Housekeeping advice

[lauraw4321]

Well y’all helped me a lot. I tackled the coffee table. I first estimated that it would take me 45 minutes. It didn’t. In 15 minutes I put everything up in a reasonable place (Ie not moving the mess somewhere else), found there WAS space on a kid’s bookshelf (their room is SO BAD that I try not to look / notice anything), culled a pile of board books (my youngest is 7.5) AND found 2 library books.

My goal for this week is just going to be keeping that table clean. Thank you for all of the advice and encouragement. Really!  

[Scarlett]

7 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Well y’all helped me a lot. I tackled the coffee table. I first estimated that it would take me 45 minutes. It didn’t. In 15 minutes I put everything up in a reasonable place (Ie not moving the mess somewhere else), found there WAS space on a kid’s bookshelf (their room is SO BAD that I try not to look / notice anything), culled a pile of board books (my youngest is 7.5) AND found 2 library books.

My goal for this week is just going to be keeping that table clean. Thank you for all of the advice and encouragement. Really!  

Great job!  This is sort of the premise of Flylady.....just start small and work on developing that habit.  I am working full time now....first time since before ds21 was born.  It is tough.  I have some decent habits though, so I have kept those up and tried to learn new ways of fitting everything in.  I clean in small spurts now instead of a big day. 

Right now, my dusting needs done, my floors need swept and mopped.  Those are the things I hate doing and I find difficult to fit in.

Crazy side question.....do you know who the manufacturer of that table is? 

[Harriet Vane]

YAY!!! You go, girl!

I struggle too. I have found that it's fatal to keep a donate pile somewhere. I always feel like I have to accumulate a Really Good Pile before donating. That pile just becomes reabsorbed by the house. Instead, I've learned to bag it and get it in the car that very day. My dh will do a donation run any time I ask no matter how small the load, or often it's no biggie to donate when I am out for something else. 

Same with my list of Nifty Organizational Stuff To Buy. I fall in a trap of thinking it's not worth a trip to Walmart or The Container Store until I've got a real handle on aaaaaalllllll the bins I need. That's a dead end. Just do it as you go. It really is okay to pick up a bin or a box or two for just this one bunch of stuff. 

[PeterPan]

11 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Well y’all helped me a lot. I tackled the coffee table. I first estimated that it would take me 45 minutes. It didn’t. In 15 minutes I put everything up in a reasonable place (Ie not moving the mess somewhere else), found there WAS space on a kid’s bookshelf (their room is SO BAD that I try not to look / notice anything), culled a pile of board books (my youngest is 7.5) AND found 2 library books.

My goal for this week is just going to be keeping that table clean. Thank you for all of the advice and encouragement. Really!  

This is so good!!! But why are you keeping it if it collects clutter? Get rid of it and end that work. 

You're right that time estimates are such a big deal. This is true of the dishwasher and other tasks too. We THINK it will take a long time and talk ourselves out of it, when really if we'd spend 5 minutes a few times we'd get it done. In fact, a dw is 2 minutes, lol. So see, you LEARNED something here! That's what I was telling you, that every time you try you LEARN and you'll learn how and grow more confident.

I keep library books in a laundry basket. Or two, lol. But seriously, they're cheap, sturdy, and then you know where the library books are. Library books only go back there, not all over. If you have to, fine people. You can put the basket in the most common place to use the books, sure! In the living room is fine!! But they have to go back in there so they don't skitter and cost you.

https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/liatorp-side-table-white-glass-40173065/  Something skinny like this could go between your two recliners. I just picked up a vintage table like this (square with a glass top) on Craigslist. Try vintage shops or craigslist if you're looking for a different price. You'll probably find something because it's a pretty common size, probably in the $20-75 range. That would be the landing spot for your cups and it's glass so you don't need to fiddle with cupholders even. (one messy to another here, lol) And if you need cupholders, IKEA has those too on the cheap. 

[lauraw4321]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Great job!  This is sort of the premise of Flylady.....just start small and work on developing that habit.  I am working full time now....first time since before ds21 was born.  It is tough.  I have some decent habits though, so I have kept those up and tried to learn new ways of fitting everything in.  I clean in small spurts now instead of a big day. 

Right now, my dusting needs done, my floors need swept and mopped.  Those are the things I hate doing and I find difficult to fit in.

Crazy side question.....do you know who the manufacturer of that table is? 

My grandfather made it. It’s a one of a kind. Sorry!

