Does anyone have a 13yo ds or dd that is not the moody teen?

[Deece in MN]

I have seen a few posts lately about this age group and I had a conversation with a few moms who all have a ds or dd this age. I keep hearing how they are moody or defiant or sullen or whatever else is used to describe the typical 13yo. :)

 

I am wondering if anyone else here has a 13 yo who is not this way? I can't describe my ds in any of the usual terms I see and hear used to describe a 13yo because he is just not that way.

 

Now, lest you think I am bragging (which I am not), I am asking because I am trying to figure out if my ds is just not normal or if I am in for a shock sometime down the road?

 

I do have to say that he has never conformed with the typical age descriptions (terrible twos and whatever else there is). He has always been an even keeled type person.

 

Anyway, should I be preparing for a major meltdown when everything catches up to him? ;)

[Barb_]

I have seen a few posts lately about this age group and I had a conversation with a few moms who all have a ds or dd this age. I keep hearing how they are moody or defiant or sullen or whatever else is used to describe the typical 13yo. :)

 

I am wondering if anyone else here has a 13 yo who is not this way? I can't describe my ds in any of the usual terms I see and hear used to describe a 13yo because he is just not that way.

 

Now, lest you think I am bragging (which I am not), I am asking because I am trying to figure out if my ds is just not normal or if I am in for a shock sometime down the road?

 

I do have to say that he has never conformed with the typical age descriptions (terrible twos and whatever else there is). He has always been an even keeled type person.

 

Anyway, should I be preparing for a major meltdown when everything catches up to him? ;)

 

No, my 13yo is a doll although for a while it seemed her brain had oozed out her ear. Some kids are just easier. My 17yo was impossible as a 13yo, but she has had more moments of that throughout her childhood as well. My children with the more challenging natures seem to really ramp it up during the difficult ages.

 

14 is a lovely age, though. Such a nice reprieve after 13.

 

Barb

[j.griff]

I don't think my 13.5yod fits those descriptions. My DH would disagree though, :D

I think we all have our own individual "issues", and the intensity varies per person, as does the understanding and judgement of such issues/intensity. :D

[Sandy in Indy]

I kept waiting for "the shoe to drop" when dd became a teenager. I held my breath through 13...14...15.....16. Started to relax about then! We were able to maintain a wonderful relationship all through her teen years--and still enjoy a very close, loving relationship.

 

DS is 17 and moody once in a great while. I usually can joke him out of it...if not, I leave him alone a while and he soon reverts to his normal, happy self. We're pretty close as well.

 

I really LIKE as well as love my kids.

[Karenciavo]

Me! One 13, one 14. Boys.

[Remudamom]

Our triplets are 13, two boys, one girl. They have rare icky moments but for the most part no problem. And my now 15 yr old just doesn't do icky. She's on an even keel all the time.

[Jackie in AR]

My twin 13yo boys aren't moody or defiant or sullen.

 

One of them does, however, like to point out the shortcomings in his female siblings. We're working on that, mostly by talking about it and pointing out why it is not a good idea.

 

These two boys have always been pretty compliant and really just pleasant to be around most of the time.

 

And I'm not bragging either. They are just easy kids, and we've always had lots of compliments on their behavior. They have made our parenting job easy. So far. ;)

 

Their two sisters are coming up right behind them, though, and I've got inklings that we'll earn our keep with them. Not that they are really "difficult"; they are just "different." :D

[PrairieAir]

LOL! My 13yods, my third child and younger son, is like that. He has always been a people pleaser. He so wants to do right. In fact, he is less sure of himself than his older brother who was very defiant at that age (and for a while before), and I think some of that is because he just wants to be right and good and loved by all. We do work with him on boosting that confidence. He's really starting to come into his own now and he seems to have missed out completely on that moody, sullen stage. That's not to say he doesn't have his moments, but they are just that--moments. He's back on track very quickly.

