When High school and college did not turn out as you expected.

[shanvan]

Please post here if you and your child have made out-of-the-ordinary decisions for high school and beyond. Did your Dc go into business, apprentice for someone, go to trade school, join a family business? Anything non-traditional.

I have some decisions to make for my Dd and it is looking like we will not be going the traditional 4 year full time college route. That worked well for Ds, but Dd has some opportunities and I don't think 4 year full time college is going to work. She has the chance to become a partner in a well established business. (Which I may explain better later.) I have thorough knowledge of this business and the owners. Dd has already been working for them for several years on a part time basis. She has worked so hard and done so well, and she has natural talent. The owner has no family to take over, and they want her there. That Dd can make money in the business is indisputable since she has been a major contributor to our finances for the past 2 years while I was sorting out my husband's Alzheimer's and applying for disability.

None of this is what I planned. I planned for a somewhat rigorous high school course load followed by 4 years of college, full time. If she joins this business permanently, part time college is all Dd would be able to handle. Dd is not the student my Ds is. She needs more time to complete assignments and she gets very antsy having to sit for too long, so maybe this is better, idk. It's what seems to be falling into place, so I would like to hear from others who did things differently.

[NorthwestMom]

I encourage you to let your DD make the decisions. It will be her adult life. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ds did high school in 5 years, not 4.  He is an Aspie and we basically took the time in his first time through his "senior" year to sort out some local parttime employment.  For him, being employed that year became somewhat of a full-time thing even though the job itself was not fulltime.  He needed that as an Aspie more than he needed to finish high school.  I graduated him after his fifth high school year and he immediately went out and got a job in his field on his own.  It was a part time job and he went to junior college for two years.  Now he has transferred to a four year college where his life has become a lot more traditional (though he's not living in the dorm).  He's stepped right into a TA job in his major because he's the only student who has the real life experience in his field. 

Dd will do high school in 5 years, not 4.  She's had chronic  health issues that have significantly impacted her.  I don't know what she will decide to do after that. 

[bolt.]

I think you will be able to tell a lot about these business owners by how they talk to your DD about college and continued employment with them.

If they want her to forgo it completely, they are using her. If they say supportive things and hope she manages to fit college around the edges of her work, they are probably indifferent. If they truly value her (in an ideal world) they would create some sort of ‘use work time for professional development by perusing a college degree’ model of employment.

Its worth waiting for that information before looking seriously at donating her whole future to their endeavours.

[shanvan]

Jean, I had already decided Dd would be going the 5 year high school route, partly b/c of time lost while I was caring for our elderly friend, followed by time caring for Dh, and partly b/c Dd just takes longer than Ds did at all academics. 

Margaret, I do suspect there is some ADD at play for Dd. Never had her formally evaluated, but it is not hard to see. 

I am glad to 'hear' some experiences that sound similar. I definitely don't want to be one of those people trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I have always felt that the education has to be suited to the makeup of the child. My SIL did not pay attention to her son's make up and went ahead and put him in a 4 year college away from home and it was a disaster. A very expensive disaster. Everyone who truly knows our situation and knows my daughter and the business is telling me to let her do it. Here and there a person will come along with a criticism and tell me 4 year college with a degree is the only way. Those people like to say I will ruin her life if I don't get her into a 4 year school and make her go. The more I hear that the more I realize what a narrow minded unrealistic view of the world that is. 

[shanvan]

17 minutes ago, bolt. said:

I think you will be able to tell a lot about these business owners by how they talk to your DD about college and continued employment with them.

If they want her to forgo it completely, they are using her. If they say supportive things and hope she manages to fit college around the edges of her work, they are probably indifferent. If they truly value her (in an ideal world) they would create some sort of ‘use work time for professional development by perusing a college degree’ model of employment.

Its worth waiting for that information before looking seriously at donating her whole future to their endeavours.

Has already been discussed. They will not employ her if she is not at least taking classes. I know these people very well. They have been employing her for 2 years already. The owner is a former high school chemistry teacher. Originally she would not allow her to work there during college at all (except during summer break). Knowing what they know now about how my Dd learns and about her abilities, they are willing to employ her while she takes classes part time working toward her degree.

What I need to do is look at what part time looks like financially. I have no idea if any financial aid applies for part time students. That may be where there is a catch.

