scrapbabe Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Hey, not really looking for sympathy or feeling "poor me", but I just need to get these thoughts out of my head so I can deal with them. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer about 3 weeks ago. I've had my thyroid removed and am now waiting to do a radioactive iodine treatment to kill any remaining cancer cells. I have to be in a hypothyroid state to take the treatment. I'm feeling pretty okay about the cancer thing. It's really a treatable thing. However it does weigh on my mind a bit. I'm tired because I'm of the hypothyroid thing and just want to sit on the couch all day. My kids have been playing video games almost non stop since I had surgery while I lay on the couch. We've obviously missed schooling for the past 3 weeks. I have a messy house, kids sitting in front of some sort of screen or other, a business to run, homeschooling to get to, and I cannot get off the couch. Part of it's emotional. I just have no desire to do anything. And the other part is physical. Ugggh. It's not enough to be fighting cancer, but on top of it I'm constantly feeling like a huge failure because I can't/don't get anything done. And instead of helping out more, everyone just follows mom's lead. If mom's being lazy, we can all be lazy. And I have no desire to fight it. Except for the occasional feeling of "I want to scream!!!" Also, we started a business about 15 months ago and have struggled financially as we build it. We're doing pretty good but still it's so draining on my emotions - so that ain't helping either. There, I said it. It's a lot easier to tell it to a bunch of people on a computer far away. It's not so easy to share with those closest to me. I wish I could just fast forward a few months to a time where I feel "back on top" again. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Shalynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: I know you're not looking for sympathy, but I give it anyway. I haven't even had cancer and I feel that way due to pregnancy sometimes. Honestly, are you even ready, physically, to be up and doing things? Sometimes our bodies make us do what we really need to be doing, kwim? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but really, what you've been through is a BIG thing and you need to give yourself some grace!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phred Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 You're welcome. I can't imagine what you're going through although members of my family went through various cancers when I was much younger. I guess I just can't imagine what it's like to have it happen to myself. I do, however, completely relate to that "can't get off the couch" feeling. I've been there... two things. One, break things up into manageable chunks. Figure out things you can do in 15-minute intervals. Then get up for just 15 mins... do something and let yourself sit back down. For as long as you need to. Second, for priorities, just do the next thing. Don't worry about all the details and all the things that are starting to pile up, just do the next thing. Let that be your mantra... Do the Next Thing. If you can keep at it, slowly but surely you'll dig yourself out. And then, by the time you're feeling better you'll have managed to keep your head above water. And I just have a feeling you will be feeling better. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Oh, honey - it is physical! Everything you are describing are the expected physical and emotional symptoms of your disease. Living without a thyroid and without thyroid hormones IS laying on the couch. My df's dh had his thyroid removed (cancer also) and he couldn't go to work until they could start giving him thyroid meds. He has to go off meds every couple years to have a test and he can't work during that time (and he has a desk job.) What you are feeling is normal. Please give yourself a definitely needed break. You can't expect yourself to do things when your body is this compromised - just like you can't take a road trip with only a gallon of gas. Have your hubby call a family meeting and see if you can come up with a plan to get you through this time: removing the game system during the week, assigned chores - not a ton, but enough to keep the house livable (teens are perfectly capable of helping out), perhaps some temporary household help, a weekly to-do list of all their school work. You may have to let some things go or do school differently until you are back on your feet. Prayers and good wishes for a speedy recovery! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Been there with depression. Getting out of the house (even to the park, where you can sit down) helps me feel like I've done something with the kids.:grouphug: Hoping treatment is successful and does not last long.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I've had cancer, it was a mild form and before ds was born, but I knew my well-being had to be first. It was about six months of tx, surgeries, etc, but that was my battle, my priority at the time. You are not a failure because of things you can't do right now, even if it seems lazy to you. Part of fighting that battle is knowing what your limits are physically and emotionally. My husband is self-employed and I can understand what it's like to not be able to simply walk away for a few weeks or even in the evening or on the weekends. Homeschooling affords us a wonderful opportunity to be vulnerable before our children. I don't know their ages but I bet they can rally behind you and realize that you NEED them now. It may require more effort from them, more turning off the TV, more setting aside their own needs. Even if homeschooling gets pushed back to the 3 Rs they are learning how to be there for someone. How do your kids feel about your disease? What information are they getting from you, from outside sources? My doctors were very encouraging to me, told me mine was very treatable, curable, even when I told people that some would look at you with the pity/fear look that you're got cancer. (cancer is not the death sentence it once was with some forms). I had dh be my guardian, no one was allowed to talk about death in my presence. Sounds kind of harsh but emotionally I didn't need it. If my doctors were being positive, I would be too. I guess my point is, how is your family taking it. What are people around you saying? Is fear creeping in in some form? This can