[PeterPan]

4 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Same with my list of Nifty Organizational Stuff To Buy. I fall in a trap of thinking it's not worth a trip to Walmart or The Container Store until I've got a real handle on aaaaaalllllll the bins I need.

Oh that's interesting. I've so become a fan of amazon for this. Now I also like dollar tree for bins, but amazon really pulls through. They have really interesting pieces and they just APPEAR on your doorstep. Love that part. I shipped like 20 boxes to my dad's new place that way. The assisted living was so freaked out, hahaha. 

[lauraw4321]

Just now, PeterPan said:

This is so good!!! But why are you keeping it if it collects clutter? Get rid of it and end that work. 

You're right that time estimates are such a big deal. This is true of the dishwasher and other tasks too. We THINK it will take a long time and talk ourselves out of it, when really if we'd spend 5 minutes a few times we'd get it done. In fact, a dw is 2 minutes, lol. So see, you LEARNED something here! That's what I was telling you, that every time you try you LEARN and you'll learn how and grow more confident.

I keep library books in a laundry basket. Or two, lol. But seriously, they're cheap, sturdy, and then you know where the library books are. Library books only go back there, not all over. If you have to, fine people. You can put the basket in the most common place to use the books, sure! In the living room is fine!! But they have to go back in there so they don't skitter and cost you.

https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/liatorp-side-table-white-glass-40173065/  Something skinny like this could go between your two recliners. I just picked up a vintage table like this (square with a glass top) on Craigslist. Try vintage shops or craigslist if you're looking for a different price. You'll probably find something because it's a pretty common size, probably in the $20-75 range. That would be the landing spot for your cups and it's glass so you don't need to fiddle with cupholders even. (one messy to another here, lol) And if you need cupholders, IKEA has those too on the cheap. 

I answered why I’m keeping it in Scarlet’s post. My grandfather made it out of a rare kind of wood, wormwood I think it’s called. I can’t get rid of it. 

[Amy in NH]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

I think sometimes what people miss about Flylady is *why* she got into the pickle. She didn't feel well, was struggling with depression, I think maybe had thyroid problems. So she calls it messy house syndrome, but it's because the messy house was the symptom, not really the problem. Your house is *hygienic* and your family seem *happy* but still you are feeling overwhelmed. 

The FIRST thing to do to get your house in order is to take care of yourself. Always, always, always. Like for me, it means keeping my anxiety under control.

[SNIP]

For me, clutter and mess affects my mental health and makes me feel anxious and muddled.  I NEED to have the house picked up in order to function well.  We have been DIY construction on a major chunk of our main living space (kitchen + dining room = half the downstairs) for two years, and for most of that time what little kitchen we were able to keep usable was IN the living room.  Stuff got piled up in big heaps in my office, and I really stuck to my bedroom for three years.  It took me a long time to hoe out my office, and even longer to start feeling motivated to do anything that needed doing.  I(t) was a mess. 

 

I agree with getting rid of the coffee table and any other not necessary horizontal surfaces.  We haven't had a coffee table for 20 years because it only collects clutter. 

EDIT: I see now that you cannot part with the coffee table.  Hmm.  I'd find a way to repurpose it so that it isn't so likely to be used as a drop point. 

Edited June 21, 2021 by Amy in NH

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, lauraw4321 said:

My grandfather made it. It’s a one of a kind. Sorry!

Oh dear. Could you put it in your school room? Do you have a school room or office where you do together work? I've always wanted a low table for a school room and that would be so wonderful. It can be sentimental but repurposed, kwim? Maybe there are some more ways. Like add a pedestal underneath and raise it up to *bar* height to make a very fashionable table to put in your kitchen.

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, lauraw4321 said:

I answered why I’m keeping it in Scarlet’s post. My grandfather made it out of a rare kind of wood, wormwood I think it’s called. I can’t get rid of it. 

Oh I totally agree! But repurpose or reimagine it. It doesn't have to stay right there as a coffee table.

[PeterPan]

Think about the mental health of that. We ALL have stuff from our past that bogs us down. Could be bad, could be GOOD. It's part of that learning curve where you realize they didn't want their stuff to be a burden on you, that you can get hold of it, that you're allowed to update, reimagine, modify, or even maybe share with another family member. 

Am I seeing paint on it? So even though it's cool wood, if you could make it *taller* it might be just as nice used as a table with a cloth on it. Kwim?

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by PeterPan

[fairfarmhand]

24 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Well y’all helped me a lot. I tackled the coffee table. I first estimated that it would take me 45 minutes. It didn’t. In 15 minutes I put everything up in a reasonable place (Ie not moving the mess somewhere else), found there WAS space on a kid’s bookshelf (their room is SO BAD that I try not to look / notice anything), culled a pile of board books (my youngest is 7.5) AND found 2 library books.

My goal for this week is just going to be keeping that table clean. Thank you for all of the advice and encouragement. Really!  

I’m impressed that you timed it. Timing things is one of my mental tricks to get myself moving. I know that it takes 7 minutes to unload my dishwasher. So I tell myself rather than procrastinating for 30 to just take 7 minutes and DO IT.

You will be surprised at the major progress you can make in just half an hour.

[HomeAgain]

I'm going to guess that @lauraw4321's family is like mine.  Horizontal surfaces are not the problem.  The problem is that without significant habit training, EVERY surface, no matter what it is, will collect clutter!  It doesn't matter.  I'm looking at the 11yo on the couch right now.  He has managed to take up 3 cushions  while curled into a ball.  His memorization cards are on one with his current reading book, a stack of junky books are on another cushion, there are Magic cards being sorted into a pile, the socks he just took off, and a mask he took out of his pocket.

He's going to clean it up, but hot darn, I can't get rid of every surface because he likes to sprawl his things.  He's just going to have to clean it up when he moves to something else.

[PeterPan]

Ok, I'm not seeing your whole living room layout, but the other thing you might do is think about the room as a whole. If you put the wormwood table in the corner, it could make a lovely reading/audiobook/play station. They could do games, build models, whatever they like to do there. But it would have a defined use and a defined set of objects that land there. 

For me, I find that definition helps. Like legos on a run for legos. Then I know if it's not legos, it doesn't below there. 

It would at least trim down the categories of things, making it faster to clean up. Might be very charming.

[Scarlett]

7 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

I’m impressed that you timed it. Timing things is one of my mental tricks to get myself moving. I know that it takes 7 minutes to unload my dishwasher. So I tell myself rather than procrastinating for 30 to just take 7 minutes and DO IT.

You will be surprised at the major progress you can make in just half an hour.

Same here.  I unload the dishwasher while the coffee makes if I failed to turn the timer on and have the coffee already made. I also do it on my lunch hour a lot.  

[saraha]

Right now, because the entire week has been overly busy, every flat place in my house is covered. I started on one kitchen counter only to turn around and find the stuff I just handed off to a kid sitting on the coffee table 🙄they just don’t see the urgency I do!

[Amy in NH]

For kids' rooms: up until ~age 13, I would go through the kids' stuff and pull out all of the stuff I knew for a fact they weren't using anymore - like board books, there's a good chance that kid probably has outgrown toys in their space.  So - that's round one.  Mom decides to either toss it, store it, or donate it - and then do that immediately. 

When it comes to the more recent (past couple of years) stuff, I would have the kid sit there on the bed and we'd talk over each item - reminisce about memories, and discuss whether it was likely to be used.  It's possible the kid might know they won't use it, but aren't ready to give it up either, in which case we could display it on a top shelf or hanging from the ceiling, or put it in a box in storage so they could get it out whenever they felt the desire and they knew it wasn't gone. 

When the room is to a manageable tidying level, I'd require that they put things where they belong every night before bed because we've had experiences with kids getting sick over the side of their bed in the middle of the night, and it is an unholy mess to clean up everything that had been on the floor too. 

After a certain point, the kids are old enough to go through their own stuff and cull without being asked, although I would prompt and offer support if it didn't happen and obviously needed to be done.

[lauraw4321]

I like all of the ideas about the table, but they are overwhelming to me. Yes, it has paint and sticker residue on it from babysitters letting the kids do stuff in it they shouldn’t have. I hope to have it refinished when the kids are all enough that I trust it won’t be destroyed again. Our kitchen table is currently the lego / craft table. We eat in the dining room and my husband uses one end of that table for a home office. My home office is the front (formal) living room, which has the piano and some other random furniture. Maybe once I feel like I’ve made some progress and established some good habits I’ll send pictures of everything and get rearranging / decorating advice. 

[lauraw4321]

8 minutes ago, saraha said:

Right now, because the entire week has been overly busy, every flat place in my house is covered. I started on one kitchen counter only to turn around and find the stuff I just handed off to a kid sitting on the coffee table 🙄they just don’t see the urgency I do!

This happens here all the time. Moving things from one surface to another. 

