Nestof3 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 and is 36 too young for such a thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy in SoCal Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Yes and No. :001_smile: Yes, they do. And no 36 is not too early. :001_smile: 38 was when it hit me. Are you doing okay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I am definitely having a mid-life crisis at 39. I hate being a cliche. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 36 is when mine hit. I read Finding Your Own North Star - Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live that summer. http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Your-Own-North-Star/dp/0812932188 :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I have no idea what is happening in your life, but I was getting very "down" and reacting abnormally to typical stress . I was reacting very strongly to everything and everyone. For a few days a month, I doubted everything in my life and wanted to run away and start over. I kept a diary of my feelings and found they coincided with PMS. Advice from women here really helped: - get a physical and a full hormonal screening (I was in range, but low in an essential hormone, upping it has helped) - get extra sunshine - take your supplements (fish oil, magnesium, calcium) - I bought some younger clothes and got a haircut that flattered me (I know you already look youthful! I looked like I escaped from an Amish commune). I've looked into post-homeschooling plans and I feel like I have some exciting opportunities coming up and that has energized me. hth K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 :grouphug: Yes, I think women can have a mid life crisis. It could be caused by hormones, or because you've entered a different "phase" of life (such as done having kids, or kids are grown, etc...) It could be caused by a lot of different things. :grouphug: again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I certainly do think things can happen around that point.... life changes, hormones start changing... you've had a decent stress load lately and that might be contributing too. :grouphug: I hope you can work thru it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Absolutely women have them. Men buy convertibles they're too fat to fit into and women buy fluffy little dogs because their babies aren't babies anymore. Men might age "better", but we age much more sensibly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Virginia Dawn Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I think anyone can experience a "life crisis" at any time, not just mid-life. A variety of factors come into play, other posters have mentioned some. For me, becoming enthusiastic about something outside myself - gardening - has really helped to center me. With my children growing older and starting to leave home, it gives me something to hyper focus on and baby along. It's also a great way to work out frustrations. There are so many directions you could take with a life crisis, some can destroy your life permanently, or change it beyond recognition. I wonder how many people get to the other side and are horrified at what they have done. This last summer my mother intimated that she regretted a decision she made 10 years ago, at a time when she was disillisioned with her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Yes, I think it can happen. I agree that a lot of different things can bring you to this point. I have felt "not myself" for a couple of years - two oldest boys grown, both getting engaged, second son joining the marine corp (huge), kids getting older, etc. One thing that helped me was to take a trip with just my dh, reconnecting, knowing our own relationship was strong and separate from the dc. I think a lot of this was also hormonal (I am 45), and am trying to take care of it from this angle with supplements, making sure I take care of myself, etc. One of the biggest things that helped was just knowing that this is a season, like others that have come and gone, and it will have an end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I'm 44, and in the past year I've bought a silly car AND adopted a fluffly dog. And now I'm thinking about losing weight and getting my hair colored. Sometimes, I feel like I'm one big, walking cliche. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janna Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I think anyone can experience a "life crisis" at any time, not just mid-life. A variety of factors come into play, other posters have mentioned some. For me, becoming enthusiastic about something outside myself - gardening - has really helped to center me. With my children growing older and starting to leave home, it gives me something to hyper focus on and baby along. It's also a great way to work out frustrations. There are so many directions you could take with a life crisis, some can destroy your life permanently, or change it beyond recognition. I wonder how many people get to the other side and are horrified at what they have done. This last summer my mother intimated that she regretted a decision she made 10 years ago, at a time when she was disillisioned with her life. I would agree with this. A person can have a life crisis at any age, and do things "cliche" to cope with it. A mid-life crisis is the same thing, except it revolves around the contemplation of your life at it's mid-way point and the anxiety of becoming "old". I think that there are so many things going on right now - personally for you, Nestof3, but also in a global sense, that millions of people are finding themselves thinking things or doing things that they otherwise wouldn't have done/thought. If you happen to be around middle age, it would be easy to think that's what it was. But unless you're consumed with anxiety about growing old and lamenting your younger years, this probably isn't a mid-life crisis in the cliched sense, kwim? I don't know. I think the term mid-life crisis is overused and a label to justify a person's way of coping with what VirginiaDawn said - a life crisis. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive as I'm thinking aloud, but it just seems that the "symptoms" of a "mid-life crisis" are the same as any other crisis, or at least have the potential to be the same, but just happen to be more common around middle age. This can easily be explained by the fact that at middle age, we're more experienced, have seen things (perhaps an ailing or dying parent, a grown child) and are more introspective. It is helpful to remember, Nestof3 (because I know you're a believer), to not be conformed to this world, but to work on the renewing of your mind. I am studying "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer right now - if you've never read it, it's got some really good thoughts that are very apropos for our current time. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 (edited) What exactly is a midlife crisis? It's when you start to realize you don't have THAT much time left and you think about how old your are getting and what you've done so far in your life and you start to feel like it's not enough and you didn't do that well and you really want to do better now, but you don't think you'll be able to because you've tried to change certain things so many times before but its never worked and you kinda feel trapped by the circumstances of your life as it is so you really can't make the changes that you think you want to make to make yourself feel more like a success and less like a failure and you wonder if you are ever going to feel like a success and you cry a lot and you start to hate things that you didn't hate before and you start to blame things and people for how your feeling when you know it really isn't their fault and you start to think about running away or making drastic changes but you know you won't because you love your family and would never hurt them but still, you cry a lot and wish things were different but you're not sure how to make them different and you have a hard time putting yourself first and doing stuff that seems "selfish" so you just keep plugging along and hoping that eventually these feelings go away or you go out and buy a silly car or a fluffy dog and get a new hair color or join a gym but it doesn't help much. :lol::lol::lol: Do you think I'm there??? ( age 45, in "crisis" for a couple of years now) Edited March 20, 2009 by katemary63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I had one when I was 39. I moved to the country, had another baby and completely changed the way that I live. I already had a fluffy dog that I treated like a baby. The poor thing had to make a big adjustment when the real baby was born. I feel much better now. For me, the suburban soccer mom lifestyle was empty and unsatisfying. I'm much happier now that and I'm learning new things and making plans for even more changes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 It's when you start to realize you don't have THAT much time left and you think about how old your are getting and what you've done so far in your life and you start to feel like it's not enough and you didn't do that well and you really want to do better now, but you don't think you'll be able to because you've tried to change certain things so many times before but its never worked and you kinda feel trapped by the circumstances of your life as it is so you really can't make the changes that you think you want to make to make yourself feel more like a success and less like a failure and you wonder if you are ever going to feel like a success and you cry a lot and you start to hate things that you didn't hate before and you start to blame things and people for how your feeling when you know it really isn't their fault and you start to think about running away or making drastic changes but you know you won't because you love your family and would never hurt them but still, you cry a lot and wish things were different but you're not sure how to make them different and you have a hard time putting yourself first and doing stuff that seems "selfish" so you just keep plugging along and hoping that eventually these feelings go away or you go out and buy a silly car or a fluffy dog and get a new hair color or join a gym but it doesn't help much. :lol::lol::lol: Do you think I'm there??? ( age 45, in "crisis" for a couple of years now) :smilielol5::smilielol5: Yup! You nailed it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 My midlife has been very cyclic. I definitely noticed changes around 35. Using natural progesterone cream helped. Then, I seemed to get "normal" again, and I no longer needed the cream. Then, I got pregnant at 41, and had a baby at 42. That seemed to throw me into another depressed time, but passed in short order. I was fine, I thought, but got really burned out last winter. Started re-evaluating EVERYTHING! I'm still in the midst of that. Trying to figure out what's really important, and what's really true. I feel like I'm in transition. I have no idea where I will end up. But, I believe I will have a much more sure idea of who I am and of my place in the world when I get there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAMom Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I am definitely having a mid-life crisis at 39. I hate being a cliche. :glare: Me too and I hate it, too! Funny, I've been experiencing it for the last several months but only in the past few weeks has it dawned on me that this is what it is. Sigh...I hope it's over soon! I'll be 40 in three months. I hope that's the magic number! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Yes, mine happened at 36. I'm thankful that I didn't do many of the things I contemplated, and now at 42, I'm (mostly) centered/grounded again. I did change things after 40...at 41, I finally started to lose the weight that I gained having 6 children (and not taking care of myself). Cardio and strength training are great things to take up for your mid-life crisis. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elbac Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 It's when you start to realize you don't have THAT much time left and you think about how old your are getting and what you've done so far in your life and you start to feel like it's not enough and you didn't do that well and you really want to do better now, but you don't think you'll be able to because you've tried to change certain things so many times before but its never worked and you kinda feel trapped by the circumstances of your life as it is so you really can't make the changes that you think you want to make to make yourself feel more like a success and less like a failure and you wonder if you are ever going to feel like a success and you cry a lot and you start to hate things that you didn't hate before and you start to blame things and people for how your feeling when you know it really isn't their fault and you start to think about running away or making drastic changes but you know you won't because you love your family and would never hurt them but still, you cry a lot and wish things were different but you're not sure how to make them different and you have a hard time putting yourself first and doing stuff that seems "selfish" so you just keep plugging along and hoping that eventually these feelings go away or you go out and buy a silly car or a fluffy dog and get a new hair color or join a gym but it doesn't help much. :lol::lol::lol: Do you think I'm there??? ( age 45, in "crisis" for a couple of years now) Sounds like me, and I'm 36, so... I guess 36 isn't too young. :tongue_smilie: I have however, not purchased any new fuzzy pets, (although I'm sure I'd be willing to collect another cat if dh wouldn't have my head). I also haven't purchased any new wheels - although I have recently begun to really miss a little sports car that I used to own.... :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 yes I think women have them. I have been for the past 3 years since I turned 30. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I had one when I was 39. I moved to the country, had another baby and completely changed the way that I live. I already had a fluffy dog that I treated like a baby. The poor thing had to make a big adjustment when the real baby was born. I feel much better now. For me, the suburban soccer mom lifestyle was empty and unsatisfying. I'm much happier now that and I'm learning new things and making plans for even more changes. I just had to let you know - that horse is gorgeous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Thanks. He is such a sweetie, but he is only 4 years old, so he has some teenage moments. I know I should have bought the kids an old broken down ancient pony instead, but I fell in love with Bolt. At any rate, my son is reinforcing Bolt's training, so I ought to have an AWESOME pony for my future grandchildren to ride. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in NC Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 It's when you start to realize you don't have THAT much time left and you think about how old your are getting and what you've done so far in your life and you start to feel like it's not enough and you didn't do that well and you really want to do better now, but you don't think you'll be able to because you've tried to change certain things so many times before but its never worked and you kinda feel trapped by the circumstances of your life as it is so you really can't make the changes that you think you want to make to make yourself feel more like a success and less like a failure and you wonder if you are ever going to feel like a success and you cry a lot and you start to hate things that you didn't hate before and you start to blame things and people for how your feeling when you know it really isn't their fault and you start to think about running away or making drastic changes but you know you won't because you love your family and would never hurt them but still, you cry a lot and wish things were different but you're not sure how to make them different and you have a hard time putting yourself first and doing stuff that seems "selfish" so you just keep plugging along and hoping that eventually these feelings go away or you go out and buy a silly car or a fluffy dog and get a new hair color or join a gym but it doesn't help much. :lol::lol::lol: Do you think I'm there??? ( age 45, in "crisis" for a couple of years now) You hit the nail on the head. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 What exactly is a midlife crisis? When you think too much about your past and "what if's" because your present isn't all that satisfying. I had a taste of it at 30 - and chose to go back to nursing school. Then at 35 - another taste of it - and I got pregnant. Now, almost 37, and not really sure what to do. I know that I need land and horses....space! But for now I think I will dye the grey in my hair and lose a few pounds. I'm starting to look my age and I hate it. I have always looked much younger. Midlife sucks! watch to the end....Amish midlife http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTo2L9A4ZfY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 No. I think people definitely faces crises, but they're not dictated by age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Sometimes a mid-life crisis can be the realization that you've put everyone else first and you've not asked or received that kind of support in return. For me, they almost always are a creative crisis. When I get buried under a pile of responsibilities, duties, and other worthwhile activities, but don't take time to 'create', I falter. I doubt. I get depressed and think drastic thoughts. In short, I'm BORED with myself. Some time with a serious artistic outlet like painting, quilting, gardening, writing, etc. helps me 'find' myself. A big adventure helps, too. Just after dh and I turned the big 4-0, we got a chance to move to Europe. Yippee! Just what we needed...new challenges. Perhaps, what we label a mid-life crisis is just the awkward feeling transition from one season of life to another. I also think as we get older we get more certain of our likes and dislikes...and less concerned about how others perceive us. Which is why if you see me at church with my hair dyed a rich purple, you'll understand if I don't care to much if others are shocked or scandalized. :D Not that I have any plans to dye my hair purple...yet...just sayin.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I am planning to have mine a little bit later on when we have more money. My husband got a motorcycle for his midlife crisis. I expect something just as snazzy for mine. Maybe a cruise? :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Otherwise I have no explanation for what is happening to me. :D I put it all down to the child I had in my twenties graduation from high school and leaving me for college and his own life. I have been his mother and he has influenced every decision I have made for the last 20 years. Now he is gone and I don't know if I want to :crying: or :party: I want to quit my job - I started working so that I could support him and moved from job to job up a well-defined career path with really no thought. Now, I don't actually need to work and have realized that where I am is not where I would have chosen to be, but if I quit then realize it was a mistake, I am not sure I could get back to here on the career ladder since the rules have changed in the last 20 years since I started. I am having trouble figuring out who I am and who I want to be. I accomplished the goals I set in my youth - somehow I had thought they would take me longer or maybe I didn't set the goals high enough. Did my reach exceed my grasp - or is it the other way around? See - midlife crises explains all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Sometimes a mid-life crisis can be the realization that you've put everyone else first and you've not asked or received that kind of support in return. For me, they almost always are a creative crisis. When I get buried under a pile of responsibilities, duties, and other worthwhile activities, but don't take time to 'create', I falter. I doubt. I get depressed and think drastic thoughts. In short, I'm BORED with myself. Some time with a serious artistic outlet like painting, quilting, gardening, writing, etc. helps me 'find' myself. A big adventure helps, too. Just after dh and I turned the big 4-0, we got a chance to move to Europe. Yippee! Just what we needed...new challenges. Perhaps, what we label a mid-life crisis is just the awkward feeling transition from one season of life to another. I also think as we get older we get more certain of our likes and dislikes...and less concerned about how others perceive us. Which is why if you see me at church with my hair dyed a rich purple, you'll understand if I don't care to much if others are shocked or scandalized. :D Not that I have any plans to dye my hair purple...yet...just sayin.... Oh this is good... and so true. I was just telling someone today that i'm jealous of their ability to just sit and edit a picture. I've neglected for the last year and longer my loves becaues the state of other things have zapped me 100%. I'm looking forward to gaining some me time here in the future. I need it badly. I do wish it could come with a slinky red convertible though :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Sometimes a mid-life crisis can be the realization that you've put everyone else first and you've not asked or received that kind of support in return. For me, they almost always are a creative crisis. When I get buried under a pile of responsibilities, duties, and other worthwhile activities, but don't take time to 'create', I falter. I doubt. I get depressed and think drastic thoughts. In short, I'm BORED with myself. Some time