ETA: Up to now I viewed this as a good way for Dd to make money and pursue her interests. The idea of doing it full time was not being considered, so there are more details that would need to be discussed. Dd will be getting a high school education that would enable her to attend a 4 year school at some point, if not now, then later. However, if she is going to attend part time, then maybe I would just have her start taking classes at the local CC now rather than wait until later.  She has already won a bunch of scholarships too. Need to see if she can still use them if she's part time.

There are a lot of things I need to consider. I am just sort of surprised to be considering a very different approach than I planned. 

Edited September 8, 2018 by shanvan

[Jean in Newcastle]

My son was able to pay for his part time college with his part time work.  (He got more than minimum wage).  We paid for all his food, lodging, medical (at our home) so that he could use his work funds for that. 

[Lori D.]

First here's an NPR article you might find interesting as a response to those around you who insist that the only path is straight from high school to college: "Today's College Students Aren't Who You Think They Are".
 

Second, what your DD is considering is similar to what an extended family member did, with a bit of a twist. She was an Honors high school student, landed a partial scholarship to the local state university, and went straight to college after graduation to try for a Nutrition degree. Her second semester, she took Chemistry, bombed it and her GPA dropped below the scholarship requirements, so she lost the scholarship. At that point she realized her heart wasn't in getting a college degree, so she left college and went to work full time at he father's successful small business. The economy tanked 2-3 years later, and it was in part due to the whole family being very dedicated and doing some serious belt-tightening, but also to her unique skillset, that helped them get through some very lean economic times. She has since been able to contribute some unique ideas that have helped add to the business getting more exposure and clients.

She is the only child in the family, so if she had not been interested in becoming a partner, the business might have had to close, but even if they had been able to keep going, it would have eventually been sold when her father retires. As it stands now, if she continues to be interested in the business, she will inherit it. She is now in her early 30s, married, owns 2 houses (rents one out), and has been helping her husband get up and running with his own small business of a completely different type. She contributes to her own retirement plan, and is developing her interests and hobbies on her own time. At this point, there would be nothing that college could give her that she has not been able to self-teach through her working experience.
 

And finally, in answer to your request for stories of those of us who have gone down non-traditional paths -- that is somewhat the case here for both DSs.

When we first started homeschooling, I was very attracted to TWTM and thought we would do a traditional rigorous classical homeschooling. However, in our first year, it became quickly apparent that this approach as-written would not work with our family. We homeschooled in an "eclectic classic" way, with a focus on classics, logic/critical thinking, and getting solid in math and writing -- but at DSs' unique levels (no super star students here) and at their unique pacing (not rigorous/intense). We also spent a lot of time on extracurriculars and time for exploring personal interests which is not part of TWTM course line-up.

So what about our post high school path?

DS#2 has never been academically minded, has mild LDs in math, writing, and spelling (probably Stealth Dyslexia) and school was a struggle in many areas for him. He did not know what he wanted to do upon high school graduation, so we encouraged taking classes at the community college while he looked around to figure it out. He completed 2 years of the 3 year AAS degree in Interpretation for the Deaf, and realized he did not want to do that as a career. He left school and worked for a year. He was a hard worker, always early and stayed late and was fast and efficient. He kept trying to jump all the hoops at Chipotle to move up into management levels, thinking he would work to become a general manager, but his manager wanted his friend to move up instead and kept pushing DS off, so DS became very disillusioned and ended up leaving.

From there he decided he wanted something completely different. He did a 9-month commitment with an AmeriCorps partner program that does trail restoration/conservation and chainsaw work. That got him interested in a parallel career field: wildland firefighting. Which is what he is doing now. He is just finishing up his second season and loving it.

When he gets back, during his off-season, he will finish up his requirements for sawyer certification so he can run his own freelance firewood cutting service, and he will go for an intensive EMT course and certification. The AmeriCorps educational credit he earned several years back will pay for the course tuition, and between the 2 certifications and his 2 years working as a wildland firefighter, he will be able to apply for a higher position. He also is looking into possibly applying for an apprenticeship position that runs concurrent with the wildland firefighting season that is the "fast track" to moving up and into a permanent position in that field.

While it is not as certain of a path as some others, getting a college degree is not necessarily a guarantee of a job either.

