To all you people with 8th graders (or there abouts)...

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Great post Nan- I get so tired of people thinking an 8th grader should be a 12th!

[Brindee]

Thanks for bumping this Polly, I missed it the first time around!

 

Thanks Nan, great post!

[Evergreen State Sue]

A thank you from this mom of two in the middle school years. One of them has learning challenges so is hard to know what is "normal". Thank you, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

[TFJ]

BUMP! :001_smile: Such an important reminder needs to be read regularly! Love all the feedback on this, too.

 

TFJ ~ doing 7th grade again with my youngest!

[SS in MD]

Nan,

 

Thanks so much for the post. Our oldest dd is in 8th this year --- sort of the scary, unkown for us - thanks for the reminder that its' OK if she doesn't *know* it all in 8th! and she does have 4 years to work at it! LOL!! I needed the re-assurance and reminder!!

[Nicoleab2]

Nan, this was very encouraging! I have an 8th gr ds and this really helps take off the pressure from me and him. Let him write, learn and act as an 8th grader! I really needed this reminder! :) Embrace them where they are and have expectations that are age appropriate. Thanks for sharing from your experiences!

[Shelly in IL]

I needed it today!

[jpklehm]

I just had to bump this back up so others could read it. Nan's post is so touching and really made me sit back and think about how I interact with my ds who is 13. Just because he's taller than his dad and wears size 11 shoes doesn't mean he is an adult. He's just trying really hard to figure it all out and I need to remember that.

 

So I put this back at the top so hopefully more people will get a chance to read a timely and moving post. :)

 

Thanks again, Nan!

[Rhonda in TX]

I just had to bump this back up so others could read it. Nan's post is so touching and really made me sit back and think about how I interact with my ds who is 13. Just because he's taller than his dad and wears size 11 shoes doesn't mean he is an adult. He's just trying really hard to figure it all out and I need to remember that.

 

So I put this back at the top so hopefully more people will get a chance to read a timely and moving post. :)

 

Thanks again, Nan!

 

Thanks for bumping this up. I really needed to see it. I get soooo frustrated with my DS and I need to relax a bit. I need to remember that this is a process and he will get there.

[onaclairadeluna]

And talk to them, lots. And listen to them, really listen, to the new person they are becoming, not just the old one they were. And mourn the child that is disappearing, because they are, too. And help them to look forward to the nice adult things, like being able to drive and being able to get together with friends more easily. And remember that they are still young.

 

Oh my goodness thanks for bumping this fabulous post. This last bit made me cry a little.

[Jane in NC]

Just a reminder that if you click on the tag "nan's words of wisdom", you will find many interesting threads. A good way to start the school year!

 

Jane (who expects her dear friend Nan to return to the boards soon following her summer break)

[onaclairadeluna]

Just a reminder that if you click on the tag "nan's words of wisdom", you will find many interesting threads. A good way to start the school year!

 

Jane (who expects her dear friend Nan to return to the boards soon following her summer break)

 

Ooh thanks!

:auto:

[1Togo]

nm

Edited August 19, 2011 by 1Togo

[Colleen in NS]

Just a reminder that if you click on the tag "nan's words of wisdom", you will find many interesting threads. A good way to start the school year!

 

:iagree::iagree: I miss Nan! But I'll bet she's having fun sailing.

 

Loved seeing this thread again - thanks to jpklehm for bumping it up again! I've got a 13yo upcoming 8th grader.

 

Nan is a gem here.

[elegantlion]

We started today. Yesterday ds was recalling a trip we made to WDW when he was almost 4. Today we're getting ready to break out A Rulebook for Arguments. :sniff: Timely post. We had a few unexpected smiles today and it was almost two hours before he said he was hungry. Lunch is now over, we're back to it.

[Colleen in NS]

Today we're getting ready to break out A Rulebook for Arguments.

 

Total sidetrack, but I'd love to hear later how this goes for you! I have this book, and may start it in a year.

[Tullia]

Hoping she's having a wonderful time, though!--Martha

[74Heaven]

I don't know. Mine have had to write at least 6 5 paragraph essays starting in 7th grade. Intro paragraph, 3 supporting paragraph of the thesis given in the intro, conclusion paragraph.

 

thanks for the reminders nan!:)

 

Martha, what might your topics be and how would you assign these? Would they be a one-week assignment? Over a month? Persuasive, explanatory, etc.

 

Lisa J

---

[Running the race]

Thanks for the encouragement. What a great way to start the year!

