Organizing, Decluttering, Dealing with mess so that...

[momacacia]

I can be a happy person. 😒

 

I can ignore the mess where they frequent for only so long, then I hit my limit. Do we just have too many toys and stuff or am I just not sufficiently organizing and training them to do all the things to keep carp off the floor and back in its home?

 

If you've ever been here, what worked for you? I have very little energy to deal with this, so decluttering/throwing/donating seems the easiest thing to do. But I hate to unnecessarily throw away things they might enjoy or we might use.

 

Does "it" bring me joy? Probably not, but I can't toss everything in a dumpster. Lol.

[maize]

Pretend you are moving overseas and have to pay to ship whatever you take.

 

What would you pack?

[Moonhawk]

This past weekend I started implementing the Konmari method.  I've resisted doing this for a long time, at least a few years.  But, I got the book, read it, and think it is what I have needed.  I've done my clothes and accessories, and my books so far.  It is a relief to only keep what I actually really like.  And since I am starting with my stuff, not kid stuff, I feel more liberated to get rid of more. The kids were excited to "help" with my clothes and want to do theirs now, lol. It's a relieving process. 

 

I don't think there is a problem with your (or my) organization or training of kids, necessarily.  In my case, it's just that there isn't enough room for everything, so even if we try to put everything away, there is always something that is going to be hanging out of the box or sitting haphazardly on top of a table.  And, realistically, they don't use everything, so there should be enough room for what they actually like.

 

As far as throwing away things they might use, I haven't gotten there yet, but I am thinking that if the thing isn't useful now, but it's making my life harder now, it's like I'm paying in "aggravation" to hold onto something for a what-if scenario.  It's like I'm renting my house to a future that is probably not going to happen.  And the future isn't paying me, I'm paying it, lol.  

[momacacia]

Pretend you are moving overseas and have to pay to ship whatever you take.

 

What would you pack?

That's a good perspective, but I think.I might put a lot of stuff in storage. ??? Christmas dishes? Camping gear? I'm not.trying to be dumb. Just sounds drastic.

[carriede]

I'm actually looking forward to selling our house soon because we MUST declutter to stage. My hope is we'll put a bunch of stuff in storage, then when we get our new house, we'll realize we don't need that stuff and get rid of it for good!

[maize]

That's a good perspective, but I think.I might put a lot of stuff in storage. ??? Christmas dishes? Camping gear? I'm not.trying to be dumb. Just sounds drastic.

Pretend you won't be coming back?

 

One thing I do is imagine a balance scale in my mind. When considering an object, on one side of the scale you put it's positive value in your life--do you use it often? Does it bring you particular joy? In the other side of the scale is whatever negative value the item has--is it very hard to take care of or store? Do you really like it and use it by choice? Basically, is this item more of a blesing or more of a burden to you. Don't consider how much you paid for it--that's sunk cost either way.

 

For me, camping gear would be a keeper because we use it and it adds value to our family. Christmas dishes would not because such things don't bring me particular joy and I find it burdensome to store them when not in use. Your equation though will be uniquely yours.

Edited November 23, 2016 by maize

[momacacia]

These are all such good words, Ladies. Thank you!

[meena]

I think a big key is regular maintenance. In order for this to work you have to:

 

(1) actually have places for items.

(2) be willing and able to pick up items and reorganize them/put them away on a regular basis. 

 

If you have too many items to properly put away, then this will never work and you need to declutter to reduce. If you and/or your kids don't have or make the time to maintain order, then you probably need to declutter to a more manageable quantity.

 

I give this advice as someone who struggles mightily with clutter but is capable of/likes organization.

[lanalouwho]

When I do a major declutter, I empty the space completely. Then I start putting stuff back where it belongs. Once all the shelves or drawers or whatever are holding a reasonable amount, I start looking at the stuff that doesn't have a spot. If I (or the kids) decide we want to keep it, then we have to get rid of something else to make room.

 

Not everything that is necessary to keep sparks joy. Sometimes, I have a thousand things that spark joy, but only room to store 500.

 

Being able to actually put everything away is what really makes me happy.

 

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[Slache]

Konmarie. It will take longer, but it is so worth it. It will be the best things you'll ever do for your home.

