Indigo Blue Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 (edited) Thanks. I feel better now, and if I need to address this, I will feel a bit more grounded and confident. Edited February 20 by Indigo Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 It’s preposterous to say that simply noticing a person’s beauty is inappropriate. Actions based on that could be either appropriate or inappropriate, depending on a multitude of factors, but just noticing beauty is utterly normal and unremarkable. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knitgrl Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 It is totally crazy for this person to go on about this. It is not unlike noticing the striking sunset or other some other natural beauty. There is an Indian grocery I go to about twice a year. I always secretly hope I am cashed out by one of the handsome young men that work there. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanin Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 Wow! Totally normal. The other person, on the other hand... wow. They must be upset about everything all the time, if that's all it takes to get them riled up! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiddleCourt Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 It is not weird to notice beauty in the world, including people. It’s weirder not to notice. I also wouldn’t find it creepy, strange, or leacherous if a man had noticed a woman’s beauty. You are normal. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 I don't at all think it's creepy or perverse for humans (at any age) to be able to notice when someone is young, attractive, and hitting all of our culture's beauty standards in an exemplary way. It's creepy and perverse if that awareness were to thereafter cause a person to want/wish/imagine having sexual contact with that person. That's not at all what you felt, and not at all what you meant. It *is* what some people feel when they see an attractive young adult, and it *is* what some people mean to imply when they mention it. It's not universally true that "men mean it sexually" and "women mean it aesthetically". So, I guess it's not a big offense that your co-shopper thought that maybe you meant it sexually... at first. But when they stopped acting like a friend is the moment where you clarified your own meaning, and they didn't believe you. They treated you like a liar, then attacked you for thoughts and feelings that didn't exist. That's not the behaviour of a friend. However, both men and women who notice an attractive young adult... might want to keep that thought to themselves, or carefully choose their audience for remarks of that type. They can be taken the wrong way. If your co-shopper had simply told you: "It can *sound* creepy to talk like that, regardless of what you mean. I do know, now, that you didn't mean it that way, but also, I don't think you should say it." -- that would have been within the bounds of friendship. It would have helped you pick your audience and made you aware that not everyone makes their thoughts known on the topic of attractive young adults nearby. (It also does help eliminate the double-standard, that nobody likes male commentary of the same genre, no matter what they, 'mean by it' -- and, in that vein, I would have found your DH's comment as-reported to be deeply creepy. It's a good think he knows how to only express that thought to you, who he can trust to 'take it the right way'.) So: Your co-shopper *did* mistreat you, and I'm pretty sure she's not your friend. There was no reason for her to have extended the conversation or attacked you, or treated you like a liar. And also: I think it's perfectly normal to notice the model-worthy folks around us, even when they are young and we are not. And also: I think it's wisest to keep such observations to yourself. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 26 minutes ago, bolt. said: I don't at all think it's creepy or perverse for humans (at any age) to be able to notice when someone is young, attractive, and hitting all of our culture's beauty standards in an exemplary way. It's creepy and perverse if that awareness were to thereafter cause a person to want/wish/imagine having sexual contact with that person. Why would it be creepy or perverse even if she had imagined sexual contact with the guy? She said he was an adult. People fantasize about other adults all the time. I'm not into younger men, so I would have felt the same way @Indigo Blue did, but if she had said she was having sexy thoughts about the guy, I wouldn't have judged her for it. It's not like she actually planned to cheat on her dh and have a torrid affair with the guy. Thoughts are just thoughts. (I know a lot of people believe that whole "lusting in the mind is a sin" thing, but I don't personally think it's a big deal.) I know Indigo was just making a casual and perfectly normal comment about the guy's attractiveness and if anyone was a pervert in that situation, I think it was her friend, because her mind went straight to the gutter, instead of realizing what Indigo actually meant. In other news, I think it's time for Indigo to ditch that friend and make some new, less judgmental friends. That woman sounds like a lunatic. 5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 39 minutes ago, knitgrl said: It is totally crazy for this person to go on about this. It is not unlike noticing the striking sunset or other some other natural beauty. There is an Indian grocery I go to about twice a year. I always secretly hope I am cashed out by one of the handsome young men that work there. Road trip to @knitgrl's Indian grocery store! Who's in? 😉 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 This person isn’t just reaching, it sounds like they need therapy. There is nothing creepy about noticing beauty. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 (edited) Just to be devil's advocate, and I am making zero judgment on what was said and get that there is probably other stuff brewing with this particular person that colors the interaction. But as someone who grew up where someone was regularly commenting on how I looked, my hair, my clothes, my body, I am just uncomfortable when people constantly bring up strangers birth given looks and seem to make everything about aesthics. I would NEVER make this kind of leap though that this person did. I wouldn't say anything at all. But it does make me wonder, that maybe that is triggering because of something in their background given no other information about this person? Literally sounds like they need a therapist. And to be clear, I am generous with compliments and acknowledge positive interactions with people. "What a polite young man", "I love your dress today". But it doesn't occur to me to judge or comment on a strangers looks. I also wonder if some of this might be regional/cultural? I read a comment on some online board recently that said something like "well everyone in my neck of the woods is getting fillers, botox, etc." I literally do not know a single person who has chosen to do that. Edited February 20 by catz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 (edited) I absolutely notice both gorgeous young males and females. Why not? It's God's artwork. It has nothing to do with anything but visuals. My mom and dad used to sit on beach chairs together and admire (out loud, to each other)the good looking younger folks. Totally harmless and not weird. I don't know what's up with your conversation partner. That person's reaction was way over the top. Unless s/he was just messing with you? Like if I said "you perv" after a friend admired a gorgeous young man, my friend would know I was just being silly. Edited February 20 by SKL 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 I vote not creepy. SO and I both comment on people (any gender) who happen to be very attractive. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 28 minutes ago, catz said: I also wonder if some of this might be regional/cultural? My husband and I go to Grocery Outlet. At some of their stores, you have customers saying things like “Hi handsome” or “nice nails/hair color” in a flamboyant tone to the cashiers and nobody thinks it is weird. At their other stores, small talk is rare and similar remarks would be seen as out of place. Similar situation at sit down restaurants, complimenting the wait staff looks can have mixed reactions depending on locations. OP, whether your that person is pushing buttons and/or has emotional baggage, you are not weird or creepy. However, I would refrain from interacting with the person. If you watch korean dramas on YouTube, you could see remarks like “I want him to have my baby”, yucky but not creepy unless the fan is a stalker. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 1 hour ago, Catwoman said: Why would it be creepy or perverse even if she had imagined sexual contact with the guy? She said he was an adult. People fantasize about other adults all the time. I'm not into younger men, so I would have felt the same way @Indigo Blue did, but if she had said she was having sexy thoughts about the guy, I wouldn't have judged her for it. It's not like she actually planned to cheat on her dh and have a torrid affair with the guy. Thoughts are just thoughts. (I know a lot of people believe that whole "lusting in the mind is a sin" thing, but I don't personally think it's a big deal.) I just want to share that I authentically asked myself this question, and was quite amused by the transparently irrational reasoning that my brain quite blithely provided for me. Apparently, my thought was that: since a young (and attractive) person was unlikely to be agreeable to a real sexual encounter with the somewhat older and presumably fairly average looking Indigo Blue (him having so many other options, I found myself assuming) therefore (asserts my chaotic little brain) it would be unethical to privately make use of his imaginary image in such a way, without being able to properly imagine his consent unto the entirely imaginary process. I thought you might get as much of a kick out of those mental gymnastics as I did! (Thanks for asking the question.) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarita Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 Reminds me of my daughter's swim instructor when she was 3, he looked like the guys from those old Abercrombie and Fitch bags. DH even made a comment. DD, though hated men with a passion at that age would spend the entire swim lesson telling him how ugly he was, badly he smelled and how she wanted someone squishier. If you cat-call him then you move into creepy category. Just thinking he's good looking doesn't mean a person is going to have an affair with the person or really even consider it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo Blue Posted February 20 Author Share Posted February 20 @bolt., I love your posts. 😊 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 1 hour ago, Indigo Blue said: @bolt., I love your posts. 😊 Me too! Much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 1 hour ago, Indigo Blue said: @bolt., I love your posts. 😊 3 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said: Me too! Much appreciated. Me three! ❤️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 Awww. You are all very nice people! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 My grandmother was still checking out the young doctors when she was on her deathbed, so, ya know, long past being a threat to anyone's virtue. 😆 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 3 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: My grandmother was still checking out the young doctors when she was on her deathbed, so, ya know, long past being a threat to anyone's virtue. 😆 Yay!!! Good for her!!! 😄 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 4 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: My grandmother was still checking out the young doctors when she was on her deathbed, so, ya know, long past being a threat to anyone's virtue. 😆 This tickled me, @Rosie_0801. My FIL and his older brother were born in the twenties, came of age during WW2, and were from that generation that verbally appreciated a woman, yet without being creepy. Both of them, in their later years, always took a pocket full of some wrapped hard candy or a pack of gum to share with staff at doctors' visits. My own kids, as teens, were wigged out about this, and I told them to knock it off. The nurses and healthcare team generally seemed to appreciate being genuinely complimented, and I never saw my FIL ignore someone who was plain. He had a cute, non-suggestive comment for pretty much everyone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 4 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: My grandmother was still checking out the young doctors when she was on her deathbed, so, ya know, long past being a threat to anyone's virtue. 😆 Rosie, I think we had the same grandmother! That woman was flirting well into her 80s like she was Liz Taylor!🤣 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 52 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said: This tickled me, @Rosie_0801. My FIL and his older brother were born in the twenties, came of age during WW2, and were from that generation that verbally appreciated a woman, yet without being creepy. Both of them, in their later years, always took a pocket full of some wrapped hard candy or a pack of gum to share with staff at doctors' visits. My great grandfather got busted checking out a young lady's legs by his grandchildren one time, and when my mother scolded him about it, he said "If you've got it, flaunt it" and told her it was a waste for her to wear such long skirts. Just what a teenager wants to hear right in front of her father and all her siblings. I think she wished she'd minded her business. 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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