Wee Pip Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Does anyone else here have a high needs baby? Mine is only happy being held 24/7, lying at an inclined position on my chest, while my hand constantly goes "thump, thump, thump" on her back. Car trips? Nope. Baby swing? Nope. Lie on Mommy's chest and get her back thumped? Yup. She'll only ride in my sling if she's in the right mood:glare: She has big time reflux and has thrush, and the thrush meds are making the reflux so much worse. ARgh. And while we're at it...anyone else with the high needs baby also happen to have a family that doesn't understand why you can't tie their shoes (kids), make their lunch (all of them), or whip up dessert (all of them)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My youngest son was very high needs and wanted to be held all the time. I ended up wearing him in a sling for 12-14 hours a day. Oddly he slept in his crib at night..... Months later we found out he had severe food allergies and with that knowledge, I was able to look back and realize I was eating tons of the foods he was allergic to during those months. Just a thought.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schsmom Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Oh I have the baby fever right now. My third was a very high needs baby. My DH rushed out for a VS and now I want more! But can't obviously. Cherish the time you have with your precious little one. Every last wimper and fuss:) I was going to suggest sling but I see it doesn't always work. Reflux is hard and makes them miserable! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 If I were you I'd get that new book that decodes even the smallest babies cries. I wish I had it when my DD was a premature baby. We also liked the book Happiest Baby on the Block. With reflux and everything, you will only be able to do so much until she grows out of some of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country Girl Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My youngest son was very high needs and wanted to be held all the time. I ended up wearing him in a sling for 12-14 hours a day. Oddly he slept in his crib at night..... Months later we found out he had severe food allergies and with that knowledge, I was able to look back and realize I was eating tons of the foods he was allergic to during those months. Just a thought.... :iagree: My oldest was very high needs! I didn't really realize it at the time since he was my first and I had very little experience with babies (although everyone else kept commenting on how "intense" he was:D). But we have since found out he has severe food allergies and I too, was eating lots of the things he was allergic too. If you are nursing you may want to see if eliminating some things from your diet makes a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My youngest son was very high needs and wanted to be held all the time. I ended up wearing him in a sling for 12-14 hours a day. Oddly he slept in his crib at night..... Months later we found out he had severe food allergies and with that knowledge, I was able to look back and realize I was eating tons of the foods he was allergic to during those months. Just a thought.... I could have written this post! That was my #2. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My second daughter was a very high needs baby. She too had reflux. When I had my now 9 yr old I didn't realize that she could have reflux medicine to help. M ost premiees are born with reflux anyways. My nephew was born premature, was 2lbs 2 ounces at birth, and he is 3yrs old now and still suffers from reflux. I would take a look at your diet. Maybe have her started on reflux meds (Prevacid does wonders) because well reflux hurts and if she has thrush I wouldn't blame her that hurts too. Once you get the reflux and thrush under control I bet you will have a happier baby. Well not totally 100% happier but pretty darned close. Also remember, though it maybe hard, to enjoy your little one. I have times where I wished I would of enjoyed my 2nd daugther more. My fourth was born with medical problems and though I tried I still wished I enjoyed her more and worried less. As for others. When others make suggestions I then start recruiting people to watch the baby with high needs and see what its like for a day. I feel if they know the answers then they can do it. Now is a good time for your other children to become more independed and tie their own shoes, or get velcro or slip on shoes and dessert is overrated. My belief is if someone wants something bad enough they can get it themselves. LOL. I know my 6yr old does a fine job at getting her desserts when she forgets to ask permission for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My youngest son was very high needs and wanted to be held all the time. I ended up wearing him in a sling for 12-14 hours a day. Oddly he slept in his crib at night..... Months later we found out he had severe food allergies and with that knowledge, I was able to look back and realize I was eating tons of the foods he was allergic to during those months. Just a thought.... :iagree: That is exactly what the issue with my so-called high needs baby. My doctor finally clued me in that she was displaying symptoms of food allergies and suggested that I find out what I was eating that she was allergic to. She turned into to a much different baby, but never did turn into a good sleeper like her siblings - probably because she was in distress for so long. And my newest great-niece. Again with constant crying, only happy lying on someone's stomach and having hers thumped. She also battles terrible thrush, and right now has horrible jaundice. My niece had to quit nursing and the baby is finally on a prescription formula and is sleeping so maybe she has found something she can properly digest. Oh - and hugs to you. It is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My youngest son was very high needs and wanted to be held all the time. I ended up wearing him in a sling for 12-14 hours a day. Oddly he slept in his crib at night..... Months later we found out he had severe food allergies and with that knowledge, I was able to look back and realize I was eating tons of the foods he was allergic to during those months. Just a thought.... Yup. My babies couldn't tolerate the very small amount of milk I consumed (just the milk in my cold cereal). Their "reflux" (no one used that word 33 years ago) cleared up when I quit the dairy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Mine was very high needs. He couldn't tolerate me sitting down. I had to hold him and walk around bouncing literally every second that he wasn't nursing. I'd say he nursed about 12 hours a day, and had to be bounced and walked around the other 12 hours. He never slept alone. Not for a minute. If I tried to set him down, he was instantly awake and would require two hours of nursing or walking/bouncing to relax again. He absolutely wore me out. The Ezzo folks at my church thought I was insane. He was also a high-needs toddler and a high-needs preschooler. But, now, at age 12, he's a very nice, very bright, fairly normal, and not particularly difficult preteen. He's an only child, though. I couldn't even imagine having another one until he was about six, and by then I was too old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfinbaby Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I didn't know my high needs baby had reflux and allergies until I looked back on it. Everybody just kept giving me the "Oh I'm sure he's not spitting up that much" and, as for his crying jags, since he was my first I really didn't know any better! He's 10 now and we've discovered he's a little bit allergic to almost everything. Ugh. Good luck mama - I feel ya. Maybe a sling like a Moby where you can tie your little one onto your chest upright?? My ds didn't like the cradle hold and it's the only one I knew at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in FL Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Wow, I didn't know I wasn't the only one! My #2 child was very high needs and would not sleep unless on my chest. She was very cranky and I had to hold her a lot. The sling worked at times, but mainly belly down on my chest. We did finally get her sleeping on her own but only on her belly. She was diagnosed at 15 months as lactose intolerant. As she's gotten older we realize she also has extreme sensitivities to artificials. If someone who is lactose intolerant has milk it causes cramping in the intestines, which was why she was only comfy on her belly. No one in dh's or my family were ever lactose intolerant. If I had only known that during the first year life would have been SO much better. Melissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My high needs baby (my ds) also had food allergies and reflux. Bad combo. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I only started cooking three nights a week again when my first was one. Then I got pregnant with #2. My 2 year old has worked out how to make toast and has taken to keeping a small pile of bread next to the toaster. A resourceful little woman, that one. Chiropractics wouldn't help with the reflux? Not if it's caused by an immature system, of course, but they vomit more if their neck is out of alignment. Regular chiropractics did wonders for my first. #2 is just a chucky kind of kid, so it doesn't help with him. Could be worth a try. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My high needs baby (my ds) also had food allergies and reflux. Bad combo. Kelly In our case, it was the food allergies which caused the reflux. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Dot was like that. She didn't stop screaming until she was capable of independant movement. :glare: Dr Sears' "Fussy Baby Book" and "Nighttime Parenting", along with Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's "Raising Your Spirited Child" helped. My ring sling was a lifesaver as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My first wanted to be held constantly. Fortunately, she liked the sling. She also had colic for three weeks that made her scream for 3-4 hours every night and nothing helped. I finally took her to the chiropractor and he cured the nightly screaming in one visit. It just stopped that day. Her neck was out of alignment. Consequently, all of my children have their first visit to the chiropractor before they are a week old now. The needing to be held all the time didn't get better, though. However, like others have said, she had allergies. She was allergic to dairy (a major food group for me) but it wasn't caught until she started eating solids...then it gave her severe constipation, what looked like chemical burns on her bottom where the poo touched even for a second, and allergic shiners. I'd have baby checked by a chiropractor and then start an elimination diet, starting with dairy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My son was also VERY high needs -- I used to joke that his feet never touched the ground until he was 2. He needed constant carrying/movement or he would scream nonstop until I picked him up again. He also turned out to have food allergies, as well as sensory integration issues. (I'm seeing a definite pattern here!) Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy in Indy Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I soooo remember those very hard years. My youngest was the textbook definition of high needs--wouldn't sleep the first year unless I held him, and then only slept a few hours a day. For five years, he only slept next to me, touching me in some way. (Then it was like a switch flipped, and he moved to his own bed.) Actually, it wasn't only sleep that was an issue--I couldn't leave the room until he was around five. It was a long haul. But when he decided to "cut the cord," he became a confident, very happy little boy. My decision early on (after reading several of Dr. Sears' books) was to give my ds what I thought he needed. It took a lot of time and patience, but the rewards have been many. Hang on. It really does end, and on the other end, you'll have a great kid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 (edited) Baby #4 was very high needs. She suckled almost non-stop (not milk drawing, just that little tongue action), but mostly just needed me to hold her 24/7. She slept with us, but then I always had my babies sleep with me...I just got more rest that way. She was quite peaceful and happy when held...it wasn't a health issue. When 5 months old she couldn't even be laid on a blanket to explore her toys...maybe 1 minute max, you would have thought I'd stuck her with a pin! Hey, life had to go on! That's when I bought the back-pack/carrier. It was better for that age as I could cook, clean, shop, fold laundry, etc. and my whole front side was free from obstruction., She practically lived in it. Sometimes she spent whole days in it. I don't regret having "worn" her for 2 1/2+ years. She was still a little clingy at 4yo, but quite secure and independent at 5yo. I have to admit, she's 17yo now and is the sweetest of all my children. However, it was exremely challenging those first few months and I still remember it. ****The thrush strikes me as a signal flag. My friend had slightly preemie twins (NICU, etc)...once home, they had a rough time with digestion, cried alot and also had thrush. A miserable baby can be very clingy. The doctors weren't much help (other than prescrip for the thrush). Her midwife had her get a high quality acidophilus at the health food store...it was the refrigerated powder type and needed to be mixed with distilled water for each dose....but within 24-36 hours those babies were calm, digesting well, and the thrush rapidly cleared up. Here's the reason: preemies are put on cycles of antibiotics as a precautionary measure (the mom confirmed this) and it can totally wreak havoc with their digestive system in the intestines....they just didn't have the healthy flora needed for proper functioning (pain, yeast etc.). In addition, having poor intestinal flora can cause a predispositon toward food allergies. It's true that health starts in the gut. I"d seek an alternative healthcare person about this...doctors just don't acknowledge these repercussions. HTH, Geo Edited August 2, 2009 by Geo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Since allergies have already been mentioned, I suggest looking into a mei tai carrier, or even a wrap, if that's your thing. Try keeping her upright facing in and see if that helps. If you need help figuring out a brand or place to buy, let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenmamato3 Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 i can identify with everything about your story. :D i'll hit the highlights without any of the prose or long-winded explanations as much as i can: -New Chapter Organics Probiotics ... it will help with the thrush and the balance of flora in his gut which directly affects his GI tract as a whole, and therefore the reflux, etc. -find an Herbalist or a homeopathic/naturopath ASAP. our 3rd had gull-bladder sludge that was causing the reflux and the wacky diaper evidence, and NONE of the traditional doctors felt that was strange even though it showed up on their ultrasound scans of his GI tract to "confirm" he had reflux. the damage the reflux was doing to his esophagus was COMPLETELY HEALED naturally with a tailored-to-his-body regiment from our homeopath/herbalist who tested with the Meridian system. this was the main factor in his healing, IMHO. it's worth EVERY penny. -start an elimination diet -- and realize that "dairy" means more than just milk, yogurt, and cheese. milk derivatives ABOUND in everything from granola bars to bread. be scrupulous. -baby's bliss gripe water -utilize a well-qualified chiropractor -find a ped or a GP who UNDERSTANDS the correlation between food and health ... and who will support you in pursuing "alternative" treatments -don't do the prevacid!!!!!! -swaddle! really tight .... -put him to sleep on his belly to sleep -we loved our hotsling but then soon found our babyhawk just as wonderful. -hold the baby like a football to calm him ... his cheek/neck goes in the bend of your arm and your forearm supports his body. DS spent HOURS each day in the position!!! cuddle cuddle cuddle. :) and get help with the other kids! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsintheGarden Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I had a horrible case of thrush with my twins - diflucan did not help, so I found a natural alternative. PM me if you would like the details. I agree with the comments about the chiropractor, and that yeast problems can lead to a host of other things. A friend of mine had a baby who cried constantly until she got realigned. I'd work on the chiropractor, yeast, and dairy elimination first. GardenMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieW in Texas Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My middle dd was very much like this. She didn't have any food allergies or reflux, but she did have sensory integration issues and Asperger's. She screamed most of the day until she was about 4yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Seriously--that first baby ripped all the baby lust out of my heart and stomped it flat. When I realized that we could adopt our next child, and that in all likelihood she wouldn't be one of those awful, wailing infants, I all but jumped for joy. When I held my new-to-me 15 month old Chinese toddler in my arms, I knew I'd scammed the system. :D Oh, and the next person who told me to "enjoy these times, they're only this age once" was gonna get her nose broken. I feel/have felt your pain. If it is any comfort, the evil baby is now a model child. Once she started walking (thank God, it was at 9 months), she was a different child. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Since everyone's covered the food allergies angle, I just wanted to mention that probiotics could be a HUGE help for a kid with reflux and yeast issues. Take a look at her diet and yours, and see if removing the biggies (dairy, gluten, eggs, nuts, or corn, etc.) reduces her symptoms. Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Dd2 has sensory issues and was very high needs. Combine that with the fact that she came to live with us at 5mo, that she had an undiagnosed milk allergy (and was on milk formula), and her bio mom did drugs, smoked and drank during her pregnancy...and she had a few things working against her from the beginning. She vomited several times a day, had horrible skin issues, had seasonal allergies that left her full of mucus and a single sneeze would get you running with Kleenex. Now as 2.75yo she is still high needs in a different way with behavior issues. Still fussy, still allergic to milk, still hypersensitive....but in a powerful 38lb body that can do some damage when she gets mad and starts throwing things or hitting. Yesterday, dh and I babysat a 7mo baby for 5hours. She was soooooo easy even though she was crawling everywhere and getting into things. DD10 was high needs too so after having my last two babies being high needs, it is amazing to spend time with a baby that was a pure joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in the UP of MI Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 (edited) Dr Sears' "Fussy Baby Book" and "Nighttime Parenting", along with Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's "Raising Your Spirited Child" helped. My ring sling was a lifesaver as well. I highly recommend these books too. All three of my kids are high needs, each in their own way, but ds was the most difficult baby for me to care for. He didn't sleep and cried all of the time. I wish I had read The Fussy Baby Book and got up the guts to try the Moby Wrap when he was a baby. I think they would have made a big difference. I also suspect that ds was sensitive to dairy and possibly other things in my diet He was hypersensitive to everything and would wake up at the slightest noise and get uncomfortable very easily. He is still very sensitive, especially to other people's emotions. Youngest dd was my big spitter, and what helped her was for me to cut simple carbs drastically and eat complex carbs instead. She was my baby that actually wanted me to put her down and spent a lot of time near me in the bouncy seat. I think it held her at just the right angle for her to feel better. She also did not like the typical newborn hold in the Moby but loved facing out when she was 3.5 months old. She still likes the Moby now at 18 months. Edited August 2, 2009 by Lisa in the UP of MI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherLynn Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My only advice is to wear the baby upright in a wrap or Mei Tai carrier. She may feel better that way. My youngest was VERY high needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Your baby sounds exactly like my third, who is about to turn 2 in 5 days. I was eventually permitted to put him down, but he's still more "loving" and "cuddly" than the other 2 children were at this age. Hang in there Mom, it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendow1 Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 I haven't read through this whole thread but I agree with the pp who said to check into the food allergies. My little guy has tons of them & he is so much better after we eliminated all of the foods that were giving him trouble. The food allergies/intolerances also made his reflux terrible! Hoping it gets easier for you very soon:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Oh, and the next person who told me to "enjoy these times, they're only this age once" was gonna get her nose broken. Can relate to this statement. I try very hard not to say this to people who are having a hard time. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 My 2nd was high needs which was quite a shock because my first wasnt (would go to anyone, slept well, loved her swing, could entertain herself, went to everyone). I thought I must be such a good mum! Then no 2 wrecked that idea :lol: but it made me MUCH more compassionate towards parents with difficult kids. I think one needs to accept to some extent that the baby is going to cry whatever you do, and do what you need to do and let them cry. I dont mean abandon, or control crying- I was and am an attachment parent believer- but still, if teh baby is going to cry no matter what you do, maybe it just needs to cry and let out that pain? Sometimes I would get so disturbed by the crying all the time I would have to put him in another room and shut the door for a few minutes to calm myself down. Mine wouldnt go to Dad much either, but honestly, he just had to learn to. In the end though...he is a very secure kid from all the holding and attention he demanded for so long (and still does!). He is still a high needs kid, really, at 13, but I wouldnt change him for a minute. He is who he is and he has many sensitive and beautiful qualities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 Thanks all for advice! I use my Maya Wrap whenever she'll take it, and I keep her upright against my shoulder. I cut out all major dairy about 2 weeks ago, and have cut back dramatically on all hidden dairy (it's hard to give up!) I think it has helped some. I also think she's used to having her belly over-full from her NICU days of nurses stuffing her full of bottle in order to fatten her up (she spent 1 month there as a preemie). I think this also contributes to her spitting up. My 1st & 3rd now have both been very demanding babies, and wanted to be cuddled & nursed all the time. My 2nd was difficult in that she was a preemie and went through a time when she had sensory integration issues - rocking, moving, light, touch, and sound became overwhelming when she was tired. But so far, I think my 1st and now 3rd have been the most difficult. The longest I've gotten this one to stay in a crib is 30 minutes, but usually it's 2 mins or less. It's just draining being constantly available and catering to these demands 24/7. Dh has a new high stress job right now, and sometimes is quite needy as well. I'm feeling rather overwhelmed! But I know it'll get easier eventually...I just have to do what I can (investigate possible diet intolerances and use the sling when I can) and ride this out. And to enjoy what I can, because she won't be this little & this needy forever! I remember almost freaking out when my 1st born started sleeping for longer stretches in her car seat, or being content in the infant swing - after all the months of constant attention, I didn't know how to handle those few hours of independence, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachlady Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 After a quick scan through this thread, I thought I would post a few links for baby wearing. You may be aware of them, but sometimes in the midst of trials like these, it can be hard to dig! =) http://www.wearyourbaby.com http://www.thebabywearer.com http://www.wearsthebaby.com Also, FWIW, I had a somewhat similar issue with ds #4. I gave up chocolate and have had a different baby. It usually takes about 24-48 hrs to see the change, but I tested it several times. I have a horrible baby if I eat chocolate and the sweetest, most laid back little guy ever without it. Just thought I would through that in the pot. =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmmom4him Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Our baby girl was a NICU baby. Here are a few things to consider... Was she ever sedated? My guess she was--she does not know how to calm herself--it took us 4 mos after leaving the hosp. :grouphug: Have you tried chiropractic? This is helping our little "bean' a ton. Find a pediatric one, if you need help PLEASE pm me. Get one of those new style bouncy seats that is round and cushy--we have the boppy one and bought it JUST for this baby. She lived in it for a long time. ;) Our bean is still on previcid--$$$$$$$$$$$--$427 a month after ins pays it's share. :glare: Please if you want pm me for my phone number---I struggled with this a whole lot with our baby, about the time she finally started self soothing, she got RSV. :glare: And then I was the clingy one. :001_huh: I will pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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