DS#1 is doing a more traditional path, but in a bit of a non-traditional way. He went straight to the community college after high school graduation, and took 3 years, so he could both earn an AAS in digital film/video production, and knock out the gen. ed. credits for transfer. He then transferred to a private university 2 hours away, and took 2 years to finish his BA in a general humanities area. He thought he would combine the AAS and BA, but that did not pan out, and he realized he didn't really want to teach, or work at a low-paying media production job, so after a year, he did some career exploration, realized he would really enjoy (and would be a good fit with) Mechanical Engineering. So he has gone back to the community college and is in his 4th semester and finishing up all of the credits that will transfer. In the spring he will start at the local state university and will need 4-5 semesters to complete a BS in ME.

He is doing what your DD might do if she returns to college later: he has been working part time (a manager of a local pizza pub), about 25 hours/week, and can handle 12-14 credits per semester at most, due to the heavy math/engineering content. Due to his personality, the combo of those 2 activities takes all he has, so he doesn't have much social life right now. And he is living at home and I still include him in meals to help him save his part time wages to pay for school, but also to help ease the time crunch for him.

He is thoroughly enjoying his Math and Engineering courses, and even though he will be 29yo when he has degree in hand and is ready to enter his field, there are good options in our city for internships with Engineering companies that really *like* to partner with students at this university's Engineering dept. So there is a good chance that starting next summer or next school year DS may be moving out of his low-paying food industry job and into work that is actually in his field and that will get his foot in the door with a company that wants to groom students to become future employees.

While it's a bit of a rollercoaster ride for me, having DSs not doing things in a very traditional or "safe" way (LOL), I feel more and more confident that these are the *right* paths for each of them. Both DSs are growing/learning, they are responsible and delightful people to be with, and they are excited about what they are doing, and have potential for their future career paths. Not sure I could ask for much more than that! (:D

BEST of luck to you and your DD as she decides where to go from high school. Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Crimson Wife]

I would encourage her to look at reputable online programs. Many of the state universities have affordable online degrees. Arizona St., University of Colorado, Utah St., University of Maryland, etc. She could take a couple classes per semester in addition to her job and it would most likely be do-able.

[Lori D.]

2 hours ago, shanvan said:

...They will not employ her if she is not at least taking classes...

...Originally she would not allow her to work there during college at all (except during summer break). Knowing what they know now about how my Dd learns and about her abilities, they are willing to employ her while she takes classes part time working toward her degree.

What I need to do is look at what part time looks like financially. I have no idea if any financial aid applies for part time students. That may be where there is a catch.

Yes, most scholarships are for full-time students, but not all. Our Community College awards some smaller scholarships (few hundred dollars to use towards books) for part time students. Thankfully, the tuition at our CC is only 1/4 the cost of that of the local university (for full-time in-state students, about $3400/year compared to $12,200/year).

Check out the school's financial aid/scholarships website pages, and also apply to FAFSA to see if DD might be eligible for any Pell Grant money. Other than scholarships, the only other financial aid that she might be eligible for would be Federal Financial Aid -- loans and Pell Grant awards. Pell Grants are awarded for a maximum of 12 semesters, and the amount awarded is determined by the EFC # from the FAFSA. (Note: until the student is 24yo, the parents' financials have to be included on the FAFSA, except in rare cases such as the student is in the military, married, or has a dependent child.)

Another thing to check into: would the business allow DD to work part time (20-30 hours/week) to allow DD to take 12 units (3-4 classes) per semester, in order for her to be a full-time student, and thus possibly eligible for scholarships? (Although, at many universities, tuition scholarships have a requirement of 15 units per semester, so that would be something else to look into.)

Edited September 8, 2018 by Lori D.

[goldberry]

A good friend of mine had 3 kids.  Older two girls followed traditional route.  Parents helped with college.  Third boy started working part time during high school doing computer repair.  The company helped him get several certifications and he proved very talented at it.  He wasn't interested in college AT ALL.  He had a good head on his shoulders and a skill for computers, he wanted to start his own business.  Parents decided that since they helped the other two pay for college, they would help this one get a business started.  That was about 5 years ago and he has been VERY successful.   