[Spryte]

We get a lot of mileage out of what we call the Ten Minute Tidy.  Once you have decluttered some of the living space, it will inevitably accumulate piles again.  I periodically announce a Ten Minute Tidy.  That’s when kids and I turn on some loud music and all take ten minutes to put things away.  We have an open living space, so I’ll generally load the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen, kids run around putting away anything in the living room and and clearing off the table in the breakfast nook (where art supplies tend to congregate).  If there’s anything in the foyer or needing to go up or down stairs, DS delivers those items to the proper rooms.  It’s fast and ten minutes is a short enough time that it doesn’t feel like much.  We do this a few times a week.

ETA:  There’s no real “cleaning” during this time, just putting things where they belong.  And to start with, I’d work right alongside the kids.  It’s only now that we all know the drill that I do dishes or something sort of separate.  

Edited June 21, 2021 by Spryte

[regentrude]

Great job on the timing. Seeing how little time individual household tasks take makes it easier to use the time confetti, i.e. the spare few minutes between major things.

[saraha]

6 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Great job on the timing. Seeing how little time individual household tasks take makes it easier to use the time confetti, i.e. the spare few minutes between major things.

Yes! Time confetti! I’m trying to get better at this.

[saraha]

You know, I’ve tried watching the YouTube people, but honestly feel like, at my age I should have my stuff under control, and that makes watching someone younger than me telling me what a great job she is doing tough to swallow. Pride I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️
the other weird thing is that I work in an older gentleman’s house and manage to get his stuff done in a timely manner, but can’t manage my own very well. I guess if I were the only one home and someone was paying me/holding me accountable I would do a better job?

 

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, saraha said:

You know, I’ve tried watching the YouTube people, but honestly feel like, at my age I should have my stuff under control, and that makes watching someone younger than me telling me what a great job she is doing tough to swallow. Pride I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️
the other weird thing is that I work in an older gentleman’s house and manage to get his stuff done in a timely manner, but can’t manage my own very well. I guess if I were the only one home and someone was paying me/holding me accountable I would do a better job?

 

Oh it is totally different in your own house.  Too easy to get side tracked by your family or other chores that need done.  

[SKL]

I tend to get on a roll and keep rolling until an area is noticeably better, then try to keep it that way.  Even a small area being completely cleaned can feel like a load off one's shoulders, and motivate one to do more.

Take an inventory of your stuff, area by area.  This will help you to reduce clutter by (a) not re-buying stuff you already have, (b) getting rid of duplicates you didn't know you had (as well as expired/unneeded stuff), and (c) actually using and then disposing of what you forgot you had.

For me, though, the best motivation to clean is to invite someone to stay over.  😛

[PeterPan]

25 minutes ago, saraha said:

watching someone younger than me telling me what a great job she is doing tough to swallow.

Amen! And someone who has been doing it like 2 months who is suddenly an EXPERT. Oh my. Like sister, we've been doing this house thing 20 some years around here.

I think that's where I loved Flylady. She said it was ok to say you're fat and tired and be honest, lol. 

[PeterPan]

18 minutes ago, SKL said:

For me, though, the best motivation to clean is to invite someone to stay over.  😛

Covid so totally messed this up!! Like seriously, I'll bet that is actually what's up with a lot of us. I usually have 1-2 things at my house a year plus small things like out of town relatives coming over. That really does prompt you. 

The bummer is it takes me a month to clean my house top to bottom for that, and I don't have the energy/gump right now. And I don't see any events happening so I haven't told myself to make it happen.

I think what I really need to do is move in an RV. 

[marbel]

28 minutes ago, SKL said:

<snip>

For me, though, the best motivation to clean is to invite someone to stay over.  😛

Same for me. But I found this conditioned my children to believe it was not important to clean up the house unless there was someone coming over. I had to work hard to undo that thinking - to instill the notion that it is good to keep the house nice just for us. 

Not related to the quoted post - upthread someone mentioned "paid good money for this" and "I might need this someday" as reasons not to get rid of stuff. I deal with both of those a lot. My rejoinder to the first is 'what is bad money and how would that make a difference?' It seriously baffles me how the cost of something I don't need or want makes it necessary to keep. And I know many of us deal with the boxes of computer cables that may be needed just in case, even though surely some buried in the bottom of the box are outdated. But in general for "might need someday" items - that is the perfect use for lidded, stacking bins that can be kept in an out of the way storage area (if there is one).  Dating when the box was last opened can be helpful too, though for diehards it may not matter if the items have not been needed for 5 years... there's still time!  

