Does a messy house = out of control life?

[CAMom]

I didn't see a good option for me.:) My house is sometimes messy but my life is in no way out of control.

[PrairieAir]

I didn't vote. My house is usually fairly tidy and my life is usually fairly under control. Neither my house nor my life are perfect, but the more clutter I have lying around, the more out of control my life feels. Clutter definitely gets in the way and bogs me down. I cannot see how anyone can live with the type of clutter shown on some of these shows and the people who I have known who have clutter to that extent also have very disorganized lives and do not have control of their time. Too much time is spent trying to figure out where things are and what they were supposed to do next. They are overwhelmed by their stuff and their schedules. I know that even a small fraction of the clutter some people have would completely immobilize me. I have my little areas of clutter (photos, paperwork, craft/sewing materials), but if these start to creep beyond the boundaries I've set for them, I start to feel like I'm losing my mind. And I don't mean a little bit. I feel like I'm completely losing control and ready to come unhinged. I'm cranky and depressed if I don't have a certain amount of control over the clutter.

______________

ETA: Clutter can be a too packed schedule or emotional clutter as well as physical objects.

[PrairieAir]

I can echo what others have said along the lines of I'd rather be living my life, not just dusting it. A spotless house is not my chief priority (unless I am having sleepover company).

 

 

After reading several of the replies in this thread (after posting my own), I think I need to clarify what *I* mean by cluttered. I'm not talking about a house which isn't spotless. My house is rarely spotless. Dust and dirty windows is not clutter. I'm talking about limited mobility due to too much stuff. I'm talking lack of places to sit. For me, too much clutter doesn't have to be either of those but just too many little piles and little things lying about: a stack of papers here, the bills spread out all over the dining room table, the clean laundry unfolded and heaped high in the basket, the dirty laundry all over the kids bedroom and bathroom floors, everyone's dishes and school books left lying around, etc. It doesn't take long to pick up most of that clutter, but there are always the things that don't seem to have a place. Those things especially drive me crazy because I don't know what to do with them and they are usually things I feel I can't get rid of.

[Lovedtodeath]

Okay, what does "out of control" mean?? If I said my life was out of control, I would be near suicide or murder. What do others mean by it?

 

Anyone else want to explain?

 

I didn't see a good option for me.:) My house is sometimes messy but my life is in no way out of control.

 

How about "My house is messy and my life is under control"? Or is the sometimes a hangup for you?

 

Well, I think the fact that those with neat and tidy houses do not feel like their life is out of control shows a little bit of correlation. :)

 

I am just wondering if a neat and tidy house will make me feel better. I am thinking it might. When we stayed in the company timeshare we had to do the housecleaning, but it was so easy due to lack of clutter, and the condo was a relaxing place to be. Then again, I could count on DH help while we were there too, and it was half the size of my house, plus I did not have to entertain the kids with the stuff in the condo, so I am not totally sure.

[melissel]

I do not fulfill my priorities (spiritual or personal), or my plans. I am late everywhere I go, (if I go, which is not often). It is rare that I make plans to see friends (like once every 6 months or so). I am embarassed to have company almost all of the time. And I think the phrase "I hate my life" at least once a day. I do find that I can sometimes change my attitude, it's just bad more often than not. All that, and I am tons better now than I was a year ago.

 

:grouphug: I totally hear you.

 

In my case, it's the fact that I'm working and I have little ones too. My life isn't horribly out of control--no one's going hungry, and there are no bugs climbing on anything (unless you count our friendly spiders and our annual influx of ladybugs :rolleyes:)--but it's out of control enough for me to be unhappy. The yard looks horrible (our neighbors are going to form a lynch mob if our yard guys don't show up and clear four oak trees worth of leaves!), the kids' toys get left out in the rain, the house is cluttered enough that I can't vacuum or clean the tables really well because I can't get to them, etc. I don't have enough hours in the day right now--some weeks I'm a great employee, mom, and teacher, but I'd be horrified if anyone came by to visit. Some weeks the house is fine and work is fine, but we did no schoolwork and never made it to the grocery store, so we eat takeout most of the week. Etc...