 

17yods is fine now, too, and has been for some time. Thank God it was just a phase:)

[Only me]

My oldest dd (16 in July) wasn't overly emotional at 13. She has always been very easy to get along with. Puberty hit late for her (last fall) and I would say that the year or so has been the most difficult. She has also been going through a lot emotionally lately with health issues and schoolwork but I'm sure it has a lot to do with the hormones.

 

On the other hand her younger sister (13 next month) has always been very laid back but over the past month or so she has been all over the place emotionally. I have the feeling that she is going to reach puberty sooner.

 

I'm sure that different kids handle things differently. Hopefully your son is just having an easier time of it than many kids.

[gardenschooler]

I've got 3 dds. The middle one is just very easygoing, very cheerful, and pretty much likes everybody. She's has had a few bouts of moodiness this year, but they've been minor blips on the screen. When she does get aggravated, she takes it out on her sisters, not me (smart kid!).

 

I'm convinced the personality of each child and the relationship w/mom has a lot to do with how much of a trial they are in these teen years. But most especially, the personality.

 

Unfortunately, she's sandwiched in between two that are the exact opposite. I can't believe I've lived to see the day that oldest is almost 16 - I thought for sure that girl would do me in! She still has frequent fits, even at her age. It's most unbecoming, but we're still working on it.

 

I'm bracing myself for the youngest. She's only 9, but she seems to be givng oldest a run for her money on the crown (drama queen). I had to remove a splinter from her toe today, and it took hours. We had to talk about all the ways she'll probably die from being subjected to me wielding a pair of tweezers.

 

I'm so thankful to have a little reprieve, with my easy going middle dd!

[cin]

FUnny you should post this...My *6* yr old DD has been crying and screaming for the past 10 minutes and slammed her bedroom door 3 times...:glare: I cannot begin to imagine what she will be like when she is 13:willy_nilly:

[Colleen]

Regardless of what I'm dealing with today with my oldest son, he is definitely not what I'd describe as moody. Most of the guys I know around that age aren't moody, for that matter. Some of them are more sullen, some more defiant, but moody isn't really a word that comes to mind. I think my son is very respectful compared to many young people today, but at times he can definitely direct hostility my way, as is evident today.

[Renee in NC]

Mine isn't and he went through early puberty, so it isn't coming. He has his moments, but I would never characterize him as moody or sullen. He doesn't have fits, rarely is disrespectful, and obeys mostly without complaining.

 

He also has always been in ps. ;-)

[Deece in MN]

Regardless of what I'm dealing with today with my oldest son, he is definitely not what I'd describe as moody. Most of the guys I know around that age aren't moody, for that matter. Some of them are more sullen, some more defiant, but moody isn't really a word that comes to mind. I think my son is very respectful compared to many young people today, but at times he can definitely direct hostility my way, as is evident today.

 

I know it may have seemed that way because of your recent post. Yes, your post sparked a thought, but is was a thought that was building because of other posts and conversations I have had in the past week or so.

 

I had a conversation about a week ago with 3 other moms, all of who have a 13yo (one has a dd the other two and I have ds). All three of them were talking about the attitudes of their dc and how they are having troubles with their 13yos. Two of the moms have put their 13yo in ps because of the problems (one is bringing her dd home soon, the other I am not sure of) and the other mom is just having some issues.

 

The one I am good friends with said (jokingly) that I could not be part of the conversation because I don't have issues with my ds. The one mom went on about how it is normal and natural for these issues to be happening as it is part of growing up. I was feeling like my ds was a freak because he is not that way. Don't get me wrong, I am glad he is easy to get along with and is not giving me troubles, but I started wondering if he really is that odd.

 

Now that I have asked and have found out there are others like him, I won't give it another thought. Now as I am typing I am thinking we maybe don't hear about kids like this because they don't cause issues. Just thinking outloud.

 

Oh, I don't usually think of boys as being moody either, but I wasn't asking about boys only so that is why I used that word. I do have a dd who is approaching 12 and she can be described as moody. She is not defiant or giving me attitude, but everything is such a big deal. :rolleyes: She is definitely a different personality than my ds.

 

Thanks, everyone, for the responses. :)

[Deece in MN]

Ok, I just re-read my original post and the title. I didn't remember using moody in the title so I guess I did use it generically for boys and girls.

Sorry that I didn't realize that in my last post.

[Tap]

:)

 

 

Dd9 on the other hand has had a few days recently where she just couldn't stop crying and couldn't figure out why. I suspect she will be a little harder on me as a teen. :001_huh:

 

 

Their personalities are radically different. Ds13 will go to the extreme to be obedient. Dd9 will push the limits to every extreme, but not cross the boundaries.

 

Ds13 has a very strong faith, a natural teacher and a servant's heart. He will make an inspiring adult and father. :grouphug:

 

DD9 is full of life and song. She can light up a room and enjoys finding her own way. She will be the adult with pictures of places in the world she has been and things she has done.:auto:

[Plucky]

Mine isn't sullen or moody. I loved 13. We are now in 14 and so far so good. We did bump heads a little when he first turned 12 but I attribute it to me still treating him as one of the little kids. When I gave him the respect he deserved (and this trickled down to his sibs) it caused an incredible growth in our relationship. We talk a lot when things get stressful. Ds knows I'm on his side and so there aren't any major issues - yet. :)

[Amy in Orlando]

One of my twins seems to have skipped the moody/snarky stage his other brothers have experienced off and on. It doesn't surprise me - he was an easy baby too. He's just a mellow kid.

[JennW in SoCal]

I'm so happy to hear about 13 yos who remain easy-going! My oldest was a piece of work at that age -- it was a very rough time for all of us. But my youngest who turns 13 this weekend, is very easy going, and I've wondered if and when we'll go through the rough hormonal waters with him. Maybe things with him will stay a bit more mellow as he never has been quite as extreme as his brother was.

[Renee in NC]

I figure that the next ds (who is 10 now) will more than make up for his brother's lack of hormonal issues. If he lives to see 13.

[SparrowsNest]

My 13.5 is a dream compared to how he was at 12. I was wondering which one of us would make it out alive (him, me, or my husband!). I wouldn't wish 12 on my worst enemy.

 

Now he is much, much better.

[Frontier Mom]

He has never really been like this before but, since he has gone through a major growth spurt and is taller than me, he tends to be a little critical to his other two brothers. Of course, they haven't gotten to that spurt yet. I keep telling him he better watch it or they are going to be calling him "shorty" soon.

 

For him, I think it is just a lot of changes going on and how do I deal with this age. I'm just trying to love him through it. I remember those years being really tough.

[CLHCO]

There is very little moodiness from them and I know they intentionally try to maintain a reasonable disposition despite internal fluctuations. We've discussed it before so I know it's there, I'm just truly in awe of how the approach everything.

 

Yes, we have our parental battles. I've had to do things recently like threaten to have them draw for an extra chore if I have to hound them to complete their regular ones. They have been known to argue now and then. But this is typical parenting stuff. They don't go bonkers at me for such challenges and for that I am eternally thankful.

[CLHCO]

Rats, you can't edit titles. That should read "I just adore MY 14 year old twins".

[Pamela H in Texas]

My 15yo is a dear. My son will be 13 next month and we have occassional incidents but he tries hard.

 

Seems they are weird by most people's standards. I'd take weird over the alternatives any day.

 

I do think there are some considerations:

 

Child's temperment ( I have an easy and a more challenging kiddo)

parental temperment

how each person sees themselves, each other and the situation

how each person sees their role, others' roles

discipline (early and ongoing--and by this I mean what has been taught and learned well...I do think our differences regarding discipline helped)

life circumstances

other influences (I think our faith makes a difference)

etc.

[Anne/Ankara]

My ds age 13 is also on a fairly even keel-- still a lot of puppy in him, but maturing nicely and very good tempered. Good kid, with no signs of adolescent angst, yet, at least!