[shanvan]

10 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

Yes, most scholarships are for full-time students, but not all. Our Community College awards some smaller scholarships (few hundred dollars to use towards books) for part time students. Thankfully, the tuition at our CC is only 1/4 the cost of that of the local university (for full-time in-state students, about $3400/year compared to $12,200/year).

Check out the school's financial aid/scholarships website pages, and also apply to FAFSA to see if DD might be eligible for any Pell Grant money. Other than scholarships, the only other financial aid that she might be eligible for would be Federal Financial Aid -- loans and Pell Grant awards. Pell Grants are awarded for a maximum of 12 semesters, and the amount awarded is determined by the EFC # from the FAFSA. (Note: until the student is 24yo, the parents' financials have to be included on the FAFSA, except in rare cases such as the student is in the military, married, or has a dependent child.)

Another thing to check into: would the business allow DD to work part time (20-30 hours/week) to allow DD to take 12 units (3-4 classes) per semester, in order for her to be a full-time student, and thus possibly eligible for scholarships? (Although, at many universities, tuition scholarships have a requirement of 15 units per semester, so that would be something else to look into.)

The scholarships she has won are from private organizations, so she may be able to use a few of them depending on the wording. 

I am not that concerned about our income/FAFSA. We will be very poor. My Dh has Early Onset Alzheimer's. We are already poor and only going to get worse. Most of our income will be from SSDI.

They will definitely work with Dd to make sure she can get her school work done. 

[Lori D.]

2 minutes ago, shanvan said:

The scholarships she has won are from private organizations, so she may be able to use a few of them depending on the wording. 

That would be wonderful!

[shanvan]

I have to add a funny aside to this discussion. I mentioned one of the owners is a former high school chemistry teacher. She will not employ any kids who are not at least attending college part time. And she also told my daughter repeatedly that she is not allowed to date until she has her masters degree! That is how strongly she feels about education. I really like her for that!

[PeterPan]

2 hours ago, shanvan said:

Everyone who truly knows our situation and knows my daughter and the business is telling me to let her do it. Here and there a person will come along with a criticism and tell me 4 year college with a degree is the only way. Those people like to say I will ruin her life if I don't get her into a 4 year school and make her go. The more I hear that the more I realize what a narrow minded unrealistic view of the world that is. 

I think the important thing to remember is if she wants a degree later, she can still go get it. College will still be there, and there are lots of programs aimed at adult and returning learners! Adult students do BETTER than younger students often times, so the extra bake time might even to your dd's benefit. 

Also waiting for college when you don't know WHY you'd be going is a good thing. It's a ton of money and it's often wasted on the young, who change their majors, end up wanting to do something totally different later, etc. Real life experience would help her know her holes and WHY she would want to do something. It's a wise idea.

[Lori D.]

5 minutes ago, shanvan said:

...My Dh has Early Onset Alzheimer's. We are already poor and only going to get worse. Most of our income will be from SSDI.

(((Shanvan and family))). I am so very sorry! 

Have your children been tested so they will know if they will be facing this themselves?

A contemporary of mine (I'll call her "C") a few years older than me, was the mom of a kindergarten classmate of DS#1. "C" lost her own father to Early Onset Alzheimer's when he was in his 40s, after having it for just 2-3 years. "C" 's older sibling developed it in her 40s, and passed away after about 6-10 years. In her early 40s, "C" developed it as well. She was on meds that helped keep it from progressing so rapidly, but she passed away about 2 years ago, about 15 years after diagnosis. "C" has 4 children, who were in their late teens when "C" was diagnosed. I don't know if some or any of the children have chosen whether or not to be tested, but it has definitely impacted their choices about college, relationships, etc.

Hoping that the research quickly comes up with treatments to help your DH, and to also prevent others from having to go through this. Hugs, Lori

[shanvan]

5 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

I think the important thing to remember is if she wants a degree later, she can still go get it. College will still be there, and there are lots of programs aimed at adult and returning learners! Adult students do BETTER than younger students often times, so the extra bake time might even to your dd's benefit. 

Also waiting for college when you don't know WHY you'd be going is a good thing. It's a ton of money and it's often wasted on the young, who change their majors, end up wanting to do something totally different later, etc. Real life experience would help her know her holes and WHY she would want to do something. It's a wise idea.

Yes. I did not mean to imply that being in favor of college is narrow minded. Just the idea that every kid should go straight into college (though I was guilty of thinking that way for many years).

