It's not about the Nail

[MamaBearTeacher]

I don't know if this has been posted before:

 

 

 

 

 

[happi duck]

:)

[kewb]

One of my favorites. I make my son watch it periodically as a reminder.

[MercyA]

I think my husband, a consummate problem solver, will appreciate this.  :)

[KrissiK]

Dh gets such a kick out of that video!

[Guest]

I had to share it with my husband. I think he will feel a sense of solidarity :P

Edited November 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Hyacinth]

Ugh. I get the desire to emote. But...she really DOES have a nail in her head. He's supposed to ignore that? Pretend she doesn't? Act like he's clueless as to what the mysterious pain in her head could possibly be? That's the communication she wants from him? No thanks.

 

(Video is really well done though.)

Edited November 20, 2016 by Hyacinth

[momacacia]

It really IS about the nail, she's just not ready to deal with it yet. :)

[Garga]

In my home, my dh is the one with the nail. It's frustrating! :).

[Miss Tick]

I don't even get that. Maybe I'm too much of an engineer.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Ugh. I get the desire to emote. But...she really DOES have a nail in her head. He's supposed to ignore that? Pretend she doesn't? Act like he's clueless as to what the mysterious pain in her head could possibly be? That's the communication she wants from him? No thanks.

 

(Video is really well done though.)

 

Yeah, I'm kind of in this camp. I don't think I understand the point of the video. No, that's not true. I understand the point, but it seems to really oversimplify the issue to the point that it doesn't make sense. It makes it seem like all she wants to do is whine. 

 

I don't know. It doesn't resonate with me. 

[brehon]

Yeah, I'm kind of in this camp. I don't think I understand the point of the video. No, that's not true. I understand the point, but it seems to really oversimplify the issue to the point that it doesn't make sense. It makes it seem like all she wants to do is whine.

 

I don't know. It doesn't resonate with me.

I agree. I remember watching this several years ago and just shaking my head.

[abba12]

This video has been invaluable to me and my husband, and my best friend who is also male. It's helped immensely to explain something ive been previously unable to get through to them. 

[Code Lyoko]

The point, it seems to me, is that until someone is ready to deal with the "nail", trying to make them deal with the "nail" is probably counterproductive and even harmful depending on the circumstances.  What they may need far more is someone to just listen while they process through and try to come to a point where they can deal with the "nail" themselves.  They need to feel that no matter what is happening they are still loved and supported.  They don't want it solved for them.  They don't need it flung back in their faces.  They want the emotional support in general so they can find a way to face it and solve it themselves.  And that can take time.

 

For problem solvers that is a very painful thing to try and do.  It isn't logical and it drives them nuts.  For the person with the nail, it can be even worse.  I have been on both ends.  Nails on a chalkboard times 400 from either perspective.   :lol:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

The point, it seems to me, is that until someone is ready to deal with the "nail", trying to make them deal with the "nail" is probably counterproductive and even harmful depending on the circumstances.  What they may need far more is someone to just listen while they process through and try to come to a point where they can deal with the "nail" themselves.  They need to feel that no matter what is happening they are still loved and supported.  They don't want it solved for them.  They don't need it flung back in their faces.  They want the emotional support in general so they can find a way to face it and solve it themselves.  And that can take time.

 

For problem solvers that is a very painful thing to try and do.  It isn't logical and it drives them nuts.  For the person with the nail, it can be even worse.  I have been on both ends.  Nails on a chalkboard times 400 from either perspective.   :lol:

 

I do get that, and I'm often on both sides here as well. For example, listening to DH complain about how clients are driving him crazy after previously listening to him complain about how no one is coming and that he needs to make sales :banghead: , while he in turn has to listen to me talk about vague medical issues for which I refuse to go to the doctor because I know they won't help me :D

 

I guess I'm just too literal for this video :lol: It actually seems sort of sexist to me. Do most men actually understand the subtlety of the message, or are they too focused on the fact that she has such an easily fixable issue and yet she's still complaining? I don't really see any of the men in my life responding well to this!

Edited November 20, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[bolt.]

I don't react well to this video. It makes the woman seem like an idiot because 'the real problem' is made visually obvious to the viewers as well as being obvious to the man. The woman is cast as the only one who doesn't know the source of her emotional issue.

 

This causes the video to communicate that the woman's strategy (wanting to have a supportive conversation entirely focused on her experience of what is going on) is entirely foolish. She is additionally shown to be foolish in her strong desire to ignore and deny 'real solutions' from the man to solve her 'actual problem' (the nail). She is 'wrong about what's wrong' and he is 'right'. Her insistence that 'it's not about the nail' is made to seem ridiculous.

 

That's a terrible message made palatable by humour. The truth is that the woman's strategy (a specific kind of conversation) is a powerful strategy that overcomes lots of situations -- and not just for women. No, it doesn't remove nails from one's head, but it is a deceptively simple strategy that any willing person can help others employ. Seriously: it's one of those things that sounds stupid but works wonderfully.

 

Because it's simple, and easily made fun of, many people already wonder, 'What good is that going to do?' Most people feel foolish asking for it, and ridiculous when they try to insist it's the right strategy and they want their partner to stay with them.

 

So. Very much not my favourite video.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I don't react well to this video. It makes the woman seem like an idiot because 'the real problem' is made visually obvious to the viewers as well as being obvious to the man. The woman is cast as the only one who doesn't know the source of her emotional issue.

 

This causes the video to communicate that the woman's strategy (wanting to have a supportive conversation entirely focused on her experience of what is going on) is entirely foolish. She is additionally shown to be foolish in her strong desire to ignore and deny 'real solutions' from the man to solve her 'actual problem' (the nail). She is 'wrong about what's wrong' and he is 'right'. Her insistence that 'it's not about the nail' is made to seem ridiculous.

 

Yes, you articulated how I feel perfectly. 

[maize]

It's about validation:

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Validate-Someone's-Feelings

[Code Lyoko]

I don't react well to this video. It makes the woman seem like an idiot because 'the real problem' is made visually obvious to the viewers as well as being obvious to the man. The woman is cast as the only one who doesn't know the source of her emotional issue.

 

This causes the video to communicate that the woman's strategy (wanting to have a supportive conversation entirely focused on her experience of what is going on) is entirely foolish. She is additionally shown to be foolish in her strong desire to ignore and deny 'real solutions' from the man to solve her 'actual problem' (the nail). She is 'wrong about what's wrong' and he is 'right'. Her insistence that 'it's not about the nail' is made to seem ridiculous.

 

That's a terrible message made palatable by humour. The truth is that the woman's strategy (a specific kind of conversation) is a powerful strategy that overcomes lots of situations -- and not just for women. No, it doesn't remove nails from one's head, but it is a deceptively simple strategy that any willing person can help others employ. Seriously: it's one of those things that sounds stupid but works wonderfully.

 

Because it's simple, and easily made fun of, many people already wonder, 'What good is that going to do?' Most people feel foolish asking for it, and ridiculous when they try to insist it's the right strategy and they want their partner to stay with them.

 

So. Very much not my favourite video.

 

 

It's about validation:

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Validate-Someone's-Feelings

 

Yes, it is about validation but the way the video is presented, while funny, is kind of insulting.  I agree with Bolt.  I do get the point.  I really do.  And I think the video makes a very good point.  But it does also make the woman look stupid for not just dealing with the elephant in the room.  I have a very odd feeling when watching this video.

[Anne in CA]

But lots of people are this way about SOMETHING. And it affects the people around them. Plenty of people have something that constantly causes problems they don't want to deal with, but they complain about the symptoms. It isn't fair that it's a woman in the video, because it could just as easily be a man. I have a dear friend who is a good looking well off man who is single. He will not take his deceased wife's things out of his home and get ready to move on, and so, he's single. He can never invite a woman over. No relationship goes anywhere. But he doesn't want to hear about the fact that he needs to fix his house so he can have a woman over, he wants to say no good women like him. Ummm, no, he could have a great woman any time he was ready to move on.

[bolt.]

Yes, it's about validation. Unfortunately it presents someone seeking validation as the but of the joke, and implies that it makes much more sense to follow advice and just deal with your real problems.

[MamaBearTeacher]

I posted this video, maybe because I was not sure how I felt about it.  I think I agree what what you said and you articulated very well.

 

 

 

I don't react well to this video. It makes the woman seem like an idiot because 'the real problem' is made visually obvious to the viewers as well as being obvious to the man. The woman is cast as the only one who doesn't know the source of her emotional issue.

 

This causes the video to communicate that the woman's strategy (wanting to have a supportive conversation entirely focused on her experience of what is going on) is entirely foolish. She is additionally shown to be foolish in her strong desire to ignore and deny 'real solutions' from the man to solve her 'actual problem' (the nail). She is 'wrong about what's wrong' and he is 'right'. Her insistence that 'it's not about the nail' is made to seem ridiculous.

 

That's a terrible message made palatable by humour. The truth is that the woman's strategy (a specific kind of conversation) is a powerful strategy that overcomes lots of situations -- and not just for women. No, it doesn't remove nails from one's head, but it is a deceptively simple strategy that any willing person can help others employ. Seriously: it's one of those things that sounds stupid but works wonderfully.

 

Because it's simple, and easily made fun of, many people already wonder, 'What good is that going to do?' Most people feel foolish asking for it, and ridiculous when they try to insist it's the right strategy and they want their partner to stay with them.

 

So. Very much not my favourite video.

 

[VaKim]

But there really are people who seem to thrive on complaining. I know a couple of women like that. They constantly complain about the same things (things that they could do something about if they would), but refuse any advice. 

 

As far as I'm concerned, if someone just wants to whine, they should get a professional counselor. If you have a solvable problem and you don't want me to give advice, then don't tell me about it. It makes me angry. 

 

Now before anybody thinks I am a cold, terrible person, I do realize there are situations where someone needs to vent or just work out their feelings. But these situations are generally ones that they can't really do anything about (like having an illness, losing someone, dealing with a rude boss, etc.) I am very good about listening in these instances (and even joining in bashing the rude boss or coworker or whatever). 

[Lady Florida.]

Count me in with those who don't sympathize with the woman in the video. I do get that men often try to fix things when all you want is for the to listen, but I don't think this video captures that. It just make the woman look dumb and whiney. Um, lady, there's a #$%#& nail in your head! It IS about the nail!

Edited November 20, 2016 by Lady Florida.

[Anacharsis]

Different personality types have different blind spots. I find that with solutions-driven thinkers, usually the struggle is to navigate complex problems without missing how the individual parts relate to one another. Dilbert used to love poking fun at this:

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​

[TranquilMind]

The point, it seems to me, is that until someone is ready to deal with the "nail", trying to make them deal with the "nail" is probably counterproductive and even harmful depending on the circumstances.  What they may need far more is someone to just listen while they process through and try to come to a point where they can deal with the "nail" themselves.  They need to feel that no matter what is happening they are still loved and supported.  They don't want it solved for them.  They don't need it flung back in their faces.  They want the emotional support in general so they can find a way to face it and solve it themselves.  And that can take time.

 

For problem solvers that is a very painful thing to try and do.  It isn't logical and it drives them nuts.  For the person with the nail, it can be even worse.  I have been on both ends.  Nails on a chalkboard times 400 from either perspective.   :lol:

 

This spoke to me.  I am a problem solver.  I don't have time for nonsense and "processing".  Processing happens periodically while you are living your life.

 

My God, pull the nail out, and then if it doesn't solve your problem, move to the next potential answer.  Always do the obvious thing!

 

Ahh. 

 

Edited November 20, 2016 by TranquilMind

[fairfarmhand]

I've seen that! Funny!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Amy in NH]

just deal with your real problems.

What is wrong with this message? I think it's perfectly reasonable, and more than a bit ridiculous not to do so.

 

If you (general) want to monologue, get a diary.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Amy in NH

[RegGuheert]

My God, pull the nail out, and then if it doesn't solve your problem, move to the next potential answer.  Always do the obvious thing!

 

This.

 

If you won't pull out the nail, then find someone else to give you sympathy.  You ain't gettin' it here! :glare: