At what age do you allow boys to ....

[Ann.without.an.e]

Go into a public restroom alone?

Go into the men's locker room at the YMCA alone?

 

I always struggle with the right time for these things. What does the HIVE think?

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Attolia said:

Go into a public restroom alone?

Go into the men's locker room at the YMCA alone?

 

I always struggle with the right time for these things. What does the HIVE think?

Depends on the business, the city, the location etc.  I think by 9 I was letting my ds go in all public restrooms alone.  I may or may not have yelled into the door if I feared he was taking too long. Or ask a man going in to check on him.  Lol....those things are only slightly better than him having to go in the women’s with me.  

 

[Bluegoat]

Ds8 was pretty determined b 6 that he was not going to come into the toilet with me.  I don't think there has been any place I've not let him go in.  With a changing room, it would mostly be a matter of whether or not I thought he could get himself changed and find his way out.  I didn't have to take him in with me past the age that's allowed, which is usually 7 here, but we don't go to many changing rooms as I hate pool swimming.

[wendyroo]

If the venue is familiar to my child and the restroom is relatively small (only one entrance/exit) and not overly busy, then I will let my 5 year olds go in by themselves with me waiting near the door.  Before that they are just not 100% bathroom independent and not quite tall enough to handle most faucets/soap/dryers.

Wendy

[JustEm]

Generally 5, but there are a few places I won't allow it. If a restroom has 2 exits on opposite walls I won't let them go that young. Or if we are at a rest stop in the middle of the night.  At a rest stop all kids have to go in with an adult so if there are no make adults traveling with us my boys are coming in with me, unless their are single bathrooms.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I let mine go into the bathrooms of most places by 8, but what about a men's locker room at a large ymca with multiple entrances/exits?  They have good family locker rooms and I am thinking he (at 9) should be with me there?  

[Bluegoat]

15 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I let mine go into the bathrooms of most places by 8, but what about a men's locker room at a large ymca with multiple entrances/exits?  They have good family locker rooms and I am thinking he (at 9) should be with me there?  

 

A family room would be fine, but I'd let him go in the mens as long as he can manage his clothes and such.  The chances of someone running off with him are pretty miniscule.  Unless you think he might get lost?  Even that is usually fxable though.

[Pawz4me]

It's been awhile, but I think it was around 6 for public restrooms. We never belonged to a Y or anything like that, so no real life experience, but I feel pretty sure I would have felt comfortable allowing mine to go alone well before 9 in such a situation. Honestly, I think if I hadn't felt comfortable by that age then I probably wouldn't have felt comfortable with the facility in general. But if there are family rooms available then I'd use those unless your DS is becoming uncomfortable with that situation. I mean -- why not? That's exactly what they're for.

[vonfirmath]

53 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

If the venue is familiar to my child and the restroom is relatively small (only one entrance/exit) and not overly busy, then I will let my 5 year olds go in by themselves with me waiting near the door.  Before that they are just not 100% bathroom independent and not quite tall enough to handle most faucets/soap/dryers.

Wendy

 

My daughter is age 7 and just now able to handle the faucet, soap, dryers on her own.

I am comfortable this year (age 11) letting my son go in restrooms by himself. But I'll still yell in the door if its been a while to make sure he's okay.  I was not at all comfortable at age 9. At age 10 I wasn't comfortable but also was not comfortable with him in the women's restroom so started doing it anyway.

 

[Arcadia]

The YMCA we go to has individual changing rooms at the indoor pool so they go to those after swimming lessons.

DS13 doesn’t like all public restrooms because they do stink. Sometimes even the ladies restroom stink. If he needs to go then he goes to the family restroom at Target or Starbucks which is single cubicle. He is tall for age all along so he went alone when he was eight.

DS12 would only use the ones at the library or school/community college or Barnes & Noble alone. Those aren’t as smelly as fast food restaurants restrooms. My husband went with him until he was probably ten because he is small for age and feels everyone is towering over him.

