VENT (JAWM)

[maize]

Background: dh has multiple disabilities, including significant hearing impairment, vision impairment, chronic fatigue, and chronic mental health struggles. His life is hard every day. He's putting in a heroic effort just to hold down a job and doesn't have much to give at home. 

Unfortunately he is also largely clueless about how much I accommodate him and how much work actually goes into raising a family of seven kids. Yesterday he came upstairs when I was cleaning and pitched in to help for ten or fifteen minutes (something that never happens) I said something later about maybe he could do that more often and he got offended and said he felt like I don't appreciate all the work he does providing for the family and taking care of kids. He has a regular 40 hour per week desk job and watches the kids for maybe 4 hours a week while I take some of them to evening activities and sometimes 3 hours or so on a Saturday when he takes them to a park or museum so I can work on getting the house in order. He spends almost all of the rest of his time in bed while I'm putting in 120 hours every week trying to keep the family functioning and meet the needs of seven kids. There is so much more than I can do and it would be nice if he could at least see everything I am doing and be supportive even if he can't contribute much more than he is. Me feeling overwhelmed and wishing for more support has nothing to do with not appreciating what he does do.

End vent.

 

[PrincessMommy]

I get it.  I'm sorry.  That sounds very hard for you.   hugs.  

[Junie]

(((maize)))

[Kidlit]

Big hugs

[gardenmom5]

hugs.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I'm sorry.  I completely understand your feelings.  Hugs.

[MercyA]

Hugs, maize. ❤️

[HS Mom in NC]

Agreed!

[Innisfree]

Hugs. You're doing well in a very tough spot.

[ScoutTN]

(((Maize)))

[Arctic Bunny]

Awww, just a simple “I wish I could help out more” or something, hey? Hugs, I struggle to keep my head above water with two in PS; I don’t know how you do it!

[Storygirl]

Maize, I've long been impressed with your level headed determination to manage all household tasks plus childcare plus homeschooling a large family while extending grace to your husband. I'm sorry he did not extend the same type of grace toward you. Your feelings are completely understandable, and I'm sorry he doesn't see that.

Proverbs 31:28 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." This is my hope for you. If not now, then one day.

[vonfirmath]

*Hugs*

[Harriet Vane]

Hugs to you. It's hard to be the strong one.

[Ausmumof3]

Hugs.  Hope life gives you a break soon.

[maize]

Thanks guys, it helps just to feel heard sometimes.

[maize]

12 minutes ago, Medicmom2.0 said:

I get it.  DH suffered a shoulder injury several years ago that has left him in severe chronic pain and depression.  He hasn’t slept more than two hours at a time in five years. He’s depressed, and works a lot of hours a week but lies in bed and watches TV when he’s home. I appreciate everything he does for our family. I still feel a little resentful. (For the record, I have Ehlers-Danlos that has left me with a visual impairment, multiple surgeries, and chronic pain as well; and I work a physical job)

I’ve learned to just let go, but it’s not easy.  Are you able to hire a babysitter occasionally even if it’s just so you can take a walk? Ask your husband to just sit and watch a movie in bed with the little kids while you take a hot bath?  Could you hire someone to come in and clean once or twice a month?(This was the best thing i did for us when I finally realized DH wasn’t going to be helping anymore)

I understand he’s doing the best he can, but you need help to, even if it’s from someone else. In the end, we’re all just broken people trying to make it through with a little bit of help.

I do have once a week cleaning help--a friend who has a small cleaning business and is willing to come in and start with basic pick up sort of cleaning which is a huge blessing as most cleaning services want things already picked up and I never do manage that for more than one room at a time!

my 15 year old is my right-hand woman and is a great help; all I have to do to keep her happy is make sure she gets lots of hours at the karate dojo every week 🙂

Some of the younger kids have various struggles of their own (I know your family is no stranger to difficult kids); at least now that spring is here everyone is spending more time outside.

[J-rap]

You are a saint!   Being the rock of the family is very admirable, but I know it can be very difficult and draining.  I'm sure part of you keeps thinking, "Okay, my turn is about done now.  Who's next?"  Are you able to get away with a friend for an afternoon or evening now and then?

[KrissiK]

((Maize)) Hang in there, gal!! It is hard.

[BooksandBoys]

Sending hugs. 

I understand. Yep, I do. It gets hard to be the one accepting and covering for the other’s limitations when they fail to see all the effort you put into accepting and covering for their limitations (and dreaming that someone would come along who would accept and cover for your own limitations. We really need a third adult full time in this house). 

[mominco]

Hugs!