Weird phone use in person ~ 60 yo

[Ginevra]

This is one of my BILs. I don’t know if this is, “I got a brand new phone and I have no idea how to use it,” or, “I am going slowly out of my actual mind and you can tell from my texts.” ?

The first weirdness was a couple weeks ago, when my MIL was in the hospital. There was a texting chain between all the sibs and spouses, meant to keep everyone abreast of the situation - obviously, a serious topic. But BIL’s texs were SOOOOO weird. He wasn’t talking, but would keep having notes that said things like, “Removed a heart from text...” I can’t remember if he actually said anything at all; maybe “ok.” My husband showed me and was like, “What does this mean?” Heck if I know. 

Then, I texted him and his wife a picture to show that we were visiting a restaurant he had recommended and his wife communicated back to me, but he didn’t for a while. When we were leaving the restaurant, he did send a text of Happy Birthday balloons and it said, “Mmm.” (Like the food looked yummy, I guess. But it isn’t my birthday or anything.) Also, he put this message into the prior chain of all the sibs, not just to me, so all the siblings were probably like, “???” 

I mean I guess his phone might be new and he doesn’t know how to do things - sometimes my phone does funny things and I don’t even know how that happened - but then I explain it or at least I would ask my spouse to please say something like, “Quill says she’s sorry her phone is sending weird icons! She’s figuring out a new phone.” 

What do you think? New-phone confusion? Or going out of his damn mind? ?

[Selkie]

Any odd behavior when you talk to him in person?

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Selkie said:

Any odd behavior when you talk to him in person?

Not that I’ve noticed, but he’s not very likeable and I feel he has become less and less likeable over the last several years. He was at my house for a party and his wife was talking, talking, talking - he said almost nothing. He looked like he was miserable to be there and to be hearing his wife talking. 

[katilac]

 I wouldn't think twice about the happy birthday thing; it could have been fat fingers or he might have just seen the balloons and thought they looked fun to add, not noticing it also said happy birthday. 

"Removed a heart from text" sounds weird even in a hospital context, but could have been talk-to-text or predictive text gone wild. You're asking your spouse how to remove a heart from your text because you didn't mean to put it there, but randomly press a couple of buttons and suddenly you're telling the group, "removed a heart from text", y'know? And I'm actually not sure what you mean when you say he wasn't "talking" in the group text but had "notes" like above and maybe "said" okay. Was it all regular texting, or do you mean something different by notes? 

More examples? 

[itsheresomewhere]

He maybe trying to use text to speech.  It has a learning curve in the beginning and can really translate to some funny/hilarious/not even close text.

Edited September 7, 2018 by itsheresomewhere

[Guest]

He wasn’t conversing in the chain text; he only had a couple of icons or the weird “removed a heart...” things. I think he did write “ok”, but that’s it. So, it could be like this:

Sibling A: “Well, thanks for that info; sounds like she is getting better.”

Sibling B: “Yes, I agree. I think that cortisol shot will help.”

BIL: “Ok.”

BIL: Removed a heart from text.

 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, itsheresomewhere said:

He maybe trying to use text to speech.  It has a learning curve in the beginning and can really translate funny/hilarious.  

DH uses talk to text all the time and I get some really funny misheard texts. 

[itsheresomewhere]

3 minutes ago, Quill said:

DH uses talk to text all the time and I get some really funny misheard texts. 

DH once sent me something about milking the dog and did it like the dress. The kids and I were cracking up.  He was asking if I got milk for the dessert dish I was making. 

[katilac]

48 minutes ago, Quill said:

He wasn’t conversing in the chain text; he only had a couple of icons or the weird “removed a heart...” things. I think he did write “ok”, but that’s it. So, it could be like this:

Sibling A: “Well, thanks for that info; sounds like she is getting better.”

Sibling B: “Yes, I agree. I think that cortisol shot will help.”

BIL: “Ok.”

BIL: Removed a heart from text.

 

 

I wouldn't think anything of that or the misplaced birthday icon. 

[Ausmumof3]

I would think his phone is playing up or he’s figuring out how to use it still...

