I hung up on a parent yesterday

[DawnM]

ARGH!   The parents are going to be the reason I retire early.   

I can't get into details but this parent called me and screamed at me for almost 15 min.   I would try to talk and she would not listen, she would just scream over me.   I finally said, "This is not productive Ma'am, I am going to get off now" and hung up.

She is LIVID.   But she was livid while she was screaming at me! 

Then she sent me a nasty nasty email.   I have forwarded it to my immediate boss and principal.

UGH!   I can't stand dealing with these types of people.

[Bambam]

I'm sorry. That sounds like a terrible situation. It sounds like you were polite about hanging up. 

[Innisfree]

Under the circumstances, I think you ended the call appropriately. I hope your supervisor and principal have your back. Hugs. 

[DawnM]

5 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

Under the circumstances, I think you ended the call appropriately. I hope your supervisor and principal have your back. Hugs. 

They do.   I have documentation of all of my attempts to contact her and her not responding, so I am covered.   

[scholastica]

I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with that. You handled that correctly. It wasn’t going to get any better or change anything to keep letting her scream at you.

[LifeLovePassion]

I feel this pain. I'm sorry she treated you this way. I contacted parents about something their high schooler did and received an e-mail back with 5 reasons it was my fault. The kicker there...the parent is a teacher themselves so you'd think they'd know better.

[Ting Tang]

Argh.  Honestly, she probably doesn't think too much of you ending the phone call. You did as you should have done; perhaps she will reflect on the whole situation in due time.  I know one of my sister-in-law teacher relatives thinks about how much time she has until retirement every day.  She is definitely done with the school year.  You shouldn't have to withstand abuse.  

[DawnM]

3 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

Argh.  Honestly, she probably doesn't think too much of you ending the phone call. You did as you should have done; perhaps she will reflect on the whole situation in due time.  I know one of my sister-in-law teacher relatives thinks about how much time she has until retirement every day.  She is definitely done with the school year.  You shouldn't have to withstand abuse.  

She mentioned it three times in the nasty email she sent.   That's ok, I had already told my direct supervisor and principal that I hung up.   I was told it was the right thing to do and not to worry about it.

But this woman is saying she will go to the district to complain about me, etc..,...

We will see where this goes.   

[Kassia]

That's horrible.  What was she trying to accomplish by acting that way?  I'm sorry that happened and I don't know what else you could have done in that situation.  

[Ting Tang]

11 minutes ago, DawnM said:

She mentioned it three times in the nasty email she sent.   That's ok, I had already told my direct supervisor and principal that I hung up.   I was told it was the right thing to do and not to worry about it.

But this woman is saying she will go to the district to complain about me, etc..,...

We will see where this goes.   

I hope it doesn't become too much of a headache for you.  Be safe.  

[Junie]

I feel sorry for her child(ren). 😞

[math teacher]

I'm so sorry!! Whackadoodle parents are giving me grief, too. 14 full days left with students-time to start praying about next year!!

Try to have a good weekend!!

[East Coast Sue]

I had a parent yell at me recently. She said she didn’t think I was the right teacher for her son and that she’d have him assigned to another class. (I could only wish that was a possibility!) Yelling at me was her response to my email notifying her that he was failing the course due to playing on his phone & wearing earbuds consistently rather than completing classwork. Ugh! Yeah, I’m definitely not the right teacher b/c somehow it’s all my fault. 

Edited April 22, 2023 by East Coast Sue

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, East Coast Sue said:

I had a parent yell at me recently. She said she didn’t think I was the right teacher for her son and that she’d have him assigned to another class. (I could only wish that was a possibility!) Yelling at me was her response to my email notifying her that he was failing the course due to playing on his phone & wearing earbuds consistently rather than completing classwork. Ugh! Yeah, I’m definitely not the right teacher b/c somehow it’s all my fault. 