[RoughCollie]

Two of mine are hard to deal with sometimes, DD more than DS1.

 

The other two are sweethearts most of the time.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

For a while his atitude was driving me crazy. Praise the Lord he has emerged from his 13yo mood. I think too things have helped, playing guitar and finding a friend that has a lot of similiar interests (computers, engineering, robotics etc) They spent 5 hours last week building desk at his friends house and the first thing they did when thye finished was call me over to see it. They are a lovely family and his mom and I have a lot in common. Ds and I also talk a lot more now about non-school things.

[6packofun]

and my ds is not what I'd call moody, but our dd is. Rather, she continues to be a moody child. :)

 

While I think that the teen years can be a tumultuous and emotional time, I think that our society continues to perpetuate a stereotype that younger children are basically good with "phases" of naughtiness as they test their boundaries, but as soon as they hit 12-13 they become basically rebellious or difficult with occasional good moments. LOL

 

I'm reading a book called The Good Teen and I agree with the problem it tries to address: Teens are broken and need to be fixed or we just hold our breath and wait out the issues we "can't" control. There are certainly tough times, but most of us don't have problem teens like the world wants us to think! (not that anyone here has said that their kids are "problem teens.")

 

The teen years are a really exciting time, where the rubber of our parenting meets the road! Sometimes the smell of spinning tires and the sound of screeching rubber can jolt us--maybe into action rather than reaction!?--but we're really getting somewhere!! LOL

[Paz]

I think a lot of it depends on personality. Both my kids ds now 18 and dd now 15 are very rational when it comes to conflict and challenges. They look at things logically and calmly. I am the one usually freaking out. My kids think I just need to chill. :chillpill:

[Brindee]

My ds16 (17 in May) was a bit more trouble to deal with, and he was nicer to his dog than to his younger siblings, but he never rebelled, nor was he moody, per se. He definitely had moments when he quietly drove us crazy, but he loves his famaily, and would actually say things like, "You should see my mom do that, she's really good at it!" Talked and read young.

 

My ds14 is a sweety-poo. He talks a mile a minute and wants to joke about everything, which can get annoying. He loves children and wants to be a pastor. As long as he gets a good amount of sleep he's great. He can be a little snarky when he's tired though. He never threw a tantrum. In fact, people called him the happy baby or happy kid, cuz he always smiled! He was so laid back that he wasn't even interested in learning until he was about 7 1/2. Then he went "from 0-60" in no time!

 

My dd11 is a little angel. She's always been a joy (that happens to be her middle name)! She is musically inclined and has a beautiful smile. She was the "mascot" of our church--everyone knew who she was and wanted to hold her---it was her bubbly personality and cute smile, I think. She walked and talked young. Was always singing as she played and "worked". Never threw a tantrum! However, she has her little moments where she gets bossy or pouty. But she doesn't WANT to and is so sorry afterwards!

 

Neither of my boys are "terrible teens", and I'm so hoping my dd stays sweet as she gets older too!

[Janet in WA]

You're not alone. I wouldn't say that our sons went through any teenaged-onset moodiness.

[Jill- OK]

Well, I have one 14yog, and my oldest son will be 13yo next month.

 

They're absolutely great kids...no sullen behavior, bad attitudes...they're a joy to be around. We have a great time.

 

When others posted about "Oh, 8 is a terrible age...", or, "11 is the WORST, next to puberty...", in the past, I couldn't relate. I haven't seen a specific age related to bad behavior. (Well, except for 3. :-)

 

I don't see any reason why it should change. They're definitely going through physical changes, but it hasn't been a huge, horrible deal. At all.

[ACEmom]

I have twin 13 year-old daughters who are a joy to be around. We have a lot of fun together.:party:

 

Now, I also have a 10 year-old daughter who is a sweetheart MOST of the time. We do have our moments, though !:banghead:

 

I love them all dearly, and consider myself very blessed indeed!

