New Teen Driver - Guidelines/Consequences?

[goldberry]

DD has been driving with her permit (adult in the car) for about a year.  She just got her license and we have a vehicle for her to use.  It will still be our vehicle, but she will be using it.

 

What kind of guidelines/consequences did you put in place when your teen started driving alone?  What kind of consequences if they get a ticket or something like that?  Also, anything special we should be going over with her that I might be forgetting?

 

Note: She does not have a job right now, but will have one this summer.

 

 

[Guest]

We don't make up pre-emptive consequences. We had some rules about not driving other teens around, but that was also law in this state. If they got a ticket, they would have to pay the ticket. That would be the consequence. If insurance increased because of it, I suppose they would have to pay that increase. If they showed themselves to be continuously unable to maturely manage driving, they would not be allowed to drive as long as they were under our roof, but that only works as long as they are under our roof.

 

There was never any big sit-down where we informed them of consequences or whatever. It is such a long process to get a license here, anyway. They have surely heard every speech along the way.

 

I do remind DD to keep an eye out for anything amiss with the car mechanically. But we also are back-up auto tech support when she comes home from college; we check out the car and do maintenance on it if needed.

[gardenmom5]

I have four drivers . . .

 

they didn't get to drive alone until *I* felt comfortable riding with them.  possession of a driver's license was irrelevant (though, they didn't get to make an appointment until I felt comfortable with their driving.)  It's interesting to me there is a point where something is "different" and I can have more confidence.

 

our state requires new drivers to have no unrelated passengers (possession of state drivers license for 5 years is okay) in the car for six months (that's a good thing, as they're more apt to 'show off' do stupid stuff with their friends). 

 

there's also only very very rarely a reason for them to be driving late/after midnight/etc. (i'd allow for a job, or very special event.  NOT for 'regular' stuff.)

 

kid car had no radio (another distraction) - and was a 4-spd. (a gutless wonder.)

 

issues I didn't have with my olders - but might be an issue with dudeling.  no texting while driving (I would inspect the phone regularly.  I'm paying the car, the insurance, the phone - I have the right to inspect.  He doesn't like it - he doens't need any of them.) 

 

the car he drives will probably have a radio - we might remove it.  I would also ban listening to music/etc. on a phone/zune etc. - it's a distraction.  for at least the first six months while developing confidence and road skills.

 

students get insurance covered.   we help with NEEDS (not the same thing as 'wants'.) for students.

[regentrude]

We did not make up consequences preemptively - we'd handle problems  on a  case by case basis.

We set rules for where they could drive: without special permission, to work, school , and scheduled activities. Any other drives, they needed to check with parents and let us know where they are going. No drives out of town without permission.

No letting anybody else drive the car.

Strict adherance to the rules of the new license: no more than 1 teen passenger, obey 1am curfew.

Absolutely no cell phone use while driving, but teens must carry a charged phone when they are away with the car, for emergencies.

 

For the first weeks/months, we would inform parents of prospective teen passengers and ask whether they would be OK with their kids riding with a new driver. Some parents were, others had rules that their kids could only ride with more experienced drivers.

Edited March 10, 2016 by regentrude

[AK_Mom4]

Well, I had one kid who had the rule that the cell phone had to get locked in the glove compartment when driving.   Safety first and all that.  This was my highly-distractable kid.

 

And I had a rule that if they ever let anyone smoke in my car, that would be the end of the Driving-Moms-Car-Privileges. Ever.  I can't stand the smell of smoke.

 

If they had ever gotten a ticket, they would have had to pay for it themselves.   But other than having to pull them out of snowbanks and ditches a few times, we never had any issues with our young drivers.

 

Generally, by the time they got their license, they were very good drivers and did fine using our cars.  They even put gas in if they borrow mine.

 

 

[Pawz4me]

The only rules we had beyond state laws were common courtesy things like checking in with us before going somewhere unplanned and letting us know an approximate ETA home, etc.

 

The only consequence was that if they got a ticket they'd be getting a job to pay for insurance.

[kewb]

In our state there are rules for those under 18 with a license.  Consequences for not obeying state law would result in the revoking of driving priveleges by us.  Which is what happened to ds when I busted him for driving with more then one other person in the car.

 

If he got a speeding ticket he would be paying it and the difference in our insurance rate if it went up as result.

 

An accident that he was at fault for (as in speeding, reckless, texting) would also result in the revoking of priveleges and he would be paying the increase in car insurance.

