Divorce, custody and all that jazz

[Scarlett]

So many choices. Did anyone out there have a situation where the husband wanted to keep things out of court and therefore agreed to a better settlement than you might have got in front of a judge?

 

Would you rather stay in your home until your child is of age (about 9 years) and then split the value with X-husband....or sell out now and buy something smaller with your share of value.....

 

I also suggested stbxh give me all of his equity in lieu of longer/more alimony. He might still go for that idea...that would be better for me tax wise as my profit on this house will be tax free but alimony is not.

 

I'm looking for the voice of experience. Anything you wish you had asked for, done differently?

 

Also, I'm asking for full custody...he asked for joint. If anyone has joint has it caused any practical problems?

[Rosie_0801]

I think the less threads tying you together, the better. So I'd prefer the house sold asap and to buy something smaller of your own.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[OnTheBrink]

I think the more you have agreed upon and settled before a judge signs off on it, the better.

 

As far as the house goes, I personally preferred a different place to live that was MINE.

[gingersmom]

I think the less threads tying you together, the better. So I'd prefer the house sold asap and to buy something smaller of your own.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

:iagree:

 

Its too complicated to own a home together and be divorced. What if something happens to the house? What if he loses his job and can't pay his share? The complications are endless.

 

In my experience, full custody is rare. Unless there is some glaring reason that the other person should not share custody.

 

I am assuming you want physical custody of your child. The child lives with you as its primary residence and spends nights/weekends/vacations with your ex husband.

 

There are so many problems that arise I can't even begin to list them all here (not trying to scare you, just life). Its a kind of roll with punches kind of thing.

 

Make sure he has life insurance with your child as the beneficiary (my X husband died with no life insurance).

Make sure he provides health insurance for your child (with a provision if he was to lose his job he is still required)

 

One thing I wish I did not agree to was weeknight visits. It was very disruptive (especially as my daughter hit the pre-teen years). She was in public school and would have homework to do and he would show late to take them to dinner and then keep them out way too late. She was exhausted the next morning, plus her homework was not done on time. You may be homeschooling now but you don't know what the future may hold.

 

Read all the fine print. Don't depend on your lawyer to proofread. Read, reread and read everything again before you sign.

 

My X didn't and it cost him loads and loads of money :)

[Scarlett]

:iagree:

 

Its too complicated to own a home together and be divorced. What if something happens to the house? What if he loses his job and can't pay his share? The complications are endless.

 

In my experience, full custody is rare. Unless there is some glaring reason that the other person should not share custody.

 

I am assuming you want physical custody of your child. The child lives with you as its primary residence and spends nights/weekends/vacations with your ex husband.

 

There are so many problems that arise I can't even begin to list them all here (not trying to scare you, just life). Its a kind of roll with punches kind of thing.

 

Make sure he has life insurance with your child as the beneficiary (my X husband died with no life insurance).

Make sure he provides health insurance for your child (with a provision if he was to lose his job he is still required)

 

One thing I wish I did not agree to was weeknight visits. It was very disruptive (especially as my daughter hit the pre-teen years). She was in public school and would have homework to do and he would show late to take them to dinner and then keep them out way too late. She was exhausted the next morning, plus her homework was not done on time. You may be homeschooling now but you don't know what the future may hold.

 

Read all the fine print. Don't depend on your lawyer to proofread. Read, reread and read everything again before you sign.

 

My X didn't and it cost him loads and loads of money :)

 

I think the weeknight visits are disruptive too. For instance, I let him have him this afternoon (unscheduled) after he promised to have him home by 8:00. Well, he got him home at 9:30. However, I am trading some weeknight visits for no Sunday visits so that ds's religious instruction is not interuppted. It is the pits all around I'd say. Except for the part that I never have to be his wife again. ;) I like that part.

 

My suggestion/offer for final divorce is 2 weeknight visits from 5:30 to 8:30. That would allow ds to be home in time to wind/down/shower/talk to me/ and still be in bed by 10:00 which is ideal for him. Now it is 6-10 and it is horrible.