Another one is "I could sell this."  OK, then sell it now, today, list it wherever, deal with the negotiating, shipping, whatever. If it's so important to get money for it, let's get the money. Not sold in a week, 2 weeks, a month, whatever - time to donate. 

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, marbel said:

Same for me. But I found this conditioned my children to believe it was not important to clean up the house unless there was someone coming over. I had to work hard to undo that thinking - to instill the notion that it is good to keep the house nice just for us. 

Not related to the quoted post - upthread someone mentioned "paid good money for this" and "I might need this someday" as reasons not to get rid of stuff. I deal with both of those a lot. My rejoinder to the first is 'what is bad money and how would that make a difference?' It seriously baffles me how the cost of something I don't need or want makes it necessary to keep. And I know many of us deal with the boxes of computer cables that may be needed just in case, even though surely some buried in the bottom of the box are outdated. But in general for "might need someday" items - that is the perfect use for lidded, stacking bins that can be kept in an out of the way storage area (if there is one).  Dating when the box was last opened can be helpful too, though for diehards it may not matter if the items have not been needed for 5 years... there's still time!  

Another one is "I could sell this."  OK, then sell it now, today, list it wherever, deal with the negotiating, shipping, whatever. If it's so important to get money for it, let's get the money. Not sold in a week, 2 weeks, a month, whatever - time to donate. 

With the "paid good money" mindset, I think of it like this:

Say I paid $50 for a set of homeschooling curriculum that I used for my kids. I use it for 3 kids and then I'm done. I got my $50 out of that. So if I sell it, donate it or set it on fire, that $50 is already GONE and the product was used for its intended purpose. So why allow it to make my house messy because "I paid good money for it."? It was used, the money is gone, let's move on and make a decision about what to do to make it go away. 

It's a bit harder for something that I bought and it didn't work out. Say a sweater that I paid $25 for that was so itchy that I couldn't wear. It made me unhappy to wear it. Why should I continue to allow it to make me unhappy by cluttering up my house. Whether I wear it or not, the money is GONE and seeing the sweater just irritates me that the sweater was a waste of money. Let's donate it and resolve to shop more carefully in the future. 

As for "might need it someday."

For many of us, the might need it someday items are jumbled into a messy container. If you can't find it, or it takes you more than 10 minutes to find it, you may as well not have it. And for many older electronic things, you can order the item for less than $20 off ebay or amazon. But there's a limit to "might need it someday" things that we can keep. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm very good at running a household like a well oiled machine. I can't run a cluttered household well.  Clutter interferes with psychological bandwidth and clutter is physically impossible to keep clean and organized.  If you want to solve that problem, you'll have to address it at the root.

Good Youtube resources include:

The Minimal Mom

I'm not suggesting you become a Minimalist, but learning to think like one will help you make decisions when you're stuck and answer any anxious questions you have about how you could possibly function without items.  Once you know it's possible to thrive without them, you can confidently go either way on keeping them or not instead of keeping them by default out of fear. Fear/anxiety decision making is usually the worst way to go about deciding anything.  Minimalist thinking will give you some strategies for keeping things from piling back up again.

Dawn is a good resource because it teaches foundational concepts. (Be forewarned that it's a very chit-chatty delivery of information.)  Understanding the concept of inventory is key, and that's where she starts. After that, you decide how much inventory you want in your life and why. She covers putting items in "quarantine" if you think want to get rid of it but aren't sure and  putting a deadline date on something you're unsure about. 

Clutterbug

After you've decluttered, it's critical to understand organizational personalities of each person in the household.  It's is a super chattery, saccharine style delivery, but the content is essential for long term success, so I recommend it anyway. Clutterbug has a video on the 4 organizational styles and how they interact with each other in a house.  She has another video on how to organize a bathroom closet with the same items according to each style. 

Konmari Method

Mari Kondo is the Japanese lady with Netflix series who uses the "spark joy" approach. This is more an intuitive, emotional response to and consideration of objects because objects do have an effect on us whether we're conscious of it or not.  It's important to note that not everyone would translate the word "joy." I'm not temperamentally inclined to what the typical Westerner would label "joy" when it comes to objects, but I don't let that deter me from using her method as the final round on those few items I struggle to decide on.  I would translate it, "resonate with" but whatever.

[regentrude]

56 minutes ago, SKL said:

For me, though, the best motivation to clean is to invite someone to stay over.  😛

Absolutely. 

We used to have 20+ people over every other week, have a few dinner parties each month, a huge summer party... we used to joke that frequent parties keep the house clean. Now with Covid, I could see my countertops collecting clutter

[Alicia64]

19 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Absolutely. 

We used to have 20+ people over every other week, have a few dinner parties each month, a huge summer party... we used to joke that frequent parties keep the house clean. Now with Covid, I could see my countertops collecting clutter

I wish I had this superpower, Regentrude!! I'm an introvert who likes to pretend that I'm an extrovert, but really I'm not. I envy people who are so good at having dinner parties and summer parties.

It is an amazing skill.

[Anne Elliot]

So I think I would focus on keeping the bathrooms and kitchen (and coffee table, good job!) decluttered first. When I first started working on this, I put big cardboard boxes in the bedrooms so people's stuff could be returned there without my having to come up with a permanent solution. It also helped others to see just how much stuff they actually had.  

I also regularly scheduled a pick up for donations. Sure, I may have been up the night before bagging things to donate. But I got rid of stuff. Slowly but surely.

[lauraw4321]

I like the idea of boxes to put people's stuff in, but there are already boxes in each kid's room with stuff.  There's boxes in the living room with stuff. Boxes on the stairs with stuff.  You get the idea. I need less stuff.

I'm focusing on kitchen, coffee table for right now. 

[marbel]

34 minutes ago, Alicia64 said:

I wish I had this superpower, Regentrude!! I'm an introvert who likes to pretend that I'm an extrovert, but really I'm not. I envy people who are so good at having dinner parties and summer parties.

It is an amazing skill.

As a shy introvert, I actually love being the host. That way I can slip away to the kitchen from time to time when I need to escape the people.  Can't really do that as a guest.

Last night we had our first gathering since Covid. I had never met any of the guests before - they were part of a group my husband does volunteer work with; they had all only met online.  I was so excited yet nervous. The public rooms got cleaned up OK but our family room is a mess now with the overflow (my kids home from college have not yet found places for all their stuff, especially the art student! Though I like having the easel in the living room.)  But we hung out in the backyard anyway. After hour 3 I found lots of reasons to go into the house for more forks, to put away food, etc. At around hour 4.5 everyone was gone and I felt a mixture of relief and joy that we did it!  We had company and I survived! And am ready to do it again!

[PeterPan]

5 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

I'm focusing on kitchen, coffee table for right now.

One thing that works for me with my dining table (usually, haha) is to put a table runner on it. So if you're going to keep the coffee table as a coffee table, then what you might do is buy a large doily on amazon and then put a Big Thing smack in the middle. So basically end it as available for clutter. Big decor item, a low vase with flowers, a potted plant, whatever you want. Not multiple things because then clutter can hide. Just one Thing that takes up a good chunk of the space. Then only tiny things like a coffee mug will have room.

[PeterPan]

https://www.amazon.com/Damanni-Handmade-Crochet-Tablecloth-Doilies/dp/B07Q5R3JWC/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=36"+round+doily&qid=1624301262&sr=8-2  Here, something like this. It's ~35" and only $17. I've ordered a couple crocheted doilies like this from amazon and they're ok. Not saying they're super heirlooms, but they're fine and great for the price. They have tons of them, so you're sure to find a size and pattern to suit.

https://www.amazon.com/Dahlia-Studios-Phalaenopsis-Orchid-Ceramic/dp/B00YC3Z2Q8/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=large+flower+arrangement&qid=1624301347&sr=8-6  A Big Thing to stick in the middle. You could find something else you like, but again you could make this happen on amazon without even leaving your house. Anything you liked would work (statue, I don't know).

https://www.tidbits-cami.com/round-coffee-table/  Oh look, this is a lot like yours and they did just that, with a Big Thing in the middle. Target has cute modern looking urns and terrific fake greenery btw. I got this one for a space I was spiffing up and it's lovely. https://www.target.com/p/11-34-x-8-34-crock-stoneware-vase-beige-threshold-8482-designed-with-studio-mcgee/-/A-80372316#lnk=sametab  I used it with some of their long flowing greens, so pretty.

Edited June 21, 2021 by PeterPan

[marbel]

6 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

 

https://www.tidbits-cami.com/round-coffee-table/  Oh look, this is a lot like yours and they did just that, with a Big Thing in the middle. Target has cute modern looking urns and terrific fake greenery btw.

