Help me find a work spot

[TexasProud]

Sorry, stupid question that only irritated people.

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[regentrude]

Middle son's room.

You don't have to keep a room empty for an adult kid who is about to graduate and might just perhaps possibly want to move back home.

If that should indeed happen, you can always find another solution at that point. It can't take more than a few hours to move your things elsewhere. Don't overthink.

ETA: a room of one's own is a powerful thing. You have tons of space in your house, prioritize your need over the wants of adult offspring. 

Edited January 2, 2023 by regentrude

[Carrie12345]

18 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

The RV.  I love my study, but no power out there unless we are getting ready for a trip. During the pandemic, when all three adult children were home, I worked out there and really liked it. However, it has to be a certain temperature. I can bundle up to a certain extent. In the summer, I could only work out there before 8am.  And obviously I was taking stuff back and forth as all of my junk won't fit in there. 

Can you get a home plug in cord? I don’t know what this is actually called. A friend of ours with a camper just plugs into an exterior outlet at the firehouse and at his home. I assume it’s a specific rating (cord and outlet) for this purpose.   
I don’t know what that would cost, but I bet the actual value would be high!

 I’m still working on trying to claim one spot, and bouncing around in the meantime. A comfy desk chair is a must for me.  
I suspect it’ll end up being a corner of the unfinished basement once I organize it and add a space heater, but we’ll see.

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 7:26 AM, regentrude said:

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 7:45 AM, Carrie12345 said:

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[lmrich]

What else is in your husband's study? Could  he move the bike in there? And then you could have the playroom, and you  need to close the door so your dh can't bother you. 

How far is the church? Would you really want to walk  over there at 4:00 am? 

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 7:51 AM, lmrich said:

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[elegantlion]

I agree about using middle son's room, you could just add a small desk and chair until May. If he moves home in May, you can revert to one of the other options. 

I also agree that having your own space is wonderful. I've had my own desk or office space since before ds was born. 

It also sounds like you need a place where you can close the door and remind family members that if the door is closed, they should not disturb. 

 

[Annie G]

I’d do a two room makeover: both of your sons’ rooms. One will become your workspace and the other a guest room for whatever kid comes home for a visit. And frame it like that- your older son who lives on his own but comes home for weeks at a time can stay in the guest room, not ‘his room’.

You do a lot of productive work that needs a permanent base. I think you’d be very happy with a dedicated space. 

[marbel]

Here are a couple quick thoughts, I realize they might not work well. I also do not have a space of my own and it annoys the hell out of me, so I get where you are coming from. 

1. Move an inexpensive folding table into your middle son's room. Get a rolling cart to store your books and other materials on. Work in there when he is away; if you know he is coming home,  you can stash the table elsewhere and roll your cart back out. When he is home, you will have the same problem you have now, but if you don't even know if/when he's coming, you could at least use the room while he's gone. I understand a child not feeling welcome in the home if "their" room is no longer available to them. But any adult child who knows space is at a premium can understand a parent using the room when they are not there. 

2. Tell your husband not to speak to you when you are working in the playroom and he's exercising or whatever. I usually work at a desk in our family room. It is on the way to the laundry room and people are in and out all the time. The family rule is - when mom is at her desk, she is unavailable unless there is a real emergency.  Your husband can wait to show you his email or talk to you or whatever. People are used to mom/wife to be available every minute of every day but it doesn't have to be that way. 

Edited January 2, 2023 by marbel

[momto3innc]

Your kids are all grown. It sounds like you have a big house with many rooms. They were needed in a different way before and now you have different needs. I would hate having my stuff in all different places. I would choose a place to make yours…and then have a fun time making it yours! Set it up in a way that brings joy and is also practical. I’m thinking the playroom. Its new name is texasproud’s office. Yes, people may need to do activities different places but I’m sure they’ll adjust quickly. However…does this have a door? 

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 8:11 AM, marbel said:

H

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 8:13 AM, momto3innc said:

 

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

If middle son moves back, I’d run an electric cord out to the camper and use that. I’m currently using our RV as an office until my husband has finished building my library she shed. It works well.