Edited September 8, 2018 by shanvan

[shanvan]

2 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

(((Shanvan and family))). I am so very sorry! 

Have your children been tested so they will know if they will be facing this themselves?

A contemporary of mine (I'll call her "C") a few years older than me, was the mom of a kindergarten classmate of DS#1. "C" lost her own father to Early Onset Alzheimer's when he was in his 40s, after having it for just 2-3 years. "C" 's older sibling developed it in her 40s, and passed away after about 6-10 years. In her early 40s, "C" developed it as well. She was on meds that helped keep it from progressing so rapidly, but she passed away about 2 years ago, about 15 years after diagnosis. "C" has 4 children, who were in their late teens when "C" was diagnosed. I don't know if some or any of the children have chosen whether or not to be tested, but it has definitely impacted their choices about college, relationships, etc.

Hoping that the research quickly comes up with treatments to help your DH, and to also prevent others from having to go through this. Hugs, Lori

Doctors do not think my husband's case is genetic. There is no history of it in his family. He is somewhat of a medical mystery, but Alzheimer's in general is anyway. I have done all the research, and while the popular line is that there re drugs that slow it--that is not actually shown to be true. Drugs only control symptoms, and at best for about 6 months IF they work at all, and they don't work for about 60% of the people. Dh has been suffering with this for a minimum of 4 years. I knew something was wrong. Had to force him to go to a doctor. I won't go into the details. They are not pretty. 

I am glad you raised the issue of the possibility of inheriting Alzheimer's b/c if that were to be a possibility, I would want my Dd to have a chance at doing something she loves and not feel forced to spend her time in a classroom. So that adds a whole new perspective to the argument.

[Pen]

If the business partnership is for real, it sounds like an excellent opportunity. 

Parttime college or online degree options could also be pursued. 

Several of my son’s friends have family businesses they can go into, and as long as they want to and it isn’t being forced on them against their will, it seems like an excellent opportunity that most of the kids (my Ds included) don’t have, but wished they did. 

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, shanvan said:

I am glad you raised the issue of the possibility of inheriting Alzheimer's b/c if that were to be a possibility, I would want my Dd to have a chance at doing something she loves and not feel forced to spend her time in a classroom. So that adds a whole new perspective to the argument.

Total aside, but if it's there, you don't want to know anyway. All it will do is make you sad. (says the woman who's done genetic testing on her kids) As you say, just embrace life and live it fully, every day. And I'm so sorry your dh is having a hard time. I hope your church or people around you are giving you good support. It sounds very hard.

[shanvan]

6 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Total aside, but if it's there, you don't want to know anyway. All it will do is make you sad. (says the woman who's done genetic testing on her kids) As you say, just embrace life and live it fully, every day. And I'm so sorry your dh is having a hard time. I hope your church or people around you are giving you good support. It sounds very hard.

I have support from some very good friends and the owners of this business I count among them. It is a difficult road, but in some ways easier b/c now I know why Dh did the things he did and didn't do the things he didn't for the past 4 years. I thought he had just become a selfish jerk, or worse, that he had been that way all along and I never noticed!

I am really amazed at the way events have worked for us. Dd working has been a major factor in us being able to get though the waiting period for SSDI. Both of my kids have contributed, and I have a job now too. There have been other miracles too. The money should never have worked out. But it did. I don't know how. I just took it day by day.

ETA: You are right, I don't want to know.

Edited September 8, 2018 by shanvan

[Lori D.]

15 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Total aside, but if it's there, you don't want to know anyway. All it will do is make you sad. (says the woman who's done genetic testing on her kids)...

Totally depends on the person.

Another friend of mine, "K", had a mother die of Huntington's -- a slow physical and mental decline of a disease. Not at all pretty. "K" has been torn for *decades* about whether or not to be tested. Everything that happens, good or bad is used to fuel her fear -- "I have it!" -- or her hope -- "I don't have it!" A lot of the stress is because she knows if she has it, then her kids have a chance of having it. If she tests negative, then there is no way they have it.

She is a Christian believer, and trusts the Lord, and tries to embrace life and live fully, but honestly, that threat still lurks underneath and she has lived under tremendous stress by *not* knowing for sure. She is now pretty much beyond the age that it would show up if she was going to get it, but that was over 20 years of being stressed out and worrying about her own kids.