For a large YMCA locker room with multiple exits, both my kids had gotten lost in similar locker rooms at amusement parks. To them it’s like a maze. They went together so they got lost together which wasn’t so bad but they went to almost all the exits. In your case, I would just take my kids to the family room because even my husband gets disoriented with multiple exits so he would get lost too. 

[wendyroo]

9 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I let mine go into the bathrooms of most places by 8, but what about a men's locker room at a large ymca with multiple entrances/exits?  They have good family locker rooms and I am thinking he (at 9) should be with me there?  

I would have no problem letting my 9 year old go into a large YMCA locker room by himself if that is what he wanted to do, assuming it was not too, too busy or deserted.  I think safety lies in always having several adults in there at any given time, but not so many that my DS would be unnoticed in the anonymous shuffle.

We would, of course, discuss expectations ahead of time: what he should do, what he should avoid, how to handle emergencies, landmarks to use to find his way out the correct door, etc.  Really, we start discussing those things with the kids when they are preschoolers, so by the time they are 9 they are well equipped to handle some independence in the relative safety of a fairly secure public locker room.

Wendy

[vonfirmath]

26 minutes ago, Attolia said:

I let mine go into the bathrooms of most places by 8, but what about a men's locker room at a large ymca with multiple entrances/exits?  They have good family locker rooms and I am thinking he (at 9) should be with me there?  

 

At the YMCA< when my husband was not along, we used a family changing room and faced away from each other while dressed.

 

[gardenmom5]

I have three boys - depends upon their age, depends upon the place.   depends if they have a unisex facility available.

dudeling would go into the locker room at our local swim club . . . . and not come out.   a worker went in after him for me to try to hurry him up,  . . . and he lied about his name.  (not unusual at the time.)

I finally  said "enough", and he got to go home wrapped in a terry cloth robe and towel.  I made him shower at home.

[theelfqueen]

Our local YMCA does not allow children in the adult changing/locker rooms.  (I think there is an exception for under 2?) 

There are several family changing rooms. And there are youth rooms for 5-16? I think that's the range. 

I assume children under youth locker room age are expected to use family changing rooms.

[Tess in the Burbs]

go with your gut.  

Our Ymca had an age 4+ had to be in specific dressing room.  I got away bringing ds in with me a few times after swimming saying his clothes were in my bag, but many times he had to go in the men's alone.  He came out many times upset saying there were groups of naked men in there!  The other option was to ask to change in the employee's locker closet.  no bathroom/shower, just enough space to stand.  I hated the arrangement, so did DS. I often stood just outside the door watching people go in and out and my kid in there forever and my mind going crazy wondering what was happening.  

 Years later, another YMCA...same situation.  He had to go into that bathroom and again, said multiple naked men just sitting around talking.  He was uncomfortable about changing in there and eventually opted to ride home wet.  

We tried Target bathroom when he was 8, but he was in there so long I finally had to ask men to stop going in so I could go investigate.  Apparently my son was holding the door open for everyone he never went bathroom!  But again, I was nervous and he wasn't ready to just go in, do his thing, and get out.  

So consider the kid and maturity and understanding what he needs to do, and trust how you feel about it.  Some will be ready long before others.  

[wendyroo]

17 minutes ago, theelfqueen said:

Our local YMCA does not allow children in the adult changing/locker rooms.  (I think there is an exception for under 2?) 

There are several family changing rooms. And there are youth rooms for 5-16? I think that's the range. 

I assume children under youth locker room age are expected to use family changing rooms.

At our YMCA, children of the opposite sex are not allowed in men's or women's locker rooms.  So a mother cannot take a little boy (even toddler aged) into the women's locker room, but she can take little girls in with her, and older girls can go in themselves.

The family locker room is very large and convenient, so most parents automatically go there even if they only have same sex children with them.  I wanted my boys to start practicing independence, though, so when they were 6-7 I started having them come into the family locker room with me, but change independently in their own stall/room while I dealt with the littles (assuming, of course, that there were plenty of rooms available). 

