Have any of you had kids more than 5 yrs apart?

[sarawatsonim]

My dd just turned 5 and I am thinking more and more about having another baby soon. My problem is that I have had feelings of guilt lately over waiting so long. My dd always talks about having siblings and I am concerned that they won't have a close relationship because of the age gap. In all honesty though, I just wasn't ready to have another baby until recently. I had a tough pregnancy and labour, I had depression, my marriage was going through some big troubled times. It just would not have been the right time.

I think I just need some reassurance that I haven't totally ruined the chances of my children being close.

 

Thanks,

Sara

[caitlinsmom]

FWIW- my brother and I were 2 years apart and despised each other for most of our lives. It wasnt until we were around 26 and 24 respectively that we could manage to have a decent conversation.

 

However my sister and I that are 5.5 years apart are best friends and talk at least 100 times a day. We werent as close when I was in high school but that was mainly because of distance (our parents were divorced, we each lived with a diff. parent). We enjoy each others company and see the world just differently enough to always have something interesting to say to each other.

 

Good luck with whatever choice you make.

[vettechmomof2]

We have had many miscarriages in between the birth of my 2 children.

My daughter is a summer baby born in August and my son is a winter baby vorn in Dec. he just turned 5 and she turned 10 this last summer.

Except for the annoying sibling squabbles they are the best of friends.

They adore each other and always look out for each other.

We have continued trying for more children and if we do have more then there will be another large age gap between them but I am not too concerned about that.

Go for it if you can handle it, I would love to have another.

[KatieJ]

I have HUGE gaps in my family. Same husband, same marriage, I figured just thought we needed to grow up between kids!

 

From DD #1 to DD #2 there is exactly 5 years.

From DD #2 to DS 1 there is 6.5 years.

 

and then, From DS #1 to DS #2............19 months. I guess God figured we could handle it then!

 

Are they close? Absolutely. The oldest DD was/is an extremely mature kind of personality and very much a mother's helper thru her whole life. My 2 daughters are as close as they would be if they were closer in age. What I mean by that is that their personalities are so different that if any thing their relationship suffers because of that.

 

Both DD are so much older than their brothers, but they cherish them in their life. Both sons are getting married early next year and 3 of the 4 grandchildren will be in their weddings!

 

Absolutley, go ahead and have another baby!

[SapphireStitch]

My kids are 12 years apart. This wasn't our choice, but we dealt with secondary infertility and miscarriage so it just ended up being that long.

 

My daughter asked for a sibling for years, and was very happy when her little brother was born. Of course they don't have the same kind of relationship they would have had if they were 2 years apart, but they are still good friends.

 

The only time I feel bad for my son is on the days when he feels like he's the only "kid" around here. His sister is an adult, she can drive, she works and has her own money, etc. I have to try to remember to be sensitive to how frustrating it must be to be the youngest one with that much age difference.

[Kfamily]

My girls are 5 years and 50 weeks apart and they are very close. Of course, they are rather unique in that my older dd is very young at heart and my younger dd is rather mature for her age. I also raised them with strict attention to being good siblings to each other. I never allowed my older dd to snub my younger dd or speak down to her in any way. She is a fabulous big sister and my younger dd is always expected to conduct herself with consideration (more so now than when she was too young to do that) for others and if she wants to play with the big girls than she sometimes got reminders that she then has to act like a big girl (no fits for not getting her own way all the time while at the same time my older dd would get reminders when needed to not dominate every play session just because she was older). Hope that makes sense! They are very loving to each other and it shows. I also encouraged that. I don't think age has anything to do with it... I think it is all in how they are raisesd.

 

Hope that is encouraging! My older dd is almost ready to take on some babysitting responsibilities so that is an unplanned bonus. I know she will do a great job.

[BridgeTea]

My kids are 29, 20, 18, and 11. How's that for spacing??

 

The 29yo is close to all 3 younger ones, although it has meant vigilance on his part, especially once he left home at 19. He meets up with them at church, family dinners at our house, and keeps contact with the 2 middles via facebook. He comes over to play with the 11yo.

 

The two middles - the 18 and 20 year olds - are probably the least close at this point in their lives. But I think they'll be close again someday. There was some sibling rivalry there they might need time to mature out of, I don't know!