 

Anything else would be addressed as it arose.

[Joanne]

I have 3 fully licensed drivers under 24 in relatively new cars and we live in a metro area. I pay the equivalent of a mortgage payment in car insurance each month.

 

My rule is that is you get a ticket or accident, you pay the insurance.

 

If I hear of texting or not using the blue tooth, I will not pay the payment or insurance and will sell the cars I own (my oldest bought and financed his own.)

[clementine]

In our state a teen can drive with one other person (besides family) for the first 6 months and two other people for another 6 months.  

 

Our only rules are - no texting while driving (duh), text when you leave, text when you arrive.  

 

We'll cross other bridges when we come to them.  

[katilac]

 

kid car had no radio (another distraction)  

 

I had one kid finish driver's ed 6 months ago, and another just last month. They had 4 different teachers behind the wheel, and they all played the radio. 

 

My kids said it was to get them used to some distraction, but I'm not sure if they were told that or if they assumed that. It was always the same station, so it did seem intentional. 

[goldberry]

I had one kid finish driver's ed 6 months ago, and another just last month. They had 4 different teachers behind the wheel, and they all played the radio. 

 

My kids said it was to get them used to some distraction, but I'm not sure if they were told that or if they assumed that. It was always the same station, so it did seem intentional. 

 

It's not the music I worry about so much as changing stations or messing with the ipod.  I myself almost had an accident the first week I got an ipod. :(  Stupidity isn't limited to teens.... 

[mamiof5]

By the time our oldest started driving she was 18, so we really didn't have as many rules. She pays for insurance, gas and vehicle expenses. I'd have them memorize basic directions/streets in the area. I don't like the idea of them always depend on a cellphone to tell them directions, like my oldest did for a while because she refused to learn the streets

[Artichoke]

We pretty much have the same rules as the other posters: 

 

No one else drives the car -- Tell your friends we're evil dictators for all we care if that's what it takes for no one else to drive the car!

No drinking and driving -- If you mess up, call us.  No questions or discussions until the next day & no reaming out.  We had one ds test this out, and

                                          boy was it hard for us to keep our mouths shut!  We're glad we did though. 

No cell phone while driving -- We have new drivers turn it off when driving.  i don't even want them answering my calls. 

Get a ticket -- You pay it and the insurance hike.  We only had this happen to our eldest.  We live in a small town between two mid-size cities so the      

                       ticket was over $200 for running a red light.  All of the younger kids took note and have never gotten tickets.  

No passengers unless we approve it -- Seems harsh but my name is the one on the financial responsibility sheet with the state. 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 11, 2016 by Artichoke

[Miss Peregrine]

They must have our deductible in the bank at all times. If they get in a collision and they are at fault, they pay the increase in insurance.

[Prairie~Phlox]

Just the state rules, it's a learning experience & will be case by case if something happens. Dd paid for her car, has a job & helps with insurance & pays for gas. She's very responsible & was 18 in February. She's been working since she was 14.

Edited March 11, 2016 by Prairie~Phlox

[KarenC]

Insurance for a young driver is very expensive.  We told dd if she got a ticket or had an accident, we wouldn't be able to pay for her insurance anymore.  Therefore, she wouldn't be able to drive until she could afford to pay for the insurance for herself.  She will have had her full permit for 1 year in April with no tickets or accidents.  Her rate should decrease a little then.

[Rebel Yell]

All state laws must be obeyed- number of passengers, seat belts, curfew, etc.

 

Radio is OK, BUT pick a station/playlist and LET IT GO. No changing unless fully stopped at a red light. No matter how much you hate the song, or how vile the lyrics.

 

Parents need to know where you are, who you are with, when you'll be home, and any changes in plans.

 

Absolutely NO texting etc. while behind the wheel. Zero tolerance on this- driving privileges will be immediately revoked. Also, The Chauffeur (AKA Mom) will now have to be PAID. $0.25/mile goes directly to the gas tank, plus $10/hr driving AND waiting time. This also applies to any accidents/tickets caused by foolishness- speeding, major carelessness, distraction by friends, violating laws.

 

That is pretty much our only major rule. We have no curfews (other than those imposed by teen driver laws), no dress code, open door policy for friends with free food available, no minimum age for dating (but some guidelines are in place for activities for younger dates). I've seen too many lives ruined or ended by stupidity. We want there to be a very strong incentive to follow the traffic laws for safety.