 

I love my house. I offered to let him give me all the equity in exchange for longer alimony. But my mom is with you guys....don't keep it if we are both owners....I think that is probably good advise.

[sunshine]

So many choices. Did anyone out there have a situation where the husband wanted to keep things out of court and therefore agreed to a better settlement than you might have got in front of a judge?

 

Would you rather stay in your home until your child is of age (about 9 years) and then split the value with X-husband....or sell out now and buy something smaller with your share of value.....

 

I also suggested stbxh give me all of his equity in lieu of longer/more alimony. He might still go for that idea...that would be better for me tax wise as my profit on this house will be tax free but alimony is not.

 

I'm looking for the voice of experience. Anything you wish you had asked for, done differently?

 

 

 

Also, I'm asking for full custody...he asked for joint. If anyone has joint has it caused any practical problems?

My cousin asked for full but the judge said joint and it has been a nightmare for her. The first few years he went along with all her decisions, like schools, moves they made, extracurricular activities (as long as he didn't have to contribute) but weirdly since the kids hit the teen years (they are age 13,14,16&17) and her remarriage, he took her to court for everything from what school they attend to what dentist to go to. As he had equal say, it was ridiculous. She ended up having to split the week with him because they couldn't agree to what school they would attend when she moved 30 miles away with her new husband. She had them Thurs night -Sun and he had them Sun - Thurs morning.

 

Also, my girlfriend made a great deal with her ex when they divorced. She agreed to pay him whenever (and it was her choice) she decided to sell the house 1/2 of what equity was in the house if it were to sell the day of the agreement (not the date of the final divorce, that was a year later). She got a market analysis of the house from 2 realtors and a bank and took the average of what the house would sell for minus what was owed on it and then split what the profit would be and put that amount in the agreement. That way she didn't have to move right away (it is recommended not to make any huge changes within a year of a traumatic event and divorce is traumatic) and every house payment she made was putting money in her savings account not a joint one! She moved 5 years after the divorce and made a good deal of money even after she paid him the amount specified in the agreement years earlier because the house had increased in value and she had made five more years of payments. Plus she got alimony for 3 years and child support. Now the good thing for her was that he had stopped making regualar child support payments so when the house sold she took what was owed to her to date from his share.

 

Hope these situations give you some ideas.

[SonshineLearner]

So he wants to have him half time? Or he's more interested in making decisions??

Carrie

[Scarlett]

 

In my experience, full custody is rare. Unless there is some glaring reason that the other person should not share custody.

 

I am assuming you want physical custody of your child. The child lives with you as its primary residence and spends nights/weekends/vacations with your ex husband.

 

Yes. And I also want full custody. I countered my husband's counter directly to him instead of through my attorney, but my attorney did tell me to ask for full custody...that joint custody could cause problems with homeschooling...My husband has done so much and has such a high profile job that I do not think he will fight me. He talks tough now, but in the end I think I will get what I want. So full custody it is.

 

 

Make sure he has life insurance with your child as the beneficiary (my X husband died with no life insurance).

 

I did put this in there.

 

Make sure he provides health insurance for your child (with a provision if he was to lose his job he is still required)

 

He has to maintain health insurance. And I'm asking that he pay for 100 % of what is not covered.

 

 

Read all the fine print. Don't depend on your lawyer to proofread. Read, reread and read everything again before you sign.

 

My X didn't and it cost him loads and loads of money :)

 

The one thing I thought of today that I didn't put in there is about who gets to claim ds on taxes.....I think I will ask for that too.

[Scarlett]

So he wants to have him half time? Or he's more interested in making decisions??

Carrie

 

I think he is mostly interested in looking like a 'good' dad. He isn't asking for him half time.

[Audrey]

On the house... emotionally it is going to be baggage. IMO, don't saddle yourself with baggage you can dump.

[Remudamom]

I can tell you what my sister would tell you. Cut as many ties with the bastard as possible. Her ex is dragging her into court over the house. Sharing custody is killing them. Sis spends half her time de-programming the girls from their dad's house. Stick it to him.

[OH Kim]

I've seen way too many newly divorced women who got the house - and then lost it because of mortgage payments being too large for their budget or the xh failing to pay his share.

 

I'd counsel a woman to downsize to something she can afford on her own.

[eight_gregorys]

It is possible to get full custody. I have full custody when x-dh and I divorced. He wasn't a bad person or anything, but I wanted to be able to make decisions regarding his education without it being a battle. My sister has joint custody of her children and there is a clause stating that if they can't decide on any specific issue the person who has primary physical custody (my sister) gets the final say. Maybe that is something you can pursue.

 

I'm sorry your going through this. I know divorce turns everything upside down and sometimes the things people do to be spiteful is atrocious. I hope everything goes well for you.

[Scarlett]

It is possible to get full custody. I have full custody when x-dh and I divorced. He wasn't a bad person or anything, but I wanted to be able to make decisions regarding his education without it being a battle. My sister has joint custody of her children and there is a clause stating that if they can't decide on any specific issue the person who has primary physical custody (my sister) gets the final say. Maybe that is something you can pursue.

 

I'm sorry your going through this. I know divorce turns everything upside down and sometimes the things people do to be spiteful is atrocious. I hope everything goes well for you.

 

 

 

Thanks everyone. Your stories do help me. I'm in a very good position and I want to ask for all I can now while the iron is hot so to speak.

[KidsHappen]

Not every state will allow full custoday without extenuating circumstances. Almost all states require joint custody. My ex hubby got two divorces in two states both of which required joint custody even though he was willing to give it up. Our divorce was relatively civil. I left with my dd, her toys, her clothes and my clothes and books - period. That's what I agreed to just to get out. My ex kept my son and everything else. There was no child support because we had each taken one child but we had joint custody and it was a pain. We fought it out for 13 years until my youngest from that marriage turned 18. I don't know that I have spoken to the man since. I would cut every bind that I possibly could because I guarantee if there are any strings left he will pull them and you will regret it. Get everything else in written, in detail. Leave absolutely nothing to chance. Sell the house and move to something cheaper. Get any money you can now. Cash in the hand and all. I am so sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

I've seen way too many newly divorced women who got the house - and then lost it because of mortgage payments being too large for their budget or the xh failing to pay his share.

 

I'd counsel a woman to downsize to something she can afford on her own.

 

This is exactly what is happening to my sister. She and the girls aren't going to have anywhere to go, and he does. not. care.

[iluvmy4blessings]

Sending this in a pm

Edited September 8, 2009 by iluvmy4blessings

[Scarlett]

Cash in the hand and all. I am so sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry for my son, but otherwise I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my chest. But thanks for the hugs....:)

[Scarlett]

I've seen way too many newly divorced women who got the house - and then lost it because of mortgage payments being too large for their budget or the xh failing to pay his share.

 

I'd counsel a woman to downsize to something she can afford on her own.

 

If I could get him to sign over the house into my name with all equity going to me, I could afford this house. We owe roughly what my share of the equity would be so I could easily refinance and hang on for a while or sell if I do decide to down size. I'd prefer to have the cash up front too...

[MariannNOVA]

Yes, I received better terms on certain issues by agreeing to terms prior to going to court.

I had as many ties cut as was possible (college funding had to be addressed and that was down the road a couple of years), but the house was mine and I was able to sell (or not) when I wanted - I sold as I wanted a new 'home' for me and the girls.

 

My advice (to keep this short) is to sever as many ties as you can, get the things that are important to you right at the start (use those as your bargaining chips) BECAUSE he can always bring you back into court to re-negotiate anything that is still tying the two of you together -- so cut those ties now.

 

I am going to presume that you have an attorney advising you on a property agreement that will serve you well. All the best!