[elegantlion]

Total sidetrack, but I'd love to hear later how this goes for you! I have this book, and may start it in a year.

 

Well we read chapter 1 today and he had to write a one sentence argument.

I'm too tired to do my school work. was the sentence I received. If fit the criteria for chapter one, concrete and concise. :D

[swimmermom3]

I :001_wub: "Nan threads" and this is one of my favorites. Nan keeps it very real and I feel like it is okay to be "human" as a teacher. Which my youngest assures me I am not, human that is. He has not seen this year's schedule. Bwaahhaaaaaa and then..."the raspberry."

 

Paula, I think it is time that our young men email each other. They seem to have a great deal in common, especially being too tired to work.:D

Edited August 15, 2011 by swimmermom3

[Colleen in NS]

Well we read chapter 1 today and he had to write a one sentence argument.

I'm too tired to do my school work. was the sentence I received. If fit the criteria for chapter one, concrete and concise. :D

 

Which my youngest assures I am not, human that is.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I totally get both of you!! It's been quite the day around here, too, with my 13yob. Love him, though. :D

[Storm Bay]

I just had to bump this back up so others could read it. Nan's post is so touching and really made me sit back and think about how I interact with my ds who is 13. Just because he's taller than his dad and wears size 11 shoes doesn't mean he is an adult. He's just trying really hard to figure it all out and I need to remember that.

 

So I put this back at the top so hopefully more people will get a chance to read a timely and moving post. :)

 

Thanks again, Nan!

 

I hadn't realized just how long ago this was written, but it's a good one.

 

Just a reminder that if you click on the tag "nan's words of wisdom", you will find many interesting threads. A good way to start the school year!

 

Jane (who expects her dear friend Nan to return to the boards soon following her summer break)

 

Right, the tab. Hope you're having a good summer :001_smile:. We were away for half of July.

[Brenda in MA]

nm

 

Brenda

[swimmermom3]

This is an old thread that is always worth bumping at this time of year as everyone is considering their plans for the next academic year.

 

May you all find a path that benefits you and your students.

[Donna T.]

Thank you for bumping this up, Lisa! I am literally crying. I think you posted this up just for me!

 

My 8th grade son is my oldest, so he will be my first high schooler. He is very, very bright. He is a hard worker, too. He loves science, history, and literature. There are several things he is doing that he is behind on. He won't finish his Sonlight core this month. He won't finish his science either. He is still in Pre-algebra. I have debated within myself for hours at a time as I have tried to determine what to do from here. He lost his grandfather (my dad) and my grandmother, who was, believe it or not, his best friend, within 18 days of one another. They passed away in April after a lot of suffering. We weren't always able to do as much as we needed to this whole year because of our family's needs. I wanted to push hard to have him working steadily through the summer so he could begin other things next fall. Today I made some decisions that will take some pressure off and allow him to have some-what of a summer break. Well, not so much a break, but at least we are going to relax a lot.

 

He also turned 14 in April. He has always wanted to be Peter Pan. He is sad about growing up and just wants to be a kid a little bit longer.

[Nan in Mass]

Thank you for bumping this up, Lisa! I am literally crying. I think you posted this up just for me!

 

My 8th grade son is my oldest, so he will be my first high schooler. He is very, very bright. He is a hard worker, too. He loves science, history, and literature. There are several things he is doing that he is behind on. He won't finish his Sonlight core this month. He won't finish his science either. He is still in Pre-algebra. I have debated within myself for hours at a time as I have tried to determine what to do from here. He lost his grandfather (my dad) and my grandmother, who was, believe it or not, his best friend, within 18 days of one another. They passed away in April after a lot of suffering. We weren't always able to do as much as we needed to this whole year because of our family's needs. I wanted to push hard to have him working steadily through the summer so he could begin other things next fall. Today I made some decisions that will take some pressure off and allow him to have some-what of a summer break. Well, not so much a break, but at least we are going to relax a lot.

 

He also turned 14 in April. He has always wanted to be Peter Pan. He is sad about growing up and just wants to be a kid a little bit longer.

 

Hugs, Donna. My children have grandparents that they are very close to as well. I think if they'd lost them both we would all have been such a mess that we would have just wound up keeping everybody back and repeating the year. This happens more often that it seems, even in public school. We had our especially Peter Pan-like child repeat kindergarten and when it came time to send him off to college, we were SO glad we had. A year earlier, he wouldn't have been ready. It was if-y even so. Academically, he was ready, but being away from the family was difficult.

