Could you live like this scenario

[KSera]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I’ve said that and he didn’t like the idea. I suspect because he knows it will take forever 

I finally looked up poplar floors to see what we’re really talking about, and they’re actually pretty. Doing them the way you’re saying, rather than a prefinished product sounds very time intensive though. I expect they could turn out nice, but only if they were finished, not as bare wood. Bare wood would be a nightmare to clean with kids and animals. That would be a deal breaker for me and as above, I would not move until the floors were in. They’ll never get done until your kids are grown and your dh retires otherwise. 
 

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I’ve said that and he didn’t like the idea. I suspect because he knows it will take forever 

So....perhaps he'll come down off his high horse and reevaluate the flooring issue when the house has sat empty for months, then a year, or more. Eventually, he may decide that buying some less expensive LVP and putting it down quickly is a better idea than his ideal of fulfilling his mom and dad's vision for this house.

My dh sometimes has to sit with the reality of something for awhile. 

[wintermom]

43 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

I don’t understand the obsession about the cars in this thread. Let it go, people. Focus on what the OP asked—the condition of the HOUSE.

The OP brought up the three cars they owned to illustrate something (I forget what). We are all going off on various tangents in this thread. Some are talking about the state of the OP's marriage, etc., etc. To single out one 'bunny trail' as not being acceptable is unfair. I'd personally be more upset about the things PPs have been saying about the marraige. 😌 We are all trying to help out with this complex issue.

[kbutton]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

My husband WON’T hire out

Are you willing to miss out on a house you otherwise want (land, space, etc.) over floors? I feel like you wouldn’t from this thread, and if we know that, your DH knows that.

Maybe you need to work backwards on this problem. Think a few years into the future with no floors or floors you hate, older kids who are more independent (more time on your hands to think and evaluate life), and some other decision pending that “shouldn’t” be a dealbreaker but somehow is.

How will you feel about yourself if you move in with it not done and done with good materials (as in, if you give in)?

How will you feel if giving in makes the next make it or break it thing something else you have to give in about?

How will you feel about your DH if he lets you be so unhappy AND inconvenienced? 

How will you feel about your DH in the long run if you never establish some level of sanity over his lack of reason (and if this were only about money, he would compromise with LVP or something!!!), and he expects you to capitulate again.

Also, has it occurred to him that you are there 24/7, and he spends more time asleep in that house than awake given his hours and commute?

 

[kbutton]

18 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

So....perhaps he'll come down off his high horse and reevaluate the flooring issue when the house has sat empty for months, then a year, or more. Eventually, he may decide that buying some less expensive LVP and putting it down quickly is a better idea than his ideal of fulfilling his mom and dad's vision for this house.

My dh sometimes has to sit with the reality of something for awhile. 

I feel like they should also consider listing the dang thing so that her DH can find out firsthand that no one will want what he is offering if it’s put on the market.

24 minutes ago, KSera said:

I finally looked up poplar floors to see what we’re really talking about, and they’re actually pretty. Doing them the way you’re saying, rather than a prefinished product sounds very time intensive though. I expect they could turn out nice, but only if they were finished, not as bare wood. Bare wood would be a nightmare to clean with kids and animals. That would be a deal breaker for me and as above, I would not move until the floors were in. They’ll never get done until your kids are grown and your dh retires otherwise. 
 

She said part of it is done the way he wants to do it, and it’s not pretty as well as problematic (lots of cracks for crud maybe?).

I’m also wondering if anyone has looked at higher tier LVP. We’ve had ours since 2017 or 2018, and it still looks brand new, but we bought commercial grade. Lots of people think it’s hardwood until they walk on it ( it sounds different than hardwood). We bought it at a flooring store that can’t remotely keep up with the business that comes their way, so they do a ton of cash and carry.

 

[fairfarmhand]

Wait a minute. Did you say it wasn't planed? Is this like rough cut barn wood? Holy smokes. That stuff takes so much work to finish. We have worked with it some. It takes forever to get it in a usable condition. Like each board can take up to an hour to plane down. Then, you would have to make sure that each board was the same thickness. Please say it isn't so.