 

So yeah, in my case it's a sign of an out of control life. Sometimes I just can't take 45 minutes to clean the dishes and kitchen after dinner when I have to put the kids to bed and then sprint downstairs to finish a report so it can be live on the site by midnight, then accidentally fall asleep at my desk and wake in the morning in time to start the whole cycle all over again :glare: Have I mentioned here that I hate my job? *sigh*

[gardenschooler]

Well, so far the majority of night owls have messy houses. I am glad I am not alone, but maybe we should all be getting to bed? :D That's the problem. :lol:

 

Night owl neat freak here. :D

[Nestof3]

Night owl neat freak here. :D

 

Same here.

[Annie Laurie]

After reading several of the replies in this thread (after posting my own), I think I need to clarify what *I* mean by cluttered. I'm not talking about a house which isn't spotless. My house is rarely spotless. Dust and dirty windows is not clutter. I'm talking about limited mobility due to too much stuff. I'm talking lack of places to sit. For me, too much clutter doesn't have to be either of those but just too many little piles and little things lying about: a stack of papers here, the bills spread out all over the dining room table, the clean laundry unfolded and heaped high in the basket, the dirty laundry all over the kids bedroom and bathroom floors, everyone's dishes and school books left lying around, etc. It doesn't take long to pick up most of that clutter, but there are always the things that don't seem to have a place. Those things especially drive me crazy because I don't know what to do with them and they are usually things I feel I can't get rid of.

 

Ditto, my house is never spotless. Dust and such I can live with, and have to, because with hsing and kids here all day there's no way everything is going to be perfect all of the time. But your explanation is one I can commiserate with- it's clutter more than anything. If there's too many toys lying around, laundry piled up, etc, it really gets me down so that I have to keep on top of it.

[KidsHappen]

I am OCD. By the time my second became a toddler, I thought I would go insane. After two more, I figured out that I could give up my sanity or my standards. So my house is not as clean as I would like it to be but I figure it can be picture perfect when my kids are grown. In the mean time, it is bareable. I don't even know how to answer the other part. We are safe, healthy, happy, clothed, fed and housed and that is good enough me. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

My life in control (sort of). My house is out of control! I am dealing with 15 years of chronic pain and fatigue that has limited my ability to take care of all my housekeeping responsibilities. I am slowly starting to regain some of my health (I still have good days/bad days). I am slowly starting to regain some of my control over the house. But as with all of you, I can't concentrate solely on the house and so it can be frustrating. What is esp. frustrating for me is that I would like to be able to invite people over more. I can handle a small gathering - one family that confines themselves to our more respectable areas of the house. But I can't handle the big gatherings where children are everywhere in the house and yard. And that makes me feel like I don't have control over the hospitality area of my life. But then I realize that right now even if my house was in control I probably don't have enough strength and energy to host such an event anyway! So I need to just give that dream (and it is a dream of mine to be able to host large gatherings) up to God for right now.

[Renee in NC]

My life is out of control and my house is a disaster.

 

We moved about 2 months ago and most stuff doesn't have a "home." The new place wasn't entirely done when we moved in, so there is no flooring in the hallway, for example.

 

I hope to get the house under control so that once we close our lives won't seem so out of control.

[Annabel Lee]

My house is messy and my life is out of control. Add homeschooling to that. Eek. Yes, I'm an insomniac nightowl too. :)

[Just Me]

My house is neat because I work very hard to keep it that way. And although my life is by no means perfect, I don't feel as out of control as I have in the past. So for me, 'Life is Good!'

[swellmomma]

My house is messy because of the chaos in my life not the other way around. I only every get the whole house done top to bottom once a year and it takes sending all the kids to grandma's for the weekend to accomplish that. WIth 4 kids, 1 of which is a baby, 2 with special needs not only does my house cleaning get shuffled to the priority pile but the kids are tornados destroying it. I do not mean messing it up, I mean destroying it. My oldest has broken doors, carved up his bed(within days of bringing it home), put holes in walls with scissors, knives and screwdrivers etc. I spend so much time and energy just trying to stop the destruction, schooling, extra currics, working, meal prep etc I have no time left for cleaning. THe kids don't often fall asleep before 11 pm (due to the adhd keeping their minds reeling late), I have to sit right upstairs until they do or they are into things upstairs, at 11 pm I am too tired to start the house work, so it gets neglected. That said my life is not out of control, just chaotic, One day things will calm down, the baby will get older, my Ker will stop making messes while trying to prepare his own snacks etc, the older 2 will hopefully start maturing and stopping the craziness despite their adhd, and I will once again be able to keep a clean house. Until that day, I will live in my mess and do what I can for my kids.