 

[Megbo]

From the weird texts and what you shared about his personality, I would assume he's not a very social person and hasn't had much experience with texting. He probably feels unsure about what to say in the group message, and might be typing messages and then erasing them. 

My father is an otherwise fully functioning professional adult who has never sent a text message (he calls immediately to respond to any he receives ?), so I don't read too much into people's texting skills. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would assume that he accidentally put a heart emoji and tried to delete it but the phone told on him (like on this forum where we can’t edit without the software putting a note to that effect). 

[regentrude]

" removed a heart from the text" sounds like the text was the phone's edit log. (No idea if something like that exists). As for the balloons, that sounds like an accident.  I am a functioning professional adult and hate texting and never use emojis in text because I don't care to spend the time to figure them out. 

[mumto2]

I am a dreadful at texting and I would guess my brother’s are worse than me. We have never tried to each other.  I wouldn’t think a thing beyond he can’t work his phone.  I only text if I have to, I hate it.  He is probably very frustrated by this text chain.

[marbel]

 I've had some weird text problems too.  For a little while almost every text I sent included a .gif of Chuck Norris giving a thumbs-up because I'd sent one to someone one time and every time I texted it would come up, and more often than not I'd somehow inset it into the text without realizing it. Finally I figured out what I was doing and was able to text without Chuck.  

If his behavior is otherwise normal for him, I wouldn't give it another thought. Not everyone is a good texter, and not to slam on old people (because I am one myself) it is not as easy skill for everyone to acquire. A lot of people I know feel forced into it because "that's how people communicate these days" but find it stressful and difficult. I prefer texting to calling most of the time, but I am slow and clumsy.  

[Garga]

9 minutes ago, marbel said:

 I've had some weird text problems too.  For a little while almost every text I sent included a .gif of Chuck Norris giving a thumbs-up because I'd sent one to someone one time and every time I texted it would come up, and more often than not I'd somehow inset it into the text without realizing it. Finally I figured out what I was doing and was able to text without Chuck.  

 

 

This has me laughing until my eyes are watering!  

 

[Lady Florida.]

It really sounds like he has no idea how to use a smart phone. Removed a heart probably means he accidentally put one and for some reason thought someone might see it anyway, so he explained that he removed it.

It sounds a lot like my FIL when he went on facebook. He didn't understand when he was posting on his own wall and when he was commenting on someone's post. He'd then post either on his wall or in comments that "I said such and such when so and so said whatever but I don't see it anywhere." 

The 60 yo bit kind of floors me. I feel like that's pretty young to be so tech illiterate, although dh (just turned 65) does some eye rolling things when he texts. And yet he was a computer nerd in the 80s when it really was only nerds who were into computers. 

[Rachel]

I bet he has an iPhone. You can send texts with effects (balloons, confetti, spotlight, and more). You can also reply to an individual text with a small thumbs up, heart, haha... If you use these features with people who don’t have an iPhone, it sends a message that says something along the lines of “sent with heart”. 

Edited September 7, 2018 by Rachel
Added picture

[Scarlett]

10 hours ago, Quill said:

DH uses talk to text all the time and I get some really funny misheard texts. 

I use Voice to text all of the time. And Siri.   A few days ago I told dh I was making chicken and shallot us. 

 

[katilac]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

For a little while almost every text I sent included a .gif of Chuck Norris giving a thumbs-up  

1

 

?

[marbel]

45 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

<snip>

The 60 yo bit kind of floors me. I feel like that's pretty young to be so tech illiterate, although dh (just turned 65) does some eye rolling things when he texts. And yet he was a computer nerd in the 80s when it really was only nerds who were into computers. 

I think there are just some things that aren't intuitive/easy for certain people, even if other seemingly-related things are.

It's amazing to me the wide range of technical capability.  I work as a customer service rep for a bank. I get a surprising number of calls from people in their 30s who can't figure out how to log into online banking and can't even explain their problem to me.  22-year-olds who can't see the help button on their mobile app. It's also the younger people who obviously don't try to figure things out on their own, but call immediately for help.  

[regentrude]

It's actually a thing and completely unintentional on his part. Just google "removed heart from text".

