Sigh. Someone has to ask. S/O on shaving question...

[JennifersLost]

My sister taught me to shave my legs. I think I was in fourth or fifth grade. The mom of a friend of mine taught me (a little) about plucking eyebrows. I only found out about other...ahem...personal grooming issues from magazines and (much later, LOL) chat boards.

 

My mom taught me nothing about any of this stuff.

 

I want to do a much better job with my daughter. I have a handle on most stuff, but when (and how) do you bring up that kind of personal grooming?

 

Did anyone's mother give them any kind of direction? Or did we all learn from Cosmo?

Edited October 21, 2009 by JennifersLost
typo

[Mommyfaithe]

As a mom of swimmers...well even the boys shave...arms...legs...backs and ANYTHING else not covered by the suit.

 

I had to have this talk with my daughters because they really were oblibious ...but it was obvious...so I just made sure they knew to use lots of soap and to be very careful. IOW....just say it...they really aren't as shocked by stuff as much as we are...

 

~~Faithe

[AlmiraGulch]

I had the conversation with my 13 year old dd after she walked in on me when I was in the shower taking care of that business.

 

"MOM! WHat are you doing with a razor down there?!?!?":D

 

I told her that some women prefer less hair in that area, and that it's sort of essential if you're going to be in a bathing suit. I told her if she decided to do that (and she needed to for the summer) then she should use shaving cream and take her time, but that other than that it's just like the legs. Oh...and I told her sometimes it's easier if you trim with a small scissors first.

[Garga]

I'm so glad I have boys...

[Nicole M]

So my mom did not discuss this with me, either. I swim, and finally opted for a suit with a little skirt, so I didn't have to be quite so careful. But my problem is the red bumps and rash I get between my upper thighs. How do you deal with that?

[Dawn in OH]

My mom wasn't very "girly". She taught me how to shave my legs, but that was about it. I was very "girly" from the get go. I had to pretty much figure everything out for myself or read it in magazines.

 

My daughter is 7. I'm not ready to think about when to teach her these things. Maybe the night before her wedding? Ok, in all seriousness, when it's time for her to know, I will be ready to talk to her, and would rather teach her these things myself than have her learn about it from friends or a magazine. There's too much misinformation there.

[AlmiraGulch]

So my mom did not discuss this with me, either. I swim, and finally opted for a suit with a little skirt, so I didn't have to be quite so careful. But my problem is the red bumps and rash I get between my upper thighs. How do you deal with that?

 

Use a sharper razor. Eventually you pretty much stop getting those once your skin gets used to it. That's how it worked for me, anyway...

[newlifemom]

I am grateful for the way God made me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't have to worry about it. :D:auto:

[Nicole M]

Use a sharper razor. Eventually you pretty much stop getting those once your skin gets used to it. That's how it worked for me, anyway...

 

So how often do you shave? I start for a while, then give up, because I hate those bumps. Then it gets gross, and I want to get back in the pool, and I try again, and again, disaster. I guess I need to be consistent, but I'm wondering what kind of time committment we're looking at here.

 

Thanks!

[LauraGB]

My mom didn't tell me squat, either. Imagine my surprise much, much, much later... :001_huh:.

 

I think being very matter-of-the-fact is the best approach, actually. "You need to address this issue or you will scare everyone in the pool" (if you are talking about swimming suits), etc.

 

And that's as far as I have gotten.:auto:

[LauraGB]

So how often do you shave? I start for a while, then give up, because I hate those bumps. Then it gets gross, and I want to get back in the pool, and I try again, and again, disaster. I guess I need to be consistent, but I'm wondering what kind of time committment we're looking at here.

 

Thanks!

 

I am giving serious thumbs up to laser removal if you have bikini issues (which I do - fair skin, dark hair, razor burn to the point of no good reason to shave anything, anyway). Its actually quite cost effective when you consider how much disposable razors cost, and you pay per treatment. It takes about 4 treatments over the course of 4 months, and after that, shave when necessary, and touchups every couple years or so (my experience, anyway).

[Amber in AUS]

Well, my Mum only let me shave my underarms when i was so embarassed by my underarm hair i wore a jumper for an entire game of netball because i had a sleeveless T-shirt for the game :blush: I shaved my legs against her wishes at 13. Yes, she shaves everywhere she just decided i shouldn't because once you start you can't stop.

 

A close friend of mine who developed early and has Italian heritage joined her Mum for mother, daughter time at the beauty salon and had everything waxed when appropriate.

 

I am not sure what path i will go down with my DD. At least with the waxing path there is less to wax overtime and it becomes more bearable. If we do go the shaving path i will explain well and provide the tools.

 

You know Mum's with boys need to learn to shave properly too :) I have taught 5 guy friends (of various ages) to shave because they had no idea. No one ever taught them, some had some strange ideas.

[Nicole M]

I am giving serious thumbs up to laser removal if you have bikini issues (which I do - fair skin, dark hair, razor burn to the point of no good reason to shave anything, anyway). Its actually quite cost effective when you consider how much disposable razors cost, and you pay per treatment. It takes about 4 treatments over the course of 4 months, and after that, shave when necessary, and touchups every couple years or so (my experience, anyway).

 

It is seriously cost effective? Really? I have major issues. I won't even share what my husband said to me when he first saw me naked. But it was so not good. I will check that out. It seems a very frivolous expense, but sometimes... ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

[LauraGB]

It is seriously cost effective? Really? I have major issues. I won't even share what my husband said to me when he first saw me naked. But it was so not good. I will check that out. It seems a very frivolous expense, but sometimes... ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

 

Not frivolous if it bothers you as bad as it bothers me. I didn't go swimming for nearly 2 decades! If I remember correctly, it was about $60 per treatment (I suppose that depends on where you live), 4 treatments. The place that did mine offered free touchups for 2 years and its been almost that, so I should go in to get that done. I really wish I would have gone much sooner than I did; 20 years is a long time. I even asked how old kids needed to be to get it done, knowing dd would have the same prob (she said 16 with parental permission).

[Nicole M]

Not frivolous if it bothers you as bad as it bothers me. I didn't go swimming for nearly 2 decades! If I remember correctly, it was about $60 per treatment (I suppose that depends on where you live), 4 treatments. The place that did mine offered free touchups for 2 years and its been almost that, so I should go in to get that done. I really wish I would have gone much sooner than I did; 20 years is a long time. I even asked how old kids needed to be to get it done, knowing dd would have the same prob (she said 16 with parental permission).

 

Thanks for the details!

 

I PMed you with a few, more delicate questions. :D

[mammaruss]

I'm so glad I have boys...

 

 

Me three!! :lol:

[Amy loves Bud]

It is seriously cost effective? Really? I have major issues. I won't even share what my husband said to me when he first saw me naked. But it was so not good. I will check that out. It seems a very frivolous expense, but sometimes... ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

 

Nicole, I intend to have laser treatment done over the next year, but I have had good success with Bikini Zone. It's an ointment that you apply right after shaving. It cuts way down on the razor burn. I've never had a problem finding it at the grocery store or pharmacy.

[kewb]

I am still scarred from my mother walking around upstairs with Nair on her bikini zone. I don't know when the right time to introduce it is. My dd has always been with me during personal grooming. Now that puberty is near/here I got her the book The Care and Keeping of You. We read it together and discussed.

 

I have solved the bumps in the bikini zone by wearing swim shorts. I <3 my swim shorts.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I'm so glad I have boys...

 

:iagree:

[AngieW in Texas]

I went through The Care and Keeping of You with all my kids around the age of 9yo. My two older girls wanted to read it on their own. My youngest had seen enough with her two older sisters that there really wasn't anything new in the book, so she didn't read through it until 10yo.

 

I told all my girls that I would get them a razor and show them how to shave when they were interested in doing so, but that once they started, it would be difficult to stop.

