Ewe Mama Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I just found out my dad has the above type of cancer. He has not yet met with an oncologist. What can he expect? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I don't know. Sorry to hear that. :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 I think that would depend on how old your dad is and how is health is otherwise. You probably already know by googling this is serious. It means it has metastasized to distant bone such as spine or rib etc. It's usually considered treatable but not curable. Treatments can extend life, however. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Stage-4 Prostate Cancer (IV) This is the last stage of prostate cancer and describes a tumor that has spread to other parts of the body, including the lymph nodes, lungs, liver, bones, or bladder. For these cancers, the 5-year survival rate is 29%. http://www.cancer.org/cancer/prostatecancer/detailedguide/prostate-cancer-staging Do you know his Gleason score? In 2012-13 my Dad had a diagnosis of prostate cancer with a Gleason of 7 (4+3) related to Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam. The VA had bungled some previous test results indicating this was a possibility, so it was inoperable by the time it was actually caught. He went through a round of radiation, and has been on hormone therapy for two years. They are about to take him off the hormones to see if the tumor is dormant - if not he will go back on the hormones. It has been a lot of doctors appointments and emotional turmoil. He has had problems with his urinary system due to the pressure of the tumor, which have in turn affected his sleep which affects his mood. He is stubborn, and variably compliant with SSRIs he needs. I don't believe his cancer has spread, though, so he is probably not a stage IV, although they did find a lesion on his lung which they have been watching. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 My mom was recently dianosed with stage IV breast cancer (recurrence) and she is taking endocrine therapy. According to her oncologist, her treatment plan is expected to be long term, not short term. They have really made some advances in cancer treatment since she had last had it 10 years ago. All she has to do is take a daily pill and get a monthly shot, it's amazing, really. I just wanted to give you some hope. When my mom was diagnosed this time, we thought it was a death sentence, but she is doing very well. I hope things work out as well for your dad. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 sigh. I'm sorry. My father in law had this. Treatments are mainly to extend life. Expect urinary issues and possible kidney problems. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 The spinal cancer my dad got from prostate cancer was relatively slow growing. But what I really wanted to say is that you are good to be thinking about this, but let the doctor take the lead on delivering the news and the options. You can be a great help to him by being prepared yourself while he is stunned but keep your place as daughter. Unless you ARE the doctor. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 Do you know his Gleason score?. No, I don't have this info. I just know his PSA levels never increased, his prostate was hard as a rock upon exam, and the doctor saw nothing of concern during the biopsy. This was a huge shock to everyone involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 My mom was recently dianosed with stage IV breast cancer (recurrence) and she is taking endocrine therapy. According to her oncologist, her treatment plan is expected to be long term, not short term. They have really made some advances in cancer treatment since she had last had it 10 years ago. All she has to do is take a daily pill and get a monthly shot, it's amazing, really. I just wanted to give you some hope. When my mom was diagnosed this time, we thought it was a death sentence, but she is doing very well. I hope things work out as well for your dad. Thank you so much for this. I hope your mom will continue to do incredibly well. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 My mom was recently dianosed with stage IV breast cancer (recurrence) and she is taking endocrine therapy. According to her oncologist, her treatment plan is expected to be long term, not short term. They have really made some advances in cancer treatment since she had last had it 10 years ago. All she has to do is take a daily pill and get a monthly shot, it's amazing, really. I just wanted to give you some hope. When my mom was diagnosed this time, we thought it was a death sentence, but she is doing very well. I hope things work out as well for your dad. My mother is going through very similar right now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 sigh. I'm sorry. My father in law had this. Treatments are mainly to extend life. Expect urinary issues and possible kidney problems. Does it get worse than total incontinence? He has had kidney stones and infections for as far back as I can remember. What else do we need to expect. Please PM me if you feel that would be more appropriate. I am so sorry about your father in law. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 The spinal cancer my dad got from prostate cancer was relatively slow growing. But what I really wanted to say is that you are good to be thinking about this, but let the doctor take the lead on delivering the news and the options. You can be a great help to him by being prepared yourself while he is stunned but keep your place as daughter. Unless you ARE the doctor. :0) Thank you for this gentle reminder. I will definitely keep being his baby girl, but I just went through all of this with Ram Man's cancer, so I am trying to find out what we're up against with this particular cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 but I just went through all of this with Ram Man's cancer, so I am trying to find out what we're up against with this particular cancer. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with another cancer case. Will definitely pray for you and your family!!! I don't know much about cancer, so I can't comment on that. Prayers and good health wishes for your dad, and dh as well!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 My mom was recently dianosed with stage IV breast cancer (recurrence) and she is taking endocrine therapy. According to her oncologist, her treatment plan is expected to be long term, not short term. They have really made some advances in cancer treatment since she had last had it 10 years ago. All she has to do is take a daily pill and get a monthly shot, it's amazing, really. I just wanted to give you some hope. When my mom was diagnosed this time, we thought it was a death sentence, but she is doing very well. I hope things work out as well for your dad. My little sister is also Stage IV BC. I hope your mom is doing well and will have good quality of life for a long, long time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 I'm so sorry you are having to deal with another cancer case. Will definitely pray for you and your family!!! I don't know much about cancer, so I can't comment on that. Prayers and good health wishes for your dad, and dh as well!! Prayers are greatly appreciated! Thank you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 My little sister is also Stage IV BC. I hope your mom is doing well and will have good quality of life for a long, long time. Hugs to you and your sister as you walk through her BC together. :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Good thoughts and prayers for any cancer patient and their families! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 My little sister is also Stage IV BC. I hope your mom is doing well and will have good quality of life for a long, long time. Positive thoughts and wishes to you and your sister. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 My father was diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate cancer 2 and 1/2 years ago. He was 77 at the time. He was on a hormone therapy for over a year but no chemo. Now, her has been off the treatment for almost a year, and his cancer is not detectable. I know Stage IV generally means that it is not curable, but the doctors don't know what else to call it in my father's situation. At almost 80, he is healthy and feels better now than he had for several years during which his cancer went undetected. My family knows that things could change for Dad at any time, but we've been amazed at how well he has done. Prayers for you and your family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 13, 2016 Author Share Posted May 13, 2016 My father was diagnosed with Stage IV Prostate cancer 2 and 1/2 years ago. He was 77 at the time. He was on a hormone therapy for over a year but no chemo. Now, her has been off the treatment for almost a year, and his cancer is not detectable. I know Stage IV generally means that it is not curable, but the doctors don't know what else to call it in my father's situation. At almost 80, he is healthy and feels better now than he had for several years during which his cancer went undetected. My family knows that things could change for Dad at any time, but we've been amazed at how well he has done. Prayers for you and your family. Thank you for sharing about your father. What an amazing gift, that he is doing so well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Does it get worse than total incontinence? He has had kidney stones and infections for as far back as I can remember. What else do we need to expect. Please PM me if you feel that would be more appropriate. I am so sorry about your father in law. :grouphug: I'll PM you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 My Dad is only 66. His PSA was not elevated either, and he has fought kidney stones for a long time as well. They should be as to tell you the Gleason from the biopsy results, which will give you an indication as to how quickly the tumor is growing/spreading. The problem isn't incontinence, but the opposite. Drugs have helped. The risk of incontinence is high with surgical treatment, though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Hugs to all dealing with this, or with a loved one who is. The advice to stay his little girl made me tear up. Good way to say it. Hoping for successful treatment for all. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 18, 2016 Author Share Posted May 18, 2016 Update: Thank you all for your help with the questions. We liked the doctor very much. He didn't pull any punches. The news is not good. He will be on hormone injections the rest of his life and they will do only six rounds of chemo total, providing he tolerates the treatment reasonably well. This is all to prolong his life as, barring a miracle, there is no chance of remission. The doctor told us that he would expect a healthy 50 year old man with the same progression to live only 7-9 months. My dad is in his late 60's and is not in very good health, so we were told to get his affairs in order. Pain management is of primary concern. Chemo will start in three weeks. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 18, 2016 Author Share Posted May 18, 2016 Gleason was 9/10 2 lymph nodes 2 areas of affected bone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 <hugs> 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 I'm very sorry about the prognosis. :( By any chance was he exposed to agent orange in Vietnam? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Oh I am sorry to hear that. :( :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 My father in law had it. Pain management will be the single most important issue in the months to come. The second looming issue is to get legal and financial matters in order, and to try to find ways to make a few more good memories before he passes. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 Oh I am so sorry :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 My father in law had it. Pain management will be the single most important issue in the months to come. The second looming issue is to get legal and financial matters in order, and to try to find ways to make a few more good memories before he passes. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I am so sorry. My mom had liver cancer. We were told initially that she would have 6-9 months to live but she was gone in one month. I don't know if this would apply to this particular kind of cancer, but be prepared if things progress more quickly than anticipated. :grouphug: . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 :grouphug: I'm sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 I am so sorry. My mom had liver cancer. We were told initially that she would have 6-9 months to live but she was gone in one month. I don't know if this would apply to this particular kind of cancer, but be prepared if things progress more quickly than anticipated. :grouphug: . I agree. I didn't want to use the "like" button for obvious reasons. My dad is stage IV adenocarcinoma of the lung which has resulted in the loss of half of a lung, a permanent drainage tube, and lesions in his spine. It can't be cured, and seven rounds of chemo just barely, barely held it at bay. He's tired of being sick and stopped chemo last week so will likely die quickly now. It is the best decision for him though and will allow my mother to get on with her life instead of nursing along someone who is dying slowly. Her own health is not that great so I don't see how this could have gone on much longer anyway and not taken her as a default victim as well. Hoping he passes quickly, I know, not a very nice thing. Sigh....I hate cancer. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 I'm sorry. The prognosis my dad received was pretty much spot on. They said two years and that was about it. I totally concur re pain management. Did the doctor say what the result would be without chemo? I ask because my beloved and very healthy (apparently) aunt was just diagnosed with leukemia (she thought she had a cold). They told her that she could do 3 weeks of chemo, for a life expectancy of FOUR weeks. Or do no chemo for a life expectancy of one week. She tried the chemo for one week to make an effort but HATED IT. It made her feel yucky. She went off it and felt tired but not yucky, and they could keep her comfortable. She was gone in 5 days. She was 87. I don't mean to be depressing...but my dad spent a LOT of time and money in treatments and he felt yucky almost all the time. I would have taken my aunt's decision. But my goodness, it was FAST. She played 18 holes of golf 2x a week until she got her "cold"...the transition was precipitous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 So sorry. (Hugs) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 :grouphug: I would ask about any clinical trials that he might be eligible for. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 I'm very sorry about the prognosis. :( By any chance was he exposed to agent orange in Vietnam? Thank you. No, he never served in the military, due to health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 My father in law had it. Pain management will be the single most important issue in the months to come. The second looming issue is to get legal and financial matters in order, and to try to find ways to make a few more good memories before he passes. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: The hard part about making good memories is that, once he starts chemo, how do I make sure all of the kids are healthy enough be around him? When Ram Man was going through it, I was terrified he would get an infection and tried to keep the kids away from him most of the time. He was so wiped out, he didn't really notice if they were around or not. This whole thing really sucks lemons. My parents are in the process of declaring bankruptcy. I have no idea how to help them get their financial and legal affairs in order. Who do we need to talk to about this? I have told my mother to get in contact with palliative care ASAP, and she has that at the top of her list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 I am so sorry. My mom had liver cancer. We were told initially that she would have 6-9 months to live but she was gone in one month. I don't know if this would apply to this particular kind of cancer, but be prepared if things progress more quickly than anticipated. :grouphug: . I am so sorry about your mom. :grouphug: I am trying to mentally prepare for the worst, but I am an optimist at heart. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 I agree. I didn't want to use the "like" button for obvious reasons. My dad is stage IV adenocarcinoma of the lung which has resulted in the loss of half of a lung, a permanent drainage tube, and lesions in his spine. It can't be cured, and seven rounds of chemo just barely, barely held it at bay. He's tired of being sick and stopped chemo last week so will likely die quickly now. It is the best decision for him though and will allow my mother to get on with her life instead of nursing along someone who is dying slowly. Her own health is not that great so I don't see how this could have gone on much longer anyway and not taken her as a default victim as well. Hoping he passes quickly, I know, not a very nice thing. Sigh....I hate cancer. I am liking your hatred of cancer. The rest of it stinks. :grouphug: I am so sorry about your dad. Praying he passes peacefully. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 (edited) I'm sorry. The prognosis my dad received was pretty much spot on. They said two years and that was about it. I totally concur re pain management. Did the doctor say what the result would be without chemo? I ask because my beloved and very healthy (apparently) aunt was just diagnosed with leukemia (she thought she had a cold). They told her that she could do 3 weeks of chemo, for a life expectancy of FOUR weeks. Or do no chemo for a life expectancy of one week. She tried the chemo for one week to make an effort but HATED IT. It made her feel yucky. She went off it and felt tired but not yucky, and they could keep her comfortable. She was gone in 5 days. She was 87. I don't mean to be depressing...but my dad spent a LOT of time and money in treatments and he felt yucky almost all the time. I would have taken my aunt's decision. But my goodness, it was FAST. She played 18 holes of golf 2x a week until she got her "cold"...the transition was precipitous. We honestly didn't ask what would happen without chemo. The doc said the cancer had not been present very long, so I would imagine it would be quite a rapid end. I, personally, would not be able to do chemo unless it was a super "easy to cure" type. If it would prolong life short-term, but leave me with lousy quality of life, I would choose to go Home. I am so sorry about your aunt. :grouphug: Edited May 19, 2016 by Ewe Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 :grouphug: I would ask about any clinical trials that he might be eligible for. Thank you for this suggestion. We did talk about this, but he didn't meet the conditions of the only current trial for his type of cancer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 The hard part about making good memories is that, once he starts chemo, how do I make sure all of the kids are healthy enough be around him? When Ram Man was going through it, I was terrified he would get an infection and tried to keep the kids away from him most of the time. He was so wiped out, he didn't really notice if they were around or not. This whole thing really sucks lemons. My parents are in the process of declaring bankruptcy. I have no idea how to help them get their financial and legal affairs in order. Who do we need to talk to about this? I have told my mother to get in contact with palliative care ASAP, and she has that at the top of her list. Here is the very sad thing on this. If he does chemo, by in large the children if young, can't be around him. Young ones carry a lot of communicable crud and his immune system will be depressed, and he will be far more susceptible to picking up a virus that could kill him quickly. The children even have to wait four weeks after vaccinations in order to be in his presence again. He can wear a mask, and you could have the children wear masks as well, but they can't hug him. During the month of November, my dad was pretty much alone in his home, very isolated. My brother's teen daughter came down with pneumonia, and my 17 year old got mono very badly. This meant my brother was a walking "typhoid Mary" as was I, and of course we were both caring for really sick teenagers. It was so lonely for him. My mom was in rehab still getting care for her injuries, and my sister lives in France, so he had no one but a once a week health nurse. Because he was still fighting the cancer, hospice could not be involved so no housekeepers, no regular nursing care in the home, etc. Not pretty. This is why I am not a fan of chemo for a prognosis in which the patient is only potentially getting a marginal amount of time during which they will be very sick, and not be able to be around the youngest members of the family. I feel that it is better to have less time, but not be trying to cure or prolong life so that the elder can have the grand kids and their parents around. My dad has two great grandchildren. The five year old he has not been able to see since he began his chemo in November. She has asthma and gets a ton of upper respiratory infections. She wants to see him, but it would be lethal and he has been determined up to this point to try to beat the cancer even though that was bizarrely unrealistic. Now that has he has stopped the chemo and is no longer fighting it, she will be allowed to come around. If he gets sick from her, it won't matter. The other grandchild, my four month old grandson, was allowed in the room for about 15 minutes while my dad wore a mask. His vaccinations were delayed so that this could happen. If there is going to be a good chance of remission a chance of significantly increasing his life span, than I think it is worth the isolation. In my dad and my FIL's cases, there was no hope of any kind of remission, but they were determined to try. In my FIL's case, this was back when he had eight grandkids all 10 years of age an under (we had four, and dh's brother had four), and he died having not seen any of them for two years. It was so sad. He never even met the youngest. But his cancer docs and our pediatricians all said the same thing, if he is in the fight, if he is determined to try to get remission, then the children cannot be around him. FIL never relented, not until he slipped into a coma. As a result, six of the eight have no memories of him because they were too young to go two years without seeing him as they were the four that were all five and under when it happened. So there is going to have to be a choice to be made, and for the most part, that is going to be your dad's choice in conjunction with his onocologists. He has to decide if he wants to risk being around them. If he says no because it could have the potential of shortening his life, then there won't be making any more happy memories with the grandchildren. it will be sad if that happens, but unfortunately that is his choice alone to make. I will say this, in my dad's case, the oncologists at Beaumont where he receives treatment are much, much, much more holistic and more concerned with quality of life than just patient medical outcomes. They told my dad that even if he wanted to fight it, he needed to go on living and accept that outcome be it getting sick from being around the baby or dear Rosie, or the teenagers, or his best friends at church, or whatever. They encouraged him to be a part of life, have a life, go to weddings and funerals, and church, and graduations, and whatever. They fully informed him of his risks however, and he was just so dang unrealistic about the whole thing that he chose the isolation. No one could dissuade him. So it is what it is, and his doctors did feel that he made a bad choice. I know he has. His outcome and prognosis has not changed one little bit, but he missed our kids' award ceremonies, his granddaughter's academic and sports awards, numerous family events, numerous joyous occasions. I find that very, very sad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted May 19, 2016 Author Share Posted May 19, 2016 Here is the very sad thing on this. If he does chemo, by in large the children if young, can't be around him. Young ones carry a lot of communicable crud and his immune system will be depressed, and he will be far more susceptible to picking up a virus that could kill him quickly. The children even have to wait four weeks after vaccinations in order to be in his presence again. He can wear a mask, and you could have the children wear masks as well, but they can't hug him. During the month of November, my dad was pretty much alone in his home, very isolated. My brother's teen daughter came down with pneumonia, and my 17 year old got mono very badly. This meant my brother was a walking "typhoid Mary" as was I, and of course we were both caring for really sick teenagers. It was so lonely for him. My mom was in rehab still getting care for her injuries, and my sister lives in France, so he had no one but a once a week health nurse. Because he was still fighting the cancer, hospice could not be involved so no housekeepers, no regular nursing care in the home, etc. Not pretty. This is why I am not a fan of chemo for a prognosis in which the patient is only potentially getting a marginal amount of time during which they will be very sick, and not be able to be around the youngest members of the family. I feel that it is better to have less time, but not be trying to cure or prolong life so that the elder can have the grand kids and their parents around. My dad has two great grandchildren. The five year old he has not been able to see since he began his chemo in November. She has asthma and gets a ton of upper respiratory infections. She wants to see him, but it would be lethal and he has been determined up to this point to try to beat the cancer even though that was bizarrely unrealistic. Now that has he has stopped the chemo and is no longer fighting it, she will be allowed to come around. If he gets sick from her, it won't matter. The other grandchild, my four month old grandson, was allowed in the room for about 15 minutes while my dad wore a mask. His vaccinations were delayed so that this could happen. If there is going to be a good chance of remission a chance of significantly increasing his life span, than I think it is worth the isolation. In my dad and my FIL's cases, there was no hope of any kind of remission, but they were determined to try. In my FIL's case, this was back when he had eight grandkids all 10 years of age an under (we had four, and dh's brother had four), and he died having not seen any of them for two years. It was so sad. He never even met the youngest. But his cancer docs and our pediatricians all said the same thing, if he is in the fight, if he is determined to try to get remission, then the children cannot be around him. FIL never relented, not until he slipped into a coma. As a result, six of the eight have no memories of him because they were too young to go two years without seeing him as they were the four that were all five and under when it happened. So there is going to have to be a choice to be made, and for the most part, that is going to be your dad's choice in conjunction with his onocologists. He has to decide if he wants to risk being around them. If he says no because it could have the potential of shortening his life, then there won't be making any more happy memories with the grandchildren. it will be sad if that happens, but unfortunately that is