Oh my, an almost identical situation happened at my other school to another counselor.   She had sent multiple emails with no response.   She finally said, "We are concerned that you are not responding to our emails, please respond or we will need to conduct a home visit."

that parent showed up to the school so fast and screamed and yelled and hollered at the front office staff, me, the AP, etc.....

Funny how sometimes they can read their emails and sometimes, "Oh, I didn't get it" is their M.O.

ARGH!

[DawnM]

9 minutes ago, math teacher said:

I'm so sorry!! Whackadoodle parents are giving me grief, too. 14 full days left with students-time to start praying about next year!!

Try to have a good weekend!!

34 more for us.......and then another 2 days of teacher work days.   

[Not_a_Number]

Ugh. I’m really sorry! That’s so frustrating.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Not kidding, several people I know have quit teaching and it is usually over parents. All of these parents need to figure out how to homeschool (their poor kids lol) because there are not going to be any teachers left to teach their children!  

Edited April 22, 2023 by Ann.without.an.e

[fraidycat]

5 hours ago, Ann.without.an.e said:

Not kidding, several people I know have quit teaching and it is usually over parents. All of these parents need to figure out how to homeschool (their poor kids lol) because there are not going to be any teachers left to teach their children!  

"It's not the kids, it's the parents." 
                 ~ almost every stressed out teacher I've ever talked to

[DawnM]

UPDATE (of sorts)

She called the school Friday and spoke to an AP.   The AP called me today to ask for some documentation of me reaching out to her.   I sent that but I did explain what had happened.

I also spoke to my immediate supervisor and she assured me that it would be ok.   

However, I just don't know how bad it will get before it gets better.

Seriously, could they just put me on paid administrative leave for the remainder of the year and allow me to go to Disney for the next few weeks?  Or Disney and the beach?   

[Kidlit]

One of my last memorable experiences as a teacher (I quit in December to be a full time children's librarian, which is what my masters is in) was being yelled at over the phone by an irate parent who was mad at me because her son had cheated and gotten a zero on an assignment.  She wanted to blame me for it, thought it 1.) wasn't the first time he had cheated that school year (which I had "given him grace" for) and 2.) wasn't the second time he had ever cheated (he did it the year before, too). I had entered a note in the online gradebook detailing why he had gotten the grade, and she was MAD (& hadn't actually read the note when I entered it 🤷🏻‍♀️).  Thankfully, this was a private school and my admin intervened when the irate parent came to the school so that I didn't talk to her face to face.  I was shaking when I got off the phone with her.  
 

ETA:  I finally more or less hung up on the parent after I told her that there was nothing more the phone call could accomplish.  I was NOT going to give in and take the crap because her son was a liar and she didn't check her email!

Edited April 24, 2023 by Kidlit

[thatfirstsip]

On 4/22/2023 at 8:23 AM, DawnM said:

Oh my, an almost identical situation happened at my other school to another counselor.   She had sent multiple emails with no response.   She finally said, "We are concerned that you are not responding to our emails, please respond or we will need to conduct a home visit."

that parent showed up to the school so fast and screamed and yelled and hollered at the front office staff, me, the AP, etc.....

Funny how sometimes they can read their emails and sometimes, "Oh, I didn't get it" is their M.O.

ARGH!

Well to be fair, this would make me pretty angry as a parent too - of course I'm very polite, so I'd never scream or yell, but I'd certainly be very upset if someone threatened to force entry to my home (or even just show up at my door) because I wasn't answering emails. I'm not sure ignoring emails from a school justifies the school threatening to use the coercive power of the state to inspect your home. That's an unfortunate power play on the part of the counselor, and as the parent I'd feel threatened.

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

Well to be fair, this would make me pretty angry as a parent too - of course I'm very polite, so I'd never scream or yell, but I'd certainly be very upset if someone threatened to force entry to my home (or even just show up at my door) because I wasn't answering emails. I'm not sure ignoring emails from a school justifies the school threatening to use the coercive power of the state to inspect your home. That's an unfortunate power play on the part of the counselor, and as the parent I'd feel threatened.

Good point ... depending on the issue behind the emails, of course.