[kbutton]

2 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Wait a minute. Did you say it wasn't planed? Is this like rough cut barn wood? Holy smokes. That stuff takes so much work to finish. We have worked with it some. It takes forever to get it in a usable condition. Like each board can take up to an hour to plane down. Then, you would have to make sure that each board was the same thickness. Please say it isn't so.

She has definitely mentioned that it needs to be planed. 

[Ottakee]

Compromise?   Windows in bedrooms and then LVP flooring in all but one room he want to focus on and then he can do that room and move in to the next room but in the meantime you have windows and flooring in the rest of the house.

Even sheet vinyl for kitchen/dining/bath would be cheaper but look decent.

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

She has definitely mentioned that it needs to be planed. 

Yeah, but there's a difference between construction grade boards and rough cut barn wood. You can get the rough cut barn wood pretty dang cheap but it would take TONS of work to get it in usable condition for flooring. Like a board from Home Depot would take a couple of passes through a planer. But rough cut barn wood would take an hour or so per board. At least that's been our experience here.

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

You don't know what the vehicle costs are though.  (Or was that detailed earlier in the thread?  Sorry, I can't go back and read 4 pages of posts right now.)

Where I live, liability insurance isn't really on the car, it's on the driver.  It doesn't matter how many cars you have.  Collision insurance is optional and many people opt out for older cars.  The cost of maintenance depends on many factors, including whether or not a family member is able to do much of it.  Gas mileage cost for this family is apparently much less with the low-MPG car, while ability to be consistent at work 100 miles away justifies the truck.  It makes sense to me.  In my personal living situation, it might not make sense, but I only have enough info for my own decisions.

Everyone else can ignore this as it's unofficially an off-limits topic,

It doesn't matter where you live, owning a vehicle costs money - the amount varies. First to purchase, buy a liscense plate, pay for ongoing insurance (unless it's a lawn ornament - but even then you need to remove the wheels), pay for oil changes, pay for maintenance, pay for gas, have/pay for parking, pay for tires (in certain climates), pay for any repairs/damages while driving, and the list goes on.  One way to avoid these costs and freeing up money is by selling a vehicle. 

Of course, everyone's situation is different in whether owning a vehicle makes sense. It's been established that the OP currently needs their vehicles. I'm not arguing this point.

[kbutton]

15 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Yeah, but there's a difference between construction grade boards and rough cut barn wood. You can get the rough cut barn wood pretty dang cheap but it would take TONS of work to get it in usable condition for flooring. Like a board from Home Depot would take a couple of passes through a planer. But rough cut barn wood would take an hour or so per board. At least that's been our experience here.

I kind of assumed it was rough all along. 

[SKL]

4 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Everyone else can ignore this as it's unofficially an off-limits topic,

It doesn't matter where you live, owning a vehicle costs money - the amount varies. First to purchase, buy a liscense plate, pay for ongoing insurance (unless it's a lawn ornament - but even then you need to remove the wheels), pay for oil changes, pay for maintenance, pay for gas, have/pay for parking, pay for tires (in certain climates), pay for any repairs/damages while driving, and the list goes on.  One way to avoid these costs and freeing up money is by selling a vehicle. 

Of course, everyone's situation is different in whether owning a vehicle makes sense. It's been established that the OP currently needs their vehicles. I'm not arguing this point.

Off topic - scroll on by if you aren't Wintermom.

I'm fully aware that owning a vehicle costs money.  I've been a continuous vehicle owner for 35 years / driver for 41 years.  However, some of those costs are either fully or partially attached to miles driven, which does not vary by number of cars owned.  Most people in the US don't have to pay a different amount to park 3 vs. 2 vehicles at home.  Many people do their own oil changes, which costs very little.  Depending on the state, the license plate fee may be paid up for many years already.  Insurance is not required other than for liability, which also varies based on driver / miles driven, not # of cars.  (It's common here for people to cancel the collision & comprehensive parts of the insurance at some point, where they decide it makes more financial sense to pay less insurance and accept the risk of potential replacement cost.)