[wagnfun]

I think the less threads tying you together, the better. So I'd prefer the house sold asap and to buy something smaller of your own.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: From family experience, things tend to change if/when one remains. Even more so if one remarries and then has more kids/step kids. 9 years is a long time.

[Scarlett]

Yes, I received better terms on certain issues by agreeing to terms prior to going to court.

I had as many ties cut as was possible (college funding had to be addressed and that was down the road a couple of years), but the house was mine and I was able to sell (or not) when I wanted - I sold as I wanted a new 'home' for me and the girls.

 

My advice (to keep this short) is to sever as many ties as you can, get the things that are important to you right at the start (use those as your bargaining chips) BECAUSE he can always bring you back into court to re-negotiate anything that is still tying the two of you together -- so cut those ties now.

 

I am going to presume that you have an attorney advising you on a property agreement that will serve you well. All the best!

 

Yes I do. He is great.

[Scarlett]

:iagree::iagree::iagree: From family experience, things tend to change if/when one remains. Even more so if one remarries and then has more kids/step kids. 9 years is a long time.

 

My mom and step dad tried living in the house that he was in with his wife before she died. His wife was my mom's friend for 30 years. She says that was a very bad idea. So yeah, I would not bring a new husband (can't even think about THAT right now LOL) into this house.

[Scarlett]

Well, we've been emailing back and forth for a few days and I've just made my final offer to him.

 

Gave him two to choose from. Both include me being granted full custody with the visitation schedule I want. One has me keeping the house and all equity in lieu of longer alimony. This option gives me less overall, but more upfront and tax free. Option two has him keeping the house and paying me alimony for 8 1/2 years.

 

I gave him a deadline of 2:00 p.m. tomorrow to respond or we move forward with lawyers and court appearances and depositions.

 

I included clauses about bonues, who claims our son on taxes, tax refund for next year, and taxes due next month. I also asked that he pay all attorney fees and court cost with either option.

 

Thanks to all for your advice....Now I wait.

[buddhabelly]

Well, we've been emailing back and forth for a few days and I've just made my final offer to him.

 

Gave him two to choose from. Both include me being granted full custody with the visitation schedule I want. One has me keeping the house and all equity in lieu of longer alimony. This option gives me less overall, but more upfront and tax free. Option two has him keeping the house and paying me alimony for 8 1/2 years.

 

I gave him a deadline of 2:00 p.m. tomorrow to respond or we move forward with lawyers and court appearances and depositions.

 

I included clauses about bonues, who claims our son on taxes, tax refund for next year, and taxes due next month. I also asked that he pay all attorney fees and court cost with either option.

 

Thanks to all for your advice....Now I wait.

 

:grouphug: Good luck, Scarlett. I really like option one, if you like the house. I'm assuming you do or you would have asked him to buy you out (or is that included in option two)? Anyway, a woman should have a "room of one's own" (Virginia Woolf), so I hope you end up with some real estate.

 

Julie

[Scarlett]

:grouphug: Good luck, Scarlett. I really like option one, if you like the house. I'm assuming you do or you would have asked him to buy you out (or is that included in option two)? Anyway, a woman should have a "room of one's own" (Virginia Woolf), so I hope you end up with some real estate.

 

Julie

 

I'm torn on which I would prefer. I don't want to move, but I also have a big house with a big yard that just about killed me to keep mowed this summer. OTOH, my boy is getting bigger (he will be 10 next mowing season) and can help me more.

 

Either way I will have a house for us. If he keeps the house I will have enough equity to buy a small place outright.

[Night Elf]

Yes, I was the one who suggested we work amicably. He was fine with it. We got along well. Then his new wife came into the picture and everything changed. All the sacrifices I made, that the law wouldn't have required me to make, went out the window. Basically, it all came back to bite me in the rear end. It's been a god-awful past 5 years (when the bad stuff really started happening) and I can't wait until my dd17's 18th birthday so I can tell the ex and his wife both to go to... well, you know. As it is, the last huge fight we had was in May, I think. I haven't said more than hi and bye to him. Even that is too much for me.