 

I would never worry about spacing. It seems to work out. I always wondered what it would be like to have a 5yo and a newborn! I guess I'll never know. =)

[sarawatsonim]

Thank you for the reassuring experiences. It has been a tough year and this has really been bothering me lately. Maybe I am just more emotional than usual, but I appreciate the responses.

[mommyto3]

Mine will be 8, almost 7, and 5 when this little one is born. This pregnancy wasn't planned and I've worried about the spacing, but not much too do about it now! I'm sure it will be just fine. DD4 is the most excited about the baby and DS7 is excited about helping.

[Jann in TX]

My 2 older girls were best friends until puberty (7 years ago)--this past fall they actually started talking to each other again--and today they are on an outing together! (they had to commute together to the CC and that forced time alone helped!)

 

The younger one is pretty much on her own--her older sisters will OCCASIONALLY talk to her or play a game... Oldest dd has been paying more attention to her lately... Both of the big girls ADORED youngest dd as a baby--but once she got to be 2--forget it! We do LOTS of family activities (especially game night) and we all get along!

 

DH is 10 years younger than his brother--he has ZERO memory of his brother paying any attention to him as a child... they are now great friends---once Dh graduated college their relationship blossomed!

 

Our spacing was due to secondary infertility and lots of miscarriages/still birth....

 

Jann

[Carrie12345]

I've always been closer to the sister who is 7 years younger than to the one who is 3 years younger. Personality plays a much bigger part than age.

 

Ds#1 has siblings who are 2, 4, 5, 8 and 9 years younger. He's not the lovey-dovey sort, so I wouldn't call him particularly close to any of them, but he has different special connections to each of them.

He was an only child until he was 4 (the 9yo is his stepbrother.) He accepted his growing family with absolutely no complaint. My 6yo, otoh, still resents her 2yo brother a bit. ;)

 

There's no such thing as "perfect" spacing, imo!

[danybug]

I think no matter what it will be a blessing for everyone. You can have children close in age with terrible relationships and vice versa. There is just too many other variables that determines, shapes and molds a relationship besides age difference.

 

My personal experience is with my ds who is 7 yo than my dd. They are always together and he is so protective of her. When he has friends over she marches right in with the boys and they allow her to play with them. I think it is just so wonderful when I think of the bond they have. And I think one of the biggest variables thus far, has been the fact that we homeschool and they are able to be together everyday and grow up together.

[tdeveson]

Mine are 17 years apart. :001_huh: They have a wonderful relationship.

[Irene Lynn]

My sister and I are nearly 6 years apart. We are not close, but that is not due to our age difference. We are just very different. We are fine with each other, just not close.

 

Our own children are 13.5 years apart. They remind me of my sister and me, just further apart. Somehow, I think they will be closer than we were, partly because they are male and female and partly because they are even further apart. My ds and I are the younger and fiestier ones. My sister never could defend herself well. Our dd is older and finally old enough to stand her ground and not be afraid of her little brother. She is old enough to see the charm in him and just love him.

 

Personally, I think that all age spans can be close or not depending on the children and/or the families involved.

[Crimson Wife]

FWIW, my DH is closer to his brother who is 12 years his junior than to his sister who is only 3 years younger.

[LibraryLover]

I do. The children each have special & individual relationships. There was only excitement about the pregnancy and my oldest dd was thrilled to have a sister finally. They are 6 1/2 years apart in age and they are very close. The oldest used the baby as a 'chick magnet'. lol He still does. :tongue_smilie:

 

Spacing, no matter what it is, is no guarantee that the sibs will have good relationships. Family tone, and personality mixes matter most, ime.

 

My own younger sister is 10 yrs younger than I am, and we are extrememly close. I am currently babysitting her son, while she Christmas shops for us both. That's friendship! lol

Edited December 19, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Mabelen]

My daughters are 7 1/2 years apart. We also dealt with miscarriage and secondary infertility. The older one is 13 and the younger one is 5. They love each other and play together quite a bit despite the age difference although they also fight as much :001_smile:.

 

My oldest is the quiet, book worm type while my youngest is more social and physical. Our challenges stem mostly grom the fact that my youngest is very competitive and feels she should be able to do what her older sister does, with a large age gap that is obviously not possible...

[Jennifer in MI]

My kids are: 13, 12, 9, and 3.