 

My oldest came to me for leg shaving at 12yo. I bought her a Quattro and showed her how to do it. I also told her to be sure to go no farther up than the top of the knee. She didn't have armpit hair until close to 14yo.

 

My middle is 14yo right now. She has a lot more leg hair than her older sister, but she doesn't care. She only shaves her armpits. I don't care whether she ever shaves her legs or not.

 

My youngest is 11yo. Her leg hair is thick and dark. It doesn't bother her now, but when it does, she knows she can come to me and I'll buy her a razor. She used to be extremely girly. When she was 7yo, I was sure that she'd insist on shaving by 9yo. The whole girly princess thing was over by 8yo. Now that she's 11yo, I have no idea when she'll be interested in starting - or if she ever will.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Did anyone's mother give them any kind of direction? Or did we all learn from Cosmo?

 

No one told me, but Mom was really good about making me feel uptight and hateful about all the other parts of my body that were not flawless, so it occurred to me that this would be an extension of that. She also brought me in for exams every six months without fail from the time I was eleven. I will never forget my GYN's flabbergasted horror. He stuttered. "You're twelve! You could cut yourself! Do you have any idea how damaging this is to your skin?"

 

And he was right. This is something that historically has been done in underground BDSM scenes to indicate ownership. It became popular amongst American women after it moved from there to p*rn. Before that (in the classical era) was used to indicate that someone was a professional prostitute. Alarms should be going off if one's head when they see this. It should creep our husbands out if we look prepubescent, shouldn't it?

 

I vote you don't tell your daughters about this at all. I'll do my part by raising sons that don't want their partners to look like slaves, professionals, or children.

[Nicole M]

No one told me, but Mom was really good about making me feel uptight and hateful about all the other parts of my body that were not flawless, so it occurred to me that this would be an extension of that. She also brought me in for exams every six months without fail from the time I was eleven. I will never forget my GYN's flabbergasted horror. He stuttered. "You're twelve! You could cut yourself! Do you have any idea how damaging this is to your skin?"

 

And he was right. This is something that historically has been done in underground BDSM scenes to indicate ownership. It became popular amongst American women after it moved from there to p*rn. Before that (in the classical era) was used to indicate that someone was a professional prostitute. Alarms should be going off if one's head when they see this. It should creep our husbands out if we look prepubescent, shouldn't it?

 

I vote you don't tell your daughters about this at all. I'll do my part by raising sons that don't want their partners to look like slaves, professionals, or children.

 

You preach it, sister!

(But I thought we were only talking about the bikini line? Were we really discussing the full meal deal?)

Edited October 22, 2009 by Nicole M

[Nicole M]

My oldest came to me for leg shaving at 12yo. I bought her a Quattro and showed her how to do it. I also told her to be sure to go no farther up than the top of the knee.

 

Just FYI, some of us have bangs at the knee when we go with this method. Sadly.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Just FYI, some of us have bangs at the knee when we go with this method. Sadly.

 

:lol::lol::lol: The visual of that is hilarious! I just annoyed my entire family with my loud laughing. :lol::lol::lol:

[dragons in the flower bed]

(But I thought we were only talking about the bikini line? Were we really discussing the full meal deal?)[/size]

 

Well, if that's so, then I am going to have to laugh hysterically at myself.

[Nicole M]

Well, if that's so, then I am going to have to laugh hysterically at myself.

 

And if it's not so, I'm going to have to laugh hysterically at myself!

[LauraGB]

Well, if that's so, then I am going to have to laugh hysterically at myself.

 

But your point was a darn good one. I had to look up BDSM (because I had no idea what it meant), and for a little bit, I wondered what kind of thread I'd gotten myself mixed up with!:D

[Lolly]

So my mom did not discuss this with me, either. I swim, and finally opted for a suit with a little skirt, so I didn't have to be quite so careful. But my problem is the red bumps and rash I get between my upper thighs. How do you deal with that?

 

Try using antiperspirant on the area after you shave.