[Ausmumof3]

I am a KonMari failure I think.

 

What else is there?

[HomeAgain]

When I do a major declutter, I empty the space completely. Then I start putting stuff back where it belongs. Once all the shelves or drawers or whatever are holding a reasonable amount, I start looking at the stuff that doesn't have a spot. If I (or the kids) decide we want to keep it, then we have to get rid of something else to make room.

 

Not everything that is necessary to keep sparks joy. Sometimes, I have a thousand things that spark joy, but only room to store 500.

 

Being able to actually put everything away is what really makes me happy.

 

Sent from my HTCD160LVW using Tapatalk

 

This.

 

In fact, my 6yo just spent the past few days doing this to his room.  He was tired of feeling overwhelmed and started attacking one area at a time - he cut out books, baseball cards, entertainments...keeping reasonable amounts of each.  I was proud of him.

[prairiewindmomma]

We got rid of half of what we owned. We moved, downsized, and got rid of more. It has been WONDERFUL!

[HS Mom in NC]

  But I hate to unnecessarily throw away things they might enjoy or we might use.

 

This is the mindset that usually trips people up.  Absolutely every single manufactured and hand crafted item might be used or enjoyed, that's why it was manufactured in the first place.   That can't be the criteria for decluttering because then no one would ever get rid of much of anything except things they hate or know for sure isn't going to be used in the future.

 

Decluttering requires much narrower criteria:  Am I very likely to use this item in the near future? How likely?  And to determine likelihood you have to ask when you last used it and what your specific, scheduled plans are for the future. If you didn't use it in the last year and you're not recovering from surgery, haven't delivered a baby in the last year, you're not currently in treatment for a significant illness, you're not moving to a different climate in the next year, or some other life and activity altering unusual situation, then you should probably get rid of it.

 

No one should sacrifice peace and tranquility related to their possessions in the their present reality for the possibility of enjoying it in the future.  A certainty today is worth far more than a maybe tomorrow. Live now. If you get rid of that [insert name of hobby, sports, clothing, or household item here] now and five years from now you or your child are all of a sudden genuinely interested in it, what are the odds you could afford to replace the item new or used?  If you're in a difficult financial situation at that time, what are the odds a grandparent or friend will ask for a gift list for a birthday or Christmas for you or your child and purchase the item for you? How valuable is the experience of you or your child working and saving up for an item? Most of us will be in situations where we can find a way to replace the few items we might actually use later.

 

People who declutter regularly tend to give far more weight to a reason for getting rid of an item than they do to keeping it.  Those who struggle with decluttering tend to give more weight to a reason for keeping an item than getting rid of it. 

Edited November 23, 2016 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Lucy the Valiant]

You can put stuff in storage with a date on it - "DONATE BY MARCH 2017." (or however long you feel like is useful) And then, if you haven't dug into that box for something you need by that date, off it goes! (Do not open the lid!)

 

Our modern culture has come full circle in the last century - our grandparents hung onto every paperclip because in the Depression era, material goods were not easily had; our culture now has so much "stuff" that we have to constantly watch / purge / toss so that our homes don't become filled with junk. It's the exact opposite.

[displace]

I find a slobcomesclean.com blog very motivating.

[Ottakee]

My biggest issue is the other 6 people that live in my house. They are collectors and savers and don't see or mind messes at all.

[regentrude]

This is the mindset that usually trips people up.  Absolutely every single manufactured and hand crafted item might be used or enjoyed, that's why it was manufactured in the first place.   That can't be the criteria for decluttering because then no one would ever get rid of much of anything except things they hate or know for sure isn't going to be used in the future.

 

A friend of mine phrased it like this: Walmart is the giant storage place that stores every item under $20 for you that you might possibly need at some undetermined time in the future.

[TheReader]

One tip I have from when we actually did move internationally -- I couldn't bear to simply ditch the kids' toys, so rather than eliminate whole categories, I simply cut each category down to a reasonable amount/number. Did they really need 50 small toy cars and 15 monster trucks? No, 2 favorite monster trucks per kid, and 5 or so cars per kid, and it was still plenty to have fun with, in less than half the space. Did we need 4 potato heads and parts, or would one potato head and the assorted pieces be fine?