Last year, when he was 8, Peter started asking if he could change in the men's room instead of the family locker room.  I felt he was well prepared, that any risk was very small, and that it was important to let him challenge himself and practice growing independence, so I said yes on a trial basis.  He has done very well...I mean he dawdles and gets distracted, and almost always has to be sent back in to gather forgotten items, but I see those as normal growing pains and important learning opportunities.

Wendy

[lulalu]

My 6 year old uses bathrooms alone. Although sometimes he can't reach sink, soap, towels or get the door. I usually am right outside waiting for him unless I know the place and know he can do it. 

This past summer for swimming he had to do the locker room alone. It was horrible! Not ready for that yet! 

[HomeAgain]

When they feel they are ready/have shown themselves to be capable.  We do a lot of standing outside the door and shouting a conversation back and forth during the transition time.

[Rachel]

2 hours ago, Attolia said:

I let mine go into the bathrooms of most places by 8, but what about a men's locker room at a large ymca with multiple entrances/exits?  They have good family locker rooms and I am thinking he (at 9) should be with me there?  

The two Ys local to me require kids 7 and older to use the locker room for their sex. Those are technically family lockers as dads can take their daughters into the men’s and vice versa. There is a special needs locker for those older needing special assistance and there are 19+ locker rooms for both men and women.

What does your son prefer? By age 9 mine did not want to be in the women’s locker room where he might potentially see girls his age. He has always been very modest though. My 8 year old girl probably wouldn’t care if she were in the men’s room with my husband and saw boys her age. 

[Rachel]

One thing I learned through summer swim team, if it goes into the locker room with my son, there is a good chance it won’t come back out. I send him with as little as possible!

[lailasmum]

9 but my son is on the tiny side and had a habit of getting trapped behind the double doors they often have until he grew a bit.

[lulalu]

23 minutes ago, Rachel said:

One thing I learned through summer swim team, if it goes into the locker room with my son, there is a good chance it won’t come back out. I send him with as little as possible!

Oh yes! For some reason my boy just cannot remember stuff!

[Condessa]

I wonder about this, too.  I will check a single restroom to make sure no one’s inside and then let my six-year-old go in alone, but I’m not sure when I will be okay with letting him use a shared men’s restroom alone.

When I was thirteen and just becoming really aware of current events, a nine-year-old boy was murdered in my town in a men’s restroom at the beach while his grandmother waited outside the door.  He was just the same age as my little brother.  I know what a freak incident that was and that kids are not generally in danger using public restrooms, but it still affects my decision making in this.

[Katy]

When they are ready, want to, and seem not only responsible enough to, but assertive enough they would yell/scream if they felt something inappropriate was going on.  It depends much more on the individual than an age.

[PeterPan]

Our Y restricts adult locker rooms to adults and has family baths and unisex baths for boys too old for the girls who are not ready to use the boys locker room independently. In public (mall, airport, etc.) I gauge by perceived safety. Ds is 10 and now I just have to be very cautious. He'll usually just go in and come out, but that doesn't mean he's able to handle a challenge or a problem situation. His ability to self-advocate or respond appropriately to a predator is low. I think know your own child and go with your gut.

[Rachel]

56 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Our Y restricts adult locker rooms to adults and has family baths and unisex baths for boys too old for the girls who are not ready to use the boys locker room independently. In public (mall, airport, etc.) I gauge by perceived safety. Ds is 10 and now I just have to be very cautious. He'll usually just go in and come out, but that doesn't mean he's able to handle a challenge or a problem situation. His ability to self-advocate or respond appropriately to a predator is low. I think know your own child and go with your gut.

Yes! 

[MEmama]

Mine was 4, I think. It was at a very large, urban zoo. After several minutes, I did ask a dad who was leaving if he'd seen my little guy and was he ok? The dad assured me DS was washing his hands very diligently. :)