 

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

The 60 yo bit kind of floors me. I feel like that's pretty young to be so tech illiterate

It doesn't have necessarily anything to do with being tech illiterate. It may simply be that the person does not find it worth the trouble to spend time to figure out this particular aspect of the device. Being 60 can mean being over the  "excited to try out any new tech gadget". People may become more selective  what they consider worth the hassle.

I am a scientist, teach online classes, program my websites in html,  have taught myself to use video recording and editing software and produce all my own videos, am our department's social media coordinator - and I don't care to spend enough time on my phone to explore everything it can do. I find it cumbersome because the screen is small and the typing is clumsy,  and I refuse to conduct extended text message exchanges because I find it inconvenient. My kids know that for anything requiring more than a quick reply, they should use messenger so I can type on my computer. I am not "tech illiterate", just selective about where I spend my efforts.

 

Edited September 7, 2018 by regentrude

[kitten18]

1 hour ago, Rachel said:

I bet he has an iPhone. You can send texts with effects (balloons, confetti, spotlight, and more). You can also reply to an individual text with a small thumbs up, heart, haha... If you use these features with people who don’t have an iPhone, it sends a message that says something along the lines of “sent with heart”. 

Yes and if you’re in a group text and some people have android then it doesn’t show up on the text like it does on Iphone. 

It will just say “added heart to text”, “removed heart from text”, “laughed at text”, etc. 

I'm in several family group texts. None of what you’ve describe seems particularly strange. 

[Lady Florida.]

12 minutes ago, regentrude said:

It doesn't have necessarily anything to do with being tech illiterate. It may simply be that the person does not find it worth the trouble to spend time to figure out this particular aspect of the device. Being 60 can mean being over the  "excited to try out any new tech gadget". People may become more selective  what they consider worth the hassle.

I am a scientist, teach online classes, program my websites in html,  have taught myself to use video recording and editing software and produce all my own videos, am our department's social media coordinator - and I don't care to spend enough time on my phone to explore everything it can do. I find it cumbersome because the screen is small and the typing is clumsy,  and I refuse to conduct extended text message exchanges because I find it inconvenient. My kids know that for anything requiring more than a quick reply, they should use messenger so I can type on my computer. I am not "tech illiterate", just selective about where I spend my efforts.

 

That might be true for many but I've also seen people my age (give or take a few years) get shown something over and over and still not get it. Dh was using CompuServe and Prodigy and writing his own DOS programs back in the day, while I was having my developmentally disabled students teach me how to use the brand new Apple IIe we got for our classroom. Fast forward to today and he has been shown repeatedly how to handle group messages but still doesn't get it. He still confuses text with email with messenger. I OTOH, have fully embraced new technology and am totally in love with smart phones and tablets. The man launches rockets for a living but believe it or not they don't actually use the latest and greatest at Canaveral AF Station. They're doing it with old tech and home tech is way past what they use there (though Elon Musk is helping them move to the 21st century). 

I just think the age issue is overused. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were born the same year as me. Gates is 2 days older than me. Our 41yo nephew who used to build his own computers as a teen and used to embrace the saying that "Windows is for people who can't handle DOS" has trouble using his phone. It annoys me when age is blamed. I keep saying it's a personality and preference thing (which I think is what you're saying too) and I get annoyed when age is blamed. Yes, after a certain age that's true but I don't think 60 is that certain age. 

[regentrude]

5 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

That might be true for many but I've also seen people my age (give or take a few years) get shown something over and over and still not get it. Dh was using CompuServe and Prodigy and writing his own DOS programs back in the day, while I was having my developmentally disabled students teach me how to use the brand new Apple IIe we got for our classroom. Fast forward to today and he has been shown repeatedly how to handle group messages but still doesn't get it. He still confuses text with email with messenger. I OTOH, have fully embraced new technology and am totally in love with smart phones and tablets. The man launches rockets for a living but believe it or not they don't actually use the latest and greatest at Canaveral AF Station. They're doing it with old tech and home tech is way past what they use there (though Elon Musk is helping them move to the 21st century). 

I just think the age issue is overused. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were born the same year as me. Gates is 2 days older than me. Our 41yo nephew who used to build his own computers as a teen and used to embrace the saying that "Windows is for people who can't handle DOS" has trouble using his phone. It annoys me when age is blamed. I keep saying it's a personality and preference thing (which I think is what you're saying too) and I get annoyed when age is blamed. Yes, after a certain age that's true but I don't think 60 is that certain age. 

I agree! It can't be blamed on age alone, at least not a young age of 60 where most people are still in possession of their cognitive faculties. I find that it has to do with interest. I have older colleagues who embrace technology and master everything since they are interested in doing so, and others who actively refuse to have anything to do with it. And I would take "not getting it" in an otherwise intelligent person as a sign that they, deep in their heart, do not actually care enough to master this skill. Learning anything new requires paying active attention and a mindset of wanting to learn this particular thing. If that's not there, you can be shown over and over again, and will always forget.

Edited September 7, 2018 by regentrude

[Guest]

3 hours ago, regentrude said:

It's actually a thing and completely unintentional on his part. Just google "removed heart from text".

 

Yes, it was exactly like this. Rachel’s explanation makes sense, too. 

[marbel]

2 hours ago, Dotwithaperiod said:

Yes. I realize it’s not necessarily an age thing, but at my age, I have very little interest in all the new gadgets. A piece of plastic sitting on my table turning on the light/tv/washing machine for me? I find it a bit laughable. I don’t need it, so I don’t feel the need to dive in to it. Similar to my feelings for the insta-pot, lol. I don’t care to debate what age it starts at, tho I do believe those older are probably more inclined to not want to spend the time or money to make their lives “ easier” or more fun.

We only got smart phones when DS went to college.DH just got one last year. He spent his entire career on computers, but cares nothing for the phone beyond texting. I don’t have any apps on mine except for FB and a public radio podcast thingie. Our son has learned that we don’t always successfully hang up the phone after he calls us, so he sneakily waits and then says “Hey Ma, I can still heeaarr you!” 

There’s only so many hours in a day and they can’t all be spent trying to pass level 228 in Candy Crush!

My husband spent almost all of his working life in technology too, and he is the same way.  I think that a lot of people assume "techies" are interested in everything computer-related, want their kids to be using computers at a young age, and are easily wooed by the latest and greatest technology.  Of course some are. But not all.  He sees the phone, computer, etc as tools. He wants the tools to work but beyond his needs, he is not interested.

Edited September 7, 2018 by marbel

[Guest]

Quote

Yes. I realize it’s not necessarily an age thing, but at my age, I have very little interest in all the new gadgets. A piece of plastic sitting on my table turning on the light/tv/washing machine for me? I find it a bit laughable

Yeah, I feel this way about Alexa and Echo, etc., too. 

[Lori D.]

19 minutes ago, Quill said:

Yeah, I feel this way about Alexa and Echo, etc., too. 

Which leads me to link this hilarious SNL sketch once again: Amazon Echo. (:D

[Garga]

4 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

That might be true for many but I've also seen people my age (give or take a few years) get shown something over and over and still not get it. Dh was using CompuServe and Prodigy and writing his own DOS programs back in the day, while I was having my developmentally disabled students teach me how to use the brand new Apple IIe we got for our classroom. Fast forward to today and he has been shown repeatedly how to handle group messages but still doesn't get it. He still confuses text with email with messenger. I OTOH, have fully embraced new technology and am totally in love with smart phones and tablets. The man launches rockets for a living but believe it or not they don't actually use the latest and greatest at Canaveral AF Station. They're doing it with old tech and home tech is way past what they use there (though Elon Musk is helping them move to the 21st century). 

I just think the age issue is overused. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were born the same year as me. Gates is 2 days older than me. Our 41yo nephew who used to build his own computers as a teen and used to embrace the saying that "Windows is for people who can't handle DOS" has trouble using his phone. It annoys me when age is blamed. I keep saying it's a personality and preference thing (which I think is what you're saying too) and I get annoyed when age is blamed. Yes, after a certain age that's true but I don't think 60 is that certain age. 

