Beaniemom Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I have a respite caregiver for my son. She is coming this week while I take my oldest to an IEW workshop. (She's so excited to meet Andrew Pudewa). Now dh says he may take that day off to work on a paper and some other assignments due in his online class. I really want him to not take off that day. If he takes off, I have to cancel respite because he won't want her here. Ds and DD7 will be disappointed because they have been looking forward to having their "babysitter" and instead of getting tasks (school work, eating dinner, getting dance gear ready for when I get home) done they will get sent downstairs to be quiet which means videos or minecraft. I feel guilty for not wanting him to take off but it just complicates an already abnormally busy day. DH will not go to another location (like a nice, quiet library) because he doesn't trust public wifi so he insists on doing all his class work at home and other days this week don't work because of obligations at work. It's just frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I don't understand why he wouldn't want a babysitter around. The kids at home would be guaranteed to be out of his hair. I'd fight over this, personally. It doesn't make logical sense. But, to each his own. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Yeah, I'd go to the mattresses. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I'd push him in hopes he'll reconsider. It's a respite day for your other two kids, too. And they need it. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 So, he has the opportunity to do his work in peace AND the younger children get to stay in their routine (which sounds like it will keep the household ticking along) AND you and your oldest get to go on a much-anticipated outing? I think I would tell DH the plan and he could either work at home with the respite worker or make other plans around the ones you've already made. I don't know how difficult it is to get a respite caregiver, but I can't imagine cancelling one! 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 9, 2017 Author Share Posted September 9, 2017 I don't understand why he wouldn't want a babysitter around. The kids at home would be guaranteed to be out of his hair. I'd fight over this, personally. It doesn't make logical sense. But, to each his own. I understand why he doesn't want the caregiver here. He is a very introverted person and has only met her once so although I know her well, she is a stranger to him and it would be awkward for him. Still frustrating though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertstrawberry5 Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 D is the same way. He doesn't want other people in his space. But he has had to bite the bullet to make allowances for luna's therapists. Can you talk some sense into him? Can he stay locked in his room? Can you just not budge on this one. It's already arranged and you need this. The end. I'm sorry. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I'd tel him I wasn't cancelling the respite worker - you need her there. He can figure out what he wants to do about it - he's a big boy. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Yeah, I'm sorry, but respite worker would be staying. My dh has learned that he can still do his work if our dd's caregiver is here, even though that isn't his preference. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I understand why he doesn't want the caregiver here. He is a very introverted person and has only met her once so although I know her well, she is a stranger to him and it would be awkward for him. Still frustrating though. Maybe you understand, but I don't. :) He's an adult. So what if he's introverted? He doesn't have to spend the day entertaining the respite worker; he can open the door, say hi to her, get her settled in with the kids, and excuse himself to go get his work done in another room. Done. End of story. What's awkward about that? :confused: 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I understand feeling awkward when someone is in your house - it's a weird thing when you are at home but you can't act like you are alone. But, you can't just dictate everyone else's day. If it were me, I'd find a different place to go. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artichoke Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I have a respite caregiver for my son. She is coming this week while I take my oldest to an IEW workshop. (She's so excited to meet Andrew Pudewa). Now dh says he may take that day off to work on a paper and some other assignments due in his online class. I really want him to not take off that day. If he takes off, I have to cancel respite because he won't want her here. Ds and DD7 will be disappointed because they have been looking forward to having their "babysitter" and instead of getting tasks (school work, eating dinner, getting dance gear ready for when I get home) done they will get sent downstairs to be quiet which means videos or minecraft. I feel guilty for not wanting him to take off but it just complicates an already abnormally busy day. DH will not go to another location (like a nice, quiet library) because he doesn't trust public wifi so he insists on doing all his class work at home and other days this week don't work because of obligations at work. It's just frustrating. How about if the respite worker and the kids spend most of their time downstairs? Personally, I wouldn't cancel the respite worker just because dh would be uncomfortable. I'm a firm believer that my husband is the head of our family, but this would be a time that I stood firm. He seems to be placing his personal comfort level over the needs of the rest of the family. That's not cool. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I am a person who's son qualifies for respite and we even have an agency that provides workers. I HATE having people in my home when I'm home. I can't rest. I can't be myself. I always feel like I have to be doing something intensely to feel like the respite is warranted. I've canceled the only two respite appointments I've made and switched agencies to one I feel more comfortable with. I totally get why your husband would want to cancel. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I am a person who's son qualifies for respite and we even have an agency that provides workers. I HATE having people in my home when I'm home. I can't rest. I can't be myself. I always feel like I have to be doing something intensely to feel like the respite is warranted. I've canceled the only two respite appointments I've made and switched agencies to one I feel more comfortable with. I totally get why your husband would want to cancel. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk The problem is that he would be inconveniencing Beaniemom by canceling the scheduled respite worker just because he feels like taking the day off from work and working on a paper at home that day. It's not necessary for him to take that particular day off, and it's not necessary for him to make Beaniemom's life more difficult by canceling a respite worker who will require little, if any, interaction with him. That's not fair to Beaniemom. He can either take a different day off from work, or he can suck it up and deal with having the respite worker in the house with him and the kids. It's only one day. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I understand how he feels BUT the plans are already made, the respite worker is booked, the kids are excited. He is being childish by insisting that everyone else changes plans for his benefit. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I kinda get it. I think my dh wouldn't want anyone in the house... for one, "why am I paying someone to be in the home if I'm in the home" being one arguement and the other involving the way he dresses when no one is visiting :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Also, can he write the paper OFFLINE? And then upload it to the site later? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 How does he think he'll get all this work done while caring for two kids? He can suck it up and hide in a room and feel good knowing the kids aren't neglected that day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 How does he think he'll get all this work done while caring for two kids? He can suck it up and hide in a room and feel good knowing the kids aren't neglected that day. THat's what would tip it for me--he wouldn't be caring for the kids if he was home without the babysitter, he'd be sticking them in front of the telly or otherwise ignoring them. I do get it about the feeling like it wouldn't be a true day off because he's uncomfy, but, hey, I'd see it as a stretching opportunity. We all need them... ;-) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 He needs to put on his big boy pants and not mess up your and the kid's already planned day. Plus the respite worker may be counting on making $ - cancelling could harm your ability to get her to come again. He can work in a room separate from the respite worker and kids, do his paper off-line and upload it later if no wifi in the room. He needs to accommodate you guys, not the other way around. I take it respite worker will still keep the kids doing some tasks/school - well,if she is not there then HUBBY has to do those things, and would not have time for his work anyway, Tell him you are NOT cancelling the kid's school etc. so HE can be at home with no respite worker. She is coming. End of story. The kids will be upstairs doing their work etc, with respite worker. He can met her, get to know her a tad, then work elsewhere in the house. Or pick a different day to be home. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 It sounded to me that if he stayed home he expected the OP to stay home and take care of the kids - that's why it would ruin their plans. That's just not on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 It sounded to me that if he stayed home he expected the OP to stay home and take care of the kids - that's why it would ruin their plans. That's just not on. Yes, that's what I thought, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 (edited) Can the respite worker transport them and take them out for the day? A zoo or science museum? Any parks with walking trails, picnic area, place to ride bikes/scooters? If not, is there anywhere withing walking/stolling distance from your house? Edited September 10, 2017 by Tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 Can the respite worker transport them and take them out for the day? A zoo or science museum? Any parks with walking trails, picnic area, place to ride bikes/scooters? If not, is there anywhere withing walking/stolling distance from your house? I'm not sure the respite worker should be inconvenienced just because Beaniemom's dh decided he wants to take that particular day off from work and doesn't want to be bothered with having the respite worker in the house. I don't know why he can't just take a different day off from work if this is such a big deal to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beaniemom Posted September 10, 2017 Author Share Posted September 10, 2017 I have convinced him to take off Tuesday instead. Thanks for the everyone who weighed in. I do value the opinions of the boardies. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 I have convinced him to take off Tuesday instead. Thanks for the everyone who weighed in. I do value the opinions of the boardies. :hurray: I'm glad everything worked out! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted September 10, 2017 Share Posted September 10, 2017 (edited) Remind him (dh) WHY he's taking the day off. And that, if the babysitter isn't here, he won't get near as much of that done as he hopes because he WILL be constantly interrupted. ETA: nevermind. Saw your last post after I posted. Edited September 10, 2017 by scrapbookbuzz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 11, 2017 Share Posted September 11, 2017 Good deal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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