 

I should have gotten everything in writing. I should not have agreed to anything verbal. I should not have allowed changes to our agreement without changing the custody papers. I wish I could go back and do it all over again, of course, knowing what I know now.

 

Editing to add: we divorced when my dd was 3 years old. He remarried when she was 9 and they kept her and refused our custody arrangement of joint custody. They threatened all out war if I even attempted to get her to live with me. A lawyer told me that a judge would likely rule in their favor since they had current physical custody and she was enrolled in their local school, the whole 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' crap. I didn't want to lose what custody I had so I didn't pursue it. When she was 12, I asked them to let her live with me since she was changing schools anyway, moving into middle school. Again, they threatened all our war. The day she turned 14 years old, she signed legal papers asking the court to let her live with me. In Georgia, 14 year olds have the right to choose. I finally had a chance to put exactly what I wanted in the agreement. The piece I like best is if we can't agree on things like doctors, school, etc. then I get final say. :)

Edited September 9, 2009 by Night Elf

[Impish]

Get. Everything. In. Writing. Notarized. Email won't count for squat. Ensure that you both stand in front of a Notary and have it all witnessed. Everything spelled out. Every possible issue you can think of addressed. Leave nothing to chance or assumption.

[Scarlett]

Get. Everything. In. Writing. Notarized. Email won't count for squat. Ensure that you both stand in front of a Notary and have it all witnessed. Everything spelled out. Every possible issue you can think of addressed. Leave nothing to chance or assumption.

 

Oh I will. The email to him is just his opportunity to agree to it....if he does I will hand it over to my attorney for him to write it up formally. Thanks to suggestions from you ladies, and my family and friends, I think I've got everything covered. I even listed days of the year with religious significance to me and ds that I will have ds regardless of the schedule.

[Scarlett]

Sigh. Stbxh just advised me he finds both my offers unacceptable. So I've contacted my attorney and he has already told opposing counsel husband will be deposed next week.

[gingersmom]

I just thought of one more thing with all the talk about you keeping the house.

 

Can you afford the house you currently live in if he stops paying alimony, stops or is late with child support?

 

Drops your sons health insurance?

 

Does not do as he agreed to in your divorce agreement?

 

I speak from experience. My X just decided not to pay child support. Some months he paid whatever he felt like and then for nearly a year or more he paid nothing.

 

The courts work but it is slow and tedious. I actually was on the verge of filing for food stamps before back child support started slowly rolling in.

[JennifersLost]

I'm rushing, so haven't read all replies.

 

My advice is make everything extremely cut and dried.

 

Don't do weekday/night visits if at ALL possible. The kids come home so wound up it takes hours to get relaxed again and it goes on for years. On weekends, make sure they come home early enough to settle down before the next week and don't schedule anything for a night they come home.

 

Sell the house, cut your losses. Make your bills as low as humanly possible. You have no idea what might happen down the road.

 

Maybe instead of those weeknight visits, throw in an extra weekend every other month.

 

Oh, and don't do too many "trades"....insist on keeping to the schedule unless it's life or death. That way you can plan trips, vacations, dates, etc., months in advance and know what your schedule is.

[Andie]

I haven't been around much, lately. Just wanted to say hello, Scarlett, and I hope all goes as smoothly as it can. Doesn't sound like he wants to make it easy, though. Best wishes to you. How's ds?

[Scarlett]

I haven't been around much, lately. Just wanted to say hello, Scarlett, and I hope all goes as smoothly as it can. Doesn't sound like he wants to make it easy, though. Best wishes to you. How's ds?

 

Thanks Andie. Good to see you.

 

Ds is mostly fine. stbxh has been out of the house for 3 months now, so we are kind of used to the routine and our life together, ds and me, is peaceful and calm. So that part is better. He sees his dad way more now, in these last 3 months than he EVER did before. For show I feel, but whatever.