 

My mom is 68, but she decided right around when she turned 50 that she didn’t like technology.  Well, she’d decided that earlier, but around that point, she decided that she wasn’t going to try to learn anything new, and she even finds it offensive when other people use it.  She told me of when she was trying to find a new church.  In one church, the pastor used his ipad to read from the bible and she haaaated that.  As if the word of God changed just because it was on a screen instead of on a page. 

Last time I saw her, she said that the world changed and it’s no longer hers.  She’s just waiting until she dies and it’s all over.  Don’t get me wrong; she’s cheery and loves being alive, but she feels like the world changed and it’s not one she likes in regards to technology.  I was using my cell phone to take pictures of our vacation with them, and she would get tense when it was out.  I tried to explain that instead of lugging my good camera 2500 miles (and it’s somewhat heavy), that this was how I take pictures.  It still bugged her that the phone was out, even though I used it almost exclusively as a camera.

For me, I tend to have a like/dislike relationship with some technology.  I feel like I don’t have the time to sit and learn a new phone right away, so if will sit there for a while before I start to learn it.  And I don’t always bother to learn everything about it.  I’m just not that interested. 

And I’m a little cynical as well, at 45.  I get tired of the merry-go-round of new tech and updates. I spend time to learn something and then, oops! It’s outdated!  Time to learn the new update!  I’m tired of learning new updates. So I sort of get people saying, “Oh forget it!  I just won’t learn it at all!”

 

ETA: I do try to hide my cynicsm and fatigue about new tech, because it’s a tiresome attitiude to the people around me who still love technology and its changes. And since I don't’ like being around tiresome people, I don’t want to be tiresome.

Edited September 7, 2018 by Garga

[Garga]

34 minutes ago, Quill said:

Yeah, I feel this way about Alexa and Echo, etc., too. 

 

My dh loves his Alexa.  It turns on his coffee pot for him in the morning, it turns off the light across the room for him when he’s going to bed, it turns on the window A/C in the boys’ upstairs room (the upstairs doesn’t have central air), and it turns on his fan when he’s at the computer.

The man is going to get really fat if he’s not careful.  ?.  Instead of walking into the kitchen, or across the room, or up the stairs, he just sits and calls out, “Computer!  Lights off!”  (He renamed his Alexa “Computer” like on Star Trek). “Computer, fan on!”  He’s going to be sooooo lazy!  But he’s just so tickled by the whole thing.  He loves Alexa/Computer.

[Guest]

44 minutes ago, Garga said:

 

My dh loves his Alexa.  It turns on his coffee pot for him in the morning, it turns off the light across the room for him when he’s going to bed, it turns on the window A/C in the boys’ upstairs room (the upstairs doesn’t have central air), and it turns on his fan when he’s at the computer.

The man is going to get really fat if he’s not careful.  ?.  Instead of walking into the kitchen, or across the room, or up the stairs, he just sits and calls out, “Computer!  Lights off!”  (He renamed his Alexa “Computer” like on Star Trek). “Computer, fan on!”  He’s going to be sooooo lazy!  But he’s just so tickled by the whole thing.  He loves Alexa/Computer.

We were at  a lady’s house for the banquet at the end of soccer season. The coach was about to pray over the meal and the lady called out, “Alexa, turn down the music.” Then the coach quipped, “Alexa, say a prayer!” ?

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Garga said:

 

My dh loves his Alexa.  It turns on his coffee pot for him in the morning, it turns off the light across the room for him when he’s going to bed, it turns on the window A/C in the boys’ upstairs room (the upstairs doesn’t have central air), and it turns on his fan when he’s at the computer.

The man is going to get really fat if he’s not careful.  ?.  Instead of walking into the kitchen, or across the room, or up the stairs, he just sits and calls out, “Computer!  Lights off!”  (He renamed his Alexa “Computer” like on Star Trek). “Computer, fan on!”  He’s going to be sooooo lazy!  But he’s just so tickled by the whole thing.  He loves Alexa/Computer.

We are generally early adopters, but I don't want a device in my house that is listening. Certainly not after the report of Alexa sending a recording of a private conversation to some random contact from the owners' address book.