 

I do hope you can manage it so your family gets a break this summer. Most of my homeschooling regrets (youngest is graduating from high school in a month - yikes!) have to do with not spending our time wisely or focusing on the wrong things (content instead of skills, for example, which I posted about in my basic WTM skills post a few years ago) and pushing too hard to make up ground through their breaks. There are circumstances where the child has made bad choices and in order to teach good work habits, one has to insist on them finishing, but in our case, when we did this, it was partly due to my mismanagement. (Sometimes it was due to traveling during the school year.) I can't believe my children cooperated and forgave me lol. There were times when they passively resisted. That was better than burning out, I am sure. I don't regret making them finish their math books during the summer because they took time out to travel during the year, or doing some summer reading of the more fun great books so we could go at a more leisurely pace the rest of the time, or keeping a travel journal when we went on trips, but I do regret asking them to do anything else. It was too hard on all of us and we would have done a better job the rest of the time, I think, if we hadn't. Sorry. I guess I have meandered down memory lane here, something I have found myself doing a lot now, as I finish up my last month of homeschooling. I just wanted to tell you that I think you did very well to have gotten any school done under those circumstances. And to offer my sympathy.

 

Nan

[Lori D.]

Thank you for bumping this up, Lisa! I am literally crying. I think you posted this up just for me!

 

My 8th grade son is my oldest, so he will be my first high schooler. He is very, very bright. He is a hard worker, too. He loves science, history, and literature. There are several things he is doing that he is behind on. He won't finish his Sonlight core this month. He won't finish his science either. He is still in Pre-algebra. I have debated within myself for hours at a time as I have tried to determine what to do from here. He lost his grandfather (my dad) and my grandmother, who was, believe it or not, his best friend, within 18 days of one another. They passed away in April after a lot of suffering. We weren't always able to do as much as we needed to this whole year because of our family's needs. I wanted to push hard to have him working steadily through the summer so he could begin other things next fall. Today I made some decisions that will take some pressure off and allow him to have some-what of a summer break. Well, not so much a break, but at least we are going to relax a lot.

 

He also turned 14 in April. He has always wanted to be Peter Pan. He is sad about growing up and just wants to be a kid a little bit longer.

 

 

Oh Donna! My sympathies. And I am so agreeing with Nan.

 

Give yourselves time to grieve and heal this summer. That will be a far better preparation for high school than anything else you could do. If it helps you both to have a little something to keep busy with, then perhaps just gently finish up the Pre-Algebra and ONLY read the Sonlight books together, as enjoyable read-alouds, not any actual work. Set down the science (except for just the part of it DS would truly find enjoyable) and any other subject and call 8th grade done. Instead, take a lot of walks together. Plant a garden (or a few pots) and watch new things grow. Do the things that bring you joy each day. Allow yourselves to start fresh and all new (and RE-nrewed!) in the fall.

 

And as far as high school goes: it is a "mini-marathon", not a sprint. Your DS will grow and learn and mature *during* those years; not all at once before he starts. Your DS will "bloom" a little at a time in his own unique timing. All is well, and will be well. Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Jane in NC]

Hugs to you Donna. I also want to add that when Nan talks about skills in high school, she is often not just addressing academic skills but real world skills. In her case, her boys learn how to navigate a boat and mend sails. My son learned to plan a backpacking trip, determining the route on a map, making a portable stove for food prep, etc. Consider electronics projects or website construction.

 

We found it important to strike a balance between academics, physical activity, and hands on projects. The latter can include community service work to help our teens see how they can contribute to society--not just their families.

 

There are lots of broad shoulders on this board should you need to shed a tear or two down the road. And all success stories are loved!

 

Best wishes,

Jane

[Catwoman]

Thank you for bumping this thread, Lisa -- and thanks to Nan for starting it in the first place! :)

[Storm Bay]

This is just in time. My baby is going to be in gr 8 this September. He's going to be part time homechooling because he wants to do band at the public high school. He's going to do math there as well so he can stay half a school day (4 classes a day, & both are 2 semesters.) Yes, he'll be wasting time doing a semester of test prep math, but he's been pushing to go full time, so this is our compromise. Full time public school would be a poor decision for him as he plays two instruments, swims nearly year round & does cross fit. I keep telling him how much he'll hate honours history in public school, or even academic, how we can tailor his education to suit him (eg keep writing to English only as he hates, hates, hates writing and never, ever writes anything for fun, not even lists). He has exactly one reason for wanting to go, and that is for social, even though he gets quite a bit already, and he has decided that homeschoolers aren't who he wants to be with (I'm hoping this will pass soon.)

 

And, yes, his behaviour, etc, fit in with Nan's post. I have this in a file from when it was first posted, and will have to go pull it out.

 

This is now my third time going through this.

[OneStepAtATime]

bumping again....great thread

[birchbark]

Subbing.

[Dina in Oklahoma]

I am in a similar position as Donna was last year.  THANK YOU, Nan and to those who continued to bump this thread; is was right on time! 

[loftmama]

Love this thread. Thanks! Now that I have an 8th grader, this is just right!

[Urban Girl]

THANK YOU for this reality check. My son is normal. I am normal. We will move forward with understanding and grace.

[quark]

I thought a bump might do some of us some good. :laugh:

[Chrysalis Academy]

I thought a bump might do some of us some good. :laugh:

 

Heck, Nan's posts would probably do *all* of us good!  :hurray:

[Aretemama]

This was just wonderful. Thank you for making me smile this morning!

[JoJosMom]

I thought a bump might do some of us some good. :laugh:

 

Let me join in the :hurray: .

[hpedlar]

I am brand new to this site, and boy did I need to read this particular post today!  I homeschool 4 girls from 8th grade down to 1st, and my 8th grader spent grades 4 - 6 in PS.  She is very bright but is unwilling to work as hard as I know she is capapble of.  Her work ethic is a constant battle for us. . . and writing has taken a back seat.  I use a writing curriculum I am not thrilled with and am seriously concerned.  She has not had to write more than a few 5-paragraph essays in her school career, and we are still struggling to get to them now.  It was incredibly encouraging to me to read through this thread to see we are not alone, and that there is hope.  So thank you!

[quark]

Welcome to the Hive, hpedlar!

[dereksurfs]

Awesome post and reminder!  Thanks for bumping it, Quark!  I sure love this community.  Sometimes when you homeschool you can feel alone during these developmental milestones, especially when you don't talk about it much.  Sometimes its easier to be reminded and encouraged on a forum like this with others who are experiencing or have experienced similar things.

 

It's especially hard for us with ds13, our first and only baby boy, that's for sure.  And men don't typically talk about all this emotional stuff, at least not very often.  But yeah, it is a real challenge for us none the less.  This feels like just yesterday, really. :)   I think most of you going through it can relate:

 

 

 

[CSL]

Thank you for posting this, l really needed to hear it. For the first child, everything was new and exciting and there was very little expectation. It was hard, but it was good and everyone was happy. The second time around, the child is different but the expectation is higher. I really needed to hear this, she is only 13 and she will learn. Higher expectation is my fault, not hers. She is good for a 13 year old and I should be happy with that. Thank you so much for this timely reminder!!

[quark]

It's especially hard for us with ds13, our first and only baby boy, that's for sure.  And men don't typically talk about all this emotional stuff, at least not very often.  But yeah, it is a real challenge for us none the less.  This feels like just yesterday, really. :)   I think most of you going through it can relate:

 

:001_wub: awww, Derek, what a cutie! Yes, it is rare for men to open up and I appreciate those who do the more because of that. We are all in this together. We are all juggling different needs but united by the love we have for our kids and wanting to do the best for them. Glad and honored to share this journey with all of you. And so glad for the veterans who have come before us and share so willingly and generously and don't worry about giving us the truth or showing compassion when we need it. :grouphug:

 

[dereksurfs]

:001_wub: awww, Derek, what a cutie! Yes, it is rare for men to open up and I appreciate those who do the more because of that. We are all in this together. We are all juggling different needs but united by the love we have for our kids and wanting to do the best for them. Glad and honored to share this journey with all of you. And so glad for the veterans who have come before us and share so willingly and generously and don't worry about giving us the truth or showing compassion when we need it. :grouphug:

 

 

It's a bit ironic that the general topic came up today at work during the lunch hour.  One of the dads was talking about how fast his kids are growing up, especially his oldest son.  I asked 'it's kinda hard isn't it?'  To which he replied 'yeah, definitely!  Its seems like just yesterday that he was small, telling jokes and playing around the house.'  His oldest is now 19, 6'3", lives on his own and works full time.  I know 13 years doesn't seem that long at all for our oldest!