[Mommyof4ks]

Glad to know that I am not the only one who's mom never discussed this. I have been trying to find a solution to the bikini issue without having to ask anyone IRL :D. The bumps are unsightly and itch. :glare:

[Nicole M]

But your point was a darn good one. I had to look up BDSM (because I had no idea what it meant), and for a little bit, I wondered what kind of thread I'd gotten myself mixed up with!:D

 

Oh, gosh. You got yerself an education tonight, eh? The things we learn on a homeschool message board!

[JennifersLost]

Just to clarify - I was talking bikini line and basic grooming. LOL. Jeez, the places we go on this board.

 

I have never understood the whole "don't shave above the knee" thing. What is that about? If you wear shorts or a bathing suit, why would you stop there?

 

I remember some girls in high school getting all shocked about the idea of shaving above the knee. My perspective was that I doubted my boyfriend's eyes (or hands, for that matter) were going to stop there....

[Tangerine]

I assume those who are saying they're glad they have boys don't have a manscaping husband.

 

I'm a little disturbed by the full-on hairless thing. I don't like the prepubescent look. BUT I think we're beyond equating it with slavery and bondage at this point. While it may be derivative, it has gone mainstream. I don't think putting it on par with those things is really accurate anymore.

[IsabelC]

I'm a little disturbed by the full-on hairless thing. I don't like the prepubescent look. BUT I think we're beyond equating it with slavery and bondage at this point. While it may be derivative, it has gone mainstream. I don't think putting it on par with those things is really accurate anymore.

 

I don't think the fact that something is mainstream necessarily makes it any more acceptable. Women being the chattels of their husbands and having no rights was mainstream for a long time (and still is in some places), as was the view that people of color were inferior. I don't think it is acceptable that a healthy adult female body is considered disgusting unless it is altered - at considerable time and expense - to conform to the dictates of the 'beauty' industry.

 

I will be teaching my girls that it is fine to have a normal, natural womanly body, including body hair in all the places it naturally grows. If they - or my son, for that matter - decide to remove hair and ask for advice on how to do it, that is fine, and of course I will give them advice. But I'm not going to suggest it.

 

 

ETA - did I say I wasn't very crunchy? :rofl:

Edited October 22, 2009 by Hotdrink

[happygrrl]

I don't think it is acceptable that a healthy adult female body is considered disgusting unless it is altered - at considerable time and expense - to conform to the dictates of the 'beauty' industry.

 

 

 

Oh don't even get me started about how I am supposed to smell like a mountain breeze or a spring rain! It's fun to play with scents when I want to enhance, but I refuse to pass on the misinformation that we are supposed to smell chemical-ish because somehow our natural smell is bad. Humph!

[babysparkler]

So, believe it or not, I just discovered A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO that women actually shave "down there". It never occurred to me! My OB mentioned it when I was close to birthing my firstborn, so I did keep trimmed around labor time for each of my kids, but I never realized that this is a normal "non-pregnancy" thing to do until I read someone talking about it on another message board. Wow, was I left out of the loop! :lol:

[KidsHappen]

My mom didn't mention this because she didn't do it. She had no reason to and I have only recently had to do a small amount of trimming when I want to swim which is maybe once a year. I wear a very modest suit so I don't have to do much. I didn't hear about women being completely shorn until maybe the last ten years. I personally found the idea disturbing as well. It seriously freaks me out that a guy would prefer a woman to look pre-pubesant. I have since learned that apparently some women prefer that look themselves but I utterly fail to understand why. Apparently girls figure these things out on their own though. My 17 year older is a complete shaver and she certainly didn't hear about it from me.

[emeraldjoy]

Nicely put. I very much agree.

It took me 2 YEARS to get comfortable with my unshaven pits in our society!!! That's a long time. The very painful swollen lumps are gone forever. I just got to the point where I could not damage my body any more for the benefit of others comfort. seems so wierd even saying it outloud, but that is what I was doing. It was not for myself, that is for certain.

e

I don't think the fact that something is mainstream necessarily makes it any more acceptable. Women being the chattels of their husbands and having no rights was mainstream for a long time (and still is in some places), as was the view that people of color were inferior. I don't think it is acceptable that a healthy adult female body is considered disgusting unless it is altered - at considerable time and expense - to conform to the dictates of the 'beauty' industry.

 

I will be teaching my girls that it is fine to have a normal, natural womanly body, including body hair in all the places it naturally grows. If they - or my son, for that matter - decide to remove hair and ask for advice on how to do it, that is fine, and of course I will give them advice. But I'm not going to suggest it.

 

 

ETA - did I say I wasn't very crunchy? :rofl:

[asta]

I don't think the fact that something is mainstream necessarily makes it any more acceptable. Women being the chattels of their husbands and having no rights was mainstream for a long time (and still is in some places), as was the view that people of color were inferior. I don't think it is acceptable that a healthy adult female body is considered disgusting unless it is altered - at considerable time and expense - to conform to the dictates of the 'beauty' industry.

 

I will be teaching my girls that it is fine to have a normal, natural womanly body, including body hair in all the places it naturally grows. If they - or my son, for that matter - decide to remove hair and ask for advice on how to do it, that is fine, and of course I will give them advice. But I'm not going to suggest it.

 

 

ETA - did I say I wasn't very crunchy? :rofl:

 

I'm not chattel. I just want to be able to have comfy relations with my husband. The bottom line is that fur tangles with fur. It doesn't matter who needs to trim - if someone isn't tidy, tangling is going to occur.

 

But I agree that any man who wants a prepubescent looking woman-girl is just creepy.

 

 

a

[forevergrace]

Smell; well I know for a fact--- my own natural smell, the one radiating from my pits is not a beautiful thing. Hereditary plays a major part on this one. Don't shave, shave, it is irrelevant. I will shave until the day I'm 98-years-old. Just because I've been doing it for the last twenty years, and I like it. Hair in part, does indeed trap odors. I shower every day, and wash all body hair every day. Still, I prefer hairless arm pits, and clean bikini lines. I'm different from men. If I choose to apply perfume, and make-up, why shouldn't I shave? Are these considered forms of bondage? I say, "Shave it all if you want!" Head included.

 

As for slave, bondage, etc... How do you dress? Do you dress modest(bible appropriate)? Do you dress fashionably (Vogue appropriate)? Do you dress ready to ride horses (cow-girl appropriate)? Do you dress ready for anything; any task, any amount of chauffeuring, doctoring, sacrificing, etc., (homeschooling Momma appropriate)? Do you consider anyone of theses titles as bondage? Let's chant "freedom for shaving!!!!!!"

Forevergrace

[IsabelC]

Personally, I don't wear makeup or perfume (well, only once in a blue moon), I don't shave, and I don't wear fashionable clothes. I dress in whatever is value for money, comfortable and covers my body sufficiently. I don't have a problem with you shaving, or wearing makeup, or having plastic surgery if that is your choice. My issue is with women who don't want to do those things coming under pressure to do so.

[*********]

But I agree that any man who wants a prepubescent looking woman-girl is just creepy.

 

Wait, just because a woman shaves it all, and her husband likes it, makes her look 'prepubescent'? I mean, I didn't think prebuescent girls had bre@sts or hips, right?

 

I guess I honestly don't understand how a husband having a preference about what body parts his wife shaves or doesn't shave makes him creepy.

 

I suppose if the REASON a husband wants his wife to look a certain way is so that he can pretend she's prepubescent, well, yeah, that's creepy. But just because he likes his wife to LOOK a certain way? I don't think so.

 

My dh likes me to wear jeans. So I do. How is that creepy? I think he likes it because it makes me look young, in a way. I always wore jeans back before kids. For a while, a few years ago, I wore a dress everyday. Dh finally told me he thinks I look better in jeans. So what's the big deal? How is that different than if a husband has a preference on what his wife shaves?

 

I'm genuinely curious.