FTR I have one 10-year-old hybrid sedan for 3.5 drivers (my 3 + a friend who borrows at times).  My future plans include selling the current car to 2 of the users, and going in halfers with my friend on a new fuel-efficient small car.  However, I have relatives with 1-2 drivers and 2 cars.  My next-door neighbor has 5 vehicles for 5 drivers.  They have their reasons.

[Lucy the Valiant]

44 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Everyone else can ignore this as it's unofficially an off-limits topic,

It doesn't matter where you live, owning a vehicle costs money - the amount varies. First to purchase, buy a liscense plate, pay for ongoing insurance (unless it's a lawn ornament - but even then you need to remove the wheels), pay for oil changes, pay for maintenance, pay for gas, have/pay for parking, pay for tires (in certain climates), pay for any repairs/damages while driving, and the list goes on.  One way to avoid these costs and freeing up money is by selling a vehicle. 

Of course, everyone's situation is different in whether owning a vehicle makes sense. It's been established that the OP currently needs their vehicles. I'm not arguing this point.

The reverse is also true in my area - owning 3 vehicles in the constellation listed here SAVES money, a lot of money, for us. It allows us to use LESS gas, and  change oil & perform routine maintenance LESS frequently. 

[BusyMom5]

I was thinking laminate is easy enough.  Now that you say planing it himself- just no.  My parents are great DIYers, but they jump on and finish a job quickly.  They love DIY. My DH- no.  He will do very basic things but gets stressed out.

If I were you, I would take all the measurements and start looking for laminate or other flooring (like you may want carpet for bedrooms).  Get what you want figured out.   Go around and price it out.  There is no rule to say he can't have his poplar floors one room at a time, in the future, as his time allows.  Bring it to him already figured out- I picked out XXX flooring and it will cost $10,000 if we install ourselves, should take 3 weekends.  If we get it installed $15,000 and they can get it installed by August 23rd.  We can pay with XXXX (savings, loan, selling something).  You may want to give him a few different acceptable options in price.  Explain this is temporary!  He can do the poplar floors as soon as he has time!

As for the windows- why don't they open?  I have scene picture windows thar aren't made to open in living rooms.  Are they painted shut?  Replacing windows is a huge, $$ job.  I wouldn't put it on my absolutely no list.  I only open windows a little in spring and fall.  

As for cars, I totally get your situation and ours is similar!  Living rural just requires different vehicles.

[Catwoman]

While we're talking about the floors, I just have a quick question for @Elizabeth86. Is this house a classic old home? If it is, I really hope you will consider real hardwoods instead of LVP or laminate. The real hardwoods will add a lot of resale value to your home, but if eventual potential buyers are looking for a classic home to purchase, they may not even get past the first few photos in your listing before they see the LVP or laminate and immediately move on to the next listing.

I wouldn't buy a house with vinyl or laminate flooring, and I know I'm not alone in that. Maybe your market is totally different, but I just wanted to mention it in case my concerns might apply here. If you get hardwoods, even if they get scuffed and scratched over time, you can always refinish them in the future. Other types of flooring would have to be replaced if they got a little beat-up looking, and in the end, you might end up spending a lot more in total than you would have if you'd just gotten the hardwoods to begin with.

 

[prairiewindmomma]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

I feel like they should also consider listing the dang thing so that her DH can find out firsthand that no one will want what he is offering if it’s put on the market.

 

Maybe not this. 100 acre parcels are hard to find. People will totally buy them and either let the house rot or tear out and start anew. This is true is my area (where this would be a $$,$$$,$$$ sale) and in the rural Midwest middle of nowhere all farmland where my parents live (and it would be a $$$,$$$ to $,$$$,$$$ sale).

[Elizabeth86]

2 hours ago, wintermom said:

The OP brought up the three cars they owned to illustrate something (I forget what). We are all going off on various tangents in this thread. Some are talking about the state of the OP's marriage, etc., etc. To single out one 'bunny trail' as not being acceptable is unfair. I'd personally be more upset about the things PPs have been saying about the marraige. 😌 We are all trying to help out with this complex issue.

To point out that everything we have is frugal and everything paid for except our very modest mortgage.

[Elizabeth86]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

Are you willing to miss out on a house you otherwise want (land, space, etc.) over floors? I feel like you wouldn’t from this thread, and if we know that, your DH knows that.