 

Each of the older boys has a wonderful and unique relationship with their baby sister. They are all wildly protective of her. They read to her. They play with her. They are teaching her to write her letters and to read. They can't wait until she is in the karate classes that they teach. It's absolutely WONDERFUL!!!! GO for it!

 

I am one of 6 and I'm closest to my sister who is 8 years younger than I am. Always have been.

[LinRTX]

My four are almost 24, 20, 16, and 9. They are incredibly close to each other.

 

Linda

[Tam101]

My kids are nearly 12-year apart in age. Yes, same Dad! They are very close and adore each other despite the age gap and my daughter being gone most of the year at college.

 

Here is a Scrapblog I did of them, looks like I need to do some updating to it. http://www.scrapblog.com/viewer/viewer.aspx?sbid=241283

[Dobela]

There is 7 years between my 2 children. They are amazingly close. Yes, the 2 yr old does annoy her brother at times, but they do just adore one another. I really think homeschooling has played a part in how close they are. Plus, my ds wanted a baby for so long that he so far really treasures her. The hard part for me has been keeping them both in separate age appropriate activities. Sometimes she is really too young for his activity and he doesn't always want to attend toddler play dates LOL.

[Alphabetika]

I have three girls. My oldest was 4.5 when #2 was born. Oldest was 15 when #3 was born, #2 was 11 when #3 was born. They will certainly have different relationships than if they were closer in age, but that's okay! My girls are in love with their little sister (4.5 months old now) and have all sorts of plans how they'll homeschool her when the time comes! My oldest says she'll have her littlest sister over for weekends when she's married. And the two oldest are much closer as a result of homeschooling than they would be if they'd been separated daily by school. Let go of the guilt and do what you're led to do - you won't regret it!

Edited December 19, 2009 by Alphabetika

[Jen in PA]

My sisters are 17 months, 6 years, 9 years, 11 years, and 13 years younger than I am. I consider the one 11 years younger to be one of my best friends. I think it has much more to do with personality than spacing.

[SonshineLearner]

I've realized that you have children because you believe you should, not so they can "be close". My brother and I are 6 years apart, I love him but I'm not close to him. We could be 12 months apart... but we wouldn't "be close." It's not because we're far apart age wise... it's because he's just totally different, and we aren't alike at all. I suppose that if you have enough... really fast... that maybe some of them would be close... We have 4.... 17, 14, 11 and 6. The oldest 2 are my steps... they live with us half time. Funny, but the 17 and 11 year olds are closer thant the 14 and 11..... and then 14 and 6 year old (daughter and son) are buds...

 

Carrie:-)

[SW in IL]

My oldest and my middle children (both girls) are 7 years apart. The oldest doesn't want anything to do with anyone in the family (she's 23 now) but I figure she'll come around eventually (mostly the influence of her "life partner"). My middle child and my youngest are 14 months apart and rarely get along.

 

My fiance is 12 years younger than one of his sisters and 18 years younger than the other sister (he's the youngest of 3). They all get along pretty well, especially the 2 girls.

 

I think age has less to do with it than personality/temperament.

 

Go for it.

 

Sue

[Karen in CO]

My oldest and middle are almost 11 years apart. Not what I would have chosen, but they are close. My oldest is now an adult and mentor to the girls. His biggest regret about going away to school is not being closer to his sisters. They love each other, read together, cook and do chores together, and play together. They even pick on each other. Right now, my dd9 will only do math with her brother since he is home from college because she prefers the way he teaches. I never worried about them being close - I was too busy enjoying them and teaching them.

[zenmom79]

I am pregnant. When this baby is born I will have 5.5 years between them. I had 5 miscarriages in the last 3 years which prevented me from having them closer. I did have 2 children 2 years apart and they are close. I don't see why this will be any different.

[nd293]

I agree that it's personality rather than spacing. My sister and I are 3 yrs apart, and don't get on well, never have. I planned on 4 years apart for mine, but with miscarriage and secondary infertility I ended up with 6yrs and 3 months as a gap. I think they will get on OK as they are older, but for now dd9 is pretty resentful of ds3. I think it's partly her personality, and partly that she received too much attention as an only. The household became too child-centred, and that meant her-centred and she has had a very hard time adjusting to that changing.

 

I don't regret a bigger gap, but we benefited more from it for the first 18 months when dd was at school and I had the mornings to focus on ds. Having them both at home is exhausting, and I always feel like I am short-changing someone.