 

Jerriann

[Brindee]

I don't see any reason why it should change. They're definitely going through physical changes, but it hasn't been a huge, horrible deal. At all.

I agree! People told me, "Wait 'til they get to be teens. You'll have problems then!" I never wanted to assume that because they are teens they will be disrespectful and problems.

 

Of course, that doesn't mean they won't make mistakes and bad choices now and then, that's part of learning and growing up! But, as Jill said, it doesn't automatically have to be a huge, horrible deal!

[Aunty Social]

No, my 13yo is a doll although for a while it seemed her brain had oozed out her ear.

Barb

 

When I read this, I thought you were talking about my daughter:lol:.

 

My 13.5 yr old is also primarily sweet. She has occasional bouts of moodiness (especially around math time:D), but overall is much more even keeled than some of her friends.

 

I'm in for it with my 8yr old though!:eek:

[Peela]

My 13yo dd is love, joy and happiness incarnate. She has her moments, but they are brief. She is a cheerful,bright, confident kid. I have friends who fight with their kids and they tell me the bad times will come, but I think this kid just doesn't have much to fight about, or sulk about. She was a happy baby, a happy toddler, a happy child, and now a happy teen. The other day I asked her to vacuum the whole top floor of the home- it's a big home- and while her 12yo brother was throwing a wild, angry tantrum about having to do far less, she gave me a dark look for a split second, then went and did it, and that was it. Dh and I were talking today...her two "dark issues" or however you would say it, are that she is easily influenced by her peers, and she is lazy.

Her brother is very different, but he has one of those tempers that flares up and then dies down fairly quickly as well.

I have one kid who I wonder what I did to deserve, because she is so easy to parent, and another who has made me grow so much in patience and ...patience....I know I am a better person for being his mother, and I love him to bits too of course, theres no preference at all. :001_wub:

When my dd was a baby, people used to tell me I must be a really good mum, since she was my first, and she was just so easy and sweet with everyone, especially me....then came her brother....there went that theory.:001_smile: But if I had only had my dd, I would never have had any empathy for other parents. I just wouldn't have understood how hard it can be, and how helpless you can feel, and how much you can love a difficult kid. Not that he is sulky in that teenage way, but he has just been a highly emotional kid from the start.

 

They are all so unique, arent they?

[ereks mom]

ER was a bit moody at that age, however. Dh said he was that way as well. He says his dad referred to it as "the grouchy age", and says it usually comes sometime between the ages of 11-15, and typically lasts a couple of years.

[Jenny in Florida]

My 13-year-old daughter has her days when she's cranky, but nothing like I was at the same age. And she has the hormonal thing going on, but she is aware of it and refuses to let it rule her life.

 

I know that, for me, the thing I hated the most about my life when I was a young teen was that I felt I was wasting time. I was stuck in high school, which I hated, and wasn't allowed to do anything "real." No one took me seriously, and all I could look forward to was another four years of the same.

 

That experience informed many of the choices we have made as parents and was one of the primary reasons we were willing to consider letting our daughter go away to school so early. We hoped that, by allowing her the opportunity to do something "real," to get on with her life in a meaningful way instead of forcing her to tread water for years until she was "old enough," we would help her to bypass some of that misery.

 

So far, so good.

[threetreasurs]

Some of mine have been moody at that age and at least one has not been. I think it depends on personality and other factors.

[Hillary in KS]

My 13 yo ds isn't moody or sullen at all.

 

He has moments of impatience with his younger siblings, and I have to remind him that whatever he's upset about is really *nothing.* But on the whole he's a great kid. No mood swings or sullenness here!

[Elm in NJ]

My 13 year old has his moments especially with my 9 yr old(everyone has moments with that kid. He is enough to drive even a saint crazy). But on the whole, he is a great kid. His brains sometimes seem to disappear for long stretches of time, and he is pretty forgetful, but I really cannot complain much.