 

I think stbxh is bullying me...and bullies back down usually. So I am just going to ride it out.

[Scarlett]

I just thought of one more thing with all the talk about you keeping the house.

 

Can you afford the house you currently live in if he stops paying alimony, stops or is late with child support?

 

Drops your sons health insurance?

 

Does not do as he agreed to in your divorce agreement?

 

I speak from experience. My X just decided not to pay child support. Some months he paid whatever he felt like and then for nearly a year or more he paid nothing.

 

The courts work but it is slow and tedious. I actually was on the verge of filing for food stamps before back child support started slowly rolling in.

 

No, I can't. However, I would be shocked if he didn't pay what the court orders. I know it could happen but that is way down on the list of my worries.

 

If I get the house I don't really plan on staying indefinitely anyway. I will sell when our life settles down and the market is better. I want to own a house outright with no mortgage which I think will be possible.

 

One thing I'm not sure of is if I have a certain amount of cash how much of it should I put into a house? I know I need savings....and I will just roll over my half of the 401K into an IRA or something....Guess I need to revisit the Dave Ramsey plan.

[Cera]

And ask for right of first refusal for childcare/babysitting (but only if you are willing to give him the same).

[Scarlett]

And ask for right of first refusal for childcare/babysitting (but only if you are willing to give him the same).

 

I struggled with this because I didn't want to give him the same....but I put it in because he won't ever be available when I would want to leave ds. My main concern is the vacation time...I put in there I want ds returned to me if stbxh can't watch him for some reason.

[Cammie]

A few thoughts...custody deal both with physical custody (where will the child live primarily) and legal custody (decision making authority.) You can have joint custody that allows dad to retain equal rights to see school records and influence major life decisions but still have primary physical custody with you. It is important to understand that there is a huge psychological impact on a parent who loses the legal right to even make decisions for the child.

 

I would say sell the house - the fewer possible issues between the two of you the better!

 

Good luck!

[Tess in the Burbs]

when I spoke to a lawyer last month he was very clear that we couldn't own the home together and get divorced...there were no legal grounds to help me if he stopped paying on it.

 

he said either I buy it and make the payments or he buys it and lives in it. but any other agreement would not be legal and no way to enforce it if things change on one person's side later on.

 

protect yourself and sell and get a smaller place.

[Rosie_0801]

No, I can't. However, I would be shocked if he didn't pay what the court orders. I know it could happen but that is way down on the list of my worries.

 

I wouldn't be in the least bit shocked if he decided to quit his job so he didn't have to pay. My dad did that.

 

Rosie

[Joanne]

Originally Posted by Scarlett

No, I can't. However, I would be shocked if he didn't pay what the court orders. I know it could happen but that is way down on the list of my worries.

 

With love, prayer and understanding, I hope this is your situation.

 

(gently) Be aware that it can easily deteriorate. My divorce, on the surface, was "collaborative". "We" never went before the Judge; only I did. My xh went to my attorney's office to sign. We discussed the details and it was relatively "easy".

 

It's been, um, not good since about 6 months after.

 

Here's what I know. You'll have issues from now until your children are adults. And possibly beyond.

 

Know you can PM me anytime for private support.

[Scarlett]

I wouldn't be in the least bit shocked if he decided to quit his job so he didn't have to pay. My dad did that.

 

Rosie

 

They will throw his rear in jail here for that.

[Scarlett]

With love, prayer and understanding, I hope this is your situation.

 

(gently) Be aware that it can easily deteriorate. My divorce, on the surface, was "collaborative". "We" never went before the Judge; only I did. My xh went to my attorney's office to sign. We discussed the details and it was relatively "easy".

 

It's been, um, not good since about 6 months after.

 

Here's what I know. You'll have issues from now until your children are adults. And possibly beyond.

 

Know you can PM me anytime for private support.

 

Thanks Joanne. I know you've had a really rough time of it.