[amy g.]

The ages of my kids are in my signature.

 

My 15 year old has always been close to my 13 year old. They are constantly laughing together. My 15 year old is inseparable from my 3 year old. Dh lost his temper and yelled at Miss Bossy, who was being a brat. Later, he made me promise not to tell m oldest. He was afraid she'd never forgive him for "being mean to her baby".

 

My 11 year old and 3 year old are very close, and pay together several hours each day.

 

My sister is 3 years older than I am. we were never close until we became adults. My brother is 13 years younger than I am. he and I have always been close.

[stripe]

The fact that your daughter talks about wanting siblings is the sign that they will be close, not the age itself. I was very close as a child to an older cousin, and I still think fondly of all the things she taught me how to do -- like blow bubbles with gum. You, and your daughter, sound like you're in a good place now.

[katemary63]

My kids (all with my DH of 25 years) are all close.

They are

 

DD 24

DS 23

Only 15 months apart

DD 18

4 1/2 years apart

DD 8

10 years apart

 

Our last is 10 years younger then the rest. She is adored by them all, except that she and DD18 have some sibling rivalry, believe it or not. DD18 things she should be treated and respected more like a second mom and tries to act like one. DD8 thinks her SISTER is too bossy and doesn't like being controled. :lol: Other then that, having a much younger kid has been a BLAST for all of us.

[laughing lioness]

My 2 sons are over 5 years apart, they are now 15 1/2 and 9. It's a gap but doable. I say go-for it.

[Sandy in Indy]

My kids are 21, 18 and 9. The older ones are very close and both of them have a great relationship with their younger brother. They were a bit shocked when he came along. (We told them about the baby on March 31 and they thought it was an early April Fool's joke!)

 

My siblings and I are spaced 6 years apart, so my brother is 12 years older than I am. We weren't terribly close as kids but have a great relationship now.

 

I think a lot depends on **you**. How your family functions...what kinds of things you encourage, etc.

[Kari C in SC]

My kids are almost 21, 11 and 5. When my oldest was 9, we decided to have another baby. We had miscarried when he was 6, but didn't try again until later. He loved having a baby sister. They were/are very close. I think a great deal of that came because we homeschool. It was very normal for us to go to co-op or a friend's house where kids of all ages were together. When our dd was 5, we decided to have another baby. Our ds was born 2 days before our dd's 6th birthday. Our oldest was nearly 16 at that time. Again, our oldest was thrilled to have a baby brother. He stayed with me the whole time through labor and helped with the baby. Our dd was okay with a baby, but it wasn't her ideal. I won't lie to you, the younger two fight about tons of stuff. I think that may be normal for kids. I hope! LOL! Anyway, I don't think there is some magic amount of years between kids. If you want another child, then have one. My oldest ds is stationed in Alaska these days. We just recently got a webcam. A couple of days ago, he called his little brother on Skype. He played some head banging type song for him and the two of them danced on the webcam together. They are over 3000 miles apart and nearly 16 years apart in age, but they love each other. Blessings to you!

[sunshine]

No, you have not ruined their chances for a good relationship. They will have a wonderfully unique relationship where the young one matures the older one while keeping her/his heart young. The older one will nurture and mature the younger one. It will be wonderful. Then have another one pretty soon after that one and you will have the best of both worlds.

 

I have the best of both worlds. We had secondary infertility between the son and daughter and their's was a 8.75 year difference. She is the one that my son takes with him everywhere and last night coming home from a Christmas show, his was the shoulder she lay against. They go to dinner together alot just the 2 of them and he has influenced her likes and dislikes tremendously. He has picked on her, been mean and grumpy, he has taken her to ancient performances of Gregorian Chanting, he has mummfied her and taught her to play violin a little. I could go on and on.

Her little sister is 3 yrs younger and they play side by side every day. Best friends. It is a blessing I smile at every single day.

 

Now everyone is asking for little brothers. Like I can pick them up at the store:confused:

[sarawatsonim]

Thank you all! You have helped me out and filled me with positive feelings. I am having a really bad day today and your posts made me smile. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences.

 

Sara

[Pretty in Pink]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I wanted to share with you that my sister and I are eight years apart and we are really the best of friends.

[PeterPan]

My two are 9 1/2 years apart, and they are the absolute closest of buds, so sweet together!! Just do it. :)