Please help me think this through

[saraha]

I have two children and one niece who left home for the first time to go to college last week. I want to send them occasional encouraging texts, but want to word them in a way that doesn’t add pressure, if you know what I mean. 
  Several years ago I started a similar thread for my nephew but I can’t find it and I am even more nervous now about how encouragement reads as he went away to school, lasted one year, came home and never did anything ever again. I have no idea what happened, but he has held one job his mom got for him for a little while as a janitor but is now unemployed and is doing a lot of babysitting for my mil while fil gets things done. I really hope that whatever he went through was not exasperated by my steady stream of encouragement, if you know what I mean.

  So, what can I say in texts to these kids that is encouraging without adding pressure? 

[Harriet Vane]

I usually send something like: 

How's it going? Love ya bunches!

 

I might add--You're always in my fondest prayers.

 

I appreciate the power of emoticons as well--I might send a smiley or a heart alone, or with a short "Love ya!"

[happi duck]

I agree with "love ya" and would add just "thinking of you"

Something that doesn't need a reply and doesn't run the risk of being rah-rah at a bad time.

 

 

[Bambam]

Maybe not as encouraging, but whenever I see an article/meme/whatever that I think will amuse or interest them, I will send that. I personally think it is encouraging that someone thought to share something appropriate (but not over share!) with you. 

[catz]

I am sure you had nothing to do with your nephew not being successful in college as a young person.  SO many kids drop out.  The 5 year graduation rate is something like 60%.  Honestly, he sounds like a kid that could possibly use an evaulation if he also can't hold a job.  Hope his parents are working with him.  

I have a student at college.  He is a senior this year.  When I was thinking of him a lot of times I would text him photos or a link of something funny, that he might find of interest or of our cats.  Or I might say "hey, I'm going to be sending out X because I"m thinking of you."  "How was your math test?  I'm cheering for you!"  My college student would have not liked anything sappy or OTT.  He did text us back quite a bit those early days.  Now he's really busy and we don't hear from him quite as much. We usually skype once a week and it's fun to hear his adventures.   I do still usually text him something 2-3X a week even if I don't hear back right away.  

[lauraw4321]

My go to form of communication with the teenagers in my life is tiktok videos.

[BusyMom5]

Funny pictures and anecdotes from home!

And I'm sure you had nothing to do with your nephew not going back.  

[gardenmom5]

Thinking of you

memes

inspirational quotes

[HomeAgain]

I err on the absurd.  I'd probably send a targeted Yogi Berra-ism every so often.  Enough to make them think about the intentional and then giggle at the ridiculousness of it:

"Life advice: when you come to a fork in the road, take it!  Love you!"

"Always remember, you can observe a lot by watching!  Have a great day!"

 

[marbel]

First, you are not responsible for your nephew's situation.

My kids are close in age and went away to college at the same  time. We have a family text group - their dad and I  use it most, as you might expect. We send stuff we all like: dog videos (other animals too), memes, photos we take when out walking - an interesting plant, a nice view, etc. I follow a lot of nature and history sites on Instagram and will send them screenshots or links to stuff I know will interest them. I would send individual texts asking how they are doing, telling them I'm praying for them before a test or whatever (if I ever knew about it) but mostly we keep it light and fun. I have never been one for inspirational material; to me so much of it sounds like empty platitudes - that is just me, probably the result of my own upbringing, and I'm sure many people like and find such things helpful. 

They are out of college now but we still communicate that way a lot, even though up till last week we all lived together.  

This really is a matter of personal and family communication styles.  

[Jaybee]

You certainly aren't responsible for your nephew's situation. For me, texts can be something that particular person will find funny or interesting, thinking of you texts, now and then a "this song is so beautiful and I needed it today!" Occasional texts/photos of what we are doing/eating/making, or some anecdote of something funny that happened to us personally. For the most part, I try to keep texts lighthearted; mostly it is just a way to connect, to let them know I am thinking of them, even if I don't say that. I usually only send thinking of you texts if I know they are going through something specific, and that's also the occasional time when I send something like "how'd your test go today?" if I know they were worried about it. It's when I seriously start trying to move from feeling responsible for their problems and seeing them through them, to being the occasional encouraging voice and support from afar. I don't want them to feel all alone, but I do want them to be moving steadily into adulthood. For some kids, there are jumps  and starts back and forth rather than a smooth transition, but I try to keep in mind the end goals.

[Beth S]

I send a morning text to my college kids about once or twice a week.
I think the *frequency* is the issue---not "too" often.

Also, you'll likely find that one of the three really enjoys your exchanges, and the other 2 never reply.
That's OK. 

Also, some people tend to be responders . . . while others intend to reply, but never actually reply.

Great idea.
I also send photos of random things happening around the house, to help them remember home fondly.

[Jaybee]

27 minutes ago, Beth S said:

I send a morning text to my college kids about once or twice a week.
I think the *frequency* is the issue---not "too" often.

Yes, don't overdo it. The longer they are away and more they become involved in campus activities, the less they will/should rely on encouragement from home. This is as it should be. Leaving space in there, of course, for the occasional lapses and crises (at least in their eyes) that are bound to come up, or times when they might ask for guidance in something (may or may not happen).

[Starr]

Sending pictures of their pets was always a win.

[Hyacinth]

buitengebieden

A couple times a week I share a video with my young adults from the Twitter account Buitengebieden. It’s mostly cute animals or kids doing cute or amazing things. I send them with a short “Good morning” or “Love you” message.

 

[ktgrok]

Memes! Memes are always appreciated, and keep it casual while letting them know you are thinking of them. 

[Kassia]

2 hours ago, Starr said:

Sending pictures of their pets was always a win.

Same!  

[Scarlett]

28 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

Memes! Memes are always appreciated, and keep it casual while letting them know you are thinking of them. 

This is what I do with my prickly niece.  I have to word things so carefully even to say hi to her. For instance I said, Hello long time no talk to.

She replied, ‘yes I haven’t heard from you in a while.’  I ignored the defensiveness……and just tried to chat.She is 34, so not a teen but sometimes a  little emotionally immature and well…prickly.   Usually a funny meme will get a laugh at least.,