[Guest]

24 minutes ago, regentrude said:

We are generally early adopters, but I don't want a device in my house that is listening. Certainly not after the report of Alexa sending a recording of a private conversation to some random contact from the owners' address book.

Yeah that bothers me about Alexa, too. Although I also wonder if the is true for my Fitbit, too, because my Fitbit tracks all my activity and it just makes me wonder. 

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Quill said:

Yeah that bothers me about Alexa, too. Although I also wonder if the is true for my Fitbit, too, because my Fitbit tracks all my activity and it just makes me wonder. 

As far as I am aware, fitbit does not record/receive audio

Edited September 7, 2018 by regentrude

[Guest]

No, it doesn’t.   

 

But wait! Maybe it does!!! ?

Maybe it’s part of the kinky porn industry and it is recording my potty breaks and exercising! 

[Lanny]

This might possibly come up with SMS messages going between iPhones and Androids?  I have received SMS messages with icons in them, from my wife, who has a much later version of Android than I do (mine is Android 4.4.2 which is from 2014).

Sometimes she sends me a message with something fancy in it and all I see is a Folder.  I cannot open the Folder.  That's Android (newer version) to Android (older version).

I bought a book, Android Phones for Dummies, because I wanted to learn how to use my phone when I got a Smart Phone.  If the gentleman mentioned in post #1 doesn't want to learn how to use his phone, that's his right.

If he has other issues that are causing strange behavior, then he should be evaluated by a Board Certified M.D., for Physical and Mental issues that might be causing his behavior Possibly by a Psychiatrist, but probably a well qualified G.P. could do the initial consultation.

[Pen]

Sounds pretty normal.

Makes me wonder if people are taking my cellphone glitches to indicate some severe dysfunction. Scary thought. 

@Quill what icon do you see here. ?.   ?

 

[TechWife]

6 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

I just think the age issue is overused. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were born the same year as me. Gates is 2 days older than me. Our 41yo nephew who used to build his own computers as a teen and used to embrace the saying that "Windows is for people who can't handle DOS" has trouble using his phone. It annoys me when age is blamed. I keep saying it's a personality and preference thing (which I think is what you're saying too) and I get annoyed when age is blamed. Yes, after a certain age that's true but I don't think 60 is that certain age. 

I agree, age isn't the thing! My mother used a tablet at the age of 86 - it's not age, it's interest, preference and/or personality.

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Pen said:

Sounds pretty normal.

Makes me wonder if people are taking my cellphone glitches to indicate some severe dysfunction. Scary thought. 

@Quill what icon do you see here. ?.   ?

 

A book

[Guest]

19 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I agree, age isn't the thing! My mother used a tablet at the age of 86 - it's not age, it's interest, preference and/or personality.

I remember a friend of mine being so proud of her father because he was always willing to try to learn new technology. He was one of the first people I knew who bought a digital camera (back when they still cost several thousand dollars), and he bought one of the original ipod shuffles and learned how to play his music on it. My friend was so proud of him. It stands out in my memory. It made me think, “I want to be like that as I grow older.”

Not that one should always adopt technology the moment it comes out and, indeed, I am “behind” on lots of things, especially anything requiring great internet (don’t have it where I live). But just that openness - it was admirable. This man had that open curiosity to new wonders and a willingness to give them a try. It was cool.

[Pen]

20 minutes ago, Quill said:

A book

 

 

Good.  I put a ❤️, then deleted that and put a book. ?

[Jean in Newcastle]

You don't have to buy everything to be up on the latest technology (at least in a cursory way). 

I have a tale of two elderly fathers.  One (dh's) is up on current technology and to some degree current culture.  This doesn't mean that he's learned to floss (the dance move) but he can converse and interact in contemporary culture with his grandkids and uses what works for him.  He has Alzheimers but that doesn't stop him from continually learning.  The other (mine) bashed anything "new" after the 1960's.  His bah-humbug attitude kept him from conversing and interacting and kept him from using some things that would have enriched his life and the life of my mom. 

Edited September 8, 2018 by Jean in Newcastle