So just saying that this mindset and decision doesn't work for everyone.

And, PeterPan, so sorry about your own situation and family genetic testing. ? Wishing you all the BEST. Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited September 8, 2018 by Lori D.

[PeterPan]

2 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

Another friend of mine, "K", had a mother die of Huntington's -- a slow physical and mental decline of a disease. Not at all pretty. "K" has been torn for *decades* about whether or not to be tested.

And yet that isn't the situation I'm describing. Your friend was making her own decision. What I'm saying is that if you as a PARENT get the genetics and find out stuff, it's really not fun to have on your mind about your kids. And you can go through machinations like gene expression and you never know and all this junk, but its a hard genie to put back in the bottle. And there are ethical things you think about, like do I tell that dc, do I tell that dc's potential spouse, do you NOT disclose something like that to a potential spouse??? I mean, seriously. And the issue I have in my mind is slight in the scheme of things, a definite issue but not one that is Alzheimer's. Even so, that's the stuff I wrangle with.

So as a *parent* you don't want to necessarily know. For people themselves making their own decisions, that's their problem. And that's sort of how I've chosen to handle it. If that dc comes to an age where they finally make the connections and realize they could ask, they'll be given the answer. If they don't make the connection, I'll probably bring it up before the age where it would become an issue. And if I die, well then I won't have to have that discussion and it will happen (or won't happen) anyway. 

Me, I've already seen my genes, and they pretty much say I'm gonna die. That was my plan anyway, so I decided to ignore anything my genes say since they weren't saying anything new. But this newer, really targeted testing where they KNOW something is gonna happen, it's heavy. There are lots of genes that will pop up saying 1:3 chance, more vague stuff that could vary, but there are genes where it's just boom, and known correlation and you've got it. And I don't think we have a responsibility to disclose that, because genetic testing is not a pre-cursor to dating. We take people on KNOWING that everyone has defects. And nuts, de novo things happen too. 

But yeah, being on a Mom level and knowing xyz problem will probably happen to the dc around x age, it's sad, not what I would have picked. It's when you wish you weren't so handy with the stupid googlefu and genetic stuff. My advice is don't do it. Unless the kid asks and the kid wants to know, just don't. It's not something that makes you feel better and it only complicates things.

[Lecka]

I think this sounds like a great opportunity and a good fit.  

[Kanin]

1 hour ago, Crimson Wife said:

I would encourage her to look at reputable online programs. Many of the state universities have affordable online degrees. Arizona St., University of Colorado, Utah St., University of Maryland, etc. She could take a couple classes per semester in addition to her job and it would most likely be do-able.

The Penn State World Campus is also really good. I did my M.Ed. there and loved it. Online school was WAY better than I thought it would be. I didn't miss being in a traditional classroom AT ALL. Now that I think back, I did a lot of doodling and crossword puzzles in my very expensive traditional undergrad courses. Ugh. 

On the World Campus site, I see many B.A. programs that would probably be applicable to someone in the business world, and that she could use if she ever decides to move to a different business or career entirely. 

I'm pretty sure that students are eligible for the same Federal financial aid as online students that they would be in a "regular" college.

https://www.worldcampus.psu.edu/

[Kanin]

Also, I'm very sorry about your DH.  (((hugs!)))

As a special ed teacher, thinking about some of my students with ADHD... it really depends on the kid whether they will want to go to college, or if they do, whether an online program would be a better fit. There are so many variations of ADHD. One of my elementary-aged students that comes to mind is incredibly talented in what I would call interpersonal skills, and also with just plain old common sense and a strong work ethic. Even though he's academically slower than his peers, you can just tell that he's leaps and bounds ahead of his age for these other things. It sounds like your DD is similar in some ways. I really can't wait to see what this kid gets up to in the future! I'm sure he'll be making loads more money than me ? 

[G5052]

Good discussion.

I'm a state community college professor teaching only online courses, and now days there is indeed NO typical community college student. I have everything from dual enrollment to people in their 50's who are underemployed and retooling. Some of my students are taking entirely online courses.

Keep in mind that online courses are typically more time-consuming and can be a challenge for some students. I find that students with learning challenges including focus issues typically have a harder time, but not always. I know this from receiving accommodation notices through our disability office.