[Guest]

My bff told my son that if he drove until he was 18 without getting a ticket, she'd give him $500.  That seemed to have a calming effect.  :0)

[Scarlett]

DD has been driving with her permit (adult in the car) for about a year.  She just got her license and we have a vehicle for her to use.  It will still be our vehicle, but she will be using it.

 

What kind of guidelines/consequences did you put in place when your teen started driving alone?  What kind of consequences if they get a ticket or something like that?  Also, anything special we should be going over with her that I might be forgetting?

 

Note: She does not have a job right now, but will have one this summer.

 

 

Congrats to your dd!  Ds16 got his today.  He was so excited.

[Scarlett]

Ok, here are my rules for ds16. No messing with the radio. He can turn in it on before he begins driving, but no channel surfing. He asked me what he is suppose to do if a bad song comes on. LOL....I said, turn it off. But don't mess with the radio. It is too distracting for a new driver. Also the volume needs to be low. MICH lower than I have it when driving. He says well, yeah, because you blast my ear drums out. Ha. Well anyway, told him to keep it low so he can hear a siren or a horn.

 

And he is not to touch his phone while driving. Not to see who texted or called....don't touch it.

 

Beyond that I am just praying

[jjeepa]

Thank you for this thread! My son just got his driver's license yesterday morning and will be using our cars until he buys one this fall. My husband and I have been talking with him about our rules/guidelines and reviewing what other parents are doing is helpful. We've settled on no phone use, letting us know exactly where he'll be driving and contacting us immediately if his plans change, no radio surfing, all expenses paid for tickets-accidents-insurance hikes, obeying state laws, and returning the car with gas in it :)

[Miss Mousie]

Some of these rules, while reasonable, seem unenforceable, like changing the radio or allowing someone else to drive the car.  How would you know a rule like that has been violated except in case of accident or someone spilling the beans?

 

 

[The Girls' Mom]

Our rules are simply obeying traffic laws and letting us know roughly when you'll be home and where you'll be.  My oldest seems to have done fine with that so far.  Our younger two will have their licenses in May.  My wallet hurts.

[Scarlett]

Some of these rules, while reasonable, seem unenforceable, like changing the radio or allowing someone else to drive the car. How would you know a rule like that has been violated except in case of accident or someone spilling the beans?

Many rules are unenforceable. But I did tell Ds the rules are for his safety because he us still very inexperienced. He normally listens to reasoning like that.

[regentrude]

Some of these rules, while reasonable, seem unenforceable, like changing the radio or allowing someone else to drive the car.  How would you know a rule like that has been violated except in case of accident or someone spilling the beans?

 

One would, of course, not know. If my kids were bent on breaking rules, there would be nothing I can do.

But there is also a family culture of not doing stuff they have been explicitly asked not to. I do not have the illusion that my teens are infallible, but I know that the mere fact that we parents asked them not to do xyz has a deterrent effect. We have very few rules and a good relationship, so they know that whenever we ask for something like this, we have a good reason (and we discuss the reason behind our requests)

 

Not a 100% guarantee, of course, but working well enough in a functional relationship that is governed by love, respect, and trust.

If we had a relationship full of rebellion and mistrust, it would probably not work.

 

ETA: And then by making a rule "nobody else drives" you give them the ultimate "out: "Sorry, I'd let you - but my parents would kill me" :)

Edited March 13, 2016 by regentrude

[Artichoke]

Some of these rules, while reasonable, seem unenforceable, like changing the radio or allowing someone else to drive the car. How would you know a rule like that has been violated except in case of accident or someone spilling the beans?

Most of it comes down to trust. Do we or don't we trust our children to responsibly drive an automobile? The guidelines are there to help them make good decisions by educating them about being a responsible driver. Our eldest had no idea that if someone else drove our vehicle we'd still be liable until we explained it when going over our rules. It was something to remember if he was ever tempted to break the rules. All we can do is our best to explain, guide, and enforce the consequences if need be.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Artichoke

[Farrar]

If a teen is going to be driving more than just a couple of minutes away, I can't imagine making a no music or radio rule. I know I would go insane on a half hour highway drive by myself in a car if I couldn't have something. It helps me pay attention to the road better, not worse. Making them start the radio or playlist and leave it alone (I could easily start a playlist and then still be able to close my phone in the glove box still hooked to the cord) before pulling out of the driveway makes sense but I don't think it does anyone any favors to say no music ever. Then again, my kids are too young to be driving yet... Whew.

[goldberry]

One would, of course, not know. If my kids were bent on breaking rules, there would be nothing I can do.

But there is also a family culture of not doing stuff they have been explicitly asked not to. I do not have the illusion that my teens are infallible, but I know that the mere fact that we parents asked them not to do xyz has a deterrent effect. We have very few rules and a good relationship, so they know that whenever we ask for something like this, we have a good reason (and we discuss the reason behind our requests)

 

Not a 100% guarantee, of course, but working well enough in a functional relationship that is governed by love, respect, and trust.

If we had a relationship full of rebellion and mistrust, it would probably not work.

 

 

 

:iagree:  This is the case in our family.  The very few times DD has strayed have been things that weren't strictly prohibited, but she *should* have known we thought would be a bad idea.  Her history has proven when we give her explicit guidelines she honors them, even grudgingly.

[goldberry]

I REALLY like the idea of putting the phone in the glove box to remove temptation.  I know I am tempted myself by the phone in the car.

[Scarlett]

If a teen is going to be driving more than just a couple of minutes away, I can't imagine making a no music or radio rule. I know I would go insane on a half hour highway drive by myself in a car if I couldn't have something. It helps me pay attention to the road better, not worse. Making them start the radio or playlist and leave it alone (I could easily start a playlist and then still be able to close my phone in the glove box still hooked to the cord) before pulling out of the driveway makes sense but I don't think it does anyone any favors to say no music ever. Then again, my kids are too young to be driving yet... Whew.

I didn't say no radio. Just no messing with the radio. For now.

[Seasider]

Not a rule, but an incentive - ask your insurance agent for a quote for the same coverage with a speeding ticket (whatever traffic violation) on record. Let the young driver know how much more the next premium would be. It's a huge difference for teens once they get a ticket; two violations can price 'em right out of driving!

[Farrar]

I didn't say no radio. Just no messing with the radio. For now.

Other people mentioned it too though. Gardenmom said she purposefully had a car with no radio at all because it was a distraction. My point is just that a silent car for a prolonged period is harder for focusing than the supposed distraction of some music.

[Rebel Yell]

Other people mentioned it too though. Gardenmom said she purposefully had a car with no radio at all because it was a distraction. My point is just that a silent car for a prolonged period is harder for focusing than the supposed distraction of some music.

 

My current learner's permit-driver NEEDS the radio to help her focus. She is also my student who does way better in math while having old TV shows (like Dick Van Dyke) on in the background. So I believe her on this one- and I'm sitting next to her- I can SEE the difference.

 

Just no changing stations/playlists/etc.

[Rebel Yell]

Some of these rules, while reasonable, seem unenforceable, like changing the radio or allowing someone else to drive the car.  How would you know a rule like that has been violated except in case of accident or someone spilling the beans?

 

If I didn't trust that my teen would follow those simple rules, I would also not trust that teen with a car.

[Scarlett]

Other people mentioned it too though. Gardenmom said she purposefully had a car with no radio at all because it was a distraction. My point is just that a silent car for a prolonged period is harder for focusing than the supposed distraction of some music.

Yes. I do agree with you.

[Hoot]

Our rules are few but simple and important.

 

1. Absolutely no one else drives your car. EVER. Additionally, at this stage no one else may ride in the car with you while you drive.

 

2. You MUST call or text before you leave a place and once you arrive at your destination. No excuses. I see this as common courtesy. A parent will worry regardless, but it is especially rude to give them cause to worry any more than is necessary.

 

3. One at-fault accident results in one of two scenarios: 1. you will pay the difference in the raised insurance rates or 2. you will be removed from the insurance and unable to drive until you are 18 and able to get your own insurance. We simply cannot afford a further rate hike than what we are already paying.

 

4. Absolutely no texting and driving or talking on the phone while driving. There is no available bluetooth in his car either, so the car should be completely unavailable while driving. In our state, this is a law and can result in a ticket. If a ticket is issued, then he will both pay for the ticket and have his license taken away immediately.

 

The bottom line in our house is that driving is a privilege not a right. If at any time we feel that he is not being a responsible driver, then we are at liberty to remove that privilege. We have impressed upon him a number of times that it isn't just your own life when you're on the road, it is everyone else's too.