Thanks

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[prairiewindmomma]

https://www.tile.com/how-it-works

[Drama Llama]

. . .

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[KSera]

The Eufy one does that, I believe: https://us.eufy.com/products/t87b0011

[Drama Llama]

. . .

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Spryte]

We have the Find My feature set up on our parents’ phones to notify us if they leave their nursing home. Would that help?

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Clarita]

If he has ever had access to your phone he can also set it up so he can track you via phone. 

[fairfarmhand]

5 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I am not looking to buy.  My DH knew something I didn’t expect or want him to know yesterday and I am trying to figure out how he might have known.

😳 oh dear

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I am pretty sure the tracker was attached to my nephew, not to me.  He doesn’t have a phone.

Oof. That makes it even worse.

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

7 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

Well no.  I think his mother is probably the one who placed it, and shared the information, which I guess she has the right to do?  

There are a lot of trackers that you can give kids(watches or something in their bag) with fence technology, which will alert if they leave a certain area. We had one for my son before we moved that would send an alert to my phone if he left a prescribed radius that we’d set to several blocks(he loved to ride his bike around town but since he was 10 we wanted him to stay in a three block radius of our home). That one clipped to his pants or there was a way to attach it to his bike.  The technology is called geofencing and there are many small devices with it designed for kids. 

Edited November 26, 2022 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Lecka]

I get targeted ads for AngelSense — it is a gps tracker and it also receives voices — it lets you listen to what is going on wherever your child is.  
 

Maybe this is a stupid question — but if it’s somewhere your nephew was, maybe he told his mom and she told your husband?

 

But at the same time I’ve heard of concerning things with people putting trackers on other people’s cars, and it’s not illegal everywhere since it’s still new.  

[Lecka]

I just thought about this another minute — I think you should consult a lawyer.  

 

It sounds like it’s at a legal advice level.  

 

Edit:  however he found out it comes across like it’s creepy — if it doesn’t seem creepy, threatening, harassing in the way it actually happened — I would think it was not necessary.  Edit:  might not be necessary… but really it does sound worth consulting a lawyer. 

 

Edited November 26, 2022 by Lecka

[Clarita]

45 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I am pretty sure the tracker was attached to my nephew, not to me.  He doesn’t have a phone.

I mean track you via your phone. He does not need to have a phone to do that. I haven't looked at doing things for nefarious reasons but I have a home automation thing set up and it knows where my phone is.

[Lecka]

I am remembering previous things with him, I think he sounds like he is at-risk for tracking you in some way.  
 

And a separate issue is — it might not be okay for him to have let you know he knows you did something, that you didn’t want him to know you did.  That sounds like it’s probably not okay.  

[Drama Llama]

. . . .

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Spryte]

21 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

No, he’s 16 months old.  They knew right away.  

Yikes. I would probably not feel comfortable with taking nephew to do things, with the (lack of) trust. But also understand that you love your nephew and want to do it.

I think there are a lot of devices nephew could have had attached to his stuff.

[Jaybee]

2 minutes ago, Spryte said:

Yikes. I would probably not feel comfortable with taking nephew to do things, with the (lack of) trust. But also understand that you love your nephew and want to do it.

Same

[YaelAldrich]

I just read this thread and I thought how sad. But I just thought, why would you SIL put this on your nephew? Does she not trust you? If not, why is she letting you take him? Is she working with your STBX?  So confused. 

[Clarita]

29 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

No, he’s 16 months old.  They knew right away.  

Wow, your situation is on a whole other level. Especially with respect to the other people who seem to be enabling DH. 

I mean I see why people put trackers on their children's stuff. I would see no reason to tell someone's husband what that tracker tracked, even in a normal husband and wife situation. 

[Annie G]

Some people do put trackers on their little kids in case they get lost or snatched.  Are you thinking she shared the info with your dh? sure, she has the right to monitor her own kid’s whereabouts but not cool for her to share that with him. I’d boldly tell her that.  Or rather, I’d ask why she shared the info, and see what she says. 

[Melissa in Australia]

Could your phone be bugged? 

 

We had a time many years ago when DH was on workcover and our phone was bugged. Our neighbour was also paid to spy on us. He told us afterwards cause he had such a bothered conscious. That was before mobile phones. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I’m confused as to why a 16 month old’s mother wouldn’t know where he is even without a tracking device. 

[lauraw4321]

4 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I’m confused as to why a 16 month old’s mother wouldn’t know where he is even without a tracking device. 

I’m also confused. 

[Lecka]

This sounds like a bizarre situation and my thought is — people are messing with you.  

 

I think this is the answer is many situations that sound bizarre/nonsensical/unlikely/strange.  
 

They ARE all these things, but somebody is choosing to act in these ways, to mess with someone.  

[Not_a_Number]

53 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

I’m also confused. 

Me too. 😕 

[Heartstrings]

If you have an apple iPhone it can tell you if an air tag is near by.  I’m not sure how, you’d need to Google that. 

[Not_a_Number]

Gosh, you know things are bad if you're worrying about someone putting a tracker on a toddler 😕 . This is one of those "I didn't want this timeline" kinds of situations.