[DawnM]

5 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

Well to be fair, this would make me pretty angry as a parent too - of course I'm very polite, so I'd never scream or yell, but I'd certainly be very upset if someone threatened to force entry to my home (or even just show up at my door) because I wasn't answering emails. I'm not sure ignoring emails from a school justifies the school threatening to use the coercive power of the state to inspect your home. That's an unfortunate power play on the part of the counselor, and as the parent I'd feel threatened.

No, it would not have been anything forced, it would have been a well check.  You would not have had to let anyone into your home.   

[Kanin]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

Seriously, could they just put me on paid administrative leave for the remainder of the year and allow me to go to Disney for the next few weeks?  Or Disney and the beach?   

Ha! That would be amazing. 

[fraidycat]

56 minutes ago, thatfirstsip said:

Well to be fair, this would make me pretty angry as a parent too - of course I'm very polite, so I'd never scream or yell, but I'd certainly be very upset if someone threatened to force entry to my home (or even just show up at my door) because I wasn't answering emails. I'm not sure ignoring emails from a school justifies the school threatening to use the coercive power of the state to inspect your home. That's an unfortunate power play on the part of the counselor, and as the parent I'd feel threatened.

Wow, that's reading a lot of over the top powerplays into a "home visit".

I can think of so many scenarios where a home visit/well check would be a good, possibly even life saving, thing if a parent dropped off the radar and did not respond to communication attempts. Domestic violence (no access to phone/computer), depression, drug use, etc. There could be so many different things going on inside a home where a parent is not responding that a well-check might be the thing that starts the ball rolling to get the family some much needed help.

[DawnM]

12 hours ago, Kanin said:

Ha! That would be amazing. 

Right?

[SKL]

15 hours ago, fraidycat said:

Wow, that's reading a lot of over the top powerplays into a "home visit".

I can think of so many scenarios where a home visit/well check would be a good, possibly even life saving, thing if a parent dropped off the radar and did not respond to communication attempts. Domestic violence (no access to phone/computer), depression, drug use, etc. There could be so many different things going on inside a home where a parent is not responding that a well-check might be the thing that starts the ball rolling to get the family some much needed help.

Without additional issues presenting, I would think 99% of the time the parent is either buried in work / family issues, or trying to wean the kids off of too much parental involvement in school stuff.  Or maybe they just receive way too many emails from the school and don't want to encourage that.

I have so many unopened emails in my inboxes right now.  I have to triage the most urgent stuff.  As much as the teacher thinks a thing should seem urgent, the parent may have unknown reasons to feel differently.

[Scarlett]

53 minutes ago, SKL said:

Without additional issues presenting, I would think 99% of the time the parent is either buried in work / family issues, or trying to wean the kids off of too much parental involvement in school stuff.  Or maybe they just receive way too many emails from the school and don't want to encourage that.

I have so many unopened emails in my inboxes right now.  I have to triage the most urgent stuff.  As much as the teacher thinks a thing should seem urgent, the parent may have unknown reasons to feel differently.

Still and yet why the rage reaction when they were told via email that a well check would be done if they continued to receive no response?  That took up a lot more time than just answering the email and saying, ‘sorry I haven’t responded, super swamped here.’

[SKL]

18 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Still and yet why the rage reaction when they were told via email that a well check would be done if they continued to receive no response?  That took up a lot more time than just answering the email and saying, ‘sorry I haven’t responded, super swamped here.’

Can't speak for that lady, I was just agreeing that what sounded like a threat to come and inspect their home might not have been necessary or helpful.

[scholastica]

Since DawnM is a school counselor, I would assume that this is an issue bigger than one teacher and that the school may be required by law to investigate further. I doubt she would say that without good reason.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, SKL said:

Can't speak for that lady, I was just agreeing that what sounded like a threat to come and inspect their home might not have been necessary or helpful.

It appears it was necessary since the school required a response. Also helpful because the school got a response. The only thing that makes no sense is the parents  reaction. 

[fraidycat]

2 hours ago, SKL said:

Without additional issues presenting, I would think 99% of the time the parent is either buried in work / family issues, or trying to wean the kids off of too much parental involvement in school stuff.  Or maybe they just receive way too many emails from the school and don't want to encourage that.

I have so many unopened emails in my inboxes right now.  I have to triage the most urgent stuff.  As much as the teacher thinks a thing should seem urgent, the parent may have unknown reasons to feel differently.

Nobody is too buried in issues to send a 5 second reply to the school counselor about their kid. I don't care how busy any person is, their child's education is still their responsibility until kid graduates high school or turns the age of majority. Period.

[SKL]

44 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

Nobody is too buried in issues to send a 5 second reply to the school counselor about their kid. I don't care how busy any person is, their child's education is still their responsibility until kid graduates high school or turns the age of majority. Period.

Yeah that's fine ... I obviously don't know the story behind the "we may have to make a home visit" message.  I'm just saying that without specific risk factors presenting, it sounds like quite an escalation.  If I received an email telling me that if I don't do xyz the school or the County is going to be physically knocking at my door (and expecting to be allowed in), I would be agitated.  I am not the type to go throw a fit, but it would uspet me and not make me feel more cooperative.

I can imagine scenarios where this might be reasonable.  But not just because a parent isn't good about answering emails.

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, SKL said:

Yeah that's fine ... I obviously don't know the story behind the "we may have to make a home visit" message.  I'm just saying that without specific risk factors presenting, it sounds like quite an escalation.  If I received an email telling me that if I don't do xyz the school or the County is going to be physically knocking at my door (and expecting to be allowed in), I would be agitated.  I am not the type to go throw a fit, but it would uspet me and not make me feel more cooperative.

I can imagine scenarios where this might be reasonable.  But not just because a parent isn't good about answering emails.

To the bolded, why?  

And if you think that is an escalation what were the other options for the counselor?  

[SKL]

9 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

To the bolded, why?  

And if you think that is an escalation what were the other options for the counselor?  

I like to feel like my home is my private castle and people only come here if I invite them.

And if I invite them, I have time to get the house ready for guests.  Which I probably haven't had if I've been so busy with work or family stuff that I couldn't keep up on my personal emails.

There's just something super uncomfortable about the G-man coming knocking at my door without an invitation.

Edited April 25, 2023 by SKL

[Jean in Newcastle]

6 minutes ago, SKL said:

I like to feel like my home is my private castle and people only come here if I invite them.

And if I invite them, I have time to get the house ready for guests.  Which I probably haven't had if I've been so busy with work or family stuff that I couldn't keep up on my personal emails.

There's just something super uncomfortable about the G-man coming knocking at my door without an invitation.

The G-man isn’t knocking on your door. A school counselor, whose job is to help “your” children with issues that often need to be discussed or disclosed to parents is trying to do their job - which is in every one’s best interest if they can do it with parental input. I would bet $100 that this same parent would be screaming if the counselor went around them and made decisions without their consent or input. 

[pinball]

44 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

To the bolded, why?  

And if you think that is an escalation what were the other options for the counselor?  

A phone call?

 

[pinball]

5 hours ago, scholastica said:

Since DawnM is a school counselor, I would assume that this is an issue bigger than one teacher and that the school may be required by law to investigate further. I doubt she would say that without good reason.

It wasn’t Dawn in the threatened home visit story.

[pinball]

3 hours ago, SKL said:

Yeah that's fine ... I obviously don't know the story behind the "we may have to make a home visit" message.  I'm just saying that without specific risk factors presenting, it sounds like quite an escalation.  If I received an email telling me that if I don't do xyz the school or the County is going to be physically knocking at my door (and expecting to be allowed in), I would be agitated.  I am not the type to go throw a fit, but it would uspet me and not make me feel more cooperative.

I can imagine scenarios where this might be reasonable.  But not just because a parent isn't good about answering emails.

I’d love to know the reason the emails were sent in the first place.

[SKL]

4 hours ago, SKL said:

Yeah that's fine ... I obviously don't know the story behind the "we may have to make a home visit" message.  I'm just saying that without specific risk factors presenting, it sounds like quite an escalation.  If I received an email telling me that if I don't do xyz the school or the County is going to be physically knocking at my door (and expecting to be allowed in), I would be agitated.  I am not the type to go throw a fit, but it would uspet me and not make me feel more cooperative.

I can imagine scenarios where this might be reasonable.  But not just because a parent isn't good about answering emails.

Quoting myself to add - I assume the school personnel threatened the home visit because she knew that would force the parents' action.

I just hope that the situation actually called for that level of coercion.

Edited April 25, 2023 by SKL

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, pinball said:

I’d love to know the reason the emails were sent in the first place.

I think in that case the child was failing all of their classes, teachers had tried to reach home multiple times, chronic absenteeism, and concerns about the child overall.

[DawnM]

41 minutes ago, SKL said:

Quoting myself to add - I assume the school personnel threatened the home visit because she knew that would force the parents' action.

I just hope that the situation actually called for that level of coercion.

We have to do things legally before reporting the parents for truancy.   I am not sure about this particular situation though.

I promise you, the parents who warrant that level of "threat" have read every email and listened to every voice message, they just don't want to respond.   Once you start talking truancy court or well checks they magical get your correspondence and reply.   It is such a waste of everyone's time and makes me so frustrated!

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, pinball said:

A phone call?

 

We don’t know the counselor did not try that.  But either way, why is it escalation to say, ‘hey we have been trying to reach you with no response. Please respond or we will have to do a well check. ‘.    Why would that cause someone to lose their mind?   A normal person who simply had somehow missed the contact attempts (yet somehow received  this one) would say, ‘oh so sorry!’ Or even, ‘why did you not try to phone me?’   A normal, rational response is not to come raging into the school.  

[SKL]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

We don’t know the counselor did not try that.  But either way, why is it escalation to say, ‘hey we have been trying to reach you with no response. Please respond or we will have to do a well check. ‘.    Why would that cause someone to lose their mind?   A normal person who simply had somehow missed the contact attempts (yet somehow received  this one) would say, ‘oh so sorry!’ Or even, ‘why did you not try to phone me?’   A normal, rational response is not to come raging into the school.  

Nobody here thinks that a normal, rational response is to come raging into the school.

[pinball]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

We don’t know the counselor did not try that.  But either way, why is it escalation to say, ‘hey we have been trying to reach you with no response. Please respond or we will have to do a well check. ‘.    Why would that cause someone to lose their mind?   A normal person who simply had somehow missed the contact attempts (yet somehow received  this one) would say, ‘oh so sorry!’ Or even, ‘why did you not try to phone me?’   A normal, rational response is not to come raging into the school.  

You’re mixing together the two situations, those being:

The counselor threatening to do a home visit/ well check bc she hasn’t heard from the parent.

The parent going to the school and yelling after she got the email. (Is the parent a mom or dad? I had assumed a mom but the first post just said “parent”).

Both things can be wrong.

First it was referred to as a home visit, then a well check. People here implied lots of different things could be going on. Sure can. But what is going on with the student, at the school, that would lead to a “home visit well check.” Behavior problems?Fighting? No lunches? Hygiene issues? Physical injuries? Emotional breakdowns?

Days later in this thread…it is noted the home visit well check was threatening bc the kid was failing all his classes. 
 

Is it serious? Yes. Could it indicate other problems at home? Yes. 

But to threaten a home visit well check because of failing classes is not IMO the best way to address this problem these days. It would be more likely to drive a wedge between the school and the parent. Which it sounds like it did. 

[scholastica]

6 minutes ago, pinball said:

You’re mixing together the two situations, those being:

The counselor threatening to do a home visit/ well check bc she hasn’t heard from the parent.

The parent going to the school and yelling after she got the email. (Is the parent a mom or dad? I had assumed a mom but the first post just said “parent”).

Both things can be wrong.

First it was referred to as a home visit, then a well check. People here implied lots of different things could be going on. Sure can. But what is going on with the student, at the school, that would lead to a “home visit well check.” Behavior problems?Fighting? No lunches? Hygiene issues? Physical injuries? Emotional breakdowns?

Days later in this thread…it is noted the home visit well check was threatening bc the kid was failing all his classes. 
 

Is it serious? Yes. Could it indicate other problems at home? Yes. 

But to threaten a home visit well check because of failing classes is not IMO the best way to address this problem these days. It would be more likely to drive a wedge between the school and the parent. Which it sounds like it did. 

The OP is not required to satisfy anyone’s curiosity or meet anyone’s standard on an internet forum. She is a qualified and certified professional in her field in at least 2 states. She knows her job and it’s requirements and limitations. She is accountable to the school system and the laws in her state, not the members here. School systems have the right to and are often required to involve the social service and legal systems in situations in which the student may be neglected or abused. 

[pinball]

24 minutes ago, scholastica said:

The OP is not required to satisfy anyone’s curiosity or meet anyone’s standard on an internet forum. She is a qualified and certified professional in her field in at least 2 states. She knows her job and it’s requirements and limitations. She is accountable to the school system and the laws in her state, not the members here. School systems have the right to and are often required to involve the social service and legal systems in situations in which the student may be neglected or abused. 

This story about the threatened phone call did not happen to Dawn. It happened to her co-worker. 
 

Dawn did share the story, which naturally led to a discussion. 
 

Im not sure what the purpose of your speech is here, and why you quoted me as an introduction to it, although I am a wonderful communicator so maybe you just wanted to bask in my glow?
 

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️🤷
 

 

[scholastica]

47 minutes ago, pinball said:

This story about the threatened phone call did not happen to Dawn. It happened to her co-worker. 
 

Dawn did share the story, which naturally led to a discussion. 
 

Im not sure what the purpose of your speech is here, and why you quoted me as an introduction to it, although I am a wonderful communicator so maybe you just wanted to bask in my glow?
 

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️🤷
 

 

Teachers and counselors don’t usually threaten to involve the outside authorities without cause. That is my point. And no-one has to justify their reasons for doing so to anyone not intimately involved. You previously stated that you were wanting details. Here:

 

13 hours ago, pinball said:

I’d love to know the reason the emails were sent in the first place.

That is inordinate curiosity. Not your kid, so no-one has to give you the details to justify themselves to you. 

[pinball]

2 minutes ago, scholastica said:

Teachers and counselors don’t usually threaten to involve the outside authorities without cause. That is my point. And no-one has to justify their reasons for doing so to anyone not intimately involved. You previously stated that you were wanting details. Here:

 

That is inordinate curiosity. Not your kid, so no-one has to give you the details to justify themselves to you. 

Huh…inordinate curiosity. Do you have a definition for that? What makes it “inordinate”?

Is it illegal? Immoral? I’m fascinated! 

Dawn relaying this story (which happened to someone else, not her) is what started this whole rabbit trail, you do realize that, don’t you? And she DID answer my question. 

How do you qualify that? When someone answers a question that you consider an instance of “inordinate curiosity”?

Also, please list your mortgage rate and remaining principal balance. Thanks! 🥰 😇😬
 

 

[scholastica]

46 minutes ago, pinball said:

Huh…inordinate curiosity. Do you have a definition for that? What makes it “inordinate”?

Is it illegal? Immoral? I’m fascinated! 

Dawn relaying this story (which happened to someone else, not her) is what started this whole rabbit trail, you do realize that, don’t you? And she DID answer my question. 

How do you qualify that? When someone answers a question that you consider an instance of “inordinate curiosity”?

Also, please list your mortgage rate and remaining principal balance. Thanks! 🥰 😇😬
 

 

Dawn is a really nice person. That’s why. She didn’t have to answer your question. Why did you ask the question? Why are you interested in the details about someone else’s minor child?