Maybe you need to work backwards on this problem. Think a few years into the future with no floors or floors you hate, older kids who are more independent (more time on your hands to think and evaluate life), and some other decision pending that “shouldn’t” be a dealbreaker but somehow is.

How will you feel about yourself if you move in with it not done and done with good materials (as in, if you give in)?

How will you feel if giving in makes the next make it or break it thing something else you have to give in about?

How will you feel about your DH if he lets you be so unhappy AND inconvenienced? 

How will you feel about your DH in the long run if you never establish some level of sanity over his lack of reason (and if this were only about money, he would compromise with LVP or something!!!), and he expects you to capitulate again.

Also, has it occurred to him that you are there 24/7, and he spends more time asleep in that house than awake given his hours and commute?

 

All good questions to ask myself. I imagine it will be some many years before my kids are old and independent. The baby is 16 months and we aren’t saying done yet. 

[kbutton]

Just now, Elizabeth86 said:

All good questions to ask myself. I imagine it will be some many years before my kids are old and independent. The baby is 16 months and we aren’t saying done yet. 

Well, the point about kids is that they are distraction from how you might really feel now but don’t have time to acknowledge, not about the timeline of when that actually kicks in. I would think that letting it fester linger might make for a worse payday.

I am speaking out of experience on this kind of stuff (letting one person reap the consequences of another’s rigidity), though not about household repairs in my case.

[Elizabeth86]

2 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

Wait a minute. Did you say it wasn't planed? Is this like rough cut barn wood? Holy smokes. That stuff takes so much work to finish. We have worked with it some. It takes forever to get it in a usable condition. Like each board can take up to an hour to plane down. Then, you would have to make sure that each board was the same thickness. Please say it isn't so.

Right. I was there when fil was planing it down. Im almost certain he didn’t plane it all first. Just the amount he needed for the rooms he did.

[BusyMom5]

Also, when we built we had lots of little kids and we did choose some floors with the intent of replacing when they are grown.  I love hardwood, but not in kids bedrooms or where kids play in the floor a lot.  We also chose laminate for the kitchen because Iwas afraid of water damage or kids dropping things and putting the floor.  I have an aunt who put hardwood in her kitchen and it was just destroyed.  He may look better on this option if you give a different reason,  like kids destroying all his hard work ;)

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, Lucy the Valiant said:

The reverse is also true in my area - owning 3 vehicles in the constellation listed here SAVES money, a lot of money, for us. It allows us to use LESS gas, and  change oil & perform routine maintenance LESS frequently. 

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Off topic - scroll on by if you aren't Wintermom.

I'm fully aware that owning a vehicle costs money.  I've been a continuous vehicle owner for 35 years / driver for 41 years.  However, some of those costs are either fully or partially attached to miles driven, which does not vary by number of cars owned.  Most people in the US don't have to pay a different amount to park 3 vs. 2 vehicles at home.  Many people do their own oil changes, which costs very little.  Depending on the state, the license plate fee may be paid up for many years already.  Insurance is not required other than for liability, which also varies based on driver / miles driven, not # of cars.  (It's common here for people to cancel the collision & comprehensive parts of the insurance at some point, where they decide it makes more financial sense to pay less insurance and accept the risk of potential replacement cost.)

FTR I have one 10-year-old hybrid sedan for 3.5 drivers (my 3 + a friend who borrows at times).  My future plans include selling the current car to 2 of the users, and going in halfers with my friend on a new fuel-efficient small car.  However, I have relatives with 1-2 drivers and 2 cars.  My next-door neighbor has 5 vehicles for 5 drivers.  They have their reasons.

It may save some money in that if you drive the same amount but share the driving between the vehicles (and your insurance/parking/etc. is zero for additional cars). It's probably more likely that you drive more, though, because you CAN. You don't have to wait until a vehicle is available in order to drive it. You also don't have to find alternative transportation, such as cycling, car pooling, public transport. 

BTW, parking is definitely NOT free for everyone. If you live in an apartment, condo, home with no driveway, there are often parking fees per vehicle. Parking at workplaces can also be very expensive. 

