People that hate to get sick

[Zinnia]

I'm trying to balance out some sweet germphobe family and friends with our life recently.  

If you are a family/person that hates to get sick, do you appreciate it when people cancel on you?  What about if it's last minute?  Do you ever get upset that you think that they are sick "too much" or making it up?  Are these crazy thoughts in my head?

My mom really hates to get sick.  Sometimes I cancel on her, sometimes I roll the dice.  :)  My older two kids spent two nights with her last week, something that was incredibly hard to schedule for other reasons, and one of them woke up with a cold that morning.  Of course, my mom and stepdad both got the cold, and they have been miserable all week.  I think she feels near death.  

I don't tend to mind feeling sick all that much.  I have also had the cold, and it's been life as usual. Several of us have felt a little under the weather this week, and we have gone to bed earlier than normal, but otherwise, same old.  I feel like this makes me the least sympathetic person in the planet to her, but I'd like to improve.

 

Thing is...I have 4 kids.  Someone is sick at least once a month, and it always seems to fall when I've planned something with her (she's a big planner and lives 2 hours away, so we tend to plan things out 2-3 weeks).  When I cancel for sickness, I feel like I'm always cancelling, and she feels like maybe I'm avoiding her?  This might be me projecting my feelings on her, though.

 

Just looking for outside perspective if you'd rather have someone cancel every time that we are sick or just carry on.  

[TravelingChris]

I am on immunosuppressants so I am more prone to get sick than the average person.  For regular visits, I would not want a sick person here.  For something like Christmas and it's my own child, I make an exception.  I probably do get sick though.

[Slache]

Tell me what's going on and let me decide. "I think my kids have the flu. Do you still want me to come?"

[redsquirrel]

If someone is extra sensitive about germ exposure I leave it up to them. I say 'Here's what's going on. I don't know how you feel about this, and I leave it up to you. I can come or I can stay home. It's whatever you feel comfortable with"

 

FWIW, my mom is an old nurse. She NEVER used to get sick and is very practical when it comes to germs.  But now that she is in her 70s she gets sick a little more often, and when she does it hits a lot harder than when she was younger. She caught a stomach bug from my niece and nephew (they were babies at the time) and she ended up in the emergency room. She was mortified! So now she is quicker to postpone if I tell her the kids are sick with a cold or something.
 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Are there people who don't hate to get sick?

 

For me I guess it is a case by case basis.

 

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I'd  call her and offer her the choice. DC 1 had a cold last week and DC 2 seemed to get it but then was better, you still want them? For more serious illnesses, fever, vomiting, etc.... we won't be leaving the house and g-ma should be happy with a phone call  :glare: .  If she really doesn't "like" how often you are sick, assuming you're not projecting, tell her she is welcome to come help you nurse the ill back to health.... thanks, mom. :thumbup:  

[Outdoorsy Type]

I like to give a heads up, but I usually don't care unless it's a very recent stomach bug. We get very mild versions of anything going around and rebound quickly. Typically we do get 3ish colds a year, but my kids never need antibiotics, and they don't develop secondary illnesses.

[Ausmumof3]

If it's thick blow your nose every five minutes cold we cancel. If it's fever we definitely 100pc cancel. If it's gastro I don't wanna see you for at least a week. I've been caught once too often with the "no one has thrown up since yesterday morning" technique.

 

If you wanted to you can always use the exclusion from Childcare guidelines online.

 

We were a soldier in family growing up whereas dh had to be careful as one of his friends was immunocompromised. I think it's better to err on the side of caution.

[Moonhawk]

I vote for the "let them know, let them decide."  

 

I hate being sick, and my kids believe in sharing, so I personally get irritated if halfway through a get-together someone sneezes on me and then says "Oh sorry, I'm just getting over this bug...." 

 

We seem to always get sick right before something scheduled with my husband's family.  We used to just cancel and let them know, but I think they thought we were just avoiding them.  So, we let them know, give them the option, and in the best case scenario I'm the one who's sick so I can stay at home while everyone else still goes to visit!  :D

 

 

[Guest]

I vote for arming them with information and letting them decide. I get really annoyed when people show up to an event with ill children in tow and tell me their kids have "allergies" when it's clear that's not the case. I would much rather have someone repeatedly cancel on me that spread the plague throughout my house. We have older parents and we definitely try to steer clear if there's even a remote chance someone has something. That's when we're glad for FaceTime!

[Kassia]

I would definitely want to be given the choice on whether I wanted my family to be exposed to someone who was sick.  Sometimes we have important stuff going on where we absolutely can't get sick, other times things are quieter and it wouldn't matter as much.  Obviously, I wouldn't want us to be around anyone with the stomach flu or a fever, but things like a cold would be okay if we were warned ahead of time.  I would much rather have someone cancel than have them show up and get us sick!

 

 

[SanDiegoMom]

I threw a party for the homeschool group in my house. We had all ages, babies and up. One mom brought her kids who were getting over norovirus. Our whole family got it and it was the worst stomach bug we'd ever had. I never did a party at my house again.

 

Small colds I'm ok with, anything with a fever or tons of mucus, I'm out.

[MEmama]

Yes, please cancel.

 

All of us hate being sick and rarely are, but even a minor cold sets us way back. It's just misery and life totally stops. Seriously. Plus we all get whiny when we are not feeling well, and mad. We just don't tolerate it at all. Thank goodness it's very, very rare.

 

DS gets very upset when a friend who is clearly sick pretends they are not. He would always prefer to cancel than risk it.

[Zinnia]

Ah, asking!  What a brilliant idea.  I've NEVER done this.  *face palm* I really can't believe that I haven't thought of it.  I've always taken the entire responsibility of making the decision, and I've tried to guess what the other person wants.  What is wrong with me?  This is the easiest answer!

 

As far as not minding getting sick, that's us.  :)  I really don't.  I kind of like when we get sick, and I need to cancel a week of real life activities--it's such a cozy, sweet time to call in to everything and not go.  My kids slow down and let me baby them.  I take it as an excuse to get off my feet.  I don't mind a cold or anything.  When we get stomach viruses, it's rare that any of us are down more than 24-48 hours each, and it just cycles though us.  But I do know that people hate, hate, hate to vomit in general, so I'm pretty careful about not leaving the house for a while after that.  But us personally?  I don't mind when we are sick, and it's not a big deal to me.  We're not dealing with chronic illnesses, though.  

[marbel]

I can't say I don't mind getting sick, but I tend not to be too afraid of exposure if I'm around sick people.  But, I prefer to give - and be given - the choice to hang out or not with sick people.  We've canceled a lot of events because of sickness.  

 

I have never before come across anyone who doesn't mind getting sick!  :-)

[redsquirrel]

Well, I don't feel like the world is going to end if I get a cold, for example, but I don't like the disruption illness causes to routine. And often my kids have performances and are trying very hard not to catch anything so as to not leave the company in the lurch.

 

And for some, getting sick means they have to use a limited sick day, or worse, they don't get sick days and will lose out on earnings. Many people can't take a day off from work to stay home with a sick kid without worrying about losing their job.

[happi duck]

I am another person who likes to get, and gives others, a heads up regarding sickness...nothing dramatic just the facts.

 

Op, I hope you can get some coziness without having to get sick first!

 

Fwiw, I don't think a certain number of people needs to mean frequent/ monthly illness. When I taught in public school my classes of 25-30 would go months without illness.

[Spryte]

When we get sick here, it's not life as usual. So my perspective on sickness different from yours, OP. You are lucky to have a good constitution. I am immune impaired. DS is, too. DD is not but colds hit her hard.

 

I prefer to be told if there are germs, and make the choice.

 

We had friends over a week ago. After spending the day with them - we learned that three of the kids were at home, very sick. By Wed, my son was seriously ill. He has meningitis. I don't know if it's caused by whatever germs we were all exposed to on Sat, another girl has it too, who was there, but no one else. The family with sick kids still has sick kids but not to the same degree. I wish they'd told me that they had kids with high fevers, throwing up. Alas, it was only the healthy kids who came over, no adults, and they didn't tell us till they were leaving.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Spryte

[Guest]

I'm in the "let them know/decide" camp. I do not care if people cancel - I prefer it, if you are sick. I know others who drag their sick kids everywhere without a second thought. My son has a terrible immune system; he is sick right now because they had VBS last week. So, this week we won't attend any activities (some paid for). I didn't use to be a germaphobe until I had this child. Now, I really wish more people stayed home when their kids are sick.

 

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[fairfarmhand]

I vote ask.

 

I don't have impaired immune system, but with older kids who have packed schedules, a farm, and a dh who really doesn't need to miss work, sickness seriously sidelines our lives. Considering there's six of us here, it takes about 2 weeks to run its course, it makes me angry when people are selfish enough to not skip an event when they're knowingly sick. (no judgement for the families who get somewhere, figure out that Junior is ill and immediately go home)

 

Cows gotta eat and be milked whether or not I'm running a fever? KWIM?

[Ewe Mama]

I totally get it. We didn't see my family for months this year due to one or more of the kids being sick every time we had planned to get together for a holiday. I think we went from September until May without seeing my parents because of illness. I do not take chances on other people's health and well-being. What is a simple cold for one person becomes pneumonia or severe asthma in another.

 

I cancel every stinking time, even at the last minute.

[Spryte]

I totally get it. We didn't see my family for months this year due to one or more of the kids being sick every time we had planned to get together for a holiday. I think we went from September until May without seeing my parents because of illness. I do not take chances on other people's health and well-being. What is a simple cold for one person becomes pneumonia or severe asthma in another.

 

I cancel every stinking time, even at the last minute.

((Hugs)) It's hard not to see family. You are totally right, though. My DS with meningitis now, had another cold, from friends, turn into pneumonia just in Feb. it always becomes a Big Thing. It's hard.

[heartlikealion]

I thought everyone hated to get sick lol. I like to think we don't get sick that often, but it seems like we often get sick right after going on vacation and then it drags on. I'd rather people cancel on me than come over sick. Also, if they have young children then I would especially prefer they cancel as I don't trust the kids to wash their hands well/at all/often enough/blow their nose/etc.

 

Just about every time we visit my niece and nephew they are getting over something. "Oh they are finishing a round of antibiotics." All.the.time. I just can't relate. I can count the number of times I've taken antibiotics on one hand probably. My niece is often walking around with the sniffles/runny nose and I inwardly cringe at the kids all sharing toys.

 

When I get a cold it's bad. I don't know if I'm exaggerating but I think my colds are worse than some people's norm. But mostly I'd be worried about dd and ds. Ds still needs training in blowing his nose adequately and dd is under two so I have to pin her down and use a device to really get her nose clean. I bought the Frida last time she was getting over being sick, but I never got around to trying it out. Those nose bulbs are pretty horrible.

 

Edited to respond to this:

 

I totally get it. We didn't see my family for months this year due to one or more of the kids being sick every time we had planned to get together for a holiday. I think we went from September until May without seeing my parents because of illness. I do not take chances on other people's health and well-being. What is a simple cold for one person becomes pneumonia or severe asthma in another.

I cancel every stinking time, even at the last minute.

 

Yes. This. My grandma is 101 and just got over pneumonia. It was scary. Ds ends up needing nebulizer treatments when he's bad off. I think last time he got sick it may have been bronchitis but we got it under control thankfully.

Edited June 24, 2016 by heartlikealion

[Zinnia]

This really is helpful.

 

FWIW, we are very much stay at home people when we are sick.  The only person that I'm waffle-y about is my mom.  And it's because she likes to make these plans several weeks out, and if I cancel, it always seems difficult to reschedule at a time that works for us both.  So I know that when I cancel, I've got to deal with a difficult reschedule.

 

For friends and the like, including my inlaws, plans are a lot lighter and easier to reschedule, so I have less problem canceling.  When my kids were in public school, they were the ones that missed 10 days of school, most of them just because they felt a little off.  My dh does call in sick if he gets sick, but he just never, ever gets sick (less than once every 2-3 years), and his company is incredibly generous with their sick time, so it's not a big deal for him, either.

 

I *LOVE* to cancel everything and stay home.  I'll even get grocery delivery if we are sick.  That's part of the joy of being sick.  So I'm not out spreading germs willy-nilly.  It's specifically with my mom, because it feels like I end up canceling on her a lot.  I think that's my own issue, though, and asking her and putting the decision off on her will probably solve my problem 100%.  Because if we cancel, it's not all.my.fault.and.I.am.a.terrible.daughter.that.doesn't.value.our.relationship.   This way, it's her choice, and it'll be much better.  

 

I'm not sure if we get lighter sickness or not?  When I get a cold, it always turns into asthmatic bronchitis, with a 3 week cough/wheeze.  But THREE weeks of getting to cancel everything and stay home.  It's like heaven!   :)  I'm starting to think I'm a freak!  When I wake up in the night to a kid vomiting, my first thought is always, "oh, good!  We get to cancel x or y or z planned for today!"  It is kind of funny to type this out and realize that this is not an ordinary response.  

Edited June 24, 2016 by Zinnia

[EKS]

I do what I would prefer others do with me, which is to explain what I know about the illness (symptoms, duration, if it seems particularly contagious, etc), and let the other person decide.

[bodiesmom]

 

 

I'm not sure if we get lighter sickness or not? When I get a cold, it always turns into asthmatic bronchitis, with a 3 week cough/wheeze. But THREE weeks of getting to cancel everything and stay home. It's like heaven! :) I'm starting to think I'm a freak! When I wake up in the night to a kid vomiting, my first thought is always, "oh, good! We get to cancel x or y or z planned for today!" It is kind of funny to type this out and realize that this is not an ordinary response.

LOL! I get it.....I'm the same way sometimes. 😄