I'm sorry, @Baseballandhockey. I hope this situation resolves into something more tolerable, and soon. I'm sure you've been running on fumes for far too long. 

[KSera]

I think it's become semi-mainstream for parents to put trackers on their little kids--I see it mostly with younger/newer parents who only have little kids. There are various types of wearables to put a tracker in. I think the thought is in case a kid gets lost or taken (though if taken, I think the wearables are too noticeable to work well for that).

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I’m confused as to why a 16 month old’s mother wouldn’t know where he is even without a tracking device. 

Same here.

There are too many details missing from this story for me to have any opinion one way or the other about it. 

[Catwoman]

4 hours ago, Baseballandhockey said:

I am not looking to buy.  My DH knew something I didn’t expect or want him to know yesterday and I am trying to figure out how he might have known.

Did you take the baby someplace you weren't supposed to have taken him, and your SIL found out and got upset about it?

If that's the case, I can't say I would really blame her for being angry, even without any of the bad blood that's already between you. She has a right to know where her baby is. (I think the tracker thing is kind of odd, though, but perhaps it was inside the diaper bag or something? If it was attached to the baby, wouldn't you have seen it?)

My biggest issue here is that I'm wondering why you would be taking your SIL's baby someplace without either parent, knowing that SIL is always trying to set you up and make you look bad, so she can gossip about you to your DH and tell him how stupid and incompetent and untrustworthy you are. The woman absolutely has it in for you, and if I were in your shoes, I would never want to be alone with her children. 

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I’m confused as to why a 16 month old’s mother wouldn’t know where he is even without a tracking device. 

I assume because another trusted adult was caring for the child and not (knowingly) reporting minute to minute location details.

At times when my mom was watching one of my toddlers, I certainly did not expect her to get my pre-approval of their every move. I fully expected that they would walk to the park, go to the grocery store, stop at the post office, etc.

I guess it would have been within my rights to put a tracker on my child, but it would also be very weird to then interrogate my mom, or allow someone else to interrogate her, about an innocuous choice like taking the toddler to a library or something...which is, I'm betting, closer to BaseballandHockey's situation, rather than, say, being caught taking the child sky diving or to a strip club.

[Not_a_Number]

11 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I assume because another trusted adult was caring for the child and not (knowingly) reporting minute to minute location details.

At times when my mom was watching one of my toddlers, I certainly did not expect her to get my pre-approval of their every move. I fully expected that they would walk to the park, go to the grocery store, stop at the post office, etc.

I guess it would have been within my rights to put a tracker on my child, but it would also be very weird to then interrogate my mom, or allow someone else to interrogate her, about an innocuous choice like taking the toddler to a library or something...which is, I'm betting, closer to BaseballandHockey's situation, rather than, say, being caught taking the child sky diving or to a strip club.

Given how tense this situation is, I would not be taking someone else's kid somewhere where someone isn't supposed to know about it. Not because it's wrong, but because it's imprudent given the state of affairs. 

The protocol for basically friendly situations is very different from what's going on here. 

[wendyroo]

8 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Given how tense this situation is, I would not be taking someone else's kid somewhere where someone isn't supposed to know about it. Not because it's wrong, but because it's imprudent given the state of affairs. 

The protocol for basically friendly situations is very different from what's going on here. 

I'm not commenting on what choices I would necessarily make in these situations. Not having been in this type of situation, I could not possibly know for sure what I would or would not do.

However, I was simply answering the (somewhat ridiculous, I feel) question of why a 16 month old's mother would not know where he was. I mean, in the greater scheme of things, I always knew where my toddlers were, but sometimes it was as vague as "in the care of Nana and Papa, probably in the general vicinity of their house, but possibly an hour away at their cottage if they wanted or needed to go there". And then there was the even more frequent case of me not knowing exactly where my kids were because they were with their father...clearly not the case in the original post, but another very common scenario of a mother not knowing the whereabouts of her toddler. I certainly did not grill DH when he left the house with the children as to which exact gas station or hardware store he was going to. So I would have been surprised, though certainly not upset, if I later learned they made unplanned stops while out.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, wendyroo said:

I'm not commenting on what choices I would necessarily make in these situations. Not having been in this type of situation, I could not possibly know for sure what I would or would not do.

However, I was simply answering the (somewhat ridiculous, I feel) question of why a 16 month old's mother would not know where he was. I mean, in the greater scheme of things, I always knew where my toddlers were, but sometimes it was as vague as "in the care of Nana and Papa, probably in the general vicinity of their house, but possibly an hour away at their cottage if they wanted or needed to go there". And then there was the even more frequent case of me not knowing exactly where my kids were because they were with their father...clearly not the case in the original post, but another very common scenario of a mother not knowing the whereabouts of her toddler. I certainly did not grill DH when he left the house with the children as to which exact gas station or hardware store he was going to. So I would have been surprised, though certainly not upset, if I later learned they made unplanned stops while out.

Oh, sure. I don't know where precisely my kids are at all times. When I entrust them to other adults, I (obviously) don't track them. 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Not_a_Number]

Ugh. I have to admit, I'd bow out of helping with the kids of a person who doesn't have goodwill towards me. Not because I was feeling spiteful, but because it would set me up for all sorts of situations. 