 

[fairfarmhand]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

Are you willing to miss out on a house you otherwise want (land, space, etc.) over floors? I feel like you wouldn’t from this thread, and if we know that, your DH knows that.

Maybe you need to work backwards on this problem. Think a few years into the future with no floors or floors you hate, older kids who are more independent (more time on your hands to think and evaluate life), and some other decision pending that “shouldn’t” be a dealbreaker but somehow is.

How will you feel about yourself if you move in with it not done and done with good materials (as in, if you give in)?

How will you feel if giving in makes the next make it or break it thing something else you have to give in about?

How will you feel about your DH if he lets you be so unhappy AND inconvenienced? 

How will you feel about your DH in the long run if you never establish some level of sanity over his lack of reason (and if this were only about money, he would compromise with LVP or something!!!), and he expects you to capitulate again.

Also, has it occurred to him that you are there 24/7, and he spends more time asleep in that house than awake given his hours and commute?

 

There’s a podcaster I Listen to who says always choose guilt over resentment. We can deal with guilty feelings but resentment kills love and relationships.

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, BusyMom5 said:

I was thinking laminate is easy enough.  Now that you say planing it himself- just no.  My parents are great DIYers, but they jump on and finish a job quickly.  They love DIY. My DH- no.  He will do very basic things but gets stressed out.

If I were you, I would take all the measurements and start looking for laminate or other flooring (like you may want carpet for bedrooms).  Get what you want figured out.   Go around and price it out.  There is no rule to say he can't have his poplar floors one room at a time, in the future, as his time allows.  Bring it to him already figured out- I picked out XXX flooring and it will cost $10,000 if we install ourselves, should take 3 weekends.  If we get it installed $15,000 and they can get it installed by August 23rd.  We can pay with XXXX (savings, loan, selling something).  You may want to give him a few different acceptable options in price.  Explain this is temporary!  He can do the poplar floors as soon as he has time!

As for the windows- why don't they open?  I have scene picture windows thar aren't made to open in living rooms.  Are they painted shut?  Replacing windows is a huge, $$ job.  I wouldn't put it on my absolutely no list.  I only open windows a little in spring and fall.  

As for cars, I totally get your situation and ours is similar!  Living rural just requires different vehicles.

I. I can’t remember why they don’t open but I will find out. It’s been decades almost. Fil bought them used and I remember him saying they don’t open.

[wintermom]

Just now, Elizabeth86 said:

I. I can’t remember why they don’t open but I will find out. It’s been decades almost. Fil bought them used and I remember him saying they don’t open.

He bought windows that didn't open and had these installed. That is wild, man! 

[Elizabeth86]

56 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

While we're talking about the floors, I just have a quick question for @Elizabeth86. Is this house a classic old home? If it is, I really hope you will consider real hardwoods instead of LVP or laminate. The real hardwoods will add a lot of resale value to your home, but if eventual potential buyers are looking for a classic home to purchase, they may not even get past the first few photos in your listing before they see the LVP or laminate and immediately move on to the next listing.

I wouldn't buy a house with vinyl or laminate flooring, and I know I'm not alone in that. Maybe your market is totally different, but I just wanted to mention it in case my concerns might apply here. If you get hardwoods, even if they get scuffed and scratched over time, you can always refinish them in the future. Other types of flooring would have to be replaced if they got a little beat-up looking, and in the end, you might end up spending a lot more in total than you would have if you'd just gotten the hardwoods to begin with.

 

No it isn’t. Fun fact. It used to be the barn. Built in the 90’s. Turned into a house in 2005-7 or something.

[prairiewindmomma]

My parents built our/their house before their current one. Buying scrap windows isnt unusual—it sounds like this was a DIY house conversion with choices made around finances.

But, as OP has stated, this would be her house too. She should have a say into functionality and aesthetics, especially where she states there are easily funds available to accommodate her preferences.

[Elizabeth86]

Just now, prairiewindmomma said:

My parents built our/their house before their current one. Buying scrap windows isnt unusual—it sounds like this was a DIY house conversion with choices made around finances.

But, as OP has stated, this would be her house too. She should have a say into functionality and aesthetics, especially where she states there are easily funds available to accommodate her preferences.