be a beautiful time of bonding for your family. If the house has to be a little more messy, if school gets pushed back a little so what, spend more time on the couch snuggled listening to audio book, having one of your kids read, do art projects together. Just being there is sometimes more important than anything else. :grouphug: I'm sorry you're having to go through such an ordeal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Big hugs to you and hoping you can cut yourself some slack! The kids will be just fine; the house will be clean again, the business will do okay, and you will be well again! Sending healing thoughts your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Okay, so, maybe I did need some sympathy. Thank you all for your beautiful and encouraging words. They mean SO SO much! Smiles, Shalynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Bear Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Hugs to you, dear, as you're recovering. It will get better and you'll be up and around and conquering everything again. And soon. But in the meantime... I think your kids need to hear you say that you are just sick. And tired. And that the sickness is making your body drag and you are not okay with that, but for right now you can't do much about it either. While you wait for your physical self to catch up to the rest of you, they need to be thinking about how you take care of them when they're sick. They need to be thinking of ways to initiate a little learning. I'm guessing they can read to themselves, clear dishes and manage PB and J? And maybe more? How about a little laundry and vacumming? Maybe more than that? This is a tough time for you and your family, but the kids also need to experience that they can be part of the grace that we all need sometimes -- taking care of each other when we need it. It ends up being a blessing not only to you, but also to them. I had a few times over the last few years that I've had the kids come close to me so I can just whisper to them that I need them to step up because I can.not. do. it. And they do. It's still a mess, but they manage to find vegetable like things to feed themselves, the dishes usually get done and laundry doesn't completely fall apart. If I'm out of the "work loop" for just a few hours, it's no big deal, but sometimes it has had to be longer and then, by necessity, everyone has to kick in. It's still a mess for me to deal with when I'm up and moving again, but really, it is so worth it. Blessings and rest and healing to you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 Yes, OP it is physical and you will feel better when you have the hormones back. Please just rest and do what needs to be done medically. You are in a very stressed out medically condition and you need the rest and you really don't have the energy. Have your husband sit down with your kids and tell them they need to step it up. I don't have your problems but have chronic illnesses that sometimes play havoc on our lives. The kids have had to stup up to the plate at those times. It builds character and is altogether a good thing for them to learn at a younger age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug: I wish I were near. I would come clean your house. Can the kids do math by themself? On the computer maybe? I know there are online games for History and Math. Probably science. I am sure someone on these boards know the www. address. Praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 (((Shalynn))), I'm sorry. That is a lot to deal with, so please give yourself some grace to take it easy for a while. I've been reading a wonderful book called Being Well When We're Ill by Marva J. Dawn, that deals with all the emotional and spiritual issues that go along with physical illness. It is a very positive, anti-guilt book, that has let me know that all these feelings are very normal. I just thought I'd recommend it if you're looking for something uplifting. I hope you feel better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 If you don't mind me asking, what symptoms did you have that led to you finding out about your cancer? Michelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistyJ Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I'm sorry. Are you worried about school? When things break down around here, we have "reading days." The kids lay around with books all day- very peaceful. You could also have "game days." And sign up for netflix, and have science and history movies sent every week. My children like some of them so much, they watch them over and over. I'll pm you my netflix password if you want to look at my queue for movies. I'll be praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerdingCats Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: I hope you have a speedy recovery! Now is the perfect time to give yourself that free pass to be unproductive. Keep looking at that big picture view of your life. Is a few weeks out of one year in their entire lives going to matter educationally? I'm not dealing with anything like cancer, but it sometimes helps when I get discouraged and overwhelmed if I remember that. I agree that there's nothing wrong letting your family know that you would really appreciate anything they could do to help out with housework and independent schooling. Get some educational shows or movies from Netflix or YouTube and have 'screen school.' Whatever you manage to accomplish, feel good about it. Now's the time for that unit study life-lesson on Compassion, Initiative, and Helpfulness! NO BOOKS REQUIRED! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug: These things, too, shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Healing thoughts coming your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted September 28, 2009 Author Share Posted September 28, 2009 Thank you all so much! Just reading your thoughts and well wishes is making me feel better. Michelle, I didn't have any symptoms. I just went in to have a pap and the doctor did a complete physical, blood work and all. She felt my thyroid and said it was enlarged so sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound verified it was a nodule. So I was sent for a needle biopsy which came back positive for cancer. I am grateful I listened to the inner promptings I had that I needed to go in for my pap. It had already been 5 years, so I almost shrugged it off for a later time because I've been so busy. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to go. Glad I didn't shrug it off. Smiles, Shalynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph the vet Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 You're welcome. I can't imagine what you're going through although members of my family went through various cancers when I was much younger. I guess I just can't imagine what it's like to have it happen to myself. I do, however, completely relate to that "can't get off the couch" feeling. I've been there... two things. One, break things up into manageable chunks. Figure out things you can do in 15-minute intervals. Then get up for just 15 mins... do something and let yourself sit back down. For as long as you need to. Second, for priorities, just do the next thing. Don't worry about all the details and all the things that are starting to pile up, just do the next thing. Let that be your mantra... Do the Next Thing. If you can keep at it, slowly but surely you'll dig yourself out. And then, by the time you're feeling better you'll have managed to keep your head above water. And I just have a feeling you will be feeling better. :001_smile: I can't believe I'm going to say this.....:iagree:with everything Phred said!! :grouphug: to you ShaLynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 Things to do/focus on.... 1. Prayer, oh it sounds good and you think what could it hurt, but serious thoughtful take the time to talk to God, it really is energizing. 2. Diet, do your best to have hubby/anyone (this is the time to call on friends!) do a grocery shop for you, make a list and make it a family affair, give one kid the list for the fresh veggies, teach him how to pick the best ones, give another control over cereals/breads, etc..that can count as school! My kids can pick a better red bell pepper than my husband ever could...when you're down in the dumps, the easy to reach foods which normally are the worst for you only make you feel even more off! 3. Let your body speak to you, if it's vegging, then try and find an awesome book to read aloud! Let the kids read aloud to you if you're too weak! We spent 6 months remodeling a house....all we did the entire 6 months was put a book in their hands and teach them how to tile...it didn't even slow them down when we started back, we skipped right back into lessons. 4. Use the computer, fun math lessons online, typing lessons, logic puzzles etc. 5. If you have an I-phone, play yahtzee together! :) Lots of cool app's...if not, play another game together! 6. Be encouraged!! This is a blip, it's life, what your kids are learning now is how you deal with it...take it in stride, embrace the blessings you have, and give yourself time to 'let go'...those are skills many adults never learned. Praying!! Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 :grouphug: Really, hard as it is, you need to give yourself a break! The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up - which is hard not to do. It takes so much work and dedication to be a mom (especially a homeschooling mom) and there ARE times in life that just can't be helped -- you are forced to slow down. It's actually an opportunity to teach them about the importance of taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to be human in front of them is a valuable experience. My dh thought he had thyroid cancer and has been dealing with health stuff and he's really taking care of himself - life itself is more important sometimes than, "Go, go, go" and the pressure to be productive 24/7. If it did NOT bother you, there would be cause for concern. Let yourself heal, emotionally and physically (maybe spiritually - whatever) and do it without the guilt. I always find that when I'm in that mode (which is not very often), I just have to take it for what it is and wait for it to pass. Someday your kids WILL go through that in life and what would you say to them? Our emotions are good - but they can really drag us down. Your kids will not die from playing one to many videos games and you are normal to go through the motions of dealing with a health challenge. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 (edited) You're welcome. I can't imagine what you're going through although members of my family went through various cancers when I was much younger. I guess I just can't imagine what it's like to have it happen to myself. I do, however, completely relate to that "can't get off the couch" feeling. I've been there... two things. One, break things up into manageable chunks. Figure out things you can do in 15-minute intervals. Then get up for just 15 mins... do something and let yourself sit back down. For as long as you need to. Second, for priorities, just do the next thing. Don't worry about all the details and all the things that are starting to pile up, just do the next thing. Let that be your mantra... Do the Next Thing. If you can keep at it, slowly but surely you'll dig yourself out. And then, by the time you're feeling better you'll have managed to keep your head above water. And I just have a feeling you will be feeling better. :001_smile: That's some pretty good advice for just about anything. Seriously. I wish you a speedy recovery and good health. My sister's child had thyroid cancers as a young teen, and she's done well, and is cancer-free now! Thought you could use a pick-me-up-story. :) Take care. Edited September 29, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 wow, you've got a lot going on! Please don't be hard on yourself!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 My stepmother had thyroid cancer several years ago. She had surgery and all the treatments and today, is a machine! She works 6 days a week, runs an OB clinic, treats patients, does "part time" work in a clinic on an Air Force base and is doing great. You'll be up and at it again soon! Hang in there! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbabe Posted September 29, 2009 Author Share Posted September 29, 2009 My heart is full. Thanks for all the replies. I don't think any of you know me personally, and it means a lot that you'd still take the time to reply and send words of advice and encouragement. We were able to get the 3 R's done today so that was a good thing. I'm having my radioactive iodine treatment on Friday. Then I can start thyroid meds and hopefully start feeling better. Bless you all! Shalynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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