That said, I have heard a lot of success stories. The college I work for has a number of entirely online degrees, and there are other programs where you can do the basics online and then take face-to-face classes for the rest.

[shanvan]

4 minutes ago, Mainer said:

Also, I'm very sorry about your DH.  (((hugs!)))

As a special ed teacher, thinking about some of my students with ADHD... it really depends on the kid whether they will want to go to college, or if they do, whether an online program would be a better fit. There are so many variations of ADHD. One of my elementary-aged students that comes to mind is incredibly talented in what I would call interpersonal skills, and also with just plain old common sense and a strong work ethic. Even though he's academically slower than his peers, you can just tell that he's leaps and bounds ahead of his age for these other things. It sounds like your DD is similar in some ways. I really can't wait to see what this kid gets up to in the future! I'm sure he'll be making loads more money than me ? 

Yes. This describes my Dd. She is really taking on a lot with this job and doing it all very, very well. She has to communicate with a lot of people and she has to be on time and stick to a schedule. And she HAS to be nice to them all no matter their personalities. On top of that it is physically demanding at times. The owner took me aside recently and told me they have never had anyone like her working for them ever. She has always been a little slower in academics. It took her longer to learn to read. Math facts took longer, but she would do all the work I put in front of her without complaining. I toyed with having her evaluated, and then I had to set that idea aside b/c I was taking care of our elderly friend, then dealing with my own health scare, then Dh's Alzheimer's. 

She does seem to have a gift with piano for some reason. She also has the ability to get people to do things for her. I'm not kidding. People give her things for nothing and they change their schedules to accommodate her. I do not understand why. It has been this way since she was very young. If I had her with me at yard sales I would not have to pay for anything she wanted. I have recently had to tell adult friends of mine to tell her 'no' b/c they just seem to think the world will end if they don't say yes. Ds and I joke about it and if we ever want a deal on something we are buying or an exception made, we bring her with us. Not kidding either.  

[iamonlyone]

I am in the camp that thinks that it sounds like a fantastic opportunity. Sometimes unique chances like this are only available for a short while. It sounds like a winning choice all-around—especially since the owners want her to continue her studies.

My youngest is a traditional college freshman this year, but our older two have made different choices. Both of them seem happy and thriving—especially our oldest who graduated homeschool high school a year early—also earning an associate's degree and a childcare development certificate during those years—and at 17 moved to pursue ballet training. At 23 she now lives 1,000+ miles away, still dancing and teaching dance and loving every minute of her life. She has a plan B (if she gets injured or if doors of opportunity close) that will involve going back to college, but she has loved her life, has had amazing opportunities, and wouldn't change a thing.

[Jenny in Florida]

My son is in the midst of figuring out his potentially non-traditional path.

He is incredibly bright, but has never liked or cared about school. He finished high school at 16 and headed to a smallish four-year university, where he spent two years working on dual B.A./B.F.A. degrees. He learned some good stuff, but he was really miserable. His academic record was wildly uneven, and he wasn't enjoying the college social environment at all. We had a heart to heart, and he decided to do a course change by moving home and transferring to the local campus of the state university. Since he made the decision at the last minute. he opted to do a semester or two at the community college to check off enough boxes to finish an associate's degree and make it easier to transfer to the university. 

But remember that wildly uneven academic record? It continued. He took and aced some classes he really loved -- some of which were only tangentially related to the degree he was supposed to be pursuing -- barely scraped through others that actually counted . . .  

It took three semesters to finish that associates and a lot of drama and hand-wringing to get him transferred to the university, where he lasted only one semester before he hit the wall again. He was trying to work and perform (and sleep and eat), and school always came last. It was clear to me, my husband and my son's girlfriend that he was just a mess. And meanwhile he had racked up so many credit hours that he ran out of money from the state-sponsored scholarship program and was facing a massive surcharge on tuition if he continued at the university.

So he changed course again. He decided that he really just wants to work and focus on learning the stuff that actually matters to him, at least for the next year or two. He is working two part-time jobs (adding up to at least 40 hours each week) and also doing paid performance gigs every couple of weeks. He is studying some performance skills that excite him and spending a lot of time and energy working on developing equipment and illusions for his magic act. Meanwhile, on the home front, we are working with him to help him develop his adulting skills.

