When people try to communicate with songs

[Ginevra]

Any BTDT advice? I don’t mean: person you are communicating with says, “This reminds me of the song Never Surrender by Triumph…” I mean: person you’re communicating with just drops a song or video they think communicates something about themselves or the situation. Think like, you’re texting a friend about something tense and they drop in a video link to Billie Eilish’s Bad Guy. What is the music-dropper expecting to have happen here? Would you go the clinical route, I.e., “I wonder, dear friend, what is it about that song that resonates with you?” Or are you more direct: “What are you trying to say? You want to seduce your friend’s dad?” 😏

Is this a typical tactic of people who struggle with deep communicating? It seems to primarily be done by people with this issue. However, it also seems like it leaves a LOT open to misconstruing. The recipient of the music may not correctly figure out why the music-dropper referenced it. 

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

Always go with "you want to seduce your friend’s dad?" 🤣  

I don't really have answers but it made me lol

 

Edited February 6, 2023 by Ann.without.an.e

[fraidycat]

I would probably go with the direct route  per Ann's suggestion, asking if my interpretation of their song choice is the message they were trying to send.

I don't know if this is typical or not. I rarely get songs dropped into a text, but if I do, it's more of a fun "remember when" thing.

[stephanier.1765]

I've never had that happen but, knowing me, I wouldn't say anything only because I would feel dumb for not knowing what it was about that song that they were trying to say. I'm not saying that's what you should do but only how I know I'd react. I always feel everyone else knows more than me so I really hope no one every drop song communicates with me.

[Rosie_0801]

Treat it like a meme or gif.

[SHP]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

 

Is this a typical tactic of people who struggle with deep communicating? It seems to primarily be done by people with this issue. However, it also seems like it leaves a LOT open to misconstruing. The recipient of the music may not correctly figure out why the music-dropper referenced it. 

 

It is my family culture. EVERYTHING has a song and if someone says something that could be a reference or something in a song the song is sung. Every time.

[KungFuPanda]

This has never happened in all my life. Maybe they thought the song delivered a message better than they could and didn’t want to reinvent the wheel. I get that some people are more deeply connected to music and absolutely need it for their personal happiness. I truly get that, but to drop a song into a serious conversation seems a wee bit odd. Do they mean well? Is this a conversation you’d be better off having with a different friend? If you’ve felt a lack of depth with previous conversations perhaps this is just a bad fit for some topics. 

[SKL]

Oops, I do this sometimes.  😛  I'm not expecting anything.  But it is always interesting which songs get "likes" vs. dead silence.  😛

[SKL]

19 minutes ago, SHP said:

It is my family culture. EVERYTHING has a song and if someone says something that could be a reference or something in a song the song is sung. Every time.

Same!  If I can't think of a song related to the conversation / event, get me to the doctor fast!

[Guest]

36 minutes ago, SKL said:

Oops, I do this sometimes.  😛  I'm not expecting anything.  But it is always interesting which songs get "likes" vs. dead silence.  😛

Do you expect something when you do this? Does someone giving a “like” make you feel understood? 

[marbel]

This is so interesting. In my family, someone is often breaking into a song apropos the conversation/moment. Like "oh wow it's later than I thought!' will get someone humming the intro to "Fly Like an Eagle." I figure that is not unusual. But in a serious conversation, text or otherwise?  Nope.

If I was the recipient I would likely just say something like "I'm missing your point" or similar. In the example given, sure, I'd go with the seduction line.

[Teachaheart]

My response in situations like this is, “Tell me more.”  

[SKL]

You could post the following in response.

 

[SKL]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

Do you expect something when you do this? Does someone giving a “like” make you feel understood? 

TBH I am interested to see if anyone else gets me, but it's OK if they don't.  🙂

[Guest]

1 minute ago, SKL said:

TBH I am interested to see if anyone else gets me, but it's OK if they don't.  🙂

But what if they think they get you but they don’t actually? 

[SKL]

Just now, Quill said:

But what if they think they get you but they don’t actually? 

I guess that's OK too?

[Guest]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

This has never happened in all my life. Maybe they thought the song delivered a message better than they could and didn’t want to reinvent the wheel. I get that some people are more deeply connected to music and absolutely need it for their personal happiness. I truly get that, but to drop a song into a serious conversation seems a wee bit odd. Do they mean well? Is this a conversation you’d be better off having with a different friend? If you’ve felt a lack of depth with previous conversations perhaps this is just a bad fit for some topics. 

In this particular case, I think it’s because the person avoids conflict and wants the conversation to change. So there are some things the person could say that would be Frank and would explain better but they are so uncomfortable they think it’s easier to drop in the song and hope I understand. 
 

This is actually the *third* person I’ve known well who does this sometimes. It’s as though the topic is too strongly felt for words so they throw in a song instead. 

[SHP]

18 minutes ago, SKL said:

You could post the following in response.

 

In case anyone was thinking that there isn't a song for everything lol

[Garga]

Music means pretty much nothing to me. Other people talk about how a song changed their life or touched them deeply, etc, but I’ve never had that experience. I prefer silence and listen to music only in the car and only a few catchy songs that I’ve put on my phone. I don’t honestly like much music at all. I find it boring. 

I would be lost if someone posted songs in response to what I was saying. But then again, I figure that I’m just stunted when it comes to music and that everyone else feels the music deeper than I do. I would have no idea what they meant if they sent me songs, unless the title was super obvious like the Over My Head title upthread.

If it was a serious text conversation, I might try to pick up the conversation where it was before the song was dropped, but if it was a casual text conversation, I’d probably pretend I got it and then end or move on with the conversation in another direction.

[Sneezyone]

Oh yes. I do this, particularly with DH, all the time. A song can be a whole vibe and we pay attention to lyrics. If I'm feeling especially enamored of DH, I'll use this (which seems like a 'cheating' song but we've always interpreted as a 'start fresh' song). If I'm annoyed/angry/fed up, this. If I'm feeling frisky... this. My mom used to get SUPER happy when this came on the radio (and I sang along b/c it's still a damn good song!). So, yeah, I'm comfy communicating through music. It's less about not wanting to use words and more because the words and music combined are more powerful.

Edited February 5, 2023 by Sneezyone

[TravelingChris]

So dh is so often into the lyrics, and for probably 95% of the songs, I am into the music and rhythm and instrument sounds, etc, anything except the lyrics. 

But he often repeats things that have no meaning to him either.  He doesn't tend to text music.  I do sometimes or put sometime on Facebook- but because I like the music or I like the music and the lyrics.

[Sneezyone]

3 hours ago, Quill said:

Do you expect something when you do this? Does someone giving a “like” make you feel understood? 

My friends totally get it b/c we share similar cultural influences.

[Tap]

I have someone in my life who does this. Just a random link to a song, with zero context. Some have lyrics that resonate with them and they also just send songs that they like the sound of. Which......gets really, really confusing. LOL

A big problem I have with this, is that not every lyric usually fits the situation or emotion someone is trying to convey. Which, leaves me wondering sometimes, which parts are important and which are being ignored. 

 

[Sneezyone]

I mean, is there really a lot of confusion if you drop "These boots are made for walkin'" or "It's My Birthday (and I'll cry if I want to)" in a chat?

Edited February 5, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

I mean, is there really a lot of confusion if you drop "These boots are made for walkin'" or "It's My Birthday (and I'll cry if I want to)" in a chat?

No. But, say you’re talking about why they flaked out on something they had planned to join you for and then, while you’re discussing the issue, they dropped Taylor Swift’s Anti-Hero song in there. What would it mean? Are they saying, “Look, I have serious struggles and this is why I do dumb stuff….” Or are they being sarcastic, “Oh, Hi, it’s me; I’m the problem”? 
 

I wish I could remember one of the incidents that was a couple years ago with one of the people who does this. It was a song I did not know so I listened to it. It was a self-loathing song. Basically just said, “I’m crazy; I’m sorry.” That was one of the time I was like, “Ooookaaayyy…?” Like what do you say to that? 

[Sneezyone]

32 minutes ago, Quill said:

No. But, say you’re talking about why they flaked out on something they had planned to join you for and then, while you’re discussing the issue, they dropped Taylor Swift’s Anti-Hero song in there. What would it mean? Are they saying, “Look, I have serious struggles and this is why I do dumb stuff….” Or are they being sarcastic, “Oh, Hi, it’s me; I’m the problem”? 
 

I wish I could remember one of the incidents that was a couple years ago with one of the people who does this. It was a song I did not know so I listened to it. It was a self-loathing song. Basically just said, “I’m crazy; I’m sorry.” That was one of the time I was like, “Ooookaaayyy…?” Like what do you say to that? 

I can understand why that'd be less clear. I'm a lot less familiar with modern music and have no familiarity with Swifty code. Imma just say tho...if my DH drops D'Angelo's "How Does It Feel" in a chat?? ... It's gonna be a good night (and I'm sorry for those who lack that experience). I'd probably start by looking for a video of the music and lyrics. Does that help?

Edited February 5, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

I can understand why that'd be less clear. I'm a lot less familiar with modern music and have no familiarity with Swifty code. Imma just say tho...if my DH drops D'Angelo's "How Does It Feel" in a chat?? ... It's gonna be a good night. I'd probably start by looking for a video of the music and lyrics. Does that help?

Yeah, I did that, not being a Swift fan on the whole. (Actually I find her songs especially earworm-ish and so now I can’t get rid of this song.) Apparently the TS fandom has been dissecting that song all over the web, so I’m not the only person wondering what someone is trying to say wrt that song. 

[Sneezyone]

7 minutes ago, Quill said:

Yeah, I did that, not being a Swift fan on the whole. (Actually I find her songs especially earworm-ish and so now I can’t get rid of this song.) Apparently the TS fandom has been dissecting that song all over the web, so I’m not the only person wondering what someone is trying to say wrt that song. 

I have repeatedly and vociferously objected to my oldests' use of rando songs with obscure artists/lyrics in family discourse. Some younger artists are MUUUUCH better (like Doja Cat, Meghan Thee Stallion and Sza)...can you tell I have teens?? but others, no. I'd just flat out ask..."What is your takeaway from this song?"

Edited February 5, 2023 by Sneezyone

[Clarita]

If I'm in a conversation and someone gives me a response that I just don't understand I just ask. I assume they are talking to me because I'm their friend and well I'm up front about not understanding stuff. 

My family will break out into song if the conversation reminds them of a song. No one expects anything, if you know the song feel free to join in or not. I also have a few conversation threads that have multiple conversations going on at the same time so if someone drops something seemingly unrelated in the middle of a deep conversation I just assume it's following a different thought or see how others react for context clues. Usually I have deep conversation face to face or in a phone call and it's clearer what is going on.

[teachermom2834]

My response could be confused emoji. Or “was this meant for me?” when I’m truly confused but that is usually with my kids sending me something random and not necessarily mid ongoing conversation. If I just didn’t want to pursue the conversation further I might just say LOL or just not respond at all. But, in general, that would be a conversation killer for me I think. I just don’t think I would respond to or engage in that at all in serious conversation. In the example you gave with the Taylor Swift song in response to someone blowing off something they were supposed to do I would just not respond. I would just figure I couldn’t work with that in a serious conversation. In a light silly conversation? I’d just LOL or IKR? but I’m not really going to respond in conversation to that. 
 

 

[TravelingChris]

4 hours ago, Tap said:

I have someone in my life who does this. Just a random link to a song, with zero context. Some have lyrics that resonate with them and they also just send songs that they like the sound of. Which......gets really, really confusing. LOL

A big problem I have with this, is that not every lyric usually fits the situation or emotion someone is trying to convey. Which, leaves me wondering sometimes, which parts are important and which are being ignored. 

 

My family used to think (and I am sure a lot still do) how funny it is that I didn't think "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash was a sad song.  When you don't concentrate on lyrics- you concentrate on other aspects of the song- the entire sound of it at times, a particular specific part, etc.  (BTW, I have never texted anything like that as a happy song either- or as anything.)  The stuff I tend to text is from a concert I am attending or a brand new song I found that I love and some other family member may love.  But ds and dd2, I think understood.  

Now there are songs with lyrics that are very sad too-the Harry Chapin song about the father and the son and then his son.   And also "Seasons of the Sun", "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", etc.   And of course, once I read the lyrics to 'Hurt', I understood why everyone thought it was funny.

 

 

[Scarlett]

9 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

My family used to think (and I am sure a lot still do) how funny it is that I didn't think "Hurt" performed by Johnny Cash was a sad song.  When you don't concentrate on lyrics- you concentrate on other aspects of the song- the entire sound of it at times, a particular specific part, etc.  (BTW, I have never texted anything like that as a happy song either- or as anything.)  The stuff I tend to text is from a concert I am attending or a brand new song I found that I love and some other family member may love.  But ds and dd2, I think understood.  

Now there are songs with lyrics that are very sad too-the Harry Chapin song about the father and the son and then his son.   And also "Seasons of the Sun", "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", etc.   And of course, once I read the lyrics to 'Hurt', I understood why everyone thought it was funny.

 

 

Hurt is one of the saddest songs ever written IMO.

@Quill is it actually the Anti hero song or is that just an example?

[stephanier.1765]

16 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

for probably 95% of the songs, I am into the music and rhythm and instrument sounds, etc, anything except the lyrics.

Oh gosh, this is me! For a very long time, I had no idea that anyone was any different. For me, the voice is just another instrument and what it is saying isn't as important as how it sounds.

[SKL]

Yeah, I listen to the words and usually have them memorized pretty fast so I can sing along.

It's sad because some songs are musically great, but the lyrics are not things I actually want in my mouth.  However, music generally wins.  😛

[Scarlett]

48 minutes ago, stephanier.1765 said:

Oh gosh, this is me! For a very long time, I had no idea that anyone was any different. For me, the voice is just another instrument and what it is saying isn't as important as how it sounds.

Completely opposite here.  If I can’t understand the lyrics I don’t even want to listen to the song because lyrics are most important thing to me.

And then some songs from my youth make me ill now because life experience has made me REALLY understand. 

Edited February 6, 2023 by Scarlett

[Guest]

22 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Completely opposite here.  If I can’t understand the lyrics I don’t even want to listen to the song because lyrics are most important thing to me.

And then some songs from my youth make me ill now because life experience has made me REALLY understand. 

This is how I am. The lyrics are extremely relevant to me. Also, songs with complex lyrics always create an obsession until I can memorize the lyrics and understand them. If I never can understand them I will forever hate that song. (Blinded by the Light, anyone?) 

Anti-Hero is the actual song used in this case. It is possible the friend I’m talking about could be here so I was hypothesizing in the OP. 

[TravelingChris]

20 hours ago, Quill said:

This is how I am. The lyrics are extremely relevant to me. Also, songs with complex lyrics always create an obsession until I can memorize the lyrics and understand them. If I never can understand them I will forever hate that song. (Blinded by the Light, anyone?) 

Anti-Hero is the actual song used in this case. It is possible the friend I’m talking about could be here so I was hypothesizing in the OP. 

OF course, not.. I am the opposite of you in the lyrics regard.😄