I mean we aren’t rich by any stretch, but our we get lots back on our taxes due to the kids which would cover a lot of it.

[prairiewindmomma]

4 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I mean we aren’t rich by any stretch, but our we get lots back on our taxes due to the kids which would cover a lot of it.

Remind me, your oldest kids arent teens yet, are they? You can kinda skim by on very basics if you get lucky with healthy kids until the high school years and then things change dramatically. I mention this because we’ve paid for 6 pairs of braces, 3 wisdom teeth removals (and one to go)  in the last seven years, plus dual enrollment cc, and a bunch of other stuff. It’s a financial hemmorhage when you have back to back kids…and for us it hits around age 13-14 (earlier with a couple).

Edited July 17 by prairiewindmomma

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Remind me, your oldest kids arent teens yet, are they? You can kinda skim by on very basics if you get lucky with healthy kids until the high school years and then things change dramatically. I mention this because we’ve paid for 6 pairs of braces, 3 wisdom teeth removals (and one to go)  in the last seven years, plus dual enrollment cc, and a bunch of other stuff. It’s a financial hemmorhage when you have back to back kids…and for us it hits around age 13-14 (earlier with a couple).

Yeah my oldest is 12

[SKL]

46 minutes ago, wintermom said:

It may save some money in that if you drive the same amount but share the driving between the vehicles (and your insurance/parking/etc. is zero for additional cars). It's probably more likely that you drive more, though, because you CAN. You don't have to wait until a vehicle is available in order to drive it. You also don't have to find alternative transportation, such as cycling, car pooling, public transport. 

BTW, parking is definitely NOT free for everyone. If you live in an apartment, condo, home with no driveway, there are often parking fees per vehicle. Parking at workplaces can also be very expensive. 

 

Rural residents have completely different considerations.

Not sure how many years you’ve been a rural US resident but I don’t think most of us are particularly ignorant about relevant transportation options.

[catz]

49 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

financial hemmorhage when you have back to back kids…and for us it hits around age 13-14 (earlier with a couple).

This has been true at our house and that's without talking about the college/launching years.  Yikes.  

[Elizabeth86]

4 minutes ago, catz said:

This has been true at our house and that's without talking about the college/launching years.  Yikes.  

Nm I’m trying to stay on topic

Edited July 17 by Elizabeth86

[fairfarmhand]

55 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Remind me, your oldest kids arent teens yet, are they? You can kinda skim by on very basics if you get lucky with healthy kids until the high school years and then things change dramatically. I mention this because we’ve paid for 6 pairs of braces, 3 wisdom teeth removals (and one to go)  in the last seven years, plus dual enrollment cc, and a bunch of other stuff. It’s a financial hemmorhage when you have back to back kids…and for us it hits around age 13-14 (earlier with a couple).

 

54 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yeah my oldest is 12

All the more reason to do any home repairs now. Because there is always someplace for the money to go with teens.

[prairiewindmomma]

13 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

 

All the more reason to do any home repairs now. Because there is always someplace for the money to go with teens.

This was my point.  Get whatever you want to do locked in now because thinking funds will be freer in the future may not be reality.

[BusyMom5]

1 hour ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Remind me, your oldest kids arent teens yet, are they? You can kinda skim by on very basics if you get lucky with healthy kids until the high school years and then things change dramatically. I mention this because we’ve paid for 6 pairs of braces, 3 wisdom teeth removals (and one to go)  in the last seven years, plus dual enrollment cc, and a bunch of other stuff. It’s a financial hemmorhage when you have back to back kids…and for us it hits around age 13-14 (earlier with a couple).

This cannot be overstated!  And add car insurance because it's ridiculous,  but often living rural means kids need to drive themselves.  We had 5 kids in 8 years- now ages 13-21, the teen years are crazy $$!  DH and I tell ourselves we will soon ne rich, once they start paying for everything themselves ;)  Until then, the next few years are on a budget.  I have 2-3 in college for like the next 6+ years.  

I don't know if you've said, but will moving create income by renting out your current house?  