 

 

...And listen to them, really listen, to the new person they are becoming, not just the old one they were. And mourn the child that is disappearing, because they are, too. And help them to look forward to the nice adult things, like being able to drive and being able to get together with friends more easily. And remember that they are still young.

 

Hugs to everyone who is going through this. I'm going through it for the third time GRIN.

 

HTH

-Nan

 

Nan, I don't know if you still check back in.  But this post is really encouraging and has been for many years for countless parents going through this same phase.  These three things are key for me to consider:  

* Listen, really listen

* Mourn the child is disappearing

* Help them to look forward to the nice thing of adulthood

 

I admit these are all really hard for me, some more than others.  Yes, it's ok to mourn.  I have many times tried to suppress this - too emotional I guess.  But when you think about it its only natural, really.  That beautiful baby boy or girl is now becoming a young man or women.  That little child in all their silly, funny, chubby, big, bright eyed ways is gone as we knew him/her.  It was a crazy, fun time like no other.

 

[Connections]

This is right where I am at and it feels so lonely. I cannot thank you enough for helping me put words to what I am feeling. Yesterday I just felt so sad. My oldest is about to turn 14 and will be officially a (homeschooled) freshman next year. We are planning a rigorous and full course load because he is ready for it and it is the challenge that he needs at this point in his life. As I help him plan his classes and guide him, I cannot help but feel like I just want to drop everything and go on a hike at the nature center or play a board game or read books aloud all day long like we used to. The hours of work that his classes will take add up very quickly. Looking at his schedule for next year I know that our deep talks together will be less frequent but increasingly more deep and significant and that is a blessing. I know that I will be needed to help him balance academics and time with friends but OUR time will never look the way that it used to. So even though he will be here for the next four years, it will never be the same. 

 

We considered school for next year- he shadowed and we we went through entrance exams but it was not the right decision for him. I almost wonder which transition would have been more difficult. It's a waste of time and energy to speculate, of course. 

 

I have two more children- one who recently turned 13 (the two oldest are less than a year apart) and a daughter who is just beginning elementary school. To me, the combination feels like the perfect storm (I know, I am feeling ridiculously dramatic). My two oldest boys are so busy that I feel like I cannot give my daughter the same attention and childhood that they had. Plus, although she has these two wonderful brothers, the busier they are, the less she can spend time with them. That means it's just her and me. And the very thought of it REALLY being her and me in five years when both my sons will head off to college one after the other is nearly breaking my heart already! 

 

I am doing everything that I can to keep our daily read aloud over lunch. The boys will continue to revisit old favorites while my daughter hears them for the first time. If we manage to play a board game at least one day a week and continue our family discussions I think we'll hold together OK. It will not be the same. It will never be the same. But it can be beautiful and wonderful and it IS a gift. Every moment is a gift, frankly. I need to focus on the gift of the present moment. I need to enjoy this day. Each morning is an opportunity. Each moment is a new memory waiting to be shared. I have three beautiful children to share these moments with. Those moments will be gone and replaced by new ones - what will I do with each opportunity? How will I spend each moment? 

 

Thank your for the permission to mourn and for helping me to put words to my feelings. 

 

 

 

 

[Jane in NC]

Time to bump what I think was one of the greatest posts ever on this board.  I know that some of you with doubts need this.

[VANURSEPRAC]

Mom of 13 y/o 8th grader and Nan's post is just what I needed to read. Thank you so much!

[swimmermom3]

Oh do I love Nan in Mass threads.  They have saved my homeschooling sanity more times than I can count and this was a favorite.

 

For those of you reading this for the first time, the coming years will be over in a blink of an eye. Truly.

 

I read Nan's post again and am reminded of all the insecurities of that time.  Then ds decided to go to the public high school for more social life and it all seemed moot  - until he decided to come home a semester later and you all helped me form "Plan B." Now, we are on the other side and my homeschool career is over. The final result is so much greater than anything I could have anticipated and this thread reminds me of all the good friends and advice acquired along the journey. When you homeschool, it does really take a village - at least for me and mine.

 

For those of you in the thick of the action: take heart; be bold, celebrate the successes (no matter how small); learn from your mistakes (you will make them) and know that yes, 9th graders really can read and enjoy Homer, wine and chocolate (or Tito's) are good for you, and that the board is always here for advice and support.

 

Nan, one of these days I am going to find you and deliver my thanks in person, not only for the educational advice, but for the early encouragement for sailing for ds. It has rocked his world and offered so many amazing opportunities.