 

Our negotiations have broken down. He is being deposed next week. And two of the girls he slept with are being subpoened. He is a bully though who is highly concerned with his image. No one thinks he will let it get that far. We shall see. I"m prepared to go before a judge and accept what he orders rather than let stbxh set the terms of our divorce.

[Scarlett]

Oh and just in case this messy divorce isn't enough, the mammogram I had a week ago is....something....they want another look at something that they took another look at 2 years ago, but not last year. I can't even think about that right now. I have to go back in a week from tomorrow. I think I might call in the morning and beg for an early week appt.

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'll say a prayer for some good news for you. :grouphug:

[Cammie]

First, I am an ex-divorce lawyer so I have seen the good, the bad and the VERY ugly.

 

Please don't let him bully you into anything. While most of the times it is best if the parties can reach a settlement on their own and keep the judge out of it - sometimes you really will need a neutral third party to make some orders.

 

The actual structuring of the divorce and property settlement depends on the state you are in. In some states you could certainly continue to own joint property (not a good idea but it could be done.) If you can afford it, let him buy you out and you own the home. If you cannot afford it, better to move on now and get started in a new place.

 

Please remember that these guys will OFTEN use custody as a tool to get what they really want - MONEY. I am not a man-hater but the reality is that most men understand that mom has been the primary caretaker and is the parent most likely to continue in that role. They also know that a good way to force a mom to do something is to threaten her relationship with the children. The judge won't like it and will see right through it.

 

Stick to your guys. Sever as many financial ties as you can. Focus on how to maintain a healthy parenting relationship between him and your children - that should be your main goal.

 

Good luck!

[Scarlett]

First, I am an ex-divorce lawyer so I have seen the good, the bad and the VERY ugly.

 

Please don't let him bully you into anything. While most of the times it is best if the parties can reach a settlement on their own and keep the judge out of it - sometimes you really will need a neutral third party to make some orders.

 

The actual structuring of the divorce and property settlement depends on the state you are in. In some states you could certainly continue to own joint property (not a good idea but it could be done.) If you can afford it, let him buy you out and you own the home. If you cannot afford it, better to move on now and get started in a new place.

 

Please remember that these guys will OFTEN use custody as a tool to get what they really want - MONEY. I am not a man-hater but the reality is that most men understand that mom has been the primary caretaker and is the parent most likely to continue in that role. They also know that a good way to force a mom to do something is to threaten her relationship with the children. The judge won't like it and will see right through it.

 

Stick to your guys. Sever as many financial ties as you can. Focus on how to maintain a healthy parenting relationship between him and your children - that should be your main goal.

 

Good luck!

 

This is EXACTLY what he is trying to do with the custody/visitation thing. He won't win custody---no way. But he is trying to screw with me by saying he will insist on the stupid 'Standard Order' which doesn't work for our lives AT ALL. I'm not backing down. I asked my attorney today if I could petition the judge for a modified visitation schedule based upon the fact that I am a SAHM, homeschooling our son and we don't celebrate traditional holidays. He said absolutely.

 

So I"m not letting him bully me. He has done that our entire married life and I'm done with that. I'm ok with however it works out....my worst case result is better than what he is offering, and his best case result is worse than what I"m offering. He is a fool.

[SonshineLearner]

"Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlett

Sigh. Stbxh just advised me he finds both my offers unacceptable. So I've contacted my attorney and he has already told opposing counsel husband will be deposed next week."

 

 

I read "disposed" :lol: As in "disposed of" :lol::lol::lol:

 

Carrie

[Scarlett]

"Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlett

Sigh. Stbxh just advised me he finds both my offers unacceptable. So I've contacted my attorney and he has already told opposing counsel husband will be deposed next week."

 

 

I read "disposed" :lol: As in "disposed of" :lol::lol::lol:

 

Carrie

 

I wish! Is there a legal way to do that? :glare:

[Osmosis Mom]

I wish! Is there a legal way to do that? :glare:

 

Oh, Scarlett, you need to change that siggy of yours.....LOL!!