And we'll see where he is in a year. 

Edited September 8, 2018 by Jenny in Florida

[Crimson Wife]

3 hours ago, Mainer said:

 

I'm pretty sure that students are eligible for the same Federal financial aid as online students that they would be in a "regular" college.

I can't speak for any other college but Utah State online definitely has Federal financial aid available for those enrolled in a bachelor's degree (including 2nd bachelor's like mine was). There are also scholarships available that online students are eligible to apply for.

[Scarlett]

8 hours ago, shanvan said:

Please post here if you and your child have made out-of-the-ordinary decisions for high school and beyond. Did your Dc go into business, apprentice for someone, go to trade school, join a family business? Anything non-traditional.

I have some decisions to make for my Dd and it is looking like we will not be going the traditional 4 year full time college route. That worked well for Ds, but Dd has some opportunities and I don't think 4 year full time college is going to work. She has the chance to become a partner in a well established business. (Which I may explain better later.) I have thorough knowledge of this business and the owners. Dd has already been working for them for several years on a part time basis. She has worked so hard and done so well, and she has natural talent. The owner has no family to take over, and they want her there. That Dd can make money in the business is indisputable since she has been a major contributor to our finances for the past 2 years while I was sorting out my husband's Alzheimer's and applying for disability.

None of this is what I planned. I planned for a somewhat rigorous high school course load followed by 4 years of college, full time. If she joins this business permanently, part time college is all Dd would be able to handle. Dd is not the student my Ds is. She needs more time to complete assignments and she gets very antsy having to sit for too long, so maybe this is better, idk. It's what seems to be falling into place, so I would like to hear from others who did things differently.

I think it is wonderful when a young adult mostly knows what they want to do even if that is not the traditional path.  But I am not big on doing things just because everyone says you should...so there is that.  

[lmrich]

I think going to school part-time and working part-time in a job you love sounds like a perfect situation. 

My dd worked for my good friend this summer (she owns a talent agency) and turns out my dd rocked it. My friend wants to hire dd after college; she would hire now if possilbe. DD is working for her during the school year from college. She works three afternoons a week and LOVES it. Being good at something meaningful is only fueling her desire to be great at school so she can be even better at her job. My dd really wants the talent agency to grow and become the strongest in our 'hot' market. She is so into it. It is a win-win! I am sure it will be for you DD as well. 

[Rosie_0801]

My dd is intending to be a builder. I don't know if she'll stick it out at school until the end of year 12 or quit at the end of year 10. Honestly, I'd rather the latter, because year 11 and 12 will not contribute anything nearly as meaningful as getting an apprenticeship and doesn't pay as well either. Not that I get a say in the matter, but I've told her that I expect her to continue studying maths and English no matter which timeline she chooses, because they will always come in handy. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she went to uni as a mature age student to study a bachelor of business or safety or something that would contribute to her being a "boss lady" since that is her ultimate aim. 

No matter what path anyone takes, in this day and age, it is necessary to continue up-skilling. For some that is a bachelors degree, then a Masters. For some that is an apprenticeship, then a forklift license. 

A healthy bank account is worth much more than the social acceptability of having gone straight from high school to college.

[gardenmom5]

1dd has a degree in classics. . . . I expected she would continue on for a doc in something else.  (I did encourage her for contract law - and she loves "nuance".).  she considered computational linguistics, and even interviewed at a few universities.    however, her health did not allow her to continue.  (she's still had health problems that her doctors at a loss to figure out.).   she eventually just did a three month program that did a lot of certifications in computers.  which got her in the door to a good job.  now, ten years later,   she has a comfortable income that has allowed her to purchase a home even in our market.

even my niece, whose has a bs in microbiology - got into database management and does very well.  (as does her brother.  the high school dropout.)

Edited September 9, 2018 by gardenmom5

[Carrie12345]

Overall, it sounds like an amazing opportunity!  I'm assuming the business is solid, with room for company growth, and the current owners are dependable.  That's more than most degree holding, established adults can count on in their careers.  (Says the wife of someone who was on his way to one partnership when the owners suddenly chose to sell, is currently in a holding pattern on an original promise of partnership, and is now looking toward a new venture that isn't quite a partnership, but close enough.)