titianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Am I the only parent on planet Earth who thinks there's something wrong with this? Around here (and I'm guessing all over the country) they have dances at the elementary schools for 5th, 6th, etc grades every year. At church, the little girls sneak in their teenie-bopper magazines that teach them how to kiss and how to dress to attract a guy, spend their time whispering and arguing, some upset, about who is dating who, two girls fighting over the same boy who is supposed to be dating so-and-so, their hair and nails and dresses they plan to wear, trying to get a date, boyfriends cheating on them.... and they're just babies. 10 yos, 12 yos, 13 yos.... Are the parents insane? Are the schools insane? Don't get me wrong. I realize that kids that age are becoming aware of the opposite s*x and that its perfectly normal and natural to have crushes, etc. It's part of growing up. But is this a good reason to force our kids into adulthood before they're ready to handle it emotionally and mentally? Isn't it bad enough that they dress like adults (you can't even find decent clothing that's appropriate for children), wear heavy makeup, etc? And have to deal with divorce, etc? And don't get me started on the teen magazines. Now, if they spend weeks before the "dance" doing nothing but talking about dates and fighting amongst themselves over boys (don't know what the boys are doing...) I can imagine that not much school work is getting done. My daughter is homeschooled, but she gets calls from her friends who tell her, "I've got to talk to someone. So and so is trying to force me to date this guy for the dance and I don't even like him." or whatever. I had a long talk with my daughter. My opinion is, the word, "date" shouldn't even be coming out of their mouths at this age; that dating is preparation for marriage. I tell her that, Lord willing, she'll live into her 80s or 90s. Only 20 years of that she'll be a kid. ENJOY being a kid! Leave the adult stuff for later. But this happens every year and I just want to strangle some adults who think this is cute. Okay, I'll get off my box, now. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 I didn't mean to sound so harsh...I really wouldn't strangle anyone ;0) My apologies. I am just concerned by what I hear these kids talking about. And I wonder if I'm just getting to old and too old fashioned that I find this objectionable. I guess I'm alone, here. :) Take care all, maybe I just need some sleep... Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Never heard of dances at this age, I wonder if they do them at our local schools. I can't imagine doing the same kind of dances that they do in the older grades! Bizarre. But then, I don't even like it when people think it's cute or funny to ask 5 yo's who their boyfriend/girlfriend is. I can't imagine what they're thinking! Merry :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 So I might be normal, afterall. Thanks for bringing me hope that I'm not alone... Kim (In all fairness, I don't know much about the dances---I'm just listening to the kids. I'm sure they're heavily chaperoned, etc. But still...it just seems bizarre that young children are talking about their guys and their dates.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Honestly, all that stuff was going on when I was that age. That doesn't mean I think it's right, but I don't think it's new. In fact, while I know there were dances in 5th and 6th grades when I was in school, I don't know of any where I live now (though there may be). Those magazines. Yikes. They were horrible when I was a pre-teen, and they're horrible now. Cringe... ETA: the dances when I was a kid were, indeed, heavily chaperoned, but it didn't really matter, 'cause the girls were all grouped on one side of the room and the boys on the other, lol... no "dancing" going on... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 We had dances at school in HIGH SCHOOL when you're more mature and can handle relationships a bit better... But never in elementary school. I'm just older than dirt, folks. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 Of course there's no dancing going on. They're barely at the age where you can get them to do group activities, much less dance in front of other kids. They aren't mature enough to handle this sort of thing, yet--developmentally or otherwise. Which begs the question: The teachers, et al are supposed to be trained in child development. They should know that the kids are just going to sit on the sidelines and grin and giggle at each other. DUH! Like I said, bizarre stuff IMHO. Night all, I really must get to bed, but I find this interesting to talk about. Kim Honestly, all that stuff was going on when I was that age. That doesn't mean I think it's right, but I don't think it's new. In fact, while I know there were dances in 5th and 6th grades when I was in school, I don't know of any where I live now (though there may be). Those magazines. Yikes. They were horrible when I was a pre-teen, and they're horrible now. Cringe... ETA: the dances when I was a kid were, indeed, heavily chaperoned, but it didn't really matter, 'cause the girls were all grouped on one side of the room and the boys on the other, lol... no "dancing" going on... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfb5oieu4894 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 TO the OP, I 100% agree with you. Many parents are quick to take unnessary chances with their daughters' hearts. We are probably in the minority, but whether it is popular or not isn't the point! Good observation, and good job!!! :D :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaOz Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I had a long talk with my daughter. My opinion is, the word, "date" shouldn't even be coming out of their mouths at this age; that dating is preparation for marriage. I tell her that, Lord willing, she'll live into her 80s or 90s. Only 20 years of that she'll be a kid. ENJOY being a kid! Leave the adult stuff for later. But this happens every year and I just want to strangle some adults who think this is cute. Okay, I'll get off my box, now. Kim Hi Kim, No, you are NOT the only parent on planet Earth who thinks there is something wrong with this. I totally agree with you. And you should stay on your box because I think that it is a box worth being on. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chalkboard Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I agree with you 100%. And I'll also say that jr. high dances (7th and 8th gr.) were the norm when I was that age, so it's nothing new, and I'm older than you. However, I didn't go as I wasn't allowed, nor did I have the interest. No doubt about it, many parents just think it's cute to see the kiddos awkwardly entering into the boy/girl thing. You have no control on what goes on in someone else's household, but you do have that authority in your own. Make sure your dc see the folly of entering into boy/girl relationships too early. My dd is a midteen and I've always been sure to point out to her the downfalls of having a boyfriend at such a young age. One doesn't have to look far, her own friends, our family, our church, to find several examples of broken hearts, broken friendships, estranged families, divorce, pregnancy, etc. Thankfully, though she is a normal teenage girl, she does not want to get caught up in that. Thank the Lord you have eyes to see things for what's really going on! chalkboard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmwife Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 So funny you posted this, we just watched the movie "The Butter Churn Gang" tonight and they have a dance in it and my husband and I were having the discussion about why in the world they are encouraging that at such a young age. It is ridiculous!!! :confused: It has been our observation that generally parents are totally clueless about what actually happens when young children are pressured into 'dating' at a young age, and the repercussions of that. When you get to know high schoolers in public school and they tell you about what really goes on, you will find out WAY more than you ever wanted to know and then you will be thankful that we can homeschool. FYI: It's not so innocent anymore! Just trust me on this one. Thanks for standing on your soapbox, I'm right there with ya', I couldn't agree with you more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 (edited) When I was in 6th grade (then elementary school) they had us do "square dancing". Later I realized they were trying to get us to actually touch girls (many of us were still growing out of the notion girls had "cooties") but to not touch them too much. But in 1969, at the height of protests over the Vietnam War, the year of Woodstock, and with riots in the streets, "square dancing" was a decidedly "weird" activity for kids from LA (who thought "square dancing" was the kind of dancing "squares" did :tongue_smilie:). Truth told I sort of enjoyed it. Although my cheeks burned at times. And I still remember the song after all these years: Allemande left with the corner gal Dosey doe your own Then promenade with a sweet corner maid Singing Oh Johnny oh Johnny Oh! Swing your partners! Edited May 9, 2009 by Spy Car Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in VA Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 When I was in 6th grade (then elementary school) they had us do "square dancing". Later I realized they were trying to get us to actually touch girls (may of us were still growing out of the notion girls had "cooties") but to not touch them too much. But in 1969, at the height of protests over the Vietnam War, the year of Woodstock, and with riots in the streets, "square dancing" was a decidedly "weird" activity for kids from LA (who thought "square dancing" was the kind of dancing "squares" did :tongue_smilie:). Truth told I sort of enjoyed it. Although my cheeks burned at times. And I still remember the song after all these years: Allemande left with the corner gal Dosey doe your own Then promenade with a sweet corner maid Singing Oh Johnny oh Johnny Oh! Swing your partners! We square-danced in 6th grade gym class. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 We learned to Polka!!! :lol::lol::lol: Seriously! What can I say, I'm from Pittsburgh. I remember 6th grade fondly but I have to admit that was one of the weirder episodes. Oh, and we had junior high dances back when Jimmy Carter was still President. They're lame, but they're not new. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 My experiences with 11, 12 and 13 yos dancing and dating are not typical. They are horrific. All of them involved lack of supervision, lying, parents not aware, parents not home, and sxually precocious behavior--example--a young lady who believed in waiting until marriage for sx, but had a pretty narrow definition of it, because she did everything but penetra....n. At 13. While drunk. With more than 1 boy at a time. And a girl. See? I am against anything that introduces the boy girl stuff that early. I do think adults need to talk to their children about sx, about feelings, about all that. Curiosity, crushes--all of that is absolutely normal. I just don't want to provide a place to experiment. I also think it's part of society/culture numbing our kids by exposure. As I said, my experience isn't typical, but parents, it does happen, and not just in urban areas or really rural areas, or to kids' parents who work full-time or to blended families, or "non-Christians." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 We had dances at school in HIGH SCHOOL when you're more mature and can handle relationships a bit better... But never in elementary school. I'm just older than dirt, folks. Kim I think Ria has kids in college, so she can't be too far behind you. I'm 43, and we definitely had dances in the 6th grade; I have the hideous pictures to prove it. I don't think the school had dances for 5th, but, for some reason, it was very common (and still is) for fire stations to hold youth dances (4th or 5th grade on up). So, another vote for not a great idea, but definitely not new. We definitely danced; no lining up on opposite sides of the gym for us, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Our local school has dances for elementary ages (grade 4 and up , I believe) and a "luau" for the younger crowd. The last year our kids were in ps we went to the luau. It was everybody in the gym, most of the kids wearing hula skirts and leis (that the parents had to 4 times the retail value for), no a/c, LOUD rap/hip-hop music blasting, and the kids running around like maniacs. My oldest son informed me that is what PE was like. From what I heard, the dances for older kids were no lights, loud music and more making ou than actual dancing. (this coming from kids at church, not school staff) Needless to say, we will never participate in a dance for kids. They have to deal with so much junk as they are growing up, it would just be nice to let kids be kids for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fran51 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I am a seasoned mom, too (51). I think it's nuts to entertain the concept of dating at such young ages. Keeping good communication & support with dc goes a long way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sagira Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I come from a different country, but our dances were always supervised by adults with a different mentality than here. I still have pictures from my first dance at graduation from Kindergarten. I was holding hands and dancing with a boy who turned out to be one of my best friends in elementary school and my friend to this day. I learned how to salsa from a male friend at another dance when I was 11 (dancing is common here), and slow danced for the first time while the teachers were grinning as I was the tallest girl in my class and the boy the shortest. His nose came up right to my chest :lol: We actually did dance a lot, but I have no clue what the kids are doing nowadays. I would object if there was anything else going on, like making out. Kids are too young for that. I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 17! Dances for us and for me still were "to dance" and socialize. I would love for my ds to actually dance with a girl. I wouldn't mind. I'd encourage it. Nice memories. Cultural differences perhaps, and we all were Christians as where I come from 95% of people are Christian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Our son attended a Christian summer camp one year. They had a dance at the final night where a boy picked a girl up from her cabin, walked her to the hall, ate dinner together and danced. This was not even just about dancing (like it wasn't a big square dance party where parents and children were all dancing). It was set up like a date. I think he was 11 then. Between that and the mixed swimming, we decided not to send him back. Mixed swimming stops at puberty in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 My sons' elementary school has a 5th grade party after their "graduation" every year. The kids call it a dance, but the reality is that very few kids dance, and the administration is adament that if kids dance, that's fine, but it's a party. The kids are required to wear their anti-drug tshirts for admittance, so clothing really isn't an issue either. It's well chaperoned, and a certain standard of behaviour (i.e., no making out) is expected. Just remember, what the kids call a dance may in fact not really be one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 When I was in school, we used to get those Scholastic catalogs, and mostly the books I remember seeing in them were "How to Kiss" and "How to get a boy" type stuff (no books on how to get a girl, you'll note). I don't remember any worthwhile literature. I consider this, along with suggestive clothing for 18 mo old girls, all to be part of the same package. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I don't even like it when people think it's cute or funny to ask 5 yo's who their boyfriend/girlfriend is. I can't imagine what they're thinking! :iagree: Seriously! What the heck is up with that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan25 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Am I the only parent on planet Earth who thinks there's something wrong with this? Around here (and I'm guessing all over the country) they have dances at the elementary schools for 5th, 6th, etc grades every year. At church, the little girls sneak in their teenie-bopper magazines that teach them how to kiss and how to dress to attract a guy, spend their time whispering and arguing, some upset, about who is dating who, two girls fighting over the same boy who is supposed to be dating so-and-so, their hair and nails and dresses they plan to wear, trying to get a date, boyfriends cheating on them.... and they're just babies. 10 yos, 12 yos, 13 yos.... Are the parents insane? Are the schools insane? Don't get me wrong. I realize that kids that age are becoming aware of the opposite s*x and that its perfectly normal and natural to have crushes, etc. It's part of growing up. But is this a good reason to force our kids into adulthood before they're ready to handle it emotionally and mentally? Isn't it bad enough that they dress like adults (you can't even find decent clothing that's appropriate for children), wear heavy makeup, etc? And have to deal with divorce, etc? And don't get me started on the teen magazines. Now, if they spend weeks before the "dance" doing nothing but talking about dates and fighting amongst themselves over boys (don't know what the boys are doing...) I can imagine that not much school work is getting done. My daughter is homeschooled, but she gets calls from her friends who tell her, "I've got to talk to someone. So and so is trying to force me to date this guy for the dance and I don't even like him." or whatever. I had a long talk with my daughter. My opinion is, the word, "date" shouldn't even be coming out of their mouths at this age; that dating is preparation for marriage. I tell her that, Lord willing, she'll live into her 80s or 90s. Only 20 years of that she'll be a kid. ENJOY being a kid! Leave the adult stuff for later. But this happens every year and I just want to strangle some adults who think this is cute. Okay, I'll get off my box, now. Kim :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Am I the only parent on planet Earth who thinks there's something wrong with this? I mean, I don't know that it sends me into a rage (wink), but, no...you're not alone. It seems as if more and more stuff that used to be the domain of "high schoolers" is trickling down to increasingly younger kids. We had dances in middle school (and boyfriends...::eyeroll::), not that I think that's a great idea...but elementary school is awfully young, for my personal comfort. Makes it harder and harder for Littles to be Littles very long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicianmom Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 My daughter (3 years old, mind you) tends to get attached to various people. One was a 12-year-old boy at church. She was talking about him to some relatives, and they started teasing her about him being her boyfriend! My husband tried to diffuse the situation politely by saying "it's a little early for that", and they said "Oh, it's NEVER too early for boyfriends!" UGH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I think it's disgusting. As well as the fact that they now have elementary cheerleaders shaking their tushies now too. Yuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Yes, we did square dancing in P.E. when I was a kid. I was telling my daughter that there isn't nec anything wrong with dancing and that three are a lot of folk dances, square dances, waltz's that an instructor could teach a group of kids and even their parents and make it a really fun and educational thing. In broad daylight with some cookies and punch on the side. No need for "date" to even come into the picture. Why don't they try something like that? Oh well, Kim When I was in 6th grade (then elementary school) they had us do "square dancing". Later I realized they were trying to get us to actually touch girls (many of us were still growing out of the notion girls had "cooties") but to not touch them too much. But in 1969, at the height of protests over the Vietnam War, the year of Woodstock, and with riots in the streets, "square dancing" was a decidedly "weird" activity for kids from LA (who thought "square dancing" was the kind of dancing "squares" did :tongue_smilie:). Truth told I sort of enjoyed it. Although my cheeks burned at times. And I still remember the song after all these years: Allemande left with the corner gal Dosey doe your own Then promenade with a sweet corner maid Singing Oh Johnny oh Johnny Oh! Swing your partners! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 No doubt stuff goes on that I'd rather not discuss, sheesh... but with the girls I know/speak to, it's more the fighting amongst themselves over boys. It's so ridiculous. It's funny, not too long ago in the news they had the video of 2 girls fighting in the bathroom at school (I think it was in the bathroom...) but they were in HS. Whatever, though; it's ridiculous that our cultur pushes kids into adult situations and then marvel when they handle it so poorly. DUH!!! Kim My experiences with 11, 12 and 13 yos dancing and dating are not typical. They are horrific. All of them involved lack of supervision, lying, parents not aware, parents not home, and sxually precocious behavior--example--a young lady who believed in waiting until marriage for sx, but had a pretty narrow definition of it, because she did everything but penetra....n. At 13. While drunk. With more than 1 boy at a time. And a girl. See? I am against anything that introduces the boy girl stuff that early. I do think adults need to talk to their children about sx, about feelings, about all that. Curiosity, crushes--all of that is absolutely normal. I just don't want to provide a place to experiment. I also think it's part of society/culture numbing our kids by exposure. As I said, my experience isn't typical, but parents, it does happen, and not just in urban areas or really rural areas, or to kids' parents who work full-time or to blended families, or "non-Christians." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Maybe that had something to do with it. Believe me, no dancing in elementary school. I'm trying to remember if there were other dances, now, in HS besides the prom? Can't remember. The square dancing we did was in Florida. I was there briefly for JHigh. Kim I think Ria has kids in college, so she can't be too far behind you. I'm 43, and we definitely had dances in the 6th grade; I have the hideous pictures to prove it. I don't think the school had dances for 5th, but, for some reason, it was very common (and still is) for fire stations to hold youth dances (4th or 5th grade on up). So, another vote for not a great idea, but definitely not new. We definitely danced; no lining up on opposite sides of the gym for us, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Needless to say, we will never participate in a dance for kids. They have to deal with so much junk as they are growing up, it would just be nice to let kids be kids for a while. My sentiment, exactly. We oldsters look back and wish fondly that we were kids again. 2 years ago I woke up one morning unable to move. Arthritis (bad) in just about every joint. It took over 8 mths to get me back on my feet again. 20 years is not a long time to be a kid. Let 'em enjoy their short time of play and fun. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 This is interesting. I think the prob with today in this country, tho, is that our media (TV, magazines, etc) really push mature issues on our kids early. It sells, here. The clothes, movies, etc. all make adult relationships look glamorous, and with kids in disfunctional families (not uncommon), I wonder if they look for an escape into a relationship that they think will make them happy or make them popular with other kids. Making out is a sign of status, here. Again, very immature and a sign that they really don't understand what relationships with the opposite sx are all about. Kim I come from a different country, but our dances were always supervised by adults with a different mentality than here. I still have pictures from my first dance at graduation from Kindergarten. I was holding hands and dancing with a boy who turned out to be one of my best friends in elementary school and my friend to this day. I learned how to salsa from a male friend at another dance when I was 11 (dancing is common here), and slow danced for the first time while the teachers were grinning as I was the tallest girl in my class and the boy the shortest. His nose came up right to my chest :lol: We actually did dance a lot, but I have no clue what the kids are doing nowadays. I would object if there was anything else going on, like making out. Kids are too young for that. I didn't have my first real kiss until I was 17! Dances for us and for me still were "to dance" and socialize. I would love for my ds to actually dance with a girl. I wouldn't mind. I'd encourage it. Nice memories. Cultural differences perhaps, and we all were Christians as where I come from 95% of people are Christian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 I've heard of that sort of thing. I just understand why they would think this is a good thing, esp at a Christian camp? Odd... I'd be pretty awkward at 11, not really knowing any of the kids very well. ?? Kim Our son attended a Christian summer camp one year. They had a dance at the final night where a boy picked a girl up from her cabin, walked her to the hall, ate dinner together and danced. This was not even just about dancing (like it wasn't a big square dance party where parents and children were all dancing). It was set up like a date. I think he was 11 then. Between that and the mixed swimming, we decided not to send him back. Mixed swimming stops at puberty in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 And talking about each other stealing boyfriends, arguing over who likes who, etc... From the sound of the kids I know, sounds like they view it as a real dance around here. Kim My sons' elementary school has a 5th grade party after their "graduation" every year. The kids call it a dance, but the reality is that very few kids dance, and the administration is adament that if kids dance, that's fine, but it's a party. The kids are required to wear their anti-drug tshirts for admittance, so clothing really isn't an issue either. It's well chaperoned, and a certain standard of behaviour (i.e., no making out) is expected. Just remember, what the kids call a dance may in fact not really be one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 At this school event, "dates" are not allowed, the children must be physically signed in and out by a parent/guardian, and are restricted to the gym and the hallway connecting to the restrooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I was in school. Jr. High, 7th, 8th, 9th grade ~ yes. I think if the purpose of holding a dance for youngins is to teach them social graces: how to ask a member of the opposite sex to dance, how to accept or decline gracefully, how to actually dance appropriately, that would be fine and dandy. If the dance consists of disco balls, lowered lights and adults standing in the corners or not actively supervising, then no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 That sounds like it would work and be acceptable/make sense. Then it's just a social get-together for the kids. The only other prob I'd see is the gy-ratin' (popular dancing that is pretty offensive, IMHO) going on that they call dancing...if they actually go out on the floor at all ;) Again, I'm all for folk dances or a good waltz, maybe. Kim At this school event, "dates" are not allowed, the children must be physically signed in and out by a parent/guardian, and are restricted to the gym and the hallway connecting to the restrooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peggy in Va Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Honestly, all that stuff was going on when I was that age. That doesn't mean I think it's right, but I don't think it's new. In fact, while I know there were dances in 5th and 6th grades when I was in school, I don't know of any where I live now (though there may be). Those magazines. Yikes. They were horrible when I was a pre-teen, and they're horrible now. Cringe... ETA: the dances when I was a kid were, indeed, heavily chaperoned, but it didn't really matter, 'cause the girls were all grouped on one side of the room and the boys on the other, lol... no "dancing" going on... ;) Yep, I know we had dances when I was in 6th grade and that was eons ago (1970 to be precise). Yes, some of the girls had "dates" but I don't think anyone ever danced with their date. What I don't remember happening back then that I see today with the girls, some as young as in the 4th grade, is this obsessiveness over the boys. The times I've spent calming some little 4th grade girl down because somebody, told somebody, who told her that somebody wanted to break up with her. For crying out loud, these girls are ten years old, and like the OP said, they're probably going to live to be 80. And dating, OMG, last year my youngest son came home and said some girl wanted him to go on a date with her. I asked him what the kids at school thought going on a date meant. Let's just say my response was, "Allys are where cats date NOT people." Yes in some ways it's all perfectly normal, but in others it has completely gone over the top and off to another dimension. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SLH in ND Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 on planet Earth who thinks there's something wrong with this! I'm in my early 40's and we didn't have dances until jr. high. But now, they happen around here, too. What gets me are the "sleepovers/lock-ins" they have at schools. I don't care if the boys are in one part of the school and the girls are in another area....where there's a will, there's a way. I better not even get started, I might accidentally knock you off your soapbox...;) I also remember learning how to dance in P.E. classes and that was awkward enough! At least it was a "class" setting, rather than a social event, so there wasn't any conflict between girls. Sheri :) Mom to 3 super daughters and wife, of 15 years, to the greatest hubby in the world! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 How about being forced to wrap your arms around a boy.....in health class? I had to demonstrate the Heimlich maneuver on the boy sitting in front of me. It was awkward for both of us. Ugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 The school dance I remember from my elementary years was a pretty innocent affair. No dates and mostly just friends dancing together and parents sharing gossip by the drink table. There was no sense that it was preparation for teen dances or such. My daughter went to one when she was 9 with her then 8 year old cousin and I gather it was much the same. A mix of ages and a pretty casual affair. Both examples though were open to kids of different ages (say about 7-12) so maybe that accounts for the atmosphere. Perhaps school grade dances are something different? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
titianmom Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 The rage is caused by watching schools/parents/culture pushing kids into adulthood before they're ready for it or more correctly, without a healthy support structure and wisdom to handle it. I hear it from the kids, themselves. It isn't just an opinion. As you said, it's just getting harder and harder for kids to be kids. I was talking to my husband about the past, when kids got married at 13. Back then in an agrarian culture where farms were passed down to the next generation, and everyone in the family--young familes, parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents all lived together. But in that world, the young people were under the tutelage of their parents and grandparents, etc--not their peers. I think that's the difference. The kids in school are learning about life, s*x, dating, etc from their peers, silly teen magazines and movies. That's what worries me the most, I guess. They call their friends to find out what they should do about dating a guy, they won't talk to their parents about it because they don't feel mom or dad will understand. Their parents are buying them teen magazines. They don't have the money for them, so mom and dad must be buying them, and one girl even told me her mom buys them for her and gave her a bunch for her birthday. Get the idea? :) Kim I mean, I don't know that it sends me into a rage (wink), but, no...you're not alone. It seems as if more and more stuff that used to be the domain of "high schoolers" is trickling down to increasingly younger kids. We had dances in middle school (and boyfriends...::eyeroll::), not that I think that's a great idea...but elementary school is awfully young, for my personal comfort. Makes it harder and harder for Littles to be Littles very long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 The rage is caused by watching schools/parents/culture pushing kids into adulthood before they're ready for it or more correctly, without a healthy support structure and wisdom to handle it. I hear it from the kids, themselves. It isn't just an opinion. As you said, it's just getting harder and harder for kids to be kids. I was talking to my husband about the past, when kids got married at 13. Back then in an agrarian culture where farms were passed down to the next generation, and everyone in the family--young familes, parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents all lived together. But in that world, the young people were under the tutelage of their parents and grandparents, etc--not their peers. I think that's the difference. The kids in school are learning about life, s*x, dating, etc from their peers, silly teen magazines and movies. That's what worries me the most, I guess. They call their friends to find out what they should do about dating a guy, they won't talk to their parents about it because they don't feel mom or dad will understand. Their parents are buying them teen magazines. They don't have the money for them, so mom and dad must be buying them, and one girl even told me her mom buys them for her and gave her a bunch for her birthday. Get the idea? :) Kim :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I think Ria has kids in college, so she can't be too far behind you. I'm 43, and we definitely had dances in the 6th grade; I have the hideous pictures to prove it. I don't think the school had dances for 5th, but, for some reason, it was very common (and still is) for fire stations to hold youth dances (4th or 5th grade on up). So, another vote for not a great idea, but definitely not new. We definitely danced; no lining up on opposite sides of the gym for us, lol! Oh, ugh. We had dances in 7th and 8th grade, which were the middle school grades when I was growing up. If it helps any, my boys are in ps now and I've only run into two parents (both parents of girls, believe it or not) who approve of this boy-crazy promiscuous behavior. One of those girls was going after my 7th grade son, and I told him, after a few months of him trying to dissuade the girl from calling him, etc., that I would be calling her parents if he didn't make it clear that he wasn't going to associate with her. He made it clear within minutes, lol. Well, she then posted on her facebook that she was heartbroken and that she loved him....to which my 12-yr old replied, "You're in 7th grade. Get over it. He doesn't like you. Deal." LOL. Anyway, the girl hasn't been heard from since. My guys are friends with lots of kids, mostly other boys but some girls, and aside from those two families, we've found similar standards to our own. My sons are not interested in "relationships," nor would they be allowed. We aren't alone, even in public school. But it is out there....shudder. Ria (and I'm 46) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 We square-danced in 6th grade gym class. :) We square danced every year from 6th grade through 12th grade. Our school had 5th/6th grade dances before i went to school there but found that all the kids did was stand around the walls so they stopped having them. When I read the title I was thinking 1st-4th grade. :001_huh: Fifth and sixth grade were considered Jr. High when I was growing up. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I'm 45 and I can't remember any dances held until high school. We did learn to square dance in P.E. in the 6th grade, though. My 15yo has a lot of friends who go to ps. I am amazed at the number of girls that call him over and over, even though he gets the idea they are "after" him and stops answering their calls. It seems girls are SO much more forward these days. I am trying to teach my 12yo dd not to get drawn into this. She needs to have her mind on school, dance, her friends, and her family. I don't allow any of the teeny bopper magazines around here. I can't believe the things I read on their covers in the store! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandellie4 Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 This sort of thing is awful here in our little suburban neck of the woods, too. Teenagers hang around on the street, talking awful and flinging themselves around, and younger siblings just hang around with them. Parents are visiting with other neighbors in their front yards while this is happening, or they're inside because the older kids can watch the younger ones. Sometimes the parents outside will chuckle at something going on with the little kids. Everyone, down to the kindergarteners, seems so sxualized to me. As the kids get older, they seem to get more and more into mature themes. And when the kids are in high school, it seems like all it takes is one parent to undermine other parents' efforts to stay in touch with their children's behavior. We had a woman who lived in our neighborhood who had two underage teen boys, and she used to allow them and their friends to sit around her home and drink until they were bombed. One of the other neighbors confronted her about it, and she said something like, "Well, they're going to drink anyway. At least this is a safe place." The whole thing, it's sad and scary. Life and love are complicated enough without "lessons" becoming ingrained before children are mature enough to make personal choices. I feel like an old fuddy-duddy sometimes. I see a toddler in a bikini and I feel like the child is endangered somehow. Sometimes I feel like all of this sxualization is a form of sanctioned child abuse. :sad: Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Rittenhouse Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 We have these "dances" at our school. They are called activity nights. The rules are enforced. You drop your child off and check him/her in and only you can pick them up promptly at 9:30pm and sign them out. School dress codes are enforced and no one can have an outside guest from another school. EVERY middleschool faculty member plus the school principal and secretary is on site as chaperones. The dances are held in the school athletic facility. One gym has the music playing a faculty member is the disc jockey and music is preapproved. One gym has both phy ed teachers in it with the basketballs. The lobby has ping pong, foosball and the like. The girls are dancing and the boys are playing games. Sounds about right for 11-14 year olds, we don't have any problems. Fortunately our school goes out of its' way to accommandate families/children with different levels of social development and different cultural values. In and of themselves the dance isn't such a bad thing...if handled properly by all; staff, students, and parents. We are very lucky in this respect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 We had teen cotillion in 7th grade, at which we learned to do all kinds of basic ball room dancing. The girls had to wear gloves and the boys had to come over and take a partner. It was pretty hellish, as I remember. The best part what that the instructor who taught many years of kids to dance was named "Bubba Gross." It doesn't really SOUND like a ballroom dancer name, does it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 (edited) Never heard of 5th/6th graders dancing... when I taught, it was the 8th graders who were only allowed to dance at our K-8 school. And yes, in my experience, the girls tended to be "boy crazy" -- but not ALL girls were like this. I usually had around 1-2 girls in each grade level (even Kindergarten) whom I had to keep an eye on or warn the recess proctors about their aggressive behavior towards getting a boyfriend or girls they felt threatened by as they were "prettier". Honestly, those poor girls had a home life that allowed inappropriate behaviors and movies/tv shows that really should not have been allowed. But that happens. You have to take a test to get a driver's license... but anyone can be a parent. Edited May 11, 2009 by tex-mex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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