his choice alone to make. I will say this, in my dad's case, the oncologists at Beaumont where he receives treatment are much, much, much more holistic and more concerned with quality of life than just patient medical outcomes. They told my dad that even if he wanted to fight it, he needed to go on living and accept that outcome be it getting sick from being around the baby or dear Rosie, or the teenagers, or his best friends at church, or whatever. They encouraged him to be a part of life, have a life, go to weddings and funerals, and church, and graduations, and whatever. They fully informed him of his risks however, and he was just so dang unrealistic about the whole thing that he chose the isolation. No one could dissuade him. So it is what it is, and his doctors did feel that he made a bad choice. I know he has. His outcome and prognosis has not changed one little bit, but he missed our kids' award ceremonies, his granddaughter's academic and sports awards, numerous family events, numerous joyous occasions. I find that very, very sad. Faith, your post made me cry. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is very, very sad. If you want to live, you can't have a life, but if you want to have a life, you aren't going to live. Sigh. My niece had her first child in October, so my dad is a great-grandpa now. They live in Hawaii, so I doubt he will ever get to meet his new grandson. My dad didn't want to know the overall prognosis, so my mom and I are struggling with the information the doctor gave the two of us out in the hallway. He is so focused on how he is physically feeling, that he is not able to look at what treatment will be like/do to him over the course of time. Right now he wants to fight, but I have a feeling he may change his mind when he is undergoing the side effects of chemo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 My dad didn't want to know the overall prognosis, so my mom and I are struggling with the information the doctor gave the two of us out in the hallway. He is so focused on how he is physically feeling, that he is not able to look at what treatment will be like/do to him over the course of time. Right now he wants to fight, but I have a feeling he may change his mind when he is undergoing the side effects of chemo. The changing the mind often happens. This last bout of sores in dad's mouth from the chemo so that he couldn't eat while dd and baby were home, and my brother was trying to plan a big family meal, combined with being so weak and sleeping constantly, may have been the catalyst to him telling his oncologist that he didn't want to pursue treatment anymore. You know it is bad, really bad, when the doctor that makes his living trying to treat cancer hugged him and told him he was making a very, very wise choice. Unfortunately, so may opportunities were lost. My niece and nephew from Baltimore have no vacation time coming from their jobs in the summer, so if he ever wants to see those grands again, he has to survive to autumn. His grandson in the military was deployed last November, and he had leave in October to come see his grandfather but dad wouldn't see him because G had a cold. He will now likely die before G's tour of duty is up. Dad has just been so darn unrealistic. I have tried to mitigate this, on behalf of my mom, by arranging for her to go places, do things, see people outside of their house. I've practically dragged her out at times. Each time she is reluctant to leave him but then does it, she is happy she did. He may have made really bad decisions for himself, but that doesn't mean she should be held hostage by them. Now she is getting pretty good about being willing to spend time with our kids, or go to the quilt shop with me, or grocery shop together, or whatever. Mentally, she is getting a little better due to this. It is something for you to watch out for in your own mom. Do they have any neighbors, community groups, church people, close friends? Is there anyone you can ask to check in on your mom, get her out of the house once in a while? It is important, if at all possible, to help her remain mentally and emotionally stable through this horrible thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 There should be a social worker associated with the oncology group that can help you navigate stuff like the bankruptcy, etc. I would contact her today. I would also strongly encourage a hospice consult. My Dad was on Medicare when he got CLL and started chemo and other drugs. What none of us understood at the time (because my parents had always been healthy) was the "donut hole" for meds. They had supplemental insurance which covered the 20% that Medicare doesn't pay. But the Part D still had the donut hole, from what I recall, and some of the meds were expensive. (This was for CLL, and there had been a new drug just released that was $100k). It was about $3k out of pocket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted May 19, 2016 Share Posted May 19, 2016 To be frank, I can't imagine trying to do a relo during an end-of-life situation. I think the stress would do me in. Additionally, bankruptcy should preserve their home, if they own it, and moving them could cause any capital they have in their home to be lost. My advice: 1. take them to meet with an accountant 2. Call the local Agency for Aging 3. Look into hospice 4. Talk about future plans for your mom. Know that a lot of hoarding is tied to anxiety, and the loss of her husband may cause a downward spiral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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