I think the stacks of books looks great. I have never minded having neatly-stacked books on tables, on the floor... on an extra hard chair (not in an easy chair).  

[Drama Llama]

13 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

https://www.amazon.com/Damanni-Handmade-Crochet-Tablecloth-Doilies/dp/B07Q5R3JWC/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=36"+round+doily&qid=1624301262&sr=8-2  Here, something like this. It's ~35" and only $17. I've ordered a couple crocheted doilies like this from amazon and they're ok. Not saying they're super heirlooms, but they're fine and great for the price. They have tons of them, so you're sure to find a size and pattern to suit.

https://www.amazon.com/Dahlia-Studios-Phalaenopsis-Orchid-Ceramic/dp/B00YC3Z2Q8/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=large+flower+arrangement&qid=1624301347&sr=8-6  A Big Thing to stick in the middle. You could find something else you like, but again you could make this happen on amazon without even leaving your house. Anything you liked would work (statue, I don't know).

https://www.tidbits-cami.com/round-coffee-table/  Oh look, this is a lot like yours and they did just that, with a Big Thing in the middle. Target has cute modern looking urns and terrific fake greenery btw. I got this one for a space I was spiffing up and it's lovely. https://www.target.com/p/11-34-x-8-34-crock-stoneware-vase-beige-threshold-8482-designed-with-studio-mcgee/-/A-80372316#lnk=sametab  I used it with some of their long flowing greens, so pretty.

I am clearly sort of minimalist* based on this thread.  But the idea that you should go buy clutter as a solution to the clutter problem is making me scratch my head.  

I'm not saying that those aren't nice things, or that you can't have a beautiful home with those things in it, but I don't understand how they're a solution to clutter.  

ETA:  I'm not philosophically a minimalist.  I don't think other people should or shouldn't be that way.  I just get the heebie jeebies from too much stuff, because I am lousy at organization.  So, I get overwhelmed and throw it away. 

Edited June 21, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[marbel]

10 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I am clearly sort of minimalist* based on this thread.  But the idea that you should go buy clutter as a solution to the clutter problem is making me scratch my head.  

I'm not saying that those aren't nice things, or that you can't have a beautiful home with those things in it, but I don't understand how they're a solution to clutter.  

ETA:  I'm not philosophically a minimalist.  I don't think other people should or shouldn't be that way.  I just get the heebie jeebies from too much stuff, because I am lousy at organization.  So, I get overwhelmed and throw it away. 

So it's going to depend on the person's idea of clutter. My idea of an uncluttered area does not mean there's nothing there (others may differ). Lots of random stuff is clutter to me. If putting a pretty and/or useful item or collection of related items on a horizontal surface will keep it from collecting random stuff (as in the photo in the OP), then it is not clutter in the eyes of the person who put it there.  

In my house, a tablecloth will not stop anyone from dumping stuff on a surface. A decorative item, or a nice neat stack of books, might. 

[Drama Llama]

20 minutes ago, marbel said:

So it's going to depend on the person's idea of clutter. My idea of an uncluttered area does not mean there's nothing there (others may differ). Lots of random stuff is clutter to me. If putting a pretty and/or useful item or collection of related items on a horizontal surface will keep it from collecting random stuff (as in the photo in the OP), then it is not clutter in the eyes of the person who put it there.  

In my house, a tablecloth will not stop anyone from dumping stuff on a surface. A decorative item, or a nice neat stack of books, might. 

I'm not saying that if I come to your house, or Peter Pan's and see a lovely plant on an otherwise clear surface, that I'll think "oh, that's cluttered".  I'll think "nice plant".  

I'm just saying that for me, as someone that's overwhelmed easily by stuff, that if I was at the point that @lauraw4321 seems to be at, adding more things, even lovely things, would not be the solution.  That doesn't mean that it wouldn't be for her, just commenting that it wouldn't work for me.  

[Storygirl]

I struggle a lot with clutter, too. I obviously can't see the whole room in your photo, but I would not get rid of the coffee table (I realize that you won't and am just giving you some agreement on that). Buy a plant -- artificial, if you will kill a real one -- and put it on the table. Yes, some things will still collect there, but not as many. Clean the table off religiously once or twice a day and enjoy having that one spot clean. Then move on to another area and improve that.

I'll be honest and say that I try this technique, and still things pile up. And I think that the solution is to not blame myself and not give up, but each time clutter happens, just take a few minutes and deal with it. Instead, I tend to look at it, feel overwhelmed, decide to tackle it later, and let it sit there for weeks. I see a mess and kind of instantly shut down and give up (in my case, I'm certain this is anxiety).

