umsami Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 So, without going into a long story, my lawyer and I going ahead with a divorce by default judgement due to my husband leaving the country and refusing to participate in the divorce once served. Although I'm unlikely to get anything, I can basically include what I want in it--should he ever return. What did you include that you were glad you included? What do you wish you had included that you didn't? Merci ❤️ 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Based on my parents' divorce... does he have a responsibility to your children after age 18? (my dad had to pay for 2/3 of my college; if that clause was not in there, I would not have been able to afford it), will you be able to claim on his pension/ retirement, even if he remarries? life insurance on him with your children as beneficiaries. Once again, this is so his own children can benefit from him, even if he remarries and has another family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 21 minutes ago, umsami said: So, without going into a long story, my lawyer and I going ahead with a divorce by default judgement due to my husband leaving the country and refusing to participate in the divorce once served. Although I'm unlikely to get anything, I can basically include what I want in it--should he ever return. What did you include that you were glad you included? What do you wish you had included that you didn't? Merci ❤️ I guess I don’t understand how that works.....and are you talking property and. Hold support only? Because custody and visitation is entirely different. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I would say life insurance with YOU as beneficiary. The money would be needed to raise your kids not sit tied up with lawyers. if you were married 10 years you can collect on his social security when you are retirement age regardless of how many more times he marries. But if he has fled the states that may not amount to much. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) Yes, she can claim on his SS, but what is going to happen to any other retirement accounts or pension benefits should be spelled out. Umsami, I am so sorry that you have to wade through all of this. Hugs to you and your family. Edited February 19, 2019 by Zoo Keeper 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Own life insurance on him yourself. Make sure child support is through the college years. Also define who pays for college and to what extent. Clear real estate and financial titles 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 6 minutes ago, Zoo Keeper said: Yes, she can claim on his SS, but what is going to happen to any other retirement accounts or pension benefits should be spelled out. Umsami, I sorry that you have to wade through all of this. Hugs to you and your family. Oh I see. Yes, that was a standard division of assets in my divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 19, 2019 Author Share Posted February 19, 2019 42 minutes ago, Margaret in CO said: Another one--that the spouse has to agree to signing the FAFSA. I'm watching a cousin whose kid may have to leave school because of fin aid they can't access because of dead-beat dad. Something about how he cannot take the kids out of the States. Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I have no wisdom, but I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbcdeDooDah Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, umsami said: Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? My husband has never signed a FAFSA and only one parent needs an FSA ID. https://fafsa.ed.gov/help/achk06hlp.htm Edited February 19, 2019 by AbcdeDooDah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 5 minutes ago, AbcdeDooDah said: My husband has never signed a FAFSA and only one parent needs an FSA ID. https://fafsa.ed.gov/help/achk06hlp.htm But colleges want financial information from both parents. I'm not sure what happens in cases of abandonment? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I’m going to PM you tonight. Ping me if I forget 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 30 minutes ago, maize said: But colleges want financial information from both parents. I'm not sure what happens in cases of abandonment? We had to fill out a form for FASFA describing the abandonment and a form for the university for university aid. I promise, there are almost always ways to deal with unusual circumstances so your kids aren’t disadvantaged. And I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this, umsami. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMS83 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 ::hugs:: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I'm sorry - I hope you get what you need for your children. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 3 hours ago, umsami said: Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? Not sure about there, but here there's a difference between custody and parental responsibility. You need him to have neither. I have neither, which means my ex does not require my signature for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 4 hours ago, umsami said: Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? Sorry you are dealing with this. I recently went through a divorce and my ex is now in prison for life. If you have sole custody he should not be able to get the kids out of the country....but is there a chance he might try to take one or more kids out of the country without/against your will? If so, I would see if there was anyway to flag their passports to let them know this is a concern. Agreeing that you need full legal and physical custody of the kids. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 I asked to be the beneficiary of his life insurance policy. I got 1/2 of his retirement accounts, the house in full, and sole legal and physical custody of the kids. I could not ask for alimony as he is heading to federal prison for the rest of his life. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) On 2/19/2019 at 11:12 AM, umsami said: Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? M Edited March 3, 2019 by Frances 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 7 hours ago, maize said: But colleges want financial information from both parents. I'm not sure what happens in cases of abandonment? The rules vary depending on the exact situation. But for divorce where the student lives with the custodial parent, the other parent’s financial info is not required for the FAFSA. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 I think you want to have the ability to take the kids out of the country without his permission as well. I know there's a way to do that because I knew someone who went through a legal process to do it. The father of her kids, who had never been involved in their lives past their very early youth, wasn't in touch with them at all. She had to do something in order to get the kids passports when they were a little older. I agree about asking the lawyer about how the FAFSA will work to be sure. I'm also sorry you're dealing with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 18 hours ago, umsami said: Not sure how that will work. He's refusing to communicate at all. If I have sole custody, do I still need his signature? I did not need anything but the official date of my divorce for the FAFSA. I've never needed to include him. 17 hours ago, AbcdeDooDah said: My husband has never signed a FAFSA and only one parent needs an FSA ID. https://fafsa.ed.gov/help/achk06hlp.htm Ditto. 17 hours ago, maize said: But colleges want financial information from both parents. I'm not sure what happens in cases of abandonment? Mine did not. It might play into me having sole custody (not sure they even know that I have sole custody), but they've never asked for documentation about his dad. I file taxes as head of household. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 My ex was not in a position to provide financial help or any of his agreed 50% medical and educational needs. My lawyer allowed me to set the child support amount, me knowing he would never pay. I picked an amount that was reasonable to our lifestyle, thinking perhaps he'd get his life together. Sure enough, after 4.5 years, he's paid one month of support. He technically owes me thousands, but he's still not in a position to pay, not even sure he has life insurance. All that to say, I wish I'd set the child support amount at $1 a month, really I do. It's a bit spiteful, but that's about how accountable he is to his own son. He thinks taking him to the grocery store every six months or so is helping out. I would include things for the protection of the children and their housing. Mine are in my divorce decree, but ex upholds none of it because of his own situation. I also wanted to be done with him, so I don't legally push it. We spent most of our married years fighting over/for money, I didn't want to do that anymore and I have way more stability now than I ever did with him. I had my own safety net with my parents, so that helped. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted February 20, 2019 Share Posted February 20, 2019 In cases of divorce, only one set of parents needs to do the FAFSA. Dh and I use our information for dd's FAFSA. We don't have to provide anything for her dad and his wife. We had joint physical and legal custody. Unfortunately I don't really have any suggestions. We had splitting costs for college in our agreement but he tried to say she had to go to CC rather than to a 4 year despite the fact that CC didn't have anything in her intended major. We ended up "winning" that one but it took $$$ for lawyers. I don't know how asking for full legal and physical custody works if he never signs. Does that mean you are never officially divorced? Or after a certain amount of time, does the agreement as written become valid? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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