 

I evaluated all the category of toys like that, and bought plastic bins that would be packable (you could use whatever size fits on your shelves, or under their beds, or however storage best works). Each type of toy goes into one container. When the container is full, it's full. Period. Hint:don't get so giant a container that you don't have to eliminate anything. ;) For most things, a shoe box size container is really a perfect amount. (We did make exceptions for Lego....)

 

Also, use the time to eliminate anything that you are hanging onto for "they might love this one day...." Give yourself one box for sentimental items, be they toys, clothes, artwork, whatever, and follow the same rule -- when the box is full, it's full. If you have the space, you may do one box per kid. But the "pretend you are moving overseas" bit comes in when it forces you to think -- WHY am I saving this? Am I going to make a shadow box and display the outfit he wore home from the hospital? Will I give this to his child when he has one (and will his wife care to have it, or prefer to choose her own "coming home" outfit for her child?). Or is this going to sit in a box until I did, at which point the boys will toss it anyway, not even realizing what it is? If I photograph these items, and make a small photo album with the pictures and stories, will that be just as good or even better, and is there some other thing I can do that will make me feel able to release this item?

 

Lastly, as others have said, how hard/easy/expensive is this to replace if you find out later that you really wish you'd kept it? We got rid of a lot of books for exactly that reason, the library is near, books are heavy and bulky, only one of my kids loves to read, and we could switch to eReaders, library books, etc. and so get rid of the clutter without sacrificing anything, really. On the other hand, the Lego came back and forth because all three boys love it, still, and it is $$$$ to replace. (True story: we came home from Brazil with only our luggage, no shipment, and we literally left behind clothing, including socks/undies, to make room for bringing home Lego sets without dismantling them....all a matter of "easy or hard to replace"). (I don't advise this for normal circumstances, though....)

 

In all our moves, there is only one thing I wished we'd kept, and that is I wish we had kept a few of the extra sentimental Thomas trains. I always meant to keep them all, but when we moved home we had no weight or space, and all our boys had outgrown them. We found a specific family to donate them to, and that made it easier....but I do wish we had kept one or two, just for sentiment. Which is silly, they would be sitting in a box, never seen, so really it would have been pointless. Still....for as many times as we have moved, and for all we left behind when we returned from Brazil, it feels very successful to only miss or regret that one thing. I share that to say, even the stuff that is hard to let go of....you won't miss it how you think you will.

[Hilltopmom]

I've been getting rid of stuff for a few years now. Really.

It gets easier each time I go through an area.

 

Now we're getting our house ready to sell & moving to a bigger place, but with less storage. I'm ruthless now!

 

Dh is finally on board too, now that things are noticeably cleaner & less cluttered (I was really good at storing stuff so it wasn't a mess). My current project has been younger kids homeschooling supplies, games, manipulatives.

My teens liked all that stuff when they were little & were a few years apart. My littles are closer in age & play together, but not with stuff, just running around. So, lots of that stuff is going. And reall, how many color, number, sorting, matching style games do they need?

 

Good luck!

[mommyoffive]

This is the mindset that usually trips people up.  Absolutely every single manufactured and hand crafted item might be used or enjoyed, that's why it was manufactured in the first place.   That can't be the criteria for decluttering because then no one would ever get rid of much of anything except things they hate or know for sure isn't going to be used in the future.

 

Decluttering requires much narrower criteria:  Am I very likely to use this item in the near future? How likely?  And to determine likelihood you have to ask when you last used it and what your specific, scheduled plans are for the future. If you didn't use it in the last year and you're not recovering from surgery, haven't delivered a baby in the last year, you're not currently in treatment for a significant illness, you're not moving to a different climate in the next year, or some other life and activity altering unusual situation, then you should probably get rid of it.

 

No one should sacrifice peace and tranquility related to their possessions in the their present reality for the possibility of enjoying it in the future.  A certainty today is worth far more than a maybe tomorrow. Live now. If you get rid of that [insert name of hobby, sports, clothing, or household item here] now and five years from now you or your child are all of a sudden genuinely interested in it, what are the odds you could afford to replace the item new or used?  If you're in a difficult financial situation at that time, what are the odds a grandparent or friend will ask for a gift list for a birthday or Christmas for you or your child and purchase the item for you? How valuable is the experience of you or your child working and saving up for an item? Most of us will be in situations where we can find a way to replace the few items we might actually use later.

 

People who declutter regularly tend to give far more weight to a reason for getting rid of an item than they do to keeping it.  Those who struggle with decluttering tend to give more weight to a reason for keeping an item than getting rid of it. 

 

This is so smart.

 

I need to read this everyday.

 

My house is out of control.  IT has been for awhile.  We are given sooooooo much it is nuts.  Way to much.  And we have been keeping it all since I felt like we should. 

I have been getting rid of things now.  I struggle with keeping things that are still in good shape that we could/might use sometime.

And then also with I should sell the stuff instead of just getting rid of it.  Which does slow up the process.

 

 

I love having less, so I really need to get on this harder and get rid of tons more.

[Hunter]

but I can't toss everything in a dumpster. Lol.

Actually, you can. :lol:

 

Stuff can harbor bugs, mold, and even absorb dead body smell. It requires space to store it and space costs money. Owning stuff is risky, expensive, and a pain in the bum to get rid of suddenly, if you have to.

 

Whenever I get anxious I throw everything away. And I mean everything. Owning stuff makes me itch now. Too many times I've had to get rid of large amounts of stuff instantly during a crisis. I'd rather get rid of it before the crisis, and before it is waterlogged or infested or stinks.

 

Yup, you really can just dump it ALL.

 

Life really can be lived with very few belongings. It might be hard to hostess, but tough. I'm not going to live my life swallowed up by stuff, so I can please visitors. If someone wants to visit me badly enough, they can live like I do for the short period of time they are visiting.

 

People pay all sorts of money to go camping. I tell them just to pretend they are camping while visiting me.

[Epicurean]

I just read How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by the author of the blog A Slob Comes Clean. I really like it as an alternative to Konmari. https://www.amazon.com/Manage-Your-Home-Without-Losing/dp/0718079957

 

I've only been following it for about two weeks, so it's too early to say whether it's a proven method long term, but so far the results have been drastic for me. The combination of a few simple non-negotiable daily tasks combined with systematic decluttering have been working well.

[importswim]

I've read quite a few books on minimalism/decluttering and my most favorite is by Joshua Becker:

https://www.amazon.com/More-Less-Finding-Under-Everything/dp/1601427964/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1480007130&sr=8-1&keywords=joshua+becker

 

He also has a blog: becoming minimalist

Edited November 24, 2016 by importswim

[HS Mom in NC]

This is so smart.

 

I need to read this everyday.

 

My house is out of control.  IT has been for awhile.  We are given sooooooo much it is nuts.  Way to much.  And we have been keeping it all since I felt like we should. 

I have been getting rid of things now.  I struggle with keeping things that are still in good shape that we could/might use sometime.

And then also with I should sell the stuff instead of just getting rid of it.  Which does slow up the process.

 

 

I love having less, so I really need to get on this harder and get rid of tons more.

 

Or you can simply donate the good, usable things to an organization for people who would actually use it but can't afford to buy it for full price.  Unlike you, they aren't given so many things that it's nuts.  People have been giving you far more than you need and it's eroding the quality of life in your home.  It's very  probable they will give you more than you need in the future so you're not going to have to do without then either. By donating it, will become that person who gives those kind of things to other people who can't provide it for themselves.

 

You are capable of making and acting on a decision with your head that conflicts with your feelings, by the way.  I know our culture isn't exactly known for teaching that on regular basis, but you can be emotionally uncomfortable while you give things away and after that the peace that comes with a house that's under control will replace it.  Even if, a few years from now, you think, "NOW the kids want to use __________ and I gave it away." you or those who have been giving to you all this time will be able to replace that item.

 

And if you or they can't replace it?  So what?  Is it going to do harm to your kids if that particular item can't be replaced?  Is their future going to be on the line?  Is their emotional, psychological, or academic well being really riding on some item that's currently cluttering up your house? Explain how.  If it's not, then it's not a big deal if you get rid of it and  then want it later but can't have it.  It's stuff.  Not love. Not memory.  Not relationships.  Not sustenance. It's just stuff most of humanity has done without and you and your kids can too if dire financial circumstances are in your future.