[happi duck]

I would install a bookcase as a room divider and carve out an office in the living room.

[Storygirl]

1 hour ago, Annie G said:

I’d do a two room makeover: both of your sons’ rooms. One will become your workspace and the other a guest room for whatever kid comes home for a visit. And frame it like that- your older son who lives on his own but comes home for weeks at a time can stay in the guest room, not ‘his room’.

You do a lot of productive work that needs a permanent base. I think you’d be very happy with a dedicated space. 

I was going to post this, but Annie G beat me to it. If you make over both rooms, neither son will feel like the other is favored.

[Storygirl]

Or, better yet, turn all three of the kids' bedrooms into guest rooms by removing their personal items, repainting, perhaps new furniture, or at least new bedding and decor. That way, if the two sons are home, but the daughter isn't, one of them can stay in the guest room that used to be her room.

Two generic guest rooms. One office for you.

Just in case you have all three kids at home at some point, you can put a pull-out sofa, futon, or murphy bed in your office space. It sounds like this would not happen often enough for it to be a problem for you to relocate your workspace temporarily for a short-term guest to stay in your office.

[Storygirl]

Or, if you prefer the space, use the playroom for your office and move the exercise bikes to one of the guest rooms.

I would personally choose the room that had the best lighting and was furthest from the husband's office space, so that he gets out of the habit of interrupting you.

I know that you two are very close, but I think he needs to respect your personal space, and it's okay for you to tell him that if you are in your office with the door closed, that you don't want to be interrupted. You could put a whiteboard on the door, so that if he comes, and you aren't available, he can write you a note. He should be able to respect that, and it's okay for you to ask him to.

[Annie G]

5 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

 

I would personally choose the room that had the best lighting and was furthest from the husband's office space, so that he gets out of the habit of interrupting you.

 

Agree. It will take some conditioning to get used to not being available all the time (for both of you to adjust to that), but in the long run it’s a good thing. 
‘I feel so appreciated when dh comes into my room but asks if I have time to talk to him. And doesn’t get moody if I say not right now. After decades of housewife/homeschool mom, I appreciate that he respects my time.

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 10:01 AM, Storygirl said:

nm

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[Scarlett]

I would build a small cottage on your property. You could have coffee and snacks in there and have all your stuff where no one will disturb you or your stuff.  

[Storygirl]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

But I already made them over. My oldest son's room has a large desk.  He works remotely and has multiple computers on the large space.

The middle one is the one I made the guest room.  I mentioned we bought a nice double bed.  There is a bedside table.  His room has a massive built in and I made a coffee station and such.  

But it seems they are still considered to belong to specific kids. If you make them generic, than anyone can sleep in any room. So you can take over one of the bedrooms, and the other two do not BELONG to anyone but are generic guest rooms.

Could you, for example, let oldest son work in the play room when he is home? Move that desk there, so the bedroom is less like it belongs to him.

Just throwing out ideas. We play musical bedrooms here with four kids sharing three rooms. One room has been the bedroom of three of the kids at different times, for example. We make the house work for our needs.

With two people sharing a large house, there should be a way for you to rearrange things for you to have an office space of your own. Everyone else is a guest and no longer needs a reserved space for themselves and can make do with whatever guest rooms are available when they are home.

For example, I would rename the "play room" and give it a more appropriate and updated purpose. Could it be a guest room with the addition of a pull out couch, for example?

Edited January 2, 2023 by Storygirl

[KungFuPanda]

You have three grown children. Create two non/person-specific guest rooms and claim an office for the person who lives there full time and NEEDS it. Or claim the playroom and put your DH’s exercise equipment in one of the guest rooms or your bedroom since you’re up before him anyway. 
 

You have to set up the house for the people who live and work there every day. Holding a shrine of each kid’s childhood bedroom is a waste of space. You HAVE enough rooms to claim a dedicated office. 
 

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 3:53 PM, KungFuPanda said:

Y

of online meetings. 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 1:56 PM, Storygirl said:

 

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

Thank you for helping me brainstorm everyone.  Part of the issue is the open concept of some areas. You are right.  The bedrooms are the best idea and in 3 years or so, I would have no issue totally taking one over.  But now it feels so in flux. 

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

I like how someone said to make a temporary office thing I can wheel in and out.  That said, since we are doing so much traveling I should probably just wait. By the time I figure out something temporary we will be leaving for Africa and then it is a race until June and by then I should know what middle one is doing. 

Why is a temporary solution so difficult to figure out that you can't do it before you go to Africa? Move the most important of your stuff in tonight and it's done. 

This whole thread feels to me like you are looking for reasons to self-sabotage your needs. It's seems full of perceived obstacles that make it impossible for you to have a room, as if deep down you don't believe you deserve a space of your own. Everyone's wants seem to come before.

Just do it.

 

Edited January 3, 2023 by regentrude

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 6:21 PM, regentrude said:

nm

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

nm

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[KungFuPanda]

What would happen if you moved dds stuff into the smallest kid bedroom, put both of your sons in the largest kid bedroom, and made the middle-sized one your office. Then everyone has a dedicated place to sleep when they visit. How often are the all three there?

So your playroom is more like a regular family room? I was picturing it as a 5th bedroom clustered with the other bedrooms. 

[happi duck]

The bedroom nook seems large enough to rework as an "office"

[TexasProud]

On 1/2/2023 at 8:04 PM, KungFuPanda said:

nm

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, the playroom is our family room. It is where we watch tv, sit and read by the fire and just generally hang out. 

So what purpose does the living room fulfill? Could that be split between the dining room and the playroom? 

[TexasProud]

On 1/3/2023 at 7:34 AM, regentrude said:

 

 

 

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[regentrude]

6 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Not sure what you are asking. The only purpose now is when we have company that is where we visit.  

 

I am asking whether the current functions if the living room can be relegated to the dining and playroom to free up another room that could potentially be your office. Keeping a room unused except for when you have company while you don't have a workspace seems like a waste to me.

[TexasProud]

On 1/3/2023 at 9:03 AM, regentrude said:

 

nm

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[happi duck]

Does your dh still need a study?  Can he take the bedroom nook with modifications if needed?  Then you take the study?

Sounds like you have more stuff and a greater need for a door.

 

[Starr]

It sounds like you have already gone through your options and change isn't working for you right now. I would relax and use what you have to the fullest. 

[Melissa Louise]

My workspace is a yoga mat on my bedroom floor, with my computer on a small low folding table.

I've never been so grateful to have so few choices about where I work! It removes all procrastination around doing the work. 

You sound paralyzed by choice. I suggest just working at the dining table, and getting in the habit of tidying it up at the end of each day. 

[Melissa Louise]

Noise cancelling headphones might help too. 

[TexasProud]

On 1/3/2023 at 10:35 AM, happi duck said:

nm

 

 

Edited January 5, 2023 by TexasProud

[TexasProud]

12 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

My workspace is a yoga mat on my bedroom floor, with my computer on a small low folding table.

I've never been so grateful to have so few choices about where I work! It removes all procrastination around doing the work. 

You sound paralyzed by choice. I suggest just working at the dining table, and getting in the habit of tidying it up at the end of each day. 

Paralyzed by choice is definitely true.  However, I do not procrastinate.  I get the work done, or if I don't the fact that I don't have a dedicated space isn't the reason. The chairs at the dining table are hard wood chairs and not comfortable for me long-term.  That is why I want my office to have a desk, but also a comfy chair to sit and work on computer, read, etc. 

[Hannah]

On 1/3/2023 at 2:41 AM, TexasProud said:

So here is the nook in my bedroom with the books in the small bookshelf

This looks like a big enough space for a desk and a larger bookshelf? You could make a basket you need with items for your quiet time to do that elsewhere, but leave the majority of work books and supplies here?

[pinball]

You have a beautiful home and so many choices yet you seem unwilling to compromise on any one factor. Even joking about building a cabin in the woods points to your desire for the perfect spot.

Looking for perfection is holding you back.

The cabin in the woods would fall short, too.

pick the spot that hits the most important needs and settle in.

I can’t imagine needing 2 to 3 hours of quiet time, either. That seems excessive. Maybe streamline your routine and what you think of quiet time and when and where it needs to be done.

Edited January 4, 2023 by pinball
Typos

[TexasProud]

3 hours ago, pinball said:

 

 

3 hours ago, Hannah said:

This looks like a big enough space for a desk and a larger bookshelf? You could make a basket you need with items for your quiet time to do that elsewhere, but leave the majority of work books and supplies here?

Yes, my husband thinks that the bedroom corner is a good place.  The issue is that I get up 3-4 am.  He gets up at 5 or later. He said he wouldn't care if I turned on the light to work, but that corner is on his side of the bed.. I mean right in front of me.  The other thing is, I already have trouble sleeping and experts say you should make your bedroom a place of rest. Plus, hubby will come in and out to change clothes, use the restroom, take a shower, etc. 

Ok, I don't need 2-3 hours of quiet time.  That isn't it exactly.  For whatever reason the first three hours of the day I am most productive for writing. I cannot tell you how many times in seminary I would get to 4 or 5pm and wanted to get a project finished.  I learned that 3 hours of work in the evening will take me 30 minutes at 5am.  I just think much better.  

The Bible reading, prayer/meditation, reading classic, and poem will take me 30 minutes or so. But then I work on a blog post, or write a devotion, or whatever. When my husband is here, we often go walking starting somewhere between  6:30-8am ( depends on whether it is July or January).  When we leave, I normally don't get much substantive writing done when we get back home.  I can edit a post or research a post, but writing, no.

And it is getting in the groove. As you can probably tell, my mind goes a million miles an hour and has tons of interests. I am easily distracted. That said, if I am really engaged like making a podcast or a video, creating a lesson when I was teaching, or writing, sometimes 3 hours can go by without my knowing where the time goes. When I get interrupted, I cannot get the flow back. It is also why I struggle when husband is here and I know we are doing certain things, so I only have 30 minutes...  I normally choose to clean something or just waste time.  I cannot get in the flow and get any substantive work done in 30 minutes.  By the time I get my head where it needs to be, yeah, just isn't there. And I get super irritated when I get interrupted in the flow. 

I think I might get the rolling cart, but even if I do not, I will do my quiet time in the morning in my son's room.  I will get my daughter's cat and cuddle in there.  Then when I come out, I will do the rest of my work... not sure. By Martin Luther King day at the latest, everything should be cleared out of middle son's room, so I will probably camp out in there since I can close the door. The rolling desk I found is under 100 bucks. However, we have 4 1/2 months until my son graduates, and we will be traveling 6-7 weeks of that time. So not sure if I want to buy it or just figure out some other way to work in there. If middle son is not coming home after graduation, then I will make it my home office and buy really good workspace furniture.

 

 

Edited January 4, 2023 by TexasProud

[happi duck]

3 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, he uses it a lot.  He is chairman of an orthopedic council for a nonprofit based in Africa.  Then he is president of our small non-profit with work in Honduras. He has A LOT of Zoom meetings. His medical books are in there that he still uses as well as his own collection of Bibles, devotional reading, etc. Everyday he uses his Bible and Logos and studies some part of scripture.  He also is studying Spanish every day. He also practices his guitar, which is in this room as well. Our filing cabinet with bills, investments, etc is in there. Though I do the bills/budget, he handles all of the investment stuff .  It is well used in his "retirement."

None of this screams that it must be done behind a closed door.  You seem to have more need for privacy and gear storage.  

[theelfqueen]

As a Mental exercise. Pretend you have NOT lived in this house for 20 years or whatever... pretend you are MOVING into this house. Make a list of what dedicated spaces your CURRENT life requires (a study for DH, a room for child 1 who partially lives with you, etc) if you were just moving in how would you use this space? Would DH's study he BEST served in its current space or would you do something different if you were starting over? 

It looks to me like you don't eat in your dining room. Can that space be emptied and reclaimed?