with a serious artistic outlet like painting, quilting, gardening, writing, etc. helps me 'find' myself. A big adventure helps, too. Just after dh and I turned the big 4-0, we got a chance to move to Europe. Yippee! Just what we needed...new challenges. Perhaps, what we label a mid-life crisis is just the awkward feeling transition from one season of life to another. I also think as we get older we get more certain of our likes and dislikes...and less concerned about how others perceive us. Which is why if you see me at church with my hair dyed a rich purple, you'll understand if I don't care to much if others are shocked or scandalized. :D Not that I have any plans to dye my hair purple...yet...just sayin.... This has been true for me as well. I think my current "crisis" has hit because I am finally discovering who I really, truly am... the result being that I don't seem to fit too well into any of the subcultures I find myself in. (Not a big deal, but I was raised to find a niche and grow there.) Fortunately for me, my dh is having the same realization and "crisis" period, so we've been able to work through it together. We haven't solved all of our feelings of alienation, but we are working on them and feel that we are better people and a better couple because of our co-journeys of self discovery and peace. (Of course, if you ask me about it tomorrow, I won't sound so okay with it... that's why it's called a "crisis" I guess. :001_smile: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 36 is when mine hit. I read Finding Your Own North Star - Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live that summer. http://www.amazon.com/Finding-Your-Own-North-Star/dp/0812932188 :001_smile: Did you have your crisis before or after reading the book. I'm ready to start my third round on that book, and don't want to set off anything volcanic. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Absolutely! And I'm there now....at 48 :huh:! What the heck happened, where did time go and what have I ever done? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I do and while 36 is young in my book, it isn't too young for anything.:grouphug: and is 36 too young for such a thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 :grouphug: Yes, I think women can have a mid life crisis. It could be caused by hormones, or because you've entered a different "phase" of life (such as done having kids, or kids are grown, etc...) It could be caused by a lot of different things. :grouphug: again. First child has left the nest & that has triggered lots of emotions. And of course there's the hormone thing that usually happens to women in their 40s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Yes. You and I know each other IRL and have had a chance to talk some about family, etc. I am also 36, and honestly, some days I wonder how hard would it be for me to get the kids and up and GO. I feel so tied to our life some days. I like to just travel when I want to. I can't do that with the kid's activities. Obviously DH would have to work to pay for my travels, lol. I don't want to leave him, but my point is some days I have all the details figured out to just pick up and go. But reality is, Dh isn't going to stay here working so I can be restless with the kiddos, lol. He would want to come! I also think as moms who homeschool that are home more and have less interaction than perhaps a full time working mother we get the 'boxed in' feeling more often. have a crisis and go shopping. If you need more "me" time, then find a way to get it. What will make the feeling go away? What would fulfill you? Talk to your dh and tell him how you feel. I opened up to my dh not too long ago. Told him some days I was miserable. He told me to figure out what I needed to not feel that way. And he would help me in any way he could. I am glad I was so open with him. Even though I risked him thinking my unhappiness some days was related to him. It isn't, but I knew he might take it that way. And together we figured out I need to get away from my life here and travel. I am taking a week long trip with the kiddos in April. He's ok with that. We have a family trip in May. And we plan to camp more this summer than we have been. I like to get up and go on impulse. I can't in my life right now, but we are trying to give me that outlet. If you ever want to get out one night and meet up for coffee let me know :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Yes, I think it can happen. I agree that a lot of different things can bring you to this point. I have felt "not myself" for a couple of years - two oldest boys grown, both getting engaged, second son joining the marine corp (huge), kids getting older, etc. One thing that helped me was to take a trip with just my dh, reconnecting, knowing our own relationship was strong and separate from the dc. I think a lot of this was also hormonal (I am 45), and am trying to take care of it from this angle with supplements, making sure I take care of myself, etc. One of the biggest things that helped was just knowing that this is a season, like others that have come and gone, and it will have an end. Thanks for saying this (the words I highlighted in red, above). Sometimes I get so caught up in what's going on in this (hormonal, emptying-nest) "season" that I forget that "this too shall pass", as my mom always says. I needed to be reminded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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