[homeschoolmomtutu]

My house is pretty tidy and I feel control in our lives (contentment)...but we have occasional hot spots...I think this is part of being creative homeschoolers who like to dig in, deconstruct and have many physical learning process projects going on at any time...but it is controlled and benefits us...we feel enriched (not drowned) by our edu-messes...and the home as a whole is clean and tidy besides...we don't have other types of messes, nor do we junk collect...once a project is done and documented we toss it after a week or so (unless it is something like pottery, etc...)...We have the memories and pics, but not the clutter that will crowd out our new and next endeavor!

Edited November 17, 2008 by homeschoolmomtutu

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

A tidy house is like having a clean piece of canvas. I can think, work, be more creative if I'm not worrying about the space around me.

[homeschoolmomtutu]

:iagree:That is exactly how I feel...it is a gift to me, my family, and our whole lives...social, educational, work, and domestic

[Lovedtodeath]

My house is messy because of the chaos in my life not the other way around. I only every get the whole house done top to bottom once a year and it takes sending all the kids to grandma's for the weekend to accomplish that. WIth 4 kids, 1 of which is a baby, 2 with special needs not only does my house cleaning get shuffled to the priority pile but the kids are tornados destroying it. I do not mean messing it up, I mean destroying it. My oldest has broken doors, carved up his bed(within days of bringing it home), put holes in walls with scissors, knives and screwdrivers etc. I spend so much time and energy just trying to stop the destruction, schooling, extra currics, working, meal prep etc I have no time left for cleaning. THe kids don't often fall asleep before 11 pm (due to the adhd keeping their minds reeling late), I have to sit right upstairs until they do or they are into things upstairs, at 11 pm I am too tired to start the house work, so it gets neglected. That said my life is not out of control, just chaotic, One day things will calm down, the baby will get older, my Ker will stop making messes while trying to prepare his own snacks etc, the older 2 will hopefully start maturing and stopping the craziness despite their adhd, and I will once again be able to keep a clean house. Until that day, I will live in my mess and do what I can for my kids.

 

Did I write this? :grouphug: I can so relate, sister.

[Unicorn.]

My house is messy. REALLY messy! But my friend's 13 yo ds told me not to apologize for it. He said I have my priorities straight, and I'm providing my children w/ a fulfilling, active life. I LOVE that kid! Umm, and I'm going to have that comment painted on a sign and put it on my front door!

[PrairieAir]

Is anyone else reading this thread (or the entire board) to avoid cleaning their clutter? I've got major pre-Thanksgiving cleaning to do and here I sit catching up on a thread about clutter.:leaving:

[Melinda in VT]

For me, being in control means that I know where my bills are and they are paid on time; I can put my hands on the library books when it is time to return them; we can all get dressed in the morning without having to do a mad search for clothes and shoes; when it's meal time there is food in the house to cook, dishes to eat it on, and space in the kitchen to prepare it; and we are where we have committed to be and on time.

 

In general, things are pretty good, although we're still working on the library books. The kids' bedrooms are messier than I would like, but the main living areas get picked up every day, so if I need to I can just close the doors to the kids' rooms. (Until I need library books.:001_huh:)

[Desert Rat]

I can't remain sane with a messy house. No way, no how. I'm better than I used to be and limit myself to just one cleaning day a week. But I do straighten up a couple times a day. If the house is cluttered, my mind is cluttered.

[WTMindy]

I can't answer for everyone, but when my house is messy, either it is because things are out of control or it makes me feel as though things are out of control. Both dh and I like a clean house and we both work to make it that way. I know not everyone has the same priorities, so I wouldn't say that if someone's house is messy, their life is out of control.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm one of those "disorganized first-borns". While I keep it clean, we are a bit untidy most of the time. But, I know exactly where everything is.

[happyWImom]

Well, so far the majority of night owls have messy houses. I am glad I am not alone, but maybe we should all be getting to bed? :D That's the problem. :lol:

 

Amen, sister!:iagree: Also, yes we should be doing a lot more, but when it's a nice day, I want to be outside, or do a craft, or read-okay, I hate cleaning.:tongue_smilie: But, I do want to be an example, so I'm going to try and do better.

[YJ in AL]

If we could just get rid of the paper piles, life would be easier.

 

Yvonne

[Tutor]

My house is messy, in part, because it isn't my top priority.

 

Who has time to keep up with cleaning?

 

 

This is me as well. Another contributing factor for me is that I am a perfectionist who feels that if I can't do something perfectly, why do it at all? (I'm working on that. :D )

[SnowWhite]

I would rather organize my life than do housework. :D My life is very orderly, my house is...not horrendous, but nor does it qualify to be in Better Homes and Gardens. I do what is necessary to keep things sanitary and regularly ignore clutter, dusting, stuff like that...until company is coming, then I finally take care of it. ;)

 

Heather

 

:iagree:

 

I also think there are different levels of messy. My house is messy from my husband's point of view. From the point of view of my family (aunts, mom, brothers), it's pretty clean most of the time. It's all a matter of perspective.

[cricket1178]

I'm not sure there is really any connection between messy house and messy life or clean house then controlled life, but for me, I can't function in a cluttered house. Both husband and I like a clean house. Life just seems a little less hectic when things are where they belong.

[kewb]

My house is a mess because when it comes to housework I just don't want to do it. I hate cleaning, I hate decluttering. There are so many things I would rather be doing then getting rid of my favorite pets (the dust bunnies) or going through that giant stack of books that is about to topple. I know where everything is in my chaos. It is when I get it in my head that I should find a home for everything that I can not find anything.

[lovemywhirlygirls]

I voted that my life is in control and the house is neat and tidy. Let me assure you that this was not always the case. I abhor cleaning my own....anything. Happy to clean, help declutter, reorganize anyone else's space.

 

I would say that there have been two contributing factors to my turning over a new leaf. The first most definitely came when my girls were infants and I fed them my pumped milk in bottles. I quickly became a control freak about cleaning the bottles and all of that "stuff" immediately. Usually to do this, I had to clear out anything that had piled up in the sink. I found it was no fun to have to dig through a sink of dirty dishes in the middle of the night, baby screaming for milk, while I fumbled to find bottles and nipples etc. and THEN, baby still screaming, have to wash it all before I could use it. The peace that came from doing this one thing was amazing and contagious.

 

Fast forward to my current life, home full time with the kids (I worked full time until 2 years ago) and you all know how messy it can get with kids playing and learning all day. The second thing that has helped me the most was assigning chores. Our current plan is that the girls and I each have a list of things that we do twice a week (Mondays & Thursdays). With all of us working, accompanied by loud happy music, we can get a lot done in 45 minutes. We have 7 rooms downstairs (living room, dining room, kitchen/laundry room, den, office, bathroom and guest room). We get all of these rooms vacuumed/swept, all house trash and recycling gathered and taken out, bathroom cleaned, kitchen cleaned, all random toys/belongings gathered and taken back upstairs, laundry closet tidied (coats hung up, shoes organized in cubby, individual baskets tidied), stairs vacuumed, dirty clothes collected and sorted, all furniture dusted). We also do a before-Daddy-gets-home 10 minute tidy and the girls are responsible to tidy their rooms before they come down to breakfast. We are also making an effort to pick up as we go through the day.

 

So, my house is NOT a showhouse, but for the first time EVER my house is neat enough that I would not be horrified at all if/when someone drops by. I am no longer embarrassed to have people come over. I FEEL much more peaceful and content. We do deeper cleans once monthly.

 

I got really motivated to do better with keeping the house neat and tidy when my husband made a few comments about how it felt for him to come home after working all day. He'd throw open the door to find shoes/clothes left where the girls dropped them after coming inside from playing, miscellaneous cups on the counter and table, toys left out, blankets on the floor and over the edge of the couch....you know...that kind of stuff. It made me think about the times I leave the girls with him to go out and do X and what it feels like to return to dishes in the sink, clothes/shoes/books/toys strewn about. It's a visual assault to walk in to all of that clutter/mess. Makes me want to turn around and go back out of the house. He was coming home to that every day. I didn't want my dh to feel that way....ever...much less on a daily basis. So, we made the commitment to chores. My girls are learning how to do things well. They are learning that a few minutes of focus can REALLY change things. We are all learning to respect each other more by considering each other. It's been good.

 

So, I'm thrilled to say that our house is pretty neat and tidy, I'm feeling peaceful and therefore my family feels peaceful. Come on over!

[Lovedtodeath]

This is a great story. Thanks. How/when did you begin implementing the chores with your girls? Bribes? (that's what I do)

[ereks mom]

I like beauty and neat but kids are better and we have loved the years of mess-generating homeschooling. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: