - they do not allow alcohol at sorority sponsored functions and alcohol is not allowed in sorority sponsored housing. This is required to maintain a chapter's charter. Do individuals ignore it and get caught/fined/punished (or I'm sure get away with it in some cases)? Of course they do, but Nationals requires dry "houses" which is why all the partying happens at Fraternities. Of course it doesn't work perfectly, but because there was more of a risk to breaking the rules, in my experience, sororities were far drier than the dorms (which personally I appreciated).

 

As for boy rules, I'm sure they vary by campus and depend on if your chapter has a house or a collection of apartments or dorm rooms, but I went to a large state university and every single one of the 15+ sororities had extensive boy rules (some were more lax than others, but they were all fairly strict). Despite their reputation, sororities actually have a fairly conservative history (for better or worse) and rules.

 

ETA: I do actually recall an instance during my Junior year where we voted to have boy hours from 3-5pm on Fridays and were told by our Nationals that we were not allowed to do so. Although, I did know other houses whose Nationals allowed them to have boy hours as long as they did not exceed a certain amount of time and were during approved times.

Edited January 13, 2010 by FairProspects

[stripe]

I have read about some that are very straight-laced, but I think the wild ones would put your daughter in a dangerous situation in terms of alcohol and rape/assault; the same holds for those who attend parties who are not actually members. This certainly warrants further discussion about how to behave herself and what to do when she is being pressured in various situations and whatnot. It's not always easy to know what to do.

 

I had a friend who belonged to a sorority whose motto (a secret motto, no less...ponder the implications of that for a moment) was purity. I will say no more on the matter.

Edited January 13, 2010 by stripe

[Crimson Wife]

My sorority experience was very much like Jenny Flint's and very little the stereotype that Hollywood and folks like Alexandra Robbins perpetuate.

 

Did we encounter some girls from chapters at other colleges who did fit the stereotype? Yes. I hate to sound like a snob, but the chapter at the local no-name state school were total bimbos. We rarely did anything with that chapter though we did plenty of stuff with the girls from the flagship state university and a nearby private Catholic college.

[Heather in AL]

I was in a sorority at a relatively small local college that had very few dorms and no sorority/frat houses~~~ however, the college has grown and there are now plenty of dorms and the old dorms are now "Greek Street".

 

The sorority I was in was a joke. Constantly looking to recruit new members to increase their numbers & pad the bank account for the ever elusive 'House'. The required meetings were tedious and revolved around the next frat "mixer" that were were all forced to attend. When RUSH came about, we were forced to sing/dance or do some other stuff that I had no place doing (trust me, you do NOT want me to sing or dance! :lol:). Not to mention the $$$$.... $$ here for this prop, $$ there for a dress for that mixer, $$$ over there for the 'commemorative brandy snifter' for the mixer, or the $$ for this special T-shirt and that special T-shirt, oh and don't forget the car decals and cute teddy bears and jewelry.... it went on and on.

 

Another thing about RUSH is that it is required to participate..... and if you have out-of-the-country family members visiting that you haven't seen in 10 years and may very well NEVER see again (due to their ages) and ask for a four hour 'time off' to visit with them, it doesn't matter... it's RUSH week and you HAVE to go sing and dance.

 

Oh, and the big sister/little sister thing was a joke. I hardly knew my big sis and my little sis didn't like me.

 

I quit the day I was told I *had* to attend RUSH and 'sorry about your family, but RUSH is important'. And, no.... I didn't see that family member again.....

 

I'm telling my kids that they will NOT join.... the instant friends didn't happen and it isn't a guarantee, and it's a huge time commitment with little return. Plus, if they don't join, they will be invited to all the big stuff anyway, as everyone will want them, so they won't be left out.

 

Did I say "no way" yet? :lol::lol::lol:

[Joanne]

1) My college did not have greek life. I'm glad, it's not my "thing".

2) Our individual dorms functioned as our social group.

3) I would not finance my college child's particiaption in one.

4) I would not presume to decide participation for my child - even if I was financing part of their education.

[OrganicAnn]

I was in a sorority (Tri-Delt - hey sister Delta Angela in Ohio).

 

I think it varies greatly from college to college and from sorority to sorority. There was a built in support system. But also a built in party system. I was the shy studious type, so it worked well for me. I also studied more and could concentrate more in the sorority than in the dorm.

 

It was also cheaper than living in the dorm and the food was better.

Edited January 13, 2010 by OrganicAnn

[meet me in paris]

Yes, I was, and NO, I wouldn't.

 

Looking back, I can't believe I even joined a sorority... I think I only did it because my older sister did, and I thought that's what everyone did. It didn't occur to me that I could find friends in other ways.

 

I will agree that sororities do offer some good opportunities - I was a V.P., involved in Panhelenic, etc. But the negative opportunities FAR outweighed the positive. I was exposed to some really horrible stuff.

 

When my girls go to college, I will not encourage them to do anything "greek". If for some reason one of them is interested (I can't imagine either of them would be) we would have to do some serious soul searching.

[hillfarm]

OrganicAnn reminded me...the food! The food at our sorority house was great! I still cook a few of the recipes from my years there in my home today:).

[Mrs Mungo]

If I had a child who wanted to, I would truly believe she had been switched at birth.....or maybe that aliens had stolen her brain.

 

:iagree:

[funschooler5]

If I had a child who wanted to, I would truly believe she had been switched at birth.....or maybe that aliens had stolen her brain.

 

:iagree:

[Heather in Neverland]

Yes I was.

 

No I would NOT.

[....]

I was an Alpha Phi Omega and highly recommend this to anyone looking for a fraternity/sorority.

 

It's co-ed, so technically it's called a fraternity.

 

It's the fraternity former President Clinton belonged to in college (not that I'm a huge Clinton fan)...

 

It's a Service Fraternity - we were required to complete a certain number of community service hours every semester, along with 2 fellowships. So...one semester we built a haunted house for inner city kids in Chicago, we ran some kind of eyeglass donation box on campus, we worked at a food donation warehouse, etc. For our fellowships...we would meet for dinner at a restaurant in Greek Town (OK, you can tell I went to college in Chicago) or we would have a fraternity meeting in one of the conference rooms on campus. The craziest thing we ever did was have a candlelight meeting where we all had to say something interesting about someone else in the fraternity.

 

There was no drinking, no parties, no hazing and everybody was older and using APO to get into med school or law school. :D

 

It's called APO or Alpha Phi Omega and it's a great way to belong to a fraternity/group and make some friends. They were also telling us it looks really good on your resume - because a lot of older people belonged to fraternities like that - back in the day.

[Danestress]

I was in a sorority at a large Southern University.

 

I pledged my sophomore year, which was good because it gave me a chance to really see what life was like for my friends who pledged as freshman, and also gave me a chance to make friends on campus, some of whom were in sororities, some of whom were not.

 

The pros: The sorority I pledged had some of the nicest, smartest girls I knew at college. Many of them were leaders in campus life. I purposely chose a sorority with an academic standard and a culture that encouraged girls to participate in philanthropic organizations. There were some really strong Christian in my house, some of whom I still am in contact with.

 

We had a beautiful old house in which we could eat all of our meals (a certain number of meals a month were paid for as part of our fees). I also lived in it for a period. We had dinner every night in a pretty dining room with candles and cloth napkins. Any night I wanted, I could go up and have a normal meal at a regular time, prepared by loving hands (our cook, Betty, who we loved). This was the only place in my college life when I sat down with people who all ate the same food, and having grown up in a home where everyone ate meals together, it gave me a feeling of steadiness and comfort. And most of the girls were nice to each other, so it was a "safe" place. We also could eat lunch there, though that was more casual.

 

I studies abroad my junior year, and by my senior year, I was already a bit sick of the whole sorority thing, which brings me to the "cons:"

 

Cons: Mandatory weekly meetings. I hate meetings, and I hated giving up my Wednesday nights for mandatory house meetings (I think we could miss a couple a year). And when a large group of women that age have a meeting, it can go on for a looooong time.

 

I also hated rush. I really can't tell you how bad rush was. I don't remember any particular meanness. We were really strict about not being ugly or petty about the girls who were rushing. We had this thing where if we really didn't think a girl should be advanced we would say, "I just can't see eating lunch with her every day." I can't remember a single time someone said something meaner than that publicly at a meeting. I'm sure there were meaner private conversations. Mostly we just voted for who to advance, and the competition to get in was fierce so we didn't have to beg girls to come and definitely didn't have hurt feelings when they went elsewhere.

 

But rush is still horrible. It takes up a lot of time, you have to learn and sing really really stupid songs, and it's just hard to be in a position of choosing girls to be in your sorority because you know some girls will be disappointed. That part was really bad. I sincerely hated rush week both as a pledge and as a sister.

 

As for the alcohol and partying, I think it was no more than elsewhere on campus. Yes, we had mixers with fraternities. I didn't go to a lot of them. But surely there was alcohol. There was alcohol everywhere in college. We could not serve it in the sorority or in our official functions. There were party girls in my house, but I don't think I gravitated to that, so there may have been more than I remember, but I know that I fit in very well as someone who tended to want to go home at night and go to bed so she could get to class in the morning.

 

For me, being in a sorority wasn't about the mixers and the fraternities. It was about cultivating relationships with other women, sharing a sort of "family" life with them where you can live together (options) and eat meals together, encourage each other, look out for each other. If a pledge was having academic difficulty, we knew, and we would find help for her. If a pledge (or a sister) was having problems with a boy friend or with alcohol or with finances, someone was trying to help her and give guidance. All of that was good. I probably am forgetting that there were girls there who were brats. There must have been. But really, even though I really am not a "joiner" in life, I can say a lot of good things about my sorority. But I do think mine was different from what a lot of them are like. I've definitely heard horror stories.

[Shelly in IL]

It was a fun experience for us at the time, but looking back I would not encourage my sons to join - but are welcome to have their own opinions - if they pay their own dues.

 

I met my husband through that system - so I totally don't regret it. It doesn't describe my recipe for fun or social life at this juncture, thank God we matured past that point!

 

The house I lived in had a no boy/no alcohol ruling, as well. I guarantee you that rule was broken most nights of the week! But yes, the house provided good food.

[TravelingChris]

Thanks for all the posts so far. My dd has not expressed a desire to be in a sorority so I am not asking because she is clammering to be in one. But I went to the University of Chicago and if anything, people dressed down over there. My only exposure to sororities was from movies and tv and I don't think that is a fair image necessarily. at all. I did want to get opinions about them since it is wise to consider options.

 

WHen we lived in Florida, the girls in her youth group were always trying to get her to go to their school dances or even better, to school. They kept trying to convince her she would be popular. While she thought they were nice girls, she also thought they were cracked for thinking she would be popular since she is quiet and not prone to chit chat. What she didn't know, and I didn't inform her so as to not inspire a big head, is that they were right and she was wrong. She has the looks, the body, the dress, and the smarts that make someone popular. I know that in jr. high and sr. high I went to, there weren't any girls who resembled her and were unpopular. They might not be super outgoing and bubbly, but they certainly were quickly included in some group. It is the nature of social groups.

[....]

U of Chicago!! (You're right - the Chicago campuses are VERY different from colleges in other states.) You're from our neck of the woods! We both went to UIC - off Taylor and Halstead and my husband then went to the old Scholl Podiatry School off LaSalle (? - they ended up going under and merging with some big college near Gurnee Mills). The Alpha Phi Omega chapter I was talking about is on the UIC campus.

 

Awesome! :seeya: Howdy!

[MomsintheGarden]

I was in a sorority, and dh and I agree that we will not be allowing our dc to participate in Greek life at college. A friend who had already pledged coerced me to join because she wanted a "sister" that had the same major.

 

My sorority did not have a house, so I can't address that. We did have an apartment building at the time. Now our chapter has a house.

 

Many of the girls were nice, and a few were studious. Most were rather spoiled, immature, party-types. I lived for a year in a townhouse (bought by one of the girls' parents so she could have the experience of living on her own) with three other girls. They were sweet, but didn't have the foggiest idea of how to do anything around the house. One of the girls took her laundry home every week to have the maid do it. The other two took theirs to a laundry service, and had their mothers come every once in a while to clean for them. None knew how to pick up, clean, cook, etc. I was amazed, but I guess it was a good cultural experience.

 

I agree about rush and the weekly meetings - they were an incredible waste of time. We'd spend hours arguing about the color of an event t-shirt (must buy one for everything) or which fraternity we would do homecoming with. Not my thing!

 

As said before, there was a lot of drinking and "boy-type" stuff. A LOT of the girls were drunks. You were expected to date boys from certain fraternities. Spending money at a rapid pace was encouraged. There were also pagan rituals, and just plain silly activities. We did do a couple of charity events, but mostly we spent our time planning and attending formals and parties, so many that they weren't special anymore.

 

I guess what bothered me the most was that all the above (and my challenging major) kept me so busy that it was difficult to pursue more natural friendships at their own pace. My big sister was studying for vet school, so she spent no time with me at all. My little sister was sweet but we didn't really connect (we both tried, though). While the girls were pleasant, it always felt forced and somewhat fake. I never liked voting on who would be included, especially after our sorority decided to try to make themselves more "exclusive."

 

OTOH, a couple of my sorority sisters became quite famous. Reg and I occasionally see them on tv.

 

Our son goes to a large state university where Greek life is present but not overwhelming, so he isn't affected by it. We told him we would not pay for his school if he joined a frat. When looking for a college for our daughter, who is more timid socially, we purposely avoided colleges that have Greek organizations. I am amazed at how the social life at many small colleges, both secular and Christian, is dominated by Greek life.

 

I am very thankful I met Reg (dh) outside of the system!

 

GardenMom

[Mad Jenny Flint]

I never said sororities are dry. Only that the focus in fraternities is much more on alcohol as a part of their activities and their bonding. In my experience.

[Remudamom]

I was a Chi Omega, Nu Beta chapter.

 

Of course, it was about 100 years ago, but I wasn't aware of any drunkeness, lewdness, whatever. Dry as a bone. No guys allowed past the parlor. Excellent food. The older girls were very kind to me **cough** Sela Ward **cough** and helped me with classes, teachers, whatever.

I wouldn't have made my grades first semester without them.

 

I was raised to be a Chi O, there was never any question that I would not be in one of the top five on campus.

But I didn't like the mold, and don't want my dds participating. I'm much more interested in them finding a good like minded church community where they go to school.

Edited January 13, 2010 by Remudamom

[asta]

I find it interesting that some of the posters in this thread have stated that their kids may well end up rushing a sorority/frat, but that they, the poster, isn't going to pay for it.

 

Who paid for the poster's greek experience?

 

 

a

[Remudamom]

I find it interesting that some of the posters in this thread have stated that their kids may well end up rushing a sorority/frat, but that they, the poster, isn't going to pay for it.

 

Who paid for the poster's greek experience?

 

 

a

 

My parents paid for everything. Cars, sorority, apartment and shamefully a maid to sometimes help with cleaning. I have much better sense than my parents, and make my kids work. The world does not need more RMs.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I find it interesting that some of the posters in this thread have stated that their kids may well end up rushing a sorority/frat, but that they, the poster, isn't going to pay for it.

 

Who paid for the poster's greek experience?

 

 

a

 

My parents paid up to what they would have paid in a dorm. The fixed costs were, at that time, just a little bit more. I had to come up with any extras (dances, fees for anything else we did.) That was pretty much how my parents treated extras for anything in college. We had an agreement before I left what they would pay for and anything beyond that was my responsibility.

[TravelingChris]

With dd1, we won't be paying more than a minimal amount for college expenses so we may end up helping some more with other expenses like sorority or club dues of any kind.

[Vida Winter]

I was in one and dropped out (of the sorority- cough, cough, same one as Remudamom) after about a year and a half. I obviously would not recommend them; friends were made but it is honestly not the place for a serious student. As I got into my major and serious study time was required, I had to keep missing sorority events and getting fined. I resented the demands on my time and money, so I left. I joined at my mom's request; I wish I had steered clear of the whole thing.

Edited January 13, 2010 by Dana in OR

[Tess in the Burbs]

I was in a sorority but not your normal sorority kind of gal and actually chose not to be active when I changed schools.

 

I think the choice can only be made once the school is known. Every school has a different scene. My own sorority at my first college was great but when I transferred I didn't want to be a part of the sorority at that college. They were bigger and pretty much told me their requirements were too hard for my major ;-) I told them not to expect me. I was shunned and a pledge I knew told to stop talking to me!!

 

I didn't stay there long and moved again. The new school didn't have my sorority. but a year later they came there and I was able to be an advisor. This group was too laid back, lol!

 

Seriously, 3 schools and all three were so different in the sorority.

 

So make the choice when you choose a school.

 

That said, yes, I would let my dd join if she was doing ok in school. Not her freshman year. Sophmore year if she was getting good grades. I would encourage her to find out the info on the greek scene and really decide if she wanted to be part of that. I don't regret being in my sorority. I had a lot of great leadership opportunities and met some amazing women. It has it's downsides though. People do judge you if you are in one. People either approve and are in it or they don't and hate all who are. Something to think about.

[Crimson Wife]

I find it interesting that some of the posters in this thread have stated that their kids may well end up rushing a sorority/frat, but that they, the poster, isn't going to pay for it.

 

Who paid for the poster's greek experience?

 

 

My college did not have housed sororities at the time I went, so the only expenses I had were dues and costs associated with the stuff we did. I don't remember exactly how much it was, but it wasn't a ton. I paid for it with birthday/Christmas gifts and money from my part-time and summer work. One of my best friends in the chapter came from a modest background, and the local alumnae chapter gave her a scholarship for her dues and many of the other expenses. They even paid for an outfit for her to wear at Preference Night during Rush.

 

DH's frat had a house and living there was actually cheaper than living in the dorms.

[KidsHappen]

The world does not need more RMs.

 

You are one of a kind but I think the world could certainly do with a few more like you. ;)

[chaik76]

I was an Alpha Phi Omega and highly recommend this to anyone looking for a fraternity/sorority.

 

It's co-ed, so technically it's called a fraternity.

 

It's the fraternity former President Clinton belonged to in college (not that I'm a huge Clinton fan)...

 

It's a Service Fraternity - we were required to complete a certain number of community service hours every semester, along with 2 fellowships. So...one semester we built a haunted house for inner city kids in Chicago, we ran some kind of eyeglass donation box on campus, we worked at a food donation warehouse, etc. For our fellowships...we would meet for dinner at a restaurant in Greek Town (OK, you can tell I went to college in Chicago) or we would have a fraternity meeting in one of the conference rooms on campus. The craziest thing we ever did was have a candlelight meeting where we all had to say something interesting about someone else in the fraternity.

 

There was no drinking, no parties, no hazing and everybody was older and using APO to get into med school or law school. :D

 

It's called APO or Alpha Phi Omega and it's a great way to belong to a fraternity/group and make some friends. They were also telling us it looks really good on your resume - because a lot of older people belonged to fraternities like that - back in the day.

APO was the frat I attended the most parties at in college. They were definitely a service fraternity, and they did tons of service. They were studious and invested in their future careers. And they had lots of parties. I have no idea if they were supposed to be dry but the one on my campus was not. And yes, they hazed. It wasn't as bad as the hazing in other frats, but it did happen.

[chaik76]

I was in a sorority, and dh and I agree that we will not be allowing our dc to participate in Greek life at college. A friend who had already pledged coerced me to join because she wanted a "sister" that had the same major.

 

How could you possibly forbid your adult child to do something? Because, I mean...if they want to, they can. You really don't have much say unless you won't pay for college if they do or something (I paid for my own college and I was an adult...my family had no say in my major or where I worked or what I did. I listened to their advice, took what was applicable and went on my way. I expect and assume my children will do the same. They will, after all, be adults when they enter college, and presumably capable of looking after themselves and making their own choices).