ChristusG Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Just curious about what others do.... I've always told my girls that all toys in the house are shared. It just makes it easier than the "that's mine" arguments. Now if one of the girls receives a gift for their birthday or Christmas, it is kind of "off-limits" from the other child for a few days since it is new. But after that, it is a shared item. And often, if I see that one child is consistently playing with something for days/weeks in a row, then I'll make a mental note of that and if an argument breaks out over that particular item, then I will tell the other child "Well, sissy has been toting that around for a few weeks now....she likes that right now and you need to let her have it back." (Usually, the only argument like this is if one child is attempting to annoy the other one.) For the record, my girls are 2 years, 11 months apart....I know that larger age differences will matter more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Yes, they have their own toys. Sharing doesn't seem to be a problem. My one stingy kid is learning quickly that her sibs won't share with her if she's over selfish with her things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Perhaps it is because I have a girl and a boy but they have shared toys and then their own special toys which were given directly to them. Their own special toys are for them play with individually or to share. If someone breaks someone else's toy through excessive roughness or carelessness then they must replace it. Shared toys are toys that were given to "the family" or were bought at garage sales etc. for family play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommyRyan Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Most the toys in our house are shared. We do not buy many toys for birthdays unless they ask for them. The children are permitted three toys to keep in their room that are *off limits*, but they generally pertain to the kids' individual interests (my daughter has completely off limits ballet shoes). Generally, they like to share their toys anyway, because otherwise they don't have anyone to play with them. But we thought it was important to give them that right, because we have a very large family and want the kids to feel they have some individuality and their own private space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 My girls are two years apart, they just turned 5 and 3. All toys here are shared unless it is something the younger really can't have. Craft sets are theirs if purchased as a gift but I encourage sharing and they generally do. They also have special things that are just theirs (dolls, a leapster for the older, a certain car the younger loves). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 95% are shared. Each girl has their own special baby dolly, a few special items of their own, but the rest are shared. We give each girl their own gifts for Christmas and birthdays, but the expectation is that they will share (Legos, blocks, etc.). We explain to them that we can't double up on everything, and this way they get more variety. They honestly seem to understand this for the most part. The girls also share a room, and their toys are stored in their room. We don't have a designated "toy room". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Share. If one of them had had a special toy, I would have respected that and worked around it, but they were always OK with the pile. Well, they always had their own particular presents they opened, but it all became communal pretty quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 My dd's are 2 years, 6 months apart and they have their own toys. They have toys they share also but we don't say all toys are shared (and we don't have a problem with sharing). There are things they buy with birthday money and gift cards and I would not tell them they had to share those things with each other. When the newness wears off they always share their things with one another but I am hesitant about making it a priority. I don't buy them gifts for special occasions with the intent that they will both use/play with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 The kids have their own special toys AND we have toys that belong to everyone. Toys/games that are given to a child (birthdays or holidays) are NEVER *expected* to be shared, but the kids usually like playing together and so will frequently share. The rule is, though, that an individually-owned toy must be given back to its owner if the owner asks for it nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patchfire Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Mine are farther apart, but there are both shared toys and individual toys. Anything in the common areas is fair game, even if it was "originally" just one kid's. They are required to ask to borrow individual toys, but they aren't required to always say yes to requests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Anything in the common areas is fair game, even if it was "originally" just one kid's. Ah, yes. We have this too. It came from oldest constantly leaving his complicated Lego creations out on the table and on the playroom floor... when along came little brother who has a new-found love for Legos and... (you can figure out what happened next!) So, oldest must now keep his Lego creations up in his room or on a shelf out of reach if he doesn't want them taken apart. Actually, the rule is true for everyone: no complaining (or revenge) allowed if you leave your special toys all over the house and they get played with... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Both. I have a 10yo girl and a 7yo boy. The vast majority of toys they share (legos, lincoln logs, train set, etc.). Some are private possessions. For example, I will never ask my daughter to share her Molly American Girl doll with her brother. I don't care if he does want to put her in his Darth Vader Build-a-Bear outfit. The answer is, "NO." Likewise, my son does not have to force his Transformer Bumble Bee to undergo countless hours worth of tea parties. Some things are just sacred. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Anything in the common areas is fair game, even if it was "originally" just one kid's. This is true here as well. Someone mentioned Legos as an example, and that's about right for us, too. I have kids of differing genders and I have never insisted that they share toys, but they do anyway. Some days they play in his room with his stuff and other days in her room with her stuff; yet other days they play in the hall or living room and combine things. Then, of course, there are the days when the whole house explodes in toys! The only 'official' shared toys are the Play-Doh, art supplies, and kitchen paraphernalia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenneinCA Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 The special critters are special and belong to one child. Ds5 has a bunny and a little blankie that are his alone. Ds9 has his blankies. Dd11 has her piggy and Herman. But Legos, Duplos, board games and most other toys are shared. Certain kids play with certain toys more often. Dd11 hasn't played with the aircraft carrier ever. Ds9 hasn't touched the stuffed kitties. Ds5 isn't interested in the colored pencils. But all of these would be shared if someone else wanted a turn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 We have shared and individual toys. We have a wide range of ages soo that definitely plays into it, but I don't have a problem with individual ownership of items. I guess that extends to dh an I too, LOL, as I have my own checking account and we don't open each others mail. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Both. Some things like blocks, a lot of their books, board games, etc. are shared. Other things like dolls, stuffed animals, some special books or book sets, etc. are not shared. They know which toys belong to both of them and which ones are their own, but have learned that it's more fun to share regardless of who the toy actually belongs to. They also know better than to flaunt a toy to the other if they want to keep it. If a conflict comes up I might ask that the toy that started it be put away if it is something special that they don't want to share. They are usually pretty good about sharing unless it is a toy that dd5 is afraid dd3 will ruin (a very legitimate concern :D) or if it is one of dd3's special stuffed animals (she sleeps with 5 or 6 now.... :lol:). They are 26 months apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Most of the toys are shared, but Christmas and birthday presents belong to whoever received them. When my oldest were little I used to get them a lot of shared presents at Christmas, so almost everything was shared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 (edited) Same boy/girl thing, but some are shared. Sister shares much better, especially now that she's 7. When they were both little, I took the advice of a homeschooling friend, the toys were all Daddy's because he bought them (a little later lawyer mode came in and they asked about gifts from Grandparents and such, but we worked that out that those were Daddy's too somehow.) While this sounds really strange (Daddy really doesn't want any of them), it really helped, especially when they were little, it diffuses things somehow if the toys are all Daddy's. I thought she was crazy until I tried it myself, it was remarkably effective in cutting down of the number and intensity of sharing incidents! (We also, once they are old enough to understand, talk about how all our money and things and toys are actually God's...so, having the toys be Daddy's is a small scale version of this.) Occasionally now if they're having a huge fight about something I'll bring it up, but they generally share well now except right after they get a new toy. Edited November 17, 2009 by ElizabethB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 We have a very few prized possessions that don't have to be shared. Everything else belongs to the child who got it for 48 hours after they receive it. Then it's a family toy and it is shared. Although, we've never yet <touch wood> had an issue with the kids not wanting to share a toy with their sibling. We're very lucky in that respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsabelC Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 We do both. The kids have some individual stuff, and it lives in their bedrooms. Stuff that is for anyone to use lives in the playroom. If they leave their things out in the playroom, those things are up for grabs by other children until they are put away in the owner's bedroom. We have found this system works well for visiting children as well. It means that our kids have the choice of whether to invite the visitors into their rooms or not, and whether to share their toys or not. If they are not feeling sociable, it's no big issue because the guests can still play with whatever they want in the playroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Most is shared. They all share a room and have a play/toy room so most is in common areas. They have their own DSs and they each have a drawer they can put special things into and they know they are NOT allowed into each others drawers as they each keep their allowance, scout bling, awards, etc....in there. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Many shared toys (esp generic things like blocks) + some designated personal toys. I think adults go overboard with the sharing business, since we don't like to share our stuff with everyone, including our own kids! I think if there is a big age difference, there might be additional issues with the younger child breaking the older kid's stuff where the older child certainly deserves some space. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 :lurk5: I'm trying to navigate these waters right now. Help me with this one. If birthday and Christmas presents are individually owned in your home, what do you do with gifts that existed before youngers were born? Our extensive Thomas train collection was collected in the two years before my second ds was born. By rights, they are 95%+ owned by ds5. However, then ds3 would always be the looser when they argue over them. Same goes for the Imaginext castle guys, the CARS vehicles, etc - all the good toys. Also, how do you keep track of who owns which toys? How do you remember that Thomas, Henry, Ben, Bill, and Percy were given to ds5 but Edward, Terrance, Alfie, and Diesel #10 were given to ds3? We have a toy room, but the boy toys are mostly kept in the boys' shared bedroom. I'm not trying to be snarky. I'm just trying to come up with a way for my kids to "own" toys practically and fairly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Mine each have a Rubbermaid tub for special toys and things on the beds arre off limits, but other than that they share. Since there is a 10 year gap between oldest and youngest, I do have to monitor the little one since he try to play with things he will break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Now if one of the girls receives a gift for their birthday or Christmas, it is kind of "off-limits" from the other child for a few days since it is new. But after that, it is a shared item. This is pretty much how we've handled it. Now that the boys are getting older, there are more special-not-shared items, but they are typically not toys (ds10's model car kit, ds7's rock collection, ds5's TAG, etc). But 95+% of the toys are kept in the playroom and are shared. They are each allowed to keep special things in their private space (they each have a loft bed, and brothers aren't allowed to mess with the space underneath), but they rarely keep toys there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Both. If one kid got a doll or truck they had really wanted, it is their property. If a toy is meant for all, it is a Christmas gift addressed to ALL the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Both. I have a 10yo girl and a 7yo boy. The vast majority of toys they share (legos, lincoln logs, train set, etc.). Some are private possessions. For example, I will never ask my daughter to share her Molly American Girl doll with her brother. I don't care if he does want to put her in his Darth Vader Build-a-Bear outfit. The answer is, "NO." Likewise, my son does not have to force his Transformer Bumble Bee to undergo countless hours worth of tea parties. Some things are just sacred. :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoboys Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Most are shared immediately. They all get shared eventually. . .It's typically not a big deal in our house (although we have the normal daily arguments about "I had this first.") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 If an argument breaks out over a toy, it becomes *mine.* :D We are past the argument over toys stage now, though. Now they are bickering over who has the G encyclopedia. :001_huh: They are old enough that a "Really, guys?" with a raised eyebrow takes care of it. Everything we have is shared: money, toys, books, etc. The only thing that is personal property would be clothes and shoes (although dd is starting to fit into my shoes, and her sister wears her clothes all the time.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 We have one item each that is not required to be shared (they are the special sleeping friends - a doll and a stuffed horse), otherwise it's all fair game. We work on the premise that it's all God's and we need to share and be generous with that which He has given for us to use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 If birthday and Christmas presents are individually owned in your home, what do you do with gifts that existed before youngers were born? Our extensive Thomas train collection was collected in the two years before my second ds was born. By rights, they are 95%+ owned by ds5. However, then ds3 would always be the looser when they argue over them. Same goes for the Imaginext castle guys, the CARS vehicles, etc - all the good toys. Good point. I see that your younger ones are pretty close in age... Honestly we haven't had to deal with this one because our kids are farther apart in ages AND the kids of the same gender (similar interests) are nearly 7 years apart. So, over here, the Thomas train track system was "given" by the older boy to the younger boy. Oldest hasn't yet outgrown the Legos, though youngest is now ready for them. We have some shared Legos and some sets that were individual gifts and belong to only one kid. These are kept in their bedrooms and must not be taken or used without the owner's permission. Not sure what I'd do about the Thomas set. You can't really separate that, can you? It would have to be shared somehow... really. But how to start doing that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelmorris Posted November 17, 2009 Share Posted November 17, 2009 Our situation is very similar to yours. My oldest son does have more things that are just his though as he is 5 years older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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