[Corraleno]

On 7/15/2024 at 1:23 PM, Elizabeth86 said:

The plan for the floors that his parents decided was kind of a rustic design. It is basically just wood boards of poplar. ... It doesn’t wear well. So that was when his dad was  around. I want store bought hard wood. He says that is too expensive. I said I’d settle for laminate. He doesn’t like it. He wants the original plan. I do not.  

Your DH may want the floors the way his dad originally planned them, but his dad is not the one who has to live with them — you are. They're not his dad's floors anymore, they're your floors, so whatever his dad originally planned is totally irrelevant, and what may have been acceptable for an older couple is just totally impractical for a family with 5 young kids. And even if the flooring he wanted was safe and hygienic (which his planned floors are not), you have a right to have what you want in your house, too! You and your kids are going to be spending far more time on those floors that he will, and I presume you're the one who'll be cleaning them every day (along with pulling the splinters out of your kids' hands and feet). Imagine trying to clean kid-puke out of plywood floors!

I would absolutely put my foot down about this and insist on getting the floors you want, and getting them installed before you move, even if that means paying someone to install laminate or LVP. Tell him if he wants to eventually replace those materials with poplar, he can do that one room at a time when he has the time and energy, but at least in the meantime you'll have floors that are safe and hygienic. (Of course, you know that means the replacement will never happen, but it sounds like a reasonable compromise, and means he doesn't have to give up his plans to have a rustic poplar floor.)

I agree with others that the windows are a safety issue, but if the only way I could get the floors I wanted was by agreeing to do the windows later, I would consider that. Replacing a window (or fixing it so it opens) is something that could be done in a weekend, so it seems more likely to actually get done, versus moving into a house with plywood subfloors and then being stuck with that for years. But I'd also ask for a firm commitment on the windows, like replacing one per month, starting in the bedrooms.

Edited July 17 by Corraleno

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, BusyMom5 said:

This cannot be overstated!  And add car insurance because it's ridiculous,  but often living rural means kids need to drive themselves.  We had 5 kids in 8 years- now ages 13-21, the teen years are crazy $$!  DH and I tell ourselves we will soon ne rich, once they start paying for everything themselves 😉 Until then, the next few years are on a budget.  I have 2-3 in college for like the next 6+ years.  

I don't know if you've said, but will moving create income by renting out your current house?  

I will NOT rent. We currently own a rental and we don’t want to do that anymore. Even though our current renter is great, we have had miserable ones in the past and we want to get away from rentals.

Edited July 18 by Elizabeth86

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I will NOT rent. We currently own a rental and we don’t want to do that anymore. 

I’m assuming you have equity in both your home and your rental. Sell the rental, convince your dh to use some of that equity to fix up the house and then sell your current home. 

[fairfarmhand]

Have you ever seen the Andy Griffith show where their freezer breaks and Andy spends the whole show trying to convince aunt bee to “call the man”? my dh was such a tightwad about repairs and all for many years. Then he got busy/tired/old enough that he started calling the man about some stuff. Once he started it was so restful to just have it done, he’s gotten so much better about calling for certain repairs. So op, there is hope. Our biggest challenge is finding the right people who we can trust to do a good job.

Edited July 17 by fairfarmhand

[BusyMom5]

Am I the only one picturing the floor with 5 littles: spilled juice or milk, spaghetti, soup, 💩,  big gouges from toys scraped across the floor.....  I have hardwood in one living room and even being very careful there are scratches from furniture, a few shoes, a Landry basket they pulled each other in- I stopped and moved them to carpet, dropped things that made a nick.  Your DH just isn't living in reality!  

[Corraleno]

13 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said:

Am I the only one picturing the floor with 5 littles: spilled juice or milk, spaghetti, soup, 💩,  big gouges from toys scraped across the floor.....  

I'm imagining the state of a plywood floor after a bad stomach virus goes through 5 kids... 

[prairiewindmomma]

Our hardwoods have held up better than laminate and engineered wood. Kids are just rough on houses, period. 

[Ausmumof3]

20 minutes ago, Corraleno said:

I'm imagining the state of a plywood floor after a bad stomach virus goes through 5 kids... 

maybe op needs to do some AI image prompts with these ideas and show her DH 🤣

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

Have you ever seen the Andy Griffith show where their freezer breaks and Andy spends the whole show trying to convince aunt bee to “call the man”? my dh was such a tightwad about repairs and all for many years. Then he got busy/tired/old enough that he started calling the man about some stuff. Once he started it was so restful to just have it done, he’s gotten so much better about calling for certain repairs. So op, there is hope. Our biggest challenge is finding the right people who we can trust to do a good job.

No I’ll have to watch it. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

I’m assuming you have equity in both your home and your rental. Sell the rental, convince your dh to use some of that equity to fix up the house and then sell your current home. 

Well… our rental is paid for, but the situation is that we can’t sell it right now. We bought it the year I was pregnant with my first. The elderly lady that rented it only moved because her old landlord sold the house. She asked my husband to let her die there. She has never been late on a single payment and has been a dream tenant. She’s mid to late 80’s and has had cancer and we plan to let her live out her life there like we promised her. So, we will sell it when she can’t live there anymore, but that’s it. lol 

[Ottakee]

6 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Well… our rental is paid for, but the situation is that we can’t sell it right now. We bought it the year I was pregnant with my first. The elderly lady that rented it only moved because her old landlord sold the house. She asked my husband to let her die there. She has never been late on a single payment and has been a dream tenant. She’s mid to late 80’s and has had cancer and we plan to let her live out her life there like we promised her. So, we will sell it when she can’t live there anymore, but that’s it. lol 

That is incredibly kind of you.  I am sure that means a great deal to her and her family.

[GoVanGogh]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

Have you ever seen the Andy Griffith show where their freezer breaks and Andy spends the whole show trying to convince aunt bee to “call the man”? my dh was such a tightwad about repairs and all for many years. Then he got busy/tired/old enough that he started calling the man about some stuff. Once he started it was so restful to just have it done, he’s gotten so much better about calling for certain repairs. So op, there is hope. Our biggest challenge is finding the right people who we can trust to do a good job.

I have not seen that show/episode, but it reminded me of something I have finally realized about my DH. His parents built their own home when DH was a kid. DH is not a handyman. He was raised by DIY parents but not taught the skills and he lacks confidence to tackle projects. We had something around the house that needed fixed for over five years. It had become a major issue in our marriage that it was beyond needing repaired and was dangerous for me to navigate due to my health. One Friday I casually said at supper, “Oh, I have a handyman coming on Tuesday to give me an estimate to repair x.” DH took Monday off work to repair the issue. It was such a lightbulb moment for me. DH hates doing household repairs, but he hates spending money even more. I can leverage that. I do hope he gets better at hiring things done as our house is in major need of some TLC but until then I will use my new super power to my advantage. 

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Well… our rental is paid for, but the situation is that we can’t sell it right now. We bought it the year I was pregnant with my first. The elderly lady that rented it only moved because her old landlord sold the house. She asked my husband to let her die there. She has never been late on a single payment and has been a dream tenant. She’s mid to late 80’s and has had cancer and we plan to let her live out her life there like we promised her. So, we will sell it when she can’t live there anymore, but that’s it. lol 

That’s really nice.  It’s your house, but it’s her home.  Good for you!

[wintermom]

5 hours ago, SKL said:

Rural residents have completely different considerations.

Not sure how many years you’ve been a rural US resident but I don’t think most of us are particularly ignorant about relevant transportation options.

What kind of unique considerations do you have in the US that are different than living rural anywhere else in the world? I'm understanding that many thing are far cheaper regarding owning and operating vehicles. Are there other hardships that make it a requirement to own many vehicles?

I've never lived in rural US, but I have lived in rural Canada and Norway, and have many relatives living rurally in both those countries. In Norway, the roads in the winter are unbelieveably challenging to drive on, and yet very few people drive pick-up trucks (as in none that I saw). Far too expensive and unnecessary. Put good winter tires on (studded is what they need on the ice and snow).

In Canada there are many more rural people driving trucks, but also many driving smaller vehicles. Our gas, insurance, etc. is much more expensive than what people in this thread are describing for the US. Our vehicles are more expensive to purchase (tax is high), and the weather conditions in most of Canada are very hard on vehicles forcing us to have to replace them more often.