So my advice comes from a place of solidarity. I also need to do better!

One more tip -- don't wait until your kids are older to refinish that table. Celebrate the table that your grandfather made!!!  It's so special. You will be more motivated to keep it tidy, then. And don't allow the kids to use it for crafts or snacks or whatever, any more. Let it be a touchstone for you -- the centerpiece of a new beginning!

 

[historically accurate]

51 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

I am clearly sort of minimalist* based on this thread.  But the idea that you should go buy clutter as a solution to the clutter problem is making me scratch my head.  

I'm not saying that those aren't nice things, or that you can't have a beautiful home with those things in it, but I don't understand how they're a solution to clutter.  

ETA:  I'm not philosophically a minimalist.  I don't think other people should or shouldn't be that way.  I just get the heebie jeebies from too much stuff, because I am lousy at organization.  So, I get overwhelmed and throw it away. 

Yeah, it doesn't work in my house. When I do put something decorative on my coffee table (which I do for Christmas), decorative item then simply gets buried in the mountain of crap that my coffee table collects. So, no putting something there doesn't help keep it clear *for me anyway*. It may totally work for OP. 

[lauraw4321]

I really like the idea of a decorative *thing*, but agree that it will just become another thing that won't stop anything from being added. The table is fine (to my mind) to store summer workbooks and journals the kids have to do daily. In fact, I think it's a pretty good spot for them. It gets used a lot for board games and card games as well (when it's clean enough that we can do that). So I don't want to add anything to it. And NOTHING stops ANYONE from putting ANYTHING on ANYTHING in my house.  My husband STILL routinely puts his very dirty/sweaty socks on the kitchen counter. ::vomit emoji:::

[lauraw4321]

2 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

 

One more tip -- don't wait until your kids are older to refinish that table. Celebrate the table that your grandfather made!!!  It's so special. You will be more motivated to keep it tidy, then. And don't allow the kids to use it for crafts or snacks or whatever, any more. Let it be a touchstone for you -- the centerpiece of a new beginning!

 

Thing is, I did this with another table in the house. Got it re-done to celebrate having kept it cleaned off.  It only took about 1 month for paint to be spilled on it. Then another kid spilled fingernail polish remover on it. Then another kid left a wet towel on it.  You get the idea. My kids are destructive, and I try to value people more than things. While I like the idea, it's just not realistic for my family. 

[Storygirl]

I admit that I will read cleaning and decluttering books and will watch shows, and I will feel inspired but still not do any of the work in my own home, because I find it overwhelming.

But I will mention that the Clutterbug lady has a show on HGTV that is running new episodes now, called Hot Mess House. This is the second season. The first season ran during the time when she couldn't enter anyone's home, due to Covid, so she was giving advice online. Now she is going to people's houses. I will just say that the first episode of the second season is inspiring. If those families could clean up those spaces in their homes, anyone can!!

Sometimes it takes having the support of others. I do better when I have DH help me. I do worse if I were to ask a friend to help me, because I can't chat with a friend and sort things at the same time. There are people who will come into your home and help you declutter and organize.

[fairfarmhand]

7 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

 And NOTHING stops ANYONE from putting ANYTHING on ANYTHING in my house. 

My people are like this too.

[saraha]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

Same for me. But I found this conditioned my children to believe it was not important to clean up the house unless there was someone coming over. I had to work hard to undo that thinking - to instill the notion that it is good to keep the house nice just for us. 

Yup, I didn’t realize it til my older kids were teenagers

[Drama Llama]

49 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

My people are like this too.

Forget my people, I am like this too! 

[Danae]

1 hour ago, lauraw4321 said:

I really like the idea of a decorative *thing*, but agree that it will just become another thing that won't stop anything from being added. The table is fine (to my mind) to store summer workbooks and journals the kids have to do daily. In fact, I think it's a pretty good spot for them. It gets used a lot for board games and card games as well (when it's clean enough that we can do that). So I don't want to add anything to it. And NOTHING stops ANYONE from putting ANYTHING on ANYTHING in my house.  My husband STILL routinely puts his very dirty/sweaty socks on the kitchen counter. ::vomit emoji:::

I totally agree with the bolded.  Putting something on the table to make it unusable turns the table into clutter, whether that’s stuff that should be put away or a plant and a doily.  Table are for using.