[asta]

Wait, just because a woman shaves it all, and her husband likes it, makes her look 'prepubescent'? I mean, I didn't think prebuescent girls had bre@sts or hips, right?

 

I guess I honestly don't understand how a husband having a preference about what body parts his wife shaves or doesn't shave makes him creepy.

 

I suppose if the REASON a husband wants his wife to look a certain way is so that he can pretend she's prepubescent, well, yeah, that's creepy. But just because he likes his wife to LOOK a certain way? I don't think so.

 

My dh likes me to wear jeans. So I do. How is that creepy? I think he likes it because it makes me look young, in a way. I always wore jeans back before kids. For a while, a few years ago, I wore a dress everyday. Dh finally told me he thinks I look better in jeans. So what's the big deal? How is that different than if a husband has a preference on what his wife shaves?

 

I'm genuinely curious.

 

That's what I was referring to. Sorry if I wasn't more clear.

 

 

a

[mrsrevmeg]

I'm so glad I have boys...

 

You and me both!

[kamom]

I guess there is something to the looking prepubescent thought. Maybe because my man hasn't been exposed to " cultural fads" as much as some are, he had similar thoughts.

I tried the bikini shaving and he thought it looked weird. He didn't like me looking like a little girl.

 

Each to his own........I'm glad I don't have to worry about thighs. Mine are naturally smooth other wise I would be tempted to shave them too. Now what's the difference between that and the bikini line?

 

Who knows? I guess we each have our preferences.:lol:

[Rebecca VA]

Oh, I wish we were still able to see the Brazilian wax thread from the old board! What did that poster call her body part -- her "hoo-hoo"? The whole thread was very enlightening -- I learned many things I had never heard of before!

[st_claire]

I'm so glad I have boys...

 

Boys shave here too lol

[st_claire]

And he was right. This is something that historically has been done in underground BDSM scenes to indicate ownership. It became popular amongst American women after it moved from there to p*rn. Before that (in the classical era) was used to indicate that someone was a professional prostitute. Alarms should be going off if one's head when they see this. It should creep our husbands out if we look prepubescent, shouldn't it?

 

I vote you don't tell your daughters about this at all. I'll do my part by raising sons that don't want their partners to look like slaves, professionals, or children.

 

 

That is absolutly rediculous. It doesn't indicate slavery or ownership or prostitution or any such thing. It only indicates that that's how the person likes to groom themselves. Just like the hair on our head, some like it long some like it short. Instead of trying to assign hidden meaning to everything, why not just let people groom as they see fit?

[*********]

That is absolutly rediculous. It doesn't indicate slavery or ownership or prostitution or any such thing. It only indicates that that's how the person likes to groom themselves. Just like the hair on our head, some like it long some like it short. Instead of trying to assign hidden meaning to everything, why not just let people groom as they see fit?

 

:iagree:

[Nicole M]

That is absolutly rediculous. It doesn't indicate slavery or ownership or prostitution or any such thing. It only indicates that that's how the person likes to groom themselves. Just like the hair on our head, some like it long some like it short. Instead of trying to assign hidden meaning to everything, why not just let people groom as they see fit?

 

If you read Rose's whole post, you will see that this is a hot button topic for her, and that she herself has a painful past that led her to this assessment. To call it ridiculous is rude and unkind. Of course you can disagree, but wow. Low blow.

[st_claire]

If you read Rose's whole post, you will see that this is a hot button topic for her, and that she herself has a painful past that led her to this assessment. To call it ridiculous is rude and unkind. Of course you can disagree, but wow. Low blow.

 

It's a hot button issue for me when people say that a woman shouldn't be allowed to decide how to treat their own body. I used a word that meant what I meant. If someone tells me that a woman shaving her pubic area means she is chattel, I find that laughable, absurb, and yes ridiculous. It is not meant to be rude or unkind, simply honest and defending of my opinion.

 

If someone told me all black men were criminals, I would say that was ridiculous also. If someone has a painful past, that is a sad thing, but it doesn't give them a free pass to make folish statements.