[Harriet Vane]

One thing I can promise you--

No, this was not a coincidence. 

It's quite possible there are bugs or cameras or any number of things planted in your fil's house. It's also completely possible there was something on the baby. It's not an either-or situation. It can be any of the above.

The degree of paranoia, malicious behavior, and controlling behavior exhibited by both sil and by your husband is concerning, as is the fact that they have been triangulating together for quite some time.

I would strongly advise you never, ever to be alone with sil's kids, nor to let your children be alone with them. It is simply not safe for you or for them.

Edited November 27, 2022 by Harriet Vane

[fairfarmhand]

This is very disturbing. I have no advice but you are not crazy to be bothered by this. 

[Heartstrings]

Trying to think through this…if she was tracking just the baby she would know when the babies location changed, but not the why or with who.  Did she maybe see that the baby was unexpectedly at the park and call your FIL, who told her you took the baby to the park, then she called your DH to rat you out?    Does she have access to FILs ring camera/whatever and saw that you left with the baby alone through that, then proceeded to track the baby through an air tag in the diaper bag liner?

 How did you find out about either of them knowing? There might be clues there.  
 

Have you checked your car for tags or other devices?  Is your phone sharing location data that your not aware of?

 

Her immediately calling your DH to advertise that you were alone is odd. Tracking the baby is odd.  Finding out where you were and with who is odd.  This all adds up to creepy.   Can you find a local PI and maybe have them look at everything for how you can be better hidden?  They would know how to track someone and could reverse engineer that to help you beat the tracking and maybe give you some pointers.   

 

 

Edited November 27, 2022 by Heartstrings

[Not_a_Number]

Have you tried talking to your FIL about this? 

[lauraw4321]

Please don’t put yourself in that situation again. Driving her child somewhere given the family anxiety about driving? Being alone with her child? You must protect yourself and your kids. FIL can set his own boundaries. 

[Terabith]

34 minutes ago, Not_a_Number said:

Ugh. I have to admit, I'd bow out of helping with the kids of a person who doesn't have goodwill towards me. Not because I was feeling spiteful, but because it would set me up for all sorts of situations. 

I think it's more complicated than that.  @Baseballandhockey has received a lot of support from family for her children in their time of need.  She probably feels like she needs to be there for SIL's children in their time of need.  And father in law having custody of four children, including a 16 month old, every weekend, with far flung activities to get to, and his own father who is 92, I think, is a lot.  Not to mention that father in law is doing a lot of care for her husband.  I would have a hard time walking away from children that I loved in that situation, too, even though all things being equal, being alone with SIL's kids might not be the best choice.  It might be the best choice in this situation.

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, Terabith said:

I think it's more complicated than that.  @Baseballandhockey has received a lot of support from family for her children in their time of need.  She probably feels like she needs to be there for SIL's children in their time of need.  And father in law having custody of four children, including a 16 month old, every weekend, with far flung activities to get to, and his own father who is 92, I think, is a lot.  Not to mention that father in law is doing a lot of care for her husband.  I would have a hard time walking away from children that I loved in that situation, too, even though all things being equal, being alone with SIL's kids might not be the best choice.  It might be the best choice in this situation.

At some point, self-preservation ought to be the law. If she MUST help, she should NOT do it alone without FIL there. 

[Not_a_Number]

This is giving me all sorts of bad feelings in the pit of my stomach 😕 . 

You and your DH go to couples counseling, right? I know you've so far been focusing on the kids in there, but I wonder if there's anything you can do in there to convince him that his sister is not actually on his side and you are. Because the situation where he thinks she is and that she's HELPING him is bad. Bad for you, bad for him, bad for the kids. 

Note that this doesn't even require him believing that you'll stay with him. Merely that you want good things for him and she doesn't really. 

[fraidycat]

16 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I think it's more complicated than that.  @Baseballandhockey has received a lot of support from family for her children in their time of need.  She probably feels like she needs to be there for SIL's children in their time of need.  And father in law having custody of four children, including a 16 month old, every weekend, with far flung activities to get to, and his own father who is 92, I think, is a lot.  Not to mention that father in law is doing a lot of care for her husband.  I would have a hard time walking away from children that I loved in that situation, too, even though all things being equal, being alone with SIL's kids might not be the best choice.  It might be the best choice in this situation.

I think I've missed a major piece of the puzzle here - do the SIL and her DH not have custody of their own kids? If not, is tracking even legal for her to do?

All that aside, it is my opinion that BB&H really needs to look out for #1 (and her own kids) first and foremost. This is a messy situation that has the potential to be disastrous. Polite and compliance with visitation agreement is all that is required. Friendly and helpful puts her in a very vulnerable spot.

[KSera]

44 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

Does she have access to FILs ring camera/whatever and saw that you left with the baby alone

This is a very smart thought. That could explain it without a tracker even being involved, right? (do we know that they knew where you were, or just that you were no longer